Star Wars Fanon:Featured articles/Nominations

A featured article is an article that represents the best that Star Wars Fanon has to offer. Out of articles on this wiki, less than fifty are currently featured articles. Articles that no longer meet the criteria can be proposed for improvement or removal by the Council of Seers. A featured article is also an article that adheres to a certain standard of quality that is higher than the standard of quality for good articles. In order to become a featured article, an article must first be voted as a Star Wars Fanon good article. It should be of a very detailed and of substantial length, long enough to promote every single detail about the subject, though short enough to where it does not become a hassle to read it or edit it. For more information on what makes a featured article, see our featured article requirements.

Nomination
In order to be considered for featured article status, an article must first reach good article status by being voted upon by the Council of Seers and the membership of Star Wars Fanon. Once an article has become a good one, the author of the article may nominate the article for featured article status on their own accord. The nominated template will also be added at the top of any good articles that are nominated.

Voting
The Council of Seers, and they alone, will vote on each nomination. They will review by adding comments, critique, and feedback on the articles up for nomination. They will vote on whether or not the article is of featured article quality, and once at least six of the ten members of the Council of Seers approve of the article, the article will become featured.

If for whatever reason the author(s) of a featured article nominee become(s) inactive and the objections of the Council of Seers remain uncorrected, the article will be removed from the nominations list and moved to the list of rejected nominations. Once the author returns, they may re-nominate their article if they intend to correct the objections.

Approved articles
If an article is voted in by the Council of Seers, it will be added to the list of featured articles, the upcoming article queue, and to the history of featured articles.

Approve

 * 1) Good job. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 18:03, 9 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Resigned as a Decreton Lord, so he is not a member of the Council of Seers. Therefore, the vote is invalid. - Brandon Rhea (talk) (contribs) 02:26, 7 October 2008 (UTC)

Objections

 * 1) It's a good article, with promise, but I don't think it's FA material quite yet. There are a few things that can be done to make the article better. Here's a list of the most obvious things:
 * 2) * Remove the bullet points from the infobox; they're not needed.
 * 3) * In the infobox, add to the "Personal information" section, or hide it (insert hidep=yes).
 * 4) * Expand, or merge as appropriate, all sections with the possible exception of The Brotherhood of Darkness.
 * 5) * Expand Legacy, Personality and traits and Talents and abilities.
 * 6) * Put a bullet point in the BtS section, or remove it completely.
 * 7) * Fix the categorization.
 * 8) * Fix punctuation in the introduction.
 * 9) * Thats all I can find for the time being. Darth Abeonis Sith Council Sith Campaign 22:17, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
 * Done and done [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] My page iChat What I've done 20:05, 25 March 2008 (UTC) 08:51, 28 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Dangerously near Mary Sue.
 * 3) * None of the images are properly sourced. Solus  (Bird of Prey)  20:48, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **Fixed the images, but I disagree with the first one. How do you believe it's a Mary Sue, and how do you believe I could rectify this? [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 16:46, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ***Um...let's see how I can explain this.
 * 6) ***#Respect from a well-known canon character has potential for Mary Sue, unless handled right. Love from a well-known canon character automatically adds a whole lot of Mary Sue points - there are next to no exceptions of that rule of thumb.
 * 7) ***#Visiting well-known planets has potential for Mary Sue. Visiting a well-known planet that no one is supposed to have visited, that almost no one knows about, and doing something important there adds loads of MS points.
 * 8) ***#Having an army has potential for Mary Sue. Suddenly getting an army adds many MS points. Suddenly getting an army that can challenge a well-known government is an automatic MS point jackpot.
 * 9) ***#There are several other minor things, but that's the major stuff. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:58, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) ***#* I see. How would you propose I change this without actually screwing up the storyline and would you believe it to be too MS for the other DL's to support? [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 17:02, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ***#**I don't know, on either count. For the first, either somewhat of a rewrite or scrappage is in order, but I don't suggest the latter, the article has potential. As for the other DLs, how about you ask them? I can't speak for them all. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:05, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) ***#***I see. I'll wait to see what the other DL's think first. [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 17:11, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) I agree with Solus on what he's currently said about Mary Sue characteristics. This is my opposition until I read through this article again to see if it's up to standards in other regards. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom) (Record) 16:44, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) **I see. May I point out, however, that someone has to lead an army and there does have to be a leader? [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 09:18, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) JM76's comments
 * 16) * The whole intro paragraph is very comma-abusive. Maybe its just personal preference, but the less commas, the better. Many of the long sentences could be easily split into smaller sentences.
 * 17) *The "Force" should always be capitalized.
 * 18) *"Merkory completed this mission with ease..." PoV
 * 19) *"It was estimated that Merkory slew one hundred and eleven Sith that day." By his lonesome? That's a bit of a stretch, considering you're fighting in close-quarters against armed and trained Sith warriors who could be using anything from lightsabers to heavy repeaters.
 * 20) *"Merkory was powerful and fought well, but the Sith Lord easily overpowered him..." easily is PoVish.
 * 21) *"Vires couldn't see his face beneath the armor, but, as the fight escalated, Eldorio managed to slice the face part of the armor off, revealing Merkory beneath." Might want to fix that, it seems to imply that Eldorio is wearing armor.
 * You'll also want to change "couldn't" to "could not". - Brandon Rhea (talk) (contribs) 02:26, 7 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *Very bare BtS. &mdash;  JM ' 76 ' Ask Archives [[Image:Sabersmilyjm76.jpg|18px]] 02:22, 7 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) **Those issues are solved. I'll do the BtS soon. --[[Image:Darth tom sig.png|100px]] (talk) (contributions) 08:55, 18 October 2008 (UTC)

Vote to reject nomination

 * 1) For the same reasons as the author's other featured article nomination, basically. Both articles were written when the author was new and inexperienced, and they both need drastic rewrites. I took a look at this article today, and there's no real point listing every objection. The author, as a Seer, knows what the featured article requirements are and if he looks at this article he will realize that it needs to go through a complete rewrite to conform to featured article standards. - Brandon Rhea (talk) (contribs) 00:58, 28 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Duh. --Victortalk 06:43, 28 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) If he still wants it to be FA, he can rewrite and repost it for fresh highlights. Unit 8311 [[Image:1110 Big small.jpg|20px]] Talk!  17:11, 28 November 2008 (UTC)

Objections

 * 1) From the Hitleresque Desk of Unit 8311:
 * 2) *'and was able to create one of the most powerful military forces the galaxy had ever seen'...to 'what was considered to be one of the most powerful'
 * Done.  Wing   msg 02:28, 26 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *I consider the art scuplture thing to be somewhat eyebrow-raising, as I can only imagine someone with extreme emotional problems running away from home because they messed up an art piece. However, I'll let it pass.
 * 2) *'Cos had average aim'...add 'compared to the other soldiers', just to be safe
 * Done.  Wing   msg 02:28, 26 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *'ministers took in turning the Republic into a reich of sorts.'...I'm not sure if reich is a good word, as I doubt the German language exists in SW. 'fascist dictatorship' might be better.
 * Done.  Wing   msg 02:28, 26 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *'Cos ruled the galaxy ruthlessly'...to 'was considered a ruthless leader'
 * Done.  Wing   msg 02:28, 26 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *'Another three years passed, when Imperial intelligence informed Cos that the Rebellion had relocated to a planet in the Outer Rim.'...change 'when' to 'then'. Looks better gramatically.
 * Done.  Wing   msg 02:28, 26 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *'Though, Jerjerrod was no Tarkin, and the station was not being completed on schedule'...'Jerjerrod was not considered as effecient as Tarkin' might be better.
 * Done.  Wing   msg 02:28, 26 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *'However, Cos' plan failed' add an extra 's' after Cos'
 * 2) *'Darth Vader was growing angry with Cos's poor military leadership of the Galactic Civil War'...'with what he considered to be Cos's poor military leadership'
 * Done.  Wing   msg 02:28, 26 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *'Cos's cruelty and evil was known by nearly all after his death', whoah, big POV here. Rewrite this sentence.
 * Done.  Wing   msg 02:28, 26 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *'Talents' section has some POV that you should easily spot and change. I can highlight it all for you if that's not the case, though.
 * Please highlight them.  Wing   msg 02:14, 30 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *In the end, though I'm not fond of rewritten canon characters, I can see this article being an FA. The above stuff I listed shouldn't be too difficult to sort. Unit 8311 [[Image:1110 Big small.jpg|20px]] Talk!  16:20, 25 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) From the politically re-imagined Resolute Desk of Brandon Rhea
 * 3) *I first want to mention that I made these objections nearly two months ago before the first nomination was rejected. They should have been taken care of before you nominated this again. But because they were not, here they are again.
 * 4) *Throughout the article, you repeat “Cos” over and over when saying things that Cos has done. I would suggest you find other words than “Cos” to say this, because although this is meant to be encyclopedic prose it could still read a little better in this regard.
 * On the topic of prose, I’ve removed a lot of the colorful prose that is best saved for a narrative piece rather than an encyclopedic article. I’ve also removed all instances of POV that I found when reading.
 * 1) *I’m not quite sure what I think about the surrender of the Mandalorians. Mandalorians will typically fight until the last man or until it’s clear that they absolutely cannot win. I don’t see how the loss of their capital world would do that based on the information you’ve given. It just doesn’t seem very honorable. I know this is an alternate take on the Star Wars film era, but you haven’t established that the Mandalorians in your fanon are any different than those in canon.
 * Done.  Wing   msg 21:51, 28 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *I have a hard time believing that everyone in the court would just rally around Cos’s speech, including the judges. There’s always people who will disagree. However, I was glad that even with this he was still sentenced to prison.
 * Done.  Wing   msg 21:51, 28 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *On the note of prison, nine months is a bit too early for parole on a five year sentence, don’t you think? It’s generally longer than that, I believe, especially if the crime is treason and conspiracy.
 * The six judges gave him a parole of nine months, believing in his ideals. They were the first of many government officials for Cos to sway into his cloud of lies.  Wing   msg 21:51, 28 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *I have a big problem with the part where he becomes Senator of Corell, and it’s mostly due to a startling lack of detail. First, why was he given parole? As for the election, why did the people vote in favor of him? How did he run his campaign? What was the competition like in the primaries? Who was his opponent? What was he/she like to run against? Was the race a landslide or was it a close race? What were the major issues of the campaign? What was Cos’s focus in the campaign (aka, like McCain’s “Country First” or Obama’s “Change We Can Believe In”)? As for his inauguration, the Governor didn’t do anything to try to prevent Cos from being elected and then inaugurated? The Governor didn’t make a public spectacle about how Cos shouldn’t be inaugurated? I don’t know about you, but I’d have a hard time inaugurating someone who tried to kill me.
 * Done.  Wing   msg 21:51, 28 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *In the first paragraph of the Clone Wars section alone, there is a total lack of context and detail in terms of major events. What was the Mandalorian threat? What type of intelligence did they receive to suggest that the Mandalorians were a threat to them again? Why did Cos vote to go to war? What evidence did he have to suggest that there should be a war against the Mandalorians? What type of measures did the Senate take to build up an army? Where did this clone army come from? Finally, after answering all of this, why did the Senate finally agree to declare war?
 * Done.  Wing   msg 02:12, 30 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *Once again, there is a total lack of detail in terms of the election, this time for Supreme Chancellor. First, who was the sitting Supreme Chancellor? How did he run his campaign? Was the race a landslide or was it a close race? What were the major issues of the campaign? What was Cos’s focus in the campaign (aka, like McCain’s “Country First” or Obama’s “Change We Can Believe In”)? What was the focus of his two opponents? There needs to be a lot more detail here.
 * Done.  Wing   msg 02:12, 30 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *You say that Cos pleaded for “more” emergency powers? When did he receive emergency powers in the first place? Remember, emergency powers are not inherent in the position of a government executive like this, so you need to address how he first got them.
 * Sorry, that was a typo. Fixed.  Wing   msg 02:12, 30 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *After spending so much time stating how Cos was always so big on ensuring the best things possible for the Republic, I’m concerned with the lack of detail on why he would prolong the war and why he wanted more emergency powers.
 * Done.  Wing   msg 02:12, 30 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *You ended one sentence saying that many more Republic worlds were captured, but began the next one by saying that it appeared the Republic would win without explaining the turn of events. I don’t see how you can jump a year and a half between two sentences. Surely important things must have happened then?
 * Done.  Wing   msg 02:12, 30 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *Get rid of the "Styles of Address" section. It's totally irrelevant.
 * Done.  Wing   msg 23:02, 27 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *More will come later. As it stands, while I’m intrigued by the storyline, this is nowhere near Featured article quality. There are too many points of detail lacking throughout the article, as evident above, and I just don’t think it’s very well written. The prose is very shaky and unengaging. It’s hard to explain, but I think you need to steer clear of some of the parts that are more suited for a narrative and just make the prose a bit more compelling. I mentioned the thing above about how you should find another way to refer to Cos than just “Cos”, but also the sentence structure and grammar also needs a lot of improvement. This may need a total rewrite, though I haven’t finished it yet so it may not need a total one. We’ll see how the rest is once you get to these. - Brandon Rhea (talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 18:27, 25 October 2008 (UTC)

Comments
Alright, I am ready for this to be critiqued for Featured Article status.  Wing   msg 14:32, 25 October 2008 (UTC)
 * Done with Unit's, will do Bac's complaints soon.  Wing   msg 15:09, 26 October 2008 (UTC)

Fixed all of Bac's complaints.  Wing   msg 02:14, 30 October 2008 (UTC)


 * I'll take a look at your corrections tomorrow. On another note, if you're going to put "done" or whatever underneath every objection, please properly format the indentation of your comments. I shouldn't have to do that for you. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 02:28, 30 October 2008 (UTC)
 * Oops, sorry.  Wing   msg 02:35, 30 October 2008 (UTC)

Fixed some more tweaks yesterday.  Wing   msg 22:12, 4 November 2008 (UTC)

Can I get some more feedback, please?  Wing   msg 17:23, 16 November 2008 (UTC)

Approve

 * 1) Good job with this. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 20:12, 25 November 2008 (UTC)

Objections

 * 1) From the unleashed desk of Drewton:
 * 2) * It's better to use quotation marks rather than the ' symbols for quotes in prose.
 * 3) *"The Death's Tongue Militia placed minimal forces on the planet, and instead goaded the local population into fighting for them, and laid many traps for the Necasians and Sravs." "And" is used twice here.
 * 4) *The image spreading/layout isn't great. You have a lot of images in one spot and then none at all in another. Images could also be slightly larger.
 * 5) *"Although Askar had no interest in the planet of Tahu itself, he didn't" Contractions are unencyclopedic.
 * 6) *"The Necasians, originally being two days march" Add "a" before "two days march".
 * 7) *"The Necasians were the first ones to reach the city, despite the setbacks they'd received" Another contraction.
 * 8) *"Realise" is spelled "realize".
 * 9) *"and such an epidemic wouldn't be seen on Tahu again until" Another contraction. Destroy it.
 * Overall, it's well written, with only a few minor mistakes. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 17:47, 25 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) **Sorted. Unit 8311 [[Image:1110 Big small.jpg|20px]] Talk!  20:04, 25 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) * "With the base in ruins, both sides felt they had dealt a heavy blow to the Death's Tongue Militia. (which they had not)." Looks unprofessional; the words in parantheses should be moved into the main sentence. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 20:08, 25 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Review…
 * 4) *In the infobox, I recommend/suggest sorting the commanders (from the Commanders section) by surname. As for the outcome, why is it indecisive? I think stalemate is more appropriate; indecisive just means no 'historians' (that's us) can decide who won, rather than just stating it was a stalemate (a tie, no true winners or losers, but equal in gain and loss, basically overall). Well anyway, the rest of the infobox looks good, rather impressive. The former two are simple suggestions or complaints, whatever you wish to call them, but I stand strongly by them.
 * 5) *From the introduction
 * 6) **"attacked the Necasian Military and Srav Federation and spread terror amongst their civilian populations as a result" Rewrite this, as the lack of comma use may confuse a reader, to "attacked the Necasian Military and Srav Federation, spreading terror amongst their civilian populations as a result"
 * 7) **"tricking both other factions into attacking a decoy base on Tahu which they would disguise as a major base" Two things; first, explain how they tricked the other two factions, and second, instead of saying "which they would disguise as a major base", to keep the flow, change it to "which they disguised as a major base". That keeps it all in past tense.
 * 8) **"and instead goaded the local population into fighting for them" Okay, 'instead' of what? Doesn't sound like instead of anything, so just take it out.
 * 9) **Sentence beginning with "Arriving at the planet" is a run on, please cut it into two, preferably after "by said militants" (that is a good enough sentence there). Too much to swallow at once.
 * 10) *More later. --Victortalk 01:55, 1 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) **Sorted. And I still stand by indecesive because it can be debated which side really won, and none of them really achieved much, so I feel indecesive is the best term. Unit 8311 [[Image:1110 Big small.jpg|20px]] Talk!  16:56, 1 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Then change it to something like "Indecisive, as noted by galactic historians" and then make sure that the article addresses why historians believe it was indecisive (such as in the Legacy section or something). Without proper clarification like that, it looks like author POV. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 20:22, 1 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Done. Unit 8311 [[Image:1110 Big small.jpg|20px]] Talk!  18:52, 2 December 2008 (UTC)

Comments

 * Awaiting any objections. Unit 8311 [[Image:1110 Big small.jpg|20px]] Talk!  19:45, 9 November 2008 (UTC)
 * Started reviewing this. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 23:23, 24 November 2008 (UTC)

Approve

 * 1) I feel that, based on the reviews in the good article nominations, that this is of featured article quality. We also certainly need additional featured articles. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 17:51, 26 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) --Victortalk 01:43, 1 December 2008 (UTC)

Objections

 * 1) From Drewton's holocron:
 * 2) *The second paragraph is written slightly too much in in-universe style, and synopsis should be written in present tense. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 17:57, 26 November 2008 (UTC)
 * While present tense is more appropriate, to be fair there is no rule that says it must be. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 18:00, 26 November 2008 (UTC)
 * Indeed, but it is the standard in all OOU articles on both Wookieepedia and Wikipedia. Call it personal preference if you want, but I don't think this is suitable for a featured article. Though I will leave this as optional to the author, due to there being no rule against it. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 18:03, 26 November 2008 (UTC)

Comments
I have to admit, I was not planning on nominating this for Featured Article. However, some feel it to be of potential FA quality, so I'll have to talk this over with Ryluk next time he gets online. --  Tesh  162  18:29, 26 November 2008 (UTC)

Approve

 * 1) Just became a Good article, and since GA and FA standards are basically the same when the article in question uses sourced information only, I believe it's up to Featured article standards. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 20:55, 28 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Based on the good article reviews. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 15:58, 29 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Approved. --Victortalk 20:38, 29 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Nothing really worth complaining about. Unit 8311 [[Image:1110 Big small.jpg|20px]] Talk!  12:33, 30 November 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

 * 1) From the united Resolute Desk of Brandon Rhea:
 * 2) *Just as an introductory note, I certainly hope that the quality of the articles has reviewed since you initially wrote the Battle of Kothlis, or this is going to be another disappointment. I don’t like being disappointed.
 * From the infobox:
 * 1) *In the outcome segment, I think you can be a little more specific and grammatically correct rather than just saying “Lost Ones defeat”.
 * 2) *I may be wrong, but doesn’t a four-way battle indicate that there were four sides that were all fighting each other in a massive one vs. one vs. one vs. one battle? I thought this battle was everyone against the Lost Ones? If so, I think it make more sense to change this to a two-way battle infobox and include all of the non-Lost Ones information under one side to indicate that those three were fighting together AGAINST the Lost Ones.
 * 3) *Given the imaginations of the people involved with Project Cruentus, I think that you can come up with better “strength” and “casualty” statistics than what you have there. My advice? Ask MPK for assistance in generating appropriate numbers of forces and casualties.
 * From the introduction:
 * 1) *“was a battle of the Cruentusian War” - there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, but I just feel that it reads awkwardly. I’d write it as “was a battle during the Cruentusian War” or “was a battle that took place during the Cruentusian War”.
 * 2) *When you say “elite Rakata commando group” in reference to the Lost Ones, are you using that as an official description (as if to say, “the Navy Seals are an elite force within the United States Navy”), or is that just an adjective? This isn’t an objection unless it’s the latter, in which case it’s borderline POV. If it’s the former, then disregard this. The same goes for further down where it says “elite Necasian squad”.
 * 3) *Should it be “Rakata commando group” or “Rakatan commando group”? I’d assume the latter, but given that you’re writing in this time period then you might know more than me.
 * 4) *“Necasian hero” is borderline POV, although I see what you mean to say by it. I’d suggest saying “led by Haveer Jarn, who was hailed as a hero by the Necasians”. The same goes for “the Zayre heroine Storm Ironwings” a little further down.
 * 5) *“and both had to reluctantly work with each other” - I would personally say “work with one another”, but it’s up to you. That’s just my preference.
 * 6) *“violent duel” - while I’m sure the duel was violent, that’s pretty much POV. I think just saying a duel would suffice.
 * 7) *“with the combined efforts of the two commando groups” - what about the Zayre? You mention them once in regards to the duel, but then they’re not acknowledged again.
 * 8) *“and the Lost Ones were forced to flee” - it’s never really a good idea to use the word “forced” for something like this, because it implies that they had no other options (which, technically, isn’t true because they could have stayed and fought until the last man was dead). In an encyclopedic article, it shouldn’t be said for certainty that there were no other options, so just saying “and the Lost Ones fled” will suffice. Just as a heads up, to avoid awkward reading, the changing of the wording in the “forced” part necessitates a change in wording in the next part. I would say that the whole part of that sentence should say “and the Lost Ones fled, their temple on the planet having been razed by a Srav nuclear strike”.
 * 9) *Just in the interest of easy reading for everyone, I would suggest changing “razed” to destroyed. Of course I know what that means but, again, not everyone necessarily knows that sort of thing.
 * 10) *More to come later. The overview of the battle in the introduction intrigues me, so if there is an extensive review then hopefully there's a great story to go along with it. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 21:24, 30 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) **Sorted. Also, it is my personal preference not to have exact figures in infoboxes, but I'll see what I can do. Unit 8311 [[Image:1110 Big small.jpg|20px]] Talk!  17:02, 1 December 2008 (UTC)

Comments
Cruentus's 3rd FAN. Awaiting objections. Unit 8311 Talk!  20:38, 30 November 2008 (UTC)

Approve

 * 1) Yes. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 02:55, 3 December 2008 (UTC)

Objections

 * 1) From Drewton's unleashed holocron:
 * 2) *Eras in the infobox are not sourced.
 * 3) **Fixed, although that's preference. Sourcing isn't even required to begin with. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 04:11, 2 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *I'm not going to oppose because of it, but this article in particular would really benefit from using the character's last name at least a few times.
 * 5) **I stick to a format rather than jumping back and forth. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 04:11, 2 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *"along with the fact that it causes a user to enjoy battle" Tense.
 * 7) *"Rhea felt that this should cause a more realistic and evident struggle between the two sides of the Force." POV. Add "what he considered" or something.
 * 8) **That's not POV. "Rhea felt that" is what takes out the POV. However, I'll put it in anyway, however redundant it may be - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 04:11, 2 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) *In the intro, we don't need to know as much detail as it being "twelve hours later".
 * 10) **And Vic told me in the GANs that just talking about Fett in the end sentence didn't say enough about Windy. Someone please come to a decision and stick with it rather than having me keep changing it. Thank you. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 04:11, 2 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ***What does that have to do with this? I said it talked too much about Fett, so you added in Windy; that's fine. Just take out the "twelve hours later" thing. --Victortalk 04:16, 2 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) ****What do you mean "what does it have to do with it"? Why should I change it just to say that he escaped from the temple twelve hours later? - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 04:27, 2 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) ***It already says that. Drewton said so much detail in an intro is unnecessary. --Victortalk 04:35, 2 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) ****I'm not following you. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 04:36, 2 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) ***Okay, from the top. Drewton objected to you having the "twelve hour" bit in the intro. You replied with saying that I said you didn't say enough about Windy, which is true, but irrelevant to this, as taking away "twelve hours later" does not remove Windy information (see comments section below). I replied by explaining the latter, to which you replied that why should you add the "twelve hours" bit in, when (in reality) it is already there. That's basically it - Drewton is asking for you to remove that detail from the intro, and I have given an example how that can be done below, although if it would be easier, just forget about it entirely. --Victortalk 04:39, 2 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) ****Ah, it seems Drewton was missing a word which threw off my understanding of his entire post (assuming yours is the correct understanding, which it seems to be). I understood "we don't need to know as much detail as it being "twelve hours later"" to mean "we don't need to know anything further than that it was twelve hours later". A "such as" in there would have helped. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea  <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 05:12, 2 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) *"although it was unknown how many students he had trained prior to accepting her" Is this necessary?
 * 18) **I believe so, because the novel implies that there were other apprentices before Padme. By stating the above, it covers all angles because it acknowledges that there were others but doesn't leave readers going, "Well? Who were they?" - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 04:11, 2 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) *Some context, perhaps as simply as "of the Force", as well as links is needed for the light side and dark side.
 * 20) *"Force" needs to be linked to.
 * 21) * Drewton [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 03:08, 2 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) **Corrected objections unless otherwise noted above. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 04:11, 2 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) *Context needed on Jard Dooku and Obi-Wan Kenobi. It's obvious, but still. Even if just saying that they're Jedi, or something like "Master Jard Dooku and his former padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi".
 * 24) *"Obi-Wan’s claim that a young man named Annikin Skywalker would fulfill the Prophecy of the Chosen One, which claimed a savior would bring balance to the Force. Although unsure about the claim" "Claim" is used three times. Not really a big problem, but it sounds repitive when reading it.
 * 25) *"Jedi Bendu" needs a link.
 * 26) **There's nothing to link to. That's not my Jedi Bendu.
 * And that's it. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 02:21, 3 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Corrected unless otherwise noted. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 02:40, 3 December 2008 (UTC)

Comments
In regards to above, this sentence: "Twelve hours later, Fett escaped from the Jedi Temple, causing Mace to issue an immediate lock down of the surrounding areas." could easily become "When Fett escaped from the Jedi Temple, Mace issued an immediate lock down of the surrounding area." --Victortalk 04:17, 2 December 2008 (UTC)