This is the archived review page for the successful good article nomination and featured article nomination of Adulrac.
Nominations[]
Good article (successful)[]
This section is no longer active. Should you wish to voice your opinion on the article, please do so on its talk page.
Support (5 Seers/2 user/7 total)
Since my objections were met, then it gets my vote. Trak Nar Ramble on 03:44, 30 April 2009 (UTC)- Trak is cleaning house. Approved following Trak's review. –Victor
(talk page) 06:42, 4 May 2009 (UTC) 
- Brandon Rhea (talk) (contribs) 06:46, 4 May 2009 (UTC)- Nacen (Talk) 12:18, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
- --Michaeldsuarez (Talk) (Deeds) 17:55, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
- Unit 8311Talk! 18:02, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
- Drewton (Drewton's Holocron) 18:08, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
- Brent Krajewski (The Forge) (Gateway) 23:19, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
Objections
- Here's what I could find:
- What's a Sithspawn?
- Give context to the Sons of Bogan in the first section. Remember, the main body is to be treated seperate from the intro.
- Context on the Force.
- Context on the New Sith Wars.
- 'he didn't have'...kill that contraction!
- 'Adulrac was still as sadistic as the other Bogan phantom' POVish. Change to be safe.
- 'he found a unique pleasure' Ditto for unique.
- 'and didn't mind' contraction
- 'accomplish his own dirty work' informal
- Who's Dracula?
- All for now. Unit 8311Talk! 18:10, 23 March 2009 (UTC)
- What I could find:
- Fixed a typo in the intro.
- Abyssion V:
- "and eventually succeeded in removing the planet of all life." This part of the sentence is worded a bit funny. Wording it as "removing all life from the planet" would flow a bit better.
- "By the time he had completed his capital, Adulrac's dark side power had spread throughout the world, corrupting it and terraforming it into a wasteland world" Nix the second "world" as it's redundant. "[...]terraforming it into a wasteland." works fine for that.
- Some elaboration on what exactly the Hssiss, Sith undead, and Lesser Bogan phantoms are would be helpful. As I was told, pretend that the reader has no idea what these things are.
- Defeat and withdrawal:
- The first paragraph could use some elaboration, especially pertaining to the battle at the Teyan Praxeum.
- Later life:
- "Adulrac decided that his return to the galaxy shouldn't go unannounced;" Nix the contraction.
- "several dozen Judicial Forces" The usage of "several dozen" is informal. "A large amount of," "numerous," or even "what seemed like a small battalion of" would work better there.
- "now he had the capability to create Bogan phantoms like himself." Now I realize what a Bogan phantom is. The initial wording for what Adulrac was in the beginning of the article was vague and other usages of "Bogan phantom" were describing other creatures, so until that point, I did not know what a Bogan phantom was, nor did I realize that it was related to Adulrac. As I mentioned above, elaboration on Bogan phantom would be helpful. Pretend that your reader will have no clue what you're talking about.
- Who is Te'Nilag?
- Personality and traits:
- "created from the dark side of the Force and wasn't living" Nix the contraction.
- "he allowed the former Jedi to wield his sword, Tartaros; he did not allow his children to wield his sword, so Ebys viewed it as an honor to wield his master's sword." This is very redundant, three instances of "to wield his sword" in a row. I'd suggest dividing it up into two sentences and adjusting the wording so that it's not so repetitive.
- Powers and abilities:
- "Unlike Te'Nilag and Ignis Mortes, Adulrac was eventually able to resist the effects of the light side of the Force; the light side caused significant amounts of damage to the Sons' other phantoms, but Adulrac eventually found himself immune to its effects." How so? Perhaps this could use some elaboration.
- "However, this ability drained Adulrac's strength and it would take several days to recover his strength." Nix the "his strength" as it's redundant.
- Overall:
- Overall, the article was quite interesting. Since I'm still learning to recognize POV, then I may have missed some. Otherwise, that's all I could find tonight. It made for an interesting read, much better than some of the stuff I've stumbled across during my Random Page edit sprees. Trak Nar Ramble on 07:01, 28 April 2009 (UTC)
Comments
Featured article (successful)[]
This section is no longer active. Should you wish to voice your opinion on the article, please do so on its talk page.
Approve (4 Council of Seers/5 users/9 total)
- My one sniggly little thing isn't enough to vote against it for. ;) -Solus (Bird of Prey) 00:48, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
- Nacen (Talk) 00:38, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
- --Darth Wylind (Conference Room) 14:18, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
- Brandon Rhea (talk) 04:21, October 3, 2009 (UTC)
- Brent Krajewski (The Forge) (Gateway) 04:28, October 3, 2009 (UTC)
- I like it.--Josh BenderTalk 23:44, October 3, 2009 (UTC)
- Reviewed objections, seen that they were addressed, no doubt will not find anything new since it's been picked over, so therefore, I'll just vote. Trak Nar Ramble on 03:41, October 4, 2009 (UTC)
- Wild and crazy good stuff.-Chosen OneI will bring balance 04:16, October 4, 2009 (UTC)
- ---Ping(JediCommando) 14:22, October 4, 2009 (UTC)
Objections
- From the Almighty Washcloth of Joseph the Terrific:
- Introduction:
- "The Sons' seventh Prophet of Darkness, Perlic Elpahanes, mingled in the arts of Sith alchemy and his work eventually led to the creation of Adulrac..." Appostive usage; it would make more sense to put the guy's name before the description, i.e. "Perlic Elpahanes, the son's seventh Prophet of Darkness..."
- "...Adulrac defeated Elpahanes and his soldiers..." Using the word 'defeated' makes it sound like Adulrac won a battle against Elpahanes. Try 'killed' or some adjective of that.
- "...and escaped the Sons of Bogan..." You say that he escaped from a group, and fled to a place. It should be mentioned that Adulrac escaped from, for example, the clutches of the Sons of Bogan, or from the headquarters of the Sons of Bogan.
- "Once he had arrived on Abyssion V, Adulrac defeated the the native Abysi in a campaign that lasted three days." Blast one of the 'the's.
- "...the Abysi discovered that they lacked the means to defeat Adulrac..." 'discovered' makes it sounds like they found out they lacked the means. Try 'realized'.
- "During these battles, the Abysi discovered that they lacked the means to defeat Adulrac, and he eventually defeated and killed all sentient life on the planet by utilizing a planetwide version of Force drain." Seems to be a bit of run-on; it seems like after saying that the Abysi lacked the means to defeat Adulrac, you're going to say that they evacuated the planet or something, but Adulrac just kills everything. Therefore, the whole Abysi discovery party is unnecessary. Try "Once he had arrived on Abyssion V, Adulrac defeated the the native Abysi in a campaign that lasted three days, killing all sentient life on the planet by utilizing a planetwide version of Force drain."
- "Over time, Adulrac's abilities and powers seemed to grow..." Replace 'seemed to grow' with 'grew'.
- "Adulrac made his way throughout the galaxy and began defeating strong Force-sensitives..."" IMO, replacing 'made his way' with 'traveled' would make this flow better.
- "His Force-imbued sword, Tartaros, had absorbed so much Force power that it too, increased in strength." Blast the third comma.
- All for now. - Joe (talk) 23:38, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
- Introduction:
- From Nacen
- Introduction
- Remove the link to “Abyssion V” at the beginning of the second paragraph, as you already linked to it at the end of the first one.
- "...and he eventually defeated and killed all sentient life on the planet by utilizing..." - "planet" should be "moon"
- “...attacked by Ignis Mortes' future assistant, Ertimu during his…” – Put a comma after “Ertimu”
- Early life
- “Adulrac was created in 5,020 BBY in the Outer Rim territories…” – “territories” should be capitalized
- “… Adulrac was a formless blob of Force-sensitive energy, and could not manipulate the energies of The Force as…”
- “The” in “The Force” should not be capitalized.
- I think you should put “…power of the Force…” or something else other than “energies” since you already used the word “energy” shortly before.
- Abyssion V
- “Adulrac eventually made his way into the Ssyba system, and arrived…” – Remove the comma after “system”
- "Challenging the Sithspawn at several locations throughout the planet..." - "planet" should be "moon"
- “…their weaponry was considered advanced in comparison to the weapons of the empire of the Sith and the intergalactic Republic…” - I think you should simply put “Sith Empire” rather than “empire of the Sith” and “Galactic Republic” rather than “intergalactic Republic”
- "...subduing the last pocket of rebellion on the planet's surface." - "planet's" should be "moon's"
- "...unleashed a wave of dark side energy upon the planet's surface..." - "planet's" should be "moon's"
- "...eventually succeeded in removing all life from the planet." - "planet" should be "moon
- “Now that there was no one left to oppose him, Adulrac declared ownership of the planet…”
- I think you should change that to “With no one left to oppose him, Adulrac...”
- "planet" should be "moon"
- “Adulrac began to make Sithspawn to serve him, protect him, and look after…” – Remove the comma after “protect him”
- Defeat and withdrawal
- “The Jedi consider his most damaging attack…” – “consider” should be “considered”
- “After he had killed Qual and all the Jedi in the praxeum,” – Unless I’m mistaken, “praxeum” should be capitalized
- “However, a Jedi strike force followed him to his base of operations, and Adulrac temporary abandoned his…” – “temporary” should be “temporarily”
- “…Adulrac encountered the Jedi Knight and former Sith Lord, Revan." - Remove the comma after “Lord”
- “…but Revan proved to resilient than…” – “to” should be “too.” Instead of “too resilient,” however, I think you should put “more resilient”
- “Returning to Abyssion V, Adulrac was pleased to discover that the Jedi had been defeated by the Sith and had abandoned Abyssion V.” – I think you should simply put “…had abandoned the moon…” rather than repeating the word “Abyssion V”
- “After removing any remaining Jedi architecture, Adulrac reestablished his control over the planet.”
- Unless I’m mistaken, “reestablished” should be “re-established”
- "planet" should be "moon"
- “Unwilling to put up a fight against Ertimu, Adulrac fled the planet and…” – "planet" should be "moon"
- Later life
- “…during the New Sith Wars between the Jedi and the Sith, the planet had…” – "planet" should be "moon"
- "...even after Ertimu destroyed it and drove Adulrac from the planet." - "planet" should be "moon"
- “By 40 BBY, Adulrac had reclaimed the planet as his own.” – "planet" should be "moon"
- “His dark side powers had increased since his creation several thousand years before, and now he had the capability to create new sithspawn, including…”
- I think you should reword that slightly so that it says “…several thousand years before, giving him the capability to create new…”
- “sithspawn” should be capitalized.
- “Adulrac confided with the avatar Nergal, a servant of the sithspawn known as…” - “sithspawn” should be capitalized.
- “During this time, Adulrac himself did not meddle in galactic affairs, and his influence weakened significantly as time went by.” - Put “During this period” instead of “During this time” since you use the word “time” shortly afterward in the same sentence
- Personality and traits
- "...Adulrac had no conscience, and had no trouble endangering children, the weak, and the elderly." - Remove the comma after "weak"
- Powers and abilities
- “Adulrac was skilled in several other Force powers, including Force lightning, Telekinesis, and Farsight.”
- “Telekinesis” and “Farsight” should not be capitalized.
- Remove the comma after “Telekinesis”
- “Adulrac was skilled in several other Force powers, including Force lightning, Telekinesis, and Farsight.”
- - Nacen (Talk) 10:08, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
- Fixed all of the above from both Joe and Nacen, except for a few comma discrepancies. — JM76 Droid IRC 02:48, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
- Introduction
-
- Introduction
- Nothing.
- Early life
- Nothing.
- Abysson V
- Nothing.
- Defeat and withdrawal
- Nothing. Man, this thing has already been picked through!
- Later life
- Nothing. -_-;
- Personality and traits
- Nothing. I'm losing my touch. And it is sad. ;-;
- Powers and abilities
- Adulrac could not utilize blaster technology... Logic. Why? There could be an interesting story about this fact.
- Behind the scenes
- Nothing.
- That's it. I found one thing, though!! Kinda... -Solus (Bird of Prey) 19:38, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
- No story. He just can't use blasters. — JM76 Droid IRC 05:19, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
- YYYYYYYYYYYYYY? It can't be just because you said so. Don't you have some excuse...? -Solus (Bird of Prey) 11:29, September 10, 2009 (UTC)
- Nothing.
- Introduction
Just a few flies in the soup- Introduction
- "Jedi Master Banco Psaa" --> "{{SW|Jedi Master}} Banco Psaa"
- Abyssion V
- Combine "These Sithspawn included Hssiss, known as dark side dragons, Sith undead, and Lesser Bogan phantoms, two forms of undead beings empowered by the dark side. They were created by the hundreds."
- Later Life
- "Adulrac decided that his return to the galaxy should not go unannounced" - He had left it? Maybe you mean the known parts or civilized part?
- Personality and Traits
- "Adulrac enjoyed watching others suffer and mourn, and he found a pleasure in killing others, especially large groups of opponents." functions better as "Adulrac enjoyed watching others suffer and mourn and found a pleasure in killing others, especially large groups of opponents."
- "Adulrac received the greatest joy in endangering - and occasionally killing - civilians during combat with his enemies" What you have here is okay, but you do not need the dashes.
- "although he attempted to create a facade of nobility, Adulrac knew he was a coward at heart" I don't think nobility is a great contrast to coward. I can definitely see a noble being a coward. Perhaps you mean gallantry?
- Powers and abilities
- "Adulrac eventually found himself a unique style" unique is POV
That's all I found.Cyril Khan (Talk) 14:18, September 21, 2009 (UTC)- Fixed. — JM76 Droid IRC 17:38, September 21, 2009 (UTC)
- I have one last thing, because I know I didn't make it very clear before. "Adulrac received the greatest joy in endangering - and occasionally killing - civilians during combat with his enemies" --> I meant to suggest that you remove the pausing punctuation completely. The question for you, the author, is: do you want the pause for certain? If you do, I'd actually keep the original dashes. If you aren't sure if there should be a pause for the reader, I'd suggest using no punctuation at all. Cyril Khan (Talk) 19:13, September 21, 2009 (UTC)
- Introduction
-
Brandon Rhea has something to say- Infobox
- Unless he's like the Satan of the GFFA or some sort of Satan-sponsored demon, I don't see how Adulrac could be affiliated with Chaos, which is just the GFFA version of Hell. It's the only time Chaos is mentioned in the article as well.
- Introduction
- The introduction is 1/4 the size of the biography. That's very excessive. Try cutting down on the introduction a bit.
I'm hoping to finish this today so we can have an FA for this coming week. I've been very busy so I haven't been able to look at any nominations lately. :/ - Brandon Rhea (talk) 21:09, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
- Infobox
Comments