HP:Raymus Drewton

This is the review page for Raymus Drewton.

Objections

 * 1)  The flies in the buttermilk:
 * 2) * “After the battle which had been taking place at the time they had landed, they were brought back to their homeplanet, Naboo, by Jedi Master Idnum-Ki.” That’s kind of awkward sounding.
 * Fixed. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 18:03, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) * The Early Life section is too short.
 * There's nothing I can do about that because I don't have any other source material to use. The 'Death of Drazil Drewton' header is part of the Early life section. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 17:35, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) * “Raymus Drewton was born in 42 BBY, a year after the birth of his brother Tarisian, on the peaceful planet of Naboo,[1].” Is a comma needed at the end?
 * Fixed. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 17:35, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) * “When they were about to arrive…” They who?
 * Fixed. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron )
 * 1) * Commas are misused throughout the article.
 * I'll look through it again, but could you be more specific? Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 18:03, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) * More later.
 * 2) It has improvement tag, that's really all I can see. It can easily be gotten rid of.--[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 19:35, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *It's not an improvement tag, exactly, but an advisory because there's major spoilers from a recent chapter. Still, I've remove it for the nomination. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 12:38, 1 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
Drewton, just remove the links from the section titles (from 43 BBY–40 BBY to 43 BBY–40 BBY) for example, as that is breaking one of our rules, and I can support this. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 03:49, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I've removed the links, but the same rule applies on Wookieepedia, and year links in the section titles are an exception. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 12:45, 31 July 2008 (UTC)

Not here. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 08:10, 3 August 2008 (UTC)