User talk:Darth Void

Talk Archive I •

RE: Raptor
There are still some issues throughout the article that need to be corrected:


 * You need to go through the whole article and make sure that it is written in past tense. For example, in the introduction where it says: “It can be said that his skills at bounty hunting rival that of Jango Fett.” – It should instead say something along these lines: “It was said that his skills at bounty hunting may have rivalled that of Jango Fett.”


 * In the “Role in the war” section, I suggest that you go through it and make sure that you use proper grammar, particularly the usage of full stops and commas.
 * For example: “During Darth Prone's Campaign Raptor was hired as a...” – In this case, there should be a comma after “Campaign”.
 * As another example: “Raptor and Kaan heard a lightsaber and Raptor told Kaan to go and with that he confronted the Sith.” – That sentence is worded somewhat awkwardly. I suggest rewording it so that it says something alone these lines: “After hearing a lightsaber, Raptor told Kaan to go, and with that, Raptor confronted the Sith.”

Please note that these are just examples. You need to go through the whole article and make sure that any similar errors to the examples that I pointed out are fixed. Thank you. - Nacen (Talk) 14:18, 29 May 2009 (UTC)

More in the “Role in the war” section:


 * “Raptor was always at Darth Cognitum's side,” - There should be a full stop at the end of that rather than a comma.
 * “during a raid on the Jedi Citadel Darth Cognitum confronted…” - There should be a comma after “Citadel”.
 * “Raptor walked into the room and shot Cognitum, the shot killed him.” – You should put a semicolon after “Cognitum” rather than a comma, like this: “''Raptor walked into the room and shot Cognitum; the shot killed him.'”
 * “Jul pulled Raptor from the wreckage,” - There should be a full stop at the end of that rather than a comma.
 * “and durasteel had pierced his right eye, and he had a chunk of durasteel 8 pilks from his heart.” – I suggest that you put a full stop after “right eye” and start a new sentence so that it says something along the lines of: “He also had a chunk of durasteel 8 pilks from his heart.” Also, the last bit about his heart is a bit difficult to understand. Were you trying to say that he had the durasteel removed from his heart, or just that they were in his heart? Regardless, you need to be clearer about what you’re trying to imply there.

Once you have fixed those issues, two other random users will need to check the article and approve of it before the templates can be removed. I'll put a message for that on the talk page of the article once you have made the corrections. - Nacen (Talk) 15:34, 29 May 2009 (UTC)

RE: Mass Deletion for Raptor
i have looked through your Raptor article and changed a few little mistakes  Mal-Man (who insists that you call him the mad hatter)  communicate 16:09, 29 May 2009 (UTC)

i will look through all my articles and send you some links ok and if you feel like adding anything to my articles feel free to do so  Mal-Man (who insists that you call him the mad hatter)  communicate 11:40, 30 May 2009 (UTC)

RE: Darth AT-AT Deletion
Okay, first of all, in the introduction of the article, the name of the character needs to be bolded. The name does not need to be bolded in the “Biography” section as you have already done. Second, since the name of the article is “Darth AT-AT,” you need to mention that in the introduction and also indicate that “Ronin Allster” was his original name. If the character’s name was Darth AT-AT when he died, then that name needs to mentioned first and bolded. His original name needs to be bolded as well. To clarify, you would have to put something along the lines of: “Darth AT-AT, formally known as Ronin Allster, was a Jedi Knight who turned to the dark side....”

Another thing I’ve noticed is that there are a few out-of-universe remarks that do not belong within an in-universe article. For example, where you put: “He chose his name after the Empire's four-legged machine of terror.” – You need to change that so that it says something along the lines of “He named himself after the four-legged vehicles of war utilized by the .”

Finally, the article needs to be written from a neutral point of view. For example, in the “Personality and traits” section where it says “Ronin went from a kind and caring individual to Darth AT-AT, an evil and uncaring individual” – You need to alter that so that it says something along the lines of “Ronin went from a supposedly kind and caring individual to Darth AT-AT, and was ultimately regarded as an evil and uncaring individual by those who knew him.”

In order to fully clarify what is wrong with the article, you’ll need to contact Brandon Rhea, since he is the one who tagged it for deletion. He is currently away, however, so I’m afraid you'll have to wait until Sunday, 31st May for a reply from him. - Nacen (Talk) 19:50, 29 May 2009 (UTC)


 * Okay, though just to point out one mistake you've made: when I said the "introduction", I was referring to the first piece of text in the article, the part which currently says "Ronin Allster was a Jedi Knight that turned to the darkside and was redeemed during Darth Prone's Campaign." That is the part which needs to have both of the character's names mentioned and bolded. The character's name does not need to be bolded in the "Biography" section. - Nacen (Talk) 20:35, 29 May 2009 (UTC)

Darth AT-AT has been added to my list of articles to review and I will do so as soon as possible. - Brandon Rhea  (talk) 00:17, 3 June 2009 (UTC)

Warning: Image sourcing
Hello, Void! Please read our image policy. In it, you will find that all images uploaded onto the Star Wars Fanon Wiki must be properly sourced using the guidelines and specifications found in that policy. The sourcing is done through the use of the information template, which you can find out more about in the image policy and which you can find at Special:Upload where you upload your images. Sourcing your images is mandatory in accordance with United States Federal Copyright Law which, as a member of a Wikia Wiki, you are required to follow even if you do not live in the United States, as Wikia servers are located in the United States. Therefore, after taking a few minutes to read the policy, please source the following images you uploaded:


 * File:800px-Yodalukedagobah.jpg

This all applies to any images you upload after this warning as well. You have until 4:20pm Eastern Standard Time on Tuesday, June 9th to source these images or they will be deleted. If you upload anymore unsourced images after I leave this warning, you will be subject to a short block from editing in accordance with our policies. Because we do not wish to see that happen, I implore you to read the policy and source your images. If you have any questions after reading the policy, please let me know. Thank you for your cooperation. - Brandon Rhea  (talk) 20:18, 8 June 2009 (UTC)


 * Alright, but please don't forget in the future. Now that you've been warned, any further image policy violations will lead to blocks from editing, and I'm sure neither of us want that. Also, when you copy the licensing template directly from Wookieepedia, please don't forget to change the links to characters and film names, etc, that way they link back to Wookieepedia. Thanks. - Brandon Rhea Rebel symbol Blue.png (talk) 20:30, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

There's very little point to a template simply for testing purposes. That's what the sandbox is for. - Brandon Rhea  (talk) 20:34, 8 June 2009 (UTC)


 * No problem. Good idea, just rather redundant. - Brandon Rhea  Rebel symbol Blue.png (talk) 20:39, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

I'm back
I am sorry for my inactivity. I have been very busy lately. I have returned and will be editing here again. I will be sure to post a notice if I am to be leaving again. I am back and will be able to edit for a while. Mattkenn3 Talk 01:30, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

Re: Articles that are being deleted
I'll look them over now. Also, stop adding that code to your articles. If you want to have a template like that, make an actual template. - Brandon Rhea  (talk) 19:47, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

whats wrong with that code? Darth Void (Talk) 19:49, 17 June 2009 (UTC)


 * You don't put raw coding on pages. You just don't. If you want a template like that, create a template. Also, you can find a review of Torin here. - Brandon Rhea Rebel symbol Blue.png <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) 19:56, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Don't cross out my complaints. I'll be the judge of whether or not they've been corrected. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea  <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) 20:07, 17 June 2009 (UTC)


 * I started to review Emerging Threat, but it was too painful. I ended up rewriting the entire page myself. I also took the story itself off of the page and moved it to Emerging Threat/story, which is linked to from the Emerging Threat page. If it was on the article itself, you would've had to clean it up to standards as well. That would've been too annoying. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea Rebel symbol Blue.png <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) 20:22, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

I just did the same thing for Chronicles I: Turned Away. You can find the narrative at Chronicles I: Turned Away/story. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea  <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) 20:34, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Re: Star Wars character
Heh, I highly doubt that's me. It's likely based on Rhea from Greek mythology. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea  <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) 16:40, 24 June 2009 (UTC)


 * I'm not really looking for it. Most of the post-Return of the Jedi stuff is crap. I don't see that trend breaking anytime soon. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea Rebel symbol Blue.png <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) 19:36, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

New Jedi Order, Dark Nest, Legacy of the Force, Legacy...all garbage. I can't see Fate of the Jedi being any different. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea  <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) 19:39, 24 June 2009 (UTC)


 * They can make things interesting with the same characters. They just need to stop using the same plot, as you said. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea Rebel symbol Blue.png <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) 19:59, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Re: I know
If you can honestly look at that page and tell me that you don't see any errors, I don't know if I want to spend my time telling you what they are. They're glaringly obvious. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea  <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) 19:29, 26 June 2009 (UTC)


 * Although these errors are completely obvious...
 * Infobox:
 * Infoboxes image are NOT thumbnails. Remove the “thumb” and make it 250px.
 * If you’re not going to use the biographical information in the infobox, put “yes” next to “hideb=”.
 * Introduction:
 * In the introduction, don’t just state “Padawan”. It’s “Jedi Padawan”.
 * Early Life:
 * “Early Life” needs to be “Early life”.
 * State the character’s whole name in the first mention in the biography.
 * Link to Jedi Order on Wookieepedia.
 * Link to Jedi Master on Wookieepedia.
 * “sensed that Adazam had amazing potential” - borderline POV. Change “sensed” to “believed”.
 * Your whole second sentence should be three sentences. Start a new sentence after “amazing potential” (and put a comma after the capital “However”), and start another new sentence at “Adazam received”.
 * A Fateful Encounter:
 * “A Fateful Encounter” needs to be “A fateful encounter”.
 * Comma after “ten”.
 * Period after “Jedi Temple”. Start a new sentence, then put a comma after “In that area”.
 * Period after “all of them”. Start a new sentence.
 * Comma after “circumstances”.
 * Period after “could not do”. Rewrite the beginning of the next sentence by saying “Therefore, Master Casp offered”.
 * Technical Committee:
 * Comma after “Jedi training”.
 * Comma after “it was founded”.
 * “it’s” --> “its”. “It’s” is only to be used in place of “It is”. Contrary to popular belief, it is NOT used as a possessive.
 * “start of the war” - what war?
 * My review has about seventy (70) more words than your article does. That’s a very bad thing. Just figured I’d let you know. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea Rebel symbol Blue.png <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) 19:58, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

Sourcing
You're going to have to provide a better source for those images you just uploaded than "Television". How is that any different than getting a screenshot of a film and saying "Movie Theater"? It's not. Please correct them. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea  <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) 16:54, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Darth AT-AT
Here is a review for Darth AT-AT:


 * “his Master's redeemed Master” - neither of those should be capitalized.
 * “so he thought” - should be “or so he thought”.
 * “work relentlessly” - POV.
 * “He would ultimately” - clarify who “he” is.
 * Instead of the long, awkward way that sentence is written, say “would ultimately be redeemed thanks to”.
 * “major flaw” - POV.
 * “that flaw was doubt” - change to “which was doubt”.
 * “darkside” --> “dark side”. It’s two words.
 * Comma after “Force Insight”.
 * Change the comma after “Force Wave” to a period.
 * Comma after “As Darth AT-AT”.
 * Get rid of the colon after “included”.
 * Comma after “Force Choke”.

Correct all of that and it should be fine. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea  <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) 16:53, 18 July 2009 (UTC)


 * I'll get two other users to approve and then we can remove the tags. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea Rebel symbol Blue.png <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) 17:14, 20 July 2009 (UTC)

Thank You
Thank you for your compliments regarding Lord Revan. I would like to know what the Mass Effect reference was. I didn't intentionally put one in. --Thenorthernman (Talk) 18:48, 20 July 2009 (UTC)