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Forum:FC:Café Fanfic XIII

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Forums > Fanon Cantina > FC:Café Fanfic XIII

A bit belatedly, here's a Café Fanfic topic for June.

Just like the previous ones, we're going to talk about fan-fiction (yours). The basic ground rules are the same. Please restrict this to stuff from your fan-fiction, but aside from that, no pressure. You can suggest, make observations, but no condemning other people's work and "I don't know" is a perfectly acceptable answer.

June's topic: Let's talk about mistakes. What's an idea or a concept you had for a story or a character that ended up getting shelved? Why did you shelve it? Did it ever get adapted into something else? Atarumaster88 (Talk page) 20:26, June 10, 2012 (UTC)

Entries[]

Atarumaster88[]

  • I was in the middle of writing Force Exile IV: Guardian and was planning the following Yanibar Tales. I had an idea for a story that would allow readers to get to know Morgedh clan Kel'nerh, a new character introduced in FE IV. This story would place Selu Kraen and Morgedh on an Imperial COMPNOR/ImpRedesign ship investigating a series of demented scientific experiments on alien species. It was supposed to be a foray into the horror genre. A couple things happened that cause the story to be canned. First off, I wasn't excited about the story concept. It was less about the characters and more about fighting a combination of mad science and Imperial baddies. Meh. Second, I read Deathtroopers and while it was an okay read, writing something in that genre had even less appeal. Ultimately, I cut the story and ended up merging some parts of its concept with another story concept involving Akleyn Kraen and Bryndar Knrr which became Deception on R'alla instead, which I felt turned out much better. Atarumaster88 (Talk page) 20:26, June 10, 2012 (UTC)

MPK[]

  • (Spoiler-sh-ness for my stories, in case anyone cares) I'm not exactly sure if this counts, but my novella Legends of the Jedi: The Beast of Rutan was originally a much simpler story about a straight-up "Good Jedi vs Evil Jedi in abandoned tombs" plot. I think that was I was going for was something a bit like one of my earlier stories, River, where I sort of told the tale of a battle between a Jedi and Sith which, though they both had backstories and some personality traits, served more as a symbol for the entire Jedi vs Sith concept (like how a Jedi's life is about sacrifice, how innocents will always suffer because of their conflict, etc) than anything else; in other words, my initial idea was for a story consisting of a one-scene duel where we learn about the two combatants and what they and their conflict says about their respective sides and about galactic history and shit. In the end I decided that this was too simple and too familiar a story, for as soon as I actually started developing the protagonist, Morgent Kelbus, I quickly decided that the story would be about characters, rather than archetypes. Thus I introduced Kelbus as a (I hope, anyway) skilled and righteous but slightly arrogant Jedi Knight and his non-Forceful friend and companion Euthsia (who didn't exist in my earlier conception) as a foil to his character. Likewise the antagonist, Lavidean Dargus, who had begun as an "ordinary" fallen Jedi, evolved into a far more monstrous figure, and the story drifted a bit into the horror genre as a result. I'm very glad that I decided to take the story in a direction that I hadn't gone down before. -MPK, Free Man 22:46, June 10, 2012 (UTC)
  • I got a better one now, this one from wayyyy back, when the main storyline I was writing here was the so-called Dark Order series, which began as simply a continuation of the dark-side ending of Jedi Academy and ended up turning into something of an alternate post-RotJ galaxy. Once I started thinking about the timeline before 14 ABY, I started realizing that there was a bunch of stuff in the canon that I didn't like and didn't want to be assumed to have happened in the continuity (Dark Empire, Darksaber, KJA's Jedi Academy books, etc) and I consequentially felt a compulsive need to come up with replacements for them. And as I was realizing all this, I realized that the game JKA itself actually has a pretty lame-ass story with utterly depthless characters (including a protagonist who is actually too dull, lifeless, and uninteresting to garner a significant fanboy/fangirl base), a primarily unimaginative plot, and weird leaps of logic. So in order to better lead into the post-dark side ending story with a backstory that was actually good, I decided to write a series called the Jedi Academy Chronicles or something along those lines. Essentially, it would have been a series of short stories re-telling the events of JKA, but in such a way that the characters (most importantly Jaden and Rosh) would be likable and have actual personalities, the plot would be a lot better-strung-together, and Jaden's progression as a Jedi would consist of more than simply killing a shitton of people. I liked the idea because it sounded better than slogging through the unholy amount of novels I had planned. I abandoned it though because it, too, was too big, and I actually ended up losing interest in the entire Dark Order series. The Jedi Academy Chronicles sort of lives on, though, as my current Legend of the Jedi series follows a similar spirit (that is, a series of shorter stories that I can crank out without having to have a shitton of continuity to keep track of). -MPK, Free Man 12:42, June 11, 2012 (UTC)
    • So do you consider your Legend of the Jedi series to all occur in the same continuity, or are they separate from each other? Does the distinction even matter given that they are not interconnected? Atarumaster88 (Talk page) 22:29, June 17, 2012 (UTC)
      • Technically they do take place within the same continuity, but only two out of the fourteen-ish stories I have planned are directly connected to previous ones (sharing characters and such) - so except for those two, the distinction doesn't matter a whole lot. The point of the series is to explore the Jedi from its foundation down to just before the Great Hyperspace War, showing how those ancient Jedi's philosophies and ways of doing things were similar to and different from those that we're familiar with from later eras, and what sort of roles they played in early galactic history. So there's not really a whole lot of interconnectedness other than the fact that they're spread across a single history. That's why it's far easier and less painful to keep straight than what I wanted to do before: the canon has way more crap stuffed into twelve-ish in-universe years post-RotJ that I'd have to deal with than in the thousands of years that this series takes place in. -MPK, Free Man 00:26, June 18, 2012 (UTC)

Trak[]

Hoo boy, where to begin? Well, many have pointed out the less-than-spectacular climax of Breakfast in Bedlam, and I did have another version planned. However, that version was rendered unusable due to the environment I have placed the characters in. There simply wasn't any way that I could have made it work in a way that I would be satisfied with, so it was shelved. Later, I started drafting up notes for a sequel, which I planned to incorporate that failed scene in. That whole project was shelved indefinitely. The story had taken a different turn since I started Wasting the Day in Bedlam.

And then there's the cringe crap from years ago, parts of which still float around in small capacities in my fanon, and all of which have been forgotten about. I'm not going into details as there's really no need. Just think of what a ninth-grade fangirl would write and you'll have a general idea of what I mean by "cringe crap." Trak Nar Ramble on 08:27, June 15, 2012 (UTC)

Bramblebriar Lane[]

I'll admit, this one was shelved. I still have my notes, my outlines, and I blasted through the first three chapters as my first NaNo fic, but I immediately lost momentum right afterward. The words simply were not flowing. They still aren't flowing. So, unfortunately, that story has been shelved. I want to finish it, but I dunno when I'll be able to do so. If I force myself to work on it, I can assure you that everything I write will be garbage, as one cannot force a story. So, sad to say, but Bramblebriar Lane has been shelved. Trak Nar Ramble on 05:56, June 20, 2012 (UTC)

  • Bramblebriar Lane is in your ears and your eyes. Deep beneath the Pennsylvanian skies. You sit and think awhile back.....Sorry. Anyway, I hope it comes back to you as I would like to see what you write about that doesn't involve You know who. -I'm the Chosen One 23:05, June 20, 2012 (UTC)

Goodwood[]

  • Well, probably my biggest mistake was not taking the time to do Impact Events justice, as the last half even to me now seems a bit rushed and more than a little hare-brained. Eventually I'm going to pull it and give the story the justice it deserves, namely a hefty dose of proper exposition, more believable and drawn-out confrontations, and a new "villain" for the big climax (not to mention nixing a few of those whacky add-ins). On the other side of the coin is the adaptive novel for Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords that I had started about three to four years ago (wow, how time flies). It got shelved indefinitely due to the fact that there was just no way I could bring myself to complete such a task; the resulting word count would have easily gone over Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Instead, I referenced some of my own interpretations as put forth in that novel into my other fanon stories, most notably Laera Reyolé's story arc in the Tales from the Corps series. The most notable one is, of course, my idea of having Vima Sunrider being the Jedi Exile.

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    • Funny story, bro, is that I myself also started and threw out a TSL novelization. It sounded like such a cool idea, how I'd be able to fix the plot holes from the game, throw in ideas of my own (for instance, I planned on having segments of the story told from Darth Nihilus' trippy point of view, and also on including Highlander-esque flashbacks to the Exile's experiences in the war), and all that. Then I realized that it meant I'd have to go through the whole game, figure out what areas I'd want to include and what to leave out, what to change, what to gloss over, and keep track of all that, and then actually write it. That discouraged me, and I was only a few paragraphs into the prologue when I realized that if I pursued the project seriously, I'd probably just end up gouging my own eyes out. -MPK, Free Man 00:44, June 18, 2012 (UTC)
      • Doesn't every project, yours or otherwise, make you want to gouge your own eyes out, MPK? :D - Brandon Rhea(talk) 23:54, June 20, 2012 (UTC)
        • Actually, that's usually just when it's the prospect of reading someone else's fanfic. When it's a project of my own, that's when I know I'm really in trouble. I think the reason I rejected this novelization idea so violently is the fact that I played through TSL so many times that nowadays I feel extremely ill (and ashamed) whenever I think of playing it again. -MPK, Free Man 14:33, June 21, 2012 (UTC)

Brandon[]

Sarus[]

This is a great topic. There are so many things I could talk about in this topic, but for now I’ll just stick to one: the character of Sarus. He’s a villain in the current premise of Star Wars: Episode I - The Chosen One, and he strayed into misguided villain territory in the second and previous draft I had put out, but in the first one he was a completely benevolent figure who filled an almost Qui-Gon Jinn type of role. He introduced Annikin Skywalker to his destiny and helped guide him throughout the chapters that were set on Tatooine, and Annikin appreciated it in the end.

The problem with that approach was that I wrote it in such a way where all of the characters believed what he said just cuz. He talked about Annikin’s great destiny as the Chosen One and how he would destroy the Sith one day, and everyone just kind of took it as “Oh, awesome. That’ll be nice.” There was no push back, no reluctance. Even Annikin just took it on face value. Rather than rejecting what Sarus said, Annikin went right to pondering the implications of what it meant to be a pre-destined savior. That makes no sense. Annikin even hugs Sarus to say thank you at the end of the Tatooine parts of the first draft. I mean really...come on.

I began to realize how that didn’t work when I took to heart what Ataru was saying about Sarus. He basically said that Sarus came across as a snake oil salesman, and the only way Ataru could justify the characters going with what he was saying hook, line, and sinker was to assume that Sarus was manipulating them somehow—all of which spoke ill of Sarus and his intentions. That was never my intention to put that vibe across, but that’s how Ataru took it.

When I decided to move on to a second draft, I wanted to embrace that concept that Ataru talked about more. Sarus was still sincere in what he believed in, and he had good intentions, but the way he went about trying to convince other characters rubbed them the wrong way, and no one trusted him. Annikin pretty much despised him too. Sarus launches an attack on Jabba the Hutt’s fortress in Anchorhead to try and free Annikin from Tatooine, and that blows up in his face—but, it was still done with good intentions.

So as I develop the story of The Chosen One further, I continue to move Sarus further and further away from the benevolent character he started out as. There’s a side of him (a small one) that’s sincere and means well, but on the whole there’s something seriously twisted and wrong with him now. By and large, he does not have anyone’s best interests at heart, least of all the Chosen One's, and he’s really more interested in himself.

All of that is very important too. There’s another character who will be brand new (as in, didn’t exist in canon) who is a dark Force warrior, and he’ll be a factor and player in The Chosen One and the story of Michael Lars (the new name of Annikin—he’ll get the name Annikin Skywalker later). However, he’s too powerful a foe for Michael to deal with, and is instead someone Obi-Wan Kenobi will have to deal with. As Obi-Wan does that, Michael deals with his own villain: Sarus. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 01:52, June 19, 2012 (UTC)

  • I laughed at the first paragraph and am disappointed at the new Sarus for being so inconsiderate.-I'm the Chosen One 22:47, June 19, 2012 (UTC)
    • Trust me, he's better this way. The old Sarus and his interactions with the other characters was almost implausible how they treated him like some kind of cult leader. Atarumaster88 (Talk page) 23:52, June 19, 2012 (UTC)
      • Per Ataru. Plus, that version of the character wasn’t compelling or interesting in any way. The second version of him was more so, since he did pose somewhat of a threat, but I don’t think he was enough of a threat. He was enough of a threat for the purposes of the second draft, where the Tatooine sequences were only 1/3 of the novel, but as you recall I split that novel into Episode I, Episode II, and Episode III now. The Tatooine chapters are now an entire novel, so that part of the story and the characters within it need to stand on their own. Because of that, Sarus can’t just be a minor roadblock. Michael needs an antagonist to overcome, and so Sarus is much more of a villain in the new version than just a misguided religious zealot. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 00:56, June 20, 2012 (UTC)

Shadows of the Jedi[]

Long before Star Wars: Episode I - The Chosen One was ever an apocalyptic fantasy of mine, I worked on another novel that I never finished: Shadows of the Jedi: The Legend of Ussej Padric Bac. The novel centered on, you guessed it, Ussej Padric Bac. It was set at the end of the Great Territorial War and covered the events that I role-played with the character on TheStarWarsRP.Com; he was my role-playing character in 2005, and was the first character I ever role-played.

Let me prologue this by saying that I’m talking about the novelization of all of this, not the RP itself. A few years back I’m pretty sure I offended the person who RPd Laili Jeyna Rendar, the female lead of the storyline, when I talked critically about the RP storyline in the context of the novel, so let me just say that I don’t think the way it was RPd was a mistake. To transfer it into the medium of a novel almost entirely as it was in the RP, however, was a mistake, because a role-play and a novel are two entirely different animals.

The key difference between a RP and a novel is that they don’t need the same kind of narrative flow. RPing is essentially writing a series of events that don’t necessarily have to be tied together all that well. A good RPer can make a RP storyline look like it was planned out the entire time even if they’re making it up as they go, but you don't have to make it look like it was all coherently planned. You don’t need a fully coherent narrative with a strong beginning, middle, and end.

For that reason, you can’t simply transfer a RP storyline as is into novel form and expect it to be a proper novel—a lesson that two unfinished drafts of SOTJ taught me. RPing Ussej back in 2005 was great. It was some of the most fun I’ve had RPing, and I wouldn’t change the experience. I always have a great sense of nostalgia for it. However, if I were to judge the strength of the narrative storyline of each main character I’ve RPd—Ussej Padric Bac, Ussej Padric Bac III, Banik Kelrada, and Jhon Cordatus—the original Ussej would actually be the weakest. That’s fine for a RP; we were RPing to have fun, not to create Masterpiece Theater.

Once transitioned to novel form, though, the weaknesses were apparent in a way that they weren't in the RP. Ussej was not a very compelling hero in that novel because there wasn’t really a reason to care about him. The beginning of that novel was the first RP I ever did with Ussej, but in the context of the RP there were other factors that would make people care more about Ussej and how he became Darth Mantus (as well as his redemption later on). I was an admin, for starters, so on the site that colored username automatically gives weight to whatever an admin does.

Additionally, I was not the most well known RPer of that storyline, as I was fairly new. I didn’t come from the LucasArts role-playing forum like a lot of other RPers had, nor did I come from another site that people from SWRP played on originally. The people who RPd the other main characters, Darth Ravinos and Laili Rendar, did come from those other sites and were very well established as major players in that timeline. Darth Ravinos, formerly Jedi Master Kit Rendar, was the apprentice of the Sith Empress, Darth Viea. Laili was his sister. Ussej becomes involved in their storyline because Laili wanted Ussej to help redeem her brother. I think people gravitated to the storyline because of the two people RPing Kit and Laili.

So in that sense, the ultimate goal of that storyline had at its center Kit Rendar as the key—not Ussej Padric Bac. In fact, I would call Ussej the third of three most important characters in that particular storyline. The redemption of Kit was the goal, and the emotional connection to that quest was Laili. A love story between Ussej and Laili did happen, and there were more interactions with Ussej and Laili than there were with either of them and Kit, but they each played particular roles. Kit was the fallen hero. Laili was the loved one seeking redemption for her brother. Ussej was basically the tool to try and make that happen.

I say all of that to make a particular point: without knowing all of the Kit Rendar backstory as the people on SWRP did, and without knowing anything about him or having seen his tragic fall as the people on SWRP did, then you really had no reason to care about the events of SOTJ. I decided that for that novel, as it was mine, that Ussej would be the main character. There was nothing inherently wrong with that decision. He did not have anything compelling enough in his story, though, to make him an effective central hero character—nor did he do anything remotely deserving of the title "The Legend of Ussej Padric Bac." In fact, the central conflict of the story for Ussej ended up being with his friend and Jedi Grand Master Damien Nightblade, who Ussej, for no particular reason other than the fact that it was similar to Anakin Skywalker, decided to accuse of trying to steal Laili from him and hold him back as a Jedi.

Between all of that, you didn’t care that he was asked to save Darth Ravinos, who you knew nothing about other than what the novel said to you in the narrative. You didn’t care that Ussej fell in love with Laili, whose function in the story was relegated to damsel in distress/love interest due to Ussej being the focus and not Kit (and that was my fault, not the fault of the person who RPd Laili, because I got the focus wrong). You didn’t care if Ussej fell to the dark side. You didn’t care if he was redeemed. You didn’t care because I gave you no reason to care. In the context of the war, the novel started in medias res, but failed in doing so.

The story had potential. Even frequent Ussej critic Ataru used to say that it had potential, otherwise he wouldn’t have spent his time reading and reviewing it to help me improve. For the story to work, though, you need to have that emotional hook, and the only way to have that emotional hook, in my estimation of the story, is to see the whole story. That’s why, before the end of the apocalypse (hint hint, wink wink, this will never happen), I would like to write an entire series of stories on the Great Territorial War. Ussej would be the focus, since this would be an Alternative Saga version of the events of that timeline and not a proper and faithful adaptation of the timeline itself, but it would start from the beginning of the war. Ussej would be a young Jedi. Kit would still be a Jedi hero. Viea would still be Jedi Master Adena Qel-Droma. Laili would be properly developed in the context of the storyline. Etc. Etc. Etc. That way, you could see the entire journey, not just the ending.

That’s the key takeaway from it, the need for a coherent narrative that RP storylines on their own don’t often provide, and therefore necessitating some level of rewriting and re-arranging.

However, that’s not all I learned. Some things I learned were simple mechanics about the difference between writing a RP and writing a novel. When I converted those RPs into novel form, I thought I needed to imbue a sense of grandeur into the novelization. I tried to be grandiose and Shakespearean and it was terrible. There were sometimes when, instead of having a character say “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I would have a character say “I know not what you are saying.” I thought that made it seem fancy and professional, but really it just looked stupid.

The other key mechanical difference is writing the perspectives of the characters. In a RP, you are only RPing your character. So if there was a RP where Kit posted, then Laili posted, and then Ussej posted, then the perspectives would be in that order. There’d be a paragraph or two of Kit’s thoughts, then his dialogue. Then there would be a paragraph or two of Laili’s thoughts, then her dialogue. Finally, there would be a paragraph or two of Ussej’s thoughts, and then his dialogue. Lather, rinse, repeat, etc. That’s not how a novel works, though. Perspectives aren’t segregated into different paragraphs. You have to write them in a way that works and flows most appropriately for whatever scene or even story that you’re writing.

I also used to think that every line of dialogue had to have at least a paragraph of narrative between it and the next line of dialogue, because that’s what a written RP looks like. A novel doesn’t need that, though. You end up forcing narrative rather than having something that’s needed and actually flows well, and the reader notices it. What do they care what someone’s facial expression, thoughts, or worries are after every single line of dialogue? They don’t. That was me pretending a writing convention existed when it didn't and then forcing myself to be beholden to that pretend standard.

I’m sure I could write a lot more on the topic of converting RPs into novel form, but those are the major lessons I can think of now. I’m glad I learned those lessons too. The transition from RPing to novel writing isn’t easy, but for me it was a process that was worthwhile. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 18:28, June 20, 2012 (UTC)

  • This comment is in reference to Ataru's comment about Laili being a failed character, which he said here. Laili as the RP character isn’t a failed character, but Laili as the novelized adaptation of the RP character is a failed presentation of the character. Her main issues, from what I remember you saying, were that she had this unjustified sense of bravado about her while basically only functioning as a damsel in distress. That made her come across as annoying. The truth is, though, she was more than just Ussej’s girlfriend. For the novel, the issue is that I decided I wanted it all to center around Ussej, so the RPs and RP storylines that were shown were only ones that were relevant to Ussej. That means that the storylines that showed Laili as her own character, independent of Ussej, weren’t there. In the RP, she was a smuggler. She went on smuggling missions. She interacted with mercenaries and bounty hunters. She took care of herself, whereas she was always being rescued in SOTJ. That independency and smuggler background was where the bravado came from. She was a rogue. She was partly of the Han Solo archetype. But that goes back to what I said about Ussej as a Mary Sue in The Tragedy. I can’t expect you to know that about Laili just because I tell you that, when all you can base your opinion on is the story I told, not the story I didn't. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 20:33, June 20, 2012 (UTC)

Ussej in The Tragedy[]

I’ll preface this by saying that including Ussej in my fan fic short story Star Wars: The Tragedy, which is now cut content since it doesn’t fit with the latest version of The Chosen One anymore, was not a mistake. Darth Plagueis is Damien Nightblade, and Ussej and Damien are inextricably linked together as friends, brothers in arms, opponents, and children of destiny. To tell the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise in the Alternative Saga without including Ussej simply would’ve been an insult against the story of Ussej Padric Bac and Damien Nightblade.

The key thing, however, is that the tragedy of Darth Plagueis is the end of Darth Plagueis. It’s only a few short decades prior to The Chosen One, which means it’s thousands of years after Ussej and Damien were alive as young mortal Jedi Knights fighting a devastating war against the Third Sith Empire. It's thousands of years after that which made them live forever. Because of that, in that conception of the Alternative Saga storyline, Ussej was in a particular place in his story where he had certain powers. Namely, as the Shaman of the Whills, he had the use of the time stream, a river in the pocket dimension of Ashlan Four where the entire timeline of the galaxy flowed through it. Ussej could step into any given point in time within the river and interact in that time, because Ashlan Four existed outside of time as we know it. That would allow him to appear and disappear seemingly out of thin air, since he was essentially passing through the doorway of one dimension into another.

That’s powerful stuff. The one thing I always knew is that it risked Ussej looking like a Mary Sue character. However, I knew about Ussej’s flaws, his struggles, his real place in the grand scheme of the galaxy, what his destiny truly was, and how he would react when learning the truth about his place in the grand scheme of things, so I knew that he wasn’t actually a Mary Sue. He was someone who was given an extraordinary amount of power, but who was not defined by that power, and who did not have the qualities of a Mary Sue.

Let me say that again: I knew about all of that. I knew. The reader, however, didn’t. When judging the reactions of fan fic and SWRP "heavy hitters," shall we say, namely people who are really good at writing and who knew what they were talking about when it comes to fan fics, there was a very clear line of division between them. Those who knew enough about the story of Ussej and Damien liked The Tragedy a lot. Those who didn’t know enough about the story of Ussej and Damien didn’t like the story. For example, the person who RPd Damien Nightblade on SWRP loved the story, as did other SWRP first timeline veterans (the first timeline being the timeline of Ussej and Damien). Goodwood, however, did not. All Goodwood knew about Ussej was that he was someone who could appear and disappear out of thin air wherever and whenever he wanted—but he didn’t know how, because the time stream explanation wasn’t in The Tragedy. So what Goodwood knew was that Ussej was a super powerful being who had lived for nearly 4,000 years and who most likely couldn’t die...all just "for some reason."

That’s not Goodwood’s fault. That’s my fault, and the fault how the story was presented. Just like Shadows of the Jedi, I decided to tell the end of a particular storyline and gave you no reason to understand or care about what was going on. The Tragedy started as a way of showing how the Dark Lord killed Darth Plagueis. I decided I wanted more of an emotional connection in it, so I chose to reveal that Plagueis was Damien Nightblade (a name many people were familiar with from my other stuff) and to include Ussej as the character who could feel the emotion of Plagueis’ death. In the grand context of the overall Alternative Saga story at the time, I think it worked well. As a story that needed to stand on its own, though, it didn’t. There's no debating that.

So there’s the moral of this mistake: stories need to stand on their own. Just because you as the writer know something about a character, something that can completely change people’s perceptions of a character, doesn’t mean that readers are going to. You can’t tell them after the fact “Oh don’t worry, despite everything you just saw, he’s not actually a Mary Sue,” as I think I told Goodwood at one point. How would a reader know if that’s true?

A reader can only judge your work on the story you’ve told, not the story you didn’t.

The Tragedy doesn’t fit anymore anyway, since the story of Ussej in the era of The Chosen One has changed (no more time stream, for example). Perhaps some day I’ll release a new and better version of The Tragedy, but, for now, the only story I’ve actually ever completed will have to live as cut content. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 19:11, June 20, 2012 (UTC)

Dooku in The Chosen One[]

Those of you who read previous drafts of The Chosen One will surely remember Jard Dooku. He was the Jedi Master who trained Obi-Wan Kenobi to become a Jedi Knight, and who Obi-Wan was stuck with on his mission to Utapau (now Ondos) to try and get the Trade Federation (now Trade Alliance) to end their blockade of the planet. Dooku was a stubborn and arrogant Jedi Master, so much so that his attitude provided some humor for the story (which was written that way on purpose, just to be clear). He was completely adamant that Sarus was a liar and that the Sith were extinct, even after an attack by Darth Maul. Given how often Dooku butted heads with Obi-Wan, that poor relationship and the Dooku character all seemed like they would be heading somewhere.

The problem is I had no idea what the hell I was doing with that character, and the only reason he was included is that I liked the idea of Dooku having been the one to train Obi-Wan. I once saw a topic on a message board about what a role-reversal between Dooku and Qui-Gon would’ve been like, where Qui-Gon became the Sith and Separatist and Dooku was the good character. That wasn’t where I was headed, but I liked the idea of making Dooku the master of Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon a mentor who helped Obi-Wan as a Jedi trainee in ways that a stubborn old Dooku couldn’t. Why? Not a clue.

I would think and think and think and think about what to do with Dooku. I knew that I wanted him to leave the Jedi, but I didn’t know why. He wasn’t going to be a Sith Lord again. There was a thought of him being a Dark Jedi, but why? What purpose would those ideas serve? In the TCO chapters I had written, what purpose did Dooku serve at all? Quite frankly, he didn’t serve any purpose. He was someone who offered criticism of Obi-Wan, but for no particular story-based reason and to no particular end.

The moral of that is you should never use a character if you don’t know what you’re doing with that character, especially if your ignorance as to where they are going in future stories makes it so they have no purpose in your current story. Because of that, Jard Dooku is now a cut concept in The Chosen One and the Alternative Saga. His removal from The Chosen One has had no negative impacts whatsoever. The new storyline of the novel would render him even more pointless than he already was.

Now, Qui-Gon remains a mentor to Obi-Wan, but his main teacher was Yoda—just as the original trilogy said. Obi-Wan is all the better off as a character for it, as is the storyline. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 19:41, June 20, 2012 (UTC)

  • Holy Katarn, Brandon, I think you've written more here than in all the other cafe fanfics combined and your collection of completed fanworks! Pretty interesting stuff, some of which I didn't know before. Also, Laili is still a failed character IMO until proven otherwise. Atarumaster88 (Talk page) 20:03, June 20, 2012 (UTC)

The Frog Man, and why not everyone needs a destiny[]

Another character from past drafts of The Chosen One that I won’t be including in the current one is Jar Binks, the not stupid version of Jar Jar Binks. Jar Binks was the Crowned Prince of the Gungan Empire. The Gungans, in the beginning of The Chosen One, played much the same role as they did in The Phantom Menace. Obi-Wan and Dooku went there with Binks’ help, were brought before the Gungan Council, and then used a mind trick to get themselves a bongo to go to the capital. Yay originality...

Binks was going to have a purpose later on in the story; the Tatooine sequences and pretty much all of Coruscant would have shown him with no purpose whatsoever, until the story made it back to Utapau (now Ondos). Now that the Tatooine, Coruscant, and Ondos thirds of the story have been broken into Episode I, Episode II, and Episode III, respectively, that means Binks has no meaningful role for The Chosen One and Star Wars: Episode II - The Call of Destiny. Therefore, if he is introduced again, it wouldn’t be until Star Wars: Episode III - Destiny of the Jedi.

So what was that purpose? It would be found out that Rugor Nass, the Gungan leader (aka Boss Nass from the prequels), was working with the Trade Federation (now the Trade Alliance) and helped the Federation in carrying out their invasion. That’s why the Gungans weren’t affected by the initial invasion, because the Federation shouldn’t be so stupid that they don’t know there’s an entire underwater civilization. I mean really...do a little research on the planet you’re invading before you invade it. Because Rugor Nass was corrupt, the armies of the Gungan Empire would not initially help the Utapauans against the Federation army at the end of the story.

Enter Jar Binks, the exiled Crowned Prince.

Having seen firsthand people such as Annikin Skywalker begin to accept his destiny and Queen Arcadia accept her role as leader of her people, Binks is inspired and ready to return to his people as more than just an exile who broke the rules by returning. He’s ready to kick ass and take names, with that name being Rugor Nass. He’d return, defeat Nass, and become the leader of his people—his birthright. He would then lead the Gungan armies, alongside the Utapauans, against the Federation in the battle that would spark the Clone Wars. With the Gungans and Utapauns becoming friends again at the end of the novel, I was also toying with the idea of Arcadia making Binks the Senator of Utapau when Palpatine was elected Supreme Chancellor, to help with the reconciliation between the two peoples.

On the whole, that’s a pretty good concept, I think. Of course, my first TCO draft had to make it stupid.

TCO is fundamentally a story about how Michael Lars grapples with the concept of destiny, and how he has to deal with other people telling him who he is when he doesn’t even know who he is. When you’re a less experienced writer, such as I was in 2007-08 when I was writing the first TCO draft, you can let the concept of destiny get carried away.

That was the case with Jar Binks, who I decided to write a prophecy and destiny for rather than just a birthright. That was the Prophecy of the Rana Hama. After Sarus told Annikin (now Michael) about his destiny as the Chosen One, Binks noticed a cave painting on the wall of the Ophuchi sanctuary that looked like a frog-like man. Sarus explained that it was about a prophetic figure called the Rana Ham—which meant “frog man”...yes, I know, it’s awful—who was exiled from his watery kingdom but would one day return and lead his people. Binks recognized that it was talking about him.

There was no reason for that prophecy to exist. Sometimes supporting characters should just be supporting characters. Their importance in the story is how they affect the story of the hero. They’re there to support the hero’s story. They don’t need their own grand purpose shoehorned in to try to make them more important. That, at least in my own critique of how I wrote Jar Binks in that draft, was an indication that Binks wasn’t a strong enough character in how I was portraying him in that part of the story. If he was, I don’t think I would’ve come up with something as contrived as the Prophecy of the Frog Man—given that he is an aquatic creature, and his prophecy was found in a cave painting in a desert. Yeah...

The moral of the story is that not everyone needs a destiny. If everyone has a destiny that they have to struggle with, then that cheapens the destiny and the struggle of the hero. Let the supporting character's destiny be to help the hero fulfill his or her own. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 21:36, June 20, 2012 (UTC)

  • Is that supposed to be a word of wisdom? I mean, of course not everyone should have a foretold destiny, unless that's the joke or the twist. I don't think many people would actually try to make everyone have a foretold destiny, that's just kind of over-the-top. I mean, Sir Hotness didn't have a destiny, so even in your earlier drafts not everyone had one. So yeah, you already followed your own "moral." And even then, technically all the main characters in a good story have a "destiny" - that is, the author knows what will happen to that character and about how it will happen. That is, if they're good characters and have arcs. It's called dynamic storytelling. So yeah, your moral makes no sense, and it's hard to take someone seriously when they have the face of a duck and the ears of a rabbit. El fin. -Solus Talk to the Hand 21:47, June 20, 2012 (UTC)
    • I used destiny as an example of undue importance in the context of Jar Binks. The major takeaway from this mistake is that you shouldn’t try to force importance onto someone in an effort to try and strengthen an otherwise weak character, because it’ll just be contrived. Surely I’m not the only one who has had a character they liked but who just wasn’t cutting it in the story and had to be removed. And actually, in the second draft (the one where Logan aka your “Sir Hotness” was introduced), everyone did have a destiny, and that was dumb too (just less so than the frog man). Sarus said that everyone in Annikin’s supporting entourage—Obi-Wan, Dooku, Arcadia, Logan, and Binks—had to remain together and support the Chosen One. If their group fractured, then things risked going to hell in a hand basket. Sound at all familiar? There’s a reason I referred to it OOU as the “Fellowship of the Chosen One.” When Dooku would leave the Jedi, that would be the breaking of the fellowship. It was another, albeit less prominent, example of my placing unnecessary destined importance onto characters who didn’t need it. If the characters can’t stand on their own merits in support of the hero, they’re not very good characters. That’s the important point. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 22:01, June 20, 2012 (UTC)
  • I'll take that too.-I'm the Chosen One 00:12, June 21, 2012 (UTC)

Solus[]

Topic[]

This is a great topic. There are so many things I could talk about in this topic, but for now I’ll just stick to just a few topics that are topical.

Anyhooooo...Oh, look! I'm editing SWF! shockerz. To get to the point, though...yeah, I've shelved a lot of things, usually leaving them half-finished. WAAAAAAY back, when I first joined, I had a main person I wanted to write about, then have a lot of people mentioned in his article, then make their articles, then have articles about the people mentioned in their articles, then have articles about the people mentioned in their articles, then have articles about the people mentioned in their articles, then have articles about the people mentioned in their articles, ad infinitum. I stopped when I realized how impractical that would be. As I'm hard-headed, that took a while. -Solus Talk to the Hand 03:27, June 20, 2012 (UTC)

Topic?[]

Ahhhh...I guess next thing I shelved would have to be the whole Darius thing. Yeah. Those of you who know what I mean know what I mean. Anyhow, I do think it had potential for a good meandering story, but the main character...yeah. He just...yeah. -Solus Talk to the Hand 03:27, June 20, 2012 (UTC)

Topic![]

Okay, so next chronologically would be the whole Inquiry into the Nature of the Sentient Species thing. Most of you know it as "that compilation that 'Rakata' is in." Anyhow, yeah, "Rakata" was supposed to be one in several short horror stories with the most boring title in the world (because I'm a cop who doesn't play by the rules), but the only one I got done was "Rakata." Whhhyyy? Because "Rakata" was the main reason behind the whole thing. It was the first one I came up with and the first one I worked with. I really wanted to tell that story. The other stories I came up with were...well, they were kinda filler. I mean, they each had potential, and some of them I think were pretty good, but I just made them to be companions to "Rakata," but "Rakata" was the only one I loved. So yeah, that's why that project was never finished, I just didn't love the other story plans I had enough. -Solus Talk to the Hand 03:27, June 20, 2012 (UTC)

Toooooopiiiiiiiiiic[]

Okay, so, lastly, the project I'm working on now. Yeah. The big one. The one I've been working on for...four years, give or take? Yeah. Do you have any idea how many drafts and idea stages there have been for that thing? I can't even think of them all. Okay, so first, it was going to be a SW fanfic. Then I decided I wanted a chance at making it legit and started inventing my own sci-fi world to set it all in. Then I scrapped that, and now it's back to being a SW fanfic. There have been numerous name changes, some people more than once, changes in personality, in sequence, in point of view, in races, in locations, in small plot elements, in large plot elements, in motivation, in backstory, in character arcs, in SO MANY THINGS. When this finally does get to you (and it's on it's way, trust me), I just hope you can appreciate all the thought I put into the thing. If nothing else, at least try to appreciate the amount of Chekhov's guns - there are too many to count, and most of them are used more than once. I can't guarentee you'll like the monstrous thing, but at least grant me an "E" for effort. Why didn't I still scrap the main premise, though, why did I keep on working on this for years, honing it, thinking about it, replanning it, reoutlining it? As you may have guessed from the Topic! above, it's because I love it. I love the story, I'm loving my characters, and above all, I love the premise. It's my deconstruction. Deconstruction of what? Many things. You'll find out. You may not love it, but this story is my baby—I made it out of my blood, sweat, and tears. You don't have to love it, but I do. I really, really do. ;) -Solus Talk to the Hand 03:27, June 20, 2012 (UTC)

  • Now you just have to write it, Soli. :P Atarumaster88 (Talk page) 05:03, June 20, 2012 (UTC)
    • D: I have a lot written, just not enough proofread enough times to my liking. I finished Chapter X... -Solus Talk to the Hand 05:11, June 20, 2012 (UTC)
      • You have a strange obsession for proofreading, Solus. :P Atarumaster88 (Talk page) 05:19, June 20, 2012 (UTC)
        • You saw how bad the Prologue was with me proofreading it all those times. Imagine how much worse it would have been without as much as it got. x.x -Solus Talk to the Hand 05:25, June 20, 2012 (UTC)
          • Solus has been writing something big? That is quite a shock to me. Good luck with the whole thing. One question though, does the "X" stand for ten or chapter unknown?-I'm the Chosen One 20:56, June 20, 2012 (UTC)
            • I cannot confirm or deny any knowledge I might have been or might be in the future alleged to have about this project of Solus. Atarumaster88 (Talk page) 20:59, June 20, 2012 (UTC)
              • Eh, telling ITCO that I meant Chapter 10 won't hurt anything. I mean, my story having 10 chapters isn't going to ruin any of the [many] twists. But I appreciate the loyalty. <ataruhuggle> -Solus Talk to the Hand 21:50, June 20, 2012 (UTC)
                • Basically, the story is about <MAJORSPOILERS>. And it's horrifying. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 23:56, June 20, 2012 (UTC)
  • :O How did you know?!?!? -Solus Talk to the Hand 00:17, June 21, 2012 (UTC)

SavageOpress1138[]

Wow, I'm doing a Cafe Fanfic! I have a relatively simple answer to this. I've attempted to write, begun to write, and gotten to difference stages of completion with four or five sequels to my short story Smuggler: Meridan's Tale. There was one of Meridan's ancestors during the time of KotOR, one of Streg's ancestors during the time of KotOR, one of Meridan during the time of SWTOR, etc. Why were the shelved? Because I could never commit to a single storyline. I couldn't decide what is was that I wanted to write. Currently, I'm writing a prequel that shows Streg and the events that put him in the position he's in during S:MT. Will this story be shelved? I don't think so, I'm pretty sure this is the one I want to write. That said, I've felt that was for pretty much all of the other ones I've started. Maybe I'll eventually go back and write all of them, but I doubt it. Savage1138 01:12, June 21, 2012 (UTC)

Josh Bender[]

Echon Kenobi Tarkin[]

Jesus, my first fanon character. Ugh, so many problems with this one character. Echon is the anchor to all of my fanon, so anything I change on him means I change most of my fanon. And boy-howdy have had to change things.

A little back story first. Echon started off as Echon Kenobi, my character for a SWRPG campaign my friend was running. I had originally intended for him to be an ancestor during the time of the Old Republic. However, my friend then shifted the storyline into New Republic times so Echon Kenobi had to be changed. I ended up going with the idea that he was a clone raised by Wilhuff Tarkin as a weapon against the Empire that never came to fruition. As our game progressed we had the scene revealed. Then a couple years later it dawned on me that it made zero sense that Echon Kenobi would go around calling himself that so I then changed his name to Echon Tarkin, to better suit his back story. As more time went on, I started to use Echon in my stories, furthering his back story. However, I was trapped within a strict timeline. See, Echon only had a short window to be born and raised by Wilhuff Tarkin, and that window provided me with a limited time to have him in the Imperial military. His military background however was crucial to his story. He goes missing during the Battle of Endor, to which then he reappears in 7 ABY much to the excitement of the citizens of Eriadu. Then he was to land on Voltar and help out with their situation. Then after that he's supposed to help out in the SWRPG campaign I mentioned at the start.

And then about a year ago I had a revelation: move the events of Voltar from 7 ABY to 14 ABY. That gave me more years to expand on Echon and (hopefully) stop him from sounding so Mary Sue. But as I kept writing, I found myself changing more and more of Echon, eventually calling him "Emil". As it stands now, Emil is now a podracer/swoop racer who (like Brandon's Michael Lars) is destined for bigger things. It's hard to describe the major changes without spoiling my new vision for him and Imperial Treachery as a whole. Pretty much most of the back story I created had to be rewritten, as well as a couple of other characters. I'm still neck-deep in rewrites, so I have nothing at the moment to show off. I'm actually hopping to releasing something this summer, but knowing me, that'll never happen .--Josh Benderщ(ﾟДﾟщ) 20:37, June 21, 2012 (UTC)

Discussion[]

Idea for next month: Talk about how music influences you and your writing. You could talk about a character's theme, an overall theme for a story or just from a scene in particular.--Josh Benderщ(ﾟДﾟщ) 23:31, June 21, 2012 (UTC)

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