The far wall blew immediately, the roar deafening even from this distance, thundering through the packaging cavern even as it echoed from the tunnel through which the Jedi had infiltrated. Tirien took his lightsaber in hand, but Suwo stilled him with a gesture. Tirien could feel the surviving workers fleeing from the wall even as the Askajian bellowed at them and headed toward it to investigate.
Suwo waited until the Sith collaborators were packed together, close to the exit, then rolled in his grenade.
Tirien winced when the grenade blew, indifferent to the noise and heat but struck by the sudden extermination of dozens of lives in the Force. But Suwo was on his feet, and Tirien rose to join him as the Quarren ignited his yellow blade and strode into the room.
I had the pleasure of reading this piece when it was initially published... which to my great consternation I see was three years ago today. While I’m not sure where the time has gone, I was happy to reread it tonight and see that it still holds up. I will say this: the best is yet to come from the UNSWS (and even I have not read all that has been published at this point), but The Price of Knighthood is certainly worthy of becoming a Featured Work. Savage1138 06:16, May 6, 2020 (UTC)
TPoK may not be among my top five favorite UNSWS installments of all time, but it's still a well-written entry that serves as an excellent introduction to the series. SeboltoTalk 10:55, May 6, 2020 (UTC)
Easy, quick read. What a story of this length and breadth should be.-I'm the Chosen One 03:38, May 7, 2020 (UTC)
A well written and interesting short story. J.J. Cushwex(Talk) 13:32, May 7, 2020 (UTC)
"A collapse here seemed like it might bring half the cave down on the whole operation, but for all he had learned of sabotage the past decade, his master's knowledge and experience vastly eclipsed his own, and though he could appreciate the value of the sneaky approach, it had never appealed to him personally. " This seems a run-on sentence
". They emerged from their tunnel into a larger room, faint light from a crevice above reflected and amplified by a few clusters of naturally growing crystals." Comma splice
"Wondering idly whether they might be used for lightsabers," I would change the word "used" to "usable"
"His windpipe collapsed on itself, the Human dropped his rifle and reflexively clutched at his neck; rather than let him slowly suffocate, as the guard doubled over Suwo reached down and broke his neck too. " This is also rather unwieldy.
I don't think "Plague" is the correct capitalization if the word "Candorian" is not preceding (at least 3 instances).
"Trying to remember the layout the facility," (missing/wrong word)
"a Gand thundered through his rebreather. " Gand voices aren't exactly what I would call "thunderous" if I remember my descriptions of Ooryl Qyrrg correctly. I am curious as to why this particular verb was chosen for this species.
I personally would not use this verb as such, but there's sufficient canonical ambiguity that I'll let this go.
I'd like to see a Behind the Scenes section. Some ideas for this might be how you came up with the title of the story along with any working titles. You could discuss how you came up with the central plot, as well as references to canon (or non-SW) works included. Often I personally will include a developmental summary discussing the process of how the work came to be.
I understand that the BtS may seem scraping the bottom of the barrel here, but it is prescribed in the Layout Guide and explicitly detailed in the featured work standards. A fairly-detailed look at FWs by Goodwood, Brandon, Fiolli, MPK, Katana Geldar, Tesh Vohore, JM76, Solus, myself, and MPK indicates to me that there is no precedent for Featured Works without either a Behind the scenes section or a functionally equivalent section (i.e. Development, Reviews, etc.) Even your own two current FWs have a minimal BtS. I appreciate your efforts in good-faith thus far, but I feel bound by policy and precedent on this point. I would accept a couple of fairly bland sentences. However, if that is still disagreeable to you, since this work is potentially going to be exemplified as an example to other writers, if you feel this section is superfluous, I suggest you submit a Consensus Track thread to change the FW recommendations and/or Layout Guide to either remove the section from the Layout Guide/recommendations, or soften the wording to make it non-mandatory. Atarumaster88(Talk page) 00:42, May 4, 2020 (UTC)
Well, the Layout Guide clearly isn't an issue here; it describes the BtS as "recommended", not "required". The FW Standards does seem to imply it's required (though the direction to the MOS is a strange choice, since the MOS really only concerns itself with the order of the various pieces and allowing the BtS to be written in present tense), but the body of text does nothing to explain; Goodwood explicitly says he left it at the Layout Guide and MOS. BtS isn't mentioned on the actual nominations rules page, and the "what we're looking for" section ends with the disclaimer, "These are not hard and fast requirements but rather criteria. And, as with any criteria for judging literary works, they are, by nature, subjective and will be treated as such by Archivists." One could make the argument that even the absence of a BtS, when no substantive one exists, is an "appropriate" level of detail "for the work's length [not long] and complexity [not overly complex, either]." Since the criteria "are, by nature, subjective", after all... SakarosTalk 01:02, May 4, 2020 (UTC)
Do not cite the FW standard to me, Sakaros. I was there when it was written. Literary references aside, if I understand you correctly, you are saying that the guideline for standards that Archivists use in crafting their subjective objections isn't applicable because objections are or at least can be subjective. To then contend that an objection is null and void because the guideline on which it was written specifies that objections are or can be subjective seems circular to me. If objections are or can be subjective, then I am free to make them using my opinion and qualifications as an Archivist to ensure the overall quality of the overall body of the Featured Works, provided I do not stray too far from the accepted and community-approved standards. I fail to see how this objection does so. In fact, the original community thread that was unanimously approved explicitly included a BtS as part of the criteria for FWN and, the very top of the standard includes that same wording. To address your reference to the disclaimer, it strains credibility to believe that disclaimer applies to any and every basis for objection when in fact the disclaimer says that the above list is given as criteria. If it's given as criteria, then I am explicitly empowered to, but not required to, object based on a work not meeting one of the criteria. Furthermore, every single FW in the entire body of work has a BtS in some form, if not explicitly titled as such, and the lack of one has been considered a valid objection and even the scope of said BtS has been objected to and corrected before without contention, so I think between it being an explicit criteria in the list unanimously approved by the community and about eleven years of precedent, that argument carries very little water with me. The stronger argument might be that the absence of a BtS is appropriate for the work's length and complexity. However, I found an interesting example, where an author whom I believe you are familiar with was able to devise a 5 sentence BtS for a featured work of similar (but moderately longer) length and complexity. Perhaps a better example would be an even shorter featured work that has a BtS of similar length to the first example. A careful read of both BtS sections indicates to me that there's plenty in common between these two works and The Price of Knighthood that could be drawn from in order to satisfy the criteria. It might be possible to contend that both examples had BtSes but didn't have to have them, but I have it on good authority that at least one Archivist would have found that worthy of objection during the FWN process. There are provisions for removing objections on the FW nominations page and since it doesn't specify that Archivists with a conflict of interest must recuse themselves from passing judgment on contested objections, you are welcome avail yourself of that process and even vote to remove the objection. I'm open to being persuaded about why this work, of all the FWs, should be exempt from what's been a universal provision thus far, but it's going to take a far better argument. Atarumaster88(Talk page) 00:00, May 5, 2020 (UTC)
MPK, Sakaros, and I have resolved this in Chat with the understanding that no BtS is better than a filler BtS. Atarumaster88(Talk page) 01:15, May 5, 2020 (UTC)
Pretty clean otherwise. I did run the grammar objections through Mrs. Ataru (a former English teacher and experienced copyeditor) to ensure I'm not off the deep end on those.
The...Workbench? Workshop? The Tumultuous Mind of Sakaros?
For the BtS...I remember the content of every installment in the series, but if I don't document the creative process at the time (and I rarely do), my brain usually filters out the memory as unnecessary data clutter. If you asked me to unearth some developmental factoid about The Heirs of Mizra, I could probably manage that, but we're just shy of the UNSWS's third birthday, so the detailed process for "The Price of Knighthood" is long gone. Even in my massive outline document for the series (51 pages, 17,256 words at time of writing, and thus longer than some actual installments, including this one), all I have for "The Price of Knighthood" is a single bullet that says "Price of Knighthood". Out of an abundance of good-sportedness, I even dug out my AIM logs with my best friends, but there's a gap from April to May 2017 (in my defense, I was winding up law school), so no dice there either. SakarosTalk 13:31, May 1, 2020 (UTC)
My new head-canon in light of the below comment is that Sakaros wrote this as an escape from his final law school classes and we could probably find the true behind the scenes scribbled in half-intelligible sentences of the margins of his legal notebooks, written in a caffeine-induced flurry of frenetic penmanship. The title "Price of Knighthood" was originally a reference to an outrageous cost for a hooded sweatshirt that he was going to buy to keep warm at night. It's actually supposed to be "Price of Night Hood(ie)???!!". In absence of other evidence, that's what I'm going to believe. Atarumaster88(Talk page) 00:30, May 4, 2020 (UTC)
So I read and the only real objection I have is the abrupt, confusing series of events that occurs as the two Junior Sith are clinging to life and then deciding to flee in their ship. I eventually got the gist of what happened after two or three reads of the section but overall I find that portion of the read needlessly chaotic and scatterbrained. I feel it should be made clearer that the Mirialan got into the ship and maybe pace it down a little. Obviously don't hold the reader's hand and explain everything but right now it jumps from the Mirialan turning toward her ship to it taking off without the Swokes Swokes to him not jumping and then jumping into it by the skin of his teeth in the matter of 3 sentences. That is incredibly fast pacing for a written work. Feels like something is missing in the whole thing. Otherwise the story is great and I'll vote for it.-I'm the Chosen One 02:58, May 6, 2020 (UTC)
I just reread it for myself, and I don't concur. I suppose, instead of, "She glared at Tirien, but turned back to her ship", it could be "She glared at Tirien, but vanished into her ship" or something to that effect, to make the point clearer. But—and conceding immediately that I wrote it, so I've always known exactly what it means—I think "needlessly chaotic and scatterbrained" is pretty strong language; I would be interested to hear other perspectives on whether this is a case of "only ITCO didn't get it" or "only Sakaros got it". SakarosTalk 13:58, May 6, 2020 (UTC)
I, personally, have no issue with the pacing here. I do wonder if perhaps the confusion on ITCO’s part is that the Swokes Swokes is looking to jump the deckplates before deciding to leap into the ship instead—I can see the potential for a slight confusion there, although not enough that I think it warrants rewriting. Savage1138 16:15, May 6, 2020 (UTC)
Related only because it’s in the same spot, I’ll just quickly note that I don’t believe “She glared at Tirien, but turned back to her ship” requires that comma. Savage1138 16:15, May 6, 2020 (UTC)
I will admit I was overly strong with putting scatterbrained, I was just trying to get the point across a bit. Anyway, I feel the vanished rewrite fixes it fine because it at least makes it clear she made it into the ship instead of this instantaneous teleportation and flight activation I personally feel it gives off. Moreover, Savage is completely right. I thought it was a pacing issue because I thought the Swokes Swokes and Mirialan were doing 10 things at once (like deciding not to jump into the ship but then jumping into anyway) and half the actions were conflicting with each other with no rhyme or reason but it turns out I was just reading that portion wrong. I thought the Swokes Swokes was debating whether to jump toward the ship, thinking better of it and then making the jump rather easily regardless. Perhaps it doesn't warrant a rewrite of that section but he hit the nail on the head on that part of the issue.-I'm the Chosen One 03:36, May 7, 2020 (UTC)
It's about darn time that I read this series in earnest. My full review posted on the story's main page. Atarumaster88(Talk page) 22:52, April 30, 2020 (UTC)