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Yavin IV
-Arrive on planet

<Mon Mothma> Leia! Thank goodness you’re alright. We heard about Alderaan and feared the worst.

<Leia> Yes…all those lives…lost…

<Mon Mothma> Lost? Someone died?

<Leia> They blew up the planet. Of course people died!

<Mon Mothma> Alderaan was blown up?

<Bail> What happened to Alderaan?

<Luke> Nothing! Wrong coordinates. Alderaan’s fine.

<Leia> But I saw it with my own two eyes! These two, right here!

<Mon Mothma> Couldn’t have been. I just got off HoloNet with a cousin of mine on Alderaan.

<Han> It’s true. When we got there to rescue the Princess, Alderaan was gone!

<Luke> *under his breath* It’s because you’re an incompetent map reader…

<Mon Mothma> No matter. Whether Alderaan is there or not, we have a bigger problem.

<Leia> Which is?

<Mon Mothma> The Death Star tracked your ship.

<Luke> Not his ship. She’s untraceable!

<Han> Actually, she’s a piece of junk. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’d traced her.

<Mon Mothma> Not your ship. *turns to Bail* Yours!

<Bail> Ok, you’ve caught me. I’m…

<Mon Mothma> Completely innocent, I’m sure. We forgive you.

<Bail> I was going to say, “a Domain spy,” but I like innocent much better.

<C-3PO> The Death Star is coming!

<Leia> How many lanterns? The code is 1 if by land, 2 if by hyperspace travel!

<Luke> Do you seriously think they’re coming by land?

<Leia> Ok, scratch that. Maybe they’re coming via wormhole. There we go, it’s 1 if by wormhole, 2 if by hyperspace travel, 3 if by hyperspace window, 4 if by teleportation, 5 if by kayak, 6 if by ocean liner, 7 if by TIE fighter, 8 if by…

<Luke> It’s two.

<Leia> Oh. But I wasn’t finished!

<C-3PO> Might I remind you that the Death Star is coming?

<Mon Mothma> Quick, to the fighters!

<Dodonna> To the briefing room!

*Everyone leaves for the briefing room except Mon Mothma*

<Mon Mothma> I like my idea better…

-Prep for battle

<Dodonna> As you all know, the Death Star is attempting to clear the planet. We are organizing an attack against the station to destroy this superweapon once and for all!

<Wedge> But wouldn’t that kill people? Is that even allowed in this series?

<Dodonna> Don’t underestimate the writer of this script…they broke the rule first. We have just received word that Alderaan has been destroyed.

<Luke> Actually, it wasn’t destroyed. Our coordinates were just wrong, and we were in an asteroid field that made it appear as if the planet were actually destroyed.

<Dodonna> I have spoken with Captain Solo myself. There is no chance of that, young Luke. We must destroy the Death Star while we have the chance. Now, to your fighters!

<Mon Mothma> Finally…

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