This is the archived review page for the successful good article nomination of Joe Tylars.
Nomination[]
This section is no longer active. Should you wish to voice your opinion on the article, please do so on its talk page.
Approve (4 Seers/4 users/8 total)
- Has a few problems, but none are too glaring. -- Dark Lord Storm (Holonet) (Korriban Library)
- Irrelevant. When it comes to the GAN and FAN pages, there is no such thing as a problem that's "not too glaring." Problems are problems. If you see any problems then they need to be pointed out. Thanks. =) - Brandon Rhea
(talk) 00:05, January 10, 2010 (UTC)
- Irrelevant. When it comes to the GAN and FAN pages, there is no such thing as a problem that's "not too glaring." Problems are problems. If you see any problems then they need to be pointed out. Thanks. =) - Brandon Rhea
---Ping(JediCommando) 23:01, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
- I'd appreciate it if someone would cross out some of the fixed objections on this page. Ty294{Talk} 21:38, March 18, 2010 (UTC)
- —InfernalWarrior [ talk ]
- My objections were fixed. I'll be going through it again later, though, on the usual typo hunt. Trak Nar Ramble on 03:21, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
- Just pushing it along.--Josh BenderTalk 03:24, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
-BluethunderContact 06:32, April 3, 2010 (UTC)- Ty is certainly my favorite GA/FA writer in Project Cruentus. Another good outing. - Brandon Rhea (talk) 05:16, May 29, 2010 (UTC)
- Goodwood Wit and Weirdo Extraordinaire 05:38, May 29, 2010 (UTC)
Objections
- Brandon Rhea has something to say
- Basics
Intro is short by 73 words. 200 words minimum.No talents and abilities section.BTS is just a bulleted list.- Spelling, grammar, and tense errors throughout, which indicates that this wasn’t proofread or spell checked.
- Needs a lot of work. I’m not even going to bother with a real review unless those are taken care of. If you don’t want to expand the intro or add a talents section, please re-nominate this for good article status instead of featured article status. I'll be happy to review this article and have it become a FA, but it does need to meet the minimum requirements. =) - Brandon Rhea (talk) 19:56, December 3, 2009 (UTC)
- I've crossed out what doesn't apply now that you've changed it to a GA nomination instead of a FA nomination. You still need to work on that BTS and clean up the spelling, grammar, and tense issues. Once you tell me that you've given it a proofread and a spell check, I'll be happy to go more in depth. - Brandon Rhea (talk) 20:17, December 3, 2009 (UTC)
- I've crossed out what doesn't apply now that you've changed it to a GA nomination instead of a FA nomination. You still need to work on that BTS and clean up the spelling, grammar, and tense issues. Once you tell me that you've given it a proofread and a spell check, I'll be happy to go more in depth. - Brandon Rhea
- Basics
- What I could find.
- Introduction
- Made a slight wording adjustment to the second-to-last sentence as it sounded choppy.
- Biography
- Sinyan Civil War
- Tense and minor grammar fixes.
- Srav invasion of Sinya
- Separated a paragraph, minor wording adjustments for better flow.
"He was then able to capture or kill all the Srav commanders" Which was it? Did he capture them? Kill them? Is anyone sure? If he did both, it should be "capture and kill."
- Taung conflict
"When the assault was finally launched, it was very successful. Tylars lead the naval battle from the bridge of his flagship, the new Velum-class battleship the Imperious, while Tray Doich led a land offensive which threw Taung troops into mass chaos." This sounds a bit POV-ish. Perhaps explain a bit how it was successful and what was considered mass chaos.
- Part of the UCW
- Linking and grammar fix.
- Overall
- There were some minor things that I fixed as I saw them. Though, throughout the article, I wondered something. If Tylars was so disobedient, how did he go up through the ranks so easily? Only in Hollywood military would this happen, as if he had that kind of attitude in the real military, he'd be relegated to peeling potatoes. Superior officers wouldn't take that kinda crap from a loose cannon. Trak Nar Ramble on 06:10, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
- Well, the Sinya Defense Force is much more lax then other militaries, particularly during the early part of the Cruentusian War. I changed the text a little to make it sound a little easier to imagine him progressing up the ranks, however. Also, if you read Against All Odds, you'd see Dak Chamblers was ready to fire him but was reluctant to due to Tylars effectiveness. Also, in the Battle of Abonshee II, you'd see Nataska Vergulva was ready to kill him. So it's not like he got through it easily. Ty294{Talk} 15:37, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
- You could also state that in that time of crisis the force needed every capable man it could have. Make sure you make this clear somewhere in the article, tho'. Unit 8311Talk! 16:14, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
- "if you read Against All Odds" - the whole point of an article is, to quote the GA requirements (2.2), to give "all relevant major facts and plot points" so you don't have to read the source material. If it's relevant enough for you to tell us to read the source so we can understand it better, it's relevant enough to be in the article. - Brandon Rhea (talk) 18:13, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
- Hopefully everything is cleared up now. And BTW Trak, U.S. General Douglas MacArthur got away with a ton of stuff before finally being fired by the president during the Korean War. Ty294{Talk} 21:48, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
- "if you read Against All Odds" - the whole point of an article is, to quote the GA requirements (2.2), to give "all relevant major facts and plot points" so you don't have to read the source material. If it's relevant enough for you to tell us to read the source so we can understand it better, it's relevant enough to be in the article. - Brandon Rhea
- There were some minor things that I fixed as I saw them. Though, throughout the article, I wondered something. If Tylars was so disobedient, how did he go up through the ranks so easily? Only in Hollywood military would this happen, as if he had that kind of attitude in the real military, he'd be relegated to peeling potatoes. Superior officers wouldn't take that kinda crap from a loose cannon. Trak Nar Ramble on 06:10, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
- Sinyan Civil War
- Introduction
- Review time.
First off, how the hell was he able to advance quickly through the ranks in the civil war? That's kind of Mary Sue-ish, considering he was promoted past the guys who were older than him. Give an explanation. Was it due to his popularity, connections, etc.Needless to say, the fact that he was seated on the same council as Vergulva led to many heated arguments. Change the "needless to say" part into something more formal.- That's all. ---Ping(JediCommando) 00:42, February 21, 2010 (UTC)
- Well, I tried to fix those, although I don't know if they look any better. Ty294{Talk} 18:01, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
- I'm satisfied. ---Ping(JediCommando) 23:01, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
- Well, I tried to fix those, although I don't know if they look any better. Ty294{Talk} 18:01, February 23, 2010 (UTC)
- Some of the objections need to be crossed out here. Ty294{Talk} 14:30, March 7, 2010 (UTC)
- ??? They all are, at least in my section. ---Ping(JediCommando) 20:00, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
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The way overdue review of Drewton, the Seer of Sporadism- "Joe Tylars was a Human male officer in the Sinyan Nationalist Movement during the Sinyan Civil War. He was later a general in the Sinya Defense Force during the Cruentusian War." Sound choppy. IMO, would sound better as: "Joe Tylars was a Human male officer in the Sinyan Nationalist Movement during the Sinyan Civil War, and later, during the Cruentusian War, a general in the Sinya Defense Force." And this is the first paragraph of the introduction, where you need to include some of the most important details. The second rank stated is not only as important but more important than the first.
- "By the end of the war, he reached the rank of colonel." Grammar issue. Change to "he had reached".
- "He was able to capture it, though he also felt forced" Changed "though" to "although".
- "He personally led the attack" Move "personally" to after "led the attack".
- Link to Emperor Balestone.
- "He was surprised and angered when Balestone decided to put BSI Chief Herich Stimmlur in charge of the battle. He was further angered after the battle when he learned that Stimmlur had left many SDF soldiers and Sinyan Colonists behind when the BSI withdrew from Axra." IMO, just personal preference, the sentences would sound better combined.
- Link to the Battle of Axra Prime.
- "The Taungs invaded Karccev not long after the Battle of Axra Prime and the Sinyans were in no position to oppose them" Add comma before "and".
Possibly more after these are addressed. Drewton (Drewton's Holocron) 22:49, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
- A couple things; first, onless it's grammaticly incorrect, I kinda personally before to have personally placed earlier in sentences. But again, if that is a grammar error, then I'll change it. Also I think combining those two sentences would create a sentence that would be a bit long. Ty294{Talk} 00:44, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
Comments