Forum:Decreton Lords - Third Featured Article Review

Due to the creation of new and stricter Featured Article requirements, it is important that the Decreton Lords once again take the time to issue any complaints they have about the current Featured Articles and decide whether or not an article should remain as a Featured Article or become a Formerly Featured Article. Please be sure to sign everything you say, including complaints and whether or not you wish to revoke Featured Article status so we know exactly who is saying what. Please be sure to repeat complaints, as it is important that all Decreton Lords have their voices heard.

Also, please be aware that while there is no immediate rush to do this, it is important to get this done as soon as possible. However, no one wants any of the Decreton Lords to feel as if they’re pressured into reading dozens of articles immediately. While you can certainly take your just, just be sure to have your reviews done within the next two or three weeks. The articles to review are as follows, separated into the categories they fall into on the Featured Article main page. Also, for anyone reading this, please be aware that only Decreton Lords can participate.

Review Process

 * 1) The Decreton Lords will review each Featured Article up to date at this point extensively, giving tips on organization and spelling/grammar structure, as well as making complaints in compliance with the rules. Things not in the rules, such as "I don't like the color of the infobox" cannot be counted against the article, but things in accordance with all other policies (such as Manual of Style) will be valid.
 * 2) Unlike before, all articles under review will remain under review for the entire time, which is one month, instead of being revoked after being voted against enough times. That way, the writers of these articles have substantial time to address complaints and suggestions.
 * 3) In order to retain Featured Article status, the entirety of the Decreton Lords must agree that the article is fit for FA standards, as goes the same for revoking. If the Decreton Lords are unable to unanimously agree on either view point, then whichever side (Keep or Revoke) has the most by the end of the review will "win" (this is unlikely since Decreton Lords should all be judging by the rules, not by personal opinion)
 * 4) Lastly, once the review is over, each review will be archived in each articles' respective Decreton Lord page (such as DL:Narod Antrell) for archiving and historical purposes.

=Review=

Complaints

 * 1) Review:
 * 2) * Infobox needs to be fixed, image is too long.
 * 3) *Does not have twenty internal links.
 * 4) *From the introduction:
 * 5) **"stolen imperial and rebellion technology"; Capitalize "Imperial" and "Rebellion" because you're talking about a proper noun here.
 * 6) **You should also spell out "40"
 * 7) **"Rebel Alliance splinter faction called RAIF (Rebel Alliance Intelligence Faction)" You should reverse that; put the full name first and the abbreviation in parenthesis.
 * 8) **"was acquired almost completely by theft, or assassinations"; Remove the comma after theft, it's not necessary
 * 9) **"and even hired some foreign scientist of another manufacturer." That part of the sentence doesn't make much sense. I think you meant to put "some" before "even" and I think "scientist" is supposed to be in plural form, but I'm just guessing. Either way, fix this.
 * 10) *From "Characteristics" section:
 * 11) **"though they have been given"; make it past tense, as in "though they were given to war heroes" or whatever.
 * 12) **"It's secret"; No apostrophe between "It" and "s".
 * 13) **"uncommon for it's costs" Same as above, no apostrophe.
 * 14) **"to escalate to a dangerously high 1,500,000 credits"; Remove dangerously, that has point of view. You must have NPOV. Instead say something like "to escalate to a high of 1,500,000 credits".
 * 15) **"The E.C.H.O. visor had three channels or phases"; You don't need to italicize channels or phases.
 * 16) **"However, these are not all"; Past tense "there were not all".
 * 17) *From "The Three Channels":
 * 18) **"sees through virtually any visual or signal repellent"; past tense, again.
 * 19) **"This channel can detect targets"; past tense, again.
 * 20) **"The target appears"; past tense, again.
 * 21) **"Because the target is revealed through supersonic detection, the user literally sees the sound through vision"; Past tense in a couple of places.
 * 22) **"When in this phase, the visor will glow red"; past tense, again.
 * 23) **"allows the user to phase through solid objects"; past tense, again.
 * 24) **"If the user is looking for a specific target or object"; paste tense, again.
 * 25) **"the object will glow more luminously than normal"; past tense, again.
 * 26) **"the E.C.H.O. visor have a clear, glazed look about, for safety that the user doesn't collide into any obstacles while in this channel."; past tense, again.
 * 27) **"the visor will glow blue."; past tense, again.
 * 28) **"can scan humanoids for identification,"; past tense, again.
 * 29) **"visor signals all data "; past tense, again.
 * 30) **"until some of any sort of information"; I think you can remove "some" from there, it's not necessary, unless you're trying to say something else.
 * 31) **"humanoid is detected"; past tense, again.
 * 32) **"Usually, this channel is used"; past tense again.
 * 33) **"the visor is updated constantly"; past tense again.
 * 34) **"this is the most expensive and complicated addition"; past tense again.
 * 35) **"the visor will glow white."; past tense again.
 * 36) *From "Technology Theft" section:
 * 37) **"formula had taken 12 years to accomplish"; spell out 12.
 * 38) **"hadn't learned to adapt them for military use as of yet"; make it past tense. I get what you're saying, but instead put something like "for military use at the time" or "at that time", or the like.
 * 39) **"black market had an illegal item that hacks into all "; hacks need to be past tense.
 * 40) **"At the time RAIF agents (impersonating Rebel representatives) had arrived to haggle the technology"; put a comma after "time" and instead of parenthesis around "impersonating Rebel representatives" put commas. Unless you were trying to say "By the time".
 * 41) *From "Birth of the Prototype" section
 * 42) **"A reliable schematic has revealed itself"; Past tense again.
 * 43) **"For 8 months"; Spell out 8.
 * 44) **"it was known Codename"; I think you forgot "as" between known and Codename. Also, I think you can combine the definition of each term (Electrosignetic, Caphsronis, Hectron, Obenexer) into a sentence or something like that, rather than a list (since it's unnecessary).
 * 45) *From "Rarity of Use" section:
 * 46) **The section title itself has wrong grammar, "Use" should be in lowercase.
 * 47) **" and well served their purposes"; Put well at the end of that phrase.
 * 48) *From section "Growth and Declination of Production"
 * 49) **The section title itself has bad grammar; make "declination" and "production" lowercase.
 * 50) **"Because they take roughly a year "; Past tense.
 * 51) **"the amount of scientist"; I think "scientist" is supposed to be in plural form.
 * 52) **"until the Yuuzhan Vong war came"; Capitalize "War", since it's proper in this case.
 * 53) **"The actual location of the vault is currently unknown."; Make it past tense, such as "was never known".
 * 54) *Under "Behind the scenes":
 * 55) **"The E.C.H.O. visor was heavily inspired"; capitalize Visor.
 * 56) **"(though not based)"; replace parenthesis with commas and I think adding "on" after based it should work better.
 * 57) **"to have only on look-out"; I think you mean one, not on.
 * 58) **" Later versions of theE.C.H.O. visor"; space between the and E.C.H.O. and also capitalize Visor.
 * 59) *Lastly, none of the images are properly sourced.
 * 60) *New error that arose after fixing the rest:
 * 61) **Still do not have twenty internal links, and only ten can be canon (like New Republic, Rebel Alliance, et al), but with just reason this can be overlooked
 * 62) **You double-link (multiple, even) to Galactic Empire (as Empire). Please do not double link.
 * 63) **From Behind the scenes: "Metroid Prime and Metroid Prime II: Echoes."; the games need to be italicized.
 * 64) *--Victor Dorantes (discussion) (contributions) 19:56, 14 April 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yes, per my above complaints. --Victor Dorantes  (discussion) (contributions) 06:59, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Fixed all. --[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|45px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 19:50, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Not quite. Almost. --Victor Dorantes (discussion) (contributions) 19:56, 14 April 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Review:
 * Image:Logo Comparison.PNG is the only properly sourced image. Please properly source the others as well.
 * 1) *From the Infobox:
 * 2) **Fix the width of the image to 250px
 * 3) **It's "Legacy era", not "Legacy Era"
 * 4) *From the Introduction:
 * 5) **"was popular enough to produce two variation"; I think you meant variations.
 * 6) **"biggest cause for its company's"; You link to Aratech over "it's company" again, which is unnecessary, considering you already linked to it in the first sentence. Also, though, "it's" should not have an apostrophe.
 * 7) **" in the roles of ambusher"; Shouldn't "ambusher" be capitalized?
 * 8) *Under "History":
 * 9) **"was first brought up who began in 52 ABY "; I don't think "who began" should be in there, must've been an error.
 * 10) **"Jayar Keven, currently the owner of Aratech Corporation"; It should be something like "Jayar Keven, the owner of Aratech Corporation at the time,"
 * 11) **"Aratech had spent a large amount of money on advertising. It worked, and the Galactic Alliance took interest." You should combine those two sentences, otherwise it sounds choppy.
 * 12) **"After an initial eighty to test them"; you should work that better, to clarify that it was eighty Inceptors and that they were for testing.
 * 13) **" for the an large jump"; I don't think "an" should be there.
 * 14) **"which had been proven by fire in various minor conflicts and disputes"; proven what? Please clarify that last sentence.
 * 15) **Please split the last paragraph into two or three. It's far too massive.
 * 16) **" although keeping comlink silence."; Past tense, please.
 * 17) **"as they arrived, a curious scene unfolded before them"; remove curious. has Point-of-View.
 * 18) **"More curiously, the Phoenix had gone missing"; again, remove curiously. Unless you add "more curiously for the squadron" or something like that, it's POV.
 * 19) **"and six well-placed torpedoes, the engines were disabled"; I think you meant to put "and with six well-placed..."
 * 20) **"Lieutenant Neptra Urio ordered immediately evasive action"; Immediately should be immediate, methinks.
 * 21) *Under "Design":
 * 22) **"The wings tapered out"; I believe it's "The wings were"
 * 23) **" The engine thrusters are stuck out of the back, while two more nodes hold sensor and stealth equipment."; past tense needed in a couple of places, where you used present tense.
 * 24) **"The seats were form fitting"; Fitted is the word you're looking for, I believe.
 * 25) **"Waste removal was also easy and did the best it could to eliminate any smell." Can you tell us how it removed smells? Fans? Ventilators? Febreze? (kidding about the latter)
 * 26) *Under "Armaments": (Please break this section into two paragraphs)
 * 27) **At first I was reviewing this section sentence-by-sentence, however each sentence has the same problem: Present tense. Please use past tense, replacing "are" with "were" and the like, as well as re-wording if necessary. Also, you could spell out the numbers, such as in "4 Model-IX Recon Droids, 6 Plasma mines", etc.
 * 28) *From Systems section:
 * 29) **Again, needs a lot of fixing with past tense. There are a lot, so I am not going to point out every one.
 * 30) **"Information was also stored on many enemy fighters and other threats that the WraithX could encounter...and even threats the WraithX probably wouldn't encounter. The computer also contains many other useful tools." Remove the ellipsis, and simply put a space. Also, what other useful tools? That's just a way of saying "Other cool stuff I can't think of", so please specify or just remove that last line.
 * 31) *Under "SypderX Stealth Scout" section:
 * 32) **More past tense errors. Please fix.
 * 33) *Under "Behind the scenes"
 * 34) **Remove all second person references (such as "If you didn't realize"). You do not speak to the reader, always use third person POV.
 * 35) **Also, there are first person references (such as "I"). Remove those too, replace them with third person POV. Such as "though I made the WraithX's more on the powerful side than the stealth side."; turn it into "though "Shadowphobia" made the WraithX's more on the powerful side than the stealth side." We don't use first or second person POV because its not encyclopedic and no one will know who "I" is unless they know the author. Regardless of that, it's not encyclopedic and needs to be in third person.
 * 36) **"the Cobrex, obviously came from CobraX" Remove obviously. It's not obvious to all, that's POV, so remove it.
 * 37) **"During a GA nomination, I was told more pictures would help. I had two, but I couldn't find any more pictures of that went with my already existing model, so I changed my picture model." As I said with the 1st person references, fix them, but I bring this sentence out because here is another issue. If a reader isn't familiar with FAs, GAs and voting and the like, he won't know what "GA nomination" is. So please specify that "When the article of WraithX-Beta Interceptor was nominated as a Good Article on Star Wars Fanon..."
 * 38) *Lastly, your categories: "Articles by Shadowphobia | Starfighters | Aratech Products"; please alphabetize them (Aratech Products, Articles by, Starfighters)
 * 39) *--Victor Dorantes (discussion) (contributions) 20:50, 14 April 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * Yes, per above complaints. --Victor Dorantes (discussion) (contributions) 20:50, 14 April 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Review:
 * 2) *General:
 * 3) **Does not have twenty internal links.
 * 4) *From Infobox:
 * 5) **Put a comma in the year.
 * 6) **List the known users with asterisks rather than separating them by commas.
 * 7) **For lightsaber design, either describe it or remove the link. Unnecessary.
 * 8) **Capitalize "wave" in "Force Wave", since it's proper.
 * 9) **For Eras, put "Old Republic era" rather than just "Old Republic"
 * 10) **List Similar forms rather than separating them by commas, like with known users.
 * 11) *From Introduction:
 * 12) **"the point of this form is to suprise the enemy greatly"; past tense, please.
 * 13) **"shutting off your dominant lightsaber to break past defenses"; never write in the second person tense. Always third person. This means no "you" "your" or the like.
 * 14) **"The form has a deadly attack"; past tense please
 * 15) **"Jace Kyjar would invent this form as a spark of his own creativity."; instead of "would invent" put "invented".
 * 16) **"He would first attempt it"; put "He first attempted it"
 * 17) **"blown away by a force wave."; capitalize Force Wave
 * 18) **"He would perfect the form "; put "he perfected". You keep using future tense, rather than past tense.
 * 19) *Under "History":
 * 20) **"the power which allows"; past tense, please.
 * 21) **" but none could perfect it no matter how they tried."; put a comma between "it" and "no"
 * 22) **"Nearing the end of his life,"; Near, not nearing.
 * 23) **"Xeno would also go on to master the form, but would never give any others his knowledge, feeling it would be better"; again, you're using future tense, in a couple of places in there. Please fix it.
 * 24) **"if such a dangerous form"; remove dangerous, that is from point of view. Must have NPOV.
 * 25) **"Xeno would end up doing the same thing at the end of his life"; again, future tense.
 * 26) **"the teachings of the deadly form"; deadly is point of view
 * 27) **" Now, in the hands of a Sith Lord, the form truely has the opportunity to show off its deadly capabilities."; You use present tense. Please make it past tense. Such as "it had the chance" or whatever.
 * 28) *Under "Description" section:
 * 29) **"rivalling" is not a word. "rival" works perfectly.
 * 30) **"eachother" is not a word; separate the words.
 * 31) **"The Tra'cor was a dangerous amphibian beast native to Sorocco and were"; replace "were" with "was" since you are talking about a singular Tra'cor.
 * 32) **" to such a deadly form."; again, POV.
 * 33) **"Jar'Kata knowledge would never"; future tense being used again. Fix please. Also, this part of the article contradicts the rest, since it says the Sith would never get it, although earlier in the History it says that Darth Nyne did get it. Explain this/retcon this/fix this.
 * 34) *Under "Grip" section:
 * 35) **"applications of Jar'Kata combine the applications of both"; past tense, please.
 * 36) **"the lightsaber is held"; past tense, please.
 * 37) **" the user holds a short lightsaber"; past tense, please.
 * 38) **"The lightsaber is held in the center"; past tense, again.
 * 39) *Under "Stance" section:
 * 40) **"confidence is a large issue"; past tense again, please.
 * 41) **"the practitioner must show their confidence in their stance"; past tense again.
 * 42) **"There are two defined ways "; past tense, again.
 * 43) **"influenced way has the user standing "; past tense, again.
 * 44) **"More past tense errors throughout: "The off-handed lightsaber should be ignited, though does not have to be, with the main handed lightsaber always disignited. Both lightsaber tips should be pointed towards the attacker to make them afraid of an attack."
 * 45) *Under "Striking":
 * 46) **"sole influence is Trakata"; past tense again.
 * 47) **"The user would now be able to cut"; remove future tense please.
 * 48) *Under "Defense" section:
 * 49) **" of this technique is the use "; past tense please.
 * 50) **"because it's only purpose"; no apostrophe between "it" and "s"
 * 51) **" defense is very heavily drawn upon"; past tense, again.
 * 52) *Under "Requirements":
 * 53) **"the user must have an above-average grasp"; past tense please
 * 54) **"of the force and even higher force potential"; capitalize "Force", since you're talking about "the Force".
 * 55) **Please use past tense in the following (quite a few in there): "They must meditate regularily to clear their mind for the fight that they undoubtedly see ahead. The user must have the ability to concentrate in battle, as a lack of doing so will lead to an onslaught of deadly force powers against them. (next paragraph) The user must also be proficient in using both hands."
 * 56) *Under "Weaknesses" section:
 * 57) **Lots of present tense. Fix this, please.
 * 58) *Under "Lightsaber Design":
 * 59) **Section header has improper grammar. Make "design" lowercase.
 * 60) *The list of Users is not necessary, since it's just a list and we already know throughout the article and infobox who used it.
 * 61) *"Behind the Scenes"
 * 62) **Make "scenes" lowercase.
 * 63) **One fact is like this: "The first recognizable lightsaber form created by Steve Young." Please put "Jar'kata" before this sentence.
 * 64) *Also, please attribute any of the images from devianart to their proper author if you know it.
 * 65) *--Victor Dorantes <font color="#0C003F">(discussion) <font color="#0C003F">(contributions) 07:45, 14 April 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * Yes, per above complaints. --<font color="#9F0500">Victor Dorantes <font color="#0C003F">(discussion) <font color="#0C003F">(contributions) 07:45, 14 April 2008 (UTC)