CS:Merkory Chal'wala

This is the archived review page for the rejected featured article nomination of Merkory Chal'wala.

Featured article nomination (rejected)
Support (0/5)


 * 1) Good job. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 18:03, 9 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Resigned as a Decreton Lord, so he is not a member of the Council of Seers. Therefore, the vote is invalid. - Brandon Rhea (talk) (contribs) 02:26, 7 October 2008 (UTC)

Oppose


 * 1) It's a good article, with promise, but I don't think it's FA material quite yet. There are a few things that can be done to make the article better. Here's a list of the most obvious things:
 * 2) * Remove the bullet points from the infobox; they're not needed.
 * 3) * In the infobox, add to the "Personal information" section, or hide it (insert hidep=yes).
 * 4) * Expand, or merge as appropriate, all sections with the possible exception of The Brotherhood of Darkness.
 * 5) * Expand Legacy, Personality and traits and Talents and abilities.
 * 6) * Put a bullet point in the BtS section, or remove it completely.
 * 7) * Fix the categorization.
 * 8) * Fix punctuation in the introduction.
 * 9) * Thats all I can find for the time being. Darth Abeonis Sith Council Sith Campaign 22:17, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
 * Done and done [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] My page iChat What I've done 20:05, 25 March 2008 (UTC) 08:51, 28 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Dangerously near Mary Sue.
 * 3) * None of the images are properly sourced. Solus  (Bird of Prey)  20:48, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **Fixed the images, but I disagree with the first one. How do you believe it's a Mary Sue, and how do you believe I could rectify this? [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 16:46, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ***Um...let's see how I can explain this.
 * 6) ***#Respect from a well-known canon character has potential for Mary Sue, unless handled right. Love from a well-known canon character automatically adds a whole lot of Mary Sue points - there are next to no exceptions of that rule of thumb.
 * 7) ***#Visiting well-known planets has potential for Mary Sue. Visiting a well-known planet that no one is supposed to have visited, that almost no one knows about, and doing something important there adds loads of MS points.
 * 8) ***#Having an army has potential for Mary Sue. Suddenly getting an army adds many MS points. Suddenly getting an army that can challenge a well-known government is an automatic MS point jackpot.
 * 9) ***#There are several other minor things, but that's the major stuff. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:58, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) ***#* I see. How would you propose I change this without actually screwing up the storyline and would you believe it to be too MS for the other DL's to support? [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 17:02, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ***#**I don't know, on either count. For the first, either somewhat of a rewrite or scrappage is in order, but I don't suggest the latter, the article has potential. As for the other DLs, how about you ask them? I can't speak for them all. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:05, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) ***#***I see. I'll wait to see what the other DL's think first. [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 17:11, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) I agree with Solus on what he's currently said about Mary Sue characteristics. This is my opposition until I read through this article again to see if it's up to standards in other regards. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom) (Record) 16:44, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) **I see. May I point out, however, that someone has to lead an army and there does have to be a leader? [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 09:18, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) JM76's comments
 * 16) * The whole intro paragraph is very comma-abusive. Maybe its just personal preference, but the less commas, the better. Many of the long sentences could be easily split into smaller sentences.
 * 17) *The "Force" should always be capitalized.
 * 18) *"Merkory completed this mission with ease..." PoV
 * 19) *"It was estimated that Merkory slew one hundred and eleven Sith that day." By his lonesome? That's a bit of a stretch, considering you're fighting in close-quarters against armed and trained Sith warriors who could be using anything from lightsabers to heavy repeaters.
 * 20) *"Merkory was powerful and fought well, but the Sith Lord easily overpowered him..." easily is PoVish.
 * 21) *"Vires couldn't see his face beneath the armor, but, as the fight escalated, Eldorio managed to slice the face part of the armor off, revealing Merkory beneath." Might want to fix that, it seems to imply that Eldorio is wearing armor.
 * You'll also want to change "couldn't" to "could not". - Brandon Rhea (talk) (contribs) 02:26, 7 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *Very bare BtS. &mdash;  JM ' 76 ' Ask Archives [[Image:Sabersmilyjm76.jpg|18px]] 02:22, 7 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) **Those issues are solved. I'll do the BtS soon. --[[Image:Darth tom sig.png|100px]] (talk) (contributions) 08:55, 18 October 2008 (UTC)

Comments

Vote to reject nomination


 * 1) For the same reasons as the author's other featured article nomination, basically. Both articles were written when the author was new and inexperienced, and they both need drastic rewrites. I took a look at this article today, and there's no real point listing every objection. The author, as a Seer, knows what the featured article requirements are and if he looks at this article he will realize that it needs to go through a complete rewrite to conform to featured article standards. - Brandon Rhea (talk) (contribs) 00:58, 28 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Duh. --Victortalk 06:43, 28 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) If he still wants it to be FA, he can rewrite and repost it for fresh highlights. Unit 8311 [[Image:1110 Big small.jpg|20px]] Talk!  17:11, 28 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 16:57, 22 December 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 17:02, 22 December 2008 (UTC)