User:Darth tom/Review Desk

My own, personal area for reviewing. -- iChat What I've done 08:38, 8 July 2008 (UTC)

Darth Wyyrlok Review
A review of Darth Wyyrlok by Jasca Ducato

OK, here’s my quibbles first: -- iChat What I've done 08:38, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Spelling areas:
 * 2) * Fighting style appears if you edit the article, but not if you read it.
 * 3) *First line of paragraph four of the introduction: ‘defence’ should be ‘defense’.
 * 4) *In the introduction, it’s worded as if he has two apprentices at once, as it says: ‘the assistance of his apprentices Darth Nihilus and Darth Raith’. Whether this was intentional I can’t say, but you may want to word it better.
 * 5) *Final paragraph of the introduction: ‘It was then that Wyyrlok revealed the the Sith’ delete repeated ‘the’.
 * 6) *Second paragraph in ‘Early years’ section: ‘with Wyyrlok to supress his short temper’ ‘supress’ should be ‘suppress’.
 * 7) *Paragraph three of the same section: ‘vengence’ should be ‘vengeance’.
 * 8) *First line of paragraph three, same section: ‘Although still too young join active service with the Jedi’ should be ‘Although still too young to join active service with the Jedi’.
 * 9) *First paragraph of the section ‘Clone Wars’ reads: ‘Wyyrlok went into great detail about how he hoped Tyranus would have to split his attention between the Galactic Republic and the True Sith, and although Lamai admired the young Chagrian's tactical prowess and good will; forbade Wyyrlok from ever mentioning the True Sith again.’ And it should be: ‘Wyyrlok went into great detail about how he hoped Tyranus would have to split his attention between the Galactic Republic and the True Sith, and, although Lamai admired the young Chagrian's tactical prowess and good will, forbade Wyyrlok from ever mentioning the True Sith again.’ Embedded clause and removal of semi colon.
 * 10) * Second paragraph, same section: ‘At his Master's side once again, Wyyrlok was happy to be in the action. Dragged into the Clone Wars by his Master, Wyyrlok showed a tenacity unmatched for Jedi of his rank; and proved his combat skill’ It should be changed to: ‘At his Master's side once again, Wyyrlok was happy to be in the action. Dragged into the Clone Wars by his Master, Wyyrlok showed tenacity unmatched for Jedi of his rank, and proved his combat skill’. Remove the ‘a’ from before ‘tenacity’ and replaced the semi colon with a comma.
 * 11) *Second paragraph. same section: ‘handfull’ should be ‘handful’.
 * 12) *Third paragraph, same section: ‘landnig’ should be ‘landing’.
 * 13) *Same paragraph, ‘defence’ should be ‘defense’.
 * 14) *Same section, fourth paragraph: ‘preperations’ should be ‘preparations’.
 * 15) *The word ‘Padawan’ is capitalized throughout the entire Wookieepedia article, and isn’t categorized every time in your article.
 * 16) *Paragraph five: I don’t like to see ‘HQ’ in an article. ‘Head Quarters’ does better.
 * 17) *Same paragraph: ‘phased’ should be ‘fazed’ in that instance.
 * 18) *Second paragraph in the section: ‘Battle of Clak’dor VII’: ‘preperations’ should be ‘preparations’.
 * 19) *Same paragraph: ‘Wyyrlok ordered his ships to jump to Clak'dor VII’ should be ‘Wyyrlok ordered his ships to jump to Clak'dor VII’; double spacing between ‘ordered’ and ‘his’.
 * 20) *Next paragraph, same section: ‘shipps’ should be ‘ships’.
 * 21) *Same paragraph: ‘beguin’ should be ‘begun’.
 * 22) *Same paragraph: ‘perimiter’ should be ‘perimeter’.
 * 23) *Next paragraph, the word: ‘targetted’ is mentioned twice, and should be changed to ‘targeted’.
 * 24) *Same paragraph: ‘brough’ should be ‘brought’.
 * 25) *Same section, paragraph six: ‘increasinly’ should be ‘increasingly’.
 * 26) *Next paragraph: ‘delt’ should be ‘dealt’.
 * 27) *Next paragraph after the above paragraph: ‘abttle’ should be ‘battle’.
 * 28) *Paragraph nine, same section: ‘Wyyrlok was exhausted,’ should be ‘Wyyrlok was exhausted;’. Semi colon at the end.
 * 29) *Same section: ‘leavning’ should be ‘leaving’.
 * 30) *First paragraph, ‘Battle of Rendili’ section: ‘seperated’ should be ‘separated’.
 * 31) *Second paragraph, same section: ‘Dillan’ should be ‘Dallin’.
 * 32) *Third paragraph: ‘posibility’ should be ‘possibility’.
 * 33) *Paragraph five: ‘As Wyyrlok, Skywalker, Tiin and Kenobi’ should be ‘As Wyyrlok, Skywalker, Tiin and Kenobi’ double spacing after ‘and’.
 * 34) *Same paragraph: ‘hotseat’ should be ‘hot seat’.
 * 35) *Paragraph six: ‘signalling’ should be ‘signaling’.
 * 36) *Same paragraph: ‘resting their until their return to Coruscant.’ should be ‘resting there until their return to Coruscant.’
 * 37) *Same paragraph: ‘itt’ should be ‘it’.
 * 38) *Same paragraph: ‘responsibilty’ should be ‘responsibility’.
 * 39) *Section ‘Order 66 and aftermath’, first paragraph: ‘Wyylok’ should say ‘Wyyrlok’.
 * 40) * Same paragraph: ‘Battle of of’ should be changed to ‘Battle of’.
 * 41) *Same paragraph, the link reads: State of the Republic Adress and it should read: State of the Republic Address.
 * 42) *Paragraph two same section: ‘the Jedi Knights in the Diner Wyyrlok managed to destroy the first MagnaGuard droid; but’ should read: ‘the Jedi Knights in the Diner, Wyyrlok managed to destroy the first MagnaGuard droid; but’.
 * 43) *Paragraph three: ‘medicial’ should be ‘medical’.
 * 44) *Same line: ‘proudness’ isn’t a word.
 * 45) *Same paragraph: ‘engtraced’ should be ‘traced’.
 * 46) *Paragraph four, same section: ‘pooulation’ should be ‘population’.
 * 47) *Same paragraph: ‘lay’ should be ‘laid’.
 * 48) *Paragraph five, same section: ‘The rage inside him directed solely at Palpatine; Darth Sidious, and his clone troopers;’ should say ‘The rage inside him directed solely at Palpatine; Darth Sidious, and his clone troopers.’
 * 49) *Paragraph six: ‘lept’ should be ‘leapt’.
 * 50) *Same paragraph: ‘igniting a orange-hued lightsaber’ should be ‘igniting an orange-hued lightsaber’.
 * 51) *Ditto: ‘Wyyrlok duelled with the Sith’ should be ‘Wyyrlok dueled with the Sith’. ‘Duelled’ is also mentioned again on that same line.
 * 52) *Paragraph seven, same section: ‘visable means of esacape. Wyylok paced the room’ should be changed to: ‘visible means of escape. Wyyrlok paced the room’.
 * 53) *Paragraph eight, same section: ‘Galactic Republic on the condition that he swear not to attempt an escape; reluctantly’ should be ‘Galactic Republic on the condition that he swore not to attempt an escape; reluctantly’.
 * 54) *Paragraph nine, same section: ‘Devestated’ should be: ‘Devastated’
 * 55) *First paragraph in the section: ‘The ascension of Guerreiro’: ‘mechinations’ should be: ‘Machinations’.
 * 56) *Second paragraph, same section: ‘fueding’ should be: ‘feuding’.
 * 57) *Ditto: ‘lagship, ans subsequently the Dark Lord himself’ should be: ‘flagship, and subsequently the Dark Lord himself’.
 * 58) *Paragraph two in ‘Finding the SpecOps’: ‘distiction’ should be ‘distinction’.
 * 59) *First paragraph of ‘Killing Cal Omas’: ‘Follwoing’ should be ‘Following’.
 * 60) *Paragraph to of the section ‘Successors War’ reads: ‘for reason unknown’ it should read: ‘for reasons unknown’.
 * 61) *In the section ‘Overthrowing the Dark Lord’, paragraph two, it reads: ‘Wyyrlok both struck and Mahina’ when it should say ‘Wyyrlok both struck Mahina’.
 * 62) *Next paragraph, same section: ‘severly’ should be ‘severely’.
 * 63) *In ‘Talents and abilities’, first line: It reads: ‘unparralleled’ however, it should read: ‘unparalleled’.
 * 64) *Paragraph three, same section: ‘boyd’ should be ‘body’.
 * 65) *Same section, paragraph four: ‘encyclopaedic’ should be ‘encyclopedic’.
 * 66) Composition and expansion areas:
 * 67) *If you’re aiming for Featured article status, you may want to expand the section ‘Personality and traits’, create a ‘Relationships’ section.
 * 68) *Overall, a well written article and it says you will expand it but, in areas, I feel it’s dangerously close to Mary Sue, such as the amount of force powers he mastered, and the way he could heal himself and only needed a bacta tank once.