Talk:Gaisor Hekkel

Review as requested.

First, I'll comment on the technical stuff. In the infobox, is the link supposed to be to Uvena III or to Wookieepedia, as Uvena III? Next, the eras; "Old Republic Era" should be "era," as in always lowercase for "era." Later, in the first image about the tree, there seems to be grammatical error. "The tree around which Gaiso's village's village was situated." Is that supposed to be "The tree around which Gaisor's village was situated."? Otherwise it makes little sense, considering his name is spelt wrong and it's just messy. Next, onto the second image; first, does that image really have to be there? I don't think so. All Neimoidian images are terrible and, if the article isn't about a Neimoidian, then the image really isn't necessary. Everytime I look at a Neimoidian I see Troyb, which I do not want to see at all. Second, please don't link in image captions. It's unnecessary, and the context should already be in the article. The third image so far is good enough, but you could size it up to be bigger, breaking up the text more and looking better overall. Lastly, let's look at the categories: Alphabetize them, first of all, and second of all, please put the category "Jedi Masters" in replacement of "Jedi". That's pretty much it for the technical stuff.

Now, onto the story/grammar/spelling and the like. From the introduction, there is this: "was a Shistavanen Jedi Master"; That looks bad. Just link to Jedi Master together, without the SWF-link to Jedi. From the section Early life, from the first quote: "Gaisor Hekkel upon the Rifter way of raising children."; Reword. "Upon" doesn't fit or make sense. Something like "Gaisor Hekkel on the Rifter way of raising children" is better, and without any period either. In the paragraphs: "Gaisor Hekkel was born upon the world of Uvena III"; change it to "on" rather than upon. Later: "who lived upon its surface, Gaisor's"; put a period after surface rather than a comma. Then, " Gaisor's one being very matriarchal in it's orientation"; rewrite it, as "Gaisor's clan was very matriarchal in its orientation". Note the apostrophe removal. Later: "in his mothers case"; apostrophe needed. Later: "have equal say in their up-brining"; I think that's upbringing. "As such, no child knew their original parents, so as to not cause favouritism unnecessarily, " What? I get it, but its a bit of a run on and makes little sense in its form. Rewrite a little bit please.

BAH! I have to go for now. I will continue this later when I return. --Victortalk 19:14, 31 August 2008 (UTC)