Thread:Sebolto/@comment-104549-20180730232014/@comment-1998339-20180731010527

Hey! Basically, I saw you copy edit that work yesterday in Recent Changes & decided to just casually read a section to see what it was about. Based on the quality of chapter 10, I decided the whole work was worth a read.

I've not read the complete series yet but I'll include a little feedback here anyway. As with my Wiki Awards review, take this with a grain of salt. I haven't read any of your works in the proper order & I haven't finished reading the series yet, so my view is based almost entirely on the context provided in the novella. That said, I genuinely enjoyed it. The setting was lovingly fleshed out & the action was perfectly paced. In short, it was immersive to the point that I actually forgot I was reading a fan fiction work.

The only thing I found disappointing was the single chapter description of Alecto's progression through the Abbattoir's levels 4 & 5. Now, given her natural physical abilities (as discussed & admittedly justified in Chekhov's gun style in the earlier chapter describing how those abilities assisted her in her childhood training), it makes sense that she could overcome a challenge aimed at testing the physical abilities of a less agile species. However, despite the fact that it logically follows, I still found myself disappointed. I enjoyed seeing Alecto meet, consider, & overcome the different types of challenges faced in the progression, so I felt a bit cheated by a single chapter's summary of not one but two levels (especially given all the detail lavished in the preceding levels). The flying reptile with the key was very Harry Potter-esque & I wanted to hear more about this level & the hunting abilities required to proceed.

The only other issues I had were related to the various Sith Lords mentioned in passing at the council meeting. Same problem as with Second Chance here; I had to probe your expansive article collection for character summaries. I understand this work is part of a series, so the use of ancillary characters that likely play bigger parts in other installments is justifiable. However, it was confusing to try to keep track of which Sith were which without much context, particularly when two possess names of similar lengths both beginning with "V." I don't really think I can pin the blame for any of this on you though. It was my stupid decision to read the series out of order in piecemeal fashion. (:

All in all, I honestly enjoyed it. You definitely have a gift for dramatic pacing & believable worldbuilding. I look forward to reading the rest of the series. Whenever I get around to completing my readthrough, I'd be glad to give you my collected thoughts then.