I'm not one to generally do this, but it'd be great if you guys could check out what I have so far in my novel. It's called Shadows of the Jedi: The Legend of Ussej Padric Bac. The chapters I have done thus far are linked to in the table of contents. I will update this forum thread when new chapters are posted. Thanks, and let me know what you think! - Brandon Rhea 19:57, 3 July 2007 (UTC)
Comments[]
Ahh... <looks around nervously> I guess I'm the first to reply. Um... read it. Couldn't stop reading it. Had to read what happened next on Ussej's page or would explode. Is skipping the subject of my sentences. Yeah. While it was, in my opinion, morally lax, it was, for me, difficult to quit reading. Well written, though some of the dialogue isn't el grando excellente, it is better than anything I could do. Character development was good, though in some places I felt things were rushed and I was thinking O.o. Good details. Better than anything I could do, at least for a while. Good storyline, too. I need to hone my imagination more. I especially like your descriptions. -Solus (Bird of Prey) 01:45, 4 July 2007 (UTC)
It's rather well-done, and actually follows an original plotline, which is extremely unusual in this day and age. I look forward to reading more, if you manage to publish the novel, and hope that it does not conflict with anything LucasArts decides to do with the KotOR franchise. To be honest, I think this would make a far better story, especially considering their resounding success (sarcasm) with KotOR II. Thank you for writing such a creative novel. Wildcard 00:34, 5 July 2007 (UTC)
- I'm glad you liked it as well. I was thinking about it conflicting with something that KOTOR 3 could say too, but I could probably easily work around it. KOTOR 3 will more than likely be off in the Unknown Regions dealing with the True Sith, so I don't think there's much to worry about there. Also, if you think this is original, wait until you read the two sequels. - Brandon Rhea 00:49, 5 July 2007 (UTC)
- I, personally, can't wait. :) -Solus (Bird of Prey) 00:53, 5 July 2007 (UTC)
Two new chapters are up. - Brandon Rhea 01:17, 5 July 2007 (UTC)
- Just finished reading them, they're pretty good. -Solus (Bird of Prey) 01:46, 5 July 2007 (UTC)
Wow. Quality stuff there. Nice to see the art of writing isn't truly dead. Didn't get to read all of it, but I like it so far. It would be great for this to get published. Cosmis 02:03, 6 July 2007 (UTC)
Amazing. This was beautiful. The suspense, when Ravinos revealed himself to Montrose, I didn't see it coming. This story is full of surpirse, action, and other things that make up a good story. I haven't read something this good since I read Shadows of the Empire a few weeks ago. If the Second Wiki Awards had a Best Novel of the Year Award, this would have won it. --Trask Ulgo
- I'm so pleased to hear that you guys enjoy this and think it should be published, which I am considering attempting. Just so everyone knows, these reviews, albiet short ones, are on Shadows of the Jedi: The Legend of Ussej Padric Bac. - Brandon Rhea 03:05, 7 July 2007 (UTC)
- I just read the Prologue...Now that was some impressive work. I gotta say, I'm jealous. From the creatively made covers right down to the closer, a great piece of work.
Say it like it is... Or it was. 01:49, 8 July 2007 (UTC)
- I just read the Prologue...Now that was some impressive work. I gotta say, I'm jealous. From the creatively made covers right down to the closer, a great piece of work.
The Legend of Ussej Padric Bac: Chapter Thirteen - A Lost Love has been posted. For those that have read the prologue, Chapter Five and Chapter Six, please note that the character that had been referred to as Eliatra Sabre has been renamed Aletra Jekkura. This is noted in a Behind the Scenes notice in this chapter and will be changed in previous chapters shortly. - Brandon Rhea 02:06, 8 July 2007 (UTC)
- The Legend of Ussej Padric Bac: Chapter Fourteen - Mayhem on Manaan has been posted. - Brandon Rhea 08:34, 8 July 2007 (UTC)
- I really like it Brandon. I was around when all this was going on, but you still managed to throw in some twists and turns that you came up with that make it enthralling for me. Plus, my character has a role in it, so that makes it all the much better (plus you did a good job portraying him too). Good job all around. Dexington 03:41, 9 July 2007 (UTC)
Lol, your character is in one chapter and then dies. Most people would be slitting my throat by now. - Brandon Rhea 04:27, 9 July 2007 (UTC)
- But at least he is in it, thats what matters. Dexington 14:19, 9 July 2007 (UTC)
Indeed, and if I ever do more novels about the Great War he'll be in those too. The plan for the six additional Great War novels that I would love to do would be to feature his rise and fall, along with other plots of the Great War.
- The Legend of Ussej Padric Bac: Chapter Fifteen - Foretold in the Heavens has been posted. - Brandon Rhea 02:57, 10 July 2007 (UTC)
- the novel looks great and looooooooooong, but I havent read it so that i wont steal any ideas for my storys/books: Episode III.II and After the Purge: The First Kudeb
Private of SWF 22:07, 11 July 2007 (UTC)
I would hope not. - Brandon Rhea 22:11, 11 July 2007 (UTC)
- The Legend of Ussej Padric Bac: Chapter Sixteen - The End of the Beginning has been posted. - Brandon Rhea 04:22, 15 July 2007 (UTC)
By far the best chapter yet. It sets up suspense throughout and even I was suprised when Ussej said he was leaving the Jedi. There are a few spelling mistakes (repeating words sometimes), but as I am not a good book critic, thats all I can say. Dexington 14:24, 15 July 2007 (UTC)
- Sorry about the delay in getting to it. I liked this one. Good character development, good plot. Even though I know what happens, it still makes me want to read it to find out just how it happens. Great work. -Solus (Bird of Prey) 21:47, 15 July 2007 (UTC)
The Legend of Ussej Padric Bac: Chapter Seventeen - The Coming of Darkness has been posted. - Brandon Rhea 14:22, 16 July 2007 (UTC)
- Perhaps this thread is meant for gushing praise. If so, then just strike this post. I just read the prologue, and was disappointed. For something so short, there are an awful lot of spelling and wording errors. I fixed the worst, but just in a surface read, I picked up two more. Example: "Troop carries" should be "troop carriers" and the tenses switch a lot from past to present. Just scrolling through Chapter 1, I found that Ussej put "his arms around her waste." Somehow, I don't think that's what was meant. Now, my work, I'm sure has a lot of spelling errors and such also, but it's more than that. It's more than merely the lack of italics for ship names. Perhaps it's because I only read the prologue, but I wasn't impressed with the detail. Nothing was thoroughly described: not the characters, not the planet, not the ships. Ussej could be a 1.3 meter tall midget for all I know. Let me just say that I am not trying to bash on Brandon or his enthusiasm, but he did ask my opinion. I'm a fanfic writer myself, so I am always looking for quality stuff to read and appreciate. Two out of five stars. Atarumaster88
(Talk page) 17:18, 17 July 2007 (UTC)
Well, yes, there are spelling errors in this prologue and all of the other chapters. I have a hard copy of each completed chapter printed out and I am currently in the process of spotting them and editing them out, though that takes some time. While I respect your opinion in that regard, it's certainly not what makes something quality or not quality. As for the detail, yes, you are correct about not describing the planet, the people, etc. and that is also something I am currently working on for this. It's mostly the prologue that I feel that has a lack of detail, so I'm hoping that as you get further into the novel you will not be as disappointed. Again, while I'm glad you've pointed out that flaws in the writing of this prologue, I am also looking for feedback on the story itself. Thanks for the review! - Brandon Rhea 19:03, 17 July 2007 (UTC)
- After a brief hiatus, Chapter Eighteen is up. - Brandon Rhea 02:51, 21 August 2007 (UTC)
Okay, after much time, I'm finally starting to read this. I agree with Atarumaster88 on the lack of visual description, though I must say I'm impressed with the collective project. Perhaps this is one of the most promising fanfictions I've ever seen on Star Wars Fanon, with the only exception being RelentlessRecussant's works (then again, his weren't promising, he had a tendency to post the whole thing at once.) --C3PO the Dragon Slayer 6,000,000 forms of communication | Dragons I've Slayed 
19:05, 6 September 2007 (UTC)
- Yeah, I've got to go back and add detail into sections, specifically the prologue. You'll see the amount of description going up significantly once you start getting deeper into the novel. I'm glad you liked it, and I'll have to look at RRs stuff. - Brandon Rhea 20:28, 6 September 2007 (UTC)
The Legend of Ussej Padric Bac: Prologue - Pho Ph'eah has been updated. Those who were critical of description within it should enjoy this rewrite. I also took an idea that Solus gave me and made it a flashback. - Brandon Rhea 05:30, 8 September 2007 (UTC)