CS:Project Jedimca0

This is the review page for Project Jedimca0.

Objections

 * Here's what I could find:
 * 1) *First of all, slice the intro into 2 paragraphs to make it easier to read. It's a big block of text right now.
 * 2) *Also, while this is more a case of preference, you might want to add an infobox. template:event might do.
 * 3) *'He planned to, when the Army was created, offer it to the New Republic, so that they had little chance of turning him down on his offer.'...turn to 'he planned the army to the new republic once it was created'. Less awkward.
 * 4) *Also, decapitalize all the 'Clone' in the intro. The word 'clone' isn't capitalized later, so it's also consistent.
 * 5) *In beginnings, give a brief bit of context to the Thrawn Crisis.
 * 6) *'for fear that, if they did, it would turn against them'...get rid of the comma after 'fear that'
 * 7) *'By offering scientists in a Corellian Health Institution the chance'...if it's just a normal health instituion, decapitalize 'health' and 'institution'. If it's an official one, make it 'the corellian etc'
 * 8) *'considered too primitive, by Caloi', get rid of comma after primitive
 * 9) *'Caloi's vanity led to'...POV. Make it 'percieved vanity'
 * 10) *'When Jedimca5 died within the month, struck down by illness, his immune system having not developed properly in the process of growth acceleration, the scientists feared it would be, as it was with the firs three clones, another disaster, and that it would be the same for the other two'...bit of a run on. Break it down.
 * 11) *'Although Janna0 proved proficient in weapons skillfully,'...POV, and doesn't make sense gramatically
 * That's it so far. I might present more. Unit 8311 [[Image:1110 Big small.jpg|20px]] Talk!  15:51, 6 January 2009 (UTC)
 * Done. --[[Image:Darth tom sig.png|100px]] (talk) (contributions) 16:49, 6 January 2009 (UTC)

Comments

 * Yes, this is a serious article. Also, there's not really another article like this, so the qualifications here aren't all that extensive; nevertheless, I attempted to put in quite a bit. --[[Image:Darth tom sig.png|100px]] (talk) (contributions) 13:36, 6 January 2009 (UTC)