The Fanon Menace/Season 2/Episode 12 script

Yavin IV -Arrive on planet

 Leia! Thank goodness you’re alright. We heard about Alderaan and feared the worst.

 Yes…all those lives…lost…

 Lost? Someone died?

 They blew up the planet. Of course people died!

 Alderaan was blown up?

 What happened to Alderaan?

 Nothing! Wrong coordinates. Alderaan’s fine.

 But I saw it with my own two eyes! These two, right here!

 Couldn’t have been. I just got off HoloNet with a cousin of mine on Alderaan.

 It’s true. When we got there to rescue the Princess, Alderaan was gone!

 *under his breath* It’s because you’re an incompetent map reader…

 No matter. Whether Alderaan is there or not, we have a bigger problem.

 Which is?

 The Death Star tracked your ship.

 Not his ship. She’s untraceable!

 Actually, she’s a piece of junk. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’d traced her.

<Mon Mothma> Not your ship. *turns to Bail* Yours!

<Bail> Ok, you’ve caught me. I’m…

<Mon Mothma> Completely innocent, I’m sure. We forgive you.

<Bail> I was going to say, “a Domain spy,” but I like innocent much better.

<C-3PO> The Death Star is coming!

<Leia> How many lanterns? The code is 1 if by land, 2 if by hyperspace travel!

<Luke> Do you seriously think they’re coming by land?

<Leia> Ok, scratch that. Maybe they’re coming via wormhole. There we go, it’s 1 if by wormhole, 2 if by hyperspace travel, 3 if by hyperspace window, 4 if by teleportation, 5 if by kayak, 6 if by ocean liner, 7 if by TIE fighter, 8 if by…

<Luke> It’s two.

<Leia> Oh. But I wasn’t finished!

<C-3PO> Might I remind you that the Death Star is coming?

<Mon Mothma> Quick, to the fighters!

<Dodonna> To the briefing room!


 * *Everyone leaves for the briefing room except Mon Mothma*

<Mon Mothma> I like my idea better…

-Prep for battle

<Dodonna> As you all know, the Death Star is attempting to clear the planet. We are organizing an attack against the station to destroy this superweapon once and for all!

<Wedge> But wouldn’t that kill people? Is that even allowed in this series?

<Dodonna> Don’t underestimate the writer of this script…they broke the rule first. We have just received word that Alderaan has been destroyed.

<Luke> Actually, it wasn’t destroyed. Our coordinates were just wrong, and we were in an asteroid field that made it appear as if the planet were actually destroyed.

<Dodonna> I have spoken with Captain Solo myself. There is no chance of that, young Luke. We must destroy the Death Star while we have the chance. Now, to your fighters!

<Mon Mothma> Finally…