Forum:Decreton Lords - Third Featured Article Review

Due to the creation of new and stricter Featured Article requirements, it is important that the Decreton Lords once again take the time to issue any complaints they have about the current Featured Articles and decide whether or not an article should remain as a Featured Article or become a Formerly Featured Article. Please be sure to sign everything you say, including complaints and whether or not you wish to revoke Featured Article status so we know exactly who is saying what. Please be sure to repeat complaints, as it is important that all Decreton Lords have their voices heard.

Also, please be aware that while there is no immediate rush to do this, it is important to get this done as soon as possible. However, no one wants any of the Decreton Lords to feel as if they’re pressured into reading dozens of articles immediately. While you can certainly take your time, just be sure to have your reviews done within the next two or three weeks. The articles to review are as follows, separated into the categories they fall into on the Featured Article main page. Also, for anyone reading this, please be aware that only Decreton Lords can participate.

Notice:' As of July 1st, an additional reviews section has been added.

Review Process

 * 1) The Decreton Lords will review each Featured Article up to date at this point extensively, giving tips on organization and spelling/grammar structure, as well as making complaints in compliance with the rules. Things not in the rules, such as "I don't like the color of the infobox" cannot be counted against the article, but things in accordance with all other policies (such as Manual of Style) will be valid.
 * 2) Unlike before, all articles under review will remain under review for the entire time, which is one month, instead of being revoked after being voted against enough times. That way, the writers of these articles have substantial time to address complaints and suggestions.
 * 3) In order to retain Featured Article status, the entirety of the Decreton Lords must agree that the article is fit for FA standards, as goes the same for revoking. If the Decreton Lords are unable to unanimously agree on either view point, then whichever side (Keep or Revoke) has the most by the end of the review will "win" (this is unlikely since Decreton Lords should all be judging by the rules, not by personal opinion)
 * 4) Lastly, once the review is over, each review will be archived in each articles' respective Decreton Lord page (such as DL:Narod Antrell) for archiving and historical purposes.

=Review=

Complaints

 * 1) Okay, I haven't gone through the entire thingy for grammar and spelling, but a quick go-through tells me:
 * 2) * Only 16 links.
 * 3) * Image:Elf2.jpg, Image:Faethor.jpg, Image:Angel4.jpg, Image:Angel3.jpg, Image:Idril.jpg, Image:Michael.jpg, and Image:Angel6.jpg are not properly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  12:54, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * From the holy words of the desk of Atarumaster88


 * Last three sentences of intro, para 1, could be reworded to be clearer
 * Not to nitpick, but your infobox and the statement that only the males have wings appears to be contradictory, since that's clearly a female unless male Rohi wear dresses and have s.
 * "They appeared to be, from all known research, not that far biologically from Humans and several near-Humans." I think the word "species" should be tacked onto the end of that, but I wasn't sure. This occurs later on in that paragraph as well.
 * The rise of Lord Shatan has serious tense issues. Per the MoS, all IU articles should be in the past tense.
 * "As he prepared and planned, he commanded the more talented of his to devise ways of strengthening his army," The more talented of his what?
 * "Timæus was deceived by Lord Shatan, and the war that he led was later called the War of Megiddo, which was the most furious of any of the Rohi was then or since because of its intense use of their innate powers, which caused the destruction of the Taivas moon of Megiddo. " Run-on, rule 3.2
 * "Sometime after the fall of Timæus, it is not revealed just when, a legend concerning the Rohi plays out." Do something with that central clause. It doesn't read in an encylopediac format. A pair of dashes would help, but it could still be better.
 * The new wording of "Some time later, a Rohi legend is set, though its accuracy is not proven." still has tense issues and needs reworded. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:44, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * In the Timaeus's rebellion section, cut the "her fate is unknown" stuff per MoS.
 * "This interest was not in conquering them, they were content with their kingdom as it was, but because they felt guilty for being the race that unleashed Lord Shatan, the Imager, on the universe, and it was evident that other races were just as susceptible as themselves to Lord Shatan's lies." Run-on. That second phrase particularly gums up this sentence the way it's only delineated by commas.
 * "They made an effort to try and fight for the good and right for the Jiréh in the galaxy at large." POV and un-encyclopediac. Rule 3.1, Rule 3.2
 * "Though their participation seemed little, in many of the galaxy's wars, there were Rohi fighting for what the Jiréh deemed right, though some abandoned the Jiréh to fight for themselves." Wait, if the Jireh is the Force, when did it become plural? Please clarify.
 * A more detailed explanation of the False Prophet's "magic" is in order.
 * "Thus, the Archs, with the blessing of the Prophet, set out to enter the 'Outisder' galaxy and destroy the False Prophet for what he had done." Is that supposed to be "Outsider"?
 * "innocent bystanders." is POV.
 * "who was an extremely powerful Human." POV
 * Tense issues in culture and government, per MoS.
 * "There were almost never no more or less than seven Archs at one time. Archs were chosen by the Jiréh through the Prophet for their bravery,"–"never no more"? Reword.
 * Some uncreative wording in describing their psyches that could use variation
 * I'm not sure why all of that info was cut; some of it was useful/valuable. I'll discuss it in IRC, I suppose. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:44, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * "Rohi were, strangely, possessing of an innocent spirit, despite their talents as warriors, which makes it difficult for them to settle with other, more 'experienced' races. This innocence, not surprisingly, was lost forever when her or she turned to the dark." These sentences don't belong in the paragraph where they currently are.
 * "whether proven or unproven" weasel words, cut.
 * FWIW, "caducar" doesn't mean "fallen" in Spanish. It's an infinitive . . . the noun is different.
 * I'm not familiar with the play, but the typical spelling is "Lazarus", which is used by the Holy Bible.
 * Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I believe these are now addressed. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  18:03, 5 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yeah, darn it. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  12:54, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:20, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Until objections are satisfied.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *Cleared by the Desk. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:46, 20 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Affirmative, per the above analysis. I couldn't find anything else wrong with it. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 20:34, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) As before, I'm not about to go through and do grammar and spelling, kay?
 * 2) *Was never a GA.
 * 3) *Only 6 links.
 * 4) *No BtS.
 * Image:Garqi.jpg, Image:LorsananDissent.jpg, Image:Zenith.jpg, Image:Oozzinvonattack.jpg, Image:Circa33000BBY.jpg, and Image:Shiftersoldier.jpg are not sourced correctly.
 * 1) *Okay, this article's history isn't finished, but I don't know whether Species Requirement 2 denounces it or General Requirement 3.4 makes it okay.
 * 2) *No government and/or culture section. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:33, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * From the transmogrifying desk of Atarumaster88


 * "are a race of polymorphic creatures thought to be merely legend." If you specify who thinks them to be legend, it's not POV. Otherwise, it is.
 * "They are an interesting race, both plagued and gifted with their rare physiology that inadvertently can make them an extremely powerful opponent." POV
 * "They were, and may still be, a very artistic race, with reportedly many achievements in music and art in both aesthetic and architectural capacities, credited to their creative minds." POV, tense issues. You can't refer to something as if it still exists; all SWF articles are presumed to be written eons after their topic was written, per MoS.
 * "- a very efficient one by the records -" POV.
 * "The Chiss refused; Lorsanan'sondora was too great an asset to be set free, unless Lorsanan Tetres remained Chiss property." POV in small doses.
 * The "Declaration of Independence" needs the Quote template.
 * "It was a brilliant, if barbarous and cruel tactic of the Shaviantarth: the tactic of fear." POV and prosetry. (Given that "flowery prose" is copyrighted by Wookieepedia. :P )
 * "The Cloak was typically not elaborate, but it was striking; bearing the colors of the banner of Lorsanan'sondora." Another small dose of POV.
 * "Derran Leshir, though well knowledged and well taught in how to rule Lorsanan, was not prepared to try and recover from the War of the Lorsanan Dissent. Derran was, unfortunately, a weak ruler." POV.
 * Please decide between "Royal Guard" and "royal guard". Don't use "Royal guard", though.
 * "Right now they needed someone who could restore the planet to its original glory, for it to shine brighter in the years ahead." Prosetry.
 * 7th para (about Restoration) could do with some rewriting to make it less stilted.
 * "Because he was a common Shapeshifter, he was extremely and disproportionally popular." A small dose of POV here.
 * "She began rebuilding Lorsanan Tetres at a reasonable rate" POV
 * "Zenith ruled well. He was not a politician, but a general, thus his ways were more straightforward and honest." POV.
 * "the Remmeras were a devastating vehicle and soon became famous for ripping right through ships" POV
 * "Remmeras were slightly expensive and, as a result, not extensively used. " POV and clarification needed.
 * "twenty-eight uninhabitable but of value, and seventy-eight barren and worthless planets. They typically took over worlds peacefully, only using force when only extremely needed" POV.
 * Rewrite first paragraph of The Shannet. Multiple errors.
 * "He did not want to destroy the reptilians but instead just teach them Shapeshifter superiority was manifested as he led the charge against them" Tense?
 * "This was to erase from the Khavasskh's mind any hint that the Shapeshifters had won merely by technology, and had they not that technology, would have easily lost. That kind of rebellion was not needed in Lorsonan right then. Zenith IV showed great bravery during that marine battle." POV.
 * "So it happened that Zenith IV's cousin Visarinthal Karinak took the Cloak upon Zenith's tragic death." POV.
 * "Fortunately, it seemed a shame to him to waste all of that work, so he let the two Shannets be completed" POV.
 * Decide between Bullett and Bullett. If it's a class of ships, it's typically italicized.
 * "The strange ships allowed them to stray closer the most massive of the ships, " Missing a word?
 * Quote template needed in The Three Years War.
 * I don't see why "biologist" and "mutant" are given the single quote treatment; they're not Shapeshifti words, are they?
 * "In some later ground battles, the difficult-to-produce symbiots were released in swarms upon the Shapeshifters, rendering them much easier to kill, since only the very strong-willed ones could stand being 'jzarked' without soon falling, writhing to the ground." Unclear antecedent.
 * "However, a slightly ruined plan is better than none at all. " Ugh. Cut this or do something drastic to it.
 * Italicize all ship names (Honor, Fist, etc.)
 * "She died sixty-one years into her reign, three planets discovered during it: Rella, Risa, and Kowak III." Find some better way to transition these clauses.
 * I generally despise contractions such as "she'd" that serve no purpose other than shorten the verbs. That said, I'd prefer the other DLs state their opinions on this matter, since I think that objecting on those ground would be pushing 3.1 a little too far.
 * "The populations were growing, it wasn’t anything serious now, and the war had slowed it down quite a bit." Uh, the war is over, the sentence doesn't flow well, and some prosetry/informal tone/POV.
 * "Though opening up small trade with the ‘Oozzinvon’ was not a bad thing, it actually helped the economy, Shapeshifters had a tendency to hold grudges, and so, the Jiinine Rebellion began." POV
 * "ShaIn operatives discovered the staged act, and though publicized, the Juur’lan’iin denied it." Wording issues, or something.
 * "Lorsanan was now a prosperous empire, able to hold its own against most any foe they would come across. It had developed a rich culture, with philosophy and the arts being one of the high priorities, with patriotism first. However, dark times were approaching the empire." POV and prosetry.
 * Tense issues in physiology.
 * "Because using them was considered a dishonorable act and was severely punished by civil and parental authorities" You might want to clarify this; as it reads, using the pheromones at all is looked down upon. Perhaps you mean to say "inappropriate use" or something.
 * "An interesting facet of Shapeshifter physiology is that they become symbionts with their mate." POV, tense.
 * "The Shapeshifter’s ability to ‘shift’ is undoubtedly why it is so coveted, scientifically. " Tense, POV.
 * Tense issues in Shapeshifting.
 * Missing some subsidiary sections. No BtS at all? This is a major concern. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Aside from the above problems, I'm not sure an article should be an FA if it's reportedly under construction. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 20:39, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yes. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:33, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Affirmative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 20:39, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Yes. - Brandon Rhea (talk) (contribs) 15:57, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) As before.
 * 2) *This is written as if the author does not know of the species - as if they are a legend even though the author specifies it is not. There is no history, culture and/or government section, i.e., it does not cover every encyclopedic angle. (GR 3.3)
 * Ouch, did it really come across as that? Ah, well. I have a culture section at the end, and naturally, these dragons have no government. I have no history because I know nothing about evolution, which is what the requirements seem to want. I'll try at it, but don't hope for anything particularly satisfying.--[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 04:04, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I wasn't 100% sure which subsections would apply or not. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  12:09, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *Only 6 non-date links.
 * Actually, I have sixteen. Eight are my fanon links, and the other eight are canon links. I'll get onto the other four.--[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 04:04, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I meant links to SWF articles, I'm sorry I wasn't clear. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  12:09, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) * I don't know if it counts, but typically the Appearances section comes after the BtS.
 * Isn't it your job to know? I never saw it stated anywhere, so I don't think I'm violating anything here.--[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 04:04, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *None of the images are properly sourced. Some cite 'wikipedia' as a source, others give the source but nothing else - no description, nothing.
 * I wrote this before the new rules were intact. I'll get onto it, but seeing as it was so long ago, I may not find it.--[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 04:04, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *This is just preference, but the images are not staggered right-left-right-left etc.
 * Kinda trivial, but I see where you're coming from, as most articles follow this.--[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 04:04, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *The Physical characteristics section isn't nearly detailed enough, does not meet any of the requirements in SR 1.
 * Agreed, should be pretty easy to do.--[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 04:04, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *It also doesn't follow SR rules 2 or 3. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:58, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * You kinda already stated this in the first complaint.--[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 04:04, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the fire-breathing desk of Atarumaster88


 * "and was infamously famous for it natural, yet uncanny, abilities to breath fire." POV "infamously famous" makes no sense, missing a possessive, plural error.
 * "Armed with sharp talons, brutal fangs, and the powerful ability to spew fire, the Vujaara dragon was the dominate predator of Jaratenge." POV, and I think "dominant" is the correct adjective.
 * Present tense in intro.
 * "The tale, though, was a double-edged sword." Makes little sense in context. Rule 3.3
 * Present tense in physical characteristics.
 * "Among the packs of the Vujaara dragons, an alpha male primarily led them. Besides growing considerably larger than females, male Vujaara dragons grew large frontal horns. The longer the horns; the older the dragon. Alpha males also took the lead in hunting." Redundant and doesn't fit in the hunting and diet section.
 * You'll need to fix all the "it's"-->its.
 * "Vujaara dragons would cleverly hunt the Gatu bantha into a shallow souun pit and blast them with much fire." POV.
 * "Due to the fact than souun compounds were explosively flammable," than-->that?
 * "The most distinguishing feature of the Vujaara dragon was their uncanny ability to spew fire. " POV
 * Spell out numbers below twenty at the very least for professionalism.
 * Tense issues in "fire breathing".
 * "When two siblings found an infant Vujaara dragon, they took it along to play with it. Unfortunately, " What kind of siblings? They could be dragon siblings for all we know.
 * ", Ríoga Vujaara dragons spewed pure platinum-white flames with even more special properties. " FWIW, platinum is silvery. Second, POV.
 * tense in Etooso thing section.
 * "Studies show that the Vujaara dragon preference for the mountainous regions were according to the dominate packs." Tense, dominate-->dominant.
 * Tense issues in habitat.
 * Tense issues in Ecological role.
 * Tense issues in influence in legend.
 * Like other works by this author, I find the general prose quality lacking and make the same recommendations as I did above for this article as well-namely, read it aloud and see how it sounds, then reword it accordingly. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *"Infamously famous"? That's repeatedly repetitive, not to mention contrarily contradictory.
 * 2) *"known as one of Jaratenge's greatest tragedies, specifically because it was a true story." Could you change "specifically" to "mostly"? "Specifically" doesn't work as well when talking about legends.
 * 3) *I think almost any two of the paragraphs could be merged together. Having ≈4 sentences per paragraph is a little hard on my eyes.
 * 4) *"were extremely protective of their packs and families. One such occasion happened several hundred years before the Jedi Civil War." I think this would work better if changed to "One demonstration of this characteristic occurred" rather than "One such occasion". The "occasion" phrase doesn't seem to suit the rest of the sentence.
 * 5) *Image staggering would help.
 * 6) *"it was exclusively found only in the mountainous regions" Sounds repetitive. Using either "exclusively" or "only" but not both would help.
 * 7) *The others spotted all the other problems [that] I see. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 22:42, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:57, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Affirmative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 22:42, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Yes. - Brandon Rhea (talk) (contribs) 15:59, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Per usual.
 * 2) * No BtS.
 * 3) * Personal preference - Images are not aligned right-left-right etc.
 * 4) * Almost all of the images are improperly sourced, with only a few exceptions. Wookieepedia, Wikipedia, and 'the site where you found the screenshot' are not sources!
 * 5) *W/B R 1: [...] The section should focus mostly on the major aspects of a war and should not deviate into personal stories about characters that would best be saved for the character's articles. However, if parts of those personal stories are important to understanding events in the war or battle, then it is expected that they be included... Hm. That nixes half the article, doesn't it? - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:11, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) None. Can't find better sources than the original ones for the anime pics. Also, according to what you just wrote, the personal stories are relevant to the article, because of what they convey. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 08:11, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Good job with going through and sourcing the anime pics. However, the stories are still really pushing that rule. They're taken straight from char's respective biographies and are set up like short stories, one after another. As well, they are a little prosey. Ah, I'll let some other DLs voice their opinion on it and see if they think it breaks the rule. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  12:47, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Actually the sections in the character's bios are taken directly from this. I wrote this first. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 16:48, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Lol. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:31, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the bewildering desk of Atarumaster88


 * "It would show the besieged members of the Galactic Federation of Free Alliances that resistance was ultimately useless against someone as powerful as the Sith." POV!
 * "rivalries came to an end. Some tragic, like the passion-fueled duel between Ada Karr and Darth Bosszú. Others, brought an end to a necessary evil and strengthened the bonds of friendship, as was the case for Ichi Go and Renton Thur'ston in their duel against Darth Gloed and Darth Divat." POV!
 * Serious prosetry throughout article. This is a major concern, as the tone does not fit that expected of encyclopediac writing. This article will need rewritten entirely.
 * Section headers need to have their capital letters adjusted appropriately.
 * "Unfortunately, a young Fallanassi with delusions of grandeur," POV.
 * Way too much of this is quotes. This is a major concern.
 * Purge all rhetorical questions.
 * Section titles are not encyclopediac in nature.
 * "On a diplomatic mission to Teevan, he had found the woman of his dreams, however, she did not return the feelings. " POV.
 * "Thur'ston and Crailaon clans had met in a climactic battle on the plains of Teevan. " POV
 * "She was taught by the Sith had taken the name Darth Divat, after learning from the holorecording her mother had given her of what must be done to the Thur'stons." Reword, rewrite, do *something* with this please.
 * Far too many images in 2nd half of article.
 * Starting from "To Rid Oneself . . . " the article widely digresses from Almania, as it's on another planet. It gets sort of hard to follow through here, but that last bit needs to be tied in better with the overall battle instead of its current organization. Focus on the topic at hand, please, and slim down the rest to an acceptable Aftermath section. This is a major concern.
 * Barebones BtS needs expanded.
 * Nothing short of a complete rewrite will earn this approval. This is one of the (hopefully) few times I will give out that comment, but this is nothing close to an acceptable battle article. I gave up reading it for content about a third the way through. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2. POV is all over the fricking place. I don't even know where to begin, so I'll just say read what the other people said.
 * The quotes are excessive and don't add anything to the article. They just break the already strained non-POV appearance of the article. Besides that, most of them contain overabundant self-righteousness.
 * A lot of this article delves into information on the personal stories, which are only sort of related to the battle.
 * "a young Fallanassi with delusions of grandeur, contacted Darth Abeonis personally. He told of the agreement made between Nathan and the Almanians.": I'm sorry, but this is just ridiculous. Who is this delusional Fallanassi? What position did he hold? How did he figure out about the agreement in the first place? How did he possess the means to personally contact Abeonis, and why did Abeonis' subordinates permit the Fallanassi to contact him? You'll need to provide a better explanation for the Sith finding a reason to attack.
 * Who is Folapii? The article seems to assume I already know.
 * Why do the Sith always accept their enemy's offer for a mano a mano duel?
 * The force teleportation (I know you call it Ghosting) is a dues ex machina.
 * The sentences which focus on the duels with Ichi, Gloed, and the others lay it on a little too thick in the Department of Emotion Description.
 * Force Heal doesn't just heal stuff lickidy-split. Ok, sometimes it does, but I strongly discourage it being portrayed the same as it is in the JK series.
 * The section "To Rid One's Self of Burdens" has a truckload of information that is completely unrelated to the battle.
 * The Behind the Scenes is too scarce.
 * This last problem I'm going to list kills this article on its own. If this article is the Death Star, then this flaw is its Thermal exhaust port. Sure, it lacks safety rails and anti-fighter guns, but while those problems could conceivably be forgiven, this one blows the thing to freaking kingdom come.
 * When the article talks about the battle, where are the actual military commanders? Where are the tactics and strategies? What formation did the fleets use and when? What were the objectives? Where is the actual battle? I see no battle here. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 20:26, 26 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:11, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Nope. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 08:12, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Affirmative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 20:26, 26 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Per above.
 * 2) * Only 8 non-date links.
 * 3) * The BtS does not include what inspired the article.
 * 4) * Image:Bestineassault.jpg is not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:16, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) **The BtS has been expanded and the image is now sourced. --  JM  76  Ask   Archives  [[Image:Sabersmilyjm76.jpg|20px]] 02:46, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the victimized desk of Atarumaster88
 * APPROVED following review and revisions Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:16, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:28, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) No. I don't care that much about links. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Negative. The links "problem" is of no interest to me either. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 23:16, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) No. - Brandon Rhea (talk) (contribs) 15:59, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Same as before.
 * 2) * Only 10 non-date links.
 * 3) * BtS does not include the article's inspiration or development.
 * 4) *None of the images are properly sourced.
 * 5) *Can you say "Mary Sue"? - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:22, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) **10? I count 14 or so. The only really sourceable image has been sourced. The BTS, IMO, states all that needs to be stated, and whether it's Mary-Suey is opinion. Unit 8311 14:28, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) ***Non-date. Plus, 14 is still below 20. As well, all images can be sourced. For instance, Image:Steel - GDE Battle.jpg is a collage of several images. Where did these images come from? Wookieepedia is not a source - FA requirements dictate that the original sources must be used - the show, the card game, the movie, the comic it was from. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:34, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ****I've increased the links, but there's only one date link, and thats external. Anyway, I can't help with those images. I'll ask Tyler now. Unit 8311 14:48, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ***Okay. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:58, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * From the contradictory desk of Atarumaster88


 * I'm entirely nonplussed at your comparison of its "epic scale" to the Battle of Coruscant if you're referring to the ROTS one. Thousands of droids took part in that engagement vs. thousands of clone troopers. The paltry ground forces listed couldn't do that much damage without an increase of a couple order of magnitudes. In comparison, the had far more soldiers than the GDE had, and that certainly didn't destroy an entire world.
 * Spell out headquarters. Always.
 * Droideka, Infiltrator, and Super Battle Droid generally should not be capitalized.
 * Class names of ships should be italicized.
 * Your ground forces in the infobox are not accurate; they don't reflect the "sniper divisions", etc. in 8311's possession. You should at least avoid contradicting your own article.
 * "He placed his ships in strategic locations, and specially selected a squadron bombers for a run over the Palace's shield. " Confusing wording, missing a word, capitalization errors.
 * "Everything was going according to plan to Tyler. However, as the GDE fleet exited hyperspace, orbital mines were straight ahead." Rewrite both of these; poor tone.
 * While you're working on italics, make sure all class names are capitalized. "providences" should be Providences, for example.
 * You list that "hundreds of thousands of ships were destroyed every hour", but your respective articles have no proof that either faction had this many ships. Your infobox certainly doesn't.
 * "The battle was chaos. Ships were flying everywhere, capital ships were falling, many infiltrators and droids were dying. Each army could not withstand the amount of fire for very long. The armies were literally destroying each other." Prosetry. Rewrite this.
 * Consistently capitalize Force in reference to the Force, please.
 * ", although due to its abruptness and the fact that the GDE was not yet fully known," This battle cannot "go on for a long time" and be "abrupt."
 * "Then he came with a solution. Tyler's sensors were replaced with that of an unfinished battle droid's. All was well." Poor syntax, prosetry.
 * No context on a "Guardian".
 * The contradiction in this article is staggering, and the general quality of prose leaves much to be desired. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Objections addressed, sir. I'd like to make clear that I acknowledge the contradictory-ness, and I'd like to say that this can be boiled down to the fact that there were two authors making this, one of whom had a lesser eye for detail. Unit 8311 16:42, 20 July 2008 (UTC)

3. These quotes are simply football-to-the-wall ridiculous. One might be able to get away with goofy quotes when shooting for GA status, but this isn't tolerable for a FA.
 * The infobox is a little excessive; you don't need it to say Legion forces, then legion ground forces under that, and then what the actual ground forces are. The fact that it's a battle already implies that there are military forces, so you only need to list the military forces, rather than saying that there's military forces before listing them.
 * This is minor, but the infobox is also easier to read if you use just use numbers as numbers instead of spelling them out (for example, 150 instead of one hundred and fifty troops).
 * The "Behind the scenes" section is not nearly substantial enough. There is also no "Legacy" section.
 * "Both factions took casualties in the battle" - The fact that it's a battle kind of implies that already.
 * "on space and on the ground" - This should be in space. It's much easier to stand on a flat surface than a vacuum, no?
 * "The battle was comparable to the Battle of Coruscant in terms of its epic scale." - With only 74 capital ships? According to canon, the Battle of Coruscant had thousands of battleships per side. That number to me sounds ridiculous (how does a commander command thousands of battleships at once?), but your number is still far too low. As I see it, a truly gigantic battle would have to have approximately a hundred or so [main] capital ships. ~250 should be the upper limit when making a battle.
 * "However, upon learning of Tyler's usage of the Force, 8311 quickly considered Tyler a freak due to this. Viewing Tyler as a disgrace to droids, 8311 quickly declared war on Tyler, wishing to purge him from the galaxy, and communications between the two quickly broke down." - What the hell? 831 is so biased against Force users that he's willing to declare war on a galactic government with hardly a second thought?
 * "realized that he would have to end the conflict quickly to avoid being brought down by the Legion, which had forces and assets galaxy-wide" - Uh... I'll address the problem with this further down.
 * "akin to two chess grandmasters making initial moves with their pawns" - This analogy really isn't necessary.
 * "8311 was much more experienced with the layout of the city, which also gave him an advantage over Tyler's forces" - I guess this took place before visitor maps were invented.
 * "The orbital mines crippled Tyler's fleet above Nar Shaddaa." - ...meaning the battle is over. This poses several questions. How did 831 know where Tyler's fleet would arrive over the planet? Did he just seed the entire freaking system with mines? Wouldn't that pose a bit of a traffic hazard for the millions of passing civilian vessels, not to mention his own fleet? Either way, those mines would have to be insanely powerful to cripple one battleship, let alone the entire fleet. This isn't like in chess, where a pawn can take a suitably unprepared queen. It takes a while for a big ship's shields to be taken down.
 * "whilst this was happening, Tyler led forces in landing craft down to the planet to commence an attack on 8311's palace, using several decoys to distract Legion ground-space guns located on the planet." - Wait a minute, what happened to that mine field? I thought the Separatists would be abandoning ship by now and scrambling for the hills. And what about starfighter support?
 * "a large part of the GDE landing force was demolished due to Legion ion cannons on the surface targeting the landing ships." - How much did those ion cannons cost? Also, wouldn't they be more useful against the capital ships than landing barges?
 * "The Legion vessels were led by one of 8311's favored admirals, who had had experience serving in the Empire." - I'd like to know who this fellow is, where he came from, and what effect he had on the battle. He doesn't even have a name.
 * "Both sides were more or less evenly matched in all respects" - Uhh, except for the fact that Tyler's fleet was supposedly crippled. Ignoring that, it seems to me that the GDE should be getting trounced in this battle in almost all respects, since their capital ships are outnumbered by a three-to-one margin.
 * "In response, Legion ships deployed cloaked shadow mines which severely crippled the GDE's capital ships." - What, again?
 * "cloaked shadow mines" - Is 831 made of money, or do cloaking devices grow on trees?
 * "Both sides began boarding each other's ships and attempted to jam one another's communications, which resulted in interference with equipment all over the planet." - Interference across the planet? Why?
 * "caused critical damage to the Legion flagship, forcing the Legion space commander to transfer his flag." - "Transfer his flag?"
 * "further hindered both sides fighting on the surface." - Why has the surface fighting only been mentioned in one sentence so far?
 * "only to be shocked when the squadron was decimated by fire that came from nowhere." - "Fire that came from nowhere." Well, that makes sense. Moving along.
 * "deployed its specially modified cloaked V-wings, which began to wreck havoc amongst the GDE starfighters, boosting morale for the scattered Legion Z-95 pilots." - Again, where did these cloaking devices come from, and why weren't these V-wings mentioned in the infobox or anywhere else? Were they too stealthy for the authors to remember?
 * "buzz droids deployed by GDE Vultures in strategic locations crippled the squadrons of cloaked V-wings." - So the cloaked V-wings were nice enough to stay in their traffic lanes so the buzz droids wouldn't go to waste? That's the most convenient enemies I've ever heard of.
 * "with both droid and Legion technicians quickly converting various satellites and stations into missile platforms and communications jammers." - These things were built/converted in the middle of a battle? If that's possible, then why didn't the two sides just construct more battleships to replace lost ones during the fighting?
 * "disable many GDE droid starfighters with these comm jammers, giving its V-wings more breathing room." - Wait a tick. I thought the V-wings were crippled.
 * Wouldn't the business about the random pirates/smugglers be more appropriately placed in the Aftermath section, since they didn't have much of an effect on the battle?
 * "causalties were high" - Thanks for reminding me. "Casualties" was spelled wrong, by the way.
 * "Tyler and his personal contingent successfully landed" - What? You didn't even tell us that they launched yet. Weren't the GDE forces having trouble on the ground, anyway?
 * A lot of this battle seems to be a see-saw, with one side destroying a little of the other, thus boosting their morale, and vice versa afterward.
 * "also managed to destroy several Legion vehicle battalions by bringing down debris on them, which managed to even the odds slightly in favor of the GDE." - It's almost as if both of the authors were afraid to give each other more damage than the other.
 * "One notable sortie took place in the Legion's prestigious Imperial Casino, where GDE shock troops entered, surprising guests and attendees at the casino, intending to exploit the casino's strategic location in the city." - ...and this Casino had a strategic location... why?
 * This duel was preposterously anti-climatic for several reasons. First, how could this "duel" possibly last as long as described? Unit 8311 is a huge hulking grapple droid. All he needs to do is get within melee range of Tyler. All he has to do then is crush Tyler like a tomato can, or slash him apart (those claw hands of his could easily chop even a well-armored droid apart with ease). Hell, even a laser hit to the shoulder would take Tyler out of the fight.
 * The two furiously engaged in hand-to-hand combat, with Tyler nimbly dodging 8311's grapples. 8311 suffered damage to his midpoint, severely slowing him down, and Tyler lost an arm, heavily crippling and almost destroying him." - What? 831 is a heavily upgraded droid who, even unmodified, was obscenely dangerous against Jedi, with pincers that could undoubtedly slash a person apart with ease. Darth Tyler is a force-imbued B1 battle droid who not only doesn't have his lightsaber, but isn't even programmed for hand-to-hand combat. He can't fight hand-to-hand. Not only would it be impossible for him to make so much as a dent in 31's armor, but he has no way of surviving a single melee hit from 31. Tyler himself (the author) has previously argued that Tyler "might have" gotten himself better armor over the years, but this is never mentioned in any article. Besides, if Tyler was to get fitted with decent armor, the only way it would be able to withstand a fight with an unmodified grapple droid (forget the tricked-out monster droid in this case) would be to get so much armor that he might as well transfer his mind (so to speak) into another grapple droid. Instead, however, Tyler walks away from this duel with just a missing arm.
 * "However, 8311 punched Tyler in the face" - Punched in the face? By a grapple droid? If that happened to Tyler, he wouldn't even have a face anymore.
 * "Very quickly, both combatants were exhausted and damaged" - Droids can't feel fatigue or tire (unless they're programmed to).
 * ". 8311 would occasionally provide large quantities of funding for Tyler (since the Steel Legion had far more credits than the GDE)" This doesn't make any sense. Tyler commands a Galactic Empire, and 831 leads a criminal syndicate. How could the latter have more money than the former?
 * Every part of this article is a mess in its own way. Firstly, the entire concept isn't thought-out very well. Two droid factions go to war just because one of them doesn't like the Force for some reason?
 * It [the article] doesn't talk about the battle that much; it ignores the matters of what commanders participated in it, for one thing. Both authors of this article don't seem to like having any military commanders other than their main characters (back at the time when this article was made, anyway).
 * Another thing which this article neglects is most of what happened in the battle. Pretty much the only thing it does is cover the gimmicks which the two combatants throw at each other (the V-wings, the mines, et cetera), and the rest is just the same "the two fleets fought each other" paragraphs, recycled with different wording.
 * These stats aren't very descriptive or realistic. Aside from the aforementioned absence of of the V-wings from the infobox, the stats given in it [the infobox] look more like they were added as an afterthought; all it says for fleet numbers is "[t]wenty Trade Federation cruisers" for the GDE, and that's the only capital ships mentioned, save for the flagship, [Modified] Lucrehulk-class freighter Medal. For one thing, saying that they are "Trade Federation cruisers" is pretty vague, but from the images I think I can safely assume that they are Providence-class carrier/destroyers.
 * Meanwhile, the Steel Legion's fleet consists of 18 Keldabe-class battleships and 30 Venator-class Star Destroyers. This makes no sense. The GDE is severely outmatched in capital ship numbers and firepower, yet they somehow managed to land battle droids on the surface?
 * The composition of their forces makes no sense at all. Neither fleets possess any frigates or corvettes at all, and the GDE doesn't even have bombers.
 * The overall course and outcome of the battle makes little sense, partly because it intersects with the problem of the fleet stats. As stated above, the Steel Legion seems to possess an overwhelmingly stronger fleet than the GDE, so why didn't Tyler's fleet get hammered to bits in short order?
 * How could the Legion have a better fleet, anyway? The GDE is a major galactic government encompassing numerous industrial worlds with a sizable standing army and fleet. The Steel Legion is a criminal syndicate. How could Unit 8311 possibly be able to fend off against a reasonably sized fleet from a huge empire? The best he should be able to do is successfully retreat. Look at Black Sun. Black Sun was the most powerful criminal empire in the galaxy at the time of its fall. Prince Xizor had a sizable chunk of his fleet defending his space station above Coruscant, and what happened when the Empire came after him? His forces got splattered across the landscape. The personal fleet of a crime lord cannot possibly expect to survive a prolonged conflict against a well-organized fighting force, so why did 831 even start this battle in the first place?
 * After the duel ends in a tie, they just say "sorry man, let's be friends now", and that's it. There's not even a legitimate reason given. They end the conflict for the hell of it. The same reason they started it.
 * That's all I can think of, at any rate. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 03:16, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * I've addressed the above. Well, tried to, at any rate. Is the offending article any better now? Unit 8311 16:32, 13 August 2008 (UTC)
 * A surprisingly valiant attempt to rectify the errors present in this article, but you forgot one thing: I will never support any article that contains the Jedi droid or the Droid crime lord in it. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 18:46, 13 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Jedi droid I can understand. However, if we can have a, then why not a droid crime lord? Anyway, leg section added. Is there anything else I can do to pull the article back up, or am I doomed to fail no matter what? Unit 8311 19:22, 17 August 2008 (UTC)
 * I'm afraid so. As Brandon said below, it loses by default for its affiliation with Darth Tyler[, and to be frank, I don't think trying to save this article is worth anyone's time]. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 19:42, 18 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:22, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Affirmative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 03:16, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) I've read this before and reading it again is not worth my time. Not only per the above in terms of what MPK has said, but I just won't support anything regarding Darth Tyler, one of the worst Mary Sues on this website, being featured. So, my answer is Yes, revoke it. - Brandon Rhea (talk) (contribs) 16:02, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Using my above review, I see nothing wrong here. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:40, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) I've read this thing at least twice before. I see no errors this time around. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 18:27, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) No. Yay, another no. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:40, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Negative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 18:27, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Since I'm just reviewing content rather than mechanics, I see nothing wrong with this from my POV. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom) (Record) 19:21, 16 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Per Brandon. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:43, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Per above. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 18:54, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * No, pending further review. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 19:21, 16 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:43, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Negative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 18:54, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Since I'm just reviewing content rather than mechanics (Vic's covering that), I see absolutely nothing wrong with this. It has all of the necessary requirements. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 19:20, 16 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Per Brandon. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:48, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Per above. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 18:58, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) No (pending further review). - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 19:20, 16 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:48, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Negative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 18:58, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
I don't know if I can comment, but I'd just like to point out that there's a red link in the article. My page iChat What I've done 17:50, 4 May 2008 (UTC)


 * Fixed that. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 14:24, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Per above reviews.
 * 2) * No legacy/aftermath section.
 * That's really only if there is a completed history, so I've removed it. The wording is a little misleading, I know, but history sections don't need to be complete and there can't be an aftermath or legacy section without a completed one. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 15:10, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) * Image:UnknownrebelSithLord.jpg, Image:Yodaghost.jpg, Image:Strikeback.jpg, Image:Ulic-Cay.jpg, and Image:YavinIV.jpg are not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:54, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * All been sourced. Darth Abeonis Sith Council Sith Campaign 16:05, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the divinely blessed and sanctioned desk of Atarumaster88


 * Present tense in intro.
 * "and after a long and intense duel managed to overpower the two Sith Lords and return them to the light. However, even though the Dark Lord—Jasca Ducato," POV
 * "The Council then order Ducato and many of those who had joined" fix the verb or something, please. Not sure what was meant.
 * "It would not be long before the Jedi under Jasca Ducato discovered something they were not wanting to find; the Sith. " Awkward wording and semicolon error.
 * "Unknown the Galactic Alliance, or the Jedi, two long lost Sith Orders had been in recent years, one being the New Sith Order of Darth Krayt, and another, more potent force called the Sith Order of Decreto, which had been in hiding within the Unknown Regions for over 5,000 years." Reword this; awkward wording and a hair of POV.
 * "Darth Abeonis, using pure tactical genius, a knack for negotiation and the natural Sith instinct to betray slowly but surely absorbed the Sith Order of Decreto into his own personal domain," Rewording, or possibly just a missing comma.
 * "By the year 56 ABY, after years of conflict within the Unknown Regions, the entire Sith Empire had been conquered, and come out of the conflict much stronger than before." Tense.
 * "The Jedi, hearing the pleas, planned to investiage the matter but were prevent from doing so by the Chief-of-State Cal Omas." Spelling and tense.
 * "The Sith, who had spent the last two years also building up their fleet, now felt that they had the strength to take on the Galactic Alliance head on." Awkward wording. "Take on . . . head on."
 * "The Alliance fleet was caught completely by surprise at Belkadan, and suffered for it in the form of the death of the Supreme Commander of all Alliance Forces, Admiral Argos, and the destruction of the war factories at Balamak completely destroyed any hope of a successful counter-attack." Reword. "Completely" is overused.
 * "decimating the Alliance's dismal rearguard action" POV.
 * What is a "C&D" network? Clarify.
 * "The losses were terrible and after days of heavy fight the planet fell to the invaders. Korriban was in the rightful hands of the Sith once more." Prosetry and something's wrong with that second clause.
 * "a former Jedi Knight and the first among the Sith Knights, lead an attack force of two hundred Sith Knights, in secret, to Dathomir, with instructions to wipe out each and every single Jedi on the planet. The battle was bloody and fierce, with all one-hundred and ninety Jedi on the planet, including their commanding officer, Jaina Solo. " Missing words at the second one, and tense issues in the first.
 * "Time and again, Nathaniel Kenobi Solo would lead his forces in suicidal attacks against the Sith, always causing immense casualties rates on both sides." Awkward wording at the end.
 * "With Dathomir, a key strategically placed planet, under Sith control," Redundant adjectives.
 * "her fleet had taken up orbit of the planet" Reword.
 * "Which became the first planet to fell the ruthlessness of the Commander of the Home Fleet, Darth Adsec." Something's wrong here, possibly "fell".
 * "and with devastating effectiveness and speed," POV.
 * "But despite this, the Ottiumigon fleet in orbit of Novus Kamino Prime was preventing the invasion from taking place; and so Darth Micail order his fleet to attack Ottiumigos Prime, in order to draw away the Ottiumigon fleet." Wording, tense.
 * "After the unnecessary extermination of a third species during the conflict," POV.
 * " but Te Dral was saved the dishonor of surrendering when Abeonis offered him terms of peace. Te Dral accepted the terms, and the Mando'ade Alliance was allowed to keep its domain, as a dependent state to the Sith." Run-on, and that last phrase needs reworded.
 * "Hero's of enemies" What is that supposed to be? Reword. Also, image crowding in this section.
 * "Deciding that the best option was assassination, Darth Abeonis choose a little known Sith Knight named Darth Wyyrlok for the mission. A proven assassin and a deadly strike" Tense, POV, clarify the "deadly strike" bit.
 * "Wyyrlok arrived on Coruscant, with no knowledge other than the name of his target, Wyyrlok spent the next few days discretely making inquiries as the Cal Omas' location, finally picking up on a lead; an arms dealer from The Works area of Coruscant that Wyyrlok easily "persuaded" finally gave up the information he required." Run-on.
 * "Despite the obvious difference in strength and skill between to two," Wording.
 * "Luke confront the ghost of his father." (Image caption) Reword.
 * "grown to much even for Luke; but to emotionally drain the Sith. Only then would he be able to successfully defeat the Dark Lord." Wording on first. Second sentence is a fragment.
 * "The Dark Lord knew that Skywalker's escape meant, many who did not consider Abeonis worthy of the title of Dark Lord of the Decreton Empire would soon throw in their lot." Possibly a comma error, but as a whole, it needs clarified.
 * "suffering heavy losses several defeats in early 64 ABY. " POV/wording/
 * "The two Jedi soon learned of a series of recent attacks of Galactic Alliance personnel," Wording.
 * "the members of the Sith Order of Decreto would celebrate their conquest, and become the most powerful and influential leaders the galaxy had ever seen." Blatant POV.
 * "in this article was made up of the top of the author head," Reword
 * The infobox does not contain information about the fate of the Galactic Alliance. Nor is the Nebulax Empire ever given any mention at all.
 * The Commanders list is seemingly lacking, according to the article.
 * No Legacy section. This is a major concern and will need to be fleshed out.
 * Factions section will need fleshed out to add Mandalorians, Chiss, etc. This is a major concern.
 * Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Nothing that my colleagues haven't mentioned above. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 19:04, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:54, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * No, pending Ataru's review. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:27, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Yes, per the above complaints. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:02, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Affirmative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 19:04, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Per above reviews.
 * 2) * It has little infobox code thingies hovering above the intro.
 * Fixed that for Dex. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 15:26, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *I don't know if this counts, but the era icon says that it only exists in the Old Republic years. Did it come into being sometime after 25000 BBY, and be destroyed sometime before the Prequel era?
 * From the NPOV desk of Atarumaster88


 * "Though not the best of outcomes, it was still better than having a robot controlled world. " Blatant POV that should be removed.
 * "but it has a history of a very important planet." POV and useless information to boot.
 * No timeline given for that Cohen individual. Rule 3.3.
 * "on the fantastic reign of Cohen." POV.
 * "here began to be talk of a rebellion, the planet against the entire Republic, and it did not seem too crazy to expect that. But Cohen was loyal, but his droids weren't." Poorly-written and/or POV.
 * More context needed on why the people didn't listen to the new leader. Otherwise, the whole "let's elect someone but not listen to him" is silly and lacking per 3.3.
 * No time-line for the pirate thing.
 * "and Katal Segey were on their routine smuggling ring, paying for some and stealing for a lot. Their main concern this time was oil. The prices were uncharacteristically high, considering the lack of need for oil." This isn't clear. Rule 3.3
 * "However, before they could accomplish this goal, they needed more." Needed more what? Sandwiches? Rule 3.3
 * "amazingly large droid army" is amazingly POV. Rule 3.2
 * "Though they did not know that the Republic was about to engage an all out assault on the world, they were lucky enough to be placing all their forces on the planet, able to defend." Please rewrite this sentence. It is fragmented. Rule 3.3
 * Tense issues in flora and fauna. Use past tense consistently please, per MoS.
 * "The return of the Republic was the greatest thing to happen to the world in the grand scheme of things." I hate to belabour the point, but POV.
 * "Though they devastated some regions of the planet with their aerial bombardments, the constructive work that they did to help more than made up for that one small flaw." More of the same.
 * "He was a much more physical leader than Cohen" As opposed to what? An ephemeral leader?
 * "Since droids do not age" Technically not a tense problem, but could be reworded to avoid confusion.
 * "normal droid with a self given title with no apparent reason behind it." This makes no sense, and normal is POV.
 * Crowded images below the infobox. Rule 9.
 * Though I haven't seen Futurama, this is a crossover if half of what the BtS says is true. Therefore, it should be relentlessly BDZed.
 * "Cities expanded, very dull for robots" POV.
 * Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * No, but get those things fixed. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  15:09, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *Yesh, per Ataru. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:27, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Yes, per the above complaints. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:03, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Affirmative, per the above. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 19:07, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) I see nothing wrong from my POV. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 19:21, 16 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Per Brandon. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  15:24, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * From the orbiting desk of Atarumaster88


 * I object on the general grounds that far too much of this article is not particularly about Kal'Shabbol. It's a history of the Bendu Order on Kal'Shabbol. Cut down Age of Awakening to remove excess fluff, as well as Jedi Bendu departure. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page )
 * I object to your objection. You need to understand that the history of the Jedi Bendu and the Bendu are all intertwined. Removing that information is removing information about the history of Kal’Shabbol and I will not do it. Can I figure out a way to rewrite some of it to put in the same important information in less words? Yes, of course. Can it all be removed though? No. - BR
 * I have no problems with leaving pertinent information on the Bendu Order in there; if it was missing, you'd be getting the opposite objection. As it is, I do think it could do with a little trimming. I was never indicating massive cuts, just snipping. If it's something major, believe me, I will let you know. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page )
 * The parts I recommend some trimming are as follows: 1.5, Para 1. 1.5, Para 2. 1.3, Para 2. 1.3, Para 4. Nothing major, just slimming down these paragraphs. This is based on what I view as the reasonable expectation that the coverage of these topics should not exceed that given on the Bendu Order article. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page )


 * The BtS really needs expansion. I mean, two bullet points for 75 KB of article?
 * There’s not all that much to say, but I can say more. - BR
 * Come, come, Brandon. Don't try and tell me that the creation of this world was that boring. BtS is an essential part of an article and shouldn't be treated as an afterthought, if you ask me. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page )


 * Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:21, 3 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * No, pending further review. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 19:21, 16 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  15:24, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Yes, but could easily be persuaded otherwise. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Negative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 19:12, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Per above reviews.
 * 2) *No section on culture and/or government.
 * 3) *Only 9 non-date links.
 * Image:Lorsanan'sondora.jpg, Image:LorsananDissent.jpg, Image:Oozzinvonattack.jpg, Image:Circa33000BBY.jpg, and Image:Kowak V.jpg are not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  15:36, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * From the hard-to-pronounce desk of Atarumaster88


 * "many intriguing creatures, all with very wide gene pools." (Intro) Could we find some better descriptors, please?
 * "This season was typically when the Shapeshifters harvest." Missing some words or something.
 * "Because of this, Shapeshifters normally drank only water. Also because of this no-salt issue, the water of Lorsanan evaporated more quickly than do most bodies of water." Reword the verbs in the second sentence and I would cut the first sentence, given the one that precedes it.
 * "As a celebration, when Lorsanan'sondora was moved back to its original position, and a holiday was set up in commemoration of the event, The Day of the Shannet." Fix the wording in this sentence.
 * "Slowly, morality collapsed and violence and bloodshed became popular sports, and honor was displaced with bloodline." Some POV here.
 * "It is unknown what happened to the Lorsanan Shapeshifters after this." This type of sentence should be removed per MoS.
 * I would like to see a society/culture section, as well as a topography section. Climate section couldn't hurt either. The over-emphasis on history is a letdown when one reaches the end of the article.
 * I like this article up until the planetary hyperdrive part. I hated that in the NJO and I hate it here. At any rate, have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) None other than the above. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 19:18, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  15:32, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:03, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Affirmative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 19:18, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Per above reviews.
 * Image:Tatooine.jpg is not properly sourced.
 * 1) *Purely preference, but the images are not staggered right-left-right etc.
 * 2) *I don't know if it's acceptable to have a section with a /, the instance here is Personality/Traits.
 * 3) None. (I haven't heard it either way on the / being a no-no on the articles, but if I find out it is, I'll change it asap.) [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 08:17, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the overglorified desk of Atarumaster88


 * Short paras and play-by-play in Early life need reworked.
 * "Abigaile experienced many different encounters with smugglers and other less than savory characters over the years, but the one that would hit her the most would come after the devastating Clone Wars. That of the rise of the Galactic Empire. " I appreciate the attempt at drama, but this isn't really working; the Galactic Empire isn't an unsavory character, so the analogy fails.
 * No context at all is given for why she opposes the Empire.
 * No context at all given for her Force-sensitivity. She just is, and she seems to have a cool canon master because the author says so.
 * More play-by-play in Clone Rebellion. Conciseness can be valuable in some scenarios.
 * If you are using Acclamator and Interdictor as names of ship classes, italicize them. I'm not fixing every one of these.
 * There's very little reasoning for anything she does. She just goes places and does amazing things, beating up the bad guys and occasionally getting injured as fan service for her main squeeze to come save her. I'd say Rule 3.3 but that might be pushing the lines of objections.
 * The article overall doesn't flow well. It's not so much an account as a series of anecdotes. This is a major concern, and I think that correcting this would fix the previous one as well.
 * "Her daughter would grow up to be a fine woman" POV
 * "the Kenobi Solos would turn out to be some of the greatest Jedi the Galaxy had to offer." POV
 * P&T is not very comprehensive. Even from this article, I could write a more complete one.
 * Nitpicking, but it should be called "Personality and traits" instead of its current title.
 * I can't say what I did is a truly accurate representation of AJK, considering that authorial intent comes into play, but I ran her through my MarySue killer test and she scored 22, an indication that this character is a Mary Sue. That said, this'll be the first time I break out the MS;MD (Mary Sue; Must Demote) label.
 * No BTS at all.
 * Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

3. Bllkhhng. I'm going to put my own misgivings in here as well as I can.
 * No information is given on what happened to her father.
 * Trained by Jango Fett? Come on, you don't even give any context on it other than the fact that it just happened.
 * The method of her capturing the crime lord person is totally out of whack. No information is presented on how she gets into the building, how she got the explosives planted, how the crime lord summoned the friends from their high places, and so on.
 * Next to no information is given about the happenings on Kamino, or on where Asajj Ventress came from, how the two met, why they started Master-Apprentice training together, and it doesn't even say which one was the master.
 * Wait a minute. So she and Ventress killed all the Imperials on the fricking planet? This is crazy. Kamino is one of the Empire's most critical planets at this point in time, having provided clone troops for several years. There would have to be at least tens of thousands of soldiers on the planet. How can this possibly make sense?
 * "Using a technique in the Force, they were able to fool the Empire into thinking that the crew of the space station was still alive and under the command of Frendo Timms." - I'd like some context on Force Fool Empire Into Believing Space Station Inhabitants At Besieged/Compromised Planet Are Still Alive. Specifically, I would like to know where they learned this technique, how it works (Force Mind Trick on steroids?) and why the Empire didn't notice the loss of one of the most important planets under their control.
 * "Conferring with Prime Minister Lama Su and his assistant Taun We, they decided that it would be best to figure out a way to escape the planet, as the Empire would not be fooled for long. They also agreed to support a Jedi training center for Kaminoan Force-sensitives." - Easier said than done. It takes decades to train Jedi, and there's no particular reason there would be more force sensitives there [on Kamino] than anywhere else. Why the heck are they building an academy anyway if they're just going to lose it in the coming Imperial attack?
 * It pained me to read all that gobbledygook about the "relationship" between Nathan and Abigaile.
 * "A month passed by without incident and" - The Empire sure isn't rushing to take back Kamino. I guess a planet which acts as one of the sole providers of their stormtroopers isn't regarded as being as important as one would expect.
 * Why is she named Abigaile Jade Kenobi, anyway?
 * "Nathan replied that the majority of them had gotten away before the Empire's Interdictors could get a hold of them." - According to the battle article, the Clone Rebel space forces were outnumbered [roughly] two to one and sorely outmatched in terms of firepower. How could any of them survive long enough to escape at all?
 * "Several of the Jedi trained by Asajj had" - What Jedi trained by Asajj?
 * "began working with the architects and builders to provide a Jedi praxeum for her husband, who intended them to be used as the colony's police force for the time being" - Listen. You can't just have Jedi sprout out of the ground like Jack's beenstalk, mate. It takes years to train people.
 * Shot in the back by Tarkin and Pellaeon? That sounds a little overdone, not to mention unrealistic since according to the rest of the article, Abigaile was capable of killing off most of an Imperial garrison on her own.
 * No Behind the scenes.
 * POV runs rampant.
 * See the above issues spotted by my colleages.
 * Hamnblugrrggé nvzz stulljipz qlnn. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 17:17, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh, until that image is sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  15:56, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Nope. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 08:17, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Yes. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:05, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Affirmative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 17:17, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Per above reviews.
 * 2) * Image:Kothlis.jpg is not sourced correctly.
 * 3) * Don't know if "Personality/Traits" for a header is acceptable.
 * 4) *P&T seems kinda short and lacks detail.
 * 5) *Not required, but is lacking a relationships section. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:42, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) None. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 08:21, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the hair-covered desk of Atarumaster88


 * "Tragedy struck when the Fey'lya family tried to bring her back into their clutches, but she was able to escape. Even worse than her treacherous family," POV/prosetry.
 * "Explaining that there were many things that seemed contradictory to him and that time would soon reveal what they should believe in." Reword.
 * No context on Asajj Ventress appearing out of nowhere.
 * My jaw literally fell open when I realized she was five. How do five-year-olds free a scientist from guards? That's patently ridiculous to assume so, unless you're claiming Bothans age faster. How does she pull off building a lightsaber at age 5? HOW?! Unfortunately, we don't have a requirement for some measure of sensibility for FAs, so this isn't an objection.
 * "and were not a part of it at all really" Reword; poor diction/tone.
 * No context on Abigaile's condition.
 * "Unfortunately, though, even the strong will of a six year old could not save her Master from himself." POV/prosetry.
 * "The threat of the Empire would prove to be even worse to the fate of the colony, as Nathan had developed an unhealthy obsession with destroying it." POV
 * Section titles need appropriately capitalized (they should be lowercase, by and large) and some prosetry in the later ones.
 * "was almost doomsday for the Colonies. " Prosetry/poor wording/POV.
 * "The Jedi proved most ineffective in this dispute, as through several legal loopholes Taun We had made " POV/poor wording
 * A little more context on Logh-Urr would be nice.
 * "The three-fifths turned out to be right in the end;" POV.
 * "It is told that Ada spent nearly five days in isolation before she could speak again." Tense/Prosetry.
 * "Nobody was safe, and nobody knew when he or she could be called such, except Ada." Reword.
 * "It was truly a difficult situation." Prosetry.
 * More context on Brashas please.
 * "He met her in midair and they flung the other back." Reword.
 * "Galaxy" should consistently be de-capitalized.
 * "It was due to her tendency to forget where she had placed things. " Tie this in to the surrounding sentences better.
 * "She was also noted for unbelievable Force Illusions, which tricked even the most skilled Masters." POVishness.
 * 2nd para of Talents is lacking in syntax variety.
 * FWIW, canonical Bothan/Human relationships have existed before, but the two species are stated to be genetically incompatible despite "the parts lining up". Whatever that means, I'll let your imagination decide. if memory serves correctly. Not an objection.
 * Barebones BtS needs fleshed out. This is a major concern.
 * This character doesn't seem that Sueish. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

4. I have a few complaints of my own.
 * There's as many POV instances in here as there are holes in swiss cheese. Look above if you want a list.
 * "Nathan was able to ghost them away to a secluded spot of the Temple and" - Any article that has a deus ex machina of this magnitude in it receives no tolerance from me.
 * "They found evidence that they had been captured by two bounty hunters" - I'd like to know what this evidence was, where it was, how they found it, and why it was there.
 * "Thanks to information given by another being Nathan had been training, the Anointed One, they were able to discover the location of the missing AgriCorps members: a planet within the Deep Core: Byss." - Byss is... I'll get to that later.
 * "Rethinking their position and meditating on the issue, they joined up with a smuggler named Roa and were able to get on the planet without being noticed." - In other words, a helicopter full of Albino tiger cubs has infiltrated Fort Knox.
 * "They began exploring the world" - Completely unnoticed by any of the Empire's agents?
 * Let me give it you straight: One does NOT simply walk into Byss. The article doesn't even mention disguises or anything. It just assumes that they simply walked into Byss, which one can not do.
 * "With his help, they saved Nathan from certain capture at the hands of the 501st and they were able to free a great many of the prisoners there." - See below.
 * "They made their escape and were able to" - This planet, which you propose that they have just escaped from, is one of the most secure in the Empire. While I may have neglected to mention it, one cannot simply walk out of Byss, either. and certainly not after being detected.
 * "they were captured in an interdiction field by the Interdictor Star Destroyer Palpatine's Fury. Nathan was able to Force persuade the captain of the vessel that he had made a mistake and had gotten the wrong ship." - So none of the officers working for the commander suspected anything? A Jedi can't just mind trick his way out of any situation. Why didn't Obi-Wan mind trick the Imperials on the Death Star to let the Millennium Falcon leave?
 * "Content that he was not doing it because he wanted to, she was a bit more cheerful the following days" - Alllways look on the briiight side of life... (whistles)
 * "They were safely shuttled to the main Acclamator and kept under guard, until the rest of the planet had been able to flee the devastation that followed." - What about the Interdictor cruiser(s) mentioned elsewhere? Or what about the four dozen-strong Star Destroyer blockade? Wouldn't that put a bit of a damper on their escape attempt?
 * Five years old and built a lightsaber? What the crickey?
 * "in their absence, someone had taken care to slip onto Novus Kamino Prime and invade the Jedi praxeum." - How exactly does an attacking force sufficient in size to invade something slip onto a planet?
 * "Ada was forced into combat and boarded an enemy vessel to destroy it from within. Killing many a Sith Knight within, she made her way to the bridge." - This is just preposterous. One person cannot single-handedly board and disable a capital ship just by landing on it and waltzing up to the bridge.
 * "Before she could leave, she heard Bosszú set the self-destruct and left the bridge, initiating the lockdown mode as he left. Alone on the bridge, and with no escape in sight, Ada began to despair. Fortunately, she felt the familiar presence of Nathan, who had just finished a duel with Darth Micail and was gathering the remaining Jedi with his ghosting ability. As the Sith vessel exploded around her, Ada was safely transported to Nathan's vessel, which fled the battle." - Deus ex machina.
 * No legacy section.
 * Behind the scenes section is too small. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 18:37, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh, per Ataru. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:42, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) * No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  12:52, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) No. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 08:21, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Yes. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:05, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 17:07, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) Affirmative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 18:37, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Per above reviews.
 * 2) * Image:Forged Brusini msg.png is incorrectly sourced.
 * 3) **Tis done. --<font color="#9F05">Victor <font color="#AA00">(talk) 21:05, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * GR 14 says that articles are to have "a substantial, though not overwhelming, table of contents," and though I personally don't disapprove, that ToC is huge. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:48, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) **It's no problem, I'm sure. --<font color="#9F05">Victor <font color="#AA00">(talk) 21:05, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Lol. - Solus (Bird of Prey)
 * From the snazzily-dressed, fedora-wearing, piece-packing desk of Atarumaster88


 * "Androc rose security measures of his estate and made a pact" Unclear verbage.
 * "Because of that, the dog was killed after he retaliated with his new owners." Clarify.
 * "making them out to both the Montra and Valabra families." Clarify.
 * "Androc's plan was falling very well in place." Reword.
 * "Androc was able to persuade the men with words, with promises of a false peace treaty. " Clarify/prosetry.
 * "The fact that Androc had been able to start the Civil War pleased him, once again ensuring himself that he was a master of persuasion." POV.
 * "however Vukso's age put him at a grand disadvantage." Comma error, POV/prosetry.
 * "Allegiance gave their honorable goodbye to Medinko" POV w/ honorable.
 * "Since Sodaw knew that he was not looking well in the public's eye, " Reword please.
 * "one million Republic Credits, with half of the reward in advanced." Decap Credits and fix the ending.
 * Company names should not be italicized.
 * In general, the same is true of locations such as cantinas.
 * "This resulted in open fire," Reword.
 * "goons" Goons is poor wording.
 * "Androc thanked the bounty hunter, the shot him through the mouth." Should that be "then" ?
 * "killed by cut to the neck from a vibroblade." Reword.
 * "At that point, Androc also realized that he "real Androc" had returned." Reword.
 * "Galactic Republic was desperate to have just reason to have a military coup on Onderon." Reword.
 * "Worried that the Republic was too close to Onderon, Androc kept a watchful eye out for potential enemies." Clarify.
 * ", several lowly and unpopular cantinas had proposed making business with Androc." Reword.
 * "eventually winning the interplanetary war." Correct me if I'm wrong, but this was just an intraplanetary war.
 * "moved on to "real life" things, specifically, the life his father lead as a crime lord." Reword.
 * "When a second attempt was made on Androc's life, the vest was destroyed by the Onderonian blaster" Blaster what?
 * "however the bolts also contained statis components." Is that supposed to read "statis"?
 * "Androc also used the infamous Onderonian blaster that had nearly killed him a year prior to the battles" POV.
 * "The ship was very powerful for a yacht, and Androc's modifications made it feared. Zakkeg the Drexl had massive firepower, shielding, but it's most feared component was it's "interference ray"; the ray was used to transmit custom viruses into other ships, which sent the infected ships into chaos." POV, awkward wording, run-on, and "it's" needs fixed.
 * "Dorantes is an ifrequent cosplayer," Eh?
 * Twenty minute fixes. Overall, I think the average sentence syntax could be lengthened, but since that's largely stylistic, I'll let it alone. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh, per Ataru. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:48, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  21:07, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Unfortunately, yes. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:06, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) For the time being, yes, per the above complaints. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 18:55, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) I don't find anything wrong with this article. Didn't expect less from an Inq. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:51, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *I'm confused. Riffs was never an Inq. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **My memory is failing me... - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:36, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * From the sneering desk of Atarumaster88


 * "He had a plentiful career," Reword.
 * "After his participation in wartime efforts, he was captured by the Rebellion and agreed to work with them in return for peacetime, during when he met his wife and had a son." Reword/clarify.
 * "Yet as esteemed and loved as this man was, he met his downfall after a horrible incident that took the lives of his family members, leading him to self-destruction, regeneration, and revenge on those responsible," Uh, POV, and "rengeneration" doesn't fit there.
 * "Deformed and bloodthirsty, his hunt across the galaxy would end the lives of millions before he lost his in a battle with one of his understudies. Regardless of how he met his end, it was how his beginnings led him on a road of life that gave him Imperial esteem and honor amongst his fellow soldiers and commanders." POV/flowery prose.
 * "Initially, his son seemed harmless, but developed a sense of self-defense against other children that decidedly picked on him." Some POV/prosetry.
 * "When the Republic fell into darkness to become the Galactic Empire, Aurelius heavily considered running for the Imperial Senate to represent his homeworld," POV/prosetry aka "flowery prose".
 * "monstrous weapons that they were." POV/prosetry.
 * "Tempest later thought twice about tempting the evil that was Vader as he could simply snap his windpipe by thinking about it, if he wanted to. Yet Vader was aware that Tempest was one of the best in the Empire and didn't find his objections too offensive. At least Vader had the occasional pleasure of a tortuous Force Choke on a higher-ranking officer without killing them, yet at least." Awkward wording, POV, prosetry.
 * "commandeered it by order of the Empire under chaotic ruin." clarify.
 * "Luckily, he was not at the site" Luckily is POV.
 * "and drew defeat at the hands of the Alliance. " What? Reword.
 * "and the aggressive Yoog of the bunch slit her throat to make things much easier. " Poor wording here.
 * "He could not believe that he had tried to kill himself when there were other things that meant so much to him." The opening phrase of this sentence needs changed-it's the exact same as the previous two, and the whole thing just needs reworded.
 * " I am not of these beings, wasting away like a organic fluid sack in a durasteel bed." Are you missing a word here?
 * "Much as the securities searched the skies for him, " Missing word or something.
 * "as Tempest tasted blood and succumbed to a feeding frenzy." prosetry.
 * "made enough credits to purchase a ship with good range in firepower." POV/poor wording
 * "Cleverly Tempest took nearly random, but strategic turns along small hyperspace routes to avoid contact with the GFFA" POV/wording
 * "There was nothing that could stop Tempest on his rampage of death." Prosetry.
 * "sucking them up like a black hole preying on a star," prosetry.
 * "Vifi Gamut was on board with a madman. " POV/prosetry.
 * Decide between "Tempest Files" and "The Tempest Files".
 * Italicize ship classes.
 * "This may not have been an isolated condition however, as his father Gonn may have also exhibited tendencies to commit self-destruction." Tense.
 * "lived well into his 70s before his life took a turn for the worst. He would not pass until the age of 86 by unnatural means." Reword.
 * As far as I can tell, he passes the Mary Sue test by a couple points. However, overall prose quality in this article is seriously lacking and I recommend a complete rewrite to make it more encyclopediac.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) No. - Solus  (Bird of Prey)  16:51, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:36, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Yes. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:06, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Affirmative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 19:07, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) None. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  18:04, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * From the battered but persistent desk of Atarumaster88


 * "causing him to be the ridicule of other higher ranking soldiers and workers," Reword this.
 * "Adollu commandeered various members on the ground, while a pilot named Marto Nao-sin commandeered the starfighter defenses. " Commandeered is an unlikely word choice and I can't see a private taking command anyway, if that's what was intended.
 * "After the battle, both Adollu and Nao-sin were thanked for their exceptional victory." POV.
 * "Adollu's victory gained him popularity with women of all species, making him a proud man." I think you what objection I have to this.
 * "Adollu was forced to investigate further." Reword.
 * "which included stocking illegal weapons and making illegal shipments." Clarify.
 * "one of their top, personal bounty hunters." Reword.
 * "and Fuco made sure to be careful the next." Reword.
 * "Though, with the help of Wibl's men, he was able to fight off his enemies without even knowing it." Fragment.
 * "Bern was placed under secure captivity." Reword.
 * "Bern, however, remained strong throughout the entire time of captivity." Prosetry/weasel words.
 * "in order to get rid of it indefinitely." Unclear antecedent.
 * "Montra family assassinate Nao-sin. Just as Adollu rose up in retaliation, Dominic left the room, and Adollu was forced to fight against a bulk of guards and soldiers." Reword.
 * "In those few minutes, Bern realized that his extremely long and hard working investigation" POV.
 * "The often subjected himself to the will of others in order to gain information, which led many to believe he was weak, when in reality his will was very strong and he was difficult to break. " Reword.
 * "At first, his best ship was in the position to lead and inspire others towards victory," Clarify/reword.
 * Overall, not bad. These are minor revisions, but I would like them done before this hits main page if at all possible. Thanks. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  18:04, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:07, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Affirmative, for the time being, per the above complaints. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 18:08, 14 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Per above reviews.
 * 2) * Only 10 non-date links. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  18:17, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Fixed. A list can be provided if need be to confirm. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 18:56, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * No need. I watch your every move, remember? - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:04, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  18:17, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:05, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Negative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 14:05, 15 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Per above reviews.
 * Image:Filose.jpg, Image:Vogga.jpg, Image:Refugee.jpg, Image:Dorn.jpg, Image:Dak.jpg, Image:Shana.jpg, Image:Esoomian.jpg, Image:Filose3.jpg, Image:BattleOfDantooine.jpg, and Image:Shana2.jpg are not sourced properly.
 * 1) *P&T, for such a long article, is incredibly short. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  18:35, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 3) *"work towards a life of good doing." Awkward verbage, POV.
 * 4) *"He killed a great number of wrong doers in his life, including a Dark Lord of the Sith, a Mandalore and an evil Kel'Dor named Dorn Atun." Wrongdoer and evil are POV.
 * 5) *"named after a great hero;" Great hero is POV.
 * 6) *"His two parents were not noble of any sort," Clarify. Possibly a simple word change to nobility would work.
 * 7) *"Then one day everything went wrong." POV/prosetry.
 * 8) *"He had to take his revenge, and bite back just the way he had been bitten. " POV/prosetry.
 * 9) *Reword "the very technical belt"
 * 10) *"parts, the like. " Non-encyclopediac.
 * 11) *Play-by-play in Striking back.
 * 12) *"Not only that, it was a bit fun tearing them all to pieces." POV.
 * 13) *"It was much less than luxurious, but he was much used to it by now, living in the small house he did. " This makes no sense with context.
 * 14) *"A Tragic Childhood" is POV.
 * 15) *"It was very large, filled with jewels, treasure, artifacts, anything beautiful you could think of... Strange that he would dress like such a bum when he had all these good things." Completely unacceptable. OOU, POV, non-encyclopediac, you name it.
 * 16) *"Over the years, Achmed taught Filose everything about the business, hacking, slicing, breaking in, breaking out, repairing, stealing, everything you would need to think of." Second person, informal tone.
 * 17) *" which was good and bad, but soon everyone would know that Filose Naj, the top Spy" Decap Spy, and good and bad is POV.
 * 18) *"his teacher, though that was a load." No way. Get rid of this.
 * 19) *"Understandably" POV.
 * 20) *"They were, after all, in the beginning stages of a war between the Jedi " Who is they? Clarify.
 * 21) *" he got the intention that Vogga just wanted him to be killed. " Reword.
 * 22) *Context needed on the Exchange.
 * 23) *"There were families who feared for their lives, huddled together in cold and agony, no money or happiness in any of them. It was then that he realized that no greater good could be served but to eliminate the Exchange from this area and let the refugees live life a little better." POV, prosetry.
 * 24) *"settle the on world troubles" Clarify.
 * 25) *I've stopped here, at The Vaskar. This is a Mary Sue, and a poorly written one at that. Fix the things above and start working on the rest of this, and I'll continue reviewing. Until then, given that the author has been absent from SWF for a month and a half, there's no point in spending the time. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:38, 17 July 2008 (UTC)


 * 3. I concur with my colleagues. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 19:57, 18 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  18:35, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:38, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:08, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Affirmative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 19:57, 18 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen on the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Mary Sue.
 * Image:IchiGo.jpg, Image:IFOYJ.jpg, Image:RentonThur'ston.jpg, Image:Sōs-ukeAizen.jpg, Image:DGAS.jpg, Image:IGSFBG.jpg, Image:CKTS.jpg, Image:DG'sESS.jpg, Image:GVI1.jpg, Image:GSI.jpg, Image:IVMGH.jpg, Image:ISG.jpg, Image:IGATPIT.jpg, Image:OSNKSCF.jpg, Image:OHMMP.jpg, Image:A'sNL.jpg, Image:YCK.jpg, Image:Mistworld .jpg, Image:FOBAT.jpg, Image:IGRN.jpg, Image:Bespin skyscrapers.jpg, and Image:NAOQ.jpg are incorrectly sourced, and Image:Nathan'sholocron.jpg has a false source. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  18:52, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the scratchpad of Atarumaster88
 * 2) *Mary Sue.
 * 3) *BtS is way too small.
 * 4) *Unencyclopediac/Overly Capitalized section headers.
 * 5) *Way too many quotes, particularly in the middle. Rule 3.3
 * 6) *I'm not reading through something like this line by line, sorry. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:32, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

3. Every image in this article is too damned small. I can barely see them and they fail to break up the text.
 * "Luckily for the two young children, an elderly Ho'Din named Plett had come to buy them before that could happen. In actuality, Plett had gone to Nar Shaddaa because he had felt a disturbance in the Force and had received a vision that he needed to save the lives of two small children. He quickly bought the two and left Nar Shaddaa for his home" - Atton Rand once said something that I think applies to this situation here: "Well, if we're going to search a moon of a few billion inhabitants, [we] might as well starts as soon as possible." How could he possibly have found them in time on a planet as heavily populated as Nar Shaddaa?
 * "Sos-uke Aizen" appears to be a redlink.

"But before that could happen, the clonetroopers of Novus Kamino Prime had come to reinforce the Jedi and the Dark Acolytes were forced to flee." - What clone troopers? This would benefit from some additional context.
 * "however, wouldn't listen to reason" - Point of view.

"Liking the idea of being stronger, Ichi decided to listen to Renton's advice and remained on Novus Kamino Prime for five more years. After that, he and Renton stowed away on a cargo vessel and" - Why did they need to stowaway to get off the planet?
 * "went to Kelakus, because they had heard that Sos-uke had been reassigned there to reinforce the Traitors' presence" - Where and how did they hear this?

"the two would begin a fight that would either doom or save them." - Whooo. Look, it's epic and suspenseful and shit, so we need to throw it in the reader's face whenever we can.
 * "The first day that Ichi and Renton reached Kelakus, they almost instantly knew that the task they had set before them was impossible." - Whoops. Too bad they didn't think of that before going there. I get the feeling that Ichi is a few thousands tons of durasteel short of an.

"Nat-ahn Mandrex's loyal troops roamed everywhere across the planet" - Everywhere? Damn, they must have some population issues on Kalakus. Why can't you just say the place had heavy security or whatever?
 * "Kelakans had been pressed into slave labor and were making the Traitors' massive fleet against their will." - How massive is this fleet supposed to be? Do the "Traitors" (giant point of view red light) have decent industrial facilities? Slaves won't do any good if you don't have places for them to work.

"then the entire plan they had was fruitless, so they decided to liberate some slaves from right under their master's noses." - That might be a little difficult, since their loyal troops roamed everywhere across the planet, remember?
 * "While Renton planned to distract the Ottiumigon guards, Ichi was to use his lightsaber to cut through the chains the slaves were held with." - You are giving a ridiculously low amount of context on this. Where the hell were they? The article just assumes that I already know where the prisoners in question were, how the two broke in, how the guards were distracted, how many guards there were, and Heaven On High knows what else. The list of what's wrong with these two paragraphs could go on and on and on.

"Take the vibroblade and use it well, Great One. Its name is Zangetsu, and it is yours to use as you please. It has been fitted with cortosis ore and is imbued with the Force, so that it will be useful when the time comes. Farewell, Great One, I hope that I have done my part well and that I will be humbly rewarded when that day comes. -The mysterious man" - Zangetsu? Why not just call this sword "Excalicliché" or something?
 * "Without another word, Ichi's mysterious benefactor left him to free the slaves. He quickly mobilized them and provided armaments to help secure their escape." - Where did he get weapons to arm them with?

"He asked if any of them had experience in the military and one stepped forward. She announced herself as Can Cer and told him the location of a local resistance group they could join up with. Noting that Renton had finished his job as well, Ichi followed Can Cer to their new headquarters." - Wait a minute? What about the loyal Ottiumigon (stop making me spell ridiculous names) troops who roamed across everywhere across the planet?
 * Ok, disregarding that joke, they still shouldn't have gotten away easily. The article implies that the planet has very heavy security, yet at the same time these two dudes instigate a prison riot and get away without so much as being caught on a news camera.

"For the next two years, the two Jedi and the Kelakans began a resistance that would cripple vital shipments, rescue countless slaves from death, and become a constant thorn in the side of Sos-uke's plans to annihilate them. Their guerrilla tactics were so effective, a large bounty was placed on their heads, but it was never claimed by anyone, as the residents of Kelakus were loyal to them." - I'm just going to say it how it is: Why the hell do people think that having superior numbers, training, and hardware is a disadvantage?
 * "The warning was given to the true savior, whose real name was Nathaniel Kenobi Solo, and he planned a two-way attack to end the Traitors' hold over the Ottiumigos Centrality. First, a small clone fleet would head to Ottiumigos Prime, where they would engage the majority of Nat-ahn's forces, while the other, much larger fleet would attack Kelakus." - I thought Naht-An (or whatever the hell his name is) had a "massive" fleet. Do the Novus Kamino Prime people also have a massive fleet?

"Ichi and Renton prepared the way by transmitting a signal to all of the collars that the slaves kept on the planet had. It was a shutdown code that helped to free the remaining slaves and caused a full rebellion against the Traitors' rule." - What? Is this supposed to imply that Itchy and his friend freed most of the prisoners in their first operation? Why does the fact that they wear collars mean anything? Why do the collars receive signals? What the hell is this signal thing supposed to mean? Why are the slaves expected to be able to overpower the presumably armed troops that guard them?
 * "The true prize during the battle was the appearance of Sos-uke, who challenged Ichi and Renton to a duel. The two were outclassed by the much more experience Sos-uke, but Ichi had something that would end the battle very quickly, that was, if he used it instead of his lightsaber." - I think I see where this is going.

"he drew out Zangetsu and swung at Sos-uke's lightsaber, and watched as it faded away, the victim of the cortosis ore." - Lame. Ok, granted, that is what cortosis does, but it was still lame for being the sword of the champion that gives them the advantage.
 * "Stating that he didn't need his lightsaber to kill the two, Sos-uke began to fling Force lightning towards them. Ichi was able to dodge it, but Renton was hit in the chest by the majority of it." - I guess it's that easy to dodge lightning.
 * "Realizing he was the only one who could stop Aizen from escaping, Ichi prepared to die." - What? Why? How?

"That was when one of the Traitors' Super-Acclamators came into the planet's atmosphere and went towards the two combatants, ablaze, the result of clone gunners finding their mark." - First of all, what the heck is a Super Acclamator? Second this isn't worded that well at all. I can barely figure out what it means. What-
 * Wait a minute. A huge freaking capital ship is just about to crash into them?
 * Wait a minute. A huge freaking capital ship is just about to crash into them?

"The derelict vessel came straight into the path of the duel" - ...crushing them into oblivion under countless thousands of tons?
 * "and Ichi was forced to carry Renton's limp body away from the future crash site." - Woah. Ichi may not be smart, but he sure knows how to run.

"Knowing that there was nothing he could do for him, he ignored the dying man's pleas and went on to escape the coming destruction." - What a great, honorable Jedi. This wouldn't be much of a problem if not for the fact that the article tries to justify his actions by saying that there was nothing he could do for him.
 * "Unknown to Ichi Go, a mysterious figure materialized before Aizen and offered him a second chance at life, if he would only join him. Aizen, seeing that this was his only way to survive, made a deal with the devil, and left with his mysterious benefactor, unscathed." - Oooh. How ominous. Oooh!

"He kept holding Renton's body, until the latter regained consciousness and could run." - So being struck with force Lightning to the point that you lose consciousness doesn't have any effects after you wake up, such as flesh burns or strength drainage?
 * "Arriving just in time to watch the ending, Ichi was awed at the sheer power and ferocity Nathan showed in battle" - Why do all the characters like to kiss Nathan's arse so much?

"Nathan, enraged at the unnecessary addition to the battle, sent forth a bolt of energy that crippled Ichi and Renton's vision for a moment" - That's how Nathan thanks people for arriving to help him out? Man, what a jackass.
 * "Nat-ahn Mandrex fall to the ground, devoid of any signs that he had ever lived." - This sentence should be longer; we need to say that he's dead in as many different ways as possible.

"The battle for control of Kelakus was gone" - Wait a minute. Why does the planet get captured as soon as the duel is over? Why is no information on the course of the battle given at all?
 * "Nathan was awarded with the title Defender of the Colonies" - Geeze, even Superman didn't get a medal every time he saved a planet or whatever.

"while Renton and Ichi were given the Stupid Idea That Only Worked by the Grace of the Force Medal, which had just been invented by Nathan" - Har har, irony.
 * "who wished to express his gratitude for what they had done." - Wait a minute. Nathan is the one who expressed this gratitude? The same Nathan who hit both of them with Force Blinding just because he didn't want their company mere hours before?

"Luckily for him, a shady informant codenamed Unforgiving One was able to contact Ichi" - Why did the informant call him? Shouldn't he call the informant?
 * "A rogue Senator from Arkania was trying to cover his tracks and attempting to deny that he had ties to the Confederation. If Ichi killed the man, then Unforgiving One would give him the information he needed to find his father. Suspicious, Ichi asked for the man's name. The informant, however, would not release it, saying that Ichi would know at the appropriate time, and the informant discouraged looking into the man's personal life, as he would end their deal if Ichi did so. Seeing no other alternative, Ichi went along with the informant's assassination plans, and proceeded to leave to Arkania, where he would end the life of the Senator no matter what it took." - So Ichi is willing to murder a political official as a favor for a person he doesn't know in exchange for the satisfaction of a personal curiosity of his? What the hell kind of Jedi pulls that sort of shit?

"However, in the back of his head, his conscience began to talk to him in the form of Nathan and Renton. The 'Renton' began to inquire as to how far Ichi would actually go to find his family. Would killing the Senator be good enough for the informant...or would he only give partial information and task Ichi with another assignment? Ichi replied that he didn't care, and that he would do whatever it took to find his family." - This was pretty funny; an encyclopedia article detailing the conversation that this [obviously insane] person has with himself. It's also rummy that his "conscience" is more interested in whether killing the senator will be enough to appease the informant, rather than whether killing the senator is wrong or not. While having a character who is insane is not necessarily bad in and of itself, the problem is that this article is actually trying to defend him.
 * "The 'Nathan' began to mock him, saying that sometimes, the ends didn't justify the means." - It's actually starting to become entertaining at this point.

"Ichi implored the 'Nathan' to explain itself, as he knew the real Nathan would never say that." - How does he know the real Nathan wouldn't say that? "Reaching the planet, he quickly began to go to the suite that the Senator supposedly lived in with his wife of thirty years. Apparently, the suite was a part of an elderly building that had ties with the long-forgotten Mandalorian Wars. Knowing that the time was right to strike—it was nightfall on Arkania and the Senator was a heavy sleeper—Ichi went to the suite, and prepared to kill the corrupt Senator." - Suspense.
 * "Stealthily gaining access to the hotel's cameras, Ichi shut them off, but made it look like a natural occurrence, rather than an intentional one." - Elaboration is needed.

"The Senator stopped, clearly confused at what Ichi was saying. He adamantly denied the charges given against him, saying that his son had joined the Confederation and taken a large sum of his inheritance with him. He implored Ichi to not kill him, as he couldn't bear the thought of his other son doing so. Curious, Ichi asked what he meant. The Senator replied that his name was Lilb Go, and that his wife was Noor Conaim, and they were both his parents. Surprised at the revelation, Ichi asked for proof. Lilb explained that a family friend had told them to leave Ichi on Nar Shaddaa, where he would be safe from Lilb's political enemies and would be taken away to learn his true path away from his family.

Astonished, as he was one of only four people who knew his full story—the other three being Nathan, Plett, and Renton. Breaking down into tears, he hugged his father and mother and asked their forgiveness, for he had almost been tricked into killing his own parents." - This was actually a little surprising, but why do NKSCF's stories always have to involve the main character's relatives?
 * "Gloed angered, ignited his lightsaber, while Ichi unsheathed his as well." - The Sith always draw first, don't they?

"The two fell upon each other with the fury of two rival gundarks" - You might have tried to find a goofier analogy, but chances are you would have failed.
 * "During the duel, Ichi instructed his family to flee, while he dealt with Gloed. Gloed merely smiled and drained the life from his family. Ichi despondent over the death of his family, was unable to counter a blow from Gloed, which struck him in the side." - Wait a minute. Why didn't Itchy just use the sword that the mysterious dude gave him back on Kelakus? Did he just forget to bring it or something?

"To finish him off, Gloed pushed him flying out of the suite." - Apparently in Darth Gloed's mind, if you can't see a person, then that person is dead. Then again, maybe insanity runs in the family, since Gloed is Itchy's half-brother.
 * "when he remembered that he could still beat Gloed, and that he had "won" the duel only because he had cheated, not because he was superior." - He "cheated"? What the heck is that supposed to mean?

"he next couple of years, Ichi began to hunt down Gloed but was never able to find him. No amount of evidence, clues, or help from other Jedi could locate the elusive Sith. However, in 51 ABY, Ichi was able to trace a rare HoloNet message to the remote world of Tianascalve. As far as the Galactic Alliance knew, there wasn't even a HoloNet node anywhere near the system, so the very message was curious enough, but became more of a find, when it was revealed that the sender was Gloed under an alias. With Renton and Mariz Kenobi Solo by his side, Ichi went to Tianascalve to investigate the recipient of the transmission, the Rutsenafo Director of Science Crie Krobos." - No context on the nature of this message is given other than the fact that Gloed sent it and this Krobos bloke received it. "After Mariz questioned one of the Rutsenafo about the location of Krobos, they found that they had already passed him, as he was located very near the planet's only spaceport." - Moving along...
 * "When they arrived at the director's house, they were welcomed with open arms. Crie declared that he had always wanted to meet the fabled Ichi Go and Renton Thur'ston, as well as the daughter of one of the Galaxy's most famous heroes. Ichi began to grow suspicious of him, as he felt that he had met the Rutsenafo once before." - Dum dum dum...

"Ichi then bluntly asked the Rutsenafo if he knew Gloed or not, to which Crie replied that he did, albeit Gloed had tried to trick him by assuming a false name, but he knew better." - He "knew better"? How did he know better? "How could he not, he was the Seeker after all." - What the crickey is that supposed to mean?
 * "Before any of the Jedi could ask what he meant by that, they were interrupted by Gloed, who had barged into the house and demanded to know why Crie had sold him out to the Jedi. Laughing slyly, Crie said that he had no wish to see any of them sold out to anyone. Ichi, before Renton or Mariz could hold him back, lunged forth with his lightsaber and attacked Gloed, who was able to save himself by igniting his before Ichi delivered a fatal blow." - Wow, that was one fast search. I wonder why Gloed was hanging around Crie's house. Or why they were helping Ichi and the others. Or why Ichi forgot to bring his sword again.

"The two then crashed out of the house, while Renton and Mariz rushed to see if they could do anything" - Gee, that was smart of them. I sure hope they don't run into any vile-looking creatures. "but they were rebuffed by several vile looking creatures, some of Gloed's Sithspawn." - Dang. "Knowing that the both of them were evenly matched in lightsaber combat, Ichi decided to bring out his vibroblade, Zangetsu, as he knew it could cause other lightsabers to quit functioning." - What? He did bring his sword after all? Why didn't he just use it before, at the beginning of the fight? He probably would have won by then!
 * "Gloed, surprised by the appearance of the blade, was unable to counter it fully and his lightsaber fell into a temporary state of non-existence." - Non-existent? Don't you mean "non-functional" or something? The weapon doesn't no longer exist, it just doesn't work.

"Seeking to find an opportunity to gain either Ichi's sword or lightsaber, he flung several rocks towards him and was about to grab Zangetsu, when he felt a sharp pain in his side. Falling to the ground, he was barely able to look up and see the same happen to Ichi Go." - This isn't how an encyclopedia is written. It just isn't.
 * "Ichi lifted his head up and saw that Crie had stabbed both himself and Gloed with a tridentlike device. Crie announced that they both had been hit with a mild sedative and that when they awoke, both would be far away from the other. True to his word, Ichi awoke on the ship he had come on with Renton and Mariz. The other two were suffering from the same affects as him. After all had recovered, they found that they were headed towards Dathomir. Gaining control of the ship, they went to Coruscant to report their findings to the Jedi Council." - This is totally out of whack. What the heck is up with Crie and how did he get the drop on all of them?

"Over the next couple of years, Mariz and Ichi began to grow closer, and ended up marrying on Novus Kamino Prime two years later. However, the marriage did not last long, and by the Battle of Dathomir, the two had decided to divorce. Although Ichi's father-in-law, Nathan, had been unhappy to see the two part, he knew that the relationship wouldn't have lasted much longer anyways, and was content in the fact that they still remained friends." - No context is given on the reason(s) for their divorce. Why is it even mentioned?
 * "The Sith would arrive in full force two years after Nathan had come to the Colonies. The Colonies would have fell if it were not for the heroism of a Ottiumigon Jedi, who alerted the rest of the Centrality to the fact that the Sith were attacking from behind. Quickly mobilizing their forces, the Jedi were ready to die, as their only route of escape had been blocked off by Interdictors." - Gee, this looks bad.

"While Ichi Go was preparing to join Slag Squadron on an attack run, he suddenly felt the dark presence of Gloed inviting him to come aboard one of the Sith flagships. Knowing it was a trap, he brought along Renton, who had received a similar summons from Divat." - Why would he go if he knew it was a trap?
 * "Safely reaching Gloed's personal vessel, the Pure, Renton and Ichi split up to find their respective summoners." - Ok, I suppose if Gloed intentionally lets them onboard, that's all right, but splitting up after arriving is just stupid if they're not even being attacked yet.

"Reaching the bridge of the Pure, Ichi found that the ship's crew barely reacted to his presence, and seemed to be more wary of something other than a potential fight between a Jedi and a Sith Knight. Feeling a animal's presence in the Force, he brought out Zangetsu and called for it to appear. As if in answer to his call, a large, grotesque behemoth entered the bridge." - How ominous.
 * "Looking like a cross between a crazed Human, a Dachsaur, and a Hollow beast" - Bwha?

"the creature lumbered towards Ichi Go. Sensing its primal urges to kill him, Ichi attacked with his vibroblade, but found that the creature was largely resistant to it and found himself thrown by it towards one of the fragile windows. By sending a cushioning air behind him, he was able to avoid smashing through the windows." - Just an F.Y.I, for the author: windows on ships are not made of glass; they're made of transparent durasteel, because it would be obscenely stupid have something so easily breakable being the only thing protecting the crew of a starship from the vacuum of space.
 * "Ichi Go, defiant, said that Gloed had better watch out before his creation decided to turn on him. Gloed laughed at the thought, stating that through Sith alchemy, the beast would obey only him and would never harm its Master." - This better not be an "ironic" foreshadowing device, or I'm going to punch myself.

"But before Ichi could attack again, he felt the voice of Renton calling out to him, proclaiming that the Jedi were finally able to escape, because Nathan had personally blown up the Interdictors that prevented their escape." - What? How? Does this mean he literally destroyed them himself, or his ships did?
 * "Angry that he would have to leave to fight another day again, Ichi issued a warning to Gloed. He said that if he ever saw him again, then he would be killed. Gloed asked whether or not Ichi knew that such actions were of the dark side, but, in reply, Ichi ghosted on board his and Renton's personal ship the Hybrid Idiots and escaped the battle unscathed." - What exactly was Renton doing all this time?

"Uncertain as to what they should refer to their organization as, they went about asking others for ideas. When Nathan overheard a conversation between Mariz, Ichi, and Ahlex, where the latter forgot the name of the very people that they were fighting against, he petitioned for the organization to be named the Scourges of Those Bad Guy People. Taking an instant liking to it, a majority vote sealed the name into history." -
 * "Over the next couple of years, the Scourges of Those Bad Guy People brought about the destruction of several Sith trading vessels, the liberations of worlds without a strong Sith presence, and the fear that the organization could actually harm the Sith. It was during this time that Ichi and Mariz tried to reconcile their relationship, however, it was doomed to failure yet again. After successfully liberating the planet Almania from its Sith occupiers, the grateful people offered it to be a base of operations for the Scourges of Those Bad Guy People. After conferring with the rest of the group, Nathan agreed. Within the next couple of weeks, the Scourges of Those Bad Guy People made Almania their base." - I'm sorry, but I cannot take this organization seriously.

"However, Ichi and Renton began to witness horrible apparitions and suffered from terrible visions where they saw themselves killed by Gloed and Divat respectively and witnessed the destruction of the planet's surface by Sith bombardment. Knowing that the future was not set in stone, they told Nathan about it and he decided to evacuate the populace before the Sith arrived. However, it was too late, as Darth Abeonis himself had come on The Soiyo to exact his revenge on Nathan for crippling several Sith operations. Accompanying Nathan along with other notable Jedi Knights to The Soiyo, Ichi began to feel as if the coming battle was unavoidable. After witnessing the duel between Abeonis and Nathan, Ichi fled with the others to get away from the Dark Lord of the Decreton Empire.

Following the escape from The Soiyo, Ichi Go went back to his and Renton's personal vessel, the Hybrid Idiots. He found Renton meditating in his quarters instead of fighting. Puzzled and angered at the same time, Ichi asked why he wasn't helping Nathan and the rest of them fight. Renton replied that he had been calling their enemies, Gloed and Divat to come and end their feud, as he, for one, was tired of the fight over things that happened years ago.

Angry that Renton had actually invited them over, Ichi said that the only reason he wanted them here was because Renton wanted to fight, beat, and then own Divat as his wife. Surprised at his friend's accusations over his character, Renton replied that he was indeed in love with Divat, but that would have no bearing if she could not be turned; Renton would kill her if need be. Still unconvinced, Ichi went to the cockpit, and then to the escape pod, if Renton was dumb enough to have asked them to come to their ship, then he was stupid enough to ask Gloed to come to Almania's surface to fight. Seeking his adversary through the Force, Ichi presented his proposition, to which Gloed accepted a bit too eagerly." - This author seems to have a addiction to battles and duels happening at the same time. A lot.
 * "Sensing it again, Ichi went to investigate, and soon found that he had been confronted with one of Gloed's most fiercest creations: Hollow, an attempt at making an all-powerful, mindless Sithspawn that followed only him. The attempt had been successful, although, as far as Ichi knew, he hadn't had success the second time he had attempted it. Raising his specially-made vibroblade, Zangetsu, Ichi told the creature that it was going to die. The creature merely grunted and attacked, causing Ichi to move back and rethink his next move. Ichi Go sheathed Zangetsu for a moment and ignited his lightsaber, as he knew the Sithspawn was resistant to his vibroblade from past experiences. His dark red blade shining brightly in Almania's light, Ichi Go made the first move and swiped at Hollow's feet, but missed, as the beast's agility and stamina were far better than his." - You can't write an encyclopedia like a fan fic. That doesn't work.

"Announcing that he was there to finally end his family's shame, Gloed sheathed his lightsaber and brought out his own vibroblade, a dark and twisted version of Zangetsu. Ichi's self-control lost at the sight of the desecration before him, he lost all of his thought processes and attacked Gloed with a blind rage. Laughing the entire time, Gloed goaded Ichi on and on, attempting to make him fall to the dark, and then intending to kill him when he did so. Ichi, however, informed Gloed that he had no intention of falling, as his true Master, Nathan, had always shown him ways to use his anger for the betterment of all. He didn't see things in shades of black or white, he saw them in grey, and planned to make sure Gloed would know this as well, because he was going to turn him to the light." - Oh, that's original.
 * "Chuckling at the idea that Ichi could turn him to the light, Gloed Force pushed Ichi into a nearby butte and slashed after him. Remaining stubborn, Ichi said that no one person was beyond redemption, no matter how much he hated himself for saying that after what Gloed had done to Ichi's mother, father, and brother years ago. Beaming with pride, Gloed said he would have done it a thousand times over, just to see the look on Ichi's face when he ended her life.

"Refusing to let that coerce him to join the dark side, Ichi Go fought on. Noting that Gloed usually left his head open to attack every now and then, Ichi planned to swipe at it at the appropriate time. Slathering him with Force lightning, Ichi then used the momentary pause to his advantage and attacked—aiming for Gloed's head. But, instead of the quick and easy victory he had foreseen, Ichi was stabbed by Gloed, who had cast an illusion over himself, so that Ichi would go for it. Surrounded by his own blood, Ichi began to heal himself as fast as possible, but, instead of the attack he thought Gloed would bring, he saw that Gloed had brought more of his failed attempts to create another Hollow. Finding himself surrounded, outmanned, and outgunned, Ichi prepared to die. However, he felt the spirit of his mother calling out to him, offering him her strength and devotion and became heartened." - This is so overdone and unoriginal I don't even know where to begin.
 * "The Sithspawn finally returned, and Ichi still remained sitting, as if he could have cared less about what was about to happen. Dauntless, the Sithspawn attacked, but the first assault wave soon found itself in no less than twenty neatly sliced pieces. By using the Force, Ichi had taken large chunks of the ground beneath him and thrown them towards his opponents. Screaming to his creations to continue their attack, Gloed was getting a little bit frightened. Where was the bleeding profusely, almost dead, Ichi Go he had left to be finished off? What had happened in such a short time for him to have regained his strength and composure? Questions better left for later, as Ichi Go had just defeated the last of the Sithspawn Gloed had brought with him. Cursing him to Chaos, Gloed brought out his twisted Zangetsu and jumped from the hill he had been standing on to get to Ichi, if his minions could not end this, then he would." - If there's anyone I hate seeing a character turn into, it's Rambo.

"Helpless to prevent his half-brother's death, Ichi walked to the escape pod he had come to Almania on and noticed it had been destroyed by a stray laser shot from one of the Sith vessels. Seeing Gloed's vessel nearby, unscathed, he went to it and departed the planet, but kept the burden with him. He wondered how Renton had done against Divat. His pensive thoughts were answered when he was commed by Renton, who explained that he and Divat had reconciled and they were awaiting for him to extract them on the planet's surface. Asking them for a precise location, Renton replied that it was the only spot on the planet with a huge robot. Quickly saving them, they departed from the battle and regrouped with the other survivors. All in all, the battle had been a success, albeit a costly one for both sides." -
 * "The next couple of years after the Battle of Almania, Ichi Go and the Scourges of Those Bad Guy People did what they did best: annoying the kriff out of the Sith by scuttling several operations." - Goofy point of view. I wouldn't have mentioned this one except for the goofiness.

"The Jedi were almost wiped out as a combatant and the Galactic Alliance was basically defunct." - How many times has this happened before?
 * "Tenel Ka, had taken in Jedi survivors and had asked for them to help her form a new government, the Galactic Commonwealth. Nathan, feeling that this was what he was meant to do, asked the others for their opinions. Ichi was in leader of the opposition, who wondered if the Commonwealth would be strong enough to even stand up to the Sith." - So Ichi's reason for opposing a new government is his opinion that the Sith would probably beat them? It seems the craziness is coming back.

"The opposition was immediately won-over and they applied for membership into the Galactic Commonwealth." - Why did you even mention his opposition if you weren't going to give a good reason for it?
 * "However, he did miss out on a very important mission that would have a major impact on his life for hundreds of years: the mission that Nathaniel Kenobi Solo, his children, and the mercenary Faustus Van Nolmbet undertook—the capture and or death of Crie Krobos." - Yeesh, I almost forgot about that geezer. Who the heck is he?

"The cryptic Rutsenafo knew more about Ichi Go than he knew about himself." - Just this once, I'm going to pretend to know what in the name of Heaven this article is talking about.
 * "Seeking answers that they couldn't find elsewhere, Ichi, Eureka, and Renton consulted one of the most famous minds in the field of Humans: an old, disgruntled clone named Doc. Doc had been one of the first clones ever produced by the Kaminoans, and he was also the last of his brothers remaining, as the rest had died, and the other clones were based on new genetic templates." - Why is Doc so famous, and why is he expected to be able to help Itchy?

"If anyone could find out why the three of them never aged, and why they looked almost eternally young, it was him." - Oh, that? I can answer that. The author wanted them to.
 * "After running some tests, Doc informed them that he couldn't tell them anything that they didn't know already, elaborating that it looked as if their very biological structures had been changed sometime during birth." - Uhh, whatever, dude. If you want to try and throw some science into this story, go ahead.

"(Doc later died of old age after this incident, at the ripe old age of one hundred and forty-six years-old.)" - So a clone with accelerated growth lives longer than normal humans? How does that make sense?
 * "After conferring with several of the Jedi healers that resided in the Commonwealth, the trio were no closer to finding out their true origins than before, as the healers were just as astounded as they were to find out what had occurred to them. So their only option left was a senile, one hundred and seven year-old man named Nathaniel Kenobi Solo, who happened to know of a Force power that could have resulted in their changes." - How do they know that Nathan knows how to help them?

"Nathan recounted that several powerful Force users in the past had been known to manipulate midichlorians to shape other sapients to become something else. Among them were such notables as Darth Infineus, Darth Monarchist, and Reven.) The power was known to them as the Midi-Chlorian Mix. If Nathan's suspicions were correct, then they had been genetically-altered by a powerful person who had done this seemingly at random for no possible reason." - So someone did it randomly for no reason. Excellent work. You've successfully made as much sense as sandpaper underpants.
 * "If the Jedi did not scout them out before the death of Abeonis, the Commonwealth would be in danger of not knowing what to expect of the next Sith Lord to take power. For the next six years, the trio watched the possible successors to Abeonis and reported back to the Commonwealth. Their reports came back with the following information. Proditor was a powerful man, but nothing to be feared, as many in the Empire despised him. Debello, on the other hand, was to be feared, as he was very charismatic and patient, and could be a danger to the entire Galaxy if he succeeded. Even worse, his apprentice, the former Jedi Knight—now Sith Knight—Darth Krayt was every bit as ruthless as his Master. There truly was a no-win situation for the Commonwealth." - A "no-win" situation? Since when are Sith Lords who are ruthless, charismatic, patient, scary, and dangerous anything new?

"Nathan, his friend and mentor, had died at the hand of the very thing he wanted to protect the entire Galaxy from. Ichi Go swore that Krayt would pay." - Oh, geeze. Another personal vendetta against the bad guy?
 * "Ichi Go was furious at the outcome of the whole thing and began to experience weird headaches and pains. Seeking medical advice, he was told that Renton and Eureka were suffering from the same ailment. Before a proper prognosis could be given, all three of them fell into a state of hibernation, where they would remain for the next fifty years." - Wha? Hibrination? Why does this article present information like a fan fic?

"In 189 ABY, the trio found themselves in a large hospital room with coma patients." - What exactly was the point of this?
 * "Jebupa explained that as of the last week, the Commonwealth had folded and had been replaced with the Jedi Autocracy. It was being led by the Grand Master Zeferi, who was the last of the original New Jedi Order, besides the present company, of course. She explained that the Sith were virtually the same as before, except they were a little powerful, but they kept them in check and neither side sought out conflict anymore." - This is basically just a recycle of previous situations with different names for the factions.

"Investigations were once again postponed when a new threat arrived: the Zao tenj. At first the Autocracy avoided fighting them, but once they realized that the Sith were losing the war, the Jedi agreed to join the fight. Foremost among them were Ichi, Renton, Eureka, Tai painj, Urai Fen, and Jehn Rhin." - Oh, geeze. Another uber-deadly new enemy from the unknown?
 * "Near the middle of the war, circa 250 ABY, the three began to experience the same symptoms as before, and once again fell into a state of hibernation." - No information on what they were doing until then is given.

"Several governments had arisen to take over from the fleeing Sith and the Autocracy, which was now formally a part of the Third Republic. Everyone's allegiance was up for sale and the Jedi were looked down upon because of their actions during several pacification operations. It was truly a dismal hour for the three Jedi Masters. However, they decided that they couldn't do anything at all to prevent more atrocities—as all sides were guilty in some way, shape, or form, so" - So in other words, nothing new.
 * "they couldn't help any of them—so they decided to finally renew their search into their distinctive, mysterious past." - If they get sidetracked again I'm going to punch myself.

"Seeking the help of Nathan, they went to Coruscant, where they knew his holocron was being kept safe from raiders and pillagers." - How could they knoew it was still there? Lots of stuff has changed (supposedly).
 * "Covertly, they were able to take the holocron out and replace it with a fake." - Why did they need to steal it? Who were they stealing it from?

"Nathan's Force ghost laughed, stating that he hadn't meant to sound that way. Growing serious, he then divulged all he knew of the man named Crie Krobos, of whom, he had reason to believe was the man who had experimented on the three of them along with two other young children when they were newly-born. After he and the dhampir Faust had gone to Tianascalve to apprehend and/or kill Krobos, they had found a diary, which only contained a few writings, as the rest had been ripped out by another sentient sometime previously.

In the remaining papers, Nathan had discovered references to something referred to as the Destroyer of All, the deathworld, and the Five Who Would Save." - Great jumping monkeys, now you're throwing a prophecy storyline into this thing?
 * "Further attempts to investigate had come up short, but thanks to another source, he had been able to unearth DNA from the ripped pages, and found, to his horror, that the DNA was from Sos-uke Aizen, who apparently was far from dead." - It's been so long since I started reading this article that I've forgotten who Sos-uke Aizen is. Oh yeah, he was the dude who almost had the Acclamator crash on him.

"Other than that, all he could reveal was that there was a young woman who appeared to "suffer" from the same symptoms as the three of them and that she was known to frequent a secluded patch of land on Novus Kamino Prime for some unknown reason." - Why was that all he could reveal? How did he figure all this out, anyway? Or do you mean to say "all he could deduct"?
 * "But before they left, Eureka said that she felt as if that hadn't been Nathan's Force ghost, elaborating by saying that she felt that it seemed almost to be like she had felt Nathan before, when he was in either his astral projection or ghosting form. Shrugging off the explanation, Ichi said that they had better hurry to get to Novus Kamino Prime, so that the fresh clues they had been given wouldn't stale with age." - I sure hope this isn't spooky foreshadowing.

"Arriving in the Novus Kamino Prime system the following day, they sought out the woman who Nathan had sent them to find." - How did they know where to look? Did they even know her name?
 * "When they soon became surrounded by the pack animals, they began to lose hope" - Why didn't they just force-teleport (ghost) away?

"However, Pibbe had little or no information about the mysterious woman, claiming only one sighting of her." - How do they provide enough information to ask about the woman? They don't even know what she looks like.
 * "a massive explosion came from outside. Going out to investigate, they found that a rival pirate group, the Returners, had found their rival's base and were planning to eliminate the competition." - Then they're going to meet the mysterious woman right after thsi conflict ends, right?

"the Returners' nuclear device was already loaded and was heading straight towards them." - A nuke? If they had a nuke, why didn't they just bomb them with it from afar?
 * "Opening his eyes to see what had happened, Ichi Go witnessed a large, orange triangular shield hovering over the pirate's den, and it was absorbing the entire brunt of the nuclear device's assault." - What? I don't think even Yoda could do that.

"the woman addressed herself as Ori Hi-Me, and that she had been looking for them for a very long time. She gave a quick story of living in isolation for hundreds of years since she had been experimented on by a man known only to her as the Day-Walker. Noting that Day-Walker had been a moniker given to Krobos by his own people, Ichi asked how she had escaped and why she had come here." - No context is given as to the nature of these "experiments".
 * "However, in the many years after that, she tried to find the other three that the Human had asked her to find, but to no avail, as she had no idea what they would be like. After years of despairing for information concerning them, she had found absolutely nothing." - I wonder who these three are. Probably not our intrepid adventurers.

"there was an ancient tablet that was secured in one of the terraformed jungles in the southern continent that she and the others must read before continuing to the deathworld. Before he could ask for an even bigger headache, Renton said that they should use their new "friends" to gain access to Korriban, so that they could figure it out on the way there. Thinking it sound advice, Ichi queried Pibbe to see if they could get shipped to Korriban, to which Pibbe replied that it was feasible, that was, if the price was right. Muttering under his breath, Ichi Go paid the Hutt in advance and they departed for Korriban, unsure of what was going to happen next." - Why can't they just get to Korriban using their own ship?
 * "that the uniqueness of the device was because it had been created by the ancient Sith, and was an artifact of immense power and strength." - Another immensely powerful artifact?

"then asked where she kept it, as he hadn't seen her carrying anything with her when he had first seen her using it. She replied that her hairpin was the Shun-Shun-Rikka. At first believing that she was teasing him, Ichi began to play along, but discovered that she was absolutely true, and the hairpin she had was indeed the device she claimed it to be when he tested it out." - Hairpin? Oh, come on.
 * "While Ichi was wondering the meaning of it all, he began to think of how beautiful she was, and his face began to turn red at the thought of the two of them together. He had been smitten the moment he had seen her rescue them. But before he could relive his fantasy again, Ori asked him why his face had turned so red, leaving Ichi to create an awkward defense as to why his face was red, but, thankfully, Pibbe came into the corridor they were in and announced that they had just reached Korriban." - Captain, we've just collided with Komedy!

"two of her most trusted men, a Weequay named Jrol Nuy and a Makurth named Ensin Riky. (She claimed that they would destroy any Sith artifacts that they encountered on the way to their location, stating that the more they annihilated, the less chance some punk with a lightsaber would turn to the dark side because of them.)" - More komedy!
 * "The planet's native creatures proved to be their worst adversary, besetting them at every opportunity that they presented." - Nothing wrong with that...
 * "Among them were wraids," - Check.
 * tuk'ata," - Check.
 * "shyracks," - Check.
 * "mutated, carnivorous nerfs that were remnants of some of Mutatos' Sith alchemy experiments." - What? Who the hell mutates nerfs with Sith alchemy? That's like the Galactic Empire sending a task force to the Hoth system in search of runaway jaywalkers.

"Eventually reaching a river, they stopped to rest and were greeted by violent terentateks. The creature's immunity to the Force presented a dangerous problem to the group's fighting strategy." - Looks like they're in trouble. I'm sure that no one will swoop out of nowhere and rescue them, otherwise I'm going to punch myself.
 * "when all seemed lost, a myriad of plants were driven from their roots and brought to attack the terentateks." - That hurt.

"Most forced themselves inside the creature's stomachs and made them explode from the sheer ferocity of the attacks." - You don't need to put that much detail into these articles.
 * "With the terentateks dead, the group looked to find their saviors, who turned out to be a group of primitive looking aliens. Greeting them, Ichi tried to ask them if they knew anything about something called the Tablet of Truth, the name Krobos had given to the tablet. The primitives jabbered to each other in their unintelligible language and then stated, in near-perfect Basic, that the Sixth Out of Five needed to speak with them concerning the Tablet. Astonished, the group then noticed that they were completely at the mercy of the aliens, as they had surrounded them from all sides. Seeking to figure out who the Sixth Out of Five was, Ichi ordered the rest of his group to back down and go with the aliens." - Surrounded by the unknown natives and taken somewhere for an unknown reason? Reminds me quite a bit of Episode Six.

"Marching into the jungle, they were brought to an ancient temple, where, seated on a throne, was Sos-uke Aizen, beaming down at them." - I'm shocked and awed. The villain who was introduced and forgotten returns.
 * "Drawing out Zangetsu, Ichi began to lunge towards Aizen, who made no move to prevent him from doing so. Expecting a trap, Ichi moved back, but saw that Aizen remained planted on his throne" - That must have been hilarious to watch.

"Demanding an explanation, Ichi's rage grew to the boiling point. Aizen, remaining calm, explained that he had been waiting there ever since Krobos' untimely death several years ago. He elaborated further by saying that he was waiting specifically for them to arrive. Ichi then asked him why he was waiting for them. Aizen replied that they needed to fulfill the prophecy. When he saw the quizzical looks on their faces, he began to tell the real story of Crie Krobos." - In this way, the article is written like some kind of weird hybrid between a fan fic and an article.
 * "In 57 BBY, Crie was born to two Rutsenafo parents, and then began a regular life" - Ok...
 * "regular for a Rutsenafo, that is" - Good thing you cleared that up, else I would be in the dark.
 * "his parents would tell a bedtime story designed to scare him into listening to them, the saga of the Five Who Would Save. Then his parents sent him to fulfill his Bloodrite, to which he completed in four years, instead of the regular five, as he had found a way to integrate a Tiani sapphire into his body before he was supposed to." - What? What the heck are you talking about? What's a Tiani sapphire? Since when is he ever supposed to put one inside him, and what purpose would that serve? Wouldn't that hurt? What's a Bloodrite? No context is given, and that gets under my skin.

"Deciding that he wanted to begin his studies in the field of science, he experimented on the few travelers that came to his homeworld, finding out more about their various anatomies and the like." - I don't want to think about the possible implications of this.
 * "Crie was remarkably gifted with the ability to withstand the sun's light." - You've lost me here. You have freaking lost me. Does this have something to do with his species? Stop assumeing that the reader already knows this stuff, because chances are, he doesn't.

"Many Rutsenafo were amazed at his uniqueness and he was immediately sent to work in the laboratory of a famous Rutsenafo scientist, Dlav Urladac, who wished the young man to become his test subject." - Good Lord of Heaven.
 * "Once Crie found out, though, he began to slowly take away his master's health and Force over the period of six days, which eventually lead to the man's death." - And he did this... why? How was he able to do it, anyway?

"Crie was not implicated in his murder, as no one would have believed a mere nineteen year-old could have mastered the dreaded Force power that all experienced Rutsenafo learned. He then proclaimed himself the Director of Science, a boast not held lightly by the other higher-ranking Rutsenafo. Such a thing was unheard of, but he soon proved his worth—and one of his better known attributes of buying others off to get what he wanted—to them by creating a vast army of Tianascalve zombies to be used at the expense of the Counts will." - Zombie army? At this point, why the hell not?
 * "Several years later, Crie would remember the bedtime story his parents had once told to him. Something about it seemed to suggest that the story was not just a story, but an ancient prophecy that revealed the actual end of the universe." - Err, right. That's not even close to a leap of logic. No, this is what in Star Wars is called a hyperspace leap of logic.

"Fearing death, he began to validate his hypothesis, seeking to find out if he was indeed right. His travels led him to the polar regions of Tianascalve, where rumors told of an ancient complex that housed the secret to uncovering the mystery behind the prophecy. After a day of searching, he found what he was looking for: an ancient holocronlike device that was the last gift the ancient Count Iroggri Partisun, or the man who had delivered the End Times Prophecy." - Is anything about this prophecy going to be explained other than the fact that it's big and powerful and ancient and dangerous and mysterious?
 * "Curiosity got the better of him, and Crie unlocked the device before he checked it for any booby traps. The specter of Iroggri slowly came out of the device and told Crie that he must go to the world of the Sith, and find an eons old tablet that held the entirety of his prophecy." - The "specter" of Iroggri? Is that supposed to mean his ghost or something? If so, why was it inside the thing at all?

"Thanking the specter, Crie made ready to leave, but the complex's walls began to close in on him, effectively trapping him in the building, that was, if he hadn't sped away to the exit in time." - Why did you word it like this? Were you trying to catch the reader off-guard or something?
 * "Immediately, he secured transport to the planet Korriban, much like the Ichi Go and the others had done, and, after he had landed, sought out the Tablet of Truth. Meeting resistance from some of the planet's native inhabitants—Original Sith, Massassi, Korribanites, and their slaves—he soon killed the majority of them by removing their life forces from them." - ...so you're saying this untrained dude basically wiped out the majority of this planet's three civilizations on his own?

"Leaving a trail of blood behind him, Crie marched forward to the rumored location of the Tablet of Truth, and struck gold." - Cha-ching!
 * "Aizen then paused for a moment, and then Ichi began to grow tired of waiting for him to continue and bluntly asked him to start up the 'wonderful' story again." - This detail was unneeded.

"Growing impatient again, Ichi charged forward to read the tablet, but found that it was written in some foreign language and ended up getting a headache from trying to translate it." - The headache detail was especially useful.
 * "Aizen then read from the tablet, and, for the first time ever, the other four would find the truth they had been searching for." - Here we go...
 * "Following the years of rebellion, there will be a seeker who finds truth in the spoken words of I.

He will find the traditions are wrong and that the end is near. Using his knowledge, he will find the Five Who Would Save. He will experiment on them, so that they will find their true path. The seeker will also provide the five with gifts of power Two of the Five will be given a machine of immense power. Another shall receive a weapon imbued with the Force. Whilst another will be given a strange artifact of unknown origin. And the last of the Five will receive the knowledge to destroy that which they must destroy. However, one of the Five will die at the hand of another, but a replacement will be made. After seeing what he did was good, the seeker will be killed by two separate rivals, but his legacy will live on. There will be a time following the era of unity, where the age of the dark will follow. The Five will then be reunited on the planet of the Sith. The Destroyer of All shall arise on the deathworld, but the Five will overcome it and enforce it to rest again. However, if the Five should fail, all will be lost. When the crisis is over, the Five will agree to remain behind on the deathworld in hibernation based on the advice of a friend thought dead. A turncoat shall arrive in a new era of darkness, seeking refuge from a once faithful friend and he will find power beyond his wildest dreams. One of the Five will come and meet their end to him, and the turncoat will unleash the Destroyer of All. The Five, now four, shall help the turncoat sacrifice himself to end the monster once and for all. After that, all will be well."
 * Basically just your standard "doomsday approaching need savior(s) who perfectly-fit-with-main-characters" prophecy.

"A moment of silence swept into the room after Aizen finished the translation. Realization began to creep into Ichi's mind. It was all beginning to make sense." - Oh, great. Now the "revelation" scene begins.
 * "Beginning in 14 ABY, Crie Krobos had finally found the five people he knew were the ones the prophecy spoke of. Experimenting on Gloed and Eureka first, he had awaited the next three, which turned out to be himself, Ori, and Renton. Over the years, all five were granted with amazing success in battle and were given strange implements to win them. Renton and Eureka had the Nihr'Vash, while Ori had been given the Shun-Shun-Rikka. He had been given Zangetsu, while Gloed had begun knowledge in the arts of the ancient Sith alchemists, having power that no one could ever dream of. He had also been the one who was foretold to kill another member of the Five, as Gloed had died because of him on Almania. However, the idea of a replacement began to bother him. Who could it have been?

His question was answered when Renton asked Aizen if he had been the replacement, stating that he should have died on Kelakus, but had obviously been saved by someone, Crie, perhaps. Aizen applauded Renton on his ingenuity, and admitted that he was the replacement for Gloed and had since harbored no feeling of ill will towards Renton or Ichi for their attempt on his life, he had deserved no less for what he had done.

After the revelation of Aizen's true nature, Ichi began to grow more pensive and began connecting more of the dots. The seeker was obviously Krobos, and his two "rivals" had been Nathan and Faust. There had indeed been an "age of unity", better known as the Unity era. People were beginning to refer to the era they were in now as the Dark Age, which seemed to make perfect sense. All five of them had met on the world of the Sith. But this Destroyer of All and the deathworld made him cringe, because he had no idea what they could represent. Asking Aizen what was next on their agenda, he was told that Tianascalve was to be visited by them once again, before they could begin their search for the deathworld. Meeting up with Pibbe, who had waited outside, they began to send in the coordinates to Tianascalve, not knowing what was in store for them." - This is almost like Indiana Jones, except with Star Wars... and Anime... and Prophecies.
 * "Ichi went to interrogate Aizen before they continued to Tianascalve, which they had just reached. Ichi then asked him why he had gone to Korriban just to tell them they needed to go to Tianascalve, to which Aizen replied, Dramatic effect." - Komedy!

"Aizen calmed him down by stating that they had needed to see the Tablet of Truth before they could continue on, as it was very important to their quest." - Why not just bring it to them instead of letting them look for it?
 * "Being that it was midday, there was little or no chance that one of the planet's inhabitants would attack them." - Why would they attack the group at all?
 * "In the middle of the march, a young Anzati named Pliko Mar—who, like the majority of the Krayt Killers, was mildly Force-sensitive—felt a disturbance in the Force. His proclamation was soon given value when the others felt it as well. Eureka then asked Aizen if he knew what they had felt. Aizen said that they were near Crie's old cloning room, where all of his clones had been brutally slaughtered by Nathan and Faust. It was now a nexus of dark side energies." - Cloning room? Did I miss something here? Once again the article assumes that I know what it's talking about and doesn't want to explain stuff.
 * "Aizen finally found what he wanted in-between the bed springs: the diary of Crie Krobos. Aizen then handed it to Ichi Go, who was surprised that it was actually written in Basic, rather than the Rutsenafo's modified form of Anzat. Ichi then asked what Aizen wanted him to do with it. Aizen then told him to read it, so that the others could finally learn the entire truth of their origins." - Not another revelation scene...
 * "The diary opened up much the same way Aizen had recollected earlier to them, however, Crie had been personally responsible for making the decisions the others had "made" in their lives. Such as forcing a prophecy into the mind of Regy Orfec, effectively giving him a fatal headache and ending his life" - Fatal headache? Huh?
 * "bending the mind of both Ichi Go's parents and the mother of Eureka to send Renton and Ichi to Nar Shaddaa" - Wha?
 * "causing the ship malfunction that sent Gloed's personal vessel to Korriban, where he would be captured by Mutatos and converted to the dark side" - I...
 * "'suggesting' Eureka should leave known space and find the fabled Sith Order of Decreto" - Engg...
 * "and bringing about the 'death' of Aizen, thereby making sure a suitable candidate was available should one of the Five fall" - ...

"The Five—minus Aizen—began to sink down into several of the chairs in the room, trying to gather all they had just learned." - I tried to understand all this, but if I try a second time I don't think I'll get off easy.
 * "went back to the diary and resumed his reading. The diary seemed to skip a couple of years, and the next date Ichi found was one dealing with something that had been referred to in the prophecy: the Destroyer of All. Created by ancient Sith alchemists in the earliest stages of the Galaxy, sometime during the fabled Pius Dea Crusades, the Destroyer of All—actually referred to as the Jagare Av Samtliga—was the most fearsome weapon ever devised. A living being, it was imbued so much with the Force, that normal weaponry was essentially useless against it." - Useless against it? I guess that means they're screwed.

"Sometime in the Crusades, a team of Jedi Knights had been able to locate and enforce the Jagare Av Samtliga to enter a state of hibernation. They then sealed it, along with many representatives of the Sith and Pius Dea, on the deathworld, better known as Dödsfallvärd. Apparently, Iroggri Partisun had been present at the altercation, and had received a Force vision concerning the reawakening of the terrible beast. Before Ichi could continue the reading, a large shudder went through the ground: Tianascalve was under attack." - Another interruption. Do these people ever get a break?
 * "Confusion ran amongst the Krayt Killers and Jedi underneath Crie Krobos' mansion. Who or what would dare attack a planet full of very powerful Force-sensitives?" - What do you mean "who would dare"? Since when does a person being force-sensitive make that person especially dangerous? Granted, a force-sensitive usually gains basic precognition and reflex abilities, but if they're not trained in the Force, it won't take them very far.

"but a shot rang out and the glare of at least twenty lightsabers met them: the Jedi had come to Tianascalve." - This sounds batty, but I assume it'll be explained shortly.
 * "Ichi Go, furious to know that it had been the Jedi attacking them, demanded an explanation. The clear leader of the group, a well-built Human named Kenial Flau announced that they were there to merely annihilate rivals to their cause, and he was sure members of the Avenging Sons could understand. Puzzled, Ichi asked who the Avenging Sons were, to which the man laughed, clearly amused at their confusion. The Human's lieutenant, a male Jenet named Mio Messaggero, stepped forward and asked how they couldn't know about the group that they were so obviously in. He pointed towards their Jedi robes and mocked them, saying that they couldn't play him for a fool: they were really members of the Avenging Sons, clearly there to stop the Followers of Bogan from achieving their goals." - Then again...

"they soon found out that the Avenging Sons had launched an attack to save the Rutsenafo from extinction. After that, Kenial stared down Ichi and the others, and then revealed that he was going to kill them, because he thought that they had been sent to spy on them. Igniting his lightsaber, Ichi prepared to attack Kenial, but was pushed backwards by Mio. Growing complacent, Kenial sent the other eighteen members of the Followers of Bogan topside, to assist in the attack on the Avenging Sons. Just as he was about to attack the group, Kenial was skewered in the back by Mio, who seemed to not enjoy any of what he had just done. Sighing, he addressed Ichi Go by name." - I don't know who either of these factions are... at all.
 * "they needed to find the only person who could possibly smuggle them into Dödsfallvärd safely: Imbel Kenobi Solo." - How many people is Nathan related to? Seriously.

"Over the next couple of days, the Five and their allies swept across the Galaxy in search of Imbel Kenobi Solo. During the search, Ichi asked Mio about Imbel and how a descendant of Nathan's could ever end up as a smuggler. Mio said that at an early age, she had been reviewed by several Jedi Masters to see if she was Force-sensitive. However, she was actually not and the discovery caused an uproar in the order." - Why would that cause an "uproar"?
 * "her parents attempted to raise her as best as they could, but she was considered to be severely "crippled" by the Masters of Ossus, so they forced her parents to exile Imbel to Taris, where they planned to use her as a missionary worker." - That's cold, man.

"However, on the way there, she had been visited by the Force ghosts of her ancestors, Nathaniel Kenobi and Nathaniel Kenobi Solo. Both had revealed to her that there was a reason why she was born without the ability to use the Force and that, in time, she would understand it, but for now, they instructed her to leave the ship and group up with a smuggling ring—the Vindicator Squad—and to find a way to become the leader of the group and overthrow the present one, a Dolucian named Lerek Kiseret." - More secret shit thrown into the pot, courtesy of Nathaniel.
 * "Having successfully infiltrated the Vindicator Squad, Imbel then allied with several like-minded people and killed Lerek in a bloody battle." - No context is given on why this is necessary.

"Mio then told Ichi Go that it wasn't important now and that they needed to head towards Bespin, where Imbel and the Vindicator Squad had set their headquarters on the remnants of Cloud City." - A movie location? That's actually something of a surprise.
 * "She replied that she was scared of all the new developments the Galaxy had gone through since the last time she had hibernated. She told that she was very insecure around others because of her isolation within Crie's mansion. Lack of contact with any other beings except Krobos and Aizen had made her development as a child and onwards horrible and that the first time she had ever gone anywhere else besides the mansion was to deliver supplies to a contemporary scientist "friend" of Crie's, who was working near the planet's spaceport." - Oh, great. A potentially terrible or mysterious story. I hope a mysterious man doesn't show up out of nowhere.

"In so doing, she was looked down upon by the other Rutsenafo and was about to deliver the supplies, when a couple of drunk Human miners had cornered her into a wall. Not knowing anything about society and what they planned to do with her, she had been unable to think of what to do next. When it became apparent that they had wished to rape her, she was transfixed and couldn't protect herself from the shock of so many new things happening at once. However, she heard the voice of a man who was around the age of eighty-five cry out to the miners to leave her alone or face his blade." - ...right on cue, out of nowhere swoops the mysterious man.
 * "The miners, undeterred, proceeded to do the exact opposite of what the man had said. Before she could react, Ori witnessed the Human's appendages go flying off of them because of a brilliant white blade working in unison with a black one. Awestruck, she saw the remaining men fall on their knees and beg forgiveness. The old man then told them to leave the planet because it would soon become a battlefield, and gave them directions to the planet Hapes. Turning to Ori, he informed her that she was to lead them and that if they gave her any trouble at all, she should kill them with a lightsaber he handed to her. Unsure of what to do, Ori had asked why she needed a lightsaber, because she didn't know how to use one. The old man replied that he had provided her with an instruction holocron that would help her learn, as her Force-sensitivity would provide adequate protection from missteps she could suffer. Curious, she had asked him why he had done provided her with these things. He replied that it was the least he could do, because he felt that she was to have a larger role in the future." - Larger role in the future. Nothing unusual there.

"Ichi, who had been listening and wondering the name of the master of Mio at the same time, then asked why that was important now that she knew how to interact with others. Ori then explained that she still couldn't do it, and that she feared distancing herself from the others in some way that greatly offended them. Ichi then replied that she had done nothing to deserve that and neither would she do so in the future. Then, without realizing what he was doing, he reached over and kissed her. Surprised and a little embarrassed, Ichi began to apologize when she gave him another. The moment was ruined, though, because of a proximity alert from the bridge: they had been followed by the Returners, and they wanted revenge." - Classic; the two lovers share a moment before being interrupted by the sudden and unexpected arrival of the enemy.
 * "Rushing to the bridge, Ichi and Ori found that the Heart of a Hutt was surrounded by over six enemy vessels. - the crew had become deeply demoralized and feared that there wasn't a hope for salvation." - Per usual.

" Before anyone else could react, the two ghosted off of the ship and the sensors began picking up an unknown object began to decloak off to port. Renton and Eureka had brought the Nihr'Vash to help them in the search. The crew could only watch in amazement as the "outdated" robot took on six ships three times its size and vanquished them all in a battle lasting a fraction of twenty-five minutes. Noting that he would kill Renton for not revealing that he had the Nihr'Vash with him the whole time, Ichi let out a sigh of relief. Renton and Eureka ghosted back on board the Heart of a Hutt and Pibbe told the navigations manager to resume a course to Bespin." - I think my eyes just glazed over. What was the point of that?
 * "Ichi was blocked from his target by the leader of the Jedi there. The man announced himself as Sartat Kenobi Solo and told Ichi Go and the others that they could not allow the Avenging Sons to interfere with the True Leaders of the Way." - Just when I think nobody could ever think of such a ridiculous name for an organization.

"Aizen chuckled, and said that the "learnings" of Nathaniel Kenobi Solo were what had kept the order alive for as long as it did." - Does the galaxy never cease to kiss the great Kenobi Solo's arse?
 * "Locating Imbel in the Force, all six of them ghosted out of the room." - When you can teleport anywhere whenever you want, that solves lots of potential story problems, doesn't it?

"Approaching the Followers of Bogan's ships, the six Jedi were almost forced off the platform because of the immense pressure resonating from the leader of the Sith." - What exactly was the leader doing that caused the pressure? "Darth Ambitieux, the leader, applauded their resolve and told them it was futile, because while he was a wannabe Sith Lord, they would never hope to be able to defeat him in combat. The six of them then ignited their lightsabers and launched themselves towards their opponents. Instead of fighting, Ambitieux merely watched, somewhat curious as to whether or not the six Jedi fighting his forces were the ones that had fought his people on Tianascalve. He also wondered if five of them had been the ones who were the legendary ones who lived their lives for fifty years and then slept. Closely noting that they did indeed have very similar characteristics to the stories he had heard of, Ambitieux called off his men." - Why do his musings have any affect on the orders he gives to his men?
 * "Surprised that the fighting had stopped abruptly yet again, Ichi and the others awaited to see if it was a ruse. Ambitieux, however, had no such ruse and instead, shockingly, he offered to give them Imbel back, stating that she was of no further use to him as she was now. Sensing that he was sincere, but cynically thinking that he was still a Sith, Ichi asked what he wanted in return. Ambitieux stated that all he wanted was for them to have a safe journey." - This Abitieux chap sounds like an escapee from the bloody loony bin.

"Fearing that the Sith had somehow heard of the Jagare Av Samtliga, they decided that they would mask their ion trail on the journey to Dödsfallvärd." - How did they mask it?
 * "the six Jedi sensed the presence of the True Leaders of the Way coming to their location. Deciding that they weren't a threat, they remained on the platform and waited for them to come. Sartat was in the lead, and stopped only when his Jedi had reached Ichi and the others. Noticing his raving sister, he began to try to calm her, but was rebutted. He then insisted that the six Jedi leave and let him handle the issue at hand." - What exactly happened to her? A panic attack?

"all hostilities were ended when a sudden flash of white light had appeared next to Imbel: the Force ghost of Nathaniel Kenobi Solo. Instead of addressing either party that was involved, Nathan merely glared at Imbel, who was still denying that she needed to help the Five out. Ichi tried to talk to Nathan, but he felt a huge pressure prevent him from speaking out. He noticed that Sartat was also experiencing from the same problem as he was." - Why is Nathan's ghost always mucking around with everyone's business?
 * "Imbel said that a holocron with information on the planet was rumored to be on the planet Dubrillion." - Where did these rumors come from, and where did they hear of them?

"But before they could begin a true search, they found that a large organization of zealots was already there and were attempting to unearth another valuable object: the lightsaber crystal of Abigaile Jade Kenobi. Ichi, trying to figure out why they were there, asked them. The leader, a Yerma named Hih Fol, explained to them that her organization was called the Exalted Few, as they called themselves, and they were a highly specialized group of people who were not Force-sensitive. They viewed the Force as something that should be given to everyone and Abigaile's Heart was rumored to do so. Ichi Go sarcastically wished them luck and left them alone, taking Mio, Ori, and Renton with him to look for the holocron." - Why does Itchy's group care what the zealots are doing and why does Itchy in particular disapprove?
 * "However, the Exalted Few would not let them leave, citing a prophecy that spoke of the ones who could show them the way to the crystal." - Another prophecy?

"Seeing that they were outmatched and outgunned, Ichi decided to cloak Eureka and Aizen and told them to continue searching for the holocron. Eureka and Aizen then went to do so, because they wanted to reach their destination and not get embroiled in yet another conflict. They went towards the Vakavostok continents region, where they had detected high amounts of Force energies." - How exactly did they detect the energies or whatever?
 * "Arriving at a huge temple that looked like it had only been built about ten years before they had arrived. As soon as they reached the outer doors, they felt a disturbance in the Force and were met by the Followers of Bogan, who also sought the holocron. Surrounded and with no hope or prayer for survival, Eureka ghosted Aizen to a secluded room that was beneath their feet." - Dues ex machina. Sort of.

"Realizing that the Sith had located them, they rushed to find the holocron, which had been placed in the middle of the room. It activated and a tall Rutsenafo figure then recited the coordinates needed to find the deathworld. After that, the holocron was shut down and whisked away by Darth Ambitieux, who had been watching in the corner for an opportunity to strike. Before Ambitieux could get away, he was met by Ichi Go and the rest of the Five and Imbel, who were followed by the Exalted Few and the Krayt Killers." - Wait a minute. How did Ichi and the others find them?
 * "In the battle, Hih was able to escape and used the distraction as a way to locate Abigaile's Heart, which she felt was in there. Finding the place where the holocron once stood, she checked it for an inscription or some other clue as to where the crystal could be located. Finding an inscription, she noted that it was written in Bartokk and quickly deciphered it" - In the middle of a battle? With no chance of getting stabbed in the back or anything like that?

"Just then, a stirring was made inside the stone that housed the crystal and it was released from its hiding place. Grasping the stone with glee, Hih stated to all the Jedi, Sith, and others there that she was now the ruler of the Galaxy." - Ruler of the galaxy? Is this woman high or something?
 * "She then began to think of their destruction and was astonished when it didn't work. Dumbfounded, she was met with even more laughter." - Is there a point to this?

"Furious that her life had been a lie, Hih then activated a thermal detonator and said that none of them would get out of their alive. In response, Eureka ghosted the thermal detonator out, which caused much more laughter." - Okay, this is just stupid.
 * "Luckily, though, Eureka stated that she had eidetic memory and knew the exact coordinates they needed to use to get to the deathworld. Using the Force to increase their hyperspace speed, the Jedi were prepared to battle to the death." - Force Ultrahyperspace? Cool!
 * Nathan then went on a long, drawn out monologue, so that he could bring everything to light." - Reminds me of this article, except without anything being brought to light.
 * "He told of how he, after learning of the future from the Diary of Crie Krobos" - How did he find the Diary?
 * "had decided to help the madman's plans continue, as he felt that he had actually gotten things right for once." - Had "gotten things right" for once? What does that mean?
 * "Nathan continued and went on about how he had discovered the still sleeping Jagare Av Samtliga several decades ago on Dödsfallvärd" - Why was Nathan on the planet in the first place?
 * "and had determined that he would be unable to prevent its coming and that the Five Who Would Save would be the only method of the creature's execution. Patiently, Nathan waited for a chance to make it look like he had died, which would inspire the Five to act quicker to find their goals, but would also form a sort of mental block on Ichi, who rarely did anything without Nathan's advice. Nathan knew that this would impede their progress and that they would spend their years in hibernation until he decided it was time to act." Bhwuh?
 * "Over the years, Nathan had started a secret organization whose sole purpose was to follow whatever he told them to do. Nathan paused for a moment, looked at Mio, and then asked if everything was in readiness. Mio smirked and said that it was. Ichi then demanded to know what was going on. Nathan chuckled and revealed that he had set them up with Mio specifically, because he knew Mio, being his Nonpareil Knight of the Secret Conversations with the Faraway, would help the Five to the Deathworld without as many problems. Further explaining himself, Nathan said that he had instructed Mio to get his agents out of the various factions that fought for control over the Galaxy and to send them to the Deathworld, so that they could help the Five complete their mission. Content that he had explained himself fully, Nathan then returned to his monologue, ready to get rid of the last portions of his grandiose plan." - I don't think I can take this much longer.
 * "Restarting where he left off, Nathan told of the Avenger's Knights and then went to his manipulations of Ori and Aizen, stating that the two he had just mentioned needed those years of isolation and soul-searching to finally become what he needed them to be. He also thanked Aizen for not giving up the story and that his part had been well-played. Nathan then went into detail of how Krobos had specifically given each of them a weapon to be used in the battle. To Ichi, he had given the Force-imbued Zangetsu, so that the Destroyer of All would face the power of the light striking against it. To Eureka and Renton, he had given them the Nihr'Vash, which could hit the Sithspawn from places it could not reach, giving them an advantage in battle. To Ori, he had given the Shun-Shun-Rikka, knowing that the device had tremendous power of the dark creations of the Sith. Finally, to Gloed and, eventually, Aizen, Krobos had arranged for them to find ways to learn Sith alchemy, from which the Jagare Av Samtliga was formed." - It's a classic "too f***ing much to understand any part of it" conspiracy.
 * "Those weapons combined, the creature would stand no chance, but only if the Five worked in unison and knew everything about themselves." - ...knew everything about themselves? What's that supposed to mean?
 * "However, if the Five were to cast the message Nathan had given to them aside and still confront the creature, the Galaxy was doomed to die in a horrible onslaught that would kill trillions of undeserving people." - Why? What makes this thing so freaking dangerous? Can it fly through freaking space?
 * "It was now their time to choose their path: whether they would listen and forgive Nathan for his actions, or they could choose to disregard it and hate him for what he had done. Ichi answered before anyone else, stating his opinion that if he knew where Nathan was hiding right now, he'd kill him, but he then apologized, saying that he knew that Nathan was only trying to help." - Once again Itchy exhibits his schizophrenic tendencies.
 * Good freaking gravy, this is the second time you've had dozens of events revealed to be part of an enormous one-man conspiracy! Does this mean that both of these conspiracies were set in motion by another character with another conspiracy?

"Rising from the ground came forth a large creature of unimaginable size." - If you ever imagined this thing's size, then that description is automatically inaccurate.
 * "In its teeth was Darth Ambitieux, who had fallen victim to the Sithspawn he had unearthed in his crazed attempt to rule the Galaxy." - How would this thing help him rule anything?

"Ichi then told the others to get their gear ready, because the battle was about to begin." - Wouldn't it be safer to just bomb the shit out of the thing from orbit?
 * "Pibbe quickly called for an aerial assault, but she found out that the Returners had joined up with the Followers of Bogan and that the Sith had been overtaken by a new master: Darth Novusorsa. Without support from above, it looked bleak for the Five, but" - How does there being another Sith leader prevent bombardment?

"several new ships began to pour into the Dödsfallvärd system: those that bore the markings of the Avenging Sons. The new ships began to attack the Returners and Followers of Bogan, allowing Nihr'Vash and Heart of a Hutt to reach the besieged Jedi. Leading the charge was Sartat, who had had a change of heart and decided to actually listen to his ancestor's words." - Everyone the main character has met thus far who is still alive joins him to fight the evil. Come on.
 * "After an assault by the Nihr'Vash and Heart of a Hutt, the Five discovered that the creature was nearly invulnerable and that the strafes were basically useless." - Why? Does it have armor? A shield? Is it invisible? Is it a decoy?

"Ichi asked Nathan to come out and help them. Nathan replied that he would come only as a last resort and that they were nowhere near that yet." - Why does he need to come only as a last resort?
 * "Nathan then dropped a subtle hint about the Jagare Av Samtliga, saying that it was just a shell for something else. Puzzled, Ichi asked Aizen what he could mean, to which Aizen replied that he didn't know. Aizen then remarked that the creature could be a vessel for holding a much smaller creation. Nathan seemed to smile at this and offered another hint: Derriphan." - Why can't Nathan just help directly?

"In response to the answer, Aizen began to tell Ichi Go to bring out Zangetsu, as it was the only way they could stop the monstrosity. Curious, Ichi asked what he meant. Aizen explained that the Derriphan was a Sithspawn that was used by the ancient Sith to devour their enemy's memories, thoughts, and lives. Obviously, thanks to many years of work by a Sith alchemist, the Derriphan that inhabited the body of a Leviathan had grown to allow itself to consume entire worlds of beings." - If it could consume worlds of beings... then why were they alive to contemplate that fact? Besides, destroying all life on a planet isn't anything an can't do. What gives?
 * "If they let the creature go, then every being in the Galaxy would be consumed by its insatiable hunger." - ...unless it can't fly through space on its own, which case it's stuck on that planet for good.

"Ori and Aizen then combined his knowledge of alchemy and the Shun-Shun-Rikka to form a large concentration of deadly energy, while Eureka and Renton moved the Nihr'Vash to fire at the exact spot. Both let loose a fury that rocked the ground beneath them. Their intended target had been hit and a large hole was now a part of the Leviathan." - How can a hole be "part" of something?
 * Rushing, Eureka and Renton moved the Nihr'Vash towards the wounded creature, while Ichi leaped from the robot and fell inside the beast." - Wait a minute. You're using a freakin' giant robot?

"His trek found him in the belly of the beast, where a large black starlike orb stared back at him." - How can something without a face stare at someone?
 * "However, a bearded Human figure soon showed up by Ichi Go's side. He told the beast that what he had tried to finish years ago would end now with the power that he lacked. Acting as a barrier, the Human specter told Ichi to use Zangetsu before it was too late and his powers dwindled. Ichi then impaled the orb, causing a massive chain reaction, and he blacked out." - Suspense.

"Ichi Go woke up an hour later to find that he was being attended to by Ori and several healers in the Avenging Sons. He asked what had happened, but he was told to rest by Ori, who said that he had suffered a concussion from his exploits." - A concussion? That's it?
 * "With a sigh, Nathan asked one more favor from the Five. He asked if they would remain on Dödsfallvärd to watch over the Derriphan, so that it could never get free and no one would use it for their own ends ever again." - Huh? You said it would be trapped forever in the sword. Why not just shoot it into a sun or something?

"told him that he shouldn't worry about anything with them on guard. After that, he entered his pod and went into stasis." - What a sucker. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 22:47, 19 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  18:52, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:12, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:08, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Yes. I read this infernal thing from start to finish, and I will not let it escape my wrath. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 22:47, 19 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints
2. I see nothing different from the last time I reviewed this, and I had no complaints back then. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 01:00, 20 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * Image:Jonbac.JPG is not properly sourced. Take that, Baccie! - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:05, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Fixed. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 19:14, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Sure it is. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:21, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. Fix da image! - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:02, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:21, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Negative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 01:00, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Mary Sue.
 * 3) *Not GA - probably FA'ed before rule was in place.
 * 4) *Only 14 non-date links.
 * 5) *None of the images are properly sourced.
 * 6) *Barely anything negative is said in the P&T. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:17, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) From the scratchpad of Atarumaster88
 * 8) *Tense issues
 * 9) *BtS is a list. I hate listy BtSes, but at any rate, it's too small.
 * 10) *Mary Sue.
 * 11) *Not reading all of this, sorry Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:34, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:17, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:35, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Only 10 non-date links.
 * 3) *Lots of prosey stuff. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:29, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:29, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Mary Sue.
 * 3) *Non-GA - FA'ed before rule was in place.
 * Image:Hooley.jpg and Image:Tatooine.jpg are not properly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:50, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the Scratchpad of Atarumaster88
 * 2) *BtS is way too small.
 * 3) *Mary Sue.
 * 4) *Section headers have capitalization issues.
 * 5) *I'm not going to go line-by-line through something that has serious Mary Sue issues. BTW, there are far too many quotes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:02, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:50, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:12, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:11, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Mary Sue.
 * 3) *Not sure if this counts, but the FA era icon is out of order with the norm.
 * 4) *P&T barely says anything negative.
 * 5) *Purely preference, but the images are not staggered right-left-right etc.
 * Image:Mutatos.jpg, Image:AmphistaffClone.jpg, Image:DarthMalakartwork.jpg, Image:DarthKrayt.jpg, Image:Zack.JPG, Image:Unk.jpg, and Image:Eriadu.jpg are not properly sourced, and Image:Nathan'sholocron.jpg and Image:PolisMassans.jpg are falsely sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  21:52, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the scratchpad of Atarumaster88
 * 2) *Screams Mary Sue.
 * 3) *Lists Must Die. At least lists that look like that.
 * 4) *BtS is terribly small.
 * 5) *Un-encylopediac section titles, with capitalization errors.
 * 6) *Sorry, not reading this line-by-line when it needs this much work. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:25, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) If you want my take on this, just read the review on my userpage. As far as I know, none of the problems it mentions have ever been addressed. If they have, however, I can produce a list of at least thirty-five more problems before the day is out. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 15:16, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  21:52, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:15, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Until Duke Nukem Forever is released. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 15:16, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Only 18 non-date links.
 * Image:Ithorian.jpg, Image:Ananana.jpg, Image:Teddy.jpg, Image:Baltimn.jpg, and Image:Dexwithmp.jpg are not properly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  00:29, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  00:29, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Mary Sue.
 * 3) * Purely preference, but the images are not staggered right-left-right etc.
 * 4) * None of the images are correctly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  01:04, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ** Now only Image:Revancon.jpg is improperly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  01:04, 23 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) From the insane desk of Atarumaster88
 * 7) * No context on Mardoc.</s.
 * 8) * "the infamy of a dark overlord, the wealth of a thousand kings, and the power of the Sith. " prosetry.
 * 9) * "During his reign, he took the title of Reven, now insane, he was certain he was Revan’s Force ghost come to defeat the Republic." Comma splice.
 * 10) *"Though everything began well and went according to plan" Well is POV.
 * 11) * Need context on Garr and his killer (intro)
 * 12) * If you care about canon, the plural of Korun is Korunnai, not Koruns.
 * 13) **"Chester was worried about Simeon's attitude, he told the Council to be wary when they tested him for Jedi training." Comma splice.
 * 14) *"Somewhat worried by Cester’s reactions to his questions, he told the Council to be wary" Unclear antecedent.
 * 15) **"He was sure to tell them about his dreams and attitude that reflected dark side thoughts." This new wording still has an UA subject. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 02:54, 20 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) *"it was clear that Mardoc was better trained and had more stamina than Simeon" POV/OOU.
 * 17) **"After a brutal clash of swords, Mardoc came out on top, he had trained as a Knight, and his opponent was still a Padawan." Better w/ regards to POV, but it's a comma splice now. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 02:54, 20 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 18) * "Groaning in unimaginable " unimaginable is POV.
 * 19) * "the dark side could give you. Wealth of kings, the power of the Sith, and the fame of a Senator could be his" Second person, some prosetry.
 * 20) * Mardoc fought as though his body and soul were filled with it" Prosetry.
 * 21) * Context on Surno needed.
 * 22) * "Now with a decent-sized force" POV.
 * 23) * "powerful military, if it was given the time." POV.
 * 24) *" while he and his best men went" Reword best. It's so unoriginal.
 * 25) *"he and his best Dark Jedi" Ditto.
 * 26) **"Strongest" is still a hair POVish.
 * 27) * "Arriving on the planet was easy enough, there weren’t enough Judicial Forces left on the planet to catch them during their descent." Reword the beginning, comma splice.
 * 28) * "fight off the attackers, they decided there was no other option" Unclear antecedent.
 * 29) * "n addition, the Senators gave Palpatine power over the armies and Senate because of their mistake in doing so" Clarify.
 * 30) * P&T before P&A please.
 * 31) * "Simeon was an average lightsaber duelist, but a subpar Force user" POV.
 * 32) * "Though his lightsaber dueling skills were better" POV.
 * 33) * "secure his status as the best lightsaber duelist amongst the Regalak Empire." POV.
 * 34) * "He was vain and inanely greedy, desiring wealth and power above all else." POV.
 * 35) *" Unable to think or lead clearly, Jed Surno made many of his decisions." Unclear antecedent.
 * 36) * "His most brilliant plan was striking Coruscant while using Anaxes as a distraction" POV.
 * 37) *"his ships landed and began to take hostages and form a defensive perimeter around their attacking sight." Wording issues at the end.
 * 38) *All small fixes. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 22:36, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 39) **I believe we've beat this topic to death via IRC, but I believe I fixed everything. –  JM ' 76 ' Ask Archives [[Image:Sabersmilyjm76.jpg|18px]] 00:01, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  01:04, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. :) - Solus (Bird of Prey)  01:23, 23 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * There is a 'major rewrite' template.
 * 3) * Pictures aren't very evenly spaced - there are none in the middle of the article. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  01:22, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **OK, now both of these things are taken care of/irrelevant. Please adjust accordingly. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 18:41, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) From the insufferably cute and innocent-looking desk of Atarumaster88
 * 6) * Not an objection per se, but you might want to ask one of the resident photo gurus to tweak the main image to remove some more of that T-shirt that overlaps with the Jedi robes.
 * 7) **I can do it myself, I just did a lazy/quick job to get a new image up specifically for the review. But since you can't object on quality of images, I'll attend to that in the near future. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 18:09, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Just wanted to bring it to your attention. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:47, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * Introduce his Force-sensitivity earlier in the intro please. Also in Bio. Just because two Jedi have a kid doesn't mean they're Force-sensitive per se . . . regardless of the prevalent attitude in the EU.
 * 10) **Yeah I know, and I fixed in the biography. However, it's introduced in the beginning of the second paragraph of the introduction, and I don't find it fitting to go any earlier. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 18:09, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) * "During his childbirth, there were minor complications regarding his body size in comparison to his mother," Clarify.
 * 12) **Done, my bad. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 18:09, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) * "news of a situation on Dolomar." A little context.
 * 14) **Done. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 18:09, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * Is it supposed to be "Marshall Law" and not "martial law"?
 * 16) **lol, whoops. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 18:09, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) * "severely severed their ability to use the Force" Cute wordplay, but awkward/POVish.
 * 18) **Awww, c'mon... lol. Fixed. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 18:09, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) * "He was able to successfully kill the attack stormtroopers," Wording.
 * 20) **Rar. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 18:09, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) * "everything was better for everyone," Reword/informal/POV
 * 22) **Right, fixed. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 18:09, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) * "which was a severe misinterpretation which only led to needless mind-boggling thinking for Roviik" POV.
 * 24) **You're killing me, Larry! &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 18:09, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) ***Hate to harp on this, but the "needless thinking" is/was a bit confusing. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:56, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) ****My bad, again. I'll fix that up. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 19:30, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) *" he would get completely over it" Informal.
 * 28) **Right, fixed. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 18:09, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) * "From the Knights of the Old Republic mod, Drewton used an image of Dorantes to create the texture, to create a resemblance between Dorantes and Roviik." Comma splice.
 * 30) **Bah. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 18:09, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) *I applaud your minimum of POV issues and your partial referencing. 5 minutes will fix all of this. This is, however, about the bare minimum I'll accept on length. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:55, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) **To comment on that, I am glad you will accept my article's length, but I know there are articles on Wookieepedia like A-3DO that are shorter than this and still FA. Since this is all the information for Roviik available, I see no problem with the "length" since length shouldn't be a factor as long as there is sufficient information. Anyway, all fixed. Have a Fancy Year. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 18:09, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) ***To comment on your comment (-) ), Wookieepedia has a completely different set of rules, something I take into consideration. Over there, we're limited to canon information. Here, the only limitation is imagination, and there is a length requirement in Rule 3.5 of the FAR. That said, I'm happy with about 19-20 KB for an article floor. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:56, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) ****I understand that, but just because our limit is imagination, so is any professional and licensed Star Wars author. It's just here, it seems we can write "pointless fanon" forever, as if we have no limits. With Roviik for example, that is all I'm going to write about him, at least until after Knighthood is finished, which won't be for a long while. Therefore, I will be limited for information on all my characters, based on references from Knighthood and Star Wars Tales: Narod Antrell, both of which are upcoming and unfinished. For example, Brandon's Annikin Skywalker will be limited, based on the limits from The Chosen One, etc. But anyway, I have nothing to complain about, since this article has passed your requirement. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 19:30, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) *****Yes, well they have editors to worry about! And we lack . . . uh, DLs and HPs aren't really . . . okay, well, I'm stumped there. I know Rhea's been thinking along these lines, but I would use a more Wookieepedia-style guideline for something mostly/entirely from fan-fiction. That would be a completely different ball game; that's not to say a 5 KB article entirely from a FF would be FA-worthy IMHO, but there is a distinction.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:47, 26 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  01:22, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:50, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) For the moment. I expect to be changing this opinion relatively soon.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:55, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * No, Approved by the Desk. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:47, 26 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * All but one of the images are incorrectly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  01:33, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  01:33, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  01:38, 23 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Besides the preferential lack of image staggering (right-left-right etc.), I don't see anything wrong with this article. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:22, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:22, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * Image:Morrer-tortured.jpg is not sourced properly.
 * 3) * Purely preference, but the images are not staggered right-left-right. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:25, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh, until the image is sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:25, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Tis done. --<font color="#9F05">Victor <font color="#AA00">(talk) 20:59, 1 July 2008 (UTC)


 * 1) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  21:09, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints
2. I could spot no problems other than the above. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 01:44, 20 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Only 7 non-date links.
 * 3) *The P&T seems kinda short.
 * 4) *Almost all of the images are incorrectly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:46, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:46, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Affirmative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 01:44, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the desk of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * A red link.
 * 3) * Image:UssejGeneric3.JPG, Image:UssejTakenAbackRendar.JPG, Image:BacWorking.JPG, and Image:UssejDamienLake.jpg are not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:50, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Both errors rectified. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 17:50, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * You forgot to vote, B-Rhea. :p - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:54, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:50, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:54, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Negative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 01:32, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * Image:UssejPadricBacII.JPG, Image:UssejMeetsBara.JPG, Image:UssejComfort.JPG, Image:UssejContemplatesFuture.JPG, and Image:BacIICoverBoli.jpg are not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:57, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Images now sourced. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 17:51, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Not in a voting mood? - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:55, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:57, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:55, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) I abstain for now, as the article is currently undergoing a rewrite. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 21:35, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Almost all of the images are incorrectly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:04, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:04, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints
3. I think my colleagues' observations are sufficient. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 02:07, 20 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Only 10 non-date links.
 * Image:Vogga.jpg, Image:GotoYacht.jpg, Image:Filose.jpg, and Image:Kuat57.jpg are not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:09, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) *" Out of all the generals on the unified side" Clarify "unified side"
 * 3) *"resting in the pouch with only his mother's nourishment." Reword.
 * 4) *"Vogga was brought up to be a hateful person" POV.
 * 5) *"None of them knew of his brilliant plan " POV.
 * 6) *"able to vault Vogga's respect into the upper echelon of Hutts on Nal Hutta" Reword.
 * 7) *" He came to the conclusion that the Hutt was murdered and the culprits did not take the treasure under fear of being caught. They clearly did not take his philosophy; you do something bad, you make sure you get as much out as you can." Wording confusion, no context, second person, tense, POV.
 * 8) *"to kill the supposed best bounty hunter on the planet in Mira." Reword.
 * 9) *"would be leant to unstable worlds in need of it." leant is not a word, AFAIK.
 * 10) *"Vogga was finding it hard to comply." Clarify/reword.
 * 11) *"But the good-willed female only wanted Telos to survive. Of course, Vogga agreed. He did not have to give up much, but would gain much more." Reword "good-willed"
 * 12) *"Of course, Vogga agreed. He did not have to give up much, but would gain much more." Informal tone.
 * 13) *"the little girl's " The Exile is not a little girl. Reword.
 * 14) *"The man threatened a mouthful and immediately retreated into thin air." Reword.
 * 15) *"warehouse and deadly spikes" Deadly is POV.
 * 16) *"Vogga was able to turn off the sensors if a wanted visitor was coming." Reword.
 * 17) *"Vogga had become to premier crime lord" Reword.
 * 18) *BtS is lacking. This is a major concern.
 * 19) *Stopped at Filose Naj because the author hasn't been here in awhile. Fix these and I'll continue the review. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:29, 22 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:09, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:29, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:13, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Affirmative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 02:07, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints
2. None. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 02:15, 20 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * Image:Rem7.jpg is not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:12, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. Source it! - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:12, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:56, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Negative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 02:15, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments/mindless banter
Fixed the image, though that was your image. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 17:55, 1 July 2008 (UTC) "You don't have to ask to use one of my images" - I win. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 18:00, 1 July 2008 (UTC) 1) You had told me long before then that I could use images from your gallery here, and 2) although it was at my own will, it was before we had a very serious image policy. Besides, by shifting the blame to the fact that the original image was not sourced, you are stating that you willfully uploaded an image without a proper source. Checkmate to you! - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 20:12, 1 July 2008 (UTC) You had the double standard first by saying it wasn't okay for me to use one without a source! - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 20:28, 1 July 2008 (UTC) Well....I...you....I lose! - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 21:17, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Not my fault - I didn't offer you the image. Your prerogative, your payment. - Solus  (Bird of Prey)  17:56, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) That was after you used the image for Xendor, and 2) You still chose of your own will, fully capable of the knowledge that it was not sourced. Besides, the original image - the one I edited to get it - was yours. Checkmate. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:50, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * You say it's okay for you to use images without sources before the image policy, but I can't? Double standard, Baccie. That's called cheating. Your rook can't move diagonal. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:27, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I didn't put it in an article. You did. I didn't nom said article for FA. You did. My non-existent article isn't up for review. Yours is. Life's tough. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  21:05, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Sweet. I will mark this on my calendar. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  21:19, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * Mary Sue.
 * 3) * A little prosey.
 * 4) * Purely preference, but images are not staggered right-left-right etc.
 * 5) * Almost none of the images are correctly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:15, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * There might be a bit of prose left, but that's it. He is no longer a Mary Sue (by my standards, anyway), all images sourced and are "staggered" according to preference. ;) (And now you can actually read it in one sitting!) –  JM ' 76 ' Ask Archives [[Image:Sabersmilyjm76.jpg|18px]] 08:00, 13 August 2008 (UTC)


 * 1) From the revamped desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * Move the second sentence to its appropriate place in the intro chronologically please.
 * 3) * Consistency between Master and master.
 * 4) * I'd like a little more context on the intro regarding his family background. It's a bit unclear.
 * 5) * "the innocents of Doluc II " POV.
 * 6) * "Though his entire squad was killed, he was kept alive by the Force link he shared with his sister, Alinia. " Context?
 * 7) * "As Zack stared inside as a silent fear engulfed his heart," Reword.
 * 8) * "Zack and Alinia took one last look at their home before the Jedi's starfighter jumped to hyperspace." That's a very uncomfortable trip if it's in a starfighter.
 * 9) * "After using Force lightning on Zack and paralyze Jyubar" Reword.
 * 10) * "Mandalore was about to cut Jyubara, Zack cut Mandalore's right leg" Redundant verbage. Reword.
 * 11) * "He watched helplessly as Rath crushed his lightsaber beneath his iron heel" Uh, context? Is Rath a cyborg?
 * 12) * "Basking in its dark radiance, he allowed the dark side to engulf his body and heighten his sense before he closed the holocron and placed it inside his satchel." Prosetry.
 * 13) * "and though Zack was being foolish and immature for so abruptly interrupting his work." POV.
 * 14) * "and the building itself was razed from by the Dolucian rebels." What building.
 * 15) * "Zack Fayne's Dark Jedi were succeeded by Ryan Vex" Uh, what Dark Jedi? No apprentices are ever mentioned.
 * 16) * I'd like to see more in P&T about his relationship with his master, as well as his life as a Jedi. (War hero status)
 * 17) * "until he stopped using Ataru altogether." He used it at the end of his life, no?
 * 18) *Fascinating BtS and much better than I remember. ;-) Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:13, 13 August 2008 (UTC)
 * All fixed. And thank you, the BtS was my favorite part. –  JM ' 76 ' Ask Archives [[Image:Sabersmilyjm76.jpg|18px]] 19:02, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:15, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Prosey? Lol. That could be a pain to fix (rewriting whole article :D). I'll see what I can do... --  JM  76  Ask   Archives  [[Image:Sabersmilyjm76.jpg|20px]] 23:30, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Lol, I had to make it up because 'flowery prose' is copyrighted by Wookieepedia. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  23:53, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Meh. Fine, you can have your prosey. Regardless, I'll try to make it more encyclopedic when I have the time (it is quite large after all ;D ) --  JM  76  Ask   Archives  [[Image:Sabersmilyjm76.jpg|20px]] 00:13, 2 July 2008 (UTC)


 * 1) No. I likes it! - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:44, 13 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. Desk approved following revisions. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:22, 13 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) No. This is so much better. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 21:14, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * Image:CardenMannuxMain.jpg, Image:PlagueisDante.JPG, and Image:KaneMain.JPG are not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:28, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Fixed. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 17:58, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the dark and guarded desk of Atarumaster88


 * Fix the Dark Sides, please, Brandon.
 * "They prepared to unleash their fury on the unsuspecting innocents of the galaxy" POV. (intro)
 * "In his fortress, two major and mysterious chambers stood out." Reword this, per 3.1 and 3.2
 * "It was a fairly convoluted process and Ragnos needed someplace special to work on it, hence why he built a fortress in the middle of nowhere." More rewording needed.
 * "It was a long, drawn out ritual and a great deal of Sith magic was involved. In the end, even he did not know what would happen during the ritual. All he knew was how it would end." This seems a bit flowery.
 * Perhaps I'm not catching it that quickly, but in space do the Sith Battle Lords have to do with the Dark Guardians? I'm six paragraphs down and not seeing the connection. Your intro also does not state this connection. Condense please&mdash;this is a major concern. EDIT: I've been reading further and their first official creation is in the 26th paragraph. This is not a good thing, especially when so much of it could be summarized into three or four. Alternately, tweaking the intro would fix this.
 * "Shortly thereafter, he made his way through the jungle to an abandoned Mandalorian base where he commandeered an abandoned shuttle to disappear." Final infinitive seems out of place; reword or something.
 * "As Carden was disgusted by what the Sith had become, the information greatly intrigued him." A bit unclear here. Should the first word be "though"?
 * "Much of the information was cryptic, at best, so he had trouble understanding it. However, he devoted all of the time he had to uncovering the mysterious within that manifesto, and that was all he did for nearly a year." Just read it and see how badly this needs reworded. Also, cryptic in this sense is POV.
 * "He immediately made his way there and when he arrived a few hours later he found a great deal of carnage within the Senate, much of it being Rajani’s signature work." More flowery prose/POVishess that requires a Rule 3.2 smacking.
 * Your Rajani Zahra image needs a more specific source.
 * "Dire was amused, to say the least, though after seeing Carden’s immense power he allowed him to become a part of the growing Fourth Sith Empire." Ugh. Rule 3.2; reword please.
 * "When he saw his theories work effectively in his guardsman" Should this be guardsmen? Or should it be "Guardsmen"? I wasn't sure.
 * "However, he did not ask questions, but rather he accepted his instructions and moved ahead with his experiments, where he even gained additional followers who believed in the cause." This makes no sense to me.
 * "This wasted a great deal of time on the part of the Dark Lord, as it took years to train a new apprentice. " POV.
 * "returned from a self-imposed exile with a twisted mind and lacking the soul of the man he once was. " unprofessional tone.
 * Capitalize all the Imperial mentions. They are a faction, just as much as British, American, Russian, Rebel, and Klingon troops are given the capitalized adjective.
 * "The Stormtroopers were able to hold Starkiller back, but the boy was able to show extraordinary courage and ability while resisting them." Fix the capitalization and that POV.
 * Ditto with Rebel, per Imperial example.
 * "After asking his men to leave him for a few minutes, he realized that he had been on the wrong side of the war for so long and his reasoning for fighting with the Empire had been based on a lie. Therefore, he struck down his men and escaped the planet." POV, informal tone.
 * Italicize Millennium Falcon upon all mentions. This goes for Falcon as well per 3.1
 * "However, there was no strategic advantage to doing so." Seems a little POV to me; maybe not.
 * De-capitalize Light Side on all mentions.
 * "Lettow were taught that if they were to anger their enemy and shortly tempt them with their darker emotions, they would have no chance of turning a soul of merit. The righteous would know that they were safe from such primitive behavior." Rule 3.1, 3.2 informal tone, POV.
 * "There was not a great deal of actual government and politics involved in the Dark Guardians of Lettow, and there were two ways that someone would be able to think of when the word “leader” was used in the context of the Lettow." Run-on and confusing.
 * "They were mostly used as guards and Advanced Shock Troopers if necessary." You would know better than me, but I don't think that should be capitalized.
 * "At that point, they were skilled enough to rival skilled opponents and were taught how to influence minds and have a strong attunement to their environment." So they were skilled, eh? Reword, please.
 * "Sith Military" Check your capitalizations; Imperial military is not a proper noun&mdash;Imperial Army is. This should follow suit unless you have a good reason.
 * Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day.

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:28, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * Image:Whill.JPG, Image:Yahweh.JPG, and Image:KristannaAdena.JPG are not properly sourced.- Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:34, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *Fixed. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 16:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:34, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  21:19, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Only 18 non-date links, using the maximum 'pre-canon' link amount of 10.
 * 3) *Almost none of the images are correctly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:36, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the sovereign desk of Atarumaster88


 * Rampant POV throughout article needs correcting. This is a major concern.
 * Short, choppy paragraphs throughout article need correcting. This is a major concern.
 * "Their reputation was respected, if not feared. Though they, for the most part, kept to themselves and their planet, the power and influence they held was admirable to say the least." POV
 * Decide between Unknown Regions and unknown regions, as well as Outer Rim and outer rim. In both cases, canon uses the capital letters.
 * "During their first year, they met a modest people, other Humans, who housed them. Eventually, all twelve married. Four years later, wild beasts called Vujaaras attacked the village. The attack was unknown for several minutes. During that time, many had already died." Rewrite this entire paragraph. It's anecdotal and has no syntax variety. Rule 3.1
 * ""Dominate Code of the Followers". Do you mean Dominant? Either way works, I suppose.
 * "Still, those chosen where still rich in their Force capabilities." Unclear; rewrite.
 * "Grammar conventions state that Hidden Knight should neither be placed in quotes consistently or italicized. Same goes for Shrine, Crystal, etc.
 * "initiate and advanced ranks were established, and the discovery of more powerful Force powers were underway. Still, the order's most fragile weakness " Rewrite this; it just doesn't read well.
 * "Aros Fayst carried, from the enclave on Dantooine, a very large and special force crystal used by many Jedi Masters. " POV, and the Force is always capitalized.
 * "Jaratenge remained an undiscovered planet by any of the dominate governments." This might need changed to dominant.
 * "With reserves of automatic fuel, she put herself into carbon freezing to make the journey. Leaving her trail of coordinates to hyperspace back, she'd be able to get back in only a few hours. Naturally, the people of Jaratenge, including the Sovereign Order, had no idea they were discovered. Nor would they ever learn of it until approximately 200 years later." Rewrite this entire paragraph. What is automatic fuel? Fragment at the end; last two sentences could be merged.
 * Decide between Senate and senate. The former is preferred.
 * "An order that had the right to rule." Fragment.
 * "The Honored Blade of Vexus was an extremely powerful sword," Really? I bet it slices cheese really fast as well. POV.
 * "This was widely thought to be a renaming for a more accepting name. This was actually to keep suspicion about their former down, so their history would not be narrowed down by outsiders of Jaratenge." Reword, unclear per Rule 3.1, 3.2
 * "Naturally, their history going back nearly 5,000 years, no one knew what they were hiding. " POV, and contradictory with the previous sentence.
 * "Widely called "The Genius of Jaratenge", Sovereign King Aros XXIX was the greatest strategic tactician known in all of the Sovereign Order's and Jaratenge's history. Unlike the other Sovereign Kings, Aros XXIX didn't have the prodigy warrior skills like his ancestors, though his power's potential was still the same. Rather, he displayed ingenious abilities, even when in combat, to overcome his opponents, rather than his using raw power." Rampant POV and Gary Stuishness.
 * "ventually becoming powerful as all the other Kings, Aros XXIX had a remarkable affinity towards strategic combat. Renowned even outside Jaratenge, he was King during the Raid on the Shrine of Vexus. His amazing tactics during the attack entitled him even more fame, and caused the Order of Sovereignty to gain Galactic Fame." Multiple errors; capitalization and POV among them.
 * "was formed and desired more power. The Order of Sovereignty, as it had made clear nearly three thousand years ago, absolutely refused to engage itself in political matters, including treaties. All attempts at a successful negotiation with the Empire ended in failure." Why is this bolded? There are other bolding issues as well throughout the article. Debold these.
 * "The odds were terribly in the Empire's favor, " POV
 * Entire Growth of Power section is filled with rampant POV that must be corrected regarding their spaceships and comparisons. This is a major concern.
 * "This also prevented any fleets from escaping to any part of the galaxy, ensuring that all opposition would be annihilated." This just makes no sense.
 * "It was their "Sovereign Right"." POV and italics/quote errors. Prosetry to boot.
 * "The war that shadowed the Subjection Wars, the Sovereignty Campaign was a violent galactic-level war involving nearly all of the Galaxy to a level not seen since the Yuuzhan Vong War." Prosetry, reword per Rule 3.1 and 3.2
 * Decide between Galaxy and galaxy. The latter is preferred according to MoS.
 * Italics problems in the Sovereignty Campaign section.
 * "massive corruption in the senate". Problems with POV again.
 * "Despite their opposition to many of the views in the Galactic Senate and the fear many had of them, the influence held by the Order of Sovereignty was remarkably substantial—and the Sovereign King's alone was even phenomenal." POV.
 * "All matters, even some of the more insignificant, well all directed to him," Confusing; reword.
 * "Minor Force Manipulations in the Galactic Senate to achieve certain goals were rare, or even unheard of, as the Order's despised the Senate's corruption as it was. All kings in the orders' history were already very intelligent, one was even called insidious." Poor quality prose and POV. Rewrite per 3.1 and 3.2
 * "Making matters worse," POV.
 * "Sovereign King only met by another blade—lby one of the Sovereign King's "Guards". The battle was intervened, thus ended in a stalemate. " Wording and spelling errors.
 * "Within seconds, his was in a heated dual with a Hidden Knight, in which his hands were cut of, and, ultimately, was nearly killed." See above.
 * ". Sharp to an intense degree, and with it's own attune to the Force, the Blade of Vexus was the sword used to appoint the next Sovereign King." POV, apostrophe error, and wording error (attune?)
 * Tense errors in Honored Blade.
 * "In other words, this sword was allowed to be used only by firstborn Sovereign Kings, heavily increasing the swords uniqueness. " Prosery and apostrophe error.
 * "the Sovereign King would often "meet the people", so-to-speak." Quotes and prosetry.
 * "The Honored Blade of Vexus was carved by Aros Fayst himself, and refined by the other former padawans. The powerful relic has a high sentimental value among the Order of Sovereignty, second to the prized Vexus crystal itself. Only the Sovereign King is allowed to even touch it." Tense, POV, and the sentences just don't fit.
 * "Among the Order of Sovereignty, there were two distinct, one usually annual, ceremonies." Unclear wording.
 * "The Shrine of Vexus was unarguably the most prominent temple within the Sovereign Order, as it housed the High Council of Sovereignty, and more importantly, the Sovereign King himself" I argue that it's POV.
 * "The Coruscanti Temple was secondary importance, as it housed the Vexus Council, who's power was second to the High Council of Sovereignty." POV and apostrophe error.
 * "The Malastare Temple was highly a training institution for Xiás or Paladins." Wha?
 * Per Rule 3.1 all numbers at least below twenty should be spelled out; it is an appropriate convention for formal writing.
 * Very sketchy BTS for 48 KB. Expand. This is a major concern.
 * Upon finishing, I find this article to be a Mary Sue Organization.
 * I find your lack of neutrality disturbing. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:36, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:13, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * Image:WhillSymbol.jpg, image:Whill.JPG, Image:ETKids.JPG, Image:ETFlying.JPG, and Image:WhillShip.JPG are not correctly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:40, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:40, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Many of the images are incorrectly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:44, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the stealth-detecting, POV-blasting desk of Atarumaster88


 * "were the technically non-existing spies, intelligence agencies and assassination infiltrators of the Rebel Alliance." Unwieldy phrasing per 3.1
 * "In many instances, RAIF operatives have spread blasphemous propaganda, committed assassinations, murderous-induced intimidation or ransom kidnappings." POV, tense.
 * Okay, I fixed all these in Order of Sovereignty, but I'm certainly not doing it again. Pay close attention, please: It's is "it is". "Its" is a possessive form. Correct throughout article.
 * Legacy era is OOU and shouldn't be used in the intro of an IU article.
 * "The precise time of the Alliance's internal rebellion is unknown, and the fact that the organization's formation records were destroyed prevents it from ever truly being discovered." This has tense issues and "the ultimate blah is unknown" problem.
 * ". Although saw in distaste by a large number of the rest of Alliance High Command," Unclear verbage.
 * Same italics and quote issues as Order of Sovereignty.
 * This how you should write this: Project Phoenix 71. Exactly like that. Please do so.
 * "It is unknown how long the collaboration went on" More of the "it is ultimately unknown" problem.
 * Cut the quotes for facetiousness please. That should be a last resort; there are far more professional ways to handle this. Rule 3.1
 * Rebellion and Imperial should both be capitalized.
 * "Reclining their invitation resulted in execution. " Is that supposed to be declining? Otherwise, it's rather humourous.
 * "The Empire's anti-alien stance which gave the Rebel Alliance an advantage in the Galactic Civil War proved fruitful for RAIF as well." This doesn't fit where it is in context.
 * Tense issues in recruitment.
 * "The successful completion these, also mended with the way the victory conditions were met" Reword, or missing a word.
 * "moving through havened researched sectors." Havened is not a word.
 * "although they were densely modified for superior performance and effectiveness." Densely modified makes no sense.
 * starcruiser is not a word IU.
 * Decide between Supreme Council division and Supreme Council Division systematically. Goes for other terms as well.
 * Tense issues, organizational divisions, 2nd para.
 * "The Supreme council division why highly organized and secretive, and"
 * "the four divisions were often "friendly" rivalries between the divisions." Uhhh?
 * "using ill-thoughtout plans" thoughtout is not a word.
 * "Anything from the M3-A Scyk-Class starfighter to the StarViper-class attack platform." Fragment.
 * Tense issues; Syin Subdivision, Para 2, 3.
 * Tense issues, Straffen Corps, Para 2, 3.
 * "We more according to the orders of our superiors." What? Is that intentional?
 * Tense issues, Area of Operation, Para 1.
 * Tense issues, Locations, Para 1.
 * History section fails to detail activities of organization. This is a major concern; proper Mary Sue judgments cannot be made in the light of this missing information.
 * I will found your lack of proper tense to been disturbing. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:44, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Mary Sue.
 * 3) *No sections describing political structure.
 * 4) *Only 18 non-date links.
 * 5) *Purely preference, but the images are not staggered right-left-right etc. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:52, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) **I'll work on this soon. Unit 8311 13:16, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the steel desk of Atarumaster88


 * I refuse to fix twenty instance of it's vs. its. Go look it up and adjust the article accordingly; I've fixed too many of these.
 * "However, not all of 8311's scheme went to plan." Reword.
 * "By now the Steel Legion was immensely powerful, with access to much resources," POV.
 * "then Legion ships purged the area of any valuable components which it sold on the black market." It does not work as an acceptable pronoun here. Reword.
 * "Extensive Legion revenues, from brothels to drug dealerships to illegal seedy nightclubs, were set up all over on planets ignored by the GFFA in the chaos." Wording issues with the opening phrase.
 * "Extensive Legion revenues, from brothels to drug dealerships to illegal seedy nightclubs, were set up all over on planets ignored by the GFFA in the chaos." POV.
 * Italicize all class names. This may necessitate piped linking.
 * ". Equipped with massive firepower, heavy shielding, and a very large complement of fighters, these were very expensive, and were not extensively produced." POV.
 * In the Appearances section, is "Beginning" supposed to be mispelled?
 * "If any individual was immune to the Legion's often irresistible promises" POV.
 * These are generally minor errors and could easily be fixed by the author. Not sure on the MarySueish-ness, though. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Above sorted. And I object to the notion that it's a Sue. A half-Sue, maybe, at best. It has weaknesses, it gets defeated, outmanipulated, and it even collapses for a while. I don't think a real sue would have any of those qualities. But that's just my opinion. Unit 8311 16:42, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:52, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:17, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *The history is massive, but there is little to no supplementary sections - no culture, no methods, no military, nothing that like that which applies.
 * Image:Filose.jpg, Image:Dak.jpg, Image:BattleOfDantooine.jpg, and Image:VaskarDestruction.jpg are not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:59, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the supplement-free desk of Atarumaster88


 * "The Vaskar HQ, a large building just north of the Baran Do Tower was created to house the Vaskar and also substituting as a prison." Spell out HQ and fix that last clause please.
 * "The group would exist prominently" POV.
 * If you are referring to the canonical species, the correct spelling is Kel Dor, not Kel'Dor. If you aren't referring to the canonical species, this isn't an issue.
 * "He sold spice and held illegal gambling sanctions on planet." gambling and sanctions don't make sense in context.
 * "Caught word" You either get word or receive word, or possibly catch wind of something, but not catch word. Choose your idiom please.
 * More detail on the duel between Skyu and Tey please, per Rule 3.3
 * "the order which actually mattered and was known of on Dorin during this time." POV and wording issues.
 * "His actions were admirable and got the Vaskar into the limelight on Dorin and becoming almost as influential as the Baran Do." Run-on/wording issues.
 * "Regrettably, Dorn began receiving too much praise." POV.
 * "The Ithorian Lassavouu and Echani Yunis Sing from Telos. The Selkath Skloth from Manaan. A few humans; Gervase Wood, Brianna Clark and Nick Mar-Shyal from Concord Dawn." Fragments, all of them.
 * "It did not take long as the incredibly high crime rate fell like a rock in water." POV.
 * "However, with all of the different species now in the group, the longed to do more than just protect Dorin. " Missing a word, or just a "y".
 * "A small base was made on Manaan to keep the Sith and Republic forces mediate" tense/typo/something's just wrong.
 * "They were the most praised organization outside of the Republic and the Jedi and were often spotlit in the news as heroes." POV.
 * "However, times were not so great soon as a blow was about to be dealt to the group." This is unclear.
 * "Dak's leadership was going well." POV.
 * Fix "HQ" and POV "greatest" in image captions.
 * "Things had been going great for the Vaskar under Dak. " POV/tone.
 * "However, things got very dangerous, very fast." POV.
 * "Kashyyyk was the first place attacked, though it was really nothing to worry about." Tone, POV.
 * "There were merely a few dozen exchange thugs who had enough of having their business undermined by the Vaskar. " I think it should be "Exchange", but authorial intent does come into play a little bit. Exchange is the canonical spelling.
 * "They failed, miserably," Comma issues, POV.
 * The whole Nar Shaddaa battle paragraph is poorly written.
 * "The Vaskar took preaches above the battle and fired down at the Sith soldiers," What?
 * "The most dreadful of losses were achieved in the midpoint of the battle. " POV!
 * "He did well to not do so, failing to name a replacement for the assistant leader, as well as not making a head of recruitment and expansion." This makes no sense.
 * "and he had become the most hated man." POV.
 * "The forces there were very insignificant after that battle, " Wording, POV. Please, stop using "very" so excessively. It's unprofessional.
 * "though that was terribly wrong." POV.
 * "The people had already been through enough on Dantooine to have to go through another poorly defended crisis. " POV.
 * Section titles need to have proper lowercase formatting. "Return to the limelight", etc.
 * "Loss of Great Leaders" section title is both POV and improperly formatted.
 * "almost as great as the one for Dak." POV.
 * "During this time, there was no extreme violence in the galaxy, just little" Tone.
 * "when the most recent war invaded Kashyyyk with the Sith." This just makes no sense.
 * "Arguably the greatest leader in the history of the Vaskar had fallen in honorable combat, as he would have wanted." Don't argue. Don't use arguably except very sparingly. POV.
 * "He didn't know how to use one, but he would have to get used to it." Tone, just poorly written.
 * "Unfortunately, Vader was also able to escape before the Death Star exploded," That first word is POV.
 * "The Vaskar went down in history as one of the greatest organizations in the history." POV and poor wording.
 * Point blank: The overall prose quality in this article is terrible. Even if all these were fixed, I'd have a hard time voting for this because of how it reads. My suggestion to the author/approved correction experts would be to read it aloud, verbatim, and see how it sounds. Then make appropriate corrections. This is missing all the subsidiary sections anyway. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:59, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the desk of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Only 6 non-date links.
 * 3) *Little to no supplementary sections - not sure which ones would apply.
 * Image:Starweird.jpg not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:02, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the wandering desk of Atarumaster88
 * APPROVED following review and revisions

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:02, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Not so much, no. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Mary Sue.
 * 3) *Only 8 non-date links.
 * 4) *Little negative said in P&T.
 * 5) *Purely preference, but the images are not staggered right-left-right.
 * 6) * Image:Droideka83.jpg, Image:83hk.jpg, image:Garpple831.jpg, and image:B2831.jpg are not sourced properly, and image:Hkfull.jpg and Image:IT-O.jpg have false sources. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:08, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Sourced all but one of those images. I've tried increasing links and the P&T, but due to the fact that the internet access I've currently got is junk, it'll be difficult. AND HOW DARE YOU CALL MY BRILLIANT AMAZING WONDERFUL ARTICLE A MARY SUE! Just kidding. Yeah, I admit it's a bit on the Sue side, but I wrote it years ago when I didn't even have a clue what a Mary Sue was. I'll work on it soon. Unit 8311 13:15, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the unoriginal desk of Atarumaster88


 * "By now 8311 was perhaps the most influential droid in the galaxy." POV.
 * I'm not fixing the half-dozen uncapitalized instances of "Rebels".
 * "As the galaxy celebrated, however, they were unaware that the worst was yet to come..." POV and un-encyclopediac tone.
 * "Also, thanks to him, illegal copies of Gunray on top and several saucy letters from Tarkin became in wide circulation in the outer rim, frustrating the Imperial censorship boards." Find a different verb than became.
 * "At the height of his upgrading, 8311 was a virtually unstoppable killing machine."
 * FWIW, this is labeled improperly on the FAN review pages. It's undoubtedly a character unless there are more of the mechanical atrocities running around in the mind of the author. Not an objection.
 * Fighting style is chock full of POV.
 * BtS is way too small.
 * The SWF Mary Sue test that I ran on this yielded a 17 "Borderline Mary Sue", but there is some scatter there due to the fact that it wasn't designed for droids. I'd call this a Mary Sue and give it a level of ridiculousness that's even greater than 's . That said, my personal feelings are that this should not be a featured article in its current form. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:08, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Yes, MS;MD. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Yes. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:17, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Review:
 * Image:Logo Comparison.PNG is the only properly sourced image. Please properly source the others as well.
 * 1) *From the Infobox:
 * 2) **Fix the width of the image to 250px
 * 3) **It's "Legacy era", not "Legacy Era"
 * 4) *From the Introduction:
 * 5) **"was popular enough to produce two variation"; I think you meant variations.
 * 6) **"biggest cause for its company's"; You link to Aratech over "it's company" again, which is unnecessary, considering you already linked to it in the first sentence. Also, though, "it's" should not have an apostrophe.
 * 7) **" in the roles of ambusher"; Shouldn't "ambusher" be capitalized?
 * 8) *Under "History":
 * 9) **"was first brought up who began in 52 ABY "; I don't think "who began" should be in there, must've been an error.
 * 10) **"Jayar Keven, currently the owner of Aratech Corporation"; It should be something like "Jayar Keven, the owner of Aratech Corporation at the time,"
 * 11) **"Aratech had spent a large amount of money on advertising. It worked, and the Galactic Alliance took interest." You should combine those two sentences, otherwise it sounds choppy.
 * 12) **"After an initial eighty to test them"; you should work that better, to clarify that it was eighty Inceptors and that they were for testing.
 * 13) **" for the an large jump"; I don't think "an" should be there.
 * 14) **"which had been proven by fire in various minor conflicts and disputes"; proven what? Please clarify that last sentence.
 * 15) **Please split the last paragraph into two or three. It's far too massive.
 * 16) **" although keeping comlink silence."; Past tense, please.
 * 17) **"as they arrived, a curious scene unfolded before them"; remove curious. has Point-of-View.
 * 18) **"More curiously, the Phoenix had gone missing"; again, remove curiously. Unless you add "more curiously for the squadron" or something like that, it's POV.
 * 19) **"and six well-placed torpedoes, the engines were disabled"; I think you meant to put "and with six well-placed..."
 * 20) **"Lieutenant Neptra Urio ordered immediately evasive action"; Immediately should be immediate, methinks.
 * 21) *Under "Design":
 * 22) **"The wings tapered out"; I believe it's "The wings were"
 * 23) **" The engine thrusters are stuck out of the back, while two more nodes hold sensor and stealth equipment."; past tense needed in a couple of places, where you used present tense.
 * 24) **"The seats were form fitting"; Fitted is the word you're looking for, I believe.
 * 25) **"Waste removal was also easy and did the best it could to eliminate any smell." Can you tell us how it removed smells? Fans? Ventilators? Febreze? (kidding about the latter)
 * 26) *Under "Armaments": (Please break this section into two paragraphs)
 * 27) **At first I was reviewing this section sentence-by-sentence, however each sentence has the same problem: Present tense. Please use past tense, replacing "are" with "were" and the like, as well as re-wording if necessary. Also, you could spell out the numbers, such as in "4 Model-IX Recon Droids, 6 Plasma mines", etc.
 * 28) *From Systems section:
 * 29) **Again, needs a lot of fixing with past tense. There are a lot, so I am not going to point out every one.
 * 30) **"Information was also stored on many enemy fighters and other threats that the WraithX could encounter...and even threats the WraithX probably wouldn't encounter. The computer also contains many other useful tools." Remove the ellipsis, and simply put a space. Also, what other useful tools? That's just a way of saying "Other cool stuff I can't think of", so please specify or just remove that last line.
 * 31) *Under "SypderX Stealth Scout" section:
 * 32) **More past tense errors. Please fix.
 * 33) *Under "Behind the scenes"
 * 34) **Remove all second person references (such as "If you didn't realize"). You do not speak to the reader, always use third person POV.
 * 35) **Also, there are first person references (such as "I"). Remove those too, replace them with third person POV. Such as "though I made the WraithX's more on the powerful side than the stealth side."; turn it into "though "Shadowphobia" made the WraithX's more on the powerful side than the stealth side." We don't use first or second person POV because its not encyclopedic and no one will know who "I" is unless they know the author. Regardless of that, it's not encyclopedic and needs to be in third person.
 * 36) **"the Cobrex, obviously came from CobraX" Remove obviously. It's not obvious to all, that's POV, so remove it.
 * 37) **"During a GA nomination, I was told more pictures would help. I had two, but I couldn't find any more pictures of that went with my already existing model, so I changed my picture model." As I said with the 1st person references, fix them, but I bring this sentence out because here is another issue. If a reader isn't familiar with FAs, GAs and voting and the like, he won't know what "GA nomination" is. So please specify that "When the article of WraithX-Beta Interceptor was nominated as a Good Article on Star Wars Fanon..."
 * 38) *Lastly, your categories: "Articles by Shadowphobia | Starfighters | Aratech Products"; please alphabetize them (Aratech Products, Articles by, Starfighters)
 * 39) *--<font color="#9F0500">Victor Dorantes <font color="#0C003F">(discussion) <font color="#0C003F">(contributions) 20:50, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * From the super-heavy, undetectable, and speedy desk of Atarumaster88

'More tense issues in Variants section.
 * "The engine thrusters are stuck out of the back, while two more nodes hold sensor and stealth equipment. " Reword that first bit and fix the tense as well.
 * Tense issues in armament.
 * At the very least, numbers less than twenty should be spelled out for professional quality. (Rule 3.1) My personal preference is <100.
 * "The avionics are top notch as well" POV
 * FWIW, the reason the StealthX was limited to Jedi IU was because any comm transmissions would give away the ship's location. It's fanon, so whatever. ::Tosses canon out window:: If you do care about canon, "Where the StealthX's design was almost exclusively for Jedi, the WraithX's cockpit was made to be comfortable enough for non-Jedi to easily fly the WraithX." that sentence makes no sense.
 * Informal tone: "That's where the Cobrex came in, filling in the gap between high-tech fighters and the cheap, out-of-date fighters. " Some POV in there to boot.
 * History of the variants is lacking in detail.
 * "Mandalorian" is mispelled. I didn't fix it because it was a quote.
 * Images are unsourced. Also, you state that there are no sharp edges on a WraithX&mdash;a look at your infobox picture reveals an angled nose that tapers to a point. This level of inconsistency should not be tolerated.
 * POV in armaments section.
 * Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:21, 3 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * Yes, per above complaints. --<font color="#9F0500">Victor Dorantes <font color="#0C003F">(discussion) <font color="#0C003F">(contributions) 20:50, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  15:34, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:17, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Don't really see anything wrong with this article. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:13, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the saber-wielding desk of Atarumaster88


 * "Overall, Desnium was a devastating and highly efficient lightsaber form when used in combat." Okay, let's not butter ourselves up too much. POV, Rule 3.2
 * "Although Desnium never left a true legacy, its practitioners did so through its use." Weasel words; reword per Rule 3.1 (Intro)
 * "Desnium was not created to be an aggressive form, therefore its attack was not the best, however, it was still considered deadly and resilient." POV, Rule 3.2
 * A minor quibble if you actually care about canon. There's no way a form derived from Ataru would open defensively. You even state this in the BTS, so why do you insist it's derived from Ataru?
 * "The attacks from Desnium would usually vary, of course, though most attacks usually were aimed at the torso and lower" Lower what? Body? Limbs?
 * "Narod often used this form against conventional enemies, those who could not wield the Force against him." Redundant wording and/or POV to refer to non-Force sensitives as "conventional".
 * "With a single lightsaber, Narod would take a step back and then speed of," Possibly missing an "f" here.
 * "Unfortunately for the practitioners, using the one-handed form against Force wielding enemies was not a smart choice, since it was weak and the user was often left open for attack against such enemies." Informal tone and unclear wording. Rule 3.1
 * "That was why the one-handed form was not recommended for lightsaber combat, and instead recommended for conventional enemies." See above.
 * "Narod learned that the other lightsaber form he had begun using was Sokan, a form which was used to play on terrestrial advantages and a stronger defense." I believe the word you are looking for is terrain; terrestrial refers to planetary locations. It is, of course, your choice on the wording, so I won't push this.
 * "Either way, this form of attack was fast and at the same time utilizing one's Force potential to their advantage." Awkward verbage, rule 3.1
 * I find this article overall unimpressive, especially considering . That's not really an objection; I'm still working on how hard I can push 3.3. Regardless, have a Super Terrific Un-frustrating day.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) No. - Solus  (Bird of Prey)  20:13, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:46, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Yes. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:18, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Review:
 * 2) *General:
 * 3) **Does not have twenty internal links.
 * 4) *From Infobox:
 * 5) **Put a comma in the year.
 * 6) **List the known users with asterisks rather than separating them by commas.
 * 7) **For lightsaber design, either describe it or remove the link. Unnecessary.
 * 8) **Capitalize "wave" in "Force Wave", since it's proper.
 * 9) **For Eras, put "Old Republic era" rather than just "Old Republic"
 * 10) **List Similar forms rather than separating them by commas, like with known users.
 * 11) *From Introduction:
 * 12) **"the point of this form is to suprise the enemy greatly"; past tense, please.
 * 13) **"shutting off your dominant lightsaber to break past defenses"; never write in the second person tense. Always third person. This means no "you" "your" or the like.
 * 14) **"The form has a deadly attack"; past tense please
 * 15) **"Jace Kyjar would invent this form as a spark of his own creativity."; instead of "would invent" put "invented".
 * 16) **"He would first attempt it"; put "He first attempted it"
 * 17) **"blown away by a force wave."; capitalize Force Wave
 * 18) **"He would perfect the form "; put "he perfected". You keep using future tense, rather than past tense.
 * 19) ***That's not future tense, Victor. That's past perfect and it is perfectly acceptable in formal encyclopediac writing. All objections of this nature should be struck.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page )
 * 20) *Under "History":
 * 21) **"the power which allows"; past tense, please.
 * 22) **" but none could perfect it no matter how they tried."; put a comma between "it" and "no"
 * 23) **"Nearing the end of his life,"; Near, not nearing.
 * 24) **"Xeno would also go on to master the form, but would never give any others his knowledge, feeling it would be better"; again, you're using future tense, in a couple of places in there. Please fix it.
 * 25) **"if such a dangerous form"; remove dangerous, that is from point of view. Must have NPOV.
 * 26) **"Xeno would end up doing the same thing at the end of his life"; again, future tense.
 * 27) ***Not future tense, see above. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:30, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) **"the teachings of the deadly form"; deadly is point of view
 * 29) **" Now, in the hands of a Sith Lord, the form truely has the opportunity to show off its deadly capabilities."; You use present tense. Please make it past tense. Such as "it had the chance" or whatever.
 * 30) *Under "Description" section:
 * 31) **"rivalling" is not a word. "rival" works perfectly.
 * 32) ***"rivaling" is a word, FWIW. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:30, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) **"eachother" is not a word; separate the words.
 * 34) **"The Tra'cor was a dangerous amphibian beast native to Sorocco and were"; replace "were" with "was" since you are talking about a singular Tra'cor.
 * 35) **" to such a deadly form."; again, POV.
 * 36) **"Jar'Kata knowledge would never"; future tense being used again. Fix please. Also, this part of the article contradicts the rest, since it says the Sith would never get it, although earlier in the History it says that Darth Nyne did get it. Explain this/retcon this/fix this.
 * 37) ***Again, not future tense. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:30, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) *Under "Grip" section:
 * 39) **"applications of Jar'Kata combine the applications of both"; past tense, please.
 * 40) **"the lightsaber is held"; past tense, please.
 * 41) **" the user holds a short lightsaber"; past tense, please.
 * 42) **"The lightsaber is held in the center"; past tense, again.
 * 43) *Under "Stance" section:
 * 44) **"confidence is a large issue"; past tense again, please.
 * 45) **"the practitioner must show their confidence in their stance"; past tense again.
 * 46) **"There are two defined ways "; past tense, again.
 * 47) **"influenced way has the user standing "; past tense, again.
 * 48) **"More past tense errors throughout: "The off-handed lightsaber should be ignited, though does not have to be, with the main handed lightsaber always disignited. Both lightsaber tips should be pointed towards the attacker to make them afraid of an attack."
 * 49) *Under "Striking":
 * 50) **"sole influence is Trakata"; past tense again.
 * 51) **"The user would now be able to cut"; remove future tense please.
 * 52) *Under "Defense" section:
 * 53) **" of this technique is the use "; past tense please.
 * 54) **"because it's only purpose"; no apostrophe between "it" and "s"
 * 55) **" defense is very heavily drawn upon"; past tense, again.
 * 56) *Under "Requirements":
 * 57) **"the user must have an above-average grasp"; past tense please.
 * 58) **"of the force and even higher force potential"; capitalize "Force", since you're talking about "the Force".
 * 59) **Please use past tense in the following (quite a few in there): "They must meditate regularily to clear their mind for the fight that they undoubtedly see ahead. The user must have the ability to concentrate in battle, as a lack of doing so will lead to an onslaught of deadly force powers against them. (next paragraph) The user must also be proficient in using both hands."
 * 60) *Under "Weaknesses" section:
 * 61) **Lots of present tense. Fix this, please.
 * 62) *Under "Lightsaber Design":
 * 63) **Section header has improper grammar. Make "design" lowercase.
 * 64) *The list of Users is not necessary, since it's just a list and we already know throughout the article and infobox who used it.
 * 65) *"Behind the Scenes"
 * 66) **Make "scenes" lowercase.
 * 67) **One fact is like this: "The first recognizable lightsaber form created by Steve Young." Please put "Jar'kata" before this sentence.
 * 68) *Also, please attribute any of the images from devianart to their proper author if you know it.
 * 69) *--<font color="#9F0500">Victor Dorantes <font color="#0C003F">(discussion) <font color="#0C003F">(contributions) 07:45, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * From the overblown desk of Atarumaster88


 * "The form had a deadly attack, coupled with an adequate defense, possibly making it a more deadly form than Juyo or Ataru." POV, Rule 3.2 Saber form articles should never make blanket judgments on the merits of the overall effectiveness of a form without reasoning. Do you think Wikipedia would allow someone to say that karate is more deadly than judo? Heck no. They might say that karate has far more effective striking techniques than judo, but to pass judgment like that is against everything that comprises encyclopedaic content.
 * Pathetic detail on the History section is almost anecdotal instead of flowing. Rule 3.3
 * "Now, in the hands of a Sith Lord, the form truely had the opportunity to show off its deadly capabilities." Shameless self-aggrandizement and I believe truly is misspelled unless it's an Anglo thing.
 * "The applications of Jar'Kata combined the applications of both Jar'Kai and Trakata to create the perfect form." How the %#$Y! did that get through review the first time. POV, must die.
 * "In order to use Jar'Kata, the user must have had an above-average grasp of the Force and even higher Force potential." POV.
 * Capitalize "the Force" in all instances, per Rule 8 and MoS.
 * The Force techniques described in the infobox have no relevance to the prose in the body. Expand this information or cut it.
 * Why is Darth Nyne not listed in the infobox under famous users? For that matter, Sith Order should be placed there as well.
 * I find this lack of neutrality disturbing. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * Yes, per above complaints. --<font color="#9F0500">Victor Dorantes <font color="#0C003F">(discussion) <font color="#0C003F">(contributions) 07:45, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *I was really bad on this one for some reason grammar wise. Anywho, I got most of them done but the links. Should I just link to articles here that I have linked to Wookiee? Dexington 18:43, 23 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) **Well, as I said with E.C.H.O. Visor, I am willing to look past the 20 links, with a good reason. One thing I would argue is that this article isn't character based, so it won't be having a lot of interaction with other articles. As for changing your links from Wookiee to here, remember that only 10 canon links will count.
 * 3) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  15:35, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Yes. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:18, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) This article is just....ugh. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 17:59, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 3) * Image:UssejByeBye.JPG, Image:AnakinPadme.JPG, and Image:PatrickBac2.JPG are not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:18, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Those are fixed. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 20:26, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the prophetic desk of Atarumaster88


 * "Prophecies of The Skywalker were a holy set of writings that foretold the coming of great kings, rulers and other legendary figures throughout the history of the universe." Holy, great, and legendary are all POV and must be exorcised.
 * Appropriate linking should occur in the intro; I believe you have a Yahweh article, as well as 2nd JBO, and JB.
 * I don't like the Academy infobox. You should either make a custom one or use one for writings, because that's what these are. They're not academies.
 * "The Skywalker’s children and the Chief of the Whills knew that they would have to begin on what they were destined to begin. " Unclear wording and uncreative verbage. Rule 3.1
 * "He did, however, manage to disarm her as he fell. Her blade cutting through the thing ledge itself, the evil one tempted him to end it once more." Say again, Mac?
 * "At that moment, he realized that the prophecy was true, though it was not until Ussej Padric Bac III was momentarily taken to Ashlan Four to speak with him did anyone realize that the prophecy had come true." More uncreative verbage.
 * "They were galactically renowned for their brutal discipline and lust for power in their upper ranks, along with the unholy methods they used to attain it." At the bare minimum, unholy is POV.
 * "Patrick was tasked with finding evidence to prove that the two orders were once one and, after doing so, Patrick joined Taylor and Daniels and reunified to become the Jedi Bendu Order." Uh . .. ? There's some rewording needed here.
 * I find the Prophecy of the Last Son section wholly unsatisfactory. There is no explanation as for why the actual text no longer exists, and it goes on and on overmuch on its fulfillment.
 * "Each of the prophets would be remembered for one great thing." POV.
 * "Ussej Padric Bac II helped his father and the galaxy realize what happens when arrogance gets the best of you, " Second person must die.
 * "Laili Jeyna Rendar helped Ussej Padric Bac redeem himself from the dark side of the Force, Kit Corwin Rendar showed the galaxy, and Ussej, the dangers of blind attachment, Ussej Padric Bac II helped his father and the galaxy realize what happens when arrogance gets the best of you, Ussej Padric Bac III helped the galaxy realize what happens when prejudice blinds you, Han Solo helped Luke Skywalker destroy the remaining Death Stars over the skies of Coruscant that led to the redemption of Anakin Skywalker and Taylor Rendar helped pull Patrick Keylan Bac back from the darkness and discover that Elizabeth Covet was the heir to the Skywalker Throne. " That sentence is just a mite long.
 * Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:21, 3 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yes. <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 17:59, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:18, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Only 3 non-date links.
 * Image:ShikkriWriting1.jpg is not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:21, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * This message is from the grammatically correct desk of Atarumaster88


 * APPROVED following review and revisions

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:21, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No; I don't like to nitpick over link numbers. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *None of the images are sourced correctly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:25, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From a spoof of the desk of Atarumaster88


 * "The first episode remained the most viewed for the majority of the airing, until the tenth episode surpassed it gaining over 2,000 views. This was minor compared to some of the major videos uploaded onto YouTube, but was still a major marker in the start of the series as the creators knew they now had fans." Contradiction in the numbers and major/minor needs some variety.
 * "terrorization" is most certainly not a word.
 * Inconsistent tense in Part 2.
 * Consistently de-capitalize Clone Army unless you are referring to it as a proper noun. If so, that distinction should be clearer.
 * "Commlink" should be comlink. Multiple instances of this.
 * Clones should be decapitalized in all instances; it is not and will never be a proper noun unless the name of a ship, book, work of art, etc.
 * Decapitalize Smashball.
 * Song titles should be placed in quotes.
 * I hate trivia sections. That said, I can't find anything prohibiting them.
 * I give this article an Epic Meh. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:21, 3 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:25, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Fixed grammar/spelling problems. If there's anything else with the photos, let me know. --  Tesh  162  21:24, 14 August 2008 (UTC)

=Additional Reviews= The following reviews were added after the above review began for a variety of reasons, including an out-of-date Featured Article list on the featured article page.

Complaints

 * 1) From a strictly FAR review, nothing wrong with this article. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  22:00, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke status?

 * 1) No. Am I done now? - Solus (Bird of Prey)  22:00, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *lol. --<font color="#9F05">Victor <font color="#AA00">(talk) 23:14, 1 July 2008 (UTC)