Nomination comments: With input from my betas, I think this is FW quality, and I'm nominating it in an attempt to help build up a longer FW queue. Also, it's mercifully short, at only 26 pages in MS Word. No cover art, except for the Yanibar Tales image.
The cup rattled just a bit, sliding almost imperceptibly across the table. The water inside sloshed around as it was moved by invisible hands, the meniscus bobbing frantically with the motion. A few meters away from the table, a lanky teenage boy of fifteen years stood, his eyes closed, his right hand outstretched and trembling with exertion. His name was Selusda Kraen, though he usually went by Selu, and he was a Jedi Padawan, as denoted by his plain tan tunic and the long braid extending from his otherwise close-cropped black hair down across his shoulder. Though he was in no way touching the cup of water, it continued to vibrate and then lifted off the table to float twenty centimeters above the hard gray ceramic surface, joining two other cups that were floating there, suspended in thin air by the power of the Force.
The young man stood there silently, gritting his teeth as his brow furrowed with exertion. He had been standing that way for the past couple minutes. There were three cups in the air now, all hovering perfectly still, and three more that remained on the table. The teenager’s right index finger twitched, and the base of the fourth cup started subtly shifting as he sought to extend his mind’s reach around it and lift it, too, off the surface of the table. He had once lifted five into the air, and now, today, he would strive to hoist six into the air telekinetically. If the Force was with him.
Support (2 Archivists/5 Users/7 total)
I didn't even see this was nominated, but of course. Already previously reviewed and finding the story very likable, definite support. –Victor(talk page) 08:27, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
Having looked over this one several times I have no corrections to make. One of the others may find something I missed, however I feel anything found would be minor. I found the story to be very enjoyable; a fun look at Selu's more innocent days. Approve. --Kathkira talk 18:52, 15 April 2009 (UTC)
I actually read this (no I didn't) and thought it was really good (I wouldn't know). Good job (maybe) and very (possibly) deserving of this! - Brandon Rhea(talk)(contribs) 06:38, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
I just want to point out that as of now, I have read this story. I do think it was really good and deserving of this. - Brandon Rhea(talk)(contribs) 01:04, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
Good story, needs one more vote to get there. KatanaGeldar 03:29, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
Brandon forced me into reading this to get the nomination through. I really enjoyed this story mainly because of the portrayal of the main character, Selu. Most authors would probably make their padawan character look all awesome and stuff, but this went in the opposite and made him more of a bumbling fool who comes to see that first impressions aren't always indicative of the truth. A great read! Brent Krajewski(The Forge)(Gateway) 01:09, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
Just a few corrections need to be done.
"He had been standing that way for the past couple minutes." There seems to be something missing here.
"“Blast!” Selu exclaimed" We know he is talking loud by the exclaimation mark, any other way you could state this?
Strange question, but would there be a chair in Master Koon's room seeing as there is a desk?
"peach skin" Peach-coloured skin?
"Walking as fast as they dared..." Very long sentence!
Just wondering, any reason why you don't mention Drallig's nickname "the Troll"?
As much as the part where Selu is eating is amusing, what does it do to move on the story?
Purpose is mostly to show that it's not just one thing that's gone badly for him that day, but multiple. Atarumaster88(Talk page) 17:14, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
The sentences are a little too long for an action scene with a little too much description. You need to be a little more economical so you don't confuse and lose the reader.
"quick whipping of her blade" This makes it sounds for a moment as if it is Serra's blade is the on that is being whipped.
"he rolled square" A real WTH? moment here. Maybe "squarely"?
"ten meter by ten meter training" Ten by ten metre maybe? You don't need to emntion "metre" twice, and I realise you spell it differently.
Around and above the pattern of training areas, an elliptical observation gallery encircled the sparring rings, allowing others to view the training from both the ground floor and one level up." You repeat yourself a few times here.
"Though there were few people around..." Long sentence.
- Not a bad story, not nearly as good as others of yours I have read but not bad. KatanaGeldar 01:04, 26 April 2009 (UTC)