User talk:Atarumaster88

Archives

 * Archive 1

To maintain at least some form of order, all posts will be responded to on this page. Do not look for a response on your page.

Poll
What do you think of the Force Exile series? 5 stars! It's pretty good Meh. Mindless drivel. Its teh suckz. I wants to hax it off da interwebz. What are you talking about again?
 * See Force Exile I and Force Exile II for more information.

Re:Infobox
It's not mine, but I've used it enough to where if you give me the link I can take a look at it. - Brandon Rhea 03:59, 20 July 2007 (UTC)
 * That's odd. I don't know what's wrong with it. By the way, do you have IM or MSN? I want your opinion on the first part of the next chapter. - Brandon Rhea 04:16, 20 July 2007 (UTC)

Force Exile II
All right. I'll look for a good sunrise image. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:54, 17 August 2007 (UTC)

Bac Novel
Chapter Eighteen. - Brandon Rhea 02:52, 21 August 2007 (UTC) Thanks for reading. If I may ask, why did you think Ravinos would be defeated? Was it the way I developed things earlier? If so, I'm glad. It gives it an unexpected twist. As for the cold and vibrant, it's supposed to be cold in feel and vibrant in sight. - Brandon Rhea 01:32, 3 September 2007 (UTC)
 * Hey Brandon, didn't want you to think I'd been ignoring you, I've just been a bit busy and haven't been on wikis much. I will certainly take a look at it when I have time. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:39, 28 August 2007 (UTC)
 * Finished reading Eighteen. Interesting developments in the plot, to be sure, with Ussej's fall to the dark side and all. The whole work had been setting up for it so far, so it's about the right period in the novel for him to fall. Him falling after being defeated was unexpected. I thought Ravinos would be defeated, yet convince Ussej anyway. However, there were some contradictions in the descriptive paragraphs, particularly in the beginning part with Ussej's thoughts about the room. How can something be vibrant and cold. They don't add up. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:30, 28 August 2007 (UTC)
 * The Legend of Ussej Padric Bac: Prologue - Pho Ph'eah has been rewritten. I think you'll enjoy the added detail and the fact that I used an idea from Solus about making it a flashback. - Brandon Rhea 05:32, 8 September 2007 (UTC)

Perfectly understandable. Take your time. - Brandon Rhea 16:05, 10 September 2007 (UTC)
 * I apologize for not looking at the new revisions, as I have had an extremely busy RL that has prevented from contributing heavily to Wookieepedia, much less SWFanon. However, I will definitely have a look at it (as I also try and finish Force Exile II) Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 14:35, 10 September 2007 (UTC)

Picture Work
I am definately interested in seeing what your looking for and hope that I can give you something that fits your vision, just let me know what it is that you're looking for  N.Y.N.E. Comlink 17:08, 5 September 2007 (UTC)

Bac
Hey, have you been able to read the new prologue and the new chapters 1-3 yet? - Brandon Rhea 14:16, 20 September 2007 (UTC)
 * Just finished reading the new prologue. On the whole, much better and a much better lead-in for the series than it originally was. There is definitely an improved sense of flow and the flashback lends itself better to the overall timeline of the novel.

A few things:
 * "Causing a plethora of damage" reads a bit funny.
 * The word atmosphere is missing "The ship entered the Pho Phe'ahian and flew"
 * Check your italics, because my word processor does the same thing to me- I have to recode all those italics marks
 * "Torpedo launchers and blaster cannons decorated the side of the ship, methinks
 * If the Pho Phe'ahians have nuclear reactors, why do they live in small villages? This is kind of a major sore point for me, as most agrarian communities don't use that type of large-scale power- if "nuclear" refers to fission, then we're talking large scale plants. Fusion, of course, would be a different story, but I haven't seen any indication that it is being referred to.
 * Montrose's next to last words have a misplaced quotation mark at the end of them.
 * Codes in their hands and the Supreme Commander dead.

Anyway, those are pretty much all small things and it reads much better. I'm sorry to say that I won't be able to give Ch. 1-3 the time they deserve until I release the next segment of Force Exile II, which is quite honestly giving me fits, even though it's finally nearing completion. But, rest assured, I will read them eventually. Atarumaster88  ( Talk page ) 15:28, 20 September 2007 (UTC)

New Chapter
The Legend of Ussej Padric Bac: Chapter Four - Downfall is up. Also, thanks for the feedback above. - Brandon Rhea 19:25, 25 September 2007 (UTC)

Force Exile
I've heard you mention it, but I didn't realize it was here (I assume you're implying that it's here). I'll keep an eye out for it. - Brandon Rhea 19:42, 28 September 2007 (UTC)
 * I'm reading the first part of Fugitive right now. They're pretty long, so I'll read them as quickly as possible. - Brandon Rhea 19:50, 28 September 2007 (UTC)

One thing I immediately noticed is that there's a present tense goof in I believe the second paragraph. It says something like "It is the third year of the Clone War" rather than "It was...". - Brandon Rhea 19:58, 28 September 2007 (UTC)
 * If it's a different style you are aiming for, then far be it for me to say change it. I just figured it was a typo. Also, thanks for the review on the Chapter 1 talk page. - Brandon Rhea 00:23, 29 September 2007 (UTC)

Re:Reviews
I've had a few Fan Fic writers over on TF.N read and comment, but it's usually along the lines of "awesome" and I'm left think "well....?", so that's a little annoying sometimes. Since you're really the only Fan Fic writer that's taken the time to do reviews like this for me, it'd be rude for me not to respect your opinions and take that time and consideration. At first, since I wasn't used to getting reviews like this from Fan Fic writers, I was a little turned away by the fact that you went in and got every little detail you could find, and this was despite me knowing that it's purely optional and subjective as any review really is. Then I realized that no one would take the time and effort to try to improve a story if they didn't think it was really good and didn't think it had an amazing amount of potential. That's why I ultimately went back and started this third draft. As for my vision of the tale, that was the one thing that I immediately thought of when I read the review for Downfall and you mentioned how not much of the battle was actually shown. That's because more of the battle will actually be shown later through the means of the main characters thinking about what happened. Damien will be showing thinking about things from his end and Remer will be thinking of things from his end, etc., and you'll learn a lot more about what actually happened. Also, I'm still reading away at Force Exile. Once I'm done, I'll do sort of a massive review of it. - Brandon Rhea 05:09, 7 October 2007 (UTC)
 * I understand where you are coming from on that- while SWFanon is the first place that I've posted Force Exile, the number of people who are willing to sit down and read the work both critically and for enjoyment is quite small. As for the review, I suppose years of writing in school and as well as being an Inquisitor on Wookieepedia have only honed my critical eye, and as the novel seemed to be the most prominent fan-fiction work on the site, my curiosity was piqued, especially since you said you were looking for feedback. If you had said, "don't tell me if it's bad," I would have understood, but probably not have read it. ;-) I'm impressed and looking forward to the third draft of the novel (Which really needs a catchy acronym to redirect to, because that's a pain to search for! :-P). Once again, I appreciate your open-mindedness when it comes to taking criticism, and keep up the good work.

With that perspective, the battle's coverage makes more sense, but the big thing that was galling me was the Sith went from being in space to a couple blocks from the Senate with barely any exposition and then Damien is taunting Ravinos and stuff happens and then the Republic gets whipped. I dunno- I was lost on how they got to the surface in the first place. But yes, the idea of using flashback on parts of it makes more sense, so you might not need as much. And I look forward to your review of Force Exile. Atarumaster88   ( Talk page ) 20:46, 7 October 2007 (UTC)
 * The Sith were already on the surface. That was implied when the dead Supreme Commander was mentioned. If you remember back to the revised Prologue, the Pho Ph'eah stuff was "one year ago" in a flashback, but the "present day" segment of it was Ravinos getting the codes to the Coruscant defense grid and killing the Supreme Commander of the military. Also keep in mind that Ussej and Estamme got to the battle late, so the Sith had already gotten to the surface. - Brandon Rhea 20:59, 7 October 2007 (UTC)
 * Ah, that clears up a lot. That's what I get for reading the prologue a couple weeks before I read part 3. Never mind then. ;-) Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:03, 7 October 2007 (UTC)
 * Indeed. - Brandon Rhea 21:37, 7 October 2007 (UTC)

Downfall
I saw it when you first posted it. I haven't been able to go in and make the corrections yet. Thanks for the reminder, though. - Brandon Rhea 03:53, 12 October 2007 (UTC)

Chapter Five
Here. - President Brandon Rhea  (Pressroom)   (Accomplishments)  16:21, 19 October 2007 (UTC)

Judgment Call
Sorry I wasn't online. Was it anything I can still help with? - President Brandon Rhea  (Pressroom)   (Accomplishments)  02:22, 31 October 2007 (UTC)
 * Well, basically, I am at a point of decision in writing the final bits of Force Exile II. With each part that I release, I try to keep it around 20-30 pages for the sake of the reader, but the last part of Force Exile II that was released was 35 pages- a bit long for an FE segment. Anyway, I have about 23 pages of content in 2 chapters right now and the story has plenty of steam left- the final climax is still coming. So, I could keep going and safely release around a 40 page part of the story, or I could count on the climax being nice and long and release two 20-ish page parts of the story separately, leading to a seventh part of the story. I'm not sure what to do- I was good about the 20-30 page thing in Force Exile I, but Force Exile II is a lot more complex in a variety of ways. That's all. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 03:05, 31 October 2007 (UTC)

Chapter Six
The Legend of Ussej Padric Bac: Chapter Six - Saarai-kaar. It's a bit short, but I think you'll like it. - President Brandon Rhea  (Pressroom)   (Accomplishments)  13:37, 2 November 2007 (UTC)
 * Chapter Seven - The Jedi Way has also been posted. - President Brandon Rhea [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom)   (Accomplishments)  17:29, 2 November 2007 (UTC)

Responded. - President Brandon Rhea  (Pressroom)   (Accomplishments)  18:37, 5 November 2007 (UTC)
 * Rest assured, I will get to them, but I need to finish the next segment(s) of Force Exile II first. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 22:26, 2 November 2007 (UTC)
 * Read and reviewed. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:00, 5 November 2007 (UTC)

Quote
Oh, thought that it sounded familiar. Should've figured it had something to do with Janson. Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles 01:03, 5 November 2007 (UTC)

IRC

 * Can you un ban me from wookieepedia IRC?TroybAllSpark Quest contribs[[Image:MovieBlack.JPG|10px]] 18:46, 5 November 2007 (UTC)
 * That would depend on why you were banned, who banned you, and how long ago it was. I'll need a bit more detail before I can act on that. If you would prefer to communicate confidentially, e-mail me at Atarumaster88 (at) wookieepedia.com. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:11, 5 November 2007 (UTC)


 * Well, I think it was havac, happend last night. Becuase..I cant remember.TroybAllSpark Quest contribs[[Image:MovieBlack.JPG|10px]] 22:58, 5 November 2007 (UTC)
 * That's so not good enough. We have very specific IRC rules, and I'm not going to un-ban you for no reason for breaking them. Moreover, it will likely have to be the banning admin who un-bans you due to some new administrative policies on Wookieepedia. I will look into it on IRC and try to get the admin's side of the story. Continued questioning of me on this matter can and may be interpreted as harassment on your part. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:03, 6 November 2007 (UTC)
 * Discussion with Darth Culator in IRC reveals that you were spamming and were warned about it repeatedly. As such, I'm not unbanning you from IRC, nor will I tolerate any further comments on the matter. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.jpg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:14, 6 November 2007 (UTC)

Cover
Eep. I forgot. I'll be busy today, but I'll start work on it immediately. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:49, 6 November 2007 (UTC)

Chapter Eight
Chapter Eight - A Night to Remember - President Brandon Rhea  (Pressroom)   (Accomplishments)  02:24, 7 November 2007 (UTC)