The Fanon Menace/Season 2/Episode 13 script

Yavin IV -Say goodbye to Han

 I gotta go. They assigned me a fighter.

 Alright, be safe…brother. That’s still weird. Does he have to go? He’s kinda cute, in a blockish, plastic sort of way.

 Come on, you could use a good pilot like me.

 *to Leia* Are you kidding? He’s a…scoundrel! We outlaws from the Empire can’t be seen with smugglers and scoundrels like him. *to Han* Sorry, Han, but you can’t stay.

 Alright, but if you need anything, give me a call. *Han leaves*

 It’s too bad, really. He’s such a nice scoundrel.

-Space battle

 Form up and make an attack run! Aim for the 2x2-meter thermal exhaust port with your proton torpedoes!

 2x2 meters? That’s an impossible shot! Why don’t we just aim for the gaping hole in the side of the station?

 That’s too easy, Luke. Careful, TIE on your tail!


 * *Dogfight continues, radio chatter*

 I’m going in.

 You’re on the wrong side of the station! I told you not to fire at the gaping hole in the side of the station!

 Torpedoes away! *explosion heard* I got something! I don’t know what, but it’s something.

 Well, that’s about as good as we’re gonna get, I guess. Let’s go home, boys.

Death Star -“Destruction” of Death Star

 Sir, we’ve been hit!

 Are we damaged?

 I don’t think so, sir. The torpedo was aimed at our structure, not any of our myriad of weak points.

<Tarkin> Well, that was a poor shot. We give them all these ways to kill us, and they decide to attack the heavily armored side.

<Lieutenant> Yeah, go figure, eh?


 * *Gravity shuts down*

<Lieutenant> Ok, so maybe we are damaged.

<Crewman> The Death Star has cleared the planet!

<Tarkin> We can still function! Fire!


 * *Lieutenant pushes the button, but since there is no gravity, he merely pushes himself away from the control panel*

<Lieutenant> It’s no use, sir. We can’t fire without gravity!

<Tarkin> Then fix the gravity!

<Lieutenant> We’ll have to dismantle the whole ship to get at the generator, sir.

<Tarkin> Well, that was poor planning.

Yavin IV -Return to Yavin

<Biggs> Look behind us! The Death Star’s coming apart! We did it!

<Luke> Looks like they’re dismantling it. I bet it’ll come back in a later episode.

<Wedge> Quiet, Luke, you’re ruining the story!

<Luke> Sorry, I can’t help it. Here’s the landing platform.


 * *All land and exit X-wings*


 * *Leia enters, carried by Mon Mothma*

<Leia> You guys are heroes!

<Luke> Heroes?

<Leia> Yes, heroes! You destroyed the Death Star!

<Luke> Actually, it’s being dismantled so they can fix it and move it to the Forest Moon of Endor.


 * *Everyone looks at Luke. Cricket chirps*

<Luke> I have no idea where that came from.

<Leia> An award ceremony will be held on my ship, the Tantive IIVI. Follow me. Mon Mothma, this-a-way!

Tantive IIVI -Award ceremony


 * *Luke, carrying Leia, walks up to front of crowd of misc characters. Mon Mothma places Leia’s head back on her body.  End*