User:MPK

"The wise but slightly eerie old astrologer who spends most of his days up in the tower musing, but occasionally descends to bestow his specious wisdom on the court."

- Sakaros

Welcome to the userpage of MPK, the So-Called Free Man. Though I have written things here and am in fact working on a story when I have time, I'm much more notorious on here as a critic and a producer of navel-gazing essays and rants than I am of actual prose. I don't really write articles much anymore, but I do stalk the Recent Changes and/or the Chat Room from time to time. Also, I'm not that smart about technical issues, so if you have questions about infoboxes or something, I suggest you talk to our welcoming committee. -MPK, Free Man  14:28, December 16, 2016 (UTC)

Current Status
Resting from writing on here for now. Still I will lurk in the chat room when I fancy. -MPK, Free Man  00:54, April 21, 2017 (UTC)

Regarding My Articles & Other Writings
"It is, however, a relief to turn from that topic to another story that I never wrote. Like every book I never wrote, it is by far the best book I have ever written."

- G. K. Chesterton, The Everlasting Man

There is a certain number of articles made by me on this site (the greater percentage of them dealing with the incomplete so-called "Dark Order Continuity"). Until further notice, ALL of my articles and actual stories are to be considered out-of-date and therefore not entirely representative of my present and current self, much less of my true, great, grand, perfect vision of How Star Wars Actually Ought To Be. -MPK, Free Man  14:33, July 27, 2015 (UTC)

Speaking of Which, the Fanfics I've Written
"I never thought I'd ever have to say "stop writing so much" to you of all people."

- Firedance


 * River -
 * Through Glass -
 * Legends of the Jedi: Burning Bright -
 * Legends of the Jedi: The Beast of Rutan -
 * Legends of the Jedi: Your Weapon, Your Life -
 * The Betrayer -

Let's Play SWGB: Jedi Legends
I did a Let's Play of a terrible campaign someone made for  called Jedi Legends. It definitely wasn't enough for me to rant about it on IRC.


 * Let's Play SWGB - Jedi Legends (Slightly Updated and Revised, in a Zipped Bundle of .PDFs [And I Hope the Link Works)]


 * Let's Play Jedi Legends Prolouge
 * Let's Play Jedi Legends II - The Wrath of the Sith
 * Let's Play Jedi Legends Epilogue

Medal Case
"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever."

- Napoleon Bonaparte



Old Blurbs Entitled: Star Wars Books I Recommend In No Particular Order
 by Matthew Stover

' by Paul S. Kemp: Speaking as a guy who played ' and was sorely disappointed with its story and characterizations, I was very interested in this book when I first heard of it. Previously an uninteresting, completely blank slate of a character, is given his own personality and personal struggles in this adventure, and he is treated with no small amount of care. The other protagonists of the story aren't shirked, though - a supporting protagonist, Relin Druur, is a Jedi Master from the past who is grieving for the loss of his apprentices and facing his own inner demons, and his internal conflict and character development is masterfully presented. And shockingly enough, the inclusion of time travel in this Star Wars book does not break the story at all - and I seriously thought that it might. Overall, Crosscurrent is a very compelling story, epic but not so thickly-tied into the rest of the EU that it is stifled.

 by Sean Williams: I hadn't really made up my mind about what I thought of the story of TFU until I had read this book. While I was never quite as outraged as the majority of the community on the ramifications that the game had on the rest of the canon, I did see how the - in my opinion - overall well-written story was somewhat frustrated by its confinement to the cutscenes of a game. So it was a pleasant surprise that the novelization was able to tell the story so much better. Although the prose can occasionally feel lacking when it comes to fight scenes, the character of Starkiller and the sort of disposition and mind that the events of his life would produce is much more polished than the game was able to show, and even his relationship with Juno was handled better than I expected it to be. I'm still not sure what to make of the sequel, though.

 by Matthew Stover: Using a few paragraphs from a sourcebook about the as a jumping-off point, this book has the feel of a classic adventure with Luke and the gang fighting the Empire. Furthermore, the main antagonist of the book is exceedingly well-written - most people, myself included, probably expected to just be another dark-sider who's out to kill Luke and Leia because they're Jedi and so on, but Stover gave him a unique plan and fleshed out his character by making him a proponent of a different take on the nature of the Force, which makes the book a breath of sweet, fresh air when compared to much of the rest of the EU.

' by Paul S. Kemp: You might not know this, but the level of enthusiasm I have for this ' project that Lucasarts has got going was next to nothing. Still, I decided to give this book a try, having previously read Crosscurrent and expecting a decent read. I was surprised at what I found. The book follows three main characters whose paths are about to intersect - a smuggler trying to get money to support his daughter, the Sith Lord Darth Malgus seen in the TOR cinematic trailers, and a Jedi Knight gone rogue to avenge her fallen master. To my surprise, Kemp's book was able to present the character of Malgus in a light that will not be found many other places in regards to Sith characters - he is unexpectedly presented as growing increasingly disillusioned with the direction that the Sith Empire is going, what with the Emperor strangely suing for peace with the Republic, so his conflict is about genuinely differing ideologies rather than a simple power-grab that Sith are commonly associated with. He also struggles with his status as a Sith and simultaneously having a lover - the Twi'lek seen in the game's Deceived trailer - and while clearly a villain, he is written as a very original and dynamic character, an outstanding example for any fanfic writers who want to know what a "humanized" Sith ought to be written like. Not to say that the other characters are given less attention, though. The smuggler and the Jedi in particular have their own internal conflicts and they are just as fleshed-out. The story takes a number of individuals introduced in The Old Republic who were arguably throw-away characters who were originally created as shallow mishmashes of familiar established ones, and makes them into their own.

 by Paul S. Kemp: Having enjoyed the hell out of Crosscurrent and Deceived, I was very excited when I heard about this sequel to the former. I bloody well read the whole damn book in one day and wasn't disappointed. The book continues Jaden's adventures, as he and his smuggler buddies and, the former of whom Jaden is training as a Jedi, go chasing after a bunch of crazy Sith-Jedi clones who escaped at the end of the previous book. Like Crosscurrent, this book impressed me with its intriguing character development, legitimate suspense, and inclusion of well-thought-out bad guy characters who aren't Sith - not to mention several downright brilliant plot twists. In addition to Jaden (who in this story is given a greater backstory to complement the personality he was imbued with in Crosscurrent) and the gang, the story also follows Soldier, one of the Sith-Jedi clones. Under the guidance of one of their own, a religious zealot named Seer, the clones are searching for some eldritch entity called "Mother", hoping that it will cure their accelerating clone madness and illness. Soldier himself, as the only one who does not believe Seer or suffer from the cloning illness, is the odd man out in the group, and his own story - concerning doubt and purpose - mirrors some of Jaden's own. All this said, however, I don't think Riptide is better than Crosscurrent. There are a number of plot points that to my knowledge are never quite explained (such as where a few characters actually came from), and there is one instance where a character uses a Force power that I don't think should exist. Still, it's a damn good book, and like its predecessor did with time travel, it takes the tired old idea of Jedi clones and makes it work.

 by Sean Stewart: This book is simultaneously moving, captivating, somewhat chilling, and at certain intervals hysterical. My experience was somewhat marred from the fact that I've only been able to listen to the abridged audiobook version, but even it impressed me. Asajj Ventress is imbued with a legitimately deadly reputation, the "original character" Jedi protagonists follow well-crafted personal journeys, and the portrayal of the central conflict between Yoda and Dooku as they both try to turn each other is nothing short of masterful. This makes for a fine addition to the Star Wars canon.

 by Sean Williams: You would never guess it from the extremely uninspiring spiel on the dust jacket, but this book has a great cast of interesting characters and a surprisingly original plot. It's not a masterpiece addition to the canon, but it's far more than the mindless plug for the video game that it appears to be.

 by James Luceno

 by James Luceno

 by James Luceno: While not surpassing the Episode III Novelization as I had hoped, this is one of my favorites, filling in a lot of previously unknown history about Palpatine and Plagueis and their backstories to at least satisfactory degrees. Luceno does an excellent job at exploring the evolution and ideals of the Banite Sith Order and the relationship between Palpatine and Plagueis, as well as giving clarity to the backstories of Dooku, Sifo-Dyas, and others in addition to the book's main duo. Moreover, it's refreshing to be able to see Palpatine's machinations unfolding from his side for a change. Perhaps most impressive, however, is that he was smart enough to avoid shackling himself to the dozens of assumptions that fans had cemented in their minds about what had transpired between Palpatine and his mysterious master - one of which was that his recounting of the "Legend of Darth Plagueis the Wise" to Anakin was completely truthful. This book succeeded at both intriguing me and surprising me with the directions its plot goes in.

 by Tim Lebbon: I read this one without any deliberate familiarity with the comic series to which it is tied. That said, it makes for a great read. It stands out from numerous Star Wars stories with a minimalist cast of well-crafted characters, notably including a non-Forceful antagonist. The action is set entirely within a single star system where the ancient predecessors of the Jedi first settled, yet the book does a remarkably good job of making the Tython system feel just as big and rich in mysterious history as the entire galaxy does in other Star Wars novels. I also liked the portrayal of the philosophies of these pre-Jedi Jedi; their ideas of maintaining balance between the Ashla and Bogan completely dodge the common fanfic writer's conclusion that being "balanced betweeen light and dark" means that the hero can furiously blow people up with lightning but be completely emotionally stable (and while we're at it, our Jedi Protagonist is the first one I've read in ages of canon and fanfic who actually treats killing people with the sort of weight you would actually expect). The main conflict of two siblings, one who excels in the Force and another who despises it, is memorable and nothing short of chilling.

 by Brian Daley

Semi-Honorable, Footnotic Mention
 by Drew Karpyshyn - I used to have a positively glowing review of this book, which I pronounced as " a satisfactory and fitting conclusion to the story of the hero of KotOR I." In retrospect, I held that opinion of this book not because it's really that great, but because it pissed off all the KotOR fangirls so badly with its wholesale subversions of their expectations and demands of what should've happened to Revan and the Exile and all that malarkey. In truth, while it doesn't read like "a bad fanfic" as many decried, it instead does so (if I remember it right) as an okay-to-maybe-above-average novel. I think the best parts were those that dealt with Scourge and Revan. The author clearly knew what he was doing with the latter character, and if he wants to write him differently than all the fans would've wanted - you know what, fair's fair, he was one of the actual writers for KotOR. But when it comes to the character of Meetra? It is abundantly, even hilariously clear that Drew Karpyshyn never played Knights of the Old Republic II before writing this book. I think his research must have consisted in spending an hour surfing Wookieepedia with a notepad in one hand and a bottle of Jack Daniel's in the other. There's hardly a more adequate way to explain how he gets even the most basic parts of TSL's events wrong, on the few occasions where he references them at all. There's also quite a bit to do with the Sith Emperor - his plan of Force-draining the universe to death, his leaving the planet Nathema as a Forceless void, and so on - which seem like concepts and details that, while very similar to stuff from TSL, must have been so by accident - for, if it were not an accident, it would have been commented on as such. Overall - no, it ain't fantastic, and I think the story starts a downward slope when the three main leads finally join forces, but hey. If anyone had the right to do this, it was Drew Karpyshyn.

And Now For Some Star Wars Fanfics That I Don't Hate With The Burning Fiery Passion of a Thousand Suns, In No Particular Order
Whispers of Betrayal by Quiller of fanfic.theforce.net: Apparently written back in 2001, this story is one of many, many fanfics produced by people as their own ideas of what Episode III would/should turn out to be. Set during the early days of the Empire, it concerns a pre-Mustafar Darth Vader as he searches for Obi-Wan Kenobi and Padme, who are in hiding. Surprisingly well-done, WoB places heavy focus on how Vader is being consumed by his hatred for Obi-Wan, his need to have his wife back, and his refusal to accept that the latter has rejected him after his turn to evil. He is shown walking down a bloody path through Jedi and non-Jedi alike, his perceptions further and further twisted by Palpatine's machinations. WoB is actually the second part of a trilogy, but this doesn't make it difficult to read on its own, and I personally prefer it that way. I simply couldn't get myself engaged in the other two; they seem to focus on what Obi-Wan, Padme, and their allies are up to during this time, but I found them paling in comparison to the fleshing out of Anakin's fall and his apprenticeship to the Emperor. Overall, WoB itself is an engrossing but not too heavy read, representing the best of its kind.

A Marine Went to Jedi Camp by Goodwood of SWFanon: A fine piece of work, detailing the Jedi training of Laera Reyolé, the central character of the series introduced in the much shorter Star Wars: Death and Life. AMW2JC, while telling its own story with original characters, succeeds at keeping itself grounded in the "world" of KotOR, and I found it to be a remarkable improvement on Death and Life, which I thought had too little happening in it. Overall the series seems pretty solid and I should get around to reading the rest of it.

Does Not Want To Die by Solatium of fanfic.theforce.net: A short but engaging piece, showing the murder of the Jedi younglings from Darth Vader's perspective. Far better than it sounds.

Gnarltree by Persephone_Kore of fanfic.theforce.net: Detailing the origin of the dark-side taint of the cave of Dagobah, this story carries a certain sense of history, and like my own story River has been said to, feels to me like it sort of embodies a core part of the whole "Light vs Dark" aspect of the Star Wars mythos.

Star Wars: Saber Battalion by Goodwood of SWFanon: Just about everything I said about the previous entry in the series applies here, except more so. I might get around to coming up with more to say, but cannot be arsed at this time.

Imparting by Nom Inal of fanfic.theforce.net: Somewhere out in space, there's a planet that's basically the same thing as Ba'ku from Star Trek with an ancient Jedi Master living on it, and as some kind of tradition, every Jedi Master in the Yoda-Dooku-Qui-Gon-Kenobi-Anakin dynasty takes their Padawan there to learn wisdom and to carry fertilizer around. Yet, somehow, it's better than it sounds.

The White Room by Nemesis of fanfic.theforce.net: A short story in which Darth Vader goes back to Kamino to kill a clone of himself made by the Emperor that is no longer needed. Relatively stupid premise and the author's occasional failure to understand Star Wars tech aside (Jedi clones isn't supposed to work even decades later in, why didn't Palpatine keep the clone, you don't open a door by shooting it with an ion cannon, etc), it does provide an engrossing character piece in Vader and the clone argue back and forth about his actions, and it really makes you feel for the clone's plight - and not, by my estimation, in the exploitative wangsty way that you usually get from most people who try to write these characters. It reminds me of Kemp's Jaden Korr novels, in that it proves that Jedi clones are a concept that it is possible to do well.

Forgotten Flowers by GrandAdmiralV of fanfic.theforce.net: 'nother short story in which we see the execution of Order 66 from the perspective of just some random person whose planet is being fought over during the Clone Wars. I'm a bit of a sucker for stories where serious shit happens and the reader knows what it all means, but the narrator doesn't.

The Test of Wills by Julius Sykes: So apparently this guy wrote a novelization of Dark Empire I. And you're not gonna believe this, because I didn't believe it either, but it's really, really good. Sadly the link is dead, so you'll just have to take my word for it.

Last Testimony by Karohalva of SWFanon

''Rakata by Solus of SWFanon

Ignite the Stars by Jedi Trace and rhonderoo of fanfic.theforce.net

HEY, GOODWOOD
I'm sorry I never got around to reading that novel you sent to me. I should've known better than to make a promise I couldn't or wouldn't keep. -MPK, Free Man  13:12, August 22, 2016 (UTC)

HEY, SOLUS
Come back sometime, would you? I miss your sense of humor and how exquisitely you refused to give a crap about things that shouldn't have craps given about them. -MPK, Free Man  13:12, August 22, 2016 (UTC)

The Non-Comprehensive List of Star Wars Games That Really Flamingly Obviously Should Have Been Made But Never Were

 * 1) A Fourth  series game - Real simple, guys. Just keep the core gameplay, come up with some new single-player campaigns, and add some no-brainer new features - like customizable craft, more ships, atmospheric environments, more multiplayer game modes, and a basic mission editor. BAM. Best seller.
 * 2) A Fourth  series game - Seriously, like oh my gosh, Lucasarts. Just oh my gosh. But no, you just had to end the series with Jedi Academy: the expansion pack that tried to pass itself off as a sequel because it had, like, two extra weapons that Jedi Outcast didn't have.
 * 3) An Actual Strategy Game With Some Complexity, Resource Management, Diplomacy, and Non-Linear Development of Technology
 * 4) A  sequel - A first-person shooter from the Empire's POV. Too much to ask, guys?
 * 5) The Force Unleashed 2: Good Storyline Edition - Why did you do this shit where we play as the first game's hero's clone? Why didn't you make Kota the hero? That would've kicked ass.
 * 6) A  - I guess.
 * 7) Star Wars: Bounty Hunter 2 - A Boba Fett game, HELLOOOOO, GUYS?? IS ANYBODY IN THERE?

Quotes from IRC


 Also, I don't hate MPK. He's the one other soul in this entire place with as much hate in his body as I do, if not more.


 * 	"Comfort/friendship/angst" - few compound words can make me want to stick a gun in my mouth like that one.
 * 	:p
 * <Solus|Cheese>	I don't blame you.
 * <Goodwood>	Hurt/comfort is just as bad.
 * <TrakNar>	Obi-torture.
 * <Goodwood>	Both of those may as well be Friends with Benefits
 * <Karohalva>	"Hey, it's alright," he said. "I'm here for you. I'm your friend."
 * <Karohalva>	"But I feel so much...ANGST!" she shouted.
 * <Goodwood>	And then he stuck his penis in her vagina.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	And then John was a zombie.
 * <Karohalva>	"Well, fine," he said, "be like that, bitch," and shot her in the head.
 * <Goodwood>	XD
 * <Solus|Cheese>	XD

<Ataru> Nobody appreciates an elementary commentary on plasma physics these days.

<Karo|dead> It's like a home delivery service for your nerd rage, Freeman.

Other Quotes
"[I] would like to state for the record that as [I am] not in possession of a vagina [I am] thus in no position to comment upon its self-stimulation. However, [I have] observed that throughout literature the concept of "taste" is closely interwoven with the practice of verbal inhibition and physical ambiguity. This fails on both accounts."

- Karo, regarding a hideous KotOR fanfic

"I am thinking of geometry. Of squares and circles."

"Canon apparently. Who am I to argue with the incredible writing of KotOR II."

- Atarumaster88