CS:Yuuzhan'rarr

This is the review page for the ongoing good article nomination of Yuuzhan'rarr.

Objections

 * 1) SavageOpress1138
 * 2) *Council member
 * 3) ** "The Yuuzhan'tar Emirate was to be reorganized into a Yuuzhan Vong Empire, with Rarr as its Supreme Overlord." Hold on. This guy is elected onto the council young–okay. He even gives them this great idea to reorganize into an empire, fine. Why would they put him as the overlord? There is a whole council of older, more experienced people that could do it. Mary Sue flag here.
 * 4) ***I put him as chair of the council, he killed off the other members.--VG P 00:16, November 9, 2011 (UTC)
 * 5) **** Better, although I think you ought to take out the parentheses. Also, you have: "After five years...", "after Rarr's death...", "After he had killed...", and "After becoming chair..." all in a row. Not good.
 * 6) *****Now, only one after--VG P 05:18, November 9, 2011 (UTC)
 * 7) ******Much better.  Savage  1138  21:18, November 9, 2011 (UTC)
 * 8) *Supreme commander
 * 9) ** "He prophesied falsely that the Sith were not the enemies of the Vong, and that the Force was the essence of Yuuzhan'tar." I don't know a lot about the Vong, but I am pretty sure they hate the Force. Why would they believe him? Is it just because of him being their leader. Does being a Warmaster mean you are also a respected prophet?
 * 10) ***Being a supreme overlord does... how should I clarify in the article?--VG P 00:23, November 9, 2011 (UTC)
 * 11) ****Perhaps adding something like "Using his influence as supreme overlord he chose to make false....".  Savage  1138  21:18, November 9, 2011 (UTC)
 * 12) *****Added--VG P 01:44, November 10, 2011 (UTC)
 * 13) *Tatooine
 * 14) ** "Agreeing to these terms..." What terms?
 * 15) ***Fixed. Made it more clear that the terms were handing over Kamino.--VG P 00:20, November 9, 2011 (UTC)
 * 16) *Battle of New Alderaan
 * 17) **"He killed Derech, making it look like he was killed by Ferus Olin." Why did he do this? What does he gain? He killed a useful ally, and made it look to his troops like this awesome guy on their side got killed by a guy on the other side. That would not inspire the troops very much, if that was his goal.
 * 18) ***His goal was to get rid of someone who might infringe on his rights to the Empire/Alliance/Power in general--VG P 02:56, January 2, 2012 (UTC)
 * 19) ****Then it needs to be added to the body. 13:26, January 2, 2012 (UTC)
 * 20) *Mission to Teardrop
 * 21) ** Is teardrop a planet or a city, or what? Also, why is it capitalized in the section title, but not in the body?
 * 22) ***Fixed--VG P 00:11, November 9, 2011 (UTC)
 * 23) *Death
 * 24) **"As he lay dying, he told his son and successor, Shimrra Jammane, that his prophecies had been fake about the Sith, and that he never believed." To what end, for what purpose? Why admit after all this time that you are lying, when the only likely response to that is what happens to him.
 * 25) ***I don't want to sound rude... but I wasn't aware that on the GAN nomination's page you can object to the actual storyline...--VG PCOMMLINK 01:10, January 8, 2012 (UTC)
 * 26) ****You can't object to the story (unless it's a really bad story). However, I don't think that's what his objection was about. Typically, when a question is asked in an objection like this one, it's seeking to get more information and clarification. A comprehensive article shouldn't leave the reader asking questions, since it should cover all information. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk)  03:52, January 8, 2012 (UTC)
 * 27) *Personality and traits
 * 28) ** "Rarr was known for being a warrior king, and in the end this was his undoing." How was it his undoing? It seems to me his undoing was charging into battle against two Jedi.
 * 29) ***Fixed... I think--<font color="#006600">V<font color="#0000ff">G P 16:13, November 19, 2011 (UTC)
 * 30) **Perhaps you could expand this section in general. Not an objection, per say, more of a suggestion.
 * 31) *Powers and abilities
 * 32) ** POV. Point of View. This section is full of it. Now, this section is always the hardest in terms of POV, especially on your first few. You must keep a neutral point of view. For example: "He also knew how to manipulate people very well." That is not neutral point of view. You are saying how great he was at doing something. Instead: "He was able to manipulate people by..." and explaining how he manipulated them. All three sentences have POV.
 * 33) ***A bit more exactly, these are &ldquo;peacock words,&rdquo; defined by Wikipedia as:<blockquote style="margin-left:96px; font-size:90%;">&ldquo;[Peacock words] are often used without attribution to promote the subject of an article, while neither imparting nor plainly summarizing verifiable information.&rdquo;[src] You should use facts and information to demonstrate importance. 19:57, November 8, 2011 (UTC)
 * 34) ****I think I fixed the section--<font color="#006600">V<font color="#0000ff">G P 04:46, December 21, 2011 (UTC)
 * 35) *****I'll take that.  Savage  1138  14:47, December 21, 2011 (UTC)
 * 36) *It's a good article, especially considering it's, as far as I know, your first one. With a little work it should easily pass.  Savage  1138  19:40, November 8, 2011 (UTC)
 * 37) +  TK-999
 * 38) * More information is needed about the Yuuzhan'tar Emirate; its members (primary species) and location and maybe a brief history should be sufficient.
 * 39) **Where in the article should I add this?--<font color="#006600">V<font color="#0000ff">G P 01:46, December 21, 2011 (UTC)
 * 40) ***Upon its first mention in the article body&mdash;the Council member section. Something like &ldquo;an Outer Rim government consisting of Yuuzhan Vong refugees.&rdquo; 12:00, December 21, 2011 (UTC)
 * 41) ****Fixed Je pense--<font color="#006600">V<font color="#0000ff">G P 03:56, December 23, 2011 (UTC)
 * 42) * &ldquo;In 6 ABY Rarr met with the Emperor of the Imperial Remnant, Derech Palpatine, on Tatooine, to discuss an alliance between the Remnant and the Yuuzhan Vong. During the discussions, Kamino was handed over from the Imperials to the Vong.&rdquo; Assuming that Kamino's and/or the Remnant's location has not changed, there's a problem:  places Kamino above the galactic plane, near Rishi, while the Remnant is on the opposite side of the galaxy, as visible here.
 * 43) **In my continuity, very little that happens after EP VI is included. Among that includes the position of the Imperial Remnant--<font color="#006600">V<font color="#0000ff">G P 03:54, November 22, 2011 (UTC)
 * 44) ***Just to clarify: exactly which territories did it span in that area? You don't need to add this to the article, it's just for the sake of clearness. Thanks! 15:48, November 22, 2011 (UTC)
 * 45) * &ldquo;Had he not, Palpatine's plan to smash Coruscant into New Alderaan would have worked, and the Imperial-Vong Alliance would doubtlessly have won the war.&rdquo; and &ldquo;Rarr was known for being a warrior king, and in the end this was his undoing.&rdquo; How do we know? It's nothing, just speculation.
 * 46) *That's it for now. 20:30, November 8, 2011 (UTC)