CS:Meeting on Ord Mirit

Star Wars Fanon > Council of Seers > Featured article nominations > Meeting on Ord Mirit

This is the archived review page for the successful featured article nomination of Meeting on Ord Mirit.

Nomination[]

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Approve (4 Council of Seers/5 users/9 total)

Not bad, not bad. --User:Darth Wylind ^{(Conference Room)} 22:21, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
I was going to vote for this yesterday, totally forgot. -Bluethunder^Contact 02:23, March 27, 2010 (UTC)
Ditto.-Chosen One^{So the Prophecy says...} 02:26, March 27, 2010 (UTC)
Brandon Rhea ^(talk) 18:37, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
---Ping^{(JediCommando)} 18:42, April 17, 2010 (UTC)
Brent Krajewski (The Forge) (Gateway) 00:38, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
Read it over, looks good. --Xepeyon You Speak, I've Spoken 01:38, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
--D.W. ^(talk) 02:42, May 2, 2010 (UTC)
--Josh Bender^Talk 02:44, May 2, 2010 (UTC)

Objections

ITCO's Objection Stuff
- Prelude
  - In 13,000 BBY, the Alsakan Union successfully launched an invasion of Coruscant, taking control of the planet away from the Galactic Republic. Omit away as it is unneeded in the sentence.
    - Weird, I could've sworn I did that earlier. =/ - Brandon Rhea ^(talk) 05:23, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
- The meeting
  - when Kelrada arrived, Tanoor immediately rejected any suggestion that she would delay a counterattack, I think you should change would to should since Kelrada is suggesting for her to do so.
  - Despite her reluctance, the Chancellor did agree to attempt to hold off a counterattack in the hopes that Kelrada would be successful, though she would only be able to do so until she felt pressure from her military commanders for a counterattack became too great. The part from though to great seems a bit wordy, I suggest that you change it or shorten it.
    - I actually added in a word which seems to make it flow a bit easier. - Brandon Rhea ^(talk) 05:23, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
      - ~~Omit became too great and it will be perfect.~~-Chosen One^{So the Prophecy says...} 05:27, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
        That changes the meaning of the sentence. For example, right now I'm trying to convince you—thereby putting some pressure on you—to change your mind and strike out your objection. I'm not, though, putting so much pressure on you that you believe you simply have no other choice, other than not doing it and getting into trouble. You're suggesting I write the former, but the source material says the latter. I can't remove that part of the sentence without changing the mean of the sentence and the meaning of the source material. - Brandon Rhea ^(talk) 14:43, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
        Okay, what about this restructuring? though she would only be able to do so until the pressure became too great from her military commanders to launch a counterattack. Flows better to me and it keeps the "became too great" and everything else intact. I think this stays within the source material and keeps the meaning.-Chosen One^{So the Prophecy says...} 22:32, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
        I find that choppy. Honestly, there's really nothing wrong with the sentence. - Brandon Rhea ^(talk) 23:29, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
        
        Alright, if you say so, but I think the last three words don't make sense in their current placement. Personal preference at work though.-Chosen One^{So the Prophecy says...} 23:53, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

The events of this article happen right before Bombing of the Jedi Enclave. If at all possible, I'd like to see this thread featured before the bombing article, just to get them in order. - Brandon Rhea ^(talk) 04:43, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

I'll do my best to not vote for the bombing article. The allure is quite strong.-Chosen One^{So the Prophecy says...} 05:11, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

CS:Meeting on Ord Mirit

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