Star Wars Fanon:Good articles/Nominations

Star Wars Fanon's Good articles The good articles of the wiki are articles that represent the norm of Star Wars Fanon. Articles that no longer meet the criteria can be proposed for improvement or removal at Star Wars Fanon:High Priests.

What makes a good article or what article should you nominate to be good? To answer that, we've prepared a list just in case someone should ask that, and it is as follows.

An article must&hellip;


 * 1) &hellip; be identified with proper era icons.
 * 2) &hellip; be well written, comprehensive and detailed; however, not to the extent of the requirement for a Featured Article.
 * 3) To be well written, the article must have a prose that is engaging and of a professional standard.
 * 4) To be detailed, an article must be written in an encyclopedic format with no point of view in the detail, though that detail is not excess nor irrelevant; instead, the detail must also contact all relevant major facts and plot points.
 * 5) The article must acknowledge and explore all aspects of the subject and cover every encyclopedic angle.
 * 6) The article does not need to have a finished storyline.
 * 7) The article must be clear, using a logical structure written in plain language.
 * 8) The article must follow standard writing conventions of modern English (ie, correct grammar, punctuation and spelling).
 * 9) All grammar and spelling must be one hundred percent accurate. The High Priests and voting members of the community will inspect all of it to make proper edits.
 * 10) &hellip; have an introduction of at least one-hundred and fifty (150) words that summarizes the entire topic and prepares the reader for the greater detail in the following sections.
 * 11) &hellip; follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, categorization policy, as well as all other policies.
 * 12) &hellip; contain enough images where appropriate, but the page is not cluttered or overstocked.
 * 13) &hellip; ensure that all images in said article follow the standards of sourcing in the Image policy.
 * 14) &hellip; not be tagged with improvement tags at the time of nomination.
 * 15) &hellip; have absolutely no red links, as they must be filled with at least stubs or not be linked to at all.
 * 16) &hellip; have no links in section titles.
 * 17) &hellip; have a brief "Personality and traits" section that generalizes the character's said personality
 * 18) &hellip; be stable, meaning that it is not the subject of any edit wars and that the content does not change significantly from day to day, reversions of vandalism and improvements based on suggestions not applying.

How to nominate:
 * 1) First, nominate an article you find to be worthy of Good Article status by putting it at the bottom of the list below. Add GAnom to any nominated article. Please nominate in this format:
 * ===Article name ===
 * ====Support====
 * ====Oppose====
 * ====Neutral/comments====
 * 1) Others will object to the nomination if they do not believe that the article is good enough. They will then supply reasons for doing so and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
 * 2) Supporters will adjust the article until the objectors are satisfied
 * 3) The GAnom banner should be placed at the top of all nominated articles.

How to vote:
 * 1) Remember, you can only vote if you meet the requirements of the voting policy.
 * 2) Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely and keep a sharp eye out for mistakes
 * 3) Afterward, either support or object the article’s nomination
 * 4) If you object the nomination, you must supply concrete reasons for doing so, as well as your suggestions as to how the article can be improved. If you do not provide a valid opposition, your vote will be removed.
 * 5) As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters and anyone willing to improve the article. Action will be taken to please the objectors.
 * 6) To be a Good Article on Star Wars Fanon, a nomination must have at least eleven votes, of which at least four must be contributed by High Priests. Articles will remain on the nominations track until they receive the required amount of votes or until the author pulls the nomination, but they need to be on the nominations track for at least one week even if they receive the required number of votes before then.

In addition, put the number sign, #, next to your name so the votes can be counted. Please sign your posts as well!

High Priests, please be sure to place HP before each of your votes, to identify all High Priest votes.

A small blue check in the top right corner of an article's page indicates that the article is a good article.

Current standings

 * 1) Tiberius Henry Zaren (7)
 * 2) Gloaranian (1)
 * 3) Rhadé Sarasvati Nalanda (-3)
 * 4) Raymus Drewton (5)
 * 5) Shizu Lanmaw (4)
 * 6) Battle of Kothlis (Cruentusian War) (7)
 * 7) Hayai Oujou (-1)
 * 8) Second Battle of Bakura (Dark Order War) (5)
 * 9) Johun Othone (-1)
 * 10) Exodus from Had Abaddon (1)
 * 11) Kal'Shabbol Civil War (1)
 * 12) Daklif Ordo (1)

Support (0 High Priests/1 user/1 total)

 * 1) I did all editing to make it qualified for the "good article" thing.-Endor chicken
 * 2) *I fixed all the mistakes. But what’s wrong with the animals they’re based off of. And for lions and bison, off curse they do exist in that galaxy. If it “far, far way”, why are there Humans, dogs, cats, horses, ducks, rabbits, chickens and all those other creatures there? Sorry to disappoint you.-Endor chicken
 * 3) **Uh, when the hell have you ever heard a bison mentioned in Star Wars? Does this link take you anywhere: ? Heh, no. Deal with it. Secondly, I don't mind them being based upon it, but, in my opinion, this is a crossover. --[[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 16:47, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *To be fair, a crossover from what? "Real life" is not a genre. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom) (Record) 17:30, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ***Fair point... well, there's still the other matters, and my opinion that 'Bison' should be kicked out, and that it's plaguerism. [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 19:55, 19 June 2008 (UTC)[[Image:Colonel_Raibat2.jpg|thumb|right|120px]]
 * You can't plagiarize real life, Tom. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom) (Record) 17:27, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Not talking 'bout that. I mentioned it was a bit too similar to Shapeshifters in my opinion. [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 05:51, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Not meaning to kick in to this, but this is SW Fanon, and he can have bison if he wants. After all, there are several species in Star Wars which also exist on Earth.&mdash; Darthtyler http://images.wikia.com/swfanon/images/1/18/Scuba_Diver.gif Talk 23:10, 23 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

 * 1) It needs the Ga nom thing on the article first. Second I am with Obi. Until you have fixed the article up, this vote will be an oppose. Nice job Obi! [[Image:AndeLeg.jpg|20px]] Arav (talk ) 06:05, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) It's really not a bad article. However, there are quite a few technical errors (ie grammar, spelling, and tense.) Obi and tom have already listed the various mistakes throughout the article. Therefore, I don't see the need for me to repeat them. After they're fixed, I'll suppor this.
 * 3) These are my quibbles:
 * 4) *In the introduction: ‘Slavory’ should be ‘slavery’.
 * 5) *In ‘Biology and appearance’: ‘apperances’ should be ‘appearances’
 * 6) *In ‘Males’: ‘normaly’ should be ‘normally’.
 * 7) *In ‘Society and Culture’: You say: ‘If a Lone Gloaranian’, when it should be ‘If a lone Gloaranian’.
 * 8) *Same section: ‘homeworld’ should be ‘homeworld’.
 * 9) *I see the name ‘bison’ mentioned. Do these exist in Star Wars? Heh, no.
 * 10) * ‘Skills and talents’: ‘fallowing’ should be ‘following’.
 * 11) *In the section ‘Males’: ‘It seems likely that the function of stripes was camouflage, serving to hide them from their prey’ Per the MOS, this should be past tense, so ‘It seemed likely’.
 * 12) *Do lions exist in Star Wars?
 * 13) *Same section: ‘normaly’ should be ‘normally’.
 * 14) *To me, it seems to be a bit of fanon stealing; ‘Yawo’ sounds too much like Brandons ‘Yahweh’, and they resemble Solus’ shapeshifters very much.
 * 15) **To comment on that, Tom, Brandon did not come up with "Yahweh." --Victor (talk) 04:30, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) *In the ‘History’ section, that quote is appalling; no one speaks like that. You don’t have to mess up every word. And referring to a Wolf as ‘hot look’n’ is just…
 * 17) *To me, it seems to be a combination of fanon stealing, and of a crossover of wolves. This will need work.
 * 18) *Expand the history section. Far too small; it’s just a brief skim-over at the moment.
 * 19) *The history section should also be made more interesting, as the current one bores me.
 * 20) **--[[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 20:21, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) Per above. Really isn't a bad article, although I agree with Tom's arguments regarding the fanon similarities regarding the Shapeshifters.  Wing   msg 16:36, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) Per all the above-mentioned errors. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 08:11, 3 August 2008 (UTC)

Neutral/comments
Under Biology and appearance: Under Skills and talents:
 * "The Gloaranian’s coat was made up of long guard hairs that repelled moisture, and a wooly under fur which provided some insulation." Wooly to woolly.
 * "A Gloaranian’s mane increases in size, helping it look more imposing, and also protected the head and neck during fights." The sentence is a run-on, and/or is hard to understand. Needs to be fixed.
 * "The Gloaranians; with their long legs, enormous paws, and great stamina, enabled it to cover distances of 32km/h (20mph) or 38 to 64km/h (24 to 40mph), to more at an energy-efficient 10km/h (6.2mph) trot." The semi colon needs to be changed to a comma. Another broken sentence as well.
 * "This way, the nose is protected down to -60*F (-51*C)." Tense.
 * "In summer, when their tails become more slender do to the shedding season, they would use them for keeping away Vampire flies." "Do" to "Due".
 * "The thumb was even opposable, do to it being able to touch all the other digits." Same.
 * "However, because of their isolation, they did not measure time or by the galactic calendar, but by their instincts." Remove "or".
 * "...a 12-16-month old cub or pup would be considered a kid..." Remove the dash between 16 and month.
 * " All the other bones; which included the neck, clavicle, shoulders, sternum, ribs, chest shape, spine, pectorals..." ";" to ",".
 * "Their scenes were also well developed." Scenes to senses.
 * "And when prey was far away, usually before fallowing xyroid migrations, they could use their highly sensitive ears to search for “humming” Kio berries, a fruit often eaten by Gloaranians when meat food was scarce." It's a broken sentence, and fallowing should be following.
 * "But not being able to see color helped the females a great deal, usually helping it find its way through snow or finding and fallowing prey." Same.
 * "The Gloaranians sense of smell was about a hundred times better then that of a Human’s..." Apostrophe needed.
 * "Another ability the females possessed was by using their anal scent glands at the ends of their long brushy tails for a variety of reasons."
 * "But when danger was near, the females would use this anal gland as a weapon; by squirting a foul-smelling liquid from 12 feet right at the danger’s eyes." Broken sentence, ";" to "," after "weapon". You may want to change "the danger's eyes" to "the threat's eyes" as well.
 * "Sharo was proven to be one of the most force-sensitive members of the species, discovering lots of various force powers that were not yet discovered since that time. " Change "lots" to "a number of", and "were not yet" to "had not been". Remove "since that time".
 * "...only to the extant of her species, a Varanian, and a few similar animal species. No other Gloaranian in history was known to have this ability." "Extant" to "extent", and "was known to have" to "was known to have possessed" or "was known to possess."

If the above objections are solved, I will read the rest of the article. Good job, though, Endor chicken. -- Joe Butler (Obi Maul12)  (Chow) 04:39, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I'll review it tonight. [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 06:04, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I'll take a look at this later. The infobox image gives me an interesting first impression. -MPK, the So-Called Free Man (The Free Man's Talk Page)|undefined 16:27, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Per MPK . Hopefully I'll have time to read it tonight.  Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 21:41, 26 June 2008 (UTC)

This is something I would support, but there are still one or two spelling mistakes. I usually don't judge articles on their source story, only on how they're done. This seems to be well written. Drewton  ( Drewton's Holocron ) 12:43, 28 July 2008 (UTC)

Support (4 High Priests/3 user/7 total)

 * 1)  Wing   msg 19:56, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Very good job, Wing. --[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 00:23, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Great job Wing! [[Image:AndeLeg.jpg|20px]] Arav  (talk ) 05:40, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Most certainly. [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 06:06, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Some of it, especially the quotes, is a bit too Star Trek, but that's not a problem with the article. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 13:03, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) This certainly qualifies.
 * 7) I read it again. It'll do. -MPK, the So-Called Free Man (The Free Man's Talk Page)|undefined 15:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

 * 1) I really like this article. There are some grammer mistakes. When they are fixed I will vote to support. Nice job Wing! [[Image:AndeLeg.jpg|20px]] Arav  (talk ) 05:48, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Grammar mistakes fixed. [[Image:AndeLeg.jpg|20px]] Arav (talk ) 05:39, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *You should be listing what these grammar mistakes are when you oppose an article, Arav. Just as a side note, I find it ironic that you've misspelled "grammar" in this opposition. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 05:58, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * [[Image:AndeLeg.jpg|20px]] <font color="Green">Arav (<font color="Green" size="1">talk ) 22:31, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Your article's pretty good, thought it does have some problems that need to be fixed. So here's my review:
 * Intro
 * 1) *In the second paragraph, "Thermobraic" should be spelled "Thermobaric".
 * Maiden Voyage
 * 1) *"Maiden Voyage" should be spelled "Maiden voyage" unless it's an actual event.
 * 2) *Twice in the first paragraph, once in the image, and once in the last paragraph, you spelled "Thermobraic" incorrectly. It should be spelled "Thermobaric".
 * Search for Loque
 * 1) *Once in the fourth paragraph, you spelled "Thermobraic" incorrectly. It should be spelled as "Thermobaric".
 * Personality and traits
 * 1) *In the second paragraph, "Thermobraic" should be spelled "Thermobaric".
 * 2) *For the most part, it was just the word thermobaric that tripped you up. It's quite a good article otherwise. Good job. --[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 18:39, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Whoops! Missed one. The first image in "Early life" says Tiberius with her father, Daniel. That should be his, don't you think?--[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 18:43, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Fixed.  Wing   msg 23:24, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1)  My quibbles are as follows:
 * 2) *In the ‘Introduction’ and ‘Maiden Voyage’ section, as well as once in ‘Personality and traits’, as well as ‘Search for Loque’, all mentions of ‘thermobraic’ should be changed to thermobaric.
 * 3) *In ‘Early life’: ‘his wife, Virginia Zaren, he was moved and raised by his parents on Coruscant’ should be changed to ‘his wife, Virginia Zaren. He was moved and raised by his parents on Coruscant.’
 * 4) *Same section: ‘manage the the’ should be ‘manage the’. Delete repeated word.
 * 5) *In ‘Maiden Voyage’: ‘he was farewelled’ should be ‘he was bid farewell’ or something on those lines. ‘Farewelled’ isn’t a word.
 * 6) *Same section: ‘undiverse’ should be ‘non diverse’ or something on those lines.
 * 7) *In the section ‘Great Expanse War’: ‘it's’ should be ‘its’.
 * 8) *Same section, same again, but regarding the Republic.
 * 9) *Same section: ‘Tiberius lead his fleet’ should be ‘Tiberius led his fleet’.
 * 10) *Same section: ‘what concerned him, is how the ground assault was going’ should be ‘what concerned him was how the ground assault was going’.
 * 11) *Same section: ‘The Dimeans crossed into the Inner Rim, sieging upon worlds’ should be ‘The Dimeans crossed into the Inner Rim, laying siege upon worlds’.
 * 12) *Same section: ‘Tiberius lead the defense of Hapes’ should be ‘Tiberius led the defense of Hapes’.
 * 13) *Same section: ‘maintain it's sovereignty’ should be ‘maintain its sovereignty’.
 * 14) *In ‘Search for Loque’: ‘must do what he believes is right’ should be ‘must do what he believed to be right’.
 * 15) *Same section: ‘The next competition would be a safe duel between the Dimean commander’ should be ‘The next competition was a safe duel between the Dimean commander’.
 * 16) *Same section: ‘Chancellor Jorben however, decided that Tiberius may keep his command for his service to the Republic’ should be ‘Chancellor Jorben however, decided that Tiberius could keep his command for his service to the Republic’. Past tense, remember.
 * 17) *In ‘Personality and traits’: ‘and it's planets’ should be ‘and its planets’.
 * 18) *Same section: ‘crew so much to the point, he resigned’ should be ‘crew so much to the point where he resigned’.
 * 19) *Otherwise, I really enjoyed the storyline and all round article; well written, and, if these are fixed, I have no problems with this becoming a good article. --[[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 19:23, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Fixed.  Wing   msg 23:24, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) I will not support Star Trek being shoehorned into SWFanon. -MPK, the So-Called Free Man (The Free Man's Talk Page)|undefined 17:50, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *It's not completely being shoehorned. The Expansion Region was the furtherest of explored space in 13,000 BBY. Someone would have needed to explore areas of it, which is why I am making explorers whom find these worlds and some worlds I make up. I am leading up to the exploration of the Mid and Outer Rims.  Wing   msg 21:39, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * MPK, assuming you're referring to the exploration stuff, then Wing's right. He's following a piece of canonical information in that the Expansion Region was the furthest explored space by the Republic at that time. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 21:49, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Although, I will admit some ideas were borrowed, but I don't see it as me shoehorning it.  Wing   msg 21:52, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Brandon, I find it preposterous that you of all people are defending this. -MPK, the So-Called Free Man (The Free Man's Talk Page)|undefined 22:49, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I'm defending the idea of having a story about exploration. TheStarWarsRP.Com has a timeline where the Republic has only explored to the end of the Expansion Region, which is where Wing got this from I presume, and that is based on a canon fact. Now, I'm not defending the actual story itself, because I have yet to read it. I'm simply saying there's nothing wrong with having a story about exploration. If it's simply Star Trek that you have a problem with, meaning the images he used, then answer this. Why did you vote for Conrad Bac and say "Brandon has yet to run out of steam"? Why have you never voiced any concerns about Jonathan Bac? - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 23:23, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * If the differences really go over your head, then attempting to explain it would be futile. -MPK, the So-Called Free Man (The Free Man's Talk Page)|undefined 23:38, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Again, I haven't read the article, but if it's simply Star Trek itself that you have a problem with rather than how it's used then I see this as nothing more than bias. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 23:39, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) My only objection is that there are not nearly enough links within the article. You make reference to all these different things and I would like to know more aboiut them. If it wasn't for that, I'd support even if it IS Star Trek. <font color="#008080">Katana <font color="#008080">Geldar  06:57, 2 August 2008 (UTC)

Neutral/comments

 * 1) Looks good. I'll review it tonight. [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 06:09, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * All right, I admit I was out of line. I'll give this a proper examination tomorrow. -MPK, the So-Called Free Man (The Free Man's Talk Page)|undefined 01:04, 27 June 2008 (UTC)

Is anyone else gonna look at it?  Wing   msg 22:50, 15 July 2008 (UTC)


 * I don't see a vote from you on the nomination for Gloaranian, so it's a bit impolite to start becoming impatient over how long your nomination is taking when you're not even extending the courtesy of a review to other nominations. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 23:28, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Support (1 High Priests/1 user/1 total)

 * 1) My only concern is that the article is not too long, not sure if I could make it longer as I didn't really want to ramble but there's no real guide as to how long the body of the article should be other than the fact it should cover all plot points (which it does). <font color="#008080">Katana <font color="#008080">Geldar  10:28, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Fixed it up, took out some of the headings. As for the images, how much does it matter they're 2D? it could be like she's in a comic. <font color="#008080">Katana <font color="#008080">Geldar  11:21, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Fixed again, made it longer. <font color="#008080">Katana <font color="#008080">Geldar  06:50, 2 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Everything's fixed. I won't lie - it's not exactly my favorite article and the sections aren't as elaborated as most GAs, but it meets GA requirements. Appropriate length is a relative term. It has to have "meat" to it, but there's no set length to a story.--[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 03:16, 19 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Lets get this party started.... <font color=#00416A>Arav the Undersith <font color=Blue>(<font color=#C3B091>Contact Me ) <font color=#00416A>(<font color=#C3B091>My contributions ) 05:50, 19 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) --Victor talk 06:19, 19 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Thanks guys, and of course if I decide to push it to FA status there will be extensions. <font color="#008080">Katana <font color="#008080">Geldar  12:10, 19 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

 * 1) The only way I will support an article with such a lack of detail in certain areas is if it is totally, 100% sourced from in-Wiki fan fiction narratives. As of the moment, it's not, so I won't support it until it is. My reasoning is that if this isn't information from only fan fiction, then authors need to take the time to come up with more information. If it does come entirely from fan fiction, it needs to be sourced. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 21:48, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Here are my quibbles:
 * 3) *Appearance:
 * 4) *Infobox image is too small.
 * 5) *The images are horrible, self drawn or not. I’d like to see at least the infobox image changed to get it to featured article status.
 * 6) *Most of the sections are far too short individually.
 * 7) *Spelling and grammar:
 * 8) *In the infobox: ‘height=1.72 metres’ should be ‘height=1.72 meters’
 * 9) *In the section entitled: ‘Battle of Naboo’, ‘assited’ should be ‘assisted’.
 * 10) *In the section ‘Imbroglio Summit’, ‘accompaied’ should be ‘accompanied’.
 * 11) *Same section: ‘realised’ should be ‘realized’.
 * 12) *In the section: ‘Battle of Imbroglio and Death’, ‘temporarilty’ should be ‘temporarily’.
 * 13) *Same section: ‘When the fighting ceased temporarilty, Jango Fett arrived with an offer of mercy if they surrendered,’ should be ‘When the fighting ceased temporarilty, Jango Fett arrived with an offer of mercy if they surrendered;’ Semi colon at the end or full stop.
 * 14) *In the section ‘Naboo Crisis’, ‘disgusing’ should be ‘disguising’.
 * 15) *In the section entitled: ‘Assassination Attempt’, ‘occuring’ should be ‘occurring’.
 * 16) *POV, Mary Sue etc.:
 * 17) *In ‘Personality and Traits’: ‘Despite being born in one of the more prominent Naboo families, Nalanda always did what was best for her people and the Republic she believed in’ Point of View and Mary Sue.
 * 18) *Miscellaneous:
 * 19) *What Brandon said.
 * 20) *Comments that aren’t an oppose:
 * 21) *It’s not badly written, just a few problems. --[[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 07:14, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * About the images, I did them when I was writing the story so I had a clear image in my mind of what Nalanda looked like and what she was wearing. The reason why the infobox image is small is that it has a low DPI and if it were bigger it would look pixelated. I have the original (it's a vector graphic) on my broken old computer but need a floppy disk to get it off there. Aside from the other edits, there's two I actually object to doing "metres" to "meters" and "realsing" to "realizing" for the simple reason that I am Australian, however there is the MOS and I have no choice I guess. I'll get to the editing.<font color="#008080">Katana <font color="#008080">Geldar  09:48, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Calling self-drawn images horrible is rather harsh, Tom. Not only will I say that I'd like to see you do better, but I'll also say that you shouldn't be concerning yourself with getting a better image for this to be a Featured article. You're here to judge articles and vote on articles for Good Article quality, and that means whether or not an image will look good on the main page is of no concern to you as a High Priest. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 13:43, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * As a High Priest it doesn't concern me, but as a normal user it very much does. --[[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 07:02, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Darth Tom, I can do something about the image quality of the pictures (give them higher res etc) but is there any reaosn to get them off there just because they look dumb? If you want bad-looking images, look at the gallery wardrobe page and see the ones I chose not to add (particularly the red one as it's a favourite of mine) <font color="#008080">Katana <font color="#008080">Geldar  11:43, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I see what you're saying, however liking the images is personal opinion. However, I've said that not liking the images isn't a point to oppose on, so that specific point isn't an oposition. [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 12:01, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) My fellow HPs have made many sitings. I'll simply  add a few more points.
 * 2) *The misuse of commas. While I have a great deal of sympathy in this matter, all grammar errors must be corrected.
 * 3) *”fought valiantly against the Military Creation Act.” Valiantly seems a tad bit POV to me.
 * 4) *Sections are way too short. There is a lot of room to expand this article. For example, in the Plea to the Senate section, perhaps you could explain how Rhade’s ship was damaged. I’m not trying to tell you how to write your article. I’m just trying to give you an example of how you might expound on elements of the work.
 * 5) *The quote in Early Life needs a period.
 * I'll right, it's updated, what's the verdict now? <font color="#008080">Katana <font color="#008080">Geldar  11:20, 27 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Some of the sections are too short (one paragraph?), there could be more detail, and section titles should not be capitilized. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 12:47, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Untill those matters are fixed, this vote will be an oppose.--<font color=#00416A>Arav the Undersith <font color=Blue>(<font color=#C3B091>Contact Me ) <font color=#00416A>(<font color=#C3B091>My contributions ) 22:43, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Fixed and made longer, what's the verdict now? <font color="#008080">Katana <font color="#008080">Geldar  11:14, 4 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Why is this at such a standstill? If it's STILL not long enough, tell me. <font color="#008080">Katana <font color="#008080">Geldar  11:54, 15 August 2008 (UTC)

Neutral/comments

 * I'll give this a look later as it seems all the High Priests are busy.  Wing   msg 15:13, 23 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I'll take a look tomorrow. --[[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 21:15, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I'll take a look at this later tonight or tomorrow night.--[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 19:35, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I'll have to look at this again. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 03:05, 18 August 2008 (UTC)

Support (3 High Priests/3 users/6 total)

 * 1) It's similar to Tarisian Drewton, but currently I don't have any fanon material that would make an article as long. I believe I've fixed all the spelling. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 12:37, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Edit away the improvement tag, and it's a fine article - looks very professional.--[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 19:35, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 17:01, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) --<font color=#00416A>Arav the Undersith <font color=Blue>(<font color=#C3B091>Contact Me ) <font color=#00416A>(<font color=#C3B091>My contributions ) 09:03, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Very nice.
 * 6) --[[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 06:53, 9 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

 * 1) The flies in the buttermilk:
 * 2) *“After the battle which had been taking place at the time they had landed, they were brought back to their homeplanet, Naboo, by Jedi Master Idnum-Ki.” That’s kind of awkward sounding.
 * Fixed. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 18:03, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *The Early Life section is too short.
 * There's nothing I can do about that because I don't have any other source material to use. The 'Death of Drazil Drewton' header is part of the Early life section. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 17:35, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *“Raymus Drewton was born in 42 BBY, a year after the birth of his brother Tarisian, on the peaceful planet of Naboo,[1].” Is a comma needed at the end?
 * Fixed. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 17:35, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *“When they were about to arrive…” They who?
 * Fixed. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron )
 * 1) *Commas are misused throughout the article.
 * I'll look through it again, but could you be more specific? Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 18:03, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *More later.
 * 2) It has improvement tag, that's really all I can see. It can easily be gotten rid of.--[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 19:35, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *It's not an improvement tag, exactly, but an advisory because there's major spoilers from a recent chapter. Still, I've remove it for the nomination. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 12:38, 1 August 2008 (UTC)

Neutral/comments
Drewton, just remove the links from the section titles (from 43 BBY–40 BBY to 43 BBY–40 BBY) for example, as that is breaking one of our rules, and I can support this. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 03:49, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I've removed the links, but the same rule applies on Wookieepedia, and year links in the section titles are an exception. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 12:45, 31 July 2008 (UTC)

Not here. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 08:10, 3 August 2008 (UTC)

Support

 * 1) Let's go. --  CurrentBigThing  ( Speak ) 17:24, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Everything looks good now. Nice article, and a good read.  Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 17:51, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Paragraphs are a bit short, but it looks fine by me otherwise. --[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 19:35, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Spell cheak finds no incorret grammer. Great article CBT. --<font color=#00416A>Arav the Undersith <font color=Blue>(<font color=#C3B091>Contact Me ) <font color=#00416A>(<font color=#C3B091>My contributions ) 11:50, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) --[[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 06:56, 9 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

 * 1) I have a few minor complaints. First, it needs the GA nomination tag. She's never said to be a Sith, so a Dark Jedi infobox would fit bettter. Additionally, ex-boyfriend sounds unprofessional.  Perhaps "former boyfriend"?  Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 14:20, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * One more thing still needs to be fixed. As Victor said, section titles should not be capitilized, besides for the first word of course. Question marks should also be removed. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 17:05, 31 July 2008 (UTC)

Neutral/comments
There are capitalization errors in pretty much all of the section titles (So make "Battle Of Lehon" into "Battle of Lehon" for example) and the behind the scenes could use clean up and expansion. There are a few grammatical errors, such as lack of apostrophe where needed (such as "Shizu learns of her brothers death"). Once all that is fixed, I can support this. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 03:52, 31 July 2008 (UTC) Also, 'Personality & Traits' needs to be 'Personality and traits'. Drewton  ( Drewton's Holocron ) 13:41, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Did what I could, let me know if I missed anything else Vic. I'm not quite sure how else to expand upon a Behind the scenes section either.--  CurrentBigThing  ( Speak ) 13:36, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Got it.--  CurrentBigThing  ( Speak ) 13:50, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Drewton's complaints have been addressed.--  CurrentBigThing  ( Speak ) 14:35, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Drewton's second complaint has been addressed.--  CurrentBigThing  ( Speak ) 17:48, 31 July 2008 (UTC)


 * Well you can talk about how she went into development and talk more about her creation, what inspirations she came from, stuff like that, in a more professional manner (with paragraphs rather than bullet points and without the bolding). It doesn't have to be too long, a 5-6 sentence paragraph would do, so long as it's neat and organized. Everything else seems fine. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 17:00, 1 August 2008 (UTC)

Support

 * 1) Cruentus's second GAN. Tom has been through this and I have added finishing touches, and IMO it's GA worthy. Unit 8311 18:24, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Hopefully Project Cruentus' 2 GA! --[[Image:AndeLeg.jpg|20px]] <font color="Green">Arav (<font color="Green" size="1">talk ) 11:08, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Now that the corrections have been made, this article is certainly worthy of GA status.
 * 4) Nice article. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 16:16, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Good article, but most of the quotes are bad. The one at the top was too thick, the ones at "The Svrav landings", "The underwater battle" sections were too goofy to take seriously, the one at "Prelude" was killed by its Vader imitation, et cetera. Regardless, the quotes don't bar this article from GA status as I see it. This project surprises me once again. Keep up the good work. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 22:02, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) You guys continue to impress me. I agree with MPK, the quotes are a bit different  and have cliché elements, like that "No disintegrations!" bit, but I liked this overall. --[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 19:35, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) --[[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 15:37, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

 * 1) The flies in the buttermilk:
 * 2) * Battle of Kothlis (Cruentusian War) I don’t believe that (Cruentusian War) needs to be a part of the intro.
 * 3) *”Kothlis, which was rich in resources and also a strategic point.” Strategic how? Militarily? Economically? Culturally?
 * 4) *”Necasians dug around…” Do you mean ‘’dug in’’?
 * 5) *”Realizing that he had been over reliant on the Zayre somewhat…” Would “Realizing that he had been somewhat over reliant on the Zayre…” sound better?
 * 6) *”Srav soldiers set about modifying the Necasian workshops…” how/why were the Sravs modifying workshops?
 * 7) *”The remaining Necasians on the island holed up at the highest point of the island.” Do you mean “held up?”
 * 8) *“Both the Sravs and the Necasians knew that the island after the next one was the central island of the archipelago, where the main Necasian command centre was located, and Askar knew that if said central island fell, the entire Necasian defense network for the archipelago would collapse and the Sravs could take over with impunity, and he ordered his troops to fight to the death, an order that they did not take to happily.” This sentence seems a bit long to me.
 * 9) *“Taking to the skies, the DarkBirds engaged the Yukels in the sky…” Using skies and sky in the same sentence ''ke this seems a bit repetitive.
 * 10) *“NWD-STI88 anti-air missile launcher s” Typo.
 * 11) *“However, Askars calls for reinforcements were heard by Renard Curl…” I don’t think that however should be used at the beginning of this sentence.
 * 12) *Other than that, this article is pretty good.
 * Sorted all the above. Unit 8311 10:10, 30 July 2008 (UTC)

Neutral/comments

 * 1) I'll look at it soon. One thing I can say from looking at it is that the pictures could be a bit bigger, especially the wider ones which should be more than 200px. That's not a reason for oppose, though. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 18:32, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) This looks promising. I'll study it [the article] this afternoon. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 16:41, 30 July 2008 (UTC)

Support (0 High Priests/1 user/1 total)

 * 1) I have read over the GA requirements and this article meets them all. There were enough images. Good read. --<font color=#00416A>Arav the Undersith <font color=Blue>(<font color=#C3B091>Contact Me ) <font color=#00416A>(<font color=#C3B091>My contributions ) 09:16, 3 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

 * 1) The flies in the buttermilk:
 * 2) *“…his students "unique" style…” Apostrophe is needed.
 * 3) *“The student suddenly shifted his route and began thinking unorthodoxly about his style.” Prose try. I like it. The Manual of Style doesn’t.
 * Which part of the manual is it in conflict with? I'm not exactly certain what you mean. Cyril Khan 19:58, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * I don't really find it prosey (which means colorful wording that isn't very encyclopedic and better saved for a narrative work of fiction), but "unorthodox" is a POV as it's in the eye of the beholder. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 20:09, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * I edited and replaced the POV wording. Cyril Khan 04:12, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *“Cyril requested one day to train only with a weighted sword.” Stilted wording.
 * 2) *From the caption of Image:Hayaimeditation.jpg: “Cyril Ahlen Khan meditation over his unfinished combat form.” Do you mean mediates?
 * 3) *“Hayai Oujou, after perfection…” That’s just a little bit POVish. Maybe maturity?
 * 4) *“It is fair to say…” Tense.
 * 5) *“Unfortunately, the form that had devastated the sword masters of the Sith and the Bendu was not invulnerable.” Unfortunately is POV.
 * I have fixed everything besides the second . Cyril Khan 19:58, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Here are my quibbles:
 * 2) *It doesn’t read well; very stop starty, doesn’t utilise commas that much, and uses a full stop too much; try using some embedded or subordinate clauses, and throw in a few more commas.
 * 3) * In the introduction: ‘Hayai Oujou grew into a powerful anti-melee form.’ Powerful sounds like POV to me.
 * 4) *Same place: ‘One important advantage of the style is the use of never ending momentum.’ ‘is’ should be changed to ‘was’, so as to make it past tense.
 * 5) *Same paragraph: ‘A master of the form, however, would have perfected the precision and grace the style needs. A master of the style could take what first appeared to be a reckless technique and deliver a series of chained techniques that could devastate opponents.’ Double use of the word ‘master’ doesn’t flow so well.
 * 6) *Same paragraph: ‘The statement, “Every strike is a block, and every block is a strike,” has been used to describe the style.’ ‘has’ should be changed to had.
 * 7) *Same paragraph: ‘It was also, however, noted for one unusual trait.’ ‘unusual’ is POV.
 * 8) *Same paragraph: ‘The effects of using a lightsaber were then much more amazing’ ‘amazing’ is POV.
 * 9) *In the section entitled ‘History’, ‘Needless to say, the early version of Hayai Oujou was horribly unrefined’ should have ‘horribly’ removed, as it’s POV.
 * 10) *Images need to go from right to left. Unfortunately, the first image after the infobox should have been on the left, but it’s on the right. This means that the others are all wrong, and should be moved to the opposite side of the page.
 * 11) *Same section: ‘The heavy blade led to a unique execution of lightsaber technique.’ ‘unique’ is POV.
 * 12) *Same section: ‘By the time Cyril returned to the lightsaber, the style had changed drastically from what it had originally been.’ ‘drastically’ is POV.
 * 13) *In the section entitled ‘Description’, ‘Hayai Oujou was a devastating opponent in combat.’ Should have devastating removed; it’s POV.
 * 14) *In the same section, ‘Some users are noted for losing their lightsaber on their own accord by a poor transfer.’ Should have ‘are’ changed to ‘were’.
 * 15) *In the section entitled ‘Defence’: ‘The avoid and evade defense plan was quite genius.’ ‘genius’ is POV.
 * 16) *Same section: ‘It was not the dodges that makes Hayai Oujou’s defense so effective;’ ‘makes’ should be ‘made’.
 * 17) *Same section: ‘A master who fought this way was devastating.’ ‘devastating’ is setting my POV senses tingling.
 * 18) *As I said, it doesn’t flow too well, and didn’t make me that interested; quite boring, actually, in places.
 * 19) *In the section entitled ‘Requirements’, ‘but it was extremely useful.’ ‘extremely’ is POV.
 * 20) *Same section: ‘Dodges often times needed power in order to be effective.’ Doesn’t make sense. --[[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contributions) 08:47, 18 August 2008 (UTC)

Neutral/comments
I believe this complies with the requirements. Cyril Khan 00:57, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I'll have a look at this tonight or tomorrow night. --[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 19:35, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I will read it soon. I like the character picture. --<font color=#00416A>Arav the Undersith <font color=Blue>(<font color=#C3B091>Contact Me ) <font color=#00416A>(<font color=#C3B091>My contributions ) 11:52, 1 August 2008 (UTC)

Support

 * 1) I have spent an obscene amount of time on this article. Checking capital ship stats, calculating fighter numbers, finding names for the commanders, writing proper fleet and ground tactics, finding images, and so on for so long I don't even want to think about it. I made and nominated this article, therefore I support it. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 02:29, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Nice. Just be sure you change "Behind the Scenes" to "Behind the scenes". &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 08:09, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Good read. Love the pictures!--<font color=#00416A>Arav the Undersith <font color=Blue>(<font color=#C3B091>Contact Me ) <font color=#00416A>(<font color=#C3B091>My contributions ) 08:54, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Good work, PK. Unit 8311 16:15, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) I see nothing wrong here. THough, I would prefer the BtS section not to have bullet points.
 * 6) *I didn't want to put bullets in there either, but the only other options that I could think of were: A) Merging the Bts tidbits together into paragraphs, which wouldn't look good because most of them aren't particularly related and therefore it wouldn't be proper to combine them; and B) Have them separate, but not with bullets, which would look slightly less professional as I saw it. Neither appealed to me. The problem is that the different facts weren't substantial enough to organize in any other way. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 20:58, 4 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) Looks like you did spend a large amount of time studying up for this article. Very professional I must say. This should be the fruit of your loins. Anti-Formal  Come slang wit' me Work I've Put In 04:43, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) Very good, very good. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 13:58, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) --[[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 15:37, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) Went all-out didn't you? Excellent job. --[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 03:17, 19 August 2008 (UTC)

Support

 * 1) I tried my best to adhere to the Good Article Requirements  Anti-Formal  Come slang wit' me Work I've Put In 05:06, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Nice job. --<font color=#00416A>Arav the Undersith  <font color=Blue>(<font color=#C3B091>Contact Me ) <font color=#00416A>(<font color=#C3B091>My contributions ) 06:11, 4 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Per Tom. --<font color=#00416A>Arav the Undersith <font color=Blue>(<font color=#C3B091>Contact Me ) <font color=#00416A>(<font color=#C3B091>My contributions ) 05:52, 19 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

 * 1) Ridiculously excessive introduction, some improper grammar in section titles/image captions, with lots of very, very large paragraphs that need to be broken up. This needs general clean up before a proper review of the article can even be made. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 08:08, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *What improper grammar in section titles are you referring to?  Anti-Formal  Come slang wit' me Work I've Put In 17:49, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) As Victor said, huge paragraphs/per above. Not a bad article through. --<font color=#00416A>Arav the Undersith  <font color=Blue>(<font color=#C3B091>Contact Me ) <font color=#00416A>(<font color=#C3B091>My contributions ) 08:33, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Per above. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 12:57, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Flies in the buttermilk: This article is seems to border on full-scale Mary Sueism. “Gifted” seems rather POVish to me. Moraled isn’t a word. Grammar mistakes
 * 6) *As a High Priest, aka. someone who has been tasked with reviewing and putting a stamp of approval or disapproval on an article, if you feel that that there are grammar errors then you should be going through this article line by line, documenting them and then posting them here. If you're not going to do that, you shouldn't be reviewing them at all. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:12, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) *I meant gifted as in gifted with Clairvoyance and could you give me an example on how it "borders of Mary-sueism" ? Anti-Formal  Come slang wit' me Work I've Put In 18:20, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) General comments
 * 9) *Try varying “Johun” with “Othone”.
 * 10) *I don’t usual count storyline problems unless they’re completely ridiculous (which this is not), but Johun’s ability to use the Force comes too quickly. Don’t count this as a reason for oppose, but that part could be better.
 * Introduction
 * 1) *“Mediocre” should not come before “male Jedi Knight”.
 * 2) *The first sentence would read better as “Johun Othone was a male Jedi Knight during the Old Republic era. He was born in 1019 BBY on Sermeria. His parents were two kindhearted farmers.
 * 3) *In the third sentence, there’s an unneeded space before a comma.
 * 4) *Spelling: In the first sentence of the second paragraph, “Chancellors” needs to be “Chancellor’s”.
 * 5) *Spelling: In the second sentence of the same paragraph, “its” needs to be “it’s”.
 * 6) *Spelling: In the third sentence, there’s an unneeded space between the period.
 * 7) *Spelling: In the second sentence of the third paragraph, “Aros Bena’en” needs to be between commas.
 * 8) *Spelling: In the same sentence, there needs to be a comma before “only to have him killed by Darth Zannah”.
 * 9) *Spelling: The same sentence could be split into two.
 * Early life
 * 1) *The first paragraph should be split into two at “The Sith tracked them there”.
 * 2) *“Sith” needs to be linked to.
 * 3) *“Entire” sounds better than “whole”.
 * 4) *In the first sentence of the second paragraph, “and” sounds weird.
 * 5) *In the second sentence of the same paragraph, “and” is used twice.
 * 6) *Force Push should be linked to.
 * 7) *The paragraph could be split at “At the exit of the tunnels”.
 * 8) *Spelling: There needs to be a comma after “For months”.
 * 9) *Jedi needs to be linked to.
 * 10) *1008 BBY needs to be linked to.
 * 11) *Spelling: “Choosing” needs to be “chosing”.
 * 12) *There are two times when “Force” is not capitalized.
 * 13) *Spelling: A colon would work better than a comma before “Johun”.
 * Padawan
 * 1) *“Senate” needs to be capitalized and linked to.
 * 2) *“Hoth and Johun crusaded around the Outer Rim doing missions for the Senate and the Council”. What Council?
 * 3) *Spelling: “they’d” needs to be “they would”.
 * 4) *“In the chaos following this, Lord Gale and his Force would sneak up from the rear of the western turrets, which were the most effective, and jamming the turrets, causing them to explode which, according to Johun’s vision, would send shrapnel and debris flying at the eastern turrets, scattering the troopers operating them and giving Kiel Charny's force time to occupy the frontward space of the Sith encampment.” Commas are extremely misused here. I think you mean to add “which” before “according to Johun’s vision”, also.
 * 5) *Spelling: In the second sentence of the fourth paragraph, there needs to a comma after “However”.
 * 6) *“However, Johun would eventually be faced would the greatest of them all:Darth Bane. Johun foolhardily engaged Darth Bane”. There needs to a space after the colon, and Darth Bane should be called simply “Bane” in his second mention.
 * 7) *Vary “Bane” with “the Dark Lord”.
 * 8) *Spelling: The fourth sentence could be split at “the greatest of them all:Darth Bane”.
 * 9) *Sith lightning needs to be linked to.
 * More later. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 14:41, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Here are my quibbles:
 * 2) *In the introduction: ‘Rain,apprentice’ should be ‘Rain, apprentice’; space between the words please.
 * 3) *In the section entitled ‘Padawan’, ‘gatthered’ should be ‘gathered’.
 * 4) *In the section entitled: ‘Taking a Padawan’, this doesn’t flow so well: ‘. For four years Johun and Drevint whisked around the galaxy searching for Zannah. Johun came close to catching her on, where he found the body of Darth Bane, who she had killed and usurped.’ And should be changed to: ‘. For four years Johun and Drevint whisked around the galaxy searching for Zannah, and Johun came close to catching her on , where he found the body of Darth Bane who she had killed and usurped.’
 * 5) *In the section entitled ‘Death’, ‘occassionally’ should be ‘occasionally’.
 * 6) *The image layout look dreadful; they interrupt the text and don’t look pleasing to the eye. Have them going from left to right, and only put images at the beginning or end of paragraphs.
 * 7) *Same section, ‘Sit’ should be ‘Sith’.
 * 8) *Same section: ‘Zannah's unofficial apprentices, since after Darth Cognus' death there was no heir to the Sith throne, had became true Sith and combined their forces into one deadly front.’ Makes no sense whatsoever.
 * 9) *Same section, ‘sucessful’ should be ‘successful’.
 * 10) *Same section: ‘him.It’ should be ‘him. It’
 * 11) * In the ‘Personality and Traits’ section, this: ‘As a Padawan Johun followed his Master's orders without question with the occasional exception, mostly during times of stress.’ Should be ‘As a Padawan, Johun followed his Master's orders without question with the occasional exception, mostly during times of stress.’
 * 12) *In the introduction: ‘Johun Othone was a mediocre male Jedi Knight’ should have mediocre removed, as it’s Point of View.
 * 13) *Same section: ‘two kindhearted farmers.’ Same thing, but remove kindhearted.
 * 14) *I’d only read a part of it, and I already knew he was a blatant Mary Sue. The rest of it just added tons to that opinion. For example, he’s the only one to survive a number of attacks, manages to force push two Sith Lords away when he’s not even been trained… and it doesn’t just end there, sadly.
 * 15) *In ‘Early life’, ‘Johun was born to two peaceful farmers’ should have peaceful removed; it’s POV.
 * 16) *Same section, but with ‘who was fiercely protective’ and removing fiercely.
 * 17) *Same section, ‘on his parents farm until’ should be ‘on his parent’s farm until’.
 * 18) *In the section ‘Padawan’, ‘while they clumsily and hurriedly deployed’ should have clumsily and hurriedly removed, as they’re POV.
 * 19) *Same section: ‘However Hoth who had had similar thoughts before battle when he was younger, calmed his spirits’ should have an embedded clause, and be like this: ‘However Hoth, who had had similar thoughts before battle when he was younger, calmed his spirits’.
 * 20) *Same section: ‘despite his underdeveloped’ should have ‘underdeveloped’ removed, as it’s POV.
 * 21) *Same section: ‘eventually be faced would the greatest of them all:Darth Bane.’ Should be ‘eventually be faced would the greatest of them all: Darth Bane.’
 * 22) *Same section: ‘Johun foolhardily engaged’ should have foolhardily removed, as it’s POV.
 * 23) *Same section: ‘a vision of a devastating Sith’ should have devastating removed, as it’s POV.
 * 24) *Same section: ‘look for an wounded.’ Should be ‘look for any wounded.’
 * 25) *You’ve mentioned ‘Twi’Leks’ in the article; it should be ‘Twi’lek’.
 * 26) *I’d like to see lots more links to Star Wars Fanon articles. There’s no way this can reach FA with just this amount of links.
 * 27) *In the section ‘Jedi Knight’, ‘trained in an exotic weapon form’ should have exotic removed, as it’s POV.
 * 28) *Same section: ‘In an awe inspiring show of will’ should have awe inspiring removed. POV again.
 * 29) *Same section: ‘They told him that this act smacked of arrogance and grief-grief on his part that is.’ Doesn’t make sense.
 * 30) *Same section: ‘Council over Darovit testimony t find the hermit absent’ should be ‘Council over Darovit testimony to find the hermit absent’.
 * 31) *Same section: ‘Bane's Battle Precognition. His lightsaber skills had also improved’ should be ‘Bane's Battle Precognition. His lightsaber skills had also improved’ delete the double carriage return after recognition.
 * 32) *Same section: ‘However, she began to get lazy, underestimate them’ should firstly have lazy removed, and have the word ‘and’ placed before underestimate.
 * 33) *Same section: ‘Miraculously, the wrist healed itself, reconnecting with the rest with the rest of his arm.’ Removed ‘Miraculously’, as it’s POV.
 * 34) *Same section: ‘However, this did nothing to abate Bane's anger as Bane ran toward Worror and slashed all of his throats killing him and then turning and killing Farfalla almost immediately,’ should be ‘However, this did nothing to abate Bane's anger, as Bane ran toward Worror and slashed all of his throats, killing him, and then turning and killing Farfalla almost immediately.’ Insert commas please.
 * 35) *Same section: ‘him, frying him with his on lighting’ should have frying removed; it’s not used in the culinary sense, and so is used in more of a slang term.
 * 36) *Same section: ‘letting a stray bolt zing at Johun’ removed ‘zing’; it’s slang, and an absolutely horrible word.
 * 37) *Same section: ‘so Johun taught Drevint Form VI:Niman.’ Should be ‘so Johun taught Drevint Form VI; Niman.’ Or ‘so Johun taught Drevint Niman.’ Or ‘so Johun taught Drevint Form VI.’
 * 38) *Same section: ‘For four years Johun and Drevint whisked around the galaxy searching for Zannah.’ Removed ‘whisked’; it’s the same problem as ‘zing’.
 * 39) *Same section, ‘Apprentice Darth Cognus, a Rattataki Female.[Drevint engaged Cognus’ should be ‘Apprentice Darth Cognus, a Rattataki Female. Drevint engaged Cognus’.
 * 40) *In the section entitled ‘Jedi Master’, ‘The agents of a newly re-formed Jedi Covenant and asked’ should be ‘The agents of a newly re-formed Jedi Covenant asked’ couldn’t you think of a better word than ‘asked’?
 * 41) *Same section: ‘before taking a second apprentice:Aros Bena'en.’ Should be ‘before taking a second apprentice: Aros Bena'en.’
 * 42) *Same section: ‘He would start off training Aros in the lightsaber arts for about two years and finally, when Aros was thirteen; Johun began to help him nurture his Clairvoyance abilities.’ Should be ‘He would start off training Aros in the lightsaber arts for about two years and finally, when Aros was thirteen, Johun began to help him nurture his Clairvoyance abilities.’
 * 43) *Same section: ‘Aros had a knack for Clairvoyance’ stop using all this slang! We’re not your friends talking to you on MSN or something! Remove knack, and sort out the POV in there.
 * 44) *In the section ‘Death’, ‘In one massive attack, the unofficial Sith, Zannah's Sith, they called themselves assaulted the citadel.’ Should be ‘In one massive attack, the unofficial Sith, calling Zannah's Sith as they called themselves, assaulted the citadel.’
 * 45) *Same section: ‘past the Jedi s protecting the building easily’ should be ‘past the Jedi protecting the building’. Remove easily and the typo, as easy is POV.
 * 46) *In ‘Personality and traits’: ‘Johun was a calm, centered, and humorous’ should be ‘Johun was calm, centered, and humorous’.
 * 47) *Overall, not a terrible article. You should have run this through a spell checker first, and the POV in the article is just horrible, but that’s easily fixed. The problem is that it’s a Mary Sue, and a blatant one at that. You’d need large re-writes to fix that, and so I don’t feel it’ll be ready for some time. --[[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 16:42, 10 August 2008 (UTC)

Neutral/Comments
Paragraphs are typically 5-7 sentences in length. However, they need to be logically put together. Don't just count out 5-7 sentences and then break the paragraphs up. They need to be broken at logical breaking points. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 17:46, 3 August 2008 (UTC) I've started reviewing it. Drewton  ( Drewton's Holocron ) 13:59, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Well, uh, sorry about the introduction I couldn't find a way to shorten it without taking out relevant information and i'll shorten the paragraphs right now.  Anti-Formal  Come slang wit' me Work I've Put In 12:25, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * The paragraphs don't need to be shortened, just split. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 12:57, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * That's what I meant. How long to you recommend the paragraphs to be sentence wise?  Anti-Formal  Come slang wit' me Work I've Put In 17:45, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Thanks I'll make sure to do that.
 * Alright I've made sufficient changes- minus the introduction .  Anti-Formal  Come slang wit' me Work I've Put In 18:40, 3 August 2008 (UTC)

Support

 * 1) Look's good.

Neutral/comments
Because I nominated this article, I will refrain from voting until any possible complaints are rectified or until most people say that there are no complaints that need rectifying. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 03:11, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

Support

 * 1) One BR article reviewed. Check. Very good. I like all the LOTR images. But I guess that's my personal bias. BTW, the quote at the top of the page seems to resemble a William T. Sherman quote. I'll try to review Exodus tomorrow.
 * 2) *That's because it is a William T. Sherman quote. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea  <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 21:22, 13 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Fancy that.

Neutral/comments
Because I nominated this article, I will refrain from voting until any possible complaints are rectified or until most people say that there are no complaints that need rectifying. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 03:11, 13 August 2008 (UTC)


 * It's very Lord of the Ringy. --Victor talk 03:25, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

The images are, yes, but there's also a few drawings and then one from Troy in there. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 03:28, 13 August 2008 (UTC)


 * I know, I was referring to the images. --Victor talk 03:38, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

Support

 * 1) Hopefully long enough. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 02:49, 18 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) --Victor talk 06:18, 19 August 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

 * 1) The flies in the buttermilk:
 * Borderline Mary Sue.
 * I disagree. He was a warlord, but his ambitious was crushed through a single defeat. He has his weaknesses, which I can expand on. Yoda, Anakin, Starkiller, Grievous, Palpatine are all extreme Mary-Sues. Not that any fanon articles can be that Mary-Sue, but still. This is his backstory which I've been planning using for my series. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 20:22, 18 August 2008 (UTC)
 * That's why I said borderline. I'm not going to oppose the article because of some Mary Sue qualities. But the that fact that he is a warlord, in and of itself, gains the articles some MS points. Moreover, the fact that he has his own army that takes on galactic governments is also a bit Mary Suey. Granted, this articles is better than some. Just some things to keep in mind.

It’s like saying that he was in the Attack of the Clones.
 * Fixed. That was a silly mistake. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 20:22, 18 August 2008 (UTC)
 * “Before leaving, they set detonators on the ship, followed the explosion of the main Republic flagship.” Um…something’s missing here.
 * Slightly confusing, but I previously said "Ordo and his men boarded and sabotaged the Stoic's Joke, the flagship of Condular's governor, while another group boarded a Republic ship". It's redundant to repeat that. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 20:22, 18 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Okay, but "followed the explosion" isn't right.
 * “He single-handedly defeated two Jedi and organized an attack on a Republic and organized an attack on an ancient Jedi temple on Yavin 4, gaining him a reputation of a ruthless warlord” First off, if he’s going to do something incredible like single-handedly killing two Jedi, I’d prefer if you at least provide us with some details as to how he accomplished such a feat. Secondly, it should be the REpublic, not a Republic. I’m assuming that’s a typo. Thirdly, you use the words organized and attacked almost back-to-back. Try mixing up the wording a bit.
 * "A" Republic is a mistake, which is now fixed. I'll see about adding more detail. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 20:22, 18 August 2008 (UTC)


 * It actually isn't a problem in this particular case. Look at articles such as . "It is likely that Palpatine's reassurances also had the effect of perpetuating Anakin's lack of control."


 * Fixed. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 20:22, 18 August 2008 (UTC)
 * “A huge battle ensued, and while the Mandalorians fought valiantly, many of them died.” Valiantly is a bit POV.
 * “…half of which were almost already dead.” That sounds kind of awkward. Maybe you could take away the already or saying, “half of which were almost dead already.”


 * Fixed. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 20:22, 18 August 2008 (UTC)


 * Fixed. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 20:22, 18 August 2008 (UTC)

Start by fleshing out some of the character’s motives. Why does he want to take down the Nockudumey? Why did you go looking for information about Jango Fett?
 * I'll explain his reasons for taking down the Nockudumey, but his intentions for Jango Fett's information was clear in the article: his article contained the location of many surviving Mandalorians. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 20:22, 18 August 2008 (UTC)

Neutral/comments

 * I'll take a look at this later. --[[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contributions) 14:44, 20 August 2008 (UTC)