Star Wars Fanon:Featured articles/Nominations

A Featured article is an article that represents the best that Star Wars Fanon has to offer. Out of articles on this wiki, less than fifty are currently Featured Articles. Articles that no longer meet the criteria can be proposed for improvement or removal by the Council of Seers. A Featured article is also an article that adheres to a certain standard of quality that is higher than the standard of quality for Good articles. In order to become a Featured article, an article must first be voted as a Star Wars Fanon Good article. It should be of a very detailed and of substantial length, long enough to promote every single detail about the subject, though short enough to where it does not become a hassle to read it or edit it.

For more information on what makes a featured article, see our Featured Article requirements.

Nomination
In order to be considered for Featured article status, an article must reach Good article status by being voted upon by the Council of Seers and the membership of Star Wars Fanon. Once an article has become a Good article, the author of the article must nominate the article for Featured article status on their own accord. The nominated template will also be added at the top of the Good articles that are nominated.

Voting
The Council of Seers, and they alone, will vote on each nomination. They will review by adding comments, critique, and feedback on the articles up for nomination. They will vote on whether or not the article is of Featured article quality, and once at least six of the ten members of the Council of Seers approve of the article, the article will become featured.

If for whatever reason the author(s) of a Featured article nominee become(s) inactive and the objections of the Council of Seers remain uncorrected, the article will be removed from the nominations list and moved to the list of rejected nominations. Once the author returns, they may re-nominate the article if they intend to correct the objections.

Approved articles
If an article is voted in by the Council of Seers, it will be added to the list of featured articles, the upcoming article queue, and to the history of featured articles.

Approve

 * 1) Good job. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 18:03, 9 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Resigned as a Decreton Lord, so he is not a member of the Council of Seers. Therefore, the vote is invalid. - Brandon Rhea (talk) (contribs) 02:26, 7 October 2008 (UTC)

Objections

 * 1) It's a good article, with promise, but I don't think it's FA material quite yet. There are a few things that can be done to make the article better. Here's a list of the most obvious things:
 * 2) * Remove the bullet points from the infobox; they're not needed.
 * 3) * In the infobox, add to the "Personal information" section, or hide it (insert hidep=yes).
 * 4) * Expand, or merge as appropriate, all sections with the possible exception of The Brotherhood of Darkness.
 * 5) * Expand Legacy, Personality and traits and Talents and abilities.
 * 6) * Put a bullet point in the BtS section, or remove it completely.
 * 7) * Fix the categorization.
 * 8) * Fix punctuation in the introduction.
 * 9) * Thats all I can find for the time being. Darth Abeonis Sith Council Sith Campaign 22:17, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
 * Done and done [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] My page iChat What I've done 20:05, 25 March 2008 (UTC) 08:51, 28 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Dangerously near Mary Sue.
 * 3) * None of the images are properly sourced. Solus  (Bird of Prey)  20:48, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **Fixed the images, but I disagree with the first one. How do you believe it's a Mary Sue, and how do you believe I could rectify this? [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 16:46, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ***Um...let's see how I can explain this.
 * 6) ***#Respect from a well-known canon character has potential for Mary Sue, unless handled right. Love from a well-known canon character automatically adds a whole lot of Mary Sue points - there are next to no exceptions of that rule of thumb.
 * 7) ***#Visiting well-known planets has potential for Mary Sue. Visiting a well-known planet that no one is supposed to have visited, that almost no one knows about, and doing something important there adds loads of MS points.
 * 8) ***#Having an army has potential for Mary Sue. Suddenly getting an army adds many MS points. Suddenly getting an army that can challenge a well-known government is an automatic MS point jackpot.
 * 9) ***#There are several other minor things, but that's the major stuff. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:58, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) ***#* I see. How would you propose I change this without actually screwing up the storyline and would you believe it to be too MS for the other DL's to support? [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 17:02, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ***#**I don't know, on either count. For the first, either somewhat of a rewrite or scrappage is in order, but I don't suggest the latter, the article has potential. As for the other DLs, how about you ask them? I can't speak for them all. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:05, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) ***#***I see. I'll wait to see what the other DL's think first. [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 17:11, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) I agree with Solus on what he's currently said about Mary Sue characteristics. This is my opposition until I read through this article again to see if it's up to standards in other regards. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom) (Record) 16:44, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) **I see. May I point out, however, that someone has to lead an army and there does have to be a leader? [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 09:18, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) JM76's comments
 * 16) * The whole intro paragraph is very comma-abusive. Maybe its just personal preference, but the less commas, the better. Many of the long sentences could be easily split into smaller sentences.
 * 17) *The "Force" should always be capitalized.
 * 18) *"Merkory completed this mission with ease..." PoV
 * 19) *"It was estimated that Merkory slew one hundred and eleven Sith that day." By his lonesome? That's a bit of a stretch, considering you're fighting in close-quarters against armed and trained Sith warriors who could be using anything from lightsabers to heavy repeaters.
 * 20) *"Merkory was powerful and fought well, but the Sith Lord easily overpowered him..." easily is PoVish.
 * 21) *"Vires couldn't see his face beneath the armor, but, as the fight escalated, Eldorio managed to slice the face part of the armor off, revealing Merkory beneath." Might want to fix that, it seems to imply that Eldorio is wearing armor.
 * You'll also want to change "couldn't" to "could not". - Brandon Rhea (talk) (contribs) 02:26, 7 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *Very bare BtS. &mdash;  JM ' 76 ' Ask Archives [[Image:Sabersmilyjm76.jpg|18px]] 02:22, 7 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) **Those issues are solved. I'll do the BtS soon. --[[Image:Darth tom sig.png|100px]] (talk) (contributions) 08:55, 18 October 2008 (UTC)

Approve

 * 1) &mdash;  JM ' 76 ' Ask Archives [[Image:Sabersmilyjm76.jpg|18px]] 07:28, 26 October 2008 (UTC)

Objections

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) Image:EsCape.jpg is not sourced properly.
 * 3) Personality is Mary Sue-ish. - Solus  (Bird of Prey)  16:35, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *Sorted out the first one, but no idea what you mean by the second. Mind elaborating? [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 09:19, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) JM76's comments
 * 6) * Bare BtS. Looks good besides that. &mdash;  JM ' 76 ' Ask Archives [[Image:Sabersmilyjm76.jpg|18px]] 19:06, 12 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Sorted that. Is it to your satisfaction? --[[Image:Darth tom sig.png|100px]] (talk) (contributions) 12:16, 25 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) Review…
 * 9) *Infobox: Remove the "birth/death" fields - it is completely redundant and useless to tell us "unknown". Also, why isn't her full name in the infobox?
 * 10) *Introduction: "Sela was born into a small but powerful southern clan"; POV in powerful, just remove it. "she was thrown out of this village"; Say 'that' as opposed to 'this', and always remember to stay in 3rd person as opposed to 1st or 2nd. The next sentence, just like the preceding one, starts with "Eventually"; that gets redundant, so think of another way to word it. "Eventually, Trom framed her"; A little context on what she was framed for would be helpful. Remember, encyclopedic articles aren't supposed to be mysterious and are supposed to be about facts. "to find another House of Light"; Pops out of nowhere because there is no context on why it's another House of Light. Give context or simply remove "another". "Sela was captured by Trom once more, but was able to escape. After escaping, She and Hath married." Just like that huh? Give some context (at least) on where she escaped from or something, otherwise, saying she was captured and then (immediately) escaped doesn't help the intro. "Finally, they realized that they couldn’t complete their quest and Sela, who by now had become pregnant, was instructed to go to Dantooine to give birth to their son by Hath, who revealed to her that he was really The Light." First off, run on sentence. Secondly, who are "they"? No context on who they are. So like I said, it's a run on sentence, so please break it up for clearer reading. "Danreb eventually killed her."; Please say "killed Sela Kerroro".
 * 11) *Judging from this so far, this won't be a pleasant review. I remember reviewing this a long time ago and this still has a bunch of errors, so I will fully review later. --Victortalk 23:12, 27 October 2008 (UTC)

Comments
Another one. -- iChat What I've done 08:27, 9 July 2008 (UTC)

Will read this soon. Long article; looks like you did a good job with it. Drewton  ( Drewton's Holocron ) 01:14, 7 October 2008 (UTC)


 * I'm sure this wasn't your intention, but let's be sure not to say that just because an article is long it is therefore an article of quality. There are plenty of long articles on this wiki that are just absurd. - Brandon Rhea (talk) (contribs) 02:28, 7 October 2008 (UTC)
 * I'd looked over it and so hadn't based my opinion simply on length. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 02:37, 7 October 2008 (UTC)

Approve

 * 1) Yes.  Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 14:26, 9 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Striking until Brandon's objections are adressed. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 15:54, 14 November 2008 (UTC)

Objections

 * 1) From the surrounded and embattled desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * "Although the battle did not massively impact on the course of the war," POV.
 * 3) * "the Necasian Military had was in minor turmoil" Wording.
 * 4) * "Rich in resources, Kothlis was providing a stable supply of resources and was also a strategic point, being a potential staging ground for attack on key Srav worlds." Long and awkward sentence.
 * 5) * "radiation weaponry" This is awkward also.
 * 6) * Consistently decapitalize archipelago.
 * 7) * "Kurtev and Drakuv tanks mopped up," Mopped up what?
 * 8) * "A NHD-52577" Contextify this.
 * 9) * "group of Necasian swordfish hydrofoils " Capitalize?
 * 10) * "A few of the remaining Necasian divers managed to destroy a few more of" This overruse of "few" is annoying. Reword.
 * 11) * " but this time the Necasians were better dug in and prepared. " You state this at the end of every section, or so it seems. It's annoying, and doesn't help deter the notion that this article is written like a narration of a bloody strategy game.
 * 12) * Italicize class names of capital warships, like that frigate.
 * 13) * Remove the inane quotes. All of them. You know what I mean.
 * 14) * Will finish this later. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:22, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) **Addressed the above, save the radiation bombs. They're bombs that emit radiation, which is why they called so. Unit 8311 19:59, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * Looks good otherwise mechanically. However, I'd like the Srav retreat cleared up and expanded&mdash;it's a major plot hole right now. You say it was hasty, but you also say that they did a lot of sabotage and stuff. If they're getting hit by a massive air attack, they shouldn't have the time for that. Also, how did they get back to their initial landing site under constant air attack? Was it a Highway of Death ala Kuwait 1991? Did they set up a new landing site?
 * 17) * The first paragraph of the BtS needs utterly redone. "Originally, it was meant to be little more than an average battle article, similar to others such as the Battle of Raxus Prime and other articles, before 8311 proposed that they should raise it to good article status, making it, if it was successful, the second Project Cruentus good and by extension featured article." Massive run-on. Refer to users by their full username.
 * 18) * " This reflected by the Srav strategy used in the article" Fragment/missing word.
 * 19) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 00:01, 11 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) **Sorted the top one and to a lesser extent the bottom. Tom promised to get round to the BTS soon. Unit 8311 20:24, 11 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) From the entirely overrun Resolute Desk of Brandon Rhea
 * 22) * Please use the Title template to display the title as "Battle of Kothlis".
 * 23) * The introduction is only 153 words long. That's 97 words short of what is required for Featured Article status.
 * 24) *As required by the Featured article requirements, all war and battle articles need a Legacy section. This article currently does not have one. Please take note that Aftermath sections and Legacy sections are two entirely different things.
 * 25) *The current state of the Behind the scenes section is obvious: it was written with a minimal amount of effort with the intention to "just get by", but it's not going to "just get by". There's too much information that you can expand upon. What constitutes an average battle article? Why did you propose to raise it to Good article standards and status? As a note, the section is now written as if the article is not yet a Good article. You’ll need to rewrite that to indicate that it is now officially the second Cruentus Good article. Carrying on, “major work” is POV, and you should be stating what type of work it was. How did you decide to split up the work? Who came up with the storyline? Why did you choose that particular storyline? Describe how Island hoping and Iowa Jima inspired this article. Why did Tom choose Requiem of a Dream as inspiration? What type of inspiration did it give him? How did it “help him a lot”. As for the final sentence, “merely” is POV. What type of written sources did Unit use as inspiration? Why did he choose not to use music unlike Tom who did? Why did you choose these written sources? How did they help you? You need to greatly expand upon this section using basically everything I said in this objection.
 * 26) *This is just a minor list for now. I have about two pages left in line-by-line editing for this, at which point I'll most more objections. Most of them also have to do with a lack of detail and explanation in certain areas. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 19:35, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) **Addressed the above. I've expanded the BTS, but tom will also be adding his part, so if you think it's still inadequate then don't worry. Unit 8311 20:13, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * It's definitely still inadequate, but Tom told me on IRC just now that he would be expanding it more. As of right now, though, it's still a fairly "epic meh". You're also still short on the introduction. If you read the requirements, you'll see that it requires 250 words. We only required 200 in the old standards. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 20:15, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Damn, I should have paid more attention in maths lessons. Anyway, the intro problem is sorted now. Unit 8311 20:23, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Alright, I've struck that objection, but I added another one. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 20:28, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) **Again, tom asked to leave a legacy section to him. Unit 8311 20:24, 11 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Leg section has been added. Unit 8311 (Talk) 20:07, 23 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **BTS has been expanded to suffice. All current complaints addressed. Unit 8311 [[Image:1110 Big small.jpg|20px]] Talk!  18:30, 3 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Per above. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  11:19, 15 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Images are a bit small. That's my only complaint. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 01:18, 7 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *Sorted that too. Unit 8311 [[Image:1110 Big small.jpg|20px]] Talk!  13:37, 9 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) Alright, here’s more of my review.
 * Introduction:
 * 1) *“Kothlis was rich in resources and also a strategically located point” – who was it strategic to?
 * 2) *“attempted to mount a solid defense” – what defines “solid”? Could be POV.
 * 3) *“For two days they held out” – poorly worded. First, who is “they”? Second, it’s just awkward wording. Change it to “They held out for two days”, and be sure to specify who “they” are.
 * 4) *“For two days they held out, fighting on land, sea, and air, with the Sravs gradually pushing forward along the Archipelago using island-hopping tactics, until the arrival of the Necasian fighter ace Renard Curl, who, along with accompanying reinforcements, turned the tide of the battle.” – kind of goes on and on and on. Split into two or more sentences (however many are needed, really).
 * 5) *“The Sravs were pushed into retreat by his onslaught, but much of the Necasian infrastructure in the archipelago was wrecked by them as they pushed back.” – few things in this. First, rather than “but”, you should use something more like “although”. Second, when you say “was wrecked by them”, it is unclear as to who the “them” are. Is it the Sravs or the Necasians?
 * 6) *“Although the battle was not considered to have been one that massively impacted the course of the war” – awkward wording. I’d suggest, “although the battle was not considered to have largely impacted the course of the war”.
 * Prelude:
 * 1) *What was the Skirmish in Ilatas? Context needed.
 * 2) *“Following the Skirmish in Ilatas, the Necasian military's upper circles were in turmoil, following the dissolution of the alliance with the Zayre and the panic over the Death's Tongue Militia spreading” – poorly worded, because of the “following” things. Change it to “Following the Skirmish in Ilatas, the dissolution of the alliance with the Zayre and the panic over the Death’s Tongue Militia spreading, the Necasian military’s upper circles were in turmoil”.
 * 3) *Also with that sentence, give context to every faction and event mentioned in it. Don’t assume we know what you’re talking about, because to most readers they are not going to know what those things are.
 * 4) *“Realizing that he had been somewhat over reliant on the Zayre” – again, context needed. I have no idea what this means, nor does a random reader. You also need to say who Askar is.
 * 5) *Like in the introduction, why was Kothlis a strategic point, and to whom was it strategic? Also, why did the Necasian commanders consider it a potential staging ground for an attack on key Srav worlds? Without knowing anything about their proximity, this could be confusing. I mean, for all we know, Kothlis is in the SarahPalinCanSeeRussiaFromHerHouse galaxy and the Srav worlds are hidden behind Mars.
 * 6) *“and the setup of several new NHD-52577 artillery platforms on each of the islands” – this is the first I’ve heard of any islands. Context, context, context!
 * 7) *Why did the Sravs have their eyes on Kothlis?
 * 8) *“decided that now was the time to attack” – now? Well, now is approximately 10:50am Eastern Standard Time on Friday, November 14, 2008. I think you know where I’m going with this.
 * 9) *“the top Srav commander” – top can mean many things. Does it mean he’s the best, or does it mean he’s the highest ranking? If it’s the former then it’s POV, and if it’s the latter then it needs to be clarified.
 * 10) *“instructing them to commence with their pre-planned sabotage, which they did” – take out the “which they did”. The carrying-out of the sabotage is covered in the following sentences.
 * 11) *What are the Necasian early-warning systems and how were they disabled? If these are the sensors talked about in the tropical storm part, specify that.
 * 12) *What in the SarahPalinCanSeeRussiaFromHerHouse galaxy is a Klasnost-class transport? Context!
 * 13) *“The Necasian early-warning systems were disabled, allowing a Srav fleet of Klasnost-class transports, positioned not far from the planet, to enter the atmosphere, aiming for a landing site on the lightly-defended southernmost island of the archipelago, in a large caldera” – break that up into at least two sentences. It runs on.
 * 14) *What’s the length of time between the first mention of the tropical storm and the time that the storm passes? It seems to imply that it’s very quick, but tropical storms last for quite awhile. This needs clarification.
 * 15) *More to come later. If the above is any indication, then there will be MUCH more to come. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 15:52, 14 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) **Sorted that, but I don't think I need to explain what a Klasnost-class transport is. Any monkey can tell that it's a transport ship just from the name, and if they want more information they can just click on the link. Nonetheless, please continue. Unit 8311 [[Image:1110 Big small.jpg|20px]] Talk!  17:12, 14 November 2008 (UTC)
 * From “The Srav landings”:
 * 1) *Put a period at the end of the sentences in every image caption. Just because it’s in a caption doesn’t change the fact that it’s a sentence.
 * 2) *You say “as they descended”. Who are “they”?
 * 3) *Don’t just say “Klasnosts”. For example, if I was referring to the Delta-7 Aethersprite-class light interceptor, I wouldn’t just say “Aethersprite”.
 * 4) *“Using information gleaned from maps” - prosey. Also, when did they find these maps and how did they find them? Context please.
 * 5) *Speaking of context, you’re mentioning a lot of craft names and names of artillery and such. It’s especially important that you give context on these considering you’re not linking to them.
 * 6) *“By now, the remaining Necasians on the island were aware of the Srav invaders” - now is shortly after midnight on Sunday, November 16, 2008.
 * 7) *“The Sravs had the clear advantage: they were well-dug in, with good intelligence and superior firepower, but by now” - “clear advantage” is POV, “good intelligence” is POV, and “now” is shortly after midnight on Sunday, November 16, 2008.
 * 8) *More to come. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 05:15, 16 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) **Sorted. Unit 8311 [[Image:1110 Big small.jpg|20px]] Talk!  10:47, 16 November 2008 (UTC)
 * From “The Necasian defence”:
 * 1) *Change “defence” to “defense” in the section title.
 * 2) *“who were by now well-entrenched” - again with the “now”.
 * 3) *“did little damage” - poor wording. Change it to “caused little damage”.
 * 4) *“In response, Vlad directed” - this is more personal preference, but because this isn’t an article about a character you should be using last names rather than first names.
 * 5) *“Remembering his orders to keep...” - when were these orders given?
 * 6) *“from simply bombarding” - I see what you’re getting at, but it’s borderline POV.
 * 7) *“which by now was ready” - again with the “now”.
 * 8) *“Desperately trying to stop it” - POV.
 * 9) *The sentence beginning with “desperately trying to stop it” and ending with “landing force took them out” is a borderline run-on sentence. I suggest breaking it up into two.
 * 10) *“stubborn Necasian resistance” - POV.
 * 11) *“sheer size of the landing force” - prosey.
 * 12) *“but soon mortar fire from Zabas and the sheer size of the landing force mad sure that the resistance at the beach was cleared out soon” - soon, I suggest you soon find a better word than soon, or else soon you’ll find yourself being redundant soon.
 * 13) *“which they had to take intact” - why?
 * 14) *“which bogged down his tank” - borderline prosey.
 * 15) *“Natural hazards and Necaisn booby traps” - Necasian is spelled wrong, and you need to say what these hazards and traps are.
 * 16) *“their incessant bites” - prosey.
 * 17) *“Despite these obstacles, however” - the “however” is redundant.
 * 18) *“Now in control of the second island” - again with the “now”.
 * 19) *“By now, however” - again with the “now”. I sense a pattern.
 * 20) *“Askar was planning counterattacks and contingency plans” - poorly worded. For example, if you take out the “counterattacks” part, it would read “planning contingency plans”. Reword it to say something to the effect of, “was planning counterattacks and drafting contingency plans”.
 * 21) *“determined to let the Sravs proceed no further” - poor wording. Change it to “determined to not let the Sravs proceed any further”.
 * 22) *More to come. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:56, 16 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) **Done. However, I don't see a problem with the use of 'now' as in 'now at so-and-so place', as it still suits a past tense. Unit 8311 [[Image:1110 Big small.jpg|20px]] Talk!  18:16, 16 November 2008 (UTC)

Comments
Second PC FAN. -- <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contributions) 20:04, 8 September 2008 (UTC)

Approve

 * 1) Yes. Great job with the lightsaber blades, as well.  Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 03:06, 18 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Striking until Victor's objections are addressed. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 02:44, 23 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Very good job. Nicely detailed, informative, and neatly edited. --[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 18:13, 19 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *Nullifying my vote per the objections in Vic's review. --[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 03:27, 23 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) - Solus  (Bird of Prey)  18:33, 20 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *Per Vic's objections. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:18, 23 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) -- [[Image:Darth tom sig.png|100px]] <font color="#000001">(talk) <font color="#000001">(contributions) 07:02, 22 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *You guys should really take a look at the objections below; your votes of approval are outdated. :P --Victortalk 02:18, 23 October 2008 (UTC)

Objections

 * 1) From Drewton's holocron:
 * 3,872 BBY needs to be linked to.
 * 1) *It should be said in the introduction that Cyril Ahlen Khan was a Jedi.
 * 2) *Since this is a lightsaber form article, a lightsaber really needs to be shown. I'll add lightsaber blades via Photoshop for you if you want.
 * 3) *"Independent" doesn't count as an affiliation. Assuming that's not an actual organization.
 * 4) *"Also, the form had interchangeable blocks and strikes." Would better read as "the form had interchangeable blocks and strikes also".
 * 5) *Cyril Ahlen Khan needs to be linked to in "History".
 * 6) *Jedi Order should be linked to in the same section.
 * 7) *A lot of sentences should be combined. For example, "and" should be used here: "Cyril did not want his unique form to become too well known. He started a tradition of teaching the style to the eldest son, Force sensitive or not, to be carried on into the future."
 * 8) *"Hayai Oujou was an overwhelming opponent in combat." It's not really an opponent.
 * Drewton [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 00:54, 14 October 2008 (UTC)
 * *I have worked on the written mistakes and edited them. I will work on editing the screenshots. However, I would like to keep at least one picture without a lightsaber blade edited in, if I may, to present the idea that the form can be used with a normal blade as well. Cyril Khan (Talk) 02:00, 16 October 2008 (UTC)
 * I've put in some pictures that have the lightsaber blades edited in. Cyril Khan (Talk) 02:56, 18 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Let's begin. Anyone who says they reviewed this lied, because there are quite a handful of errors here. just in the intro section.
 * 2) *From the introductory section (infobox, introduction, etc.)
 * 3) **Hide the "Description" field in the infobox since it is unused.
 * 4) **Under "Affiliation", is it "Jedi" or "Jedi Order"? I think "Order" would be more accurate.
 * 5) **"from the forms, Makashi, Soresu, Ataru, Juyo, and Sokan"; No comma after "forms"
 * 6) **"the combat form took a unique route when it started to appear identical to Niman"; First off, unique is POV, and secondly, that sentence is contradictory. How can it be unique yet be just like another form at the same time? Clarify.
 * 7) **"Khan kept the techniques he had put into his style, but he modified the execution and application of them." Sentence feels misplaced because it provides no new information and is basically redundant - we already assume, should assume, and have been told this in preceding sentences.
 * 8) **"It harnessed swift and unpredictable strikes that overwhelmed the opposition" That whole sentence is full of POV. Swift, unpredictable, overwhelmed. Clean it up or kill it. Now you're just glorifying the form needlessly.
 * 9) **"One important advantage of the style was the use of never ending momentum"; Advantage is POV, plus that doesn't even seem like an advantage. More like a trait of the attack or style, skill.
 * 10) **"without stopping or hesitating." Make it "without stopping or hesitation."
 * 11) **"The style seemed reckless, and when being used by an initiate or advanced student it very much was" POV unless you tell us why it was considered reckless. Not everyone could've considered it reckless, otherwise why use it?
 * 12) **"and grace the style needs"; tense, "needs" to needed
 * 13) **"The form had interchangeable blocks and strikes also. The statement," merge these sentences, otherwise that first one seems out of place and it becomes "stating the obvious."
 * 14) **"This does not apply to every technique, but it does to a great many." Fix the tense in that sentence.
 * 15) **"its graceful, never-ending motions" Graceful is POV, no matter how you word it, unless you state who directly believed it to be graceful. Just "for its never-ending motions" is good enough.
 * 16) **"When applied to the metal sword the form was swift and overpowering" Two things: comma after sword, and beyond that, it is POV again.
 * 17) **"The effects of using a lightsaber were then much more astonishing. " To whom? Otherwise, POV and kill it.
 * 18) **"Seeing a Jedi apply this style did not fully reveal the fact that the style was originally designed for the weighted sword. Only the blaster defense techniques revealed this detail." Combine these two sentences otherwise that first one ends up sounding redundant.
 * 19) **"Hayai Oujou was extremely vulnerable to ranged weapons." Remove extremely, POV.
 * 20) **"This weakness existed because a combatant with a weighted sword was not likely to stop the incoming fire anyway" Speculation. Make it fact or remove it entirely and rephrase.
 * 21) *From History; First off, before beginning, I'd like to point out the organization of this article is wrong. The sections "Grip", "Stance", "Offense", "Defense", "Weaknesses", and "Requirements" need to be merged with "Description"; "Applications" is the history, so these two titles are interchangeable. I prefer "Applications", but that's up to you, but basically "History" needs to be History or Applications, and all the stuff under the current Applications section needs to go under the description. So, now, onto the History section.
 * 22) **"primarily developed by Cyril Ahlen Khan when he was twelve." He only developed it when he was twelve or beginning from age twelve? Clarify.
 * 23) **"He had always wanted to create a unique style." Out of place, merge it with the preceding sentence.
 * 24) **"The process was long and painstaking," For whom? POV without telling us to whom.
 * 25) **"but the results were worth the effort." Again, POV unless you state for whom (Cyril is my educated guess)
 * 26) **"Cyril rapidly took his style in a unique direction." How is it "unique", otherwise that is POV.
 * 27) **"However, Cyril noticed the similarities between his creation and Form VI as well." out of place; what does that have to do with anything? Of course he will, he's creating the form off of it (if he wasn't, there is no way he'd know how to use it)
 * 28) **"The student suddenly shifted his route and began thinking differently about his style." This sentence should be merged with the preceding sentence (right above this) to clarify what the point of the preceding sentence was.
 * 29) **" the style had changed drastically from what it had originally been." Drastically is POV.
 * 30) **"The final phase of the creation of Hayai Oujou" The name pops out of nowhere. Give context on why it was chosen, what it means, when it was named as such.
 * 31) **"The weighted blade had modified the styles techniques in a unique way, and the form became extremely unpredictable as a result." This is extremely POV. Remove the POV; you would likely end up killing this sentence because it's just glorification.
 * 32) **"While the techniques would be recognizable, they had all been drastically modified as he developed Hayai Oujou." Drastically is POV (again)
 * 33) **"Cyril did not want his unique form" I think that works in too much POV. Instead, say his personal form or customized/custom form.
 * 34) **"to the eldest son"; to his eldest son? To the eldest son of the family? Please clarify, otherwise it sounds like just any eldest son.
 * 35) **"Force sensitive or not"; link and it should be written as Force-sensitive.
 * 36) **"too many beings to develop strong enough defenses against it" This sentence implies that some did develop defenses. So if that is so, who?
 * 37) **"The style, even though it faced large changes, never lost the melee dominance it originally had." Dominance is POV.
 * 38) *From current Description section:
 * 39) **"A master of Hayai Oujou could be an overwhelming opponent in combat." POV
 * 40) **"The unique style proved to be extremely powerful when used during the conflicts between" Lots of POV. You need to understand POV is not allowed. Stop glorifying the form and take a neutral stance on it. Just because you (or the users) see it that way does not mean it is true. No need to try and include gush in an article.
 * 41) **" The swift blade of the form’s master devastated single opponents and held off multiple foes with ease." Again, a bunch of POV. Plus, give proof (examples) of this or remove it otherwise, because I don't believe, especially with no proof. More gushing praise.
 * 42) **"was one of the best to choose" POV. Not everyone would say that, that's for sure.
 * 43) **"Hayai Oujou demonstrated its ability overpower any opposing melee style." POV, gush, no proof, etc.
 * 44) **"The form that had devastated the sword masters of the Sith and the Bendu was not invulnerable." Devastated is POV again.
 * 45) **"the style was extremely vulnerable to the incoming" More POV; remove extremely. Don't replace it with another fancy word, just remove it.
 * 46) **"This issue led the masters of the form to take on styles that were more effective against ranged combat" Funny, since earlier you said Hayai Oujou was the best choice. Here is proof why you don't use POV to gush over something.
 * 47) **" teach it to any one outside his family"; any one to anyone
 * 48) **"People had heard rumors of the Khan’s fighting style and they feared facing it." What people? Otherwise, POV gush.
 * 49) *More later - I will also review the "revised" intro later again because I can assure you it's still full of errors and POV, plus it's over the top in length.--Victortalk 21:20, 22 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) *From Grip
 * 51) **Combine "Holding the blade lightly allowed the user to execute more flexible strikes against an opponent. Stronger grips were used in defense." Otherwise second one sounds sudden and out of place.
 * 52) **Likewise with the following: "Hayai Oujou master had to move between the firm and light grips quickly. If any mistake were to occur in the transition, the hilt could easily be removed from the hand."
 * 53) **"are noted for losing their lightsaber on their own accord by a poor transfer"; Tense
 * 54) **"This was not to be unexpected form the form;" I think that should be "from the form", spelling. Also, unexpected to whom? Otherwise, POV.
 * 55) **"but added dramatic unpredictability" Gush POV.
 * 56) **"some people"; You mean some users? Please clarify.
 * 57) **" presented a huge adaptive ability and an overwhelming offense to face" More gush POV.
 * 58) *From Stance
 * 59) **"The Hayai Oujou stance usually remained completely constant in combat." I see what you mean, but it doesn't make sense. Maybe "constantly in motion during combat" would work, if that's what you're trying to get at.
 * 60) **Combine the three following sentences: " The form typically used a medium stance. The legs were spread at shoulder length. The forward leg was set forward at shoulder distance as well, so that the body could pivot to the side and maintain the same stance without moving any legs." Otherwise, one could get confused as to what a medium stance is and such. Your sentences need to transition better.
 * 61) **"In reality, the stance was the jack-of-all-trades." Oh wow, that's got to be the worst instance of gushing POV yet. Please kill that ridiculous sentence and reword the preceding one to include neutral context.
 * 62) **"The position allowed for wonderful balance, perfect maneuverability, and swift movements." All POV, gush, etc. Remove this.
 * 63) **"While the stance was the most consistent technique in Hayai Oujou, it was the most important." Reword; including "While" makes no sense and instead the two facts should be combined.
 * 64) **Combine: "Most would say a lighter stance would better fit the maneuverability the style needs. This belief was completely incorrect."
 * 65) *From Offense
 * 66) **"One technique could be executed in so many ways that it could become a form of its own." This is just gush unless you provide context on what this supposed technique was and how it worked.
 * 67) **"result in incapacitation and control cuts"; you mean "controlled cuts"? Tense?
 * 68) **"This is what made a seemingly, highly aggressive form into one usable by even pacifists." Such as who? No example, no sentence. As far as I can tell, Khan was not a pacifist.
 * 69) **"A user would strike at unimportant locations on an enemy"; POV, what makes "locations on an enemy" more important than others? Just remove unimportant altogether.
 * 70) **"These actions seemed rash at first" by whom and why? POV
 * 71) **"but they had an important role in the form." What is that "important" role and why, otherwise more POV.
 * 72) **"These seemingly worthless motions" to whom were they 'seemingly worthless'? I don't see it that way. POV.
 * 73) **"it required perfect precision and extreme flexibility" POV unless you explain why.
 * 74) **"he result was devastating; in the moment the weakness appeared, a Hayai Oujou master would have cut down the opponent" POV, and there is no way anything can always be successful. In its current form, there are no given flaws which makes this a bunch of gush.
 * 75) **" This strategy was very difficult to detect" POV, examples or retract this.
 * 76) **"useless strikes resembled the other offensive strategies" Useless if POV. Remove it or explain why it is "useless"./
 * 77) **Reword and combine with preceding sentences for context: "In the moment a learned opponent would become suspicious, the master user could instantly change into any other aggressive strategy of the form."
 * 78) *From Defense
 * 79) **"Hayai Oujou employed an interesting defense." More POV.
 * 80) **"The user would execute an avoid and evade stratagem" Redundancy; use either avoid or evade, they both mean the same thing.
 * 81) **"set up for a useful counterattack." Remove useful, POV, and needless.
 * 82) **"and an effective counterattack could be made." Remove effective, POV.
 * 83) **"The avoid and evade defense plan was quite brilliant." use one or the other, not both, and major gush POV. Kill that.
 * 84) **"A master of the style could beat nearly any opponent by using their momentum against them." Gush POV, no proof, not believable.
 * 85) **"that makes Hayai Oujou’s defense so effective;" First off, tense, and secondly, POV gush, yet again.
 * 86) **"A master who fought this way was powerful." Gush POV.
 * 87) **"it demonstrated the versatility of Haiyai Oujou." POV
 * 88) **" form extremely difficult to break as well as an offense that was hard to overcome." More POV
 * 89) **" though it was not terribly powerful." POV.
 * 90) **" It was difficult for the cone defense to work all the time" POV
 * 91) **"Because a metal blade couldn’t refract energy " couldn't to could not
 * 92) *From Requirements
 * 93) **"The Khan line was notorious" Notorious to who? Otherwise POV
 * 94) **"became much more dangerous and easier to use." POV
 * 95) **"A powerful hand to eye coordination was necessary," POV
 * 96) **"Also, the user had to be extremely flexible" POV, remove extremely
 * 97) **"The flexibility allowed for the unorthodox strategy the form used." POX; I don't see this as unorthodox, it seems just like any other lightsaber form.
 * 98) **" to be powerful rather than strength. " POV
 * 99) **" If muscles became so strong that speed was lost, the brawny user would lose a vital requirement." Brawny is POV
 * 100) **" on to the more complex style." POV
 * 101) *More later. --Victortalk 21:58, 22 October 2008 (UTC)

Comments
I will review this next. --Victortalk 00:52, 22 October 2008 (UTC)


 * I know this may sound selfish, but I would like to ask the rest of the Seers to please not vote in approval of this quite yet - tomorrow I will have this undergo an extensive review (as with all my reviews) and I don't want it to get approved with any errors (which I am not sure if it has any or not yet). --Victortalk 07:22, 22 October 2008 (UTC)

Well, I read over this article and didn't find anything, so I was about to give it the final approval vote it needs. I'm going to hold you to finishing it by the end of today, but after that I'll be voting in favor of it. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:20, 22 October 2008 (UTC)


 * I'm pretty sure there are enough objections from my review thus far (of the Intro and History sections) to warrant holding off the approval. This is not up to FA standards yet. --Victortalk 20:28, 22 October 2008 (UTC)
 * I'll get to work on this as soon as I can. Though, I am confused on how application and history are synonymous. Cyril Khan (Talk) 00:41, 23 October 2008 (UTC)
 * They aren't by individual definition, but "History" basically means the events of the past of something (in this case the lightsaber form, its conception, and its use) and Applications, in this case, represents when and where (and how) it was applied throughout said history. I said they are interchangeable because it's a matter of preference whether you want to use History or Applications; either is acceptable, as long as they are properly organized, per my objections above. Edit: Also, since other Seers are citing Wookieepedia featured articles as examples, take a look at Form IV: Ataru and Form V: Shien / Djem So, both featured lightsaber combat articles. --Victortalk 02:12, 23 October 2008 (UTC)


 * Applications being synonymous with History is Vic's preference, but you don't have to do that if you are really opposed to it. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 01:27, 23 October 2008 (UTC)

Approval

 * 1) As far as I know, it's been up to standards for a while now. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 16:44, 24 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Couldn't find anything worth objecting to. Nice work. Unit 8311 [[Image:1110 Big small.jpg|20px]] Talk!  16:24, 25 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:15, 11 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Yes. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 14:32, 14 November 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Yep. --[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 23:00, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

Objections

 * 1) From the Hitleresque Desk of Unit 8311:
 * 2) *'and was able to create one of the most powerful military forces the galaxy had ever seen'...to 'what was considered to be one of the most powerful'
 * Done.  Wing   msg 02:28, 26 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *I consider the art scuplture thing to be somewhat eyebrow-raising, as I can only imagine someone with extreme emotional problems running away from home because they messed up an art piece. However, I'll let it pass.
 * 2) *'Cos had average aim'...add 'compared to the other soldiers', just to be safe
 * Done.  Wing   msg 02:28, 26 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *'ministers took in turning the Republic into a reich of sorts.'...I'm not sure if reich is a good word, as I doubt the German language exists in SW. 'fascist dictatorship' might be better.
 * Done.  Wing   msg 02:28, 26 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *'Cos ruled the galaxy ruthlessly'...to 'was considered a ruthless leader'
 * Done.  Wing   msg 02:28, 26 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *'Another three years passed, when Imperial intelligence informed Cos that the Rebellion had relocated to a planet in the Outer Rim.'...change 'when' to 'then'. Looks better gramatically.
 * Done.  Wing   msg 02:28, 26 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *'Though, Jerjerrod was no Tarkin, and the station was not being completed on schedule'...'Jerjerrod was not considered as effecient as Tarkin' might be better.
 * Done.  Wing   msg 02:28, 26 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *'However, Cos' plan failed' add an extra 's' after Cos'
 * 2) *'Darth Vader was growing angry with Cos's poor military leadership of the Galactic Civil War'...'with what he considered to be Cos's poor military leadership'
 * Done.  Wing   msg 02:28, 26 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *'Cos's cruelty and evil was known by nearly all after his death', whoah, big POV here. Rewrite this sentence.
 * Done.  Wing   msg 02:28, 26 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *'Talents' section has some POV that you should easily spot and change. I can highlight it all for you if that's not the case, though.
 * Please highlight them.  Wing   msg 02:14, 30 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *In the end, though I'm not fond of rewritten canon characters, I can see this article being an FA. The above stuff I listed shouldn't be too difficult to sort. Unit 8311 [[Image:1110 Big small.jpg|20px]] Talk!  16:20, 25 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) From the politically re-imagined Resolute Desk of Brandon Rhea
 * 3) *I first want to mention that I made these objections nearly two months ago before the first nomination was rejected. They should have been taken care of before you nominated this again. But because they were not, here they are again.
 * 4) *Throughout the article, you repeat “Cos” over and over when saying things that Cos has done. I would suggest you find other words than “Cos” to say this, because although this is meant to be encyclopedic prose it could still read a little better in this regard.
 * On the topic of prose, I’ve removed a lot of the colorful prose that is best saved for a narrative piece rather than an encyclopedic article. I’ve also removed all instances of POV that I found when reading.
 * 1) *I’m not quite sure what I think about the surrender of the Mandalorians. Mandalorians will typically fight until the last man or until it’s clear that they absolutely cannot win. I don’t see how the loss of their capital world would do that based on the information you’ve given. It just doesn’t seem very honorable. I know this is an alternate take on the Star Wars film era, but you haven’t established that the Mandalorians in your fanon are any different than those in canon.
 * Done.  Wing   msg 21:51, 28 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *I have a hard time believing that everyone in the court would just rally around Cos’s speech, including the judges. There’s always people who will disagree. However, I was glad that even with this he was still sentenced to prison.
 * Done.  Wing   msg 21:51, 28 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *On the note of prison, nine months is a bit too early for parole on a five year sentence, don’t you think? It’s generally longer than that, I believe, especially if the crime is treason and conspiracy.
 * The six judges gave him a parole of nine months, believing in his ideals. They were the first of many government officials for Cos to sway into his cloud of lies.  Wing   msg 21:51, 28 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *I have a big problem with the part where he becomes Senator of Corell, and it’s mostly due to a startling lack of detail. First, why was he given parole? As for the election, why did the people vote in favor of him? How did he run his campaign? What was the competition like in the primaries? Who was his opponent? What was he/she like to run against? Was the race a landslide or was it a close race? What were the major issues of the campaign? What was Cos’s focus in the campaign (aka, like McCain’s “Country First” or Obama’s “Change We Can Believe In”)? As for his inauguration, the Governor didn’t do anything to try to prevent Cos from being elected and then inaugurated? The Governor didn’t make a public spectacle about how Cos shouldn’t be inaugurated? I don’t know about you, but I’d have a hard time inaugurating someone who tried to kill me.
 * Done.  Wing   msg 21:51, 28 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *In the first paragraph of the Clone Wars section alone, there is a total lack of context and detail in terms of major events. What was the Mandalorian threat? What type of intelligence did they receive to suggest that the Mandalorians were a threat to them again? Why did Cos vote to go to war? What evidence did he have to suggest that there should be a war against the Mandalorians? What type of measures did the Senate take to build up an army? Where did this clone army come from? Finally, after answering all of this, why did the Senate finally agree to declare war?
 * Done.  Wing   msg 02:12, 30 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *Once again, there is a total lack of detail in terms of the election, this time for Supreme Chancellor. First, who was the sitting Supreme Chancellor? How did he run his campaign? Was the race a landslide or was it a close race? What were the major issues of the campaign? What was Cos’s focus in the campaign (aka, like McCain’s “Country First” or Obama’s “Change We Can Believe In”)? What was the focus of his two opponents? There needs to be a lot more detail here.
 * Done.  Wing   msg 02:12, 30 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *You say that Cos pleaded for “more” emergency powers? When did he receive emergency powers in the first place? Remember, emergency powers are not inherent in the position of a government executive like this, so you need to address how he first got them.
 * Sorry, that was a typo. Fixed.  Wing   msg 02:12, 30 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *After spending so much time stating how Cos was always so big on ensuring the best things possible for the Republic, I’m concerned with the lack of detail on why he would prolong the war and why he wanted more emergency powers.
 * Done.  Wing   msg 02:12, 30 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *You ended one sentence saying that many more Republic worlds were captured, but began the next one by saying that it appeared the Republic would win without explaining the turn of events. I don’t see how you can jump a year and a half between two sentences. Surely important things must have happened then?
 * Done.  Wing   msg 02:12, 30 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *Get rid of the "Styles of Address" section. It's totally irrelevant.
 * Done.  Wing   msg 23:02, 27 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *More will come later. As it stands, while I’m intrigued by the storyline, this is nowhere near Featured article quality. There are too many points of detail lacking throughout the article, as evident above, and I just don’t think it’s very well written. The prose is very shaky and unengaging. It’s hard to explain, but I think you need to steer clear of some of the parts that are more suited for a narrative and just make the prose a bit more compelling. I mentioned the thing above about how you should find another way to refer to Cos than just “Cos”, but also the sentence structure and grammar also needs a lot of improvement. This may need a total rewrite, though I haven’t finished it yet so it may not need a total one. We’ll see how the rest is once you get to these. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 18:27, 25 October 2008 (UTC)

Comments
Alright, I am ready for this to be critiqued for Featured Article status.  Wing   msg 14:32, 25 October 2008 (UTC)
 * Done with Unit's, will do Bac's complaints soon.  Wing   msg 15:09, 26 October 2008 (UTC)

Fixed all of Bac's complaints.  Wing   msg 02:14, 30 October 2008 (UTC)


 * I'll take a look at your corrections tomorrow. On another note, if you're going to put "done" or whatever underneath every objection, please properly format the indentation of your comments. I shouldn't have to do that for you. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 02:28, 30 October 2008 (UTC)
 * Oops, sorry.  Wing   msg 02:35, 30 October 2008 (UTC)

Fixed some more tweaks yesterday.  Wing   msg 22:12, 4 November 2008 (UTC)

Can I get some more feedback, please?  Wing   msg 17:23, 16 November 2008 (UTC)

Comments

 * Awaiting any objections. Unit 8311 [[Image:1110 Big small.jpg|20px]] Talk!  19:45, 9 November 2008 (UTC)

Approve

 * 1) I would wait until you had more of the story done, but no objections. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 14:29, 14 November 2008 (UTC)

Comments
As per usual. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 04:42, 14 November 2008 (UTC)