Nomination comments: I was very, very impressed by this story by Squishy Vic. It depicts a side of the Jedi Order that we know about but is rarely shown. Quite a personal story of "failed Jedi" Narod Antrell. I realise that this novel is not yet complete, but by the time it makes it on the queue to be a FW it will be.
The sunbeams downed onto the Coruscanti fields below, filled with crops, scarefauna, and, of course, the farmers that worked so devotedly. The large, productive farmland belonged to the Jedi Order, to their Service Corps branch. Specifically, the farms belonged to the Agricultural Corps, where Jedi younglings who were not selected by the age of thirteen by a Jedi Master — therefore not becoming Padawans of the Jedi — would have to go to work, to continue serving as petty associates of the Jedi.
Unfortunately, this was the case many young teens, of all genders and species — the Jedi Order, though, suffered little, as such younglings were usually regarded to as failures and nothing more by their peers and even themselves. Most of the younglings didn't even know why they failed, they just knew they did, and were left with that. A depressing feeling of failure and total loss to carry with them for the rest of their time, all thanks to a heedless Order of Jedi.
Narod Antrell in particular felt lied to, betrayed, and saddened by his so-called failure. He was a fairly short, dark-skinned Human male, with scruffy black hair that couldn't be combed down, a big shaggy mess. Narod remembered a bit of his childhood, especially from his time as a Jedi youngling. He barely remembered when he first was taken from his family on Dantooine to Coruscant, but he clearly remembered when he was promised that he'd become a Jedi. Narod was bitter, angry about the entire situation, since he had trained in the Order relentlessly for over a decade and, in the end, was sent off to be a farmer, and nothing more.
I am not quite finished reading, however I am voting in favor of this nom. Thus far I haven't found anything that hasn't already been addressed and I am confident that should there be anything else to find that it will be very minor. Vic, I am enjoying this work and I look forward to reading more about Narod and Zeri's continuing adventures. ::Approve:: --Kathkira talk 21:30, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
I like the prose, it's written well and doesn't have that fan-fiction feel that I usually see. Trak NarRamble on 05:13, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
Like Nightmare, I will vote for this, but I'd prefer to wait for it to be completed. I find release dates and deadlines on fan fiction work by 20 year olds (such as myself...) to be meaningless, as it's just a hobby and such things are subject to change. - Brandon Rhea(talk)(contribs) 01:34, 28 April 2009 (UTC)
Well, I promise I won't write twenty chapters and then decide to start over. My deadline is for real. And, like I said above, I may even finish sooner. –Victor(talk page) 02:26, 28 April 2009 (UTC)
I'm not using "things are subject to change" in terms of rewriting what you have. I'm saying that things sometimes come up that interfere with your ability to put out a fan fic by a deadline. - Brandon Rhea(talk)(contribs) 02:27, 28 April 2009 (UTC)
Note to everyone: Acceptance has been completed. Download it now. –Victor(talk page) 07:04, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
From the accepting and tolerating desk of Atarumaster88
The excerpt and article
"the farmers that worked so devotionally." If my understanding of the sentence is correct, this word modifies farmers (a noun), yet is an adverb. Perhaps change to "devotedly"?
Yes, that works. I corrected it here and will correct it in my actual file later, when all errors in the narrative are brought up/addressed. –Victor(talk page) 04:58, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
Biggest quibble thus far: The plot summary is written in inconsistent tense. A good example of this is Zeri's course changes, which are written in past tense, while most of the summary is in present tense.
I tried to make it present tense only. I will try and address this. –Victor(talk page) 04:58, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
"and racket boss" Wording here.
Huh? Racket is a "noun". It's just like spaceport boss. I could say "racketeering boss" but I wouldn't say "spaceporting boss". –Victor(talk page) 04:58, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
Well, I've heard of spaceport bosses, and I've heard of racketeering bosses, but I've not heard of a racket boss. It just read kinda funny; not my most hard and fast objection ever. Atarumaster88(Talk page) 05:03, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
Is it supposed to read "local rambling ring"? Given that it links to gambling ring and "g" is below "r" on the keyboard, I didn't think so.
"After the delay, Dorantes picked up his project again in January 2009. Atarumaster88, author of the Force Exile series, was picked" Doublet in "picked."
Bah. C'mon, they say "McG was picked up as director" and stuff. :P But okay, fixed. –Victor(talk page) 04:58, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
Issue's not the use of the word, it's the use of the word twice in a row. ;-) That's what I mean by "doublet." Atarumaster88(Talk page) 05:03, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
"Dorantes announced that the novel was nearing completion and that he would no longer release his novel as it progressed, but rather until it was complete" Awkward wording. Please clarify your statement.
Needs a mention of the 4WA honors and even 3WA noms if applicable.
I'll find them and add them in momentarily. –Victor(talk page) 04:58, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
I'm pretty sure they're linked in some way, shape, or form from the Wook's article on SWF. Alternately, the current events page here might have them. Atarumaster88(Talk page) 05:03, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
P.S. Yes, I beta'd this, but that doesn't mean that I caught everything the first time. Also, I've not read the completed version nor all the pieces put together, or the actual article. Also, this gives me an excuse to re-read this novel.)
Will finish the review of the actual novel later, shouldn't take me that long. Atarumaster88(Talk page) 04:36, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
Done, and on your PPS, lies! I sent you an MS Word file. :P –Victor(talk page) 04:58, 26 May 2009 (UTC)
This blanket objection covers all the little things I'm finding in the Word document of the complete novel that I'm reading over. When I get a version of the novel that I'm completely satisfied with, I'll strike this objection and vote.Atarumaster88(Talk page) 15:15, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
Sorry about the delay, I only have a few things.
Holonet is spelt with a capital "H"
Is the Force-detector similar to what Luke used on Kyp in Jedi Search?
“Home” is usually used as the name of a house by the person who actually lives there
Some of your paragraphs are a bit long, you kinda get lost in the middle of them. Direct speech usually needs it’s own paragraph
I'm working on those final edits in an ultimate beta'd version of Acceptance. :P But really, I am, and my awesome editor is catching everything he missed the first time around. As for the Force detector, I don't know honestly. I only used it because I had some knowledge of it (the basics) from Wookieepedia. –Victor(talk page) 02:50, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
Vote to strike objections by Katana (Archivist only)
Katana's been absent for awhile, and these things have been fixed up by Vic in his ultimate version of Acceptance. I say we get this thing moving. Atarumaster88(Talk page) 05:10, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
Um, technically speaking, I know for a fact the objections have been addressed, but shouldn't this be featured now? It has 8 votes, of which at least 2 are Archivists (You, Ataru, and Kathkira). Yes/no? –Victor(talk page) 02:10, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
The rules say that objections need to be struck by the objector or overruled. Now I argued that overruled can mean they were corrected, but Ataru is going a different route since he's the one who wrote and can best interpret the rules. I still like my way though. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 02:13, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
If these were huge objections and/or had clearly not been addressed then I would be inclined to agree with the struck by the objector, but these have been addressed so there's no need to hold things up because they aren't officially struck. I think they should be struck/overruled. --Kathkira talk 18:57, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
In case anyone notes, the current upload of the novel is at under 50,000 words (just barely in the 40,000s area). But rest assured that three chapters are currently pending upload and a final beta cleaning, and the novel is now at approx. 59,000 words. As well, Katana pointed out an error of paragraph repetition which I have resolved, so please ignore that. –Victor(talk page) 05:10, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
This is not an objection, but seeing that there is not a comment or neutral section, I am placing my comment here. Seeing that the novel has not been uploaded into a finished state, I will withhold my vote until full completion or close to it. Just to let you know Vic, this has my vote, unless your writing devolves into Narod killz all teh clonez and is teh her0. --Nightmare975 19:20, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
Don't worry, the novel will be done by May 22, 2009 (plenty of time to be the June or later FW); that's the release date I'm hoping for (even if I finish it before) because it's similar to the films' release dates (between the 16th and 25th of May). Yeah, weird, but oh well. I may release it sooner though, if it's betacleaned earlier. Anyway, as for the plot, my writing would never turn into such nonsense! :P –Victor(talk page) 01:22, 28 April 2009 (UTC)
I created this section because all the comments in the "objections" section is confusing. Darth Wylind (Conference Room) 19:43, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
For everyone's information I wasn't able to begin reading as I had planned while I was on my trip so I'm just starting. I'll make further comments/corrections/etc. when possible. --Kathkira talk 22:25, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
I noticed a small error (possibly) on the last page of the .PDF file. On the image of the back cover it says "enter the Star Wars with this fan-created adventure..." Shouldn't it be "enter the Star Wars universe" or "galaxy" or something like that? "Enter the Star Wars" doesn't really make much sense. --Darth Wylind (Conference Room) 20:40, 22 June 2009 (UTC)
Lol. Sorry, thanks for pointing it out. --Darth Wylind (Conference Room) 16:12, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
As an update to the other Archivists and users, I've finished editing this and have sent back to Vic for a few final tweaks. Whenever the epilogue is all clean, I'll vote for this. Atarumaster88(Talk page) 18:03, 22 July 2009 (UTC)