The Story of Palpatine

Saga One.

How Palpatine Came to Earth

Long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away an empire ruled over the vastness of the stars…

But you know all this, don't you? You know that once upon a time there was an body of a select few that kept the justice of the people, known for light years around as the jedi order. You know of their overthrow, the rise of the sith, the creation of the empire. You know how luke became the last jedi and with the help of his friends crushed the dark side once and for all.

And you know darth sidious. A vile, wretched man corrupt with power and greed who ruled this republic under his evil dominion. You know how he died, falling miles down that shaft into the emptiness of space.

   But, what if I was to tell you he never really died? What if I was to say that right now he was down at the salon, getting his hair curled and nails painted. Hair!--you might think--Nails!--you might wonder. To imagine such things is absurd! Besides, didn’t we all see him die those many years ago in the 6th episode of Star Wars?

The truth of the matter is, no body was ever found. No camera ever ventured down the shaft. And no one ever gave old Palpatine a second thought. But what if we did?

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">One day, in the fruitfulness of my youth, I came across an old woman in a black cloak. She looked oddly familiar…

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">Let’s venture for one moment that I took the time to make this woman’s acquaintance. She told me her story and it was at that time that so many things began to fall into place. And it all began long, long ago when one man was falling through the air.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Aaaahhhhhh!” Palpatine cried as he fell and the lightning around him shot this way and that like a bouncy ball on crack. He fell for a long time. He cried for a long time. And for a long time things looked pretty bleak for him. All the same he was begging to get sick of the fall. Don’t most people die after this long, he wondered in frustration? But it was to no avail he just kept falling. Despite his apathy he really was not in the mood to perish just then. Not that life was easy for the old boy in all his needy, grouchiness that really everyone hated and loathed. But he still felt, as all humans do, a wish that things would turn out “ok” in the end. Such a wish, came for him just in time.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">You see out in the gloominess of space, and especially upon the death star simple, old fashioned things like taking a walk in the woods or even just catching a bit of sunlight came only sparingly. So the clones made up a game to pass their time by. It was called space fishing. What they would do is from the balcony of their apartments they would dangle a long cord with a bit of a claw hand on the end. As the death star floated on through the void occasionally some space debris would collect upon the claw. So, it became the unspoken tradition and regularly enjoyed habit of the clones to every day or so pull up their cords to see what they had collected. Things were vast in space so you could get anything from a bit of used garbage like old toothbrushes or tin cans to nicer, more enticing things like hastily discarded space boy magazines which husbands would throw out of the craft before the wives saw back home on Endor.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">Either way, good or bad, the clones liked a bit of fun. So it was in this instance when one man was throwing down his cord, a little unhappily I might add, because all he had gotten from his last claw was a disgusting conglomerate of hard candies that had banned together after lightyears of floating space, and Palpatine chanced to see it flying down at him. A good thing too, for if he wasn’t dead yet the heavy hand of the claw would have done him in for sure. With a shriek and a dodge Palpatine got out of the way and then seeing as the bottom was now very near, and a battle below nonetheless, he hastily grabbed hold the cord. With a screech and a rattle he came to smoking stop at the expense of his hands. And it was not a moment too late for already he was dangling down out of the shaft and holding on for dear life.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">The traffic was terrible! Starships zoomed this way and that, beeping their horns at him amidst firing their lasers. And never before in old Palpatine’s life did he feel more like a j walker. All the same, he couldn’t help it and only swung his hips this way and that to evade the whistling velocity of the space crafts as they whizzed past him. He was bound to get hit sooner than later so for the sake of time let’s just say he got him sooner. It was all the more to the shock of one his soldiers, who was flying a destroyer at the time when suddenly, like a bug on the windshield, the ceo of his company, so to say, made himself apparent.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">They both gazed at each other for a moment, wide eyed and not really knowing what to do. Palpatine himself was unhurt, save for only in his pride, but he had a remedy for that, too. To relieve his embarrassment of the situation, for it was all rather odd--wasn’t it?--he merely shocked the man to his demise and then crawled in the destroyer from the space roof, chuckling all the while. What a diabolical man!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Kill me? Senator, Palpatine! Darth Sidious! Hahaha!” He cackled. And his cackle was rather dry. “I won’t be killed by some sky walker! Or that fucking robot Vader. I am the sith. I’ll show him!” The old bumpkin roared, just getting ready to turn the destroyer around when…

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">BOOOM!!!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">His entire life’s work blew up right before his eyes. Now this is the moment we all take off our hats for old Palpatine, for unlike him we all still have hearts inside us. Let us now shed a tear for the wrinkly old bastard, for to see his distress, etched upon his face like the perfect depiction of David in marble, not a soul in the universe could help but feel some pity. All his trials, all his defeats, all his victories and toils and stresses had gone into creating that single operation: the death star. Where would he go? What did this mean for the galaxy? He would be ruined.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">There was only one thing the old bugger wanted right then and their. A little hokey pokey reefer to take him away from the situation. As this was many years in the past, such strict regulation was not to be heard of and everyone from the ewoks to yoda was more skunked than chipmunks in an acid factory. And Palpatine was no different of course. The truth of the matter was that our lovely emperor was a bit of a tea head. And while that had been swept under the carpet for many years, he no longer cared, not on that day anyway.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">So, with droopy, hapless features our old, miserable Palpatine went to one of the local hotspots, a space station cafe called the “Rocket House” where he could kick back with a couple beers, buy a little pot, and enjoy some entertainment.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">Anon, Palpatine arrived at the space station and parked, as best he could, the destroyer. He did hit a few other spacecraft although, for he had not driven a space cruiser in decades, but all in all he did a fair job making the landing. Although he did have one problem. He didn’t know where the damn lock button was, and the key did not have a clicker. This was a problem! But disheartened Palpatine didn’t care much. He simply left the destroyer to its own and trusted heartily that no one would steal it. You’d think after so many years out in the universe he would have realized the vastness of it and the amount of filth that can pile up in open spaces. But, alas, he did not. All he could smell was the weed.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">Ah, and how it brought him back to happier times, like when he used to trick Vader and fill his oxygen tank with drugs. Terrible for his already collapsing lungs, he knew, but all in good fun. And it was booming inside! The woman on the stage, a rather odd looking alien with a dog face and a strippers body, was singing while her fellow dog people played flutes and harps. Palpatine took his seat in the darker, seedier part of the little inn and began clapping along. However, when the waitress, a gruff, toady looking old hag strode up he promptly threw up his hood. No good revealing who he was now that he had lost the war! But how could you recognize him as anyone else.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Emperor?” the woman inquired with a croak.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“No, you have the wrong person. Shut the hell up.” He snarled.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Whatever, sugar cakes. Now, what do you want to drink?”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“I’ll take a vodka on the rocks, and the most powerful joint you can get me.” Palpatine whispered.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Coming right up, and anything to eat with that? I can grab a menu.”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">Palpatine shuddered recalling the terrible shits he had gotten the last time he had eaten in such an establishment. “No.” He replied bluntly.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Alrighty.” She gasped taking a long pull from her cigarette.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">What an unsightly creature, Palpatine thought, noting her name as Siggy and making sure he did not run into her like again. But a few songs later and the waitress returned with a small martini glass harboring his voka with an olive and by god the biggest joint Palpatine had ever seen. His eyes grew wide.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Wow.” He exclaimed picking it up, “This thing is pretty meaty.”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“You wanted the strongest one, Sugar bear, and this is it.”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Well, do you have a light?” He inquired trying to figure out how to put the massive stogie at the right angle to be smoked.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Right here.” She puffed.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“I can’t even get my lips around it.” He said.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Most people can’t hon. You’re going to have to work at it a while.”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“I guess.” He said, knowing that such a potent drug would have put even gandalf’s fireworks to shame. “How much?” He inquired.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“That’s going to be-”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Oh, fuck it.” He said throwing out his fingers and tasering her harshly in the side. She fell limply to the floor and he chuckled to himself trying to figure out how he was going to smoke the blasted thing when all of the sudden he heard the revving of an engine.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">He turned to look out the window when suddenly he saw his destroyer being hijacked and zooming lightyears away. He nearly tripped over her body trying to get out to catch them, but all in vain, it was too late. So with a sad frown he sulked back in to retrieve his joint only to find that it to had been taken, and vodka spilled in his rash attempt.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">A very sad Palpatine now sulked over to the bar to get a beer and to hope fortune smiled on him. Just then, however fortune did lend a hand. For you remember those dog people? Well, just in the nick of time one of them was sitting at the bar, looking an awful lot like john candy, and another man who strangely resembled han solo. They were just getting ready to leave, when the candy fellow who was in dog costume noted Palpatine.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Hey old boy, you’re looking kinda glum.”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“And why shouldn’t I be? Today is terrible.” Palpatine snapped back.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Well no need to get all angry, I’ll leave you alone.” He said turning back to his fellow.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“No, no, wait,” Palpatine said, for he awfully needed a friend, and more importantly a ride.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">The dog man turned back to him.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“You gentlemen wouldn’t happen to be traveling far would you?” He asked.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Well as a matter of fact wrinkles we are going to this new planet that’s just been discovered called earth.” The solo man said, “And it’s said all the hot babes are over there just soaking up the son.”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">He and the dog man smiled at each other and hi fived.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Well, well,” Palpatine said patting down his robes to try to find his coins, but alas they had all fallen out during his own fall, “What if I came along?” He finally proposed. “I could help you.” He said.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“What can you do, oldy?” The solo man chuckled.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">Now Palpatine was desperate and he was running out of ideas, so just as the bartender came back with his beer he held up his fingers and shocked him so ferociously it lighted up the whole area. After a moment the solo man spoke.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Well damn.” Then he turned to Palpatine. “Alright we’ll give you a ride, if you can use some of that lightning shit to turbo my van.”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Whatever I have to do.” Palpatine begged. So with a chuckle of solo the three of them were off, out in the vastness of space to the providence of earth.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">They traveled for many miles and cracked a good many jokes, and, as they got to know him, the two realized that the emperor was more fun and games than all bad. They even grew to like the old bastard. But finally the time came to inject the engine with the turbo to get their last push to earth. The planet was at last in sight and how beautiful it appeared from such a distance.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Now, you’re sure you know what your doing?” The solo man asked Palpatine.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Yes, yes.” Was his gruff answer.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Oh, boy.” The dog man said, “This is exciting!”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Just one more little thing…” Palpatine said. And then boom the lightning shot from his fingers. When it hit the transmitter on the engine the whole van gave a shutter.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“What was that?” The dog man asked.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Well, I don’t know.” Palpatine said.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“I swear if you have ruined my van-” The solo man said, but he was cut short. The van gave a tilt and then began losing altitude.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Ahhh!” The three of them cried as their vessel began to head on a crash course down to the planet below.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“I’m gonna kill you, Palpatine!” The solo man hollered.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“You might not have to!” the emperor cried as they began picking up more and more speed. They all began saying their prayers now as they saw their doom below, a giant lake, with hideous looking fish swimming all about. Solo scanned the beach.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Where are the babes?” He cried, and then suddenly they hit.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">Such a force threw them all, but Palpatine in his age the most. Like a skipping stone his rear flopped about the sheen of the lake until bump after bump he landed ass over tea kettle, mouth full of sand, on the bank.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">His fellows were not so lucky. Remember those fish? An ancient form of freshwater piranha. Their screams were the last thing Palpatine wanted to hear, for as he looked up the jungle loomed eerily. He didn’t know where he was, and he was all alone.