The Fanon Menace/Season 1/Episode 4 script

Naboo:

< Padmé> Ah, Naboo. My homeworld, where I have my own house, my own stuff, and a body.

 Don’t get ahead of yourself, Padmé Amidala, who is sympathetic to kind people.

< Padmé> Well, Master Gui-Gon Jinn, the benevolent Jedi Master, all I wish is to be united with my person against the Battle Droids, the nice embodiments of destruction.

 There’s that noise again.


 * *QG steps through door and caution sign appears warning viewers of the morbid violence that’s about to happen. Audience hears a popping sound. QG walks out with Padmé, body and head together.*

< Padmé> Thank you.

Gesundheit.

< Padmé> What?


 * * QG walks off and OW appears.*

 OWK, who can do an amazing Jedi back flip, I think we need to take out some more droids.

 Yes, Master.


 * *QG + OW jump in and slice up some droids.*

 Begun the battle has.

 Why are you speaking like that?

 Like what am I speaking?

 Like that...stop it. It’s freaking me out.

 Much to learn you still have, my young padawan.

 I hope speaking like that isn’t one of them.


 * *JJ jumps in and slices up droids.*


 * *QG + OW fight DM. Force field closes in between OW and QG with DM.*

 You fight well DM, my childhood friend.

Thank you, so do you and your apprentice, OWK, who can do an amazing Jedi back flip.

 Thank you.

 What how did you get in here?

 I’m not entirely sure, all I know is I can’t get back out, so I might as well sit here and enjoy the show.

<DM + QG> Okay.


 * *They fight more, while OW watches.*


 * *DM accidentally force pushes OW across the pit.*

<DM> Stupid Dark Side power! Throws my aim off.


 * *DM goes into stab QG, and QG grabs him by the top of the head and lifts him off the ground.*

<DM> QGJ, the benevolent Jedi Master, you will not defeat me because…well, your benevolent.


 * *DM force pushes QG only to be pushed back over the pit and falls into it. QG walks up to pit and peers over.*

<QG> Goodbye my childhood friend.

<DM> *fading* As they say on Ghorman...I forgot what it was they said...

<OW> Uh, Master, a little help over here.

<QG> Nonsense, you can just jump it. Use your amazing Jedi back flip.


 * *OW attempts to jump over pit and falls in. He quickly grabs hold of a little notch in the wall and hangs on. He then force jumps up and grabs QG’s lightsaber, stabbing QG in the gut.*

<OW> oops. I kind of got caught up in the moment.

<QG> Its ok, my young padawan, it’s only a flesh wound. Now you are a true Jedi Knight.

<OW> Yes, master. Thank you master. Oh, and Master I’ve been meaning to ask you. How did you resist the force push?

<QG> I am 3x’s his height and I’m wearing the latest in fashion…magnetic boots.

<OW> Well, you always did have an eye for fashion.


 * *QG + OW walk out, QG with the lightsaber still in him.*