Pitco Snarff

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"I can't hear you over the sound of my greatness"

- Pitco Snarff

Private Pitco Snarff was a Republic Army trooper who served during the Mandalorian Wars. The son of a wealthy Quarren family, Pitco grew up in privilege, attended to by servants and given whatever he wanted. He grew extremely ego-centric and was prone to fits of melodrama since his upbringing had tolerated his antics. He also considered himself extremely funny, another pretense that his servants had tolerated.

The army stod for none of Pitco's behavior, despite his proclamations of superior status. During training, he drew the wrath of Sergeant Rawq Hahrdplays, who went after the slovely, lazy Pitco with a vengeance. Despite Pitco's protestations of unfair treatment, Hahrdplays did his best to mold the weakling Quarren into a soldier, but Pitco was too absent-minded to realize his efforts and spurned the drill sergeant. After openly insulting Hahrdplays in front of the rest of the outfit and refusing to salute the unit flag, Pitco was severely punished by being strapped into a sturdy vest which Hahrdplays then laced into the runner on the flagpole and summarily hosted to dangle precariously below the unit flag. Fellow recruits were urged to throw things at him, which many did with gleeful vengeance, as Pitco's antics had cost them severely during training.

When Pitco was let down, he was reformed for a while, acting more demurely and behaving himself. Soon, however, the insolent Quarren was up to his tricks again. He stole a hoverspeeder for an impromptu race and crashed it. After his second occasion of doing this, Pitco was brought up before a military court of trial, but managed to wheedle his way out of punishment due to the need for soldiers in the Mandalorian Wars. Instead, he was returned for remedial training under Sergeant Hahrdplays, who constantly insulted him and threatened to kill him on every occasion. Pitco returned the favor by never doing anything if possible. Pitco also became responsible for an off-color list of actions which he was no longer allowed to do after having tried them at least once. This list, known as "Pitco's List" eventually made its way around the military holonet as a bit of unsanctioned, inappropriate humour.

Quotes
"No way, Sarge. That sounds suspiciously like work, and I'm allergic to work."

- Private Pitco Snarff to his superior

"See, Sarge is so smart. Hes doing exactly what I told him to do, he's just afraid to admit that I'm the brains behind the military."

- Pitco Snarff confiding to his colleagues

"Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash."

- Item number on 30 on Pitco's List

"I must not flaunt my deviances in front of my chain of command."

- Item number 71 on Pitco's List

"I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test."

- Item number 145 on Pitco's List

"Pitco, come back! I need your delicious meat for one of my plans."

- Sergeant Rawq Hahrdplays requesting Pitco's assistance in helping the squad escape from a pack of local predators

"I am now the tenth most talked-about private in the ENTIRE Republic Army!"

- Pitco Snarff