HP:Rhadé Sarasvati Nalanda

This is the review page for Rhadé Sarasvati Nalanda.

Objections

 * 1) The only way I will support an article with such a lack of detail in certain areas is if it is totally, 100% sourced from in-Wiki fan fiction narratives. As of the moment, it's not, so I won't support it until it is. My reasoning is that if this isn't information from only fan fiction, then authors need to take the time to come up with more information. If it does come entirely from fan fiction, it needs to be sourced. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom) (Record) 21:48, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Here are my quibbles:
 * 3) *Appearance:
 * 4) *Infobox image is too small.
 * 5) *The images are horrible, self drawn or not. I’d like to see at least the infobox image changed to get it to featured article status.
 * 6) *Most of the sections are far too short individually.
 * 7) *Spelling and grammar:
 * 8) *In the infobox: ‘height=1.72 metres’ should be ‘height=1.72 meters’
 * 9) *In the section entitled: ‘Battle of Naboo’, ‘assited’ should be ‘assisted’.
 * 10) *In the section ‘Imbroglio Summit’, ‘accompaied’ should be ‘accompanied’.
 * 11) *Same section: ‘realised’ should be ‘realized’.
 * 12) *In the section: ‘Battle of Imbroglio and Death’, ‘temporarilty’ should be ‘temporarily’.
 * 13) *Same section: ‘When the fighting ceased temporarilty, Jango Fett arrived with an offer of mercy if they surrendered,’ should be ‘When the fighting ceased temporarilty, Jango Fett arrived with an offer of mercy if they surrendered;’ Semi colon at the end or full stop.
 * 14) *In the section ‘Naboo Crisis’, ‘disgusing’ should be ‘disguising’.
 * 15) *In the section entitled: ‘Assassination Attempt’, ‘occuring’ should be ‘occurring’.
 * 16) *POV, Mary Sue etc.:
 * 17) *In ‘Personality and Traits’: ‘Despite being born in one of the more prominent Naboo families, Nalanda always did what was best for her people and the Republic she believed in’ Point of View and Mary Sue.
 * 18) *Miscellaneous:
 * 19) *What Brandon said.
 * 20) *Comments that aren’t an oppose:
 * 21) *It’s not badly written, just a few problems. --[[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 07:14, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * About the images, I did them when I was writing the story so I had a clear image in my mind of what Nalanda looked like and what she was wearing. The reason why the infobox image is small is that it has a low DPI and if it were bigger it would look pixelated. I have the original (it's a vector graphic) on my broken old computer but need a floppy disk to get it off there. Aside from the other edits, there's two I actually object to doing "metres" to "meters" and "realsing" to "realizing" for the simple reason that I am Australian, however there is the MOS and I have no choice I guess. I'll get to the editing.Katana Geldar  09:48, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Calling self-drawn images horrible is rather harsh, Tom. Not only will I say that I'd like to see you do better, but I'll also say that you shouldn't be concerning yourself with getting a better image for this to be a Featured article. You're here to judge articles and vote on articles for Good Article quality, and that means whether or not an image will look good on the main page is of no concern to you as a High Priest. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom) (Record) 13:43, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * As a High Priest it doesn't concern me, but as a normal user it very much does. --[[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 07:02, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Darth Tom, I can do something about the image quality of the pictures (give them higher res etc) but is there any reaosn to get them off there just because they look dumb? If you want bad-looking images, look at the gallery wardrobe page and see the ones I chose not to add (particularly the red one as it's a favourite of mine) Katana Geldar  11:43, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I see what you're saying, however liking the images is personal opinion. However, I've said that not liking the images isn't a point to oppose on, so that specific point isn't an oposition. [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 12:01, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) My fellow HPs have made many sitings. I'll simply  add a few more points.
 * 2) *The misuse of commas. While I have a great deal of sympathy in this matter, all grammar errors must be corrected.
 * 3) *”fought valiantly against the Military Creation Act.” Valiantly seems a tad bit POV to me.
 * 4) *Sections are way too short. There is a lot of room to expand this article. For example, in the Plea to the Senate section, perhaps you could explain how Rhade’s ship was damaged. I’m not trying to tell you how to write your article. I’m just trying to give you an example of how you might expound on elements of the work.
 * 5) *The quote in Early Life needs a period.
 * I'll right, it's updated, what's the verdict now? Katana Geldar  11:20, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Some of the sections are too short (one paragraph?), there could be more detail, and section titles should not be capitilized. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 12:47, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Untill those matters are fixed, this vote will be an oppose.--Arav the Undersith (Contact Me ) (<font color=#C3B091>My contributions ) 22:43, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Fixed and made longer, what's the verdict now? <font color="#008080">Katana <font color="#008080">Geldar  11:14, 4 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Why is this at such a standstill? If it's STILL not long enough, tell me. <font color="#008080">Katana <font color="#008080">Geldar  11:54, 15 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

 * I'll give this a look later as it seems all the High Priests are busy.  Wing   msg 15:13, 23 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I'll take a look tomorrow. --[[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 21:15, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I'll take a look at this later tonight or tomorrow night.--[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 19:35, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I'll have to look at this again. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 03:05, 18 August 2008 (UTC)