Hey Ricky! Yeah, it's been a while. I think various levels of school have gotten people (Including me) kinda busy. Good to hear from you though!
About The Fallen. At the moment, none of the chapters are at the stage where I would ask for feedback, (Besides the Prologue obviously) but I am pretty close to getting the First chapter there, and I'll be sure to tell you when it's finished! Can't wait to hear what you think on it!
Also, how's it going on some of the stuff you've been writing?
It's, actually, pretty easy to get a decent amount of Telling eliminated. At least, in my opinion. Here are some things to consider...
(1) Use sensory details to convey the setting. Using things like; sound, smell and touch can really draw people into the world your writing and is a good way to enhance your showing.
(2) Describe emotions. This is one of the toughest, as I have seen some real authors who struggle with this.
Instead of saying something like, he was mad, or, she was angry, describe why. Describe the characters train of thought. I tend to do this by simply getting myself in character, and saying what I'd think in the situation.
(3) The biggest, would be to show how characters act instead of tell it. Instead of introducing a character by saying how they act, (Like, he's a nice pretty nice guy, or, he was a cruel and despicable person) Show it. Give them a scene early on where they help someone out of their free will, or a scene of them doing something cruel.
Hopefully that's helpful! If you need more, I might be able to do more for you. Have a good weekend!
This is still in the future—I'd like to see more original contributions from you too—but have you given any thought to one day being a moderator, like Sebolto? You seem to have the instinct the help other users, as well as a decent knowledge of applicable policies for a user with only half a year on the site. Just something to consider.
I should be able to get a look at it sometime soon. With The Fallen, I've actually encountered a few delays so probably not till later this year. I can't wait too release it either, it's going to be awesome!
Hey J.J., I'm feeling nice today, so I just wanted to thank you for all you do on this Wiki. I've been reviewing stuff in the feedback section, and have noticed your comments. Quite frankly, you give good advice, and it's helped me out too. And you were very quick to welcome me when I joined this site. So thank you, and God bless you and your family! :)
Hey thanks! I try to be as helpful as possible with everyone (on the Wiki and in real life) and I'm happy to see I was able to help someone during my time here!
Also, I've read a couple chapters of your Dr. Who fanfic. (Sorry I forget the title) I do have some criticisms that I'll save for when I'm finished, but I'll say now that it's written resonably well, so good job there!
Hi, I'm Atarumaster88 and I'm organizing this year's short story contest. Thank you for your participation in the contest thus far! I'm excited to read all of the submittals! Here's a quick reminder that there are two weeks left to nominate short stories (yours or someone else's) in the contest! After that, we'll have another four weeks of reviewing and voting! As a bit of fine print, though, this contest is only open to stories written in the current year! Thanks again for participating and being part of the community! Atarumaster88(Talk page) 17:45, July 17, 2020 (UTC)
Feel free to help in terms of like you were saying with your comment; pointing out spelling errors, and other issues. Note: the motivations, how Ursula came into power, etc. will be covered in part three.
I made some formatting changes on Part 1 for you to check out, if you'd like. (Note; if you don't like what I've done, which you have full right to, I can delete the edits and put it back to the way it was.)
I am thinking about a planet that used to be a Sith bastion as her home world, as that could explain why she is a dark side user. You can see the name of it on her page, I will provide a link.Ursula Vaiken
No, it wouldn't be fanon then. But I don't see how you could publish it. Disney (which owns Star Wars) only publishes books from authors that have been asked to, so you'd have to publish some other material for them to see it, and then they'd have to see it, before they consider publishing you. And you'd need a publishing agent, for them to contact.
Hello, I'm just copy and pasting my reply to the message you left on my Wall, in case you hadn't seen it there.
Yes I totally agree with how it could have been constructed better (what is there so far and even future content). I've written a lot for many years but I've always struggled with properly constructing a text. And as you pointed out, yes! You can see that it's like half article, half narrative and I want it to be an article obviously but struggle at it sadly. Since you are offering some help, I'd totally appreciate it!
I haven't thought of that much yet, but I would like to do some in the future.
Again thank you for the lovely feedback and I wouldn't mind some help!
First, for some things to add, It would be nice to have a "Powers and Abilities" section, as well as a "Personality and Traits" one.
Second, for how to make the article seem less like a narrative, for this problem I'll give you an example of what you wrote, and how it could be improved.
After being taken to Dromund Kaas, Zarinah awoke bound to a chair in front of a desk, in what appeared to be some kind of office inside the Sith Sanctum.
This is what you wrote. It reads almost exactly like a passage from a narrative which, while not bad, has an unnecessary amount of detail and drama that, again, would be fine in a written work but doesn't work well with an article.
Here's how I would write it. Please note, I'm better at writing stories than articles so I'm not going to say this is the best possible way to do this, this is just how I would do it.
Zarinah was then taken to her father's office in the Sith Sanctum.
This is what I wrote. As you can see, It's gets straight to the point without many details, but because excessive details are unneeded in an article.
My final word of advise is to read some articles. This tends to help me when I create mine, and reading in the end is the best way to improve writing. If you want, I can give you some links to some good articles that would be helpful to read.
That's all I got for now. If I have anything more, I'll be sure to tell you.
Hope this is helpful, I'm excited to see what you come up with in the future.
I was planning on doing those sections at some point, when I had established more about her. But perhaps I could do them now.
I totally agree! I really need to improve how to write a proper article and not a narrative. Your small example has helped me but if you don't mind, could you help me point out a couple more that are too narrative like? It' fine if you think it would be tedious, I'll read what I've written and spot what sounds like a passage from a narrative!
I have read some articles, but I guess I just haven't figured out the key to making the article be an article, may have to read more and more.
For your request, yes! I can find some more examples tommorow if you'd like!
Also, could you check out the story I've written? I'm trying to get better at writing, as I want to do so proffesionally some day, and your feedback would be greatly appreciated! (If you can't, I understand completely.)
Okay, first, I'm really sorry I didn't respond yesterday, it ended up being busier than I thought it would be and I didn't get a chance to read through the article. I'm real sorry.
Second, thanks for reading through my story (I probably seem like a jerk for asking you to read my stuff then vanishing.) I really appreciated that, thanks!
Okay, here are some more instances I found where it read more like a narrative than an article.
In 3643 BBY, ten years after the signing of the Treaty of Coruscant, Zarinah's Force abilities manifested while defending her childhood friend, Kaylie Infrastun from a group of bullies. She attempted to stop them from punching a defenseless Kaylie in the stomach with her words before raising her hand forward and pushing one of the bullies away with the Force, causing the rest to run away and shout "Sith witch! Run!". Her mother had told her about how the Sith species was strong in the Force and had also told her about her father's identity as a Sith Lord. Lyura feared the day her daughter would manifest her Force-sensitivity and knew that it was a matter of time before her former lover, tracked them down.(This one's not actually as bad as the others.)
However, their sweet and peaceful life on Dantooine came to an end when an Imperial shuttle landed on the outskirts of her mother's farm and a hooded figure with black robes, accompanied by two Imperial soldiers, exited the shuttle. The three mysterious individuals made their way to the farm with the goal of retrieving "Lord Atra'tax's heir" as they put it. They quickly captured Zarinah's mother and executed her for treason and defection right then and there. At the time, the young Sith was hanging out with her friends when she spotted smoke coming from her farmstead and fearing the worst, made her way back home, unbeknownst of the danger that awaited her there. When she arrived, Zarinah attempted to find her mother but was unable to do so as she was confronted by one of the mysterious individuals who knocked her out cold with the buttstock of their blaster rifle. She was then transported to Dromund Kaas to see her father, Lord Atra'tax and begin her Sith training at the Academy on Korriban.
Zarinah's shuttle arrived on Korriban and landed on a nearby landing pad, where Overseer Tremel, a close friend of her father, waited patiently for his new student. Before exiting the shuttle, Zarinah prepared herself mentally to face the harsh and cruel landscape of Korriban and the terrible trials that she would be forced to complete. Escorted out of the shuttle by two soldiers, she met up with Overseer Tremel, who greeted the young Sith with disdain, as he had been told by Lord Atra'tax about her past and how much of a weakling Zarinah was because it. Nonetheless, despite the awful words he said to the new acolyte, Tremel too sensed the potential that Atra'tax saw in her back on Dromund Kaas, telling Zarinah that through his teachings, she could become the "next coming of Exar Kun".
Tears fell down from Zarinah's eyes, as she recomposed herself, all while two k'lor'slugs headed in her direction. She spotted them and readied her training sword, trembling with fear as the creatures slowly approached her. One of the k'lor'slugs lunged at her and she swung her sword, knocking the beast off its course and killing it. After hitting the beast, Zarinah became more confident in herself and readied her blade once more, as the other k'lor'slug attacked her. She swung her blade with all her strength, dispatching the attacking creature. Upon dealing with them, Zarinah made her way inside the tomb, meeting Imperial Sergeant Cormun, and assisting him and his troops with dispatching the k'lor'slugs and their eggs from the tomb. With the path cleared, Zarinah bid farewell to the seargent, as he and his squad of men continued clearing the tomb of k'lor'slugs.
These are the biggest I found so far. Please note, that this does not mean you should just delete this whole sections, as there are parts of them that are fine. Just that there are other parts that aren't.
And also, the newest section, Benevolent Judge, is much better.
Hope this is helpful! If you have any questions please ask, I'd be glad to help!
Hey there! I'm appreciative of your recent efforts to improve the formatting & categorization of fan-fiction articles on the wiki. As a friendly reminder, categories must exist on the wiki as created, populated entities before they can be applied to articles. Regarding your edits here & here in particular, Category:Fanfiction does not exist—the category for which you're looking is Category:Fan fiction. Unfortunately, Wikia removed the styling code that previously displayed nonexistent categories as redlinks, so the only way to determine if categories actually exist is to navigate to their respective URLs & check them manually.
Let me know if you have any questions or require clarification. Thanks!
Hi! It's me. First, I'd like to say I've began the rewriting of the first five chapters of Whispers of Dorin, so they will be at peak performance once I publish them here. As I said, they'll be in pentalogies, so stay tuned! But, enough about me. I've finally gotten around to reading Sword of the Jedi: The Fall, and I've left an honest review in the comment section. Check it out!
—Kind regards (and God Bless to you this time), Octo