The Fanon Menace/Season 2/Episode 9 script

Death Star -“Blow up” Alderaan

 Now, Leia, the time has come. You are scheduled for dilution.

 Dilution? How are you going to dilute me?

 I meant execution. But first, we will destroy Alderaan!

 No! You can’t do it!

 We can, and we will! Start the computer simulation!


 * *simulation showing planet explode appears on a screen*

 Nooooo!!!

 Take her to her bell! We will determinate her soon!

 *looks at 421* I got cell, but what’s determinate? That’s not even a real word, is it?

 Let’s just take her to the cell; with any luck, it’ll be the next shift left to…“determinate” her.

-Arrive on Death Star


 * *Falcon exits hyperspace and is hit by an asteroid*

 What was that?

 We must have flown into an asteroid field or a meteor shower. It’s not on any of the charts!

 Yeah, it is. We’re here. Alderaan is over there. We’re off by about 30 parsecs.

 No we’re not! This is where Alderaan is, but it’s gone! Blown away!

 Nonsense, it would take a thousand ships with more firepower than I’ve ever seen…

 Maybe it was destroyed by that space station over there.

 That’s too big to be a space station!

<Obi> That’s no space station…that’s a moon.

<Luke> I’m pretty sure it’s a space station.

<Obi> It can’t be. Maybe there’s someone on the moon who knows where they moved Alderaan.

<Han> Maybe. How about we visit and ask? Chewie, lock in the artillery power.

<Chewie> Grawwr.

<Han> Well, that’s convenient.

<Luke> What’s convenient?

<Han> They already have a tractor beam on us.

<Luke> Tractor? Break it! We have to escape and warn the Rebellion!

<Obi> No need. We found the Death Star, and we have to rescue Leia.

<Luke> How do you know it’s the Death Star?

<Obi> ‘Cause that’s what it says on the side.


 * *zooms to view through cockpit window. Giant DEATH STAR written on Death Star hull.*

<Luke> Oh. Well, shouldn’t we hide somewhere so the Domain doesn’t find us?

<Han> Follow me. We don’t have to hide; I’ve got stormtrooper armor in my smuggling compartments.

<Obi> Oh, boy, I like that armor. It’s white. White’s my favorite color.

<Luke> *to Chewie* Isn’t white the universal sign of surrender?

<Chewie> Grawwr.


 * *Han and Luke dress in stormtrooper armor and get into smuggling compartments, then fall through the floor as TK421 and TK-422 enter the ship.*

<Han> I’m sure glad I installed these smuggling compartments.


 * *At this point, C-3PO and R2-D2 are separated, all exit, leaving TK-421 and TK-422 to exit Falcon*