Nomination comments: Definitely a good work of fan fiction. As I've said before, I recommend it to anyone, and find it to be an excellent nominee for featured work status.
Sheets of rain slashed down through the Coruscant night. Howling currents of wind whistled through the myriad starscrapers, causing passersby of various species to seek the shelter of overhangs or buildings. The clouds loomed over the megalopolis, as if the sky was seeking to vent its wrath on the populace. Lying on a stained, slick slab of duracrete, oblivious to the pounding rain, was a young human male. His singed clothes and tattered appearance spoke of violence and chaos. Gasping for breath, drenched with rain, sweat, and tears, he lay on the slab trying to absorb all that had happened to him within the last few hours, trying to comprehend the destruction of all he held dear, trying to realize that everyone he had considered family was dead, and trying to determine what to do next, now that he was public enemy #1 as the cylindrical silver object belted to his waist marked him as a Jedi Knight, the millennia-old order now declared an enemy of galactic civilization.
Support (2 Archivists/5 Users/7 total)
A really good take on Knightfall and Order 66. The intercut scenes with spectre and Selu were intriguing and engaging. A wonderful start to what looks to be a great series. KatanaGeldar 06:37, 7 December 2008 (UTC)
A stellar edition to the Purge era. It was wonderful to see the points of view of both Spectre and Selu. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of the series. --Kathkira talk 19:26, 8 January 2009 (UTC)
As that guy with the weird moustache would say: “an instant classic”. Great work, Ataru. It's a good story. A really gripping tale. Darth Wylind(Talk) January 11, 2009 (UTC)
Since everyone's badgering me about it. — JM76AskArchives 01:22, 26 January 2009 (UTC)
Only reason I'm not voting yet is because in any work of fan fiction, there's bound to be corrections to be made. - Brandon Rhea(talk)(contribs) 04:52, 19 November 2008 (UTC)
Starting to read, will post in a few days. KatanaGeldar 08:36, 29 November 2008 (UTC)
Just finishing it now and it's very good. Navigation is easy and I had to fix up the spelling of one name but it's no biggie. The only thing that gets me is the confusion of tense. You make it clear that it's past-perfect, but sometimes you go into present-tense which is confusing. By all means if you are aiming for something remiscent of Stover ROTS novel, go for it, just make sure you make some distinction in the text. This is something that Ataru will have to edit himself as it's his story. Fix that up it'll be a vote from me. And just one question, is there a water shortage on Coruscant that they have to take sonic showers? - KatanaGeldar 07:44, 2 December 2008 (UTC)
Yes, the present tense is something that I'll need to work on. I've started to change the tense twice on those parts (they're highlighted on my own personal copy), but never could manage the same dramatic effect without it. I'll put some more time into it and see what I can do. Also, there is no particular reason for using sonics over standard water. Atarumaster88(Talk page) 17:03, 2 December 2008 (UTC)
I have since removed the two instances of present tense I found—at the beginning of Chapters 4 and 11, so it should be good unless I missed one. Atarumaster88(Talk page) 19:00, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
Thanks, I'll go through it again then. KatanaGeldar 23:22, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
Made a slight change in chapter for, changed "was" to "is" so the sentence made sence and the words "Jedi Temple" are captialised. I have a problem with this phrase in Chapter 11 though:
As the political hub of the galaxy, thousands of offworld people arrived every day and an equal number departed.
You mean 10,000 people arrived on the planet every day and exactly 10,000 departed? So if I was the 10,001 person to leave Coruscant I would not be allowed? I get what you are trying to do, Ataru, a lot of people enter and leave Coruscant every day but that phrase brought me out of the story in a real "WTH?" moment. Great how you've fixed everything else up, after this it's a yes vote from me.KatanaGeldar 23:12, 5 December 2008 (UTC)
Sorry once again everyone. Between being sick, the holidays, and moving into my apartment I got completely swamped for a while there. I am back now though. I voted above but had one little possible typo/miss wording to point out. In Chapter 2: “Does this taste as awful to me as it does to you?” I wasn't sure if that was correct or if it was supposed to be Does this taste as awful to you as it does to me?
The slapping sound you hear is me facepalming repeatedly. I've read that line literally dozens of times and never picked up on it. Fixed. XD Atarumaster88(Talk page) 19:50, 8 January 2009 (UTC)