Nomination comments: I've read over several iterations of this story as the author (veteran member JM76) has released them, and this one is definitely the best out of them. It's not perfect, but I've yet to see a perfectly-written piece of fiction. Definitely fulfills the standard for FW and, seems to be more polished than some of our other noms based on my first two reads. An intriguing and catchy read for fans of the Knights of the Old Republic video games, and one populated with unique and deep characters. Atarumaster88(Talk page) 20:41, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
“You guys ready?” their pilot asked, his voice rich and vivacious. He wore the same armor as the commander’s squad, but he was probably twenty years the commander’s junior.
“Ready as ever, B.,” the commander replied.
“Right,” B. replied, musing over the commander’s play-on-words. “Approaching Deathly Stars in 15, 14, 13…”
The commander could sense that the other three members of his squad had become increasingly nervous. Most of them were rookies compared to him; he had been on more than fifty missions with Taris Paramilitary, while the majority of his squad had only been sent on a few dozen. Clenching his pistol, he hoped that the silence would quell their fears, but it seemed to make them increasingly uneasy.
“Don’t worry,” the commander mentioned, seemingly stolid. “We’ll get through this. Keep close, stay sharp, and it will be over before you know it.”
“May the Force be with us,” one of his squadmates whispered.
Support (2 Archivists/5 Users/7 total)
I am a huge KotOR fan, so this was a very good read as it is in the same time period. A definite yes, it is very good, and has an excellent storyline. --User:Darth Wylind(Conference Room) 19:19, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
Per Wylind. This was excellent, in my opinion up there with Atarumaster, Squishy Vic, and Brandon Rhea's works. Kajuur(Audience) (Exploits)
Approve. I'm going to definitely re-read later for fun. --Kathkira talk 02:19, January 10, 2010 (UTC)
This blanket objection will cover everything I bring up to JM via e-mail. Atarumaster88(Talk page) 19:46, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
Just so the Archivists know, I've finished Chapter 6. I apologize for not being faster with this, but I should have it done in fairly short order. Atarumaster88(Talk page) 03:14, September 19, 2009 (UTC)
I've had this work finished for some time and am still currently awaiting corrections from JM to be implemented. It'll be approved once that happens. Atarumaster88(Talk page) 03:27, January 7, 2010 (UTC)
From a currently very unorganized Kathkira
“Sorry Gizka One,” Gaiel muttered. “How did the search go? Did we find Master Djan?” I have some confusion about the callsigns in this scene. In the first dialogue Gaiel seems to be Gizka Two and the other person - whom the reader doesn't know by name yet - is Gizka One) Then later on it says Gizka Two contacts Danters while Gaiel pilots to meet up with Gizka Two and Three. Gizka Three calls Gaiel Gizka One but then Gaiel calls Syme Gizka One. Then when Syme is alerted, he scolds Gaiel as Gizka Two for still not using callsigns. There does not seem to be an issue in the next scene when the pilots report in where Syme is One, Gaiel is Two and so on through the others. Likewise I have not seen any other area's where there is callsign confusion, but consider this a note to check all scenes with the callsigns just to be certain.
More later. Sorry this has taken so long, Darth Real Life has been slapping me silly recently. --Kathkira talk 16:33, September 29, 2009 (UTC)
I still haven't read this even after I formatted it into a PDF. -_- But now that it's nominated, I'll do so. I love KotOR, so this should be good... –Victor(talk page) 21:15, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
Starting to read it, it's not bad and looks like it will need little more than a cursory clean up with the mixed metaphors. I'll get my list started later tonight, sorry I haven't been around guys. KatanaGeldar 00:31, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
Archivist Review from the Desk of Atarumaster88
The long-awaited re-release of the Knights of the Old Republic epic has finally coalesced into its (hopefully) final version. After enduring nearly as many rewrites as something written by Brandon Rhea, Convict's Dawn is now available for readers. It traces the stories of a wide range of characters with diverse traits, from the protagonist, a surly Sith-candidate named Raen Benax to the beautiful yet wild Ralina Venli to the stalwart Nautolan Jedi Gaiel. The broad brush with which author Jedi Master 76 paints his characters is a strength of the story, showing the range of his characterization ability. The story is quite interesting and will quickly lure in fans of the Knights of the Old Republic series. The overall tone of the story may have some dark themes woven into it, along with some intense violence, but it is punctuated by humor and brevity, forming a nice balance overall. One minor quibble of the battle scenes don't flow quite as well as you might expect, with occasional straining of the suspension of disbelief. A bit more internalization couldn't hurt, but the ample descriptive sentences do a good job of taking readers from the fields of Alderaan to the slums of Taris, and the dialogue fills in most of the necessary emotional context. The author leaves a lot of unanswered questions regarding many of the key characters, which the sequel will hopefully reveal, but until then, I recommend this work of fiction. 4 out of 5 stars for technical merit and 5 out of 5 stars for narrative merit. Atarumaster88(Talk page) 18:22, January 9, 2010 (UTC)