The Fanon Menace/Season 2/Episode 24 script

Bespin -Attempt to rescue Han

 Oh, no! What are we going to do? Now Luke’s going to be captured, too!

 Not if I can help it!


 * *Lobot singlehandedly knocks every stormtrooper unconscious and gathers their weapons*

 Thank you, Lobot, for your assistance.

 You’re very welcome, sir.


 * *Rush to landing pad, where Lobot fights Fett. Fight ends with Fett knocking Lobot off the edge and running into ship*


 * *Lobot climbs back over edge as ship takes off*

 He got away! I’m sorry for my failure, Leia.

 We still have a chance! To the Falcon!

 Yes, we’ll chase him to Tatooine if we have to!

 Tatooine? But what about Luke? I was thinking just to the edge of the system.

 Luke can take care of himself. It’s Han we’ve got to worry about.

-Fight Darth Vader

 So, you have come. It is a fight!...to the death.

 Death, or dismemberment?

 What kind of question is that? If I dismember you, aren’t you going to die?

 Of course not. We’re plastic, so we can’t die. We can only be dismembered.

 Of course you can die! What if I cut your torso in half?

 With your plastic lightsaber?

 Sh! The audience thinks they’re real.

<Luke> Sorry…

<Vader> So what if I cut your torso in half?

<Luke> You can’t for more reasons than the plasticity of your lightsaber. The other reason is that the writer won’t allow it.

<Vader> The writer? What power does he have?


 * *Anvil falls beside Vader, almost squashing him*

<Vader> Ah! Ok, I surrender!

<Luke> So are we going to duel to dismemberment, or what?


 * *Luke and Vader duel, Luke escapes first duel room. Move to second, where Luke loses his hand and falls down pit*

-Rescue Luke

<Lando> Leia, can you see where we are? We seem to have run into a cloud bank.

<Leia> I’ll go up top and see what I can see.


 * *Leia leaves cockpit*


 * *Cut to scene of Luke falling and screaming*

<Leia> *opens topside hatch of Falcon* Funny, it’s clearer here. *pulls out comlink* Lando, you’ve turned us completely around in this cloud bank. Now we’re right under Cloud City again! *looks up* What’s that falling thing? Ah, can’t be that important.

<Lando> *over comlink* I’m turning us around.


 * *Falcon turns, over steers*

<Leia> No, that’s too far.


 * *Falcon turns back*

<Leia> Too far again.


 * *Falcon turns back*

<Leia> *extends arms* That’s perfect! *Luke falls from sky into Leia’s arms* Luke! How’d you get here?

<Lando> *over comlink* Luke’s here? How’d he get here?

<Leia> I dunno. He just fell from the sky and I caught him.

<Lando> Oh. Ok, bring him in.

<Leia> Roger that. *Sets Luke down* Luke, you’re missing your hand!

<Luke> My Rolex!

<Leia> You lose your hand and all you can think about is your watch?

<Luke> What do you expect? I studied to be a lawyer on Tatooine. I care about other things, too. Like…my lightsaber! Oh, no…Old Ben’s gonna kill me.


 * *Descend and close hatch. Falcon flies away*