Star Wars Fanon:Featured articles/Nominations

A Featured article is an article that represents the best that Star Wars Fanon has to offer. Out of articles on this wiki, less than one hundred are currently Featured Articles. Articles that no longer meet the criteria can be proposed for improvement or removal by the Decreton Lords. A Featured article is also an article that adheres to a certain standard of quality that is higher than the standard of quality for Good articles. In order to become a Featured article, an article must first be voted as a Star Wars Fanon Good article. It should be of a very detailed and of substantial length, long enough to promote every single detail about the subject, though short enough to where it does not become a hassle to read it or edit it.

For more information on what makes a featured article, see our Featured Article requirements.

Nomination
In order to be considered for Featured Article status, an article must reach Good Article status by being voted upon by the High Priests and the membership of Star Wars Fanon. Once an article has become a Good Article, the author of the article must nominate the article for Featured Article status on their own accord. The nominated template will also be added at the top of the Good Articles that are nominated.

Voting
The Decreton Lords, and they alone, will vote on each nomination. They will review by adding comments, critique, and feedback on the articles up for nomination. They will vote on whether or not the article is of Featured Article quality, and once at least four of the six Decreton Lords approve of the article, the article will become featured.

Approved articles
If an article is voted in by the Decreton Lords, it will be added to the list of featured articles, the upcoming article queue, and to the history of featured articles.

Current standings

 * Alexei Sudovencavic (1/4)
 * Battle of Cul-Huq (Cruentusian War) (0/4)
 * Cilwelli (species) (1/4)
 * Cos Decarte Palpatine (0/4)
 * Darth Abeonis (2/4)
 * Merkory Chal'wala (1/4)
 * Sela Kerroro (0/4)
 * Star Wars: Legion Commando (0/4)
 * Tarvin Calaan (0/4)
 * Battle of Gand (0/4)

Approve

 * 1) Absolutely, but you might want to expand the post-mortem/legacy. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 19:48, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) With those complaints fixed, it's ready. - Solus  (Bird of Prey)  02:20, 21 March 2008 (UTC)

Disapprove/complaints

 * 1) Expand Postmortem and Legacy. I know you can find a way to give it more. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]]  (Pressroom)  (Accomplishments)  20:56, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Expanded the legacy a bit. I'll get some pictures up near the bottom soon enough. Dexington 19:50, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * The pictures aren't a requirement so... Dexington 01:51, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Only 8 non-date links.
 * Image:Lehon2.jpg and Image:Nightship.jpg are not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:32, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the pale desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) *The first two paragraphs of the intro are quite stilted and don't flow well. Rework this so the sentences transition better.
 * 3) *"two normal parents, living normal lives on the busiest planet in the galaxy" POV/prosetry.
 * 4) *"Strange thing was, Alexei was born an albino, no skin pigmentation and red eyes." Fragment/Prosetry.
 * 5) *"They were not the smartest of people and had next to no knowledge about genes," You can surely reword this to make it less POV.
 * 6) *" Alexei was forced to spend time in between them" Reword please; a literal interpretation of this is eh . . . awkward.
 * 7) *MoS Rule: capitalize "the Force" I already fixed several, but this is hardly isolated.
 * 8) *"force, strange again, as his parents were not," Stilted wording; the comma phrase really messes with the readability.
 * 9) *"the eldest and wisest of the masters" Wisest, used explicitly, is POV. If you say "who they considered the wisest," the article is NPOV. Hopefully that'll explain the difference.
 * 10) *"Kahn proved to be the right choice, " POV.
 * 11) *"So well, that Kahn, a master of the dreamscape power, decided to teach Alexei the power." Fragment.
 * 12) *"showing an astounding aptitude for knowledge" POV.
 * 13) *"Alexei soon got the hang of it and was able to create imaginary plains in people's minds." "Got the hang of it" is informal and "Plains" is not the proper word, methinks.
 * 14) *"the glorious lightsaber crystals" POV/prosetry.
 * 15) *"He then picked up the unconscious body " Unclear antecedent.
 * 16) *I fixed this for you, but for future reference: People lie. Things lay. (In general)
 * 17) *"He could hardly see due to the beating that he just had, both eyes were nearly swollen shut." Awkward verbage and structure.
 * 18) *"The darkest of all places in the galaxy, where all the evil went to gather and plot against all that was good and would ever be good." Prosetry! I know you do this fairly often, based on reviews of your previous works, but from now on, please try and avoid such "dramatic" sentences in any FAs/FANs, as I'll object to them every time. It's just not encyclopediac. (Rule 3.3)
 * 19) *"The taint of the dark side was heavy in his heart and his face showed features adherent to that of the Sith." Unclear; reword that last bit and the first bit is prosetry.
 * 20) *" Nax also taught the group an alarming amount" Alarming is POV.
 * 21) *"which she obviously did not return." Obviously doesn't fit here and the whole phrase needs reworded.
 * 22) *What is a "rampage of shyrack"? Is that like a murder of crows?
 * 23) *You never explain what dreamscape is. I should be able to have a basic understanding of what that is without having to navigate to another page. Context, please.
 * 24) *Also, context on the tomb's layout.
 * 25) *"When Alexei had returned" Returned where?
 * 26) *"Less than original, but true to form." Please remove this. This type of commentary is entirely unacceptable in an encyclopedia article.
 * 27) *"such a fate would be too lenient." POV. A way to fix this might be "as he felt such a fate would . . . "
 * 28) *"could be a very devastating power." POV.
 * 29) *"People's worst fears were always easy to read, they were always present in the back of one's mind, ripe for the picking." Prosetry/awkward sentence structure.
 * 30) *"Alexei could never find anything meaningful to due with such a destructive power, however." POV/wording issues.
 * 31) *"Just the standard scans and since his face no longer matched what it used to be like, they had no clue he had been banned from the planet." POV.
 * 32) *"Obviously, he wanted to find out the truth in the whole situation and visited the Elder Rakatan tribe." Using the word "obviously" in this context is POV.
 * 33) *"Perhaps he should have." Commentary is POV and needs removed.
 * 34) *" the god forsaken planet." It's "God-forsaken" if you're referring to the deity known as God. If you're referring to a generic deity, it's "god-forsaken".
 * 35) *"During the trip to nowhere," Trip to nowhere? That's . . . not very clear and should only be used in abstract terms. If he's going somewhere, there is an ultimate destination. If there isn't an ultimate destination, say something like that instead of using poetic language.
 * 36) *"An interesting one, but easy to conjure up nonetheless." More of the commentary issue.
 * 37) *"but taking something big around the galaxy drew too much attention anyway." POV. This is written from Alexei's POV and should be changed.
 * 38) *" The Rakatans didn't do all that bad, however, taking out a healthy portion of rural area, likely killing many innocent civilians." Utterly rewrite this; informal tone, POV.
 * 39) *"Now he just had to kill the Jedi Council." POV.
 * 40) *"Again, a great deed done, but nobody knew who was to blame or congratulate." POV.
 * 41) *"Alexei was one of the most evil people that anyone could ever meet." POV.
 * 42) *"All of his bad personality traits are the result of something" POV, tense.
 * 43) *Mary Sue test shows that: 19, Borderline, by my reckoning. I tend to think that this is a Mary Sue; he has no discernible weaknesses aside from being albino and ridiculed, and the way the article is written clearly glorifies, or is at least sympathetic to him, falling back on the "it was society that made him bad" reasoning to explain away his evilness. This is a major concern.
 * 44) *BtS is far too small. This is a major concern.
 * 45) *I find your lack of neutrality disturbing. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:50, 14 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
I agree, NK, and I know that Brandon won't give me the vote until I do. I'll get on that sometime soon. Dexington 20:14, 17 February 2008 (UTC)

Disapprove/complaints

 * 1) This isn't a complaint, per say, but I just don't know about this article. I'll check back later, after I can give full reasons behind whether I support this or not. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 19:58, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) I don't know either. Too much of this is just a list. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]]  (Pressroom)  (Accomplishments)  20:57, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *I'll be beefing up the sections to make them less listy soon. Unit 8311 20:55, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Erm, just no. The introduction is awful, and tells very little about the story of the game, and is more like a comparison to the numerous canon games. Way too many lists, and what sections are written in paragraphs are far too short. In fact, the only section I see as being up to FA standards is "Gameplay", and that is in terms of length. Darth Abeonis Sith Council Sith Campaign 00:05, 20 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *Had a fiddle with the intro, is it any better now? And if not, what would you see as a good intro? Unit 8311 16:32, 11 March 2008 (UTC)
 * What about the rest of it? Darth Abeonis Sith Council Sith Campaign 20:44, 19 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Only 11 non-date links.
 * 3) *No section on game development (FWR 5)
 * 4) *Purely preference, but images are not staggered right-left-right etc.
 * 5) *Almost all of the images are incorrectly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:36, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) From the barebones and list-covered desk of Atarumaster88
 * 7) *Way too listy. This is a major concern, see above.
 * 8) *"The gameplay and feel is quite similar" POV unless supported by evidence. (intro)
 * 9) *Gameplay section is very weak. Limited or no description of interface, environment interaction, mission set up, campaign interaction, save points, locale, graphics rendering, or NPC involvement given. Nor are the stealth mechanics or visor options explained. This is a major concern.
 * 10) *"You will not get penalized if you do this. " Informal tone, reword.
 * 11) *For the record, the installment of Halo that you linked to does not feature re-charging health.
 * 12) *All uses of second person (you, your) must die.
 * 13) *All sorts of POV in the listy parts. I assume that when you re-write this, you will fix it. There's a difference between saying something is effective against armort and saying something is virtually unstoppable.
 * 14) *The characters section should absolutely not be a list. This a major concern.
 * 15) *Italicize class names. (Sentinel, e.g.)
 * 16) *Unless these levels are supposed to take 20 minutes to beat each, then the Levels section will need reworked. Rule 3.2 and 3.3. Lots of short paragraphs.
 * 17) *"Once he arrives at the vault, you are to cover Legion droids packing up the money there from various waves of attackers, starting with various low-level thugs to eventually Imperial militia to stormtroopers. The player must mix melee attacks with firearms, are there is almost no spare ammo available in the level. If you can find time, you can locate batteries scattered across the vault to activate auto-turrets to help you." Second person, wording issues in next-to-last sentence.
 * 18) *How does a Defiler hop onto multiple speeder bikes at once?
 * 19) *"beside the Defiler and swipes at him" Reword.
 * 20) *"There are powerful enemies around almost every corner and overwhelming amounts of them too." POV.
 * 21) *"the number of enemies the player must face doubles, but with Jandek helping you, this is not as difficult." Second person.
 * 22) *Multiplayer section is quite small and listy. This is a major concern.
 * 23) *Per above, a development section is needed. This is a major concern.
 * 24) *Skimpy BtS needs more, much more content. This is a major concern.
 * 25) *I'm so glad this won't be hitting stores any time soon, but at the same time, it's not hitting the FA list any time soon in its current iteration; it's far from complete and lacking in quality. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:32, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) **I have addressed a portion of your demands, my master, but recognising the volume of them and the limitations of thou servant's time, I will regrettably have to sort the rest at a later time. I hope that thou will forgive me for this. Unit 8311 18:22, 14 July 2008 (UTC)

Approve

 * 1) Well done. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 17:56, 9 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Good job. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:48, 8 July 2008 (UTC)

Disapprove/complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * Almost all of the images are incorrectly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:44, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Fixed.

Comments

 * It is a great species! RHR fails to dissapoint. And I know im using NKSCF line. Sorry but it does. --  Arav the Undersith ( Talk Page ). 06:21, 29 May 2008 (UTC)

Approve

 * 1) Good job. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 18:03, 9 March 2008 (UTC)

Disapprove/complaints

 * 1) It's a good article, with promise, but I don't think it's FA material quite yet. There are a few things that can be done to make the article better. Here's a list of the most obvious things:
 * 2) *Remove the bullet points from the infobox; they're not needed.
 * 3) *In the infobox, add to the "Personal information" section, or hide it (insert hidep=yes).
 * 4) *Expand, or merge as appropriate, all sections with the possible exception of The Brotherhood of Darkness.
 * 5) *Expand Legacy, Personality and traits and Talents and abilities.
 * 6) *Put a bullet point in the BtS section, or remove it completely.
 * 7) *Fix the categorization.
 * 8) *Fix punctuation in the introduction.
 * 9) *Thats all I can find for the time being. Darth Abeonis Sith Council Sith Campaign 22:17, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) *Done and done [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] My page iChat What I've done 20:05, 25 March 2008 (UTC) 08:51, 28 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 12) *Dangerously near Mary Sue.
 * 13) * None of the images are properly sourced. Solus  (Bird of Prey)  20:48, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) **Fixed the images, but I disagree with the first one. How do you believe it's a Mary Sue, and how do you believe I could rectify this? [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 16:46, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) ***Um...let's see how I can explain this.
 * 16) ***#Respect from a well-known canon character has potential for Mary Sue, unless handled right. Love from a well-known canon character automatically adds a whole lot of Mary Sue points - there are next to no exceptions of that rule of thumb.
 * 17) ***#Visiting well-known planets has potential for Mary Sue. Visiting a well-known planet that no one is supposed to have visited, that almost no one knows about, and doing something important there adds loads of MS points.
 * 18) ***#Having an army has potential for Mary Sue. Suddenly getting an army adds many MS points. Suddenly getting an army that can challenge a well-known government is an automatic MS point jackpot.
 * 19) ***#There are several other minor things, but that's the major stuff. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:58, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) ***#* I see. How would you propose I change this without actually screwing up the storyline and would you believe it to be too MS for the other DL's to support? [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 17:02, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) ***#**I don't know, on either count. For the first, either somewhat of a rewrite or scrappage is in order, but I don't suggest the latter, the article has potential. As for the other DLs, how about you ask them? I can't speak for them all. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:05, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) ***#***I see. I'll wait to see what the other DL's think first. [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 17:11, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) I agree with Solus on what he's currently said about Mary Sue characteristics. This is my opposition until I read through this article again to see if it's up to standards in other regards. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom) (Record) 16:44, 9 July 2008 (UTC)

Disapprove/complaints

 * 1) Expand personality/traits and make a talents section. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 17:05, 16 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Per NK. Also, The Tarsik Campaign could either use expansion or the huge paragraph could be broken up. That's just me looking at visually, as I'll do a more in depth review of the entire article later. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]]  (Pressroom)  (Accomplishments)  17:07, 16 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *I expanded the personality and traits as well as created a Talents section, however I'm not sure how to break up the Tarsik Campaign paragraph. Keep in mind I'll get around to creating a seperate article for the Tarsik Campaign, so if it seems to not have enough info, it's because I only put in what specificly involves Tarvin. Tarvin Calaan 21:12, 16 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 5) *Dangerously close to Mary Sue.
 * 6) *Only 5 non-date links.
 * 7) *Almost all of the images are incorrectly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:52, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
I really don't mean to be a nag here, i know u guys are reading other articles but it's been more than two months since i've gotten any feedback on how to make this article better. I've made a few changes that u recommended so any further advice would be much appreciated.Tarvin Calaan 23:31, 8 June 2008 (UTC)

Approve

 * 1) Much awaited. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 17:15, 16 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) I re-wrote this to FA standards, so yes. Darth Abeonis Sith Council Sith Campaign 20:33, 16 March 2008 (UTC)

Disapprove/complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Very Mary Sue-esque.
 * 3) * image:Taris-eaw.jpg, Image:YVCapture Beast.jpg, Image:250px-VongAftermathOnDuro.jpg, Image:Suddenrestoration.png, Image:800px-TUF2 cover Japm.jpg, Image:Starwarsgalaxy-Sith Empire.JPG, Image:321px-AntaresDraco(b).jpg, and Image:DAOssus.jpg are incorrectly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:59, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **All images have been sourced correctly. Darth Abeonis Sith Council Sith Campaign 11:44, 10 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
It's not a disapprove, but when the hell is this going to be passed? Obi Maul12 (Meet a Warrior) (talk to me) 17:35, 16 April 2008 (UTC)
 * First, chill out since this really has nothing to do with you. Second, we said flat out that we weren't really approving/opposing any FA nominations because we were waiting for the new rules to be approved. We're also busy with the FA Review. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom) (Record) 18:49, 16 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Okay, but just saying, since it's been up for almost a month and a half now. -- Obi Maul12 ( Meet a Warrior) (talk to me) 22:21, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * We're currently in the middle of reviewing 70 articles in a massive FA review. Seriously, Joe, it's none of your concern. If Jasca was concerned about how long it was taking, he'd say something. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 22:49, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
 * I understand that it's none of my concern. -- Obi Maul12 ( Meet a Warrior) (talk to me) 23:05, 28 April 2008 (UTC)


 * This is the Dark Lord of the Sith of Star Wars Fanon. HE must be brought to supreme power. He must be a featured article! And.... he will...eventually. --  Arav the Undersith  ( Talk Page ). 06:18, 29 May 2008 (UTC)

Disapprove/complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Only 13 non-date links maximizing the use of only 10 'pre-canon' links.
 * 3) * Image:Vaderemperor.jpg is not sourced properly.
 * 4) **Done.  Wing   msg 13:39, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) *I don't know...it just seems that this article needs so much more. Especially considering the subject matter. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  21:03, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Disapprove/complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * Image:EsCape.jpg is not sourced properly.
 * 1) Personality is Mary Sue-ish. - Solus  (Bird of Prey)  16:35, 9 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
Another one. -- iChat What I've done 08:27, 9 July 2008 (UTC)

Disapprove/complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) No BtS. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:36, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) This is also a big concern for me, and currently the only one I have because I have to take a look at the article once more to make sure it's up to FA standards rather than just GA standards. For the authors, please don't take what the FA requirements say literally and only put one fact. This is a collaborative article in a massive collaborative project. There is a lot that you can say here. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 16:43, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *Just to clarify, what sort of stuff should we put in a BTS? All I can really think of right now is simply 'this was a collaboration between Darth tom and Unit 8311, who decided to make this article a GA because they felt like it', or words to that effect. Or should we give some sort of whole background to the project? Unit 8311 12:45, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Any background you give for context should be minimal. Rather than telling you what I think should be in there, which would be hard, I'll give you a recent example of mine - the Kal'Shabbol Civil War. The Behind the scenes is a two-parter. The first part covers the initial development, where I got my ideas for the basic plot and all that. The second part, which was mostly from Solus, went over where he got his ideas which were a great deal of cultural and religious undertones. Read that and then read the one on Ussej Padric Bac III and Narod Antrell. I think these three are fairly good "BTS guides", so to speak. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 16:23, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I added a BTS. Not the best in the world, yes, but it's all I could think of. Unit 8311 19:52, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * That is not in any way a FA-worthy Behind the scenes section. There's absolutely no detail about anything. Also, the article lacks a Legacy section. It's required to have one. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 17:46, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Thought you might say something like that. A legacy section could be done by splitting the aftermath in half, but considering the war isn't over yet (and won't be for at least a few more months) any such thing would be very short. I'm not saying it can't be done, by the way. And yes, I know the BTS is too short, but considering that I just thought virtually all of it off the top of my head and tom added a bit, there's almost nothing to say in terms of inspiration and development. Get my drift? Unit 8311 19:38, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I've been asked to weigh in on this (probably some sort of hazing for new DLs :-P) and I've taken a peek at just the BtS for this article. 3 short sentences on this isn't what I'm looking for an in FA BtS. Who wrote the various parts of the article? How was the outcome decided between the users? Who came up with the idea? With the name? When was this designed? How does it fit into the overall war (partially addressed)? Were there historical/canonical influences? All of these things should be included in a BtS of a collaborative battle article; the fact that multiple contributed to this design process means that it should have a nice, meaty BtS. One of the things from Wookieepedia that I'd like to instill here is that a BtS is just as important as the actual history/biography section, even if it's only a tenth of the size. If it's got the == double equal signs ==, there should be some thought put into it. And that's all I've got to say about that.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:36, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Enlarged the BtS by tons, sorted out Legacy issue. --[[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 11:19, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the irradiated desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * "arguably a major turning point." The word arguably tips off my POVmeter every time.
 * 3) * "full nuking of half the planet" Reword that please; how do you do a "full nuking" of half the planet.
 * 4) * "Nuking" is too informal; reword on sight.
 * 5) * "offering all Redharn critics ammunition." Ammunition for what? Their blasters?
 * 6) * "which was dangerously near the frontier of Necasian territory, and was heavily rich in resources, meaning a bonus to the war effort of both sides." Stilted wording/some POVishness.
 * 7) * "that they could buy these transmissions basic encryption codes" Reword this; some confusion.
 * 8) * Italicize class names of ships.
 * 9) * "However, Necasian DarkBirds were able to drive some of the gunships away, despite Invado's treachery, although Srav flak was filling the sky, meaning that Necasian air support was limited, with only a few Zayre daring to make the treacherous descent down to the planet." Run-on.
 * 10) *"chances of Redharn failing and he usurping" Uh?
 * 11) **Better, but some context on what he would be usurping would be nice. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:51, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) * Don't ever use nuke either, unless you're changing its definition from "nuclear weapon"
 * 13) *"They pushed on, intent on destroying the remaining Sravs" Unclear antecedent.
 * 14) **The wording is fine; the unclear part is the "They". Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:51, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) *"and the destruction was total." Reword this; it's rather weaselly.
 * 16) * "The battle had been an utter disaster, with the manipulative Askar Invado orchestrating" POV.
 * 17) * "be born with horrific deformities" Horrific is POV.
 * 18) * " Cul-Huq nearly all of its technology and designs" Missing verb.
 * 19) * "and expanded current sections already put there by Unit 8311, to raise the standard." Clarify what this means.
 * 20) *I would link to its GAN.
 * 21) *These are relatively simple fixes and I think they could be cleared up easily. Overall pretty good. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:01, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) **Your concerns have been addressed, my lord. If there is anything else you request from thy humble servant, please state so. Unit 8311 18:11, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) ***Thou hast done well thus far. Make thy two last obeisances and ye shalt gain the stamp of approval from mine Desk. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:51, 14 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
First Project Cruentus FAN. -- iChat What I've done 08:27, 9 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments

 * Just throwing it into the nominations, its been a GA for a month or so (maybe longer)... --  JM  76  Ask   Archives  [[Image:Sabersmilyjm76.jpg|20px]] 19:10, 14 July 2008 (UTC)

Approve

 * 1) Just maybe. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:29, 14 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments

 * Let it not be said that I didn't pound this on the Desk first. Did a pretty thorough copyedit, though I might have missed a few things.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:29, 14 July 2008 (UTC)