Revenge of the Jedi/Part 14

Inimă Eserzennae's library wasn't anything like how Renata had heard the Jedi Archives described—towering stacks taller than a Herglic, filled with every piece of information the galaxy over, amassed throughout the Republic's twenty-four-millennium history. The manor had only a fraction of a fraction of that data, but Renata loved it still—the dark wood paneling that butted up against stone accent walls, the soft jade glow of the few data stacks, the recessed lights above the paneling, the comfortable chairs she could curl up in and read the day away if Raina let her. She even loved that the library was near the heart of the manor, and thus had no windows—small enough to be snug but large enough to avoid claustrophobia, with the door closed and no view to the outside, she could lose herself in the quiet tranquility of study or just reading for pleasure.

So she intended that afternoon, having completed her daily schoolwork. She knew her master was distracted by the presence of Tirien and his party, and realized with a twist in her gut that she had let herself become part of the problem. She had wanted to apologize, but she knew a sincere effort to do better would mean more to Raina than any words, and she got the feeling Raina needed some alone time. From what she had observed at dinner, it wasn't hard to understand why; Raina was the odd woman out. Whether intentionally or not, Tirien had found ways to get even Raven and Baron Kaivalt against her.

Renata wasn't sure what she thought of Tirien Kal-Di. She had heard a lot about him—much from General Darakhan and Aldayr Nikodon, but even Raven and See Klees had spoken highly of him. Renata had certainly been able to sense his power, but he had struck her like many of the non-Jedi nobles she had met—not cruel or condescending, but cold in a way Raina and Baron Kaivalt never were. Although Yan had all but shouted at the dinner table—Renata was still struggling with that faux pas—she had a hunch Tirien would be far more terrible in anger—not because he would yell and pound the table, like Yan, but because that cold would deepen until it froze the marrow in her bones. How Tirien and General Darakhan could be best friends escaped her.

Narasi seemed nicer; the destruction of the Crescentia had obviously set her on edge, but Renata didn't begrudge her that. She had cried the day Raven and Raina had gotten the news, imagining all the Jedi lost, especially the younglings; she couldn't imagine what it must be like for Narasi, who had known some of them. Yan Razam had lost the same friends, but she was much angrier than Narasi; being around her gave Renata the jitters.

Resolved not to give her master any more headaches, Renata tried not to think about Zaella Sabir.

Only when she had stepped into her sanctuary and closed the door behind her did Renata remember she had forgotten someone in her catalogue.

"Oh, it's you," Jirdo Yushari said; he lay on one cushioned sofa, a databook in his hand, though he had started to sit when she entered. "I thought…well, never mind."

"Oh…" Renata shifted her weight, off-balanced; she had really been looking forward to some reading time…  "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were here.  I can come back…"

"No, I can…" Jirdo stopped himself; he rubbed his wispy little beard with one hand. "That is…the library's big enough for two beings, don't you think?"

"Uh…" Renata knew it was, but she didn't know how peaceful she'd find it with Jirdo sharing the space. But he had stumbled his way around a courteous offer, and while Renata hadn't yet gotten the hang of all the correct, courteous ways to decline such an offer, she did remember that flatly refusing one was an open insult. Granted, neither she nor Jirdo were nobles, and he wasn't a Tapani, but it would be just her luck that he'd take offense and challenge her to a duel anyway, and if she'd given Raina a headache by sparring with Zaella… "Um…yeah.  Yeah, you're right.  Okay."

She walked over to a shelf, feeling his eyes on her back. He was quite a few years older than her, she thought—part of Raven and Raina's generation, though he did not seem at ease with them, or even with Tirien and Yan. Where Baron Kaivalt's full beard added to his imposing demeanor and Raven's goatee gave him an air of style, Jirdo's wispy beard and mustache somehow made him look younger. Of course, it didn't help that he barely looked heavier than Renata despite being a head taller.

Like everybody else, she grumped inside, but blew out a breath and tried to expel her negative emotions with it. Raina had told her size was no obstacle to the Force; she just had to practice.

As she selected a databook, Jirdo said, "You're a native Tapani?"

"Huh?" Renata turned to find Jirdo still sitting up. Surprised, she said, "I mean, yes. I'm from Pavia."

"Where's that?"

"It's just—" Renata raised a hand, then stopped, realizing she had been about to point. Mortified, she said, "It's west of here. Galactic west, I mean.  It's another planet, in the Cadriaan Province."

Jirdo brushed his scraggly beard. "But you're not a noble, are you?"

Renata blinked. "No. How'd you know?"

"The way you carry yourself; it's different from the Kaivalts." Jirdo swung his legs off the couch and set his book down. "I'm pretty good at reading people."

"How come?" Renata asked, then made a face and said, "I mean, why?"

"Well, once I got put in the Service Corps, I got sent places with Jedi Knights, but they were always the ones in charge—I was just there to do a job. They did most of the talking, and I did most of the listening." His eyes tightened. "I got to watch a lot of interactions, and not all of them were pleasant. And then on Guudria, I wasn't…"

He trailed off. Renata had no idea how the sentence would've ended, but he had come so close to the topic that interested her that she laid her databook on the arm of a chair, plopped down, and asked, "Why'd you desert?"

Jirdo swallowed. "That's a long story."

Renata kicked off her boots and tucked her feet up under her, waiting, and after a moment Jirdo sighed, reclining as he slid a hand back through his hair. "Were you always with the Tapani? You were never at the Temple, or on a praxeum ship, or anything?"

Renata shook her head.

"Then you don't know what it's like. Every little Jedi wants to be a Padawan, because they all want to be Knights someday.  I guess it's probably always been that way, but especially now—we're at war, the Republic needs every Knight it can get.  So you know the Initiates who get put in the Service Corps instead must really suck."

"Um…" Renata had no idea how to respond to that. "The Tapani don't have a Service Corps. We just…I guess we all become Knights eventually."

"Lucky you." Jirdo made a face. "Not me. I got put in the Medical Corps."

"Well, that's important, right? Isn't that healing people who get hurt?"

"Oh yeah—when all the real Jedi who were trusted to be part of the battle came back, I could patch up the survivors with the best of 'em."

"So? You were good at your job—you probably saved a bunch of people."

Jirdo shook his head. "You wanted to know why I deserted, remember? I was on a mission in the Outer Rim, and everybody else got killed.  I could've gone back to the Republic—gone back to being second best, to being the cleanup crew for better Jedi—but I was sick of it.  All I wanted to be was a Jedi Knight, from the time I was old enough to understand what one was, but I was never going to be that.  So when a different path showed up, I…I took it."

Renata wanted to judge him, and part of her managed it, but he wasn't making it as easy for her as she'd thought—not because his actions didn't sound selfish, but because his voice alternated between bitterness so caustic she thought she'd get a mental contact burn and deeper shame than she could produce no matter what she said to him. "And after that?"

"Raina didn't tell you?" When Renata shook her head, Jirdo laughed—a sad, frayed sound. "I hooked up with a couple other…what would you call us, 'fallen Jedi'? Well, Bras said he was a Jedi, but who knows…?  Anyway, we went off to Guudria, way out in Wild Space.  It was supposed to be protecting them while finding something important we could do…"

"But…?"

"I guess we all focused more on being important than on protecting them. Honestly, we made things a lot worse; there probably would've been a massacre if it weren't for Tirien and Narasi.  And Zaella, I guess."

The way he said her name…Renata tried a smile. "You don't like her either?"

"Aside from Narasi, does anybody?"

Renata laughed before she could stop herself, and Jirdo smirked. As she fought for composure, she asked, "What about Tirien?"

Jrdio frowned. "Hard to tell. He and Narasi are tight, but other than that, I don't know how he feels about anybody.  He says he trusts her, I guess…"

"He said he trusts both of you, right?"

Jirdo's eyes softened; Renata had the oddest impression he was holding back tears. "Yeah… I don't know if I deserve that, but…well, he's a good man.  Cleaned up the mess Maia, Bras, and I made on Guudria…and he's trying to save Zaella, too, whatever that's worth…not every Jedi would've given either of us a second chance."

That sounded more like the Tirien that Renata had heard about; she wondered at the disconnect between Jirdo's experience and hers. "Are you going to Allanteen with them?"

"Assuming this becomes a real thing?" he hedged. When Renata didn't reply, Jirdo looked down. "I don't know that they'd want me; I don't know how much help I'd be. Other than Maia and Bras, I haven't even sparred with a lightsaber in a decade.  I've seen them all fight—Tirien, Narasi, and Zaella.  They're all much better than me."

"Well, you could practice with us," Renata offered. "We spar in the courtyard out back some mornings."

"I don't know that I'd get much better before Tirien wanted to go."

"Well, you won't get any better if you don't try."

It felt odd giving a pep talk to such an older Jedi—former Jedi?, Renata wondered, or did he still count? The peculiarity of it wasn't lost on Jirdo, who asked, "What about you? Are you going?"

"If my master says we are, yeah."

He raised an eyebrow. "It's gonna be a rough trip. Tirien and Narasi filled me in on what I've missed the last nine years—Gasald sounds like a nasty piece of work, and if she's like most Sith Overlords, some of her lackeys are probably almost as bad."

Renata swallowed. She had not been hiding in Wild Space for the last nine years, and even though the Tapani Jedi younglings had been a little sheltered at the praxeum, everyone in the Tapani sector had heard of Vedya Gasald. Zirist Lakalt had been the closer threat until Darshkére killed him, but most of the nobles Renata had overheard spoke of him like a running joke, a nuisance not quite serious enough to be worth swatting down. Lady Gasald was something else entirely—even before she had conquered Milagro and Allanteen, the brutality of her forces and her personal cruelty had been legend. Renata had just returned from half a year on Milagro, where she had gained a firsthand appreciation of the horrible things Lady Gasald's people did.

Scared didn't begin to describe her reaction to walking into the krayt's den, but she knew it came with the calling. And Raina would be there with her; her master pushed her hard and kept her on her toes all the time, but just being around her made Renata feel stronger, too. "My master says Jedi are allowed to feel afraid; we just can't let it control us."

"Yeah," said Jirdo, but Renata saw he was still struggling. She wondered what he was afraid of.

The lull in the conversation gave her the perfect chance to dive into her databook, but she felt awkward leaving it at that. Clearing her throat, she said, "I sparred with Narasi this morning. She's really good."

"Yeah, she is," Jirdo agreed, to Renata's relief. After Narasi and Zaella had both held her off and then shattered her defenses without much effort, she had started to fear she was behind where she should be; it made her feel better to think Narasi was above average. "She's better than Zaella, too. If you can pick something up from her, you should."

Renata considered it. Narasi and Zaella had both beaten her soundly, but they had handled it very differently. "She seems nice, too."

Jirdo rubbed his neck. "Er…she's got a bit of a temper sometimes, but yeah, overall she's not bad. As long as you can keep her away from Zaella."