The Fanon Menace/Season 2/Episode 34 script

Battle of Death Star II -Luke confronts Vader/Luke defeats Vader and both turn on Sidious/Frank and Qui-Gon knock Sidious off ledge/Leave for party

 Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

 When’d you get here?

 I’ve been here the whole time. I just decided that now was as good a time as any to turn my chair around.

 Oh. Ok, why do you want us to fight?

 So that you can defeat me in anger, kill me in cold blood, thus completing your transformation to the Dark Side and becoming his new apprentice, which will crush any hope the Rebellion ever had.

 Whose side are you on, anyway?

 Sorry…that’s the Anakin in me coming out.

 You are forgiven, my not-so-young-anymore apprentice. Now, you must fight.

*Luke and Vader battle it out, Luke finally winning and chopping Vader’s hand off*

 Very good. Now kill him, and your transformation will be complete. I am the X of the entire Domain, and you could be my right-hand man, Luke Skywalker. All you need to do is kill him. All that power could be yours.

 You want me to kill my own father? I won’t do it. I am a Jedi Knight.

 Then, you must die.

 Die? How are you going to kill me? Whatever you do, I can always just be put back together.

*Palpatine Force-lightning’s Luke’s hand, which flies off and melts*

*Luke gasps*

 Yes, young Skywalker, now you see the full power of the Dark Side. But it is only too late, isn’t it?

*Palpatine blasts Luke again; Luke deflects it with his lightsaber, the blade of which melts*

 Yikes!

*Luke and Palpatine fight, Luke dodging and then throwing things at Palpatine, Palpatine using Force lighting.*

*Vader sneaks up behind Palpatine*

 Stay away from my…*lifts Palpatine* ugh…son!

 What? You can’t! You swore to be my loyal apprentice!

<Vader> You didn’t read the fine print.

*holds up contract*

*cut to contract: I, the undersigned, hereby swear to be the loyal apprentice to Darth Sidious, aka Palpatine, Dark Lord of the Sith, and perform, in his name, any and every dark deed he asks me to perform, including those as vile as commanding the sinister forces of the Domain, wearing a black suit and mask, and faking a Southern accent FINE PRINT: until the last day of 4 ABY.

<Thrawn> *enters* Happy New Year! Happy New Year!

<Palpatine> *gasps* I forgot about the fine print!

<Vader> *without accent* You’ve made your last mistake, Darth Sidious. For Padmé!

*throws Palpatine into pit*

*Vader removes his helmet, revealing Anakin’s face*

<Anakin> Phew, it smells in there. Nineteen years of the same helmet…anyway, let’s get out of here before your friends kill the gravity again*

<Luke> Sounds good. Let’s go.

<Palpatine> Not so fast, traitors!

<Vader> Didn’t we go through that already?

<Palpatine> Point. Not so fast, outlaws!

<Vader> Much better…wait, didn’t I throw you into the pit?

<Palpatine> No, you imbecile, you threw me off the balcony. I merely hit the floor, got up, and climbed back up the stairs. Now you will both die!

<Qui-Gon> Not so fast, Palpatine.

<Frank> Your reign of terror has gone quite far enough.

<Palpatine> Qui-Gon Jinn, the benevolent Jedi Master! Aren’t you dead?

<Qui-Gon> Far from it, Darth Sidious, the mastermind behind it all. Frank, who is invincible at the limbo and I have been keeping tabs on your actions and the actions of all the major characters in the galaxy. And, Sidious, your time has come. As a Culprit, you must pay. It is time for you to leave us.

<Palpatine> Leave? You mean…

<Frank> Into the pit you go.

*Frank knocks Palpatine into the pit *

<Palpatine> Curse you, Aqua Scum…

<Luke> What was that all about?

<Frank> I have no idea.

<Qui-Gon> Well, we must leave. And you should, too, because the victory party on Endor will be starting soon.

<Vader> Alright, we’ll see you there.

*all exit*