Forum:Decreton Lords - Third Featured Article Review

Due to the creation of new and stricter Featured Article requirements, it is important that the Decreton Lords once again take the time to issue any complaints they have about the current Featured Articles and decide whether or not an article should remain as a Featured Article or become a Formerly Featured Article. Please be sure to sign everything you say, including complaints and whether or not you wish to revoke Featured Article status so we know exactly who is saying what. Please be sure to repeat complaints, as it is important that all Decreton Lords have their voices heard.

Also, please be aware that while there is no immediate rush to do this, it is important to get this done as soon as possible. However, no one wants any of the Decreton Lords to feel as if they’re pressured into reading dozens of articles immediately. While you can certainly take your time, just be sure to have your reviews done within the next two or three weeks. The articles to review are as follows, separated into the categories they fall into on the Featured Article main page. Also, for anyone reading this, please be aware that only Decreton Lords can participate.

Notice:' As of July 1st, an additional reviews section has been added.

Review Process

 * 1) The Decreton Lords will review each Featured Article up to date at this point extensively, giving tips on organization and spelling/grammar structure, as well as making complaints in compliance with the rules. Things not in the rules, such as "I don't like the color of the infobox" cannot be counted against the article, but things in accordance with all other policies (such as Manual of Style) will be valid.
 * 2) Unlike before, all articles under review will remain under review for the entire time, which is one month, instead of being revoked after being voted against enough times. That way, the writers of these articles have substantial time to address complaints and suggestions.
 * 3) In order to retain Featured Article status, the entirety of the Decreton Lords must agree that the article is fit for FA standards, as goes the same for revoking. If the Decreton Lords are unable to unanimously agree on either view point, then whichever side (Keep or Revoke) has the most by the end of the review will "win" (this is unlikely since Decreton Lords should all be judging by the rules, not by personal opinion)
 * 4) Lastly, once the review is over, each review will be archived in each articles' respective Decreton Lord page (such as DL:Narod Antrell) for archiving and historical purposes.

=Review=

Complaints

 * 1) Okay, I haven't gone through the entire thingy for grammar and spelling, but a quick go-through tells me:
 * 2) * Only 16 links.
 * 3) * Image:Elf2.jpg, Image:Faethor.jpg, Image:Angel4.jpg, Image:Angel3.jpg, Image:Idril.jpg, Image:Michael.jpg, and Image:Angel6.jpg are not properly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  12:54, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * From the holy words of the desk of Atarumaster88


 * Last three sentences of intro, para 1, could be reworded to be clearer
 * Not to nitpick, but your infobox and the statement that only the males have wings appears to be contradictory, since that's clearly a female unless male Rohi wear dresses and have s.
 * "They appeared to be, from all known research, not that far biologically from Humans and several near-Humans." I think the word "species" should be tacked onto the end of that, but I wasn't sure. This occurs later on in that paragraph as well.
 * The rise of Lord Shatan has serious tense issues. Per the MoS, all IU articles should be in the past tense.
 * "As he prepared and planned, he commanded the more talented of his to devise ways of strengthening his army," The more talented of his what?
 * "Timæus was deceived by Lord Shatan, and the war that he led was later called the War of Megiddo, which was the most furious of any of the Rohi was then or since because of its intense use of their innate powers, which caused the destruction of the Taivas moon of Megiddo. " Run-on, rule 3.2
 * "Sometime after the fall of Timæus, it is not revealed just when, a legend concerning the Rohi plays out." Do something with that central clause. It doesn't read in an encylopediac format. A pair of dashes would help, but it could still be better.
 * The new wording of "Some time later, a Rohi legend is set, though its accuracy is not proven." still has tense issues and needs reworded. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:44, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * In the Timaeus's rebellion section, cut the "her fate is unknown" stuff per MoS.
 * "This interest was not in conquering them, they were content with their kingdom as it was, but because they felt guilty for being the race that unleashed Lord Shatan, the Imager, on the universe, and it was evident that other races were just as susceptible as themselves to Lord Shatan's lies." Run-on. That second phrase particularly gums up this sentence the way it's only delineated by commas.
 * "They made an effort to try and fight for the good and right for the Jiréh in the galaxy at large." POV and un-encyclopediac. Rule 3.1, Rule 3.2
 * "Though their participation seemed little, in many of the galaxy's wars, there were Rohi fighting for what the Jiréh deemed right, though some abandoned the Jiréh to fight for themselves." Wait, if the Jireh is the Force, when did it become plural? Please clarify.
 * A more detailed explanation of the False Prophet's "magic" is in order.
 * "Thus, the Archs, with the blessing of the Prophet, set out to enter the 'Outisder' galaxy and destroy the False Prophet for what he had done." Is that supposed to be "Outsider"?
 * "innocent bystanders." is POV.
 * "who was an extremely powerful Human." POV
 * Tense issues in culture and government, per MoS.
 * "There were almost never no more or less than seven Archs at one time. Archs were chosen by the Jiréh through the Prophet for their bravery,"–"never no more"? Reword.
 * Some uncreative wording in describing their psyches that could use variation
 * I'm not sure why all of that info was cut; some of it was useful/valuable. I'll discuss it in IRC, I suppose. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:44, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
 * "Rohi were, strangely, possessing of an innocent spirit, despite their talents as warriors, which makes it difficult for them to settle with other, more 'experienced' races. This innocence, not surprisingly, was lost forever when her or she turned to the dark." These sentences don't belong in the paragraph where they currently are.
 * "whether proven or unproven" weasel words, cut.
 * FWIW, "caducar" doesn't mean "fallen" in Spanish. It's an infinitive . . . the noun is different.
 * I'm not familiar with the play, but the typical spelling is "Lazarus", which is used by the Holy Bible.
 * Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I believe these are now addressed. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  18:03, 5 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yeah, darn it. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  12:54, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Until objections are satisfied. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Affirmative, per the above analysis. I couldn't find anything else wrong with it. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 20:34, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) As before, I'm not about to go through and do grammar and spelling, kay?
 * 2) *Was never a GA.
 * 3) *Only 6 links.
 * 4) *No BtS.
 * Image:Garqi.jpg, Image:LorsananDissent.jpg, Image:Zenith.jpg, Image:Oozzinvonattack.jpg, Image:Circa33000BBY.jpg, and Image:Shiftersoldier.jpg are not sourced correctly.
 * 1) *Okay, this article's history isn't finished, but I don't know whether Species Requirement 2 denounces it or General Requirement 3.4 makes it okay.
 * 2) *No government and/or culture section. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:33, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * From the transmogrifying desk of Atarumaster88


 * "are a race of polymorphic creatures thought to be merely legend." If you specify who thinks them to be legend, it's not POV. Otherwise, it is.
 * "They are an interesting race, both plagued and gifted with their rare physiology that inadvertently can make them an extremely powerful opponent." POV
 * "They were, and may still be, a very artistic race, with reportedly many achievements in music and art in both aesthetic and architectural capacities, credited to their creative minds." POV, tense issues. You can't refer to something as if it still exists; all SWF articles are presumed to be written eons after their topic was written, per MoS.
 * "- a very efficient one by the records -" POV.
 * "The Chiss refused; Lorsanan'sondora was too great an asset to be set free, unless Lorsanan Tetres remained Chiss property." POV in small doses.
 * The "Declaration of Independence" needs the Quote template.
 * "It was a brilliant, if barbarous and cruel tactic of the Shaviantarth: the tactic of fear." POV and prosetry. (Given that "flowery prose" is copyrighted by Wookieepedia. :P )
 * "The Cloak was typically not elaborate, but it was striking; bearing the colors of the banner of Lorsanan'sondora." Another small dose of POV.
 * "Derran Leshir, though well knowledged and well taught in how to rule Lorsanan, was not prepared to try and recover from the War of the Lorsanan Dissent. Derran was, unfortunately, a weak ruler." POV.
 * Please decide between "Royal Guard" and "royal guard". Don't use "Royal guard", though.
 * "Right now they needed someone who could restore the planet to its original glory, for it to shine brighter in the years ahead." Prosetry.
 * 7th para (about Restoration) could do with some rewriting to make it less stilted.
 * "Because he was a common Shapeshifter, he was extremely and disproportionally popular." A small dose of POV here.
 * "She began rebuilding Lorsanan Tetres at a reasonable rate" POV
 * "Zenith ruled well. He was not a politician, but a general, thus his ways were more straightforward and honest." POV.
 * "the Remmeras were a devastating vehicle and soon became famous for ripping right through ships" POV
 * "Remmeras were slightly expensive and, as a result, not extensively used. " POV and clarification needed.
 * "twenty-eight uninhabitable but of value, and seventy-eight barren and worthless planets. They typically took over worlds peacefully, only using force when only extremely needed" POV.
 * Rewrite first paragraph of The Shannet. Multiple errors.
 * "He did not want to destroy the reptilians but instead just teach them Shapeshifter superiority was manifested as he led the charge against them" Tense?
 * "This was to erase from the Khavasskh's mind any hint that the Shapeshifters had won merely by technology, and had they not that technology, would have easily lost. That kind of rebellion was not needed in Lorsonan right then. Zenith IV showed great bravery during that marine battle." POV.
 * "So it happened that Zenith IV's cousin Visarinthal Karinak took the Cloak upon Zenith's tragic death." POV.
 * "Fortunately, it seemed a shame to him to waste all of that work, so he let the two Shannets be completed" POV.
 * Decide between Bullett and Bullett. If it's a class of ships, it's typically italicized.
 * "The strange ships allowed them to stray closer the most massive of the ships, " Missing a word?
 * Quote template needed in The Three Years War.
 * I don't see why "biologist" and "mutant" are given the single quote treatment; they're not Shapeshifti words, are they?
 * "In some later ground battles, the difficult-to-produce symbiots were released in swarms upon the Shapeshifters, rendering them much easier to kill, since only the very strong-willed ones could stand being 'jzarked' without soon falling, writhing to the ground." Unclear antecedent.
 * "However, a slightly ruined plan is better than none at all. " Ugh. Cut this or do something drastic to it.
 * Italicize all ship names (Honor, Fist, etc.)
 * "She died sixty-one years into her reign, three planets discovered during it: Rella, Risa, and Kowak III." Find some better way to transition these clauses.
 * I generally despise contractions such as "she'd" that serve no purpose other than shorten the verbs. That said, I'd prefer the other DLs state their opinions on this matter, since I think that objecting on those ground would be pushing 3.1 a little too far.
 * "The populations were growing, it wasn’t anything serious now, and the war had slowed it down quite a bit." Uh, the war is over, the sentence doesn't flow well, and some prosetry/informal tone/POV.
 * "Though opening up small trade with the ‘Oozzinvon’ was not a bad thing, it actually helped the economy, Shapeshifters had a tendency to hold grudges, and so, the Jiinine Rebellion began." POV
 * "ShaIn operatives discovered the staged act, and though publicized, the Juur’lan’iin denied it." Wording issues, or something.
 * "Lorsanan was now a prosperous empire, able to hold its own against most any foe they would come across. It had developed a rich culture, with philosophy and the arts being one of the high priorities, with patriotism first. However, dark times were approaching the empire." POV and prosetry.
 * Tense issues in physiology.
 * "Because using them was considered a dishonorable act and was severely punished by civil and parental authorities" You might want to clarify this; as it reads, using the pheromones at all is looked down upon. Perhaps you mean to say "inappropriate use" or something.
 * "An interesting facet of Shapeshifter physiology is that they become symbionts with their mate." POV, tense.
 * "The Shapeshifter’s ability to ‘shift’ is undoubtedly why it is so coveted, scientifically. " Tense, POV.
 * Tense issues in Shapeshifting.
 * Missing some subsidiary sections. No BtS at all? This is a major concern. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Aside from the above problems, I'm not sure an article should be an FA if it's reportedly under construction. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 20:39, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yes. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:33, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Affirmative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 20:39, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) As before.
 * 2) *This is written as if the author does not know of the species - as if they are a legend even though the author specifies it is not. There is no history, culture and/or government section, i.e., it does not cover every encyclopedic angle. (GR 3.3)
 * Ouch, did it really come across as that? Ah, well. I have a culture section at the end, and naturally, these dragons have no government. I have no history because I know nothing about evolution, which is what the requirements seem to want. I'll try at it, but don't hope for anything particularly satisfying.--[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 04:04, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I wasn't 100% sure which subsections would apply or not. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  12:09, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *Only 6 non-date links.
 * Actually, I have sixteen. Eight are my fanon links, and the other eight are canon links. I'll get onto the other four.--[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 04:04, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I meant links to SWF articles, I'm sorry I wasn't clear. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  12:09, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) * I don't know if it counts, but typically the Appearances section comes after the BtS.
 * Isn't it your job to know? I never saw it stated anywhere, so I don't think I'm violating anything here.--[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 04:04, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *None of the images are properly sourced. Some cite 'wikipedia' as a source, others give the source but nothing else - no description, nothing.
 * I wrote this before the new rules were intact. I'll get onto it, but seeing as it was so long ago, I may not find it.--[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 04:04, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *This is just preference, but the images are not staggered right-left-right-left etc.
 * Kinda trivial, but I see where you're coming from, as most articles follow this.--[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 04:04, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *The Physical characteristics section isn't nearly detailed enough, does not meet any of the requirements in SR 1.
 * Agreed, should be pretty easy to do.--[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 04:04, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *It also doesn't follow SR rules 2 or 3. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:58, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * You kinda already stated this in the first complaint.--[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 04:04, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the fire-breathing desk of Atarumaster88


 * "and was infamously famous for it natural, yet uncanny, abilities to breath fire." POV "infamously famous" makes no sense, missing a possessive, plural error.
 * "Armed with sharp talons, brutal fangs, and the powerful ability to spew fire, the Vujaara dragon was the dominate predator of Jaratenge." POV, and I think "dominant" is the correct adjective.
 * Present tense in intro.
 * "The tale, though, was a double-edged sword." Makes little sense in context. Rule 3.3
 * Present tense in physical characteristics.
 * "Among the packs of the Vujaara dragons, an alpha male primarily led them. Besides growing considerably larger than females, male Vujaara dragons grew large frontal horns. The longer the horns; the older the dragon. Alpha males also took the lead in hunting." Redundant and doesn't fit in the hunting and diet section.
 * You'll need to fix all the "it's"-->its.
 * "Vujaara dragons would cleverly hunt the Gatu bantha into a shallow souun pit and blast them with much fire." POV.
 * "Due to the fact than souun compounds were explosively flammable," than-->that?
 * "The most distinguishing feature of the Vujaara dragon was their uncanny ability to spew fire. " POV
 * Spell out numbers below twenty at the very least for professionalism.
 * Tense issues in "fire breathing".
 * "When two siblings found an infant Vujaara dragon, they took it along to play with it. Unfortunately, " What kind of siblings? They could be dragon siblings for all we know.
 * ", Ríoga Vujaara dragons spewed pure platinum-white flames with even more special properties. " FWIW, platinum is silvery. Second, POV.
 * tense in Etooso thing section.
 * "Studies show that the Vujaara dragon preference for the mountainous regions were according to the dominate packs." Tense, dominate-->dominant.
 * Tense issues in habitat.
 * Tense issues in Ecological role.
 * Tense issues in influence in legend.
 * Like other works by this author, I find the general prose quality lacking and make the same recommendations as I did above for this article as well-namely, read it aloud and see how it sounds, then reword it accordingly. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *"Infamously famous"? That's repeatedly repetitive, not to mention contrarily contradictory.
 * 2) *"known as one of Jaratenge's greatest tragedies, specifically because it was a true story." Could you change "specifically" to "mostly"? "Specifically" doesn't work as well when talking about legends.
 * 3) *I think almost any two of the paragraphs could be merged together. Having ≈4 sentences per paragraph is a little hard on my eyes.
 * 4) *"were extremely protective of their packs and families. One such occasion happened several hundred years before the Jedi Civil War." I think this would work better if changed to "One demonstration of this characteristic occurred" rather than "One such occasion". The "occasion" phrase doesn't seem to suit the rest of the sentence.
 * 5) *Image staggering would help.
 * 6) *"it was exclusively found only in the mountainous regions" Sounds repetitive. Using either "exclusively" or "only" but not both would help.
 * 7) *The others spotted all the other problems [that] I see. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 22:42, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:57, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Affirmative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 22:42, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * FAR, no G&S.
 * 1) *No BtS.
 * 2) **The BtS has been expanded. --  JM  76  Ask   Archives  [[Image:Sabersmilyjm76.jpg|20px]] 00:27, 14 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) * None of the images are properly sourced - Wookieepedia is not a source! - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:04, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **All images sourced. --  JM  76  Ask   Archives  [[Image:Sabersmilyjm76.jpg|20px]] 00:27, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Okay, I have a detailed review of this article. I’ve already corrected some grammar errors and things of that sort, but there is still quite a bit more for you to work on in regards to requirements and generally just in regards to things in the article with the story and such. Is it bad? No, not by any means. Is the article lacking? Yeah, in some parts. Here’s the review:
 * In the introduction:
 * 1) *The Army of Light was created by Lord Hoth around the time of Darth Bane. Unless you have established previously that you are contradicting this bit of canon, you’re a little too early for the Army of Light.
 * 2) *“Despite this supposed shift in the balance of power in the political spectrum, the dark side was growing...” - growing what? Old? Stale? Strong? Weak? Orange? Lonely? Please specify.
 * 3) *“...several of the formerly weakened Dark Jedi sects had united against the Jedi, adding to their growing number of problems.” - Who is they? The Jedi? The Dark Jedi? The Fruit of the Month Club?
 * In the Prelude:
 * 1) *That mentioning of Bespin is totally random. What does it have to do with this article? From what I can tell, nothing.
 * 2) *There are fanon articles for things like Mid Rim and Wild Space, and other regions like that. Why don’t you link to them instead of Wookieepedia?
 * 3) *In the final paragraph of this section, you say “defeating these creatures” and then in the next sentence you say “defeated most of these creatures”. A different wording could help this.
 * 4) *”If any strike team’s number of Jedi began to thin, the enemy would again gain the advantage” - why?
 * 5) *There seems to be a jump where it lacks information between where it says they did not receive the full message and that they decided to send Vark to the lead the assault. When did they decide to send in forces? How many did they decide to send? Etc.
 * In the Conflict erupts:
 * 1) *By not covering anything about how the Sith intercepted the transmission in the Prelude section, the article appears to be written from a Jedi POV. By writing it as in “and the Jedi found this out when they arrived” or whatever it said, it’s a biased linear narrative-form of article writing.
 * 2) *“Vark knew it meant it was time to fight the Sith” - duh?
 * 3) *“though he didn’t suspect there were other attackers in the system” - why?
 * 4) *“the Sith fleet fell into a defensive formation and prepared for an attack” - it seems to me that if the Sith raced to get there first, the Jedi would have been caught off guard by seeing them. The Sith would have been prepared and they, not the Jedi, would have attacked first. It may not be what you wanted, but it seems to be what common sense dictates.
 * 5) *“the real enemy” - POV
 * 6) *I hate it when the Jedi and the Sith team up. Even though it doesn’t last for very long in this article, the Sith are just too damn crazy and proud to team up with the Jedi and the Jedi are just too arrogant and self-righteous to team up with the Sith. When they team up, it goes against what’s established about them.
 * 7) *”The Jedi quickly caught wind of their plan, however, and they too sent some of their troops to assault the planet” - wait, isn’t it there planet? Why are they attacking it? Shouldn’t they be attacking the Sith to DEFEND the planet?
 * 8) *”each one defeating several starfighters before finally going down” - How? There’s not enough detail about these things to warrant that being realistic.
 * 9) *You mean to tell me that there were more floating orb things than there were Jedi and Sith forces combined? What the hell are these things?
 * 10) *”The enemy proved faster, stronger, and more capable at fighting than their fighters” - Whose fighters? Specify.
 * 11) *”were gunned down by their dark enemies” - POV. Who decides what’s dark?
 * 12) *The last sentence of the second to last paragraph of the “In orbit” section is a run-on sentence.
 * 13) *”As the fleet sizes diminished, both leaders” - of who? More fodder for me in saying that this article is too POV.
 * 14) *”As if they caught on to the plan” - POV. Did they or didn’t they? This is an article, not a narrative.
 * In the Surrounded section:
 * 1) *The first sentence of the first paragraph just doesn’t make sense.
 * 2) *”The leader of this apparent army” - POV. It’s either an army or not an army.
 * 3) *”Perplexed” is too prosey.
 * 4) *”utterly wiped from the face of this Galaxy” - far too prosey.
 * 5) *”The leader then simply sighed” - prosey and unnecessary. Just say “Ertimu then” and go on from there.
 * 6) *”these strange and seemingly extragalactic beings” - POV. Who decides what’s strange? Also, they are either extra-galactic or not extra-galactic. In an article meant to document something as if it’s fact and NPOV, there is no “seemingly”.
 * 7) **Depending on how it's worded, the use of "seemingly" is not automatically ruled out. For example, one could say "Damien Nightblade rushed to attack what he saw as a seemingly female opponent, but his belief was proved incorrect when the other combatant's hood slipped to reveal Arnold Schwarzenegger." And even that is definitely playing it safe. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:48, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * In the Daybreak and nightfall section:
 * 1) *”few Jedi and Sith wanted to continue fighting, and would have routed immediately at dawn if not for their oaths to their respective masters”. Bull. If you’re a Jedi, you stay and defend. You’re willing to sacrifice your life for that. If you’re a Sith, you’re ready to die for more power and conquest is power. Sith especially don’t do things just because their master say so. If enough of them don’t want to do something, then they kill the master and do what they want. That’s the nature of the Sith.
 * 2) *”Surrounded, the Jedi and Sith could not tend to their wounded” - the Jedi would have made an effort.
 * 3) *”Over the course of the day, the Sith and Jedi positions were overrun several times, though they eventually succeeded in regaining their lost ground.” - That’s a huge and almost unrealistic statement, mainly being unrealistic because you have not specified how they did it.
 * 4) *”to fend off the enemy attacks by their lonesome.” - Prosey.
 * 5) *”the Sith caught a momentary breather” - prosey.
 * In the Endless conflict section:
 * 1) *How did the Jedi and Sith seem to have the upper hand only to keep losing it? There is little detail in this and, really, throughout the article.
 * 2) *The first sentence of the second paragraph doesn’t make sense given the last sentence of the first paragraph.
 * 3) *There’s too much “give and take” in this article, referring to the fact that the Jedi/Sith lose their ground, gain it, lose it, gain it, etc. How is this not significantly depleting their forces? If it is, it’s not properly conveyed.
 * In The battle ends:
 * 1) *I hate when parentheses are used in articles. Just include it regularly.
 * 2) *No where was it said that Battle Meditation was used, yet now you’re saying that the Jedi are having a hard time using it.
 * 3) *”few brave souls” - POV
 * 4) *It’s either “thought bomb” or “Thought Bomb”, but it’s not “Thought bomb”. Please make up your mind as to what you’re going to use.
 * 5) *The first sentence of the fourth paragraph doesn’t make sense.
 * 6) *”Though he was receiving heavy wounds, he was killing many Jedi and Sith as they cut him.” - Two things. First, why not just name him General Mary Sue? Second, “cut him”? Is this emo cutcutcut or is this “cut him down”? Please rephrase.
 * 7) *”he prepared to go kamikaze on everyone” - poor wording. It’s too casual.
 * 8) *No offense, but the entire paragraph about one person combining all of those Force powers is just plain unrealistic and, really, kind of stupid. It’s just downright unrealistic.
 * 9) *”dozens and dozens of enemies” - POV
 * 10) *I don’t particularly care for the part about the moons crashing and killing everything either.
 * In the aftermath section:
 * 1) *”While a few lucky Jedi...” - POV
 * 2) *”...managed to escape the blast” - how?
 * 3) *Why did they do a few weeks after returning?
 * 4) *Why did the Republic barricade air traffic and erase the planet from star charts?
 * 5) *”wily Ertimu” - POV
 * 6) *”It was rumored” - by who?
 * In the Legacy section:
 * 1) *”extra-terrestrial” is an Earth term and would be significantly outdated in a galaxy that is used to having every kind of alien lurking around.
 * 2) *Why were the Sith who went to the planet never heard from again?
 * 3) *”Ertimu and his forces would never again enter the galaxy” - that seems likely, considering he’s kind of, you know, dead.
 * 4) *I don’t like the entire last paragraph of the legacy. Although I can see where you’re going with the betrayal thing, it doesn’t work well considering there were already betrayals before then. Xendor, the Dark Jedi that created the Sith, Revan, Malak and others are all examples of this. As for the rest of it, the fact that you used some of your own fanon characters from the Fayne family seems like a cheap tie-in considering they had absolutely nothing to do with this battle.
 * General:
 * 1) *The introduction is only 217 words. The Featured Article requirements state that you must have an introduction of 250 words or more.
 * 2) *Admittedly, I don’t like the main image. It’s not the image itself, but rather the fact that it’s the main image. It really only coveys the devastation of the thought bomb whereas I believe it should show the battle.
 * 3) *You use words like “foe” and “enemy” far too often. In every instance, it’s too POV. I literally began scribbling it out in certain parts when I was going over this. In fact, you barely even use the term “Army of Darkness”. You should be using that instead of the other words, because it makes it bias to the Jedi/Sith POV.
 * 4) *To sum up, this is better than a lot of other battles I’ve read. It’s just nowhere near being completed. You’re lacking key detail and it’s just far too POV for an encyclopedic article. I think this can become much better and I hope to see you working on it. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom) (Record) 03:35, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * The article has been rewritten so it is PoV is more neutral and the prosey parts have been written out (for the most part) and replaced with a more encyclopedic style. The opening should be at least 250 words (haven't checked, though). Sorry I can't go through each individual complaint/fix, b/c I rewrote trying to cover everything, including yours and Ataru's comments. BTW, pertaining to Thought bomb's usage, it has all three on Wookiee (Thought bomb, Thought Bomb, and thought bomb) so I'm unsure about which is correct. I'll easily fix it if I know which one is "correct". --  JM  76  Ask   Archives  [[Image:Sabersmilyjm76.jpg|20px]] 01:18, 5 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Well, I took a look at Darth Bane: Path of Destruction and the preferred canonical spelling is "thought bomb." Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:11, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Fix'd. --  JM  76  Ask   Archives  [[Image:Sabersmilyjm76.jpg|20px]] 02:34, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the blood-spattered desk of Atarumaster88


 * "the killing effects of the final attack." Reword this please. (Intro)
 * "finished excavating their Sith artifacts from the nearby moons. " Little bit of clarification needed here. (intro)
 * Give a few words of context on Ertimu in the prelude.
 * "with this type of variety and size was perfect" Clarify.
 * "Before he could return, however, he and his soldiers would have to destroy any governments already standing, annihilating them so he could easily impose his rule upon his return." Return where? Clarify.
 * "The Jedi now completely surrounded, they contacted Vark’s troops on Abyssion IV for help." Comma splice.
 * Explain briefly what a shadow beserker is. On that and your floating shades, check your capitalization.
 * "though no real discoveries" Clarify this (Legacy)
 * Spell out whatever FE 7 is (BtS).
 * Italicize your book titles. Also, spell out the full title of Jedi vs. Sith. Is that supposed to be the Essential Guide to the Force? Wookieepedia links might also not be remiss.
 * 5 minute fixes, nothing major at all. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:02, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Fix'd. Including the context/added detail. --  JM  76  Ask   Archives  [[Image:Sabersmilyjm76.jpg|20px]] 22:18, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) I have failed to locate any problems the others haven't already. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 22:41, 24 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:03, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:24, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom) (Record) 03:35, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Yes, but mind you, this review occurred before a re-write; I'll have to re-check it.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * No, APPROVED following revisions and reviews. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 13:56, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Affirmative, but it wouldn't be hard to make me change my mind. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 22:41, 24 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Per usual.
 * 2) * No BtS.
 * 3) * Personal preference - Images are not aligned right-left-right etc.
 * 4) * Almost all of the images are improperly sourced, with only a few exceptions. Wookieepedia, Wikipedia, and 'the site where you found the screenshot' are not sources!
 * 5) *W/B R 1: [...] The section should focus mostly on the major aspects of a war and should not deviate into personal stories about characters that would best be saved for the character's articles. However, if parts of those personal stories are important to understanding events in the war or battle, then it is expected that they be included... Hm. That nixes half the article, doesn't it? - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:11, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) None. Can't find better sources than the original ones for the anime pics. Also, according to what you just wrote, the personal stories are relevant to the article, because of what they convey. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 08:11, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Good job with going through and sourcing the anime pics. However, the stories are still really pushing that rule. They're taken straight from char's respective biographies and are set up like short stories, one after another. As well, they are a little prosey. Ah, I'll let some other DLs voice their opinion on it and see if they think it breaks the rule. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  12:47, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Actually the sections in the character's bios are taken directly from this. I wrote this first. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 16:48, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Lol. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:31, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the bewildering desk of Atarumaster88


 * "It would show the besieged members of the Galactic Federation of Free Alliances that resistance was ultimately useless against someone as powerful as the Sith." POV!
 * "rivalries came to an end. Some tragic, like the passion-fueled duel between Ada Karr and Darth Bosszú. Others, brought an end to a necessary evil and strengthened the bonds of friendship, as was the case for Ichi Go and Renton Thur'ston in their duel against Darth Gloed and Darth Divat." POV!
 * Serious prosetry throughout article. This is a major concern, as the tone does not fit that expected of encyclopediac writing. This article will need rewritten entirely.
 * Section headers need to have their capital letters adjusted appropriately.
 * "Unfortunately, a young Fallanassi with delusions of grandeur," POV.
 * Way too much of this is quotes. This is a major concern.
 * Purge all rhetorical questions.
 * Section titles are not encyclopediac in nature.
 * "On a diplomatic mission to Teevan, he had found the woman of his dreams, however, she did not return the feelings. " POV.
 * "Thur'ston and Crailaon clans had met in a climactic battle on the plains of Teevan. " POV
 * "She was taught by the Sith had taken the name Darth Divat, after learning from the holorecording her mother had given her of what must be done to the Thur'stons." Reword, rewrite, do *something* with this please.
 * Far too many images in 2nd half of article.
 * Starting from "To Rid Oneself . . . " the article widely digresses from Almania, as it's on another planet. It gets sort of hard to follow through here, but that last bit needs to be tied in better with the overall battle instead of its current organization. Focus on the topic at hand, please, and slim down the rest to an acceptable Aftermath section. This is a major concern.
 * Barebones BtS needs expanded.
 * Nothing short of a complete rewrite will earn this approval. This is one of the (hopefully) few times I will give out that comment, but this is nothing close to an acceptable battle article. I gave up reading it for content about a third the way through. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2. POV is all over the fricking place. I don't even know where to begin, so I'll just say read what the other people said.
 * The quotes are excessive and don't add anything to the article. They just break the already strained non-POV appearance of the article. Besides that, most of them contain overabundant self-righteousness.
 * A lot of this article delves into information on the personal stories, which are only sort of related to the battle.
 * "a young Fallanassi with delusions of grandeur, contacted Darth Abeonis personally. He told of the agreement made between Nathan and the Almanians.": I'm sorry, but this is just ridiculous. Who is this delusional Fallanassi? What position did he hold? How did he figure out about the agreement in the first place? How did he possess the means to personally contact Abeonis, and why did Abeonis' subordinates permit the Fallanassi to contact him? You'll need to provide a better explanation for the Sith finding a reason to attack.
 * Who is Folapii? The article seems to assume I already know.
 * Why do the Sith always accept their enemy's offer for a mano a mano duel?
 * The force teleportation (I know you call it Ghosting) is a dues ex machina.
 * The sentences which focus on the duels with Ichi, Gloed, and the others lay it on a little too thick in the Department of Emotion Description.
 * Force Heal doesn't just heal stuff lickidy-split. Ok, sometimes it does, but I strongly discourage it being portrayed the same as it is in the JK series.
 * The section "To Rid One's Self of Burdens" has a truckload of information that is completely unrelated to the battle.
 * The Behind the Scenes is too scarce.
 * This last problem I'm going to list kills this article on its own. If this article is the Death Star, then this flaw is its Thermal exhaust port. Sure, it lacks safety rails and anti-fighter guns, but while those problems could conceivably be forgiven, this one blows the thing to freaking kingdom come.
 * When the article talks about the battle, where are the actual military commanders? Where are the tactics and strategies? What formation did the fleets use and when? What were the objectives? Where is the actual battle? I see no battle here. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 20:26, 26 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:11, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Nope. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 08:12, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Affirmative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 20:26, 26 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Per above.
 * 2) *Only 8 non-date links.
 * 3) * The BtS does not include what inspired the article.
 * 4) * Image:Bestineassault.jpg is not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:16, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) **The BtS has been expanded and the image is now sourced. --  JM  76  Ask   Archives  [[Image:Sabersmilyjm76.jpg|20px]] 02:46, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the victimized desk of Atarumaster88
 * APPROVED following review and revisions Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:16, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. I don't care that much about links. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Negative. The links "problem" is of no interest to me either. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 23:16, 31 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Same as before.
 * 2) * Only 10 non-date links.
 * 3) * BtS does not include the article's inspiration or development.
 * 4) *None of the images are properly sourced.
 * 5) *Can you say "Mary Sue"? - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:22, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) **10? I count 14 or so. The only really sourceable image has been sourced. The BTS, IMO, states all that needs to be stated, and whether it's Mary-Suey is opinion. Unit 8311 14:28, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) ***Non-date. Plus, 14 is still below 20. As well, all images can be sourced. For instance, Image:Steel - GDE Battle.jpg is a collage of several images. Where did these images come from? Wookieepedia is not a source - FA requirements dictate that the original sources must be used - the show, the card game, the movie, the comic it was from. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:34, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ****I've increased the links, but there's only one date link, and thats external. Anyway, I can't help with those images. I'll ask Tyler now. Unit 8311 14:48, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) ***Okay. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:58, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * From the contradictory desk of Atarumaster88


 * I'm entirely nonplussed at your comparison of its "epic scale" to the Battle of Coruscant if you're referring to the ROTS one. Thousands of droids took part in that engagement vs. thousands of clone troopers. The paltry ground forces listed couldn't do that much damage without an increase of a couple order of magnitudes. In comparison, the had far more soldiers than the GDE had, and that certainly didn't destroy an entire world.
 * Spell out headquarters. Always.
 * Droideka, Infiltrator, and Super Battle Droid generally should not be capitalized.
 * Class names of ships should be italicized.
 * Your ground forces in the infobox are not accurate; they don't reflect the "sniper divisions", etc. in 8311's possession. You should at least avoid contradicting your own article.
 * "He placed his ships in strategic locations, and specially selected a squadron bombers for a run over the Palace's shield. " Confusing wording, missing a word, capitalization errors.
 * "Everything was going according to plan to Tyler. However, as the GDE fleet exited hyperspace, orbital mines were straight ahead." Rewrite both of these; poor tone.
 * While you're working on italics, make sure all class names are capitalized. "providences" should be Providences, for example.
 * You list that "hundreds of thousands of ships were destroyed every hour", but your respective articles have no proof that either faction had this many ships. Your infobox certainly doesn't.
 * "The battle was chaos. Ships were flying everywhere, capital ships were falling, many infiltrators and droids were dying. Each army could not withstand the amount of fire for very long. The armies were literally destroying each other." Prosetry. Rewrite this.
 * Consistently capitalize Force in reference to the Force, please.
 * ", although due to its abruptness and the fact that the GDE was not yet fully known," This battle cannot "go on for a long time" and be "abrupt."
 * "Then he came with a solution. Tyler's sensors were replaced with that of an unfinished battle droid's. All was well." Poor syntax, prosetry.
 * No context on a "Guardian".
 * The contradiction in this article is staggering, and the general quality of prose leaves much to be desired. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Objections addressed, sir. I'd like to make clear that I acknowledge the contradictory-ness, and I'd like to say that this can be boiled down to the fact that there were two authors making this, one of whom had a lesser eye for detail. Unit 8311 16:42, 20 July 2008 (UTC)

3. These quotes are simply football-to-the-wall ridiculous. One might be able to get away with goofy quotes when shooting for GA status, but this isn't tolerable for a FA.
 * The infobox is a little excessive; you don't need it to say Legion forces, then legion ground forces under that, and then what the actual ground forces are. The fact that it's a battle already implies that it's a battle already implies that there are military forces, so you only need to list the military forces, rather than saying that there's military forces before listing them.
 * This is minor, but the infobox is also easier to read if you use just use numbers as numbers instead of spelling them out (for example, 150 instead of one hundred and fifty troops).
 * The "Behind the scenes" section is not nearly substantial enough. There is also no "Legacy" section.
 * "Both factions took casualties in the battle" - The fact that it's a battle kind of implies that already.
 * "on space and on the ground" - This should be in space. It's much easier to stand on a flat surface than a vacuum, no?
 * "The battle was comparable to the Battle of Coruscant in terms of its epic scale." - With only 74 capital ships? According to canon, the Battle of Coruscant had thousands of battleships per side. That number to me sounds ridiculous (how does a commander command thousands of battleships at once?), but your number is still far too low. As I see it, a truly gigantic battle would have to have approximately a hundred or so [main] capital ships. ~250 should be the upper limit when making a battle.
 * "However, upon learning of Tyler's usage of the Force, 8311 quickly considered Tyler a freak due to this. Viewing Tyler as a disgrace to droids, 8311 quickly declared war on Tyler, wishing to purge him from the galaxy, and communications between the two quickly broke down." - What the hell? 831 is so biased against Force users that he's willing to declare war on a galactic government with hardly a second thought?
 * "realized that he would have to end the conflict quickly to avoid being brought down by the Legion, which had forces and assets galaxy-wide" - Uh... I'll address the problem with this further down.
 * "akin to two chess grandmasters making initial moves with their pawns" - This analogy really isn't necessary.
 * "8311 was much more experienced with the layout of the city, which also gave him an advantage over Tyler's forces" - I guess this took place before visitor maps were invented.
 * "The orbital mines crippled Tyler's fleet above Nar Shaddaa." - ...meaning the battle is over. This poses several questions. How did 831 know where Tyler's fleet would arrive over the planet? Did he just seed the entire freaking system with mines? Wouldn't that pose a bit of a traffic hazard for the millions of passing civilian vessels, not to mention his own fleet? Either way, those mines would have to be insanely powerful to cripple one battleship, let alone the entire fleet. This isn't like in chess, where a pawn can take a suitably unprepared queen. It takes a while for a big ship's shields to be taken down.
 * "whilst this was happening, Tyler led forces in landing craft down to the planet to commence an attack on 8311's palace, using several decoys to distract Legion ground-space guns located on the planet." - Wait a minute, what happened to that mine field? I thought the Separatists would be abandoning ship by now and scrambling for the hills. And what about starfighter support?
 * "a large part of the GDE landing force was demolished due to Legion ion cannons on the surface targeting the landing ships." - How much did those ion cannons cost? Also, wouldn't they be more useful against the capital ships than landing barges?
 * "The Legion vessels were led by one of 8311's favored admirals, who had had experience serving in the Empire." - I'd like to know who this fellow is, where he came from, and what effect he had on the battle. He doesn't even have a name.
 * "Both sides were more or less evenly matched in all respects" - Uhh, except for the fact that Tyler's fleet was supposedly crippled. Ignoring that, it seems to me that the GDE should be getting trounced in this battle in almost all respects, since their capital ships are outnumbered by a three-to-one margin.
 * "In response, Legion ships deployed cloaked shadow mines which severely crippled the GDE's capital ships." - What, again?
 * "cloaked shadow mines" - Is 831 made of money, or do cloaking devices grow on trees?
 * "Both sides began boarding each other's ships and attempted to jam one another's communications, which resulted in interference with equipment all over the planet." - Interference across the planet? Why?
 * "caused critical damage to the Legion flagship, forcing the Legion space commander to transfer his flag." - "Transfer his flag?"
 * "further hindered both sides fighting on the surface." - Why has the surface fighting only been mentioned in one sentence so far?
 * "only to be shocked when the squadron was decimated by fire that came from nowhere." - "Fire that came from nowhere." Well, that makes sense. Moving along.
 * "deployed its specially modified cloaked V-wings, which began to wreck havoc amongst the GDE starfighters, boosting morale for the scattered Legion Z-95 pilots." - Again, where did these cloaking devices come from, and why weren't these V-wings mentioned in the infobox or anywhere else? Were they too stealthy for the authors to remember?
 * "buzz droids deployed by GDE Vultures in strategic locations crippled the squadrons of cloaked V-wings." - So the cloaked V-wings were nice enough to stay in their traffic lanes so the buzz droids wouldn't go to waste? That's the most convenient enemies I've ever heard of.
 * "with both droid and Legion technicians quickly converting various satellites and stations into missile platforms and communications jammers." - These things were built/converted in the middle of a battle? If that's possible, then why didn't the two sides just construct more battleships to replace lost ones during the fighting?
 * "disable many GDE droid starfighters with these comm jammers, giving its V-wings more breathing room." - Wait a tick. I thought the V-wings were crippled.
 * Wouldn't the business about the random pirates/smugglers be more appropriately placed in the Aftermath section, since they didn't have much of an effect on the battle?
 * "causalties were high" - Thanks for reminding me. "Casualties" was spelled wrong, by the way.
 * "Tyler and his personal contingent successfully landed" - What? You didn't even tell us that they launched yet. Weren't the GDE forces having trouble on the ground, anyway?
 * A lot of this battle seems to be a see-saw, with one side destroying a little of the other, thus boosting their morale, and vice versa afterward.
 * "also managed to destroy several Legion vehicle battalions by bringing down debris on them, which managed to even the odds slightly in favor of the GDE." - It's almost as if both of the authors were afraid to give each other more damage than the other.
 * "One notable sortie took place in the Legion's prestigious Imperial Casino, where GDE shock troops entered, surprising guests and attendees at the casino, intending to exploit the casino's strategic location in the city." - ...and this Casino had a strategic location... why?
 * This duel was preposterously anti-climatic for several reasons. First, how could this "duel" possibly last as long as described? Unit 8311 is a huge hulking grapple droid. All he needs to do is get within melee range of Tyler. All he has to do then is crush Tyler like a tomato can, or slash him apart (those claw hands of his could easily chop even a well-armored droid apart with ease). Hell, even a laser hit to the shoulder would take Tyler out of the fight.
 * The two furiously engaged in hand-to-hand combat, with Tyler nimbly dodging 8311's grapples. 8311 suffered damage to his midpoint, severely slowing him down, and Tyler lost an arm, heavily crippling and almost destroying him." - What? 831 is a heavily upgraded droid who, even unmodified, was obscenely dangerous against Jedi, with pincers that could undoubtedly slash a person apart with ease. Darth Tyler is a force-imbued B1 battle droid who not only doesn't have his lightsaber, but isn't even programmed for hand-to-hand combat. He can't fight hand-to-hand. Not only would it be impossible for him to make so much as a dent in 31's armor, but he has no way of surviving a single melee hit from 31. Tyler himself (the author) has previously argued that Tyler "might have" gotten himself better armor over the years, but this is never mentioned in any article. Besides, if Tyler was to get fitted with decent armor, the only way it would be able to withstand a fight with an unmodified grapple droid (forget the tricked-out monster droid in this case) would be to get so much armor that he might as well transfer his mind (so to speak) into another grapple droid. Instead, however, Tyler walks away from this duel with just a missing arm.
 * "However, 8311 punched Tyler in the face" - Punched in the face? By a grapple droid? If that happened to Tyler, he wouldn't even have a face anymore.
 * "Very quickly, both combatants were exhausted and damaged" - Droids can't feel fatigue or tire (unless they're programmed to).
 * ". 8311 would occasionally provide large quantities of funding for Tyler (since the Steel Legion had far more credits than the GDE)" This doesn't make any sense. Tyler commands a Galactic Empire, and 831 leads a criminal syndicate. How could the latter have more money than the former?
 * Every part of this article is a mess in its own way. Firstly, the entire concept isn't thought-out very well. Two droid factions go to war just because one of them doesn't like the Force for some reason?
 * It [the article] doesn't talk about the battle that much; it ignores the matters of what commanders participated in it, for one thing. Both authors of this article don't seem to like having any military commanders other than their main characters (back at the time when this article was made, anyway).
 * Another thing which this article neglects is most of what happened in the battle. Pretty much the only thing it does is cover the gimmicks which the two combatants throw at each other (the V-wings, the mines, et cetera), and the rest is just the same "the two fleets fought each other" paragraphs, recycled with different wording.
 * These stats aren't very descriptive or realistic. Aside from the aforementioned absence of of the V-wings from the infobox, the stats given in it [the infobox] look more like they were added as an afterthought; all it says for fleet numbers is "[t]wenty Trade Federation cruisers" for the GDE, and that's the only capital ships mentioned, save for the flagship, [Modified] Lucrehulk-class freighter Medal. For one thing, saying that they are "Trade Federation cruisers" is pretty vague, but from the images I think I can safely assume that they are Providence-class carrier/destroyers.
 * Meanwhile, the Steel Legion's fleet consists of 18 Keldabe-class battleships and 30 Venator-class Star Destroyers. This makes no sense. The GDE is severely outmatched in capital ship numbers and firepower, yet they somehow managed to land battle droids on the surface?
 * The composition of their forces makes no sense at all. Neither fleets possess any frigates or corvettes at all, and the GDE doesn't even have bombers.
 * The overall course and outcome of the battle makes little sense, partly because it intersects with the problem of the fleet stats. As stated above, the Steel Legion seems to possess an overwhelmingly stronger fleet than the GDE, so why didn't Tyler's fleet get hammered to bits in short order?
 * How could the Legion have a better fleet, anyway? The GDE is a major galactic government encompassing numerous industrial worlds with a sizable standing army and fleet. The Steel Legion is a criminal syndicate. How could Unit 8311 possibly be able to fend off against a reasonably sized fleet from a huge empire? The best he should be able to do is successfully retreat. Look at Black Sun. Black Sun was the most powerful criminal empire in the galaxy at the time of its fall. Prince Xizor had a sizable chunk of his fleet defending his space station above Coruscant, and what happened when the Empire came after him? His forces got splattered across the landscape. The personal fleet of a crime lord cannot possibly expect to survive a prolonged conflict against a well-organized fighting force, so why did 831 even start this battle in the first place?
 * After the duel ends in a tie, they just say "sorry man, let's be friends now", and that's it. There's not even a legitimate reason given. They end the conflict for the hell of it. The same reason they started it.
 * That's all I can think of, at any rate. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 03:16, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:22, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Affirmative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 03:16, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Using my above review, I see nothing wrong here. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:40, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) No. Yay, another no. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:40, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Since I'm just reviewing content rather than mechanics, I see nothing wrong with this from my POV. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom) (Record) 19:21, 16 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Per Brandon. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:43, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * No, pending further review. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom) (Record) 19:21, 16 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:43, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Since I'm just reviewing content rather than mechanics (Vic's covering that), I see absolutely nothing wrong with this. It has all of the necessary requirements. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom) (Record) 19:20, 16 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Per Brandon. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:48, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) No (pending further review). - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 19:20, 16 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:48, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Comments
I don't know if I can comment, but I'd just like to point out that there's a red link in the article. My page iChat What I've done 17:50, 4 May 2008 (UTC)


 * Fixed that. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 14:24, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Per above reviews.
 * 2) * No legacy/aftermath section.
 * That's really only if there is a completed history, so I've removed it. The wording is a little misleading, I know, but history sections don't need to be complete and there can't be an aftermath or legacy section without a completed one. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 15:10, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) * Image:UnknownrebelSithLord.jpg, Image:Yodaghost.jpg, Image:Strikeback.jpg, Image:Ulic-Cay.jpg, and Image:YavinIV.jpg are not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:54, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * All been sourced. Darth Abeonis Sith Council Sith Campaign 16:05, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the divinely blessed and sanctioned desk of Atarumaster88


 * Present tense in intro.
 * "and after a long and intense duel managed to overpower the two Sith Lords and return them to the light. However, even though the Dark Lord—Jasca Ducato," POV
 * "The Council then order Ducato and many of those who had joined" fix the verb or something, please. Not sure what was meant.
 * "It would not be long before the Jedi under Jasca Ducato discovered something they were not wanting to find; the Sith. " Awkward wording and semicolon error.
 * "Unknown the Galactic Alliance, or the Jedi, two long lost Sith Orders had been in recent years, one being the New Sith Order of Darth Krayt, and another, more potent force called the Sith Order of Decreto, which had been in hiding within the Unknown Regions for over 5,000 years." Reword this; awkward wording and a hair of POV.
 * "Darth Abeonis, using pure tactical genius, a knack for negotiation and the natural Sith instinct to betray slowly but surely absorbed the Sith Order of Decreto into his own personal domain," Rewording, or possibly just a missing comma.
 * "By the year 56 ABY, after years of conflict within the Unknown Regions, the entire Sith Empire had been conquered, and come out of the conflict much stronger than before." Tense.
 * "The Jedi, hearing the pleas, planned to investiage the matter but were prevent from doing so by the Chief-of-State Cal Omas." Spelling and tense.
 * "The Sith, who had spent the last two years also building up their fleet, now felt that they had the strength to take on the Galactic Alliance head on." Awkward wording. "Take on . . . head on."
 * "The Alliance fleet was caught completely by surprise at Belkadan, and suffered for it in the form of the death of the Supreme Commander of all Alliance Forces, Admiral Argos, and the destruction of the war factories at Balamak completely destroyed any hope of a successful counter-attack." Reword. "Completely" is overused.
 * "decimating the Alliance's dismal rearguard action" POV.
 * What is a "C&D" network? Clarify.
 * "The losses were terrible and after days of heavy fight the planet fell to the invaders. Korriban was in the rightful hands of the Sith once more." Prosetry and something's wrong with that second clause.
 * "a former Jedi Knight and the first among the Sith Knights, lead an attack force of two hundred Sith Knights, in secret, to Dathomir, with instructions to wipe out each and every single Jedi on the planet. The battle was bloody and fierce, with all one-hundred and ninety Jedi on the planet, including their commanding officer, Jaina Solo. " Missing words at the second one, and tense issues in the first.
 * "Time and again, Nathaniel Kenobi Solo would lead his forces in suicidal attacks against the Sith, always causing immense casualties rates on both sides." Awkward wording at the end.
 * "With Dathomir, a key strategically placed planet, under Sith control," Redundant adjectives.
 * "her fleet had taken up orbit of the planet" Reword.
 * "Which became the first planet to fell the ruthlessness of the Commander of the Home Fleet, Darth Adsec." Something's wrong here, possibly "fell".
 * "and with devastating effectiveness and speed," POV.
 * "But despite this, the Ottiumigon fleet in orbit of Novus Kamino Prime was preventing the invasion from taking place; and so Darth Micail order his fleet to attack Ottiumigos Prime, in order to draw away the Ottiumigon fleet." Wording, tense.
 * "After the unnecessary extermination of a third species during the conflict," POV.
 * " but Te Dral was saved the dishonor of surrendering when Abeonis offered him terms of peace. Te Dral accepted the terms, and the Mando'ade Alliance was allowed to keep its domain, as a dependent state to the Sith." Run-on, and that last phrase needs reworded.
 * "Hero's of enemies" What is that supposed to be? Reword. Also, image crowding in this section.
 * "Deciding that the best option was assassination, Darth Abeonis choose a little known Sith Knight named Darth Wyyrlok for the mission. A proven assassin and a deadly strike" Tense, POV, clarify the "deadly strike" bit.
 * "Wyyrlok arrived on Coruscant, with no knowledge other than the name of his target, Wyyrlok spent the next few days discretely making inquiries as the Cal Omas' location, finally picking up on a lead; an arms dealer from The Works area of Coruscant that Wyyrlok easily "persuaded" finally gave up the information he required." Run-on.
 * "Despite the obvious difference in strength and skill between to two," Wording.
 * "Luke confront the ghost of his father." (Image caption) Reword.
 * "grown to much even for Luke; but to emotionally drain the Sith. Only then would he be able to successfully defeat the Dark Lord." Wording on first. Second sentence is a fragment.
 * "The Dark Lord knew that Skywalker's escape meant, many who did not consider Abeonis worthy of the title of Dark Lord of the Decreton Empire would soon throw in their lot." Possibly a comma error, but as a whole, it needs clarified.
 * "suffering heavy losses several defeats in early 64 ABY. " POV/wording/
 * "The two Jedi soon learned of a series of recent attacks of Galactic Alliance personnel," Wording.
 * "the members of the Sith Order of Decreto would celebrate their conquest, and become the most powerful and influential leaders the galaxy had ever seen." Blatant POV.
 * "in this article was made up of the top of the author head," Reword
 * The infobox does not contain information about the fate of the Galactic Alliance. Nor is the Nebulax Empire ever given any mention at all.
 * The Commanders list is seemingly lacking, according to the article.
 * No Legacy section. This is a major concern and will need to be fleshed out.
 * Factions section will need fleshed out to add Mandalorians, Chiss, etc. This is a major concern.
 * Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:54, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * No, pending Ataru's review. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:27, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Per above reviews.
 * 2) * It has little infobox code thingies hovering above the intro.
 * Fixed that for Dex. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 15:26, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *I don't know if this counts, but the era icon says that it only exists in the Old Republic years. Did it come into being sometime after 25000 BBY, and be destroyed sometime before the Prequel era?
 * From the NPOV desk of Atarumaster88


 * "Though not the best of outcomes, it was still better than having a robot controlled world. " Blatant POV that should be removed.
 * "but it has a history of a very important planet." POV and useless information to boot.
 * No timeline given for that Cohen individual. Rule 3.3.
 * "on the fantastic reign of Cohen." POV.
 * "here began to be talk of a rebellion, the planet against the entire Republic, and it did not seem too crazy to expect that. But Cohen was loyal, but his droids weren't." Poorly-written and/or POV.
 * More context needed on why the people didn't listen to the new leader. Otherwise, the whole "let's elect someone but not listen to him" is silly and lacking per 3.3.
 * No time-line for the pirate thing.
 * "and Katal Segey were on their routine smuggling ring, paying for some and stealing for a lot. Their main concern this time was oil. The prices were uncharacteristically high, considering the lack of need for oil." This isn't clear. Rule 3.3
 * "However, before they could accomplish this goal, they needed more." Needed more what? Sandwiches? Rule 3.3
 * "amazingly large droid army" is amazingly POV. Rule 3.2
 * "Though they did not know that the Republic was about to engage an all out assault on the world, they were lucky enough to be placing all their forces on the planet, able to defend." Please rewrite this sentence. It is fragmented. Rule 3.3
 * Tense issues in flora and fauna. Use past tense consistently please, per MoS.
 * "The return of the Republic was the greatest thing to happen to the world in the grand scheme of things." I hate to belabour the point, but POV.
 * "Though they devastated some regions of the planet with their aerial bombardments, the constructive work that they did to help more than made up for that one small flaw." More of the same.
 * "He was a much more physical leader than Cohen" As opposed to what? An ephemeral leader?
 * "Since droids do not age" Technically not a tense problem, but could be reworded to avoid confusion.
 * "normal droid with a self given title with no apparent reason behind it." This makes no sense, and normal is POV.
 * Crowded images below the infobox. Rule 9.
 * Though I haven't seen Futurama, this is a crossover if half of what the BtS says is true. Therefore, it should be relentlessly BDZed.
 * "Cities expanded, very dull for robots" POV.
 * Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * No, but get those things fixed. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  15:09, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Per above reviews.
 * 2) * Only 4 non-date links.
 * 3) * Image:Legcommandomerc.jpg is incorrectly sourced.
 * 4) * Purely preference, but the images are not staggered right-left-right, etc.
 * 5) **Sourced the image. The actual content images are right-left etc, ignoring the main one, but anyway. I've tried increasing the links, but without filling the article with random nonsense to simply quickly increase the links, it's going to be difficult...Unit 8311 15:27, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Well, in my opinion the first image should count in the staggering, but I'll ignore it. As for the links, the easiest thing to get links is to list what they served, maybe some made-up bands that played there, stuff like that. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  15:41, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Links added. Unit 8311 16:10, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Good job, but there are still only 15 non-date links, there needs to be 20, which shouldn't be hard to get, what other places/things would be in a club like that? What else could you expand on? - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:16, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) **There. Let's hear it for me. Unit 8311 16:30, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) ***Excellent job. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:34, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * From the glittering desk of Atarumaster88


 * "It was unarmed, relying on local jurisdiction for protection." Change jurisdiction; it doesn't fit there.
 * What is "medium shielding"? Clarify.
 * Your image template is broken on the terrorist pic
 * The double quotes on Days of Empire need to be reduced to one.
 * Consistently capitalize Rebel when referring to the faction, just as you would consistently capitalize Roman, Al-Qaeda, or Klingon.
 * The idea that this club doesn't exist on official charts is ludicrous. That's like saying Caesar's in Las Vegas won't appear on Google.
 * If you are going to use the title miid ro'ik, it should be spelled out at all times. It's comparable to calling an Imperial Star Destroyer an Imperial.
 * In general Yuuzhan Vong is preferred over Vong.
 * FWIW, their organic spacesuits are properly termed s. Not an objection.
 * I generally like this article, aside from overly cheesy Yuuzhan Vong battle and the "let's play loud music" deus ex machina. That should really only be used once; a more creative solution would greatly help this article. By and large, well-written and not ridiculous at all. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Thou objections hath been adressed. Unit 8311 13:09, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * In the future, make sure you get everything. I fixed the Vongs for you, but won't be so nice in the future. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:54, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  15:17, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * No, pending G&S review. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:34, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Yes, but could be easily persuaded otherwise.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *No. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:54, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) I see nothing wrong from my POV. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 19:21, 16 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Per Brandon. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  15:24, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * From the orbiting desk of Atarumaster88


 * I object on the general grounds that far too much of this article is not particularly about Kal'Shabbol. It's a history of the Bendu Order on Kal'Shabbol. Cut down Age of Awakening to remove excess fluff, as well as Jedi Bendu departure. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page )
 * I object to your objection. You need to understand that the history of the Jedi Bendu and the Bendu are all intertwined. Removing that information is removing information about the history of Kal’Shabbol and I will not do it. Can I figure out a way to rewrite some of it to put in the same important information in less words? Yes, of course. Can it all be removed though? No. - BR
 * I have no problems with leaving pertinent information on the Bendu Order in there; if it was missing, you'd be getting the opposite objection. As it is, I do think it could do with a little trimming. I was never indicating massive cuts, just snipping. If it's something major, believe me, I will let you know. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page )
 * The parts I recommend some trimming are as follows: 1.5, Para 1. 1.5, Para 2. 1.3, Para 2. 1.3, Para 4. Nothing major, just slimming down these paragraphs. This is based on what I view as the reasonable expectation that the coverage of these topics should not exceed that given on the Bendu Order article. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page )


 * The BtS really needs expansion. I mean, two bullet points for 75 KB of article?
 * There’s not all that much to say, but I can say more. - BR
 * Come, come, Brandon. Don't try and tell me that the creation of this world was that boring. BtS is an essential part of an article and shouldn't be treated as an afterthought, if you ask me. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page )


 * Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:21, 3 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * No, pending further review. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 19:21, 16 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  15:24, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Yes, but could easily be persuaded otherwise. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Per above reviews.
 * 2) *No section on culture and/or government.
 * 3) *Only 9 non-date links.
 * Image:Lorsanan'sondora.jpg, Image:LorsananDissent.jpg, Image:Oozzinvonattack.jpg, Image:Circa33000BBY.jpg, and Image:Kowak V.jpg are not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  15:36, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * From the hard-to-pronounce desk of Atarumaster88


 * "many intriguing creatures, all with very wide gene pools." (Intro) Could we find some better descriptors, please?
 * "This season was typically when the Shapeshifters harvest." Missing some words or something.
 * "Because of this, Shapeshifters normally drank only water. Also because of this no-salt issue, the water of Lorsanan evaporated more quickly than do most bodies of water." Reword the verbs in the second sentence and I would cut the first sentence, given the one that precedes it.
 * "As a celebration, when Lorsanan'sondora was moved back to its original position, and a holiday was set up in commemoration of the event, The Day of the Shannet." Fix the wording in this sentence.
 * "Slowly, morality collapsed and violence and bloodshed became popular sports, and honor was displaced with bloodline." Some POV here.
 * "It is unknown what happened to the Lorsanan Shapeshifters after this." This type of sentence should be removed per MoS.
 * I would like to see a society/culture section, as well as a topography section. Climate section couldn't hurt either. The over-emphasis on history is a letdown when one reaches the end of the article.
 * I like this article up until the planetary hyperdrive part. I hated that in the NJO and I hate it here. At any rate, have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  15:32, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Per above reviews.
 * Image:Tatooine.jpg is not properly sourced.
 * 1) *Purely preference, but the images are not staggered right-left-right etc.
 * 2) *I don't know if it's acceptable to have a section with a /, the instance here is Personality/Traits.
 * 3) None. (I haven't heard it either way on the / being a no-no on the articles, but if I find out it is, I'll change it asap.) [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 08:17, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the overglorified desk of Atarumaster88


 * Short paras and play-by-play in Early life need reworked.
 * "Abigaile experienced many different encounters with smugglers and other less than savory characters over the years, but the one that would hit her the most would come after the devastating Clone Wars. That of the rise of the Galactic Empire. " I appreciate the attempt at drama, but this isn't really working; the Galactic Empire isn't an unsavory character, so the analogy fails.
 * No context at all is given for why she opposes the Empire.
 * No context at all given for her Force-sensitivity. She just is, and she seems to have a cool canon master because the author says so.
 * More play-by-play in Clone Rebellion. Conciseness can be valuable in some scenarios.
 * If you are using Acclamator and Interdictor as names of ship classes, italicize them. I'm not fixing every one of these.
 * There's very little reasoning for anything she does. She just goes places and does amazing things, beating up the bad guys and occasionally getting injured as fan service for her main squeeze to come save her. I'd say Rule 3.3 but that might be pushing the lines of objections.
 * The article overall doesn't flow well. It's not so much an account as a series of anecdotes. This is a major concern, and I think that correcting this would fix the previous one as well.
 * "Her daughter would grow up to be a fine woman" POV
 * "the Kenobi Solos would turn out to be some of the greatest Jedi the Galaxy had to offer." POV
 * P&T is not very comprehensive. Even from this article, I could write a more complete one.
 * Nitpicking, but it should be called "Personality and traits" instead of its current title.
 * I can't say what I did is a truly accurate representation of AJK, considering that authorial intent comes into play, but I ran her through my MarySue killer test and she scored 22, an indication that this character is a Mary Sue. That said, this'll be the first time I break out the MS;MD (Mary Sue; Must Demote) label.
 * No BTS at all.
 * Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh, until that image is sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  15:56, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Nope. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 08:17, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Per above reviews.
 * 2) * Image:Kothlis.jpg is not sourced correctly.
 * 3) * Don't know if "Personality/Traits" for a header is acceptable.
 * 4) *P&T seems kinda short and lacks detail.
 * 5) *Not required, but is lacking a relationships section. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:42, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) None. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 08:21, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the hair-covered desk of Atarumaster88


 * "Tragedy struck when the Fey'lya family tried to bring her back into their clutches, but she was able to escape. Even worse than her treacherous family," POV/prosetry.
 * "Explaining that there were many things that seemed contradictory to him and that time would soon reveal what they should believe in." Reword.
 * No context on Asajj Ventress appearing out of nowhere.
 * My jaw literally fell open when I realized she was five. How do five-year-olds free a scientist from guards? That's patently ridiculous to assume so, unless you're claiming Bothans age faster. How does she pull off building a lightsaber at age 5? HOW?! Unfortunately, we don't have a requirement for some measure of sensibility for FAs, so this isn't an objection.
 * "and were not a part of it at all really" Reword; poor diction/tone.
 * No context on Abigaile's condition.
 * "Unfortunately, though, even the strong will of a six year old could not save her Master from himself." POV/prosetry.
 * "The threat of the Empire would prove to be even worse to the fate of the colony, as Nathan had developed an unhealthy obsession with destroying it." POV
 * Section titles need appropriately capitalized (they should be lowercase, by and large) and some prosetry in the later ones.
 * "was almost doomsday for the Colonies. " Prosetry/poor wording/POV.
 * "The Jedi proved most ineffective in this dispute, as through several legal loopholes Taun We had made " POV/poor wording
 * A little more context on Logh-Urr would be nice.
 * "The three-fifths turned out to be right in the end;" POV.
 * "It is told that Ada spent nearly five days in isolation before she could speak again." Tense/Prosetry.
 * "Nobody was safe, and nobody knew when he or she could be called such, except Ada." Reword.
 * "It was truly a difficult situation." Prosetry.
 * More context on Brashas please.
 * "He met her in midair and they flung the other back." Reword.
 * "Galaxy" should consistently be de-capitalized.
 * "It was due to her tendency to forget where she had placed things. " Tie this in to the surrounding sentences better.
 * "She was also noted for unbelievable Force Illusions, which tricked even the most skilled Masters." POVishness.
 * 2nd para of Talents is lacking in syntax variety.
 * FWIW, canonical Bothan/Human relationships have existed before, but the two species are stated to be genetically incompatible despite "the parts lining up". Whatever that means, I'll let your imagination decide. if memory serves correctly. Not an objection.
 * Barebones BtS needs fleshed out. This is a major concern.
 * This character doesn't seem that Sueish. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:42, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 08:21, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  12:52, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Per above reviews.
 * 2) * Image:Forged Brusini msg.png is incorrectly sourced.
 * 3) **Tis done. --<font color="#9F05">Victor <font color="#AA00">(talk) 21:05, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) * GR 14 says that articles are to have "a substantial, though not overwhelming, table of contents," and though I personally don't disapprove, that ToC is huge. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:48, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) **It's no problem, I'm sure. --<font color="#9F05">Victor <font color="#AA00">(talk) 21:05, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) ***Lol. - Solus (Bird of Prey)
 * From the snazzily-dressed, fedora-wearing, piece-packing desk of Atarumaster88


 * "Androc rose security measures of his estate and made a pact" Unclear verbage.
 * "Because of that, the dog was killed after he retaliated with his new owners." Clarify.
 * "making them out to both the Montra and Valabra families." Clarify.
 * "Androc's plan was falling very well in place." Reword.
 * "Androc was able to persuade the men with words, with promises of a false peace treaty. " Clarify/prosetry.
 * "The fact that Androc had been able to start the Civil War pleased him, once again ensuring himself that he was a master of persuasion." POV.
 * "however Vukso's age put him at a grand disadvantage." Comma error, POV/prosetry.
 * "Allegiance gave their honorable goodbye to Medinko" POV w/ honorable.
 * "Since Sodaw knew that he was not looking well in the public's eye, " Reword please.
 * "one million Republic Credits, with half of the reward in advanced." Decap Credits and fix the ending.
 * Company names should not be italicized.
 * In general, the same is true of locations such as cantinas.
 * "This resulted in open fire," Reword.
 * "goons" Goons is poor wording.
 * "Androc thanked the bounty hunter, the shot him through the mouth." Should that be "then" ?
 * "killed by cut to the neck from a vibroblade." Reword.
 * "At that point, Androc also realized that he "real Androc" had returned." Reword.
 * "Galactic Republic was desperate to have just reason to have a military coup on Onderon." Reword.
 * "Worried that the Republic was too close to Onderon, Androc kept a watchful eye out for potential enemies." Clarify.
 * ", several lowly and unpopular cantinas had proposed making business with Androc." Reword.
 * "eventually winning the interplanetary war." Correct me if I'm wrong, but this was just an intraplanetary war.
 * "moved on to "real life" things, specifically, the life his father lead as a crime lord." Reword.
 * "When a second attempt was made on Androc's life, the vest was destroyed by the Onderonian blaster" Blaster what?
 * "however the bolts also contained statis components." Is that supposed to read "statis"?
 * "Androc also used the infamous Onderonian blaster that had nearly killed him a year prior to the battles" POV.
 * "The ship was very powerful for a yacht, and Androc's modifications made it feared. Zakkeg the Drexl had massive firepower, shielding, but it's most feared component was it's "interference ray"; the ray was used to transmit custom viruses into other ships, which sent the infected ships into chaos." POV, awkward wording, run-on, and "it's" needs fixed.
 * "Dorantes is an ifrequent cosplayer," Eh?
 * Twenty minute fixes. Overall, I think the average sentence syntax could be lengthened, but since that's largely stylistic, I'll let it alone. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh, until that image is sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:48, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  21:07, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) I don't find anything wrong with this article. Didn't expect less from an Inq. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:51, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *I'm confused. Riffs was never an Inq. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the sneering desk of Atarumaster88


 * "He had a plentiful career," Reword.
 * "After his participation in wartime efforts, he was captured by the Rebellion and agreed to work with them in return for peacetime, during when he met his wife and had a son." Reword/clarify.
 * "Yet as esteemed and loved as this man was, he met his downfall after a horrible incident that took the lives of his family members, leading him to self-destruction, regeneration, and revenge on those responsible," Uh, POV, and "rengeneration" doesn't fit there.
 * "Deformed and bloodthirsty, his hunt across the galaxy would end the lives of millions before he lost his in a battle with one of his understudies. Regardless of how he met his end, it was how his beginnings led him on a road of life that gave him Imperial esteem and honor amongst his fellow soldiers and commanders." POV/flowery prose.
 * "Initially, his son seemed harmless, but developed a sense of self-defense against other children that decidedly picked on him." Some POV/prosetry.
 * "When the Republic fell into darkness to become the Galactic Empire, Aurelius heavily considered running for the Imperial Senate to represent his homeworld," POV/prosetry aka "flowery prose".
 * "monstrous weapons that they were." POV/prosetry.
 * "Tempest later thought twice about tempting the evil that was Vader as he could simply snap his windpipe by thinking about it, if he wanted to. Yet Vader was aware that Tempest was one of the best in the Empire and didn't find his objections too offensive. At least Vader had the occasional pleasure of a tortuous Force Choke on a higher-ranking officer without killing them, yet at least." Awkward wording, POV, prosetry.
 * "commandeered it by order of the Empire under chaotic ruin." clarify.
 * "Luckily, he was not at the site" Luckily is POV.
 * "and drew defeat at the hands of the Alliance. " What? Reword.
 * "and the aggressive Yoog of the bunch slit her throat to make things much easier. " Poor wording here.
 * "He could not believe that he had tried to kill himself when there were other things that meant so much to him." The opening phrase of this sentence needs changed-it's the exact same as the previous two, and the whole thing just needs reworded.
 * " I am not of these beings, wasting away like a organic fluid sack in a durasteel bed." Are you missing a word here?
 * "Much as the securities searched the skies for him, " Missing word or something.
 * "as Tempest tasted blood and succumbed to a feeding frenzy." prosetry.
 * "made enough credits to purchase a ship with good range in firepower." POV/poor wording
 * "Cleverly Tempest took nearly random, but strategic turns along small hyperspace routes to avoid contact with the GFFA" POV/wording
 * "There was nothing that could stop Tempest on his rampage of death." Prosetry.
 * "sucking them up like a black hole preying on a star," prosetry.
 * "Vifi Gamut was on board with a madman. " POV/prosetry.
 * Decide between "Tempest Files" and "The Tempest Files".
 * Italicize ship classes.
 * "This may not have been an isolated condition however, as his father Gonn may have also exhibited tendencies to commit self-destruction." Tense.
 * "lived well into his 70s before his life took a turn for the worst. He would not pass until the age of 86 by unnatural means." Reword.
 * As far as I can tell, he passes the Mary Sue test by a couple points. However, overall prose quality in this article is seriously lacking and I recommend a complete rewrite to make it more encyclopediac.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:51, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) None. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  18:04, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * From the battered but persistent desk of Atarumaster88


 * "causing him to be the ridicule of other higher ranking soldiers and workers," Reword this.
 * "Adollu commandeered various members on the ground, while a pilot named Marto Nao-sin commandeered the starfighter defenses. " Commandeered is an unlikely word choice and I can't see a private taking command anyway, if that's what was intended.
 * "After the battle, both Adollu and Nao-sin were thanked for their exceptional victory." POV.
 * "Adollu's victory gained him popularity with women of all species, making him a proud man." I think you what objection I have to this.
 * "Adollu was forced to investigate further." Reword.
 * "which included stocking illegal weapons and making illegal shipments." Clarify.
 * "one of their top, personal bounty hunters." Reword.
 * "and Fuco made sure to be careful the next." Reword.
 * "Though, with the help of Wibl's men, he was able to fight off his enemies without even knowing it." Fragment.
 * "Bern was placed under secure captivity." Reword.
 * "Bern, however, remained strong throughout the entire time of captivity." Prosetry/weasel words.
 * "in order to get rid of it indefinitely." Unclear antecedent.
 * "Montra family assassinate Nao-sin. Just as Adollu rose up in retaliation, Dominic left the room, and Adollu was forced to fight against a bulk of guards and soldiers." Reword.
 * "In those few minutes, Bern realized that his extremely long and hard working investigation" POV.
 * "The often subjected himself to the will of others in order to gain information, which led many to believe he was weak, when in reality his will was very strong and he was difficult to break. " Reword.
 * "At first, his best ship was in the position to lead and inspire others towards victory," Clarify/reword.
 * Overall, not bad. These are minor revisions, but I would like them done before this hits main page if at all possible. Thanks. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  18:04, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Per above reviews.
 * 2) * Only 10 non-date links. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  18:17, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Fixed. A list can be provided if need be to confirm. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 18:56, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * No need. I watch your every move, remember? - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:04, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  18:17, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:05, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Per above reviews.
 * 2) *Mary Sue.
 * 3) *None of the images are properly sourced.
 * 4) *Purely preference, but the images are not staggered right-left-right etc.
 * 5) *The images are poorly spaced - the section in the middle is loaded with images, while near the beginning and all of the end and the supplements are bare. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  18:23, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * From the abused desk of Atarumaster88


 * "he was given cybernetic implants that brought him pain and crippling his fighting abilities." Reword.
 * "and almost killed if not for Strife, a former Republic soldier who refused to serve the Empire." Reword.
 * The tricky part here is the "almost killed if not for Strife". I'm thinking something like "would have been killed if not" or "almost killed except for Strife's efforts" or something else.
 * Redlinks.
 * "parents owned, especially with the nerf and kath hounds." Reword.
 * The last prepositional phrase is the sticky part; the compound objects don't read well as is.
 * "The Black Sun couldn’t refuse the amount of money the Hutts offered them, so they attacked Doluc Prime with great haste." Reword.
 * Consistently refer to Black Sun as "Black Sun" not "The Black Sun".
 * "the youth were dispersed amongst the Black Sun as they saw fit." This should be reworded to read something like "amongst the Black Sun members" or something like that.
 * Fix section title capitalization. I.e. Early Life-->Early life.
 * Final fight, dark times, etc.
 * "which Dustin could hardly refuse." POV/prosetry.
 * "Before they killed Dustin, however, they allowed him to go on one final mission, he and two other Black Sun operatives were to travel to Coruscant and kill the Senator of Alderaan because of his involvement with the dissolution of the Black Sun in the Core Worlds." Run-on.
 * "he tried to track down the Black Sun agents who killed him, to little avail." Read that and see what you think. :-P
 * He's dead, Jim. At least, according to this sentence.
 * You do know that Jedi can sense when people are lying, right?
 * "and inform the Council what how the battle was resolved. " Reword.
 * "the battle's outcome had obviously been cataclysmic." POV.
 * "never got very big," Very unimaginative verbage. Reword.
 * "However, he was too late, Strife had perished." Fragment.
 * "leave the Rebellion, for now anyway. " That last prepositional phrase is non-encyclopediac.
 * Still there.
 * Decide between Rebel and rebel in reference to the Rebel Alliance. The former is preferred.
 * Decide between new republic or New Republic, but certainly not new Republic.
 * "Dustin was relieved of his post and sent back home; his position was being replaced by the Galactic Alliance Guard. Dustin returned home, slightly disappointed that the Galactic Alliance got rid of him without so much as a warning." Redundancy and poor verbage in "got rid"
 * "bolstering its ranks larger than it had ever been." Reword.
 * "They would defeat the Galactic Alliance and secure their place in the Confederation, or they would perish and their usefulness would reach its end." Prosetry.
 * "Coruscant forced him to used cybernetic parts to keep him alive, any prodigal abilities he may have had were now firmly out of his reach." Run-on
 * 3.3 No mention of him ever having a relationship long enough to have kids. Expand this. This is a major concern.
 * Skimpy BTS needs more coverage. This is a major concern.
 * "this attitude made him one of the more troubling Jedi to fight alongside," POV/unclear wording.
 * "Because of death had walked with him throughout his life, he was fearful of it, and was quite unwilling to risk his life, even if it meant dying for one of his closest friends." Prosetry.
 * Syntax and diction could use with some upgrading, but that's more stylistic than not, so again, I won't push it. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Alright, first things first. All images sourced and arranged keeping in mind your preferences . IMO, he's no longer a Mary Sue (at least, not as much as he was, imo). All of the syntactical errors and sentence-based complaints dealt with, realtionship expanded a paragraph or two, prosey and PoV commentary removed, and I gave some "meat" to the BtS. I believe that's everything. >_< --  JM  76  Ask   Archives  [[Image:Sabersmilyjm76.jpg|20px]] 00:15, 14 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  18:23, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  21:15, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * No, APPROVED following revisions and review. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:44, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Per above reviews.
 * Image:Filose.jpg, Image:Vogga.jpg, Image:Refugee.jpg, Image:Dorn.jpg, Image:Dak.jpg, Image:Shana.jpg, Image:Esoomian.jpg, Image:Filose3.jpg, Image:BattleOfDantooine.jpg, and Image:Shana2.jpg are not sourced properly.
 * 1) *P&T, for such a long article, is incredibly short. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  18:35, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 3) *"work towards a life of good doing." Awkward verbage, POV.
 * 4) *"He killed a great number of wrong doers in his life, including a Dark Lord of the Sith, a Mandalore and an evil Kel'Dor named Dorn Atun." Wrongdoer and evil are POV.
 * 5) *"named after a great hero;" Great hero is POV.
 * 6) *"His two parents were not noble of any sort," Clarify. Possibly a simple word change to nobility would work.
 * 7) *"Then one day everything went wrong." POV/prosetry.
 * 8) *"He had to take his revenge, and bite back just the way he had been bitten. " POV/prosetry.
 * 9) *Reword "the very technical belt"
 * 10) *"parts, the like. " Non-encyclopediac.
 * 11) *Play-by-play in Striking back.
 * 12) *"Not only that, it was a bit fun tearing them all to pieces." POV.
 * 13) *"It was much less than luxurious, but he was much used to it by now, living in the small house he did. " This makes no sense with context.
 * 14) *"A Tragic Childhood" is POV.
 * 15) *"It was very large, filled with jewels, treasure, artifacts, anything beautiful you could think of... Strange that he would dress like such a bum when he had all these good things." Completely unacceptable. OOU, POV, non-encyclopediac, you name it.
 * 16) *"Over the years, Achmed taught Filose everything about the business, hacking, slicing, breaking in, breaking out, repairing, stealing, everything you would need to think of." Second person, informal tone.
 * 17) *" which was good and bad, but soon everyone would know that Filose Naj, the top Spy" Decap Spy, and good and bad is POV.
 * 18) *"his teacher, though that was a load." No way. Get rid of this.
 * 19) *"Understandably" POV.
 * 20) *"They were, after all, in the beginning stages of a war between the Jedi " Who is they? Clarify.
 * 21) *" he got the intention that Vogga just wanted him to be killed. " Reword.
 * 22) *Context needed on the Exchange.
 * 23) *"There were families who feared for their lives, huddled together in cold and agony, no money or happiness in any of them. It was then that he realized that no greater good could be served but to eliminate the Exchange from this area and let the refugees live life a little better." POV, prosetry.
 * 24) *"settle the on world troubles" Clarify.
 * 25) *I've stopped here, at The Vaskar. This is a Mary Sue, and a poorly written one at that. Fix the things above and start working on the rest of this, and I'll continue reviewing. Until then, given that the author has been absent from SWF for a month and a half, there's no point in spending the time. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:38, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  18:35, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:38, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen on the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Mary Sue.
 * Image:IchiGo.jpg, Image:IFOYJ.jpg, Image:RentonThur'ston.jpg, Image:Sōs-ukeAizen.jpg, Image:DGAS.jpg, Image:IGSFBG.jpg, Image:CKTS.jpg, Image:DG'sESS.jpg, Image:GVI1.jpg, Image:GSI.jpg, Image:IVMGH.jpg, Image:ISG.jpg, Image:IGATPIT.jpg, Image:OSNKSCF.jpg, Image:OHMMP.jpg, Image:A'sNL.jpg, Image:YCK.jpg, Image:Mistworld .jpg, Image:FOBAT.jpg, Image:IGRN.jpg, Image:Bespin skyscrapers.jpg, and Image:NAOQ.jpg are incorrectly sourced, and Image:Nathan'sholocron.jpg has a false source. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  18:52, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the scratchpad of Atarumaster88
 * 2) *Mary Sue.
 * 3) *BtS is way too small.
 * 4) *Unencyclopediac/Overly Capitalized section headers.
 * 5) *Way too many quotes, particularly in the middle. Rule 3.3
 * 6) *I'm not reading through something like this line by line, sorry. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:32, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  18:52, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:12, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) I don't see anything wrong with this article. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  18:57, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * From the dark and ordered desk of Atarumaster88


 * "joined Jaden's organization under the guise of Dark Jedi." Some sticky wording here; possibly missing a word like "under the guise of being Dark Jedi".
 * "On the way he met Rosh Penin, who would be appointed to Master Katarn alongside Korr by Luke Skywalker later on." More sticky wording.
 * "he investigated the temple, weary of Imperial presence. " Is that supposed to be wary?
 * "Jaden had initially only hated Rosh as anyone would a traitor," Some POVishness here.
 * "Jaden, weary of a power shift, engineered Operation Dark Disease, which was designed to use dark troopers as a" Is this supposed to be wary?
 * Capitalization errors in section headers. The first four are fine.
 * Nope, other way around. ;) The first four were fine. Dark Side-->dark side. Jaden's Last Battle-->Jaden's last battle. I got it for you, but just for future reference. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:11, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * "some Imperial Remnant commanders remembered him as a War Hero " Should War Hero be capitalized? I tend to think not, but authorial intent comes in here.
 * " often killing of all his opponents with little regard." Some sticky wording here-and a little clarification needed at the end.
 * "adept efficiency" could be worded a little better.
 * These could all be fixed in 5 minutes and I applaud your bare minimum of POV issues. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I have addressed the designated errors. Thanks for pointing them out. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 16:47, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  18:57, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes, but could easily be persuaded otherwise.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * No, it's all good. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:11, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * Image:Jonbac.JPG is not properly sourced. Take that, Baccie! - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:05, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Fixed. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 19:14, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Sure it is. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:21, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. Fix da image! - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:02, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:21, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Mary Sue.
 * 3) *Not GA - probably FA'ed before rule was in place.
 * 4) *Only 14 non-date links.
 * 5) *None of the images are properly sourced.
 * 6) *Barely anything negative is said in the P&T. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:17, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) From the scratchpad of Atarumaster88
 * 8) *Tense issues
 * 9) *BtS is a list. I hate listy BtSes, but at any rate, it's too small.
 * 10) *Mary Sue.
 * 11) *Not reading all of this, sorry Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:34, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:17, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:35, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Only 10 non-date links.
 * 3) *Lots of prosey stuff. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:29, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:29, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Mary Sue.
 * 3) *Non-GA - FA'ed before rule was in place.
 * Image:Hooley.jpg and Image:Tatooine.jpg are not properly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:50, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the Scratchpad of Atarumaster88
 * 2) *BtS is way too small.
 * 3) *Mary Sue.
 * 4) *Section headers have capitalization issues.
 * 5) *I'm not going to go line-by-line through something that has serious Mary Sue issues. BTW, there are far too many quotes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:02, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:50, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:12, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Mary Sue.
 * 3) *Not sure if this counts, but the FA era icon is out of order with the norm.
 * 4) *P&T barely says anything negative.
 * 5) *Purely preference, but the images are not staggered right-left-right etc.
 * Image:Mutatos.jpg, Image:AmphistaffClone.jpg, Image:DarthMalakartwork.jpg, Image:DarthKrayt.jpg, Image:Zack.JPG, Image:Unk.jpg, and Image:Eriadu.jpg are not properly sourced, and Image:Nathan'sholocron.jpg and Image:PolisMassans.jpg are falsely sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  21:52, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the scratchpad of Atarumaster88
 * 2) *Screams Mary Sue.
 * 3) *Lists Must Die. At least lists that look like that.
 * 4) *BtS is terribly small.
 * 5) *Un-encylopediac section titles, with capitalization errors.
 * 6) *Sorry, not reading this line-by-line when it needs this much work. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:25, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  21:52, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:15, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Only 18 non-date links.
 * Image:Ithorian.jpg, Image:Ananana.jpg, Image:Teddy.jpg, Image:Baltimn.jpg, and Image:Dexwithmp.jpg are not properly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  00:29, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  00:29, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Mary Sue.
 * 3) * Purely preference, but the images are not staggered right-left-right etc.
 * 4) * None of the images are correctly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  01:04, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ** Now only Image:Revancon.jpg is improperly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  01:04, 23 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) From the insane desk of Atarumaster88
 * 7) *No context on Mardoc.
 * 8) *"the infamy of a dark overlord, the wealth of a thousand kings, and the power of the Sith. " prosetry.
 * 9) *"During his reign, he took the title of Reven, now insane, he was certain he was Revan’s Force ghost come to defeat the Republic." Comma splice.
 * 10) *"Though everything began well and went according to plan" Well is POV.
 * 11) *Need context on Garr and his killer (intro)
 * 12) *If you care about canon, the plural of Korun is Korunnai, not Koruns.
 * 13) *"Somewhat worried by Cester’s reactions to his questions, he told the Council to be wary" Unclear antecedent.
 * 14) *"it was clear that Mardoc was better trained and had more stamina than Simeon" POV/OOU.
 * 15) *"Groaning in unimaginable " unimaginable is POV.
 * 16) *"the dark side could give you. Wealth of kings, the power of the Sith, and the fame of a Senator could be his" Second person, some prosetry.
 * 17) *"Mardoc fought as though his body and soul were filled with it" Prosetry.
 * 18) *Context on Surno needed.
 * 19) *"Now with a decent-sized force" POV.
 * 20) *"powerful military, if it was given the time." POV.
 * 21) *"while he and his best men went" Reword best. It's so unoriginal.
 * 22) *"he and his best Dark Jedi" Ditto.
 * 23) *"Arriving on the planet was easy enough, there weren’t enough Judicial Forces left on the planet to catch them during their descent." Reword the beginning, comma splice.
 * 24) *"fight off the attackers, they decided there was no other option" Unclear antecedent.
 * 25) *"n addition, the Senators gave Palpatine power over the armies and Senate because of their mistake in doing so" Clarify.
 * 26) *P&T before P&A please.
 * 27) *"Simeon was an average lightsaber duelist, but a subpar Force user" POV.
 * 28) *"Though his lightsaber dueling skills were better" POV.
 * 29) *"secure his status as the best lightsaber duelist amongst the Regalak Empire." POV.
 * 30) *"He was vain and inanely greedy, desiring wealth and power above all else." POV.
 * 31) *"Unable to think or lead clearly, Jed Surno made many of his decisions." Unclear antecedent.
 * 32) *"His most brilliant plan was striking Coruscant while using Anaxes as a distraction" POV.
 * 33) *All small fixes. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 22:36, 22 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  01:04, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. :) - Solus (Bird of Prey)  01:23, 23 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * There is a 'major rewrite' template.
 * 3) * Pictures aren't very evenly spaced - there are none in the middle of the article. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  01:22, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **OK, now both of these things are taken care of/irrelevant. Please adjust accordingly. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 18:41, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) From the insufferably cute and innocent-looking desk of Atarumaster88
 * 6) * Not an objection per se, but you might want to ask one of the resident photo gurus to tweak the main image to remove some more of that T-shirt that overlaps with the Jedi robes.
 * 7) **I can do it myself, I just did a lazy/quick job to get a new image up specifically for the review. But since you can't object on quality of images, I'll attend to that in the near future. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 18:09, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) ***Just wanted to bring it to your attention. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:47, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * Introduce his Force-sensitivity earlier in the intro please. Also in Bio. Just because two Jedi have a kid doesn't mean they're Force-sensitive per se . . . regardless of the prevalent attitude in the EU.
 * 10) **Yeah I know, and I fixed in the biography. However, it's introduced in the beginning of the second paragraph of the introduction, and I don't find it fitting to go any earlier. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 18:09, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) * "During his childbirth, there were minor complications regarding his body size in comparison to his mother," Clarify.
 * 12) **Done, my bad. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 18:09, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) * "news of a situation on Dolomar." A little context.
 * 14) **Done. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 18:09, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) * Is it supposed to be "Marshall Law" and not "martial law"?
 * 16) **lol, whoops. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 18:09, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 17) * "severely severed their ability to use the Force" Cute wordplay, but awkward/POVish.
 * 18) **Awww, c'mon... lol. Fixed. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 18:09, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 19) * "He was able to successfully kill the attack stormtroopers," Wording.
 * 20) **Rar. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 18:09, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) * "everything was better for everyone," Reword/informal/POV
 * 22) **Right, fixed. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 18:09, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) * "which was a severe misinterpretation which only led to needless mind-boggling thinking for Roviik" POV.
 * 24) **You're killing me, Larry! &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 18:09, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 25) ***Hate to harp on this, but the "needless thinking" is/was a bit confusing. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:56, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 26) ****My bad, again. I'll fix that up. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 19:30, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) *" he would get completely over it" Informal.
 * 28) **Right, fixed. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 18:09, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 29) * "From the Knights of the Old Republic mod, Drewton used an image of Dorantes to create the texture, to create a resemblance between Dorantes and Roviik." Comma splice.
 * 30) **Bah. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 18:09, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 31) *I applaud your minimum of POV issues and your partial referencing. 5 minutes will fix all of this. This is, however, about the bare minimum I'll accept on length. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:55, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 32) **To comment on that, I am glad you will accept my article's length, but I know there are articles on Wookieepedia like A-3DO that are shorter than this and still FA. Since this is all the information for Roviik available, I see no problem with the "length" since length shouldn't be a factor as long as there is sufficient information. Anyway, all fixed. Have a Fancy Year. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 18:09, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) ***To comment on your comment (-) ), Wookieepedia has a completely different set of rules, something I take into consideration. Over there, we're limited to canon information. Here, the only limitation is imagination, and there is a length requirement in Rule 3.5 of the FAR. That said, I'm happy with about 19-20 KB for an article floor. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 18:56, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 34) ****I understand that, but just because our limit is imagination, so is any professional and licensed Star Wars author. It's just here, it seems we can write "pointless fanon" forever, as if we have no limits. With Roviik for example, that is all I'm going to write about him, at least until after Knighthood is finished, which won't be for a long while. Therefore, I will be limited for information on all my characters, based on references from Knighthood and Star Wars Tales: Narod Antrell, both of which are upcoming and unfinished. For example, Brandon's Annikin Skywalker will be limited, based on the limits from The Chosen One, etc. But anyway, I have nothing to complain about, since this article has passed your requirement. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 19:30, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 35) *****Yes, well they have editors to worry about! And we lack . . . uh, DLs and HPs aren't really . . . okay, well, I'm stumped there. I know Rhea's been thinking along these lines, but I would use a more Wookieepedia-style guideline for something mostly/entirely from fan-fiction. That would be a completely different ball game; that's not to say a 5 KB article entirely from a FF would be FA-worthy IMHO, but there is a distinction.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:47, 26 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  01:22, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:50, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) For the moment. I expect to be changing this opinion relatively soon.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:55, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * No, Approved by the Desk. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:47, 26 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * All but one of the images are incorrectly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  01:33, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  01:33, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  01:38, 23 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Besides the preferential lack of image staggering (right-left-right etc.), I don't see anything wrong with this article. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:22, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:22, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * Image:Morrer-tortured.jpg is not sourced properly.
 * 3) * Purely preference, but the images are not staggered right-left-right. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:25, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh, until the image is sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:25, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Tis done. --<font color="#9F05">Victor <font color="#AA00">(talk) 20:59, 1 July 2008 (UTC)


 * 1) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  21:09, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Only 7 non-date links.
 * 3) *The P&T seems kinda short.
 * 4) *Almost all of the images are incorrectly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:46, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:46, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the desk of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * A red link.
 * 3) * Image:UssejGeneric3.JPG, Image:UssejTakenAbackRendar.JPG, Image:BacWorking.JPG, and Image:UssejDamienLake.jpg are not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:50, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Both errors rectified. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 17:50, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * You forgot to vote, B-Rhea. :p - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:54, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:50, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:54, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * Image:UssejPadricBacII.JPG, Image:UssejMeetsBara.JPG, Image:UssejComfort.JPG, Image:UssejContemplatesFuture.JPG, and Image:BacIICoverBoli.jpg are not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:57, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Images now sourced. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 17:51, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Not in a voting mood? - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:55, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:57, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:55, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) I abstain for now, as the article is currently undergoing a rewrite. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 21:35, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Don't see anything wrong with this article. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:01, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) I just rewrote this so it would be well above and beyond Featured Article status. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 17:51, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the (not) 168 KB long desk of Atarumaster88
 * APPROVED following revisions and review.

Revoke Status?

 * 1) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:01, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 17:51, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * No, the appropriate corrections have been made. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Almost all of the images are incorrectly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:04, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:04, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Only 10 non-date links.
 * Image:Vogga.jpg, Image:GotoYacht.jpg, Image:Filose.jpg, and Image:Kuat57.jpg are not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:09, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) *" Out of all the generals on the unified side" Clarify "unified side"
 * 3) *"resting in the pouch with only his mother's nourishment." Reword.
 * 4) *"Vogga was brought up to be a hateful person" POV.
 * 5) *"None of them knew of his brilliant plan " POV.
 * 6) *"able to vault Vogga's respect into the upper echelon of Hutts on Nal Hutta" Reword.
 * 7) *" He came to the conclusion that the Hutt was murdered and the culprits did not take the treasure under fear of being caught. They clearly did not take his philosophy; you do something bad, you make sure you get as much out as you can." Wording confusion, no context, second person, tense, POV.
 * 8) *"to kill the supposed best bounty hunter on the planet in Mira." Reword.
 * 9) *"would be leant to unstable worlds in need of it." leant is not a word, AFAIK.
 * 10) *"Vogga was finding it hard to comply." Clarify/reword.
 * 11) *"But the good-willed female only wanted Telos to survive. Of course, Vogga agreed. He did not have to give up much, but would gain much more." Reword "good-willed"
 * 12) *"Of course, Vogga agreed. He did not have to give up much, but would gain much more." Informal tone.
 * 13) *"the little girl's " The Exile is not a little girl. Reword.
 * 14) *"The man threatened a mouthful and immediately retreated into thin air." Reword.
 * 15) *"warehouse and deadly spikes" Deadly is POV.
 * 16) *"Vogga was able to turn off the sensors if a wanted visitor was coming." Reword.
 * 17) *"Vogga had become to premier crime lord" Reword.
 * 18) *BtS is lacking. This is a major concern.
 * 19) *Stopped at Filose Naj because the author hasn't been here in awhile. Fix these and I'll continue the review. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:29, 22 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:09, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:29, 22 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * Image:Rem7.jpg is not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:12, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. Source it! - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:12, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:56, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments/mindless banter
Fixed the image, though that was your image. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 17:55, 1 July 2008 (UTC) "You don't have to ask to use one of my images" - I win. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 18:00, 1 July 2008 (UTC) 1) You had told me long before then that I could use images from your gallery here, and 2) although it was at my own will, it was before we had a very serious image policy. Besides, by shifting the blame to the fact that the original image was not sourced, you are stating that you willfully uploaded an image without a proper source. Checkmate to you! - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 20:12, 1 July 2008 (UTC) You had the double standard first by saying it wasn't okay for me to use one without a source! - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 20:28, 1 July 2008 (UTC) Well....I...you....I lose! - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 21:17, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Not my fault - I didn't offer you the image. Your prerogative, your payment. - Solus  (Bird of Prey)  17:56, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) That was after you used the image for Xendor, and 2) You still chose of your own will, fully capable of the knowledge that it was not sourced. Besides, the original image - the one I edited to get it - was yours. Checkmate. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:50, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * You say it's okay for you to use images without sources before the image policy, but I can't? Double standard, Baccie. That's called cheating. Your rook can't move diagonal. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:27, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I didn't put it in an article. You did. I didn't nom said article for FA. You did. My non-existent article isn't up for review. Yours is. Life's tough. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  21:05, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Sweet. I will mark this on my calendar. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  21:19, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Mary Sue.
 * 3) *A little prosey.
 * 4) *Purely preference, but images are not staggered right-left-right etc.
 * 5) *Almost none of the images are correctly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:15, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:15, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Prosey? Lol. That could be a pain to fix (rewriting whole article :D). I'll see what I can do... --  JM  76  Ask   Archives  [[Image:Sabersmilyjm76.jpg|20px]] 23:30, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Lol, I had to make it up because 'flowery prose' is copyrighted by Wookieepedia. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  23:53, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Meh. Fine, you can have your prosey. Regardless, I'll try to make it more encyclopedic when I have the time (it is quite large after all ;D ) --  JM  76  Ask   Archives  [[Image:Sabersmilyjm76.jpg|20px]] 00:13, 2 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) I don't see anything wrong with this article. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:21, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) From the mysterious and convoluted desk of Atarumaster88
 * APPROVED following revisions and review. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:21, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * No, the appropriate corrections have been made. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) With the necessary corrections from Ataru fixed, and the recent addition of a lengthy Behind the scenes section, I think that this is up to FA standards. While I think there are some things I still want to do on this article, I do believe it is up to standards. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 16:55, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * Image:CardenMannuxMain.jpg, Image:PlagueisDante.JPG, and Image:KaneMain.JPG are not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:28, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Fixed. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 17:58, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the dark and guarded desk of Atarumaster88


 * Fix the Dark Sides, please, Brandon.
 * "They prepared to unleash their fury on the unsuspecting innocents of the galaxy" POV. (intro)
 * "In his fortress, two major and mysterious chambers stood out." Reword this, per 3.1 and 3.2
 * "It was a fairly convoluted process and Ragnos needed someplace special to work on it, hence why he built a fortress in the middle of nowhere." More rewording needed.
 * "It was a long, drawn out ritual and a great deal of Sith magic was involved. In the end, even he did not know what would happen during the ritual. All he knew was how it would end." This seems a bit flowery.
 * Perhaps I'm not catching it that quickly, but in space do the Sith Battle Lords have to do with the Dark Guardians? I'm six paragraphs down and not seeing the connection. Your intro also does not state this connection. Condense please&mdash;this is a major concern. EDIT: I've been reading further and their first official creation is in the 26th paragraph. This is not a good thing, especially when so much of it could be summarized into three or four. Alternately, tweaking the intro would fix this.
 * "Shortly thereafter, he made his way through the jungle to an abandoned Mandalorian base where he commandeered an abandoned shuttle to disappear." Final infinitive seems out of place; reword or something.
 * "As Carden was disgusted by what the Sith had become, the information greatly intrigued him." A bit unclear here. Should the first word be "though"?
 * "Much of the information was cryptic, at best, so he had trouble understanding it. However, he devoted all of the time he had to uncovering the mysterious within that manifesto, and that was all he did for nearly a year." Just read it and see how badly this needs reworded. Also, cryptic in this sense is POV.
 * "He immediately made his way there and when he arrived a few hours later he found a great deal of carnage within the Senate, much of it being Rajani’s signature work." More flowery prose/POVishess that requires a Rule 3.2 smacking.
 * Your Rajani Zahra image needs a more specific source.
 * "Dire was amused, to say the least, though after seeing Carden’s immense power he allowed him to become a part of the growing Fourth Sith Empire." Ugh. Rule 3.2; reword please.
 * "When he saw his theories work effectively in his guardsman" Should this be guardsmen? Or should it be "Guardsmen"? I wasn't sure.
 * "However, he did not ask questions, but rather he accepted his instructions and moved ahead with his experiments, where he even gained additional followers who believed in the cause." This makes no sense to me.
 * "This wasted a great deal of time on the part of the Dark Lord, as it took years to train a new apprentice. " POV.
 * "returned from a self-imposed exile with a twisted mind and lacking the soul of the man he once was. " unprofessional tone.
 * Capitalize all the Imperial mentions. They are a faction, just as much as British, American, Russian, Rebel, and Klingon troops are given the capitalized adjective.
 * "The Stormtroopers were able to hold Starkiller back, but the boy was able to show extraordinary courage and ability while resisting them." Fix the capitalization and that POV.
 * Ditto with Rebel, per Imperial example.
 * "After asking his men to leave him for a few minutes, he realized that he had been on the wrong side of the war for so long and his reasoning for fighting with the Empire had been based on a lie. Therefore, he struck down his men and escaped the planet." POV, informal tone.
 * Italicize Millennium Falcon upon all mentions. This goes for Falcon as well per 3.1
 * "However, there was no strategic advantage to doing so." Seems a little POV to me; maybe not.
 * De-capitalize Light Side on all mentions.
 * "Lettow were taught that if they were to anger their enemy and shortly tempt them with their darker emotions, they would have no chance of turning a soul of merit. The righteous would know that they were safe from such primitive behavior." Rule 3.1, 3.2 informal tone, POV.
 * "There was not a great deal of actual government and politics involved in the Dark Guardians of Lettow, and there were two ways that someone would be able to think of when the word “leader” was used in the context of the Lettow." Run-on and confusing.
 * "They were mostly used as guards and Advanced Shock Troopers if necessary." You would know better than me, but I don't think that should be capitalized.
 * "At that point, they were skilled enough to rival skilled opponents and were taught how to influence minds and have a strong attunement to their environment." So they were skilled, eh? Reword, please.
 * "Sith Military" Check your capitalizations; Imperial military is not a proper noun&mdash;Imperial Army is. This should follow suit unless you have a good reason.
 * Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day.

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:28, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * Image:Whill.JPG, Image:Yahweh.JPG, and Image:KristannaAdena.JPG are not properly sourced.- Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:34, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *Fixed. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 16:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:34, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  21:19, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Only 18 non-date links, using the maximum 'pre-canon' link amount of 10.
 * 3) *Almost none of the images are correctly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:36, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the sovereign desk of Atarumaster88


 * Rampant POV throughout article needs correcting. This is a major concern.
 * Short, choppy paragraphs throughout article need correcting. This is a major concern.
 * "Their reputation was respected, if not feared. Though they, for the most part, kept to themselves and their planet, the power and influence they held was admirable to say the least." POV
 * Decide between Unknown Regions and unknown regions, as well as Outer Rim and outer rim. In both cases, canon uses the capital letters.
 * "During their first year, they met a modest people, other Humans, who housed them. Eventually, all twelve married. Four years later, wild beasts called Vujaaras attacked the village. The attack was unknown for several minutes. During that time, many had already died." Rewrite this entire paragraph. It's anecdotal and has no syntax variety. Rule 3.1
 * ""Dominate Code of the Followers". Do you mean Dominant? Either way works, I suppose.
 * "Still, those chosen where still rich in their Force capabilities." Unclear; rewrite.
 * "Grammar conventions state that Hidden Knight should neither be placed in quotes consistently or italicized. Same goes for Shrine, Crystal, etc.
 * "initiate and advanced ranks were established, and the discovery of more powerful Force powers were underway. Still, the order's most fragile weakness " Rewrite this; it just doesn't read well.
 * "Aros Fayst carried, from the enclave on Dantooine, a very large and special force crystal used by many Jedi Masters. " POV, and the Force is always capitalized.
 * "Jaratenge remained an undiscovered planet by any of the dominate governments." This might need changed to dominant.
 * "With reserves of automatic fuel, she put herself into carbon freezing to make the journey. Leaving her trail of coordinates to hyperspace back, she'd be able to get back in only a few hours. Naturally, the people of Jaratenge, including the Sovereign Order, had no idea they were discovered. Nor would they ever learn of it until approximately 200 years later." Rewrite this entire paragraph. What is automatic fuel? Fragment at the end; last two sentences could be merged.
 * Decide between Senate and senate. The former is preferred.
 * "An order that had the right to rule." Fragment.
 * "The Honored Blade of Vexus was an extremely powerful sword," Really? I bet it slices cheese really fast as well. POV.
 * "This was widely thought to be a renaming for a more accepting name. This was actually to keep suspicion about their former down, so their history would not be narrowed down by outsiders of Jaratenge." Reword, unclear per Rule 3.1, 3.2
 * "Naturally, their history going back nearly 5,000 years, no one knew what they were hiding. " POV, and contradictory with the previous sentence.
 * "Widely called "The Genius of Jaratenge", Sovereign King Aros XXIX was the greatest strategic tactician known in all of the Sovereign Order's and Jaratenge's history. Unlike the other Sovereign Kings, Aros XXIX didn't have the prodigy warrior skills like his ancestors, though his power's potential was still the same. Rather, he displayed ingenious abilities, even when in combat, to overcome his opponents, rather than his using raw power." Rampant POV and Gary Stuishness.
 * "ventually becoming powerful as all the other Kings, Aros XXIX had a remarkable affinity towards strategic combat. Renowned even outside Jaratenge, he was King during the Raid on the Shrine of Vexus. His amazing tactics during the attack entitled him even more fame, and caused the Order of Sovereignty to gain Galactic Fame." Multiple errors; capitalization and POV among them.
 * "was formed and desired more power. The Order of Sovereignty, as it had made clear nearly three thousand years ago, absolutely refused to engage itself in political matters, including treaties. All attempts at a successful negotiation with the Empire ended in failure." Why is this bolded? There are other bolding issues as well throughout the article. Debold these.
 * "The odds were terribly in the Empire's favor, " POV
 * Entire Growth of Power section is filled with rampant POV that must be corrected regarding their spaceships and comparisons. This is a major concern.
 * "This also prevented any fleets from escaping to any part of the galaxy, ensuring that all opposition would be annihilated." This just makes no sense.
 * "It was their "Sovereign Right"." POV and italics/quote errors. Prosetry to boot.
 * "The war that shadowed the Subjection Wars, the Sovereignty Campaign was a violent galactic-level war involving nearly all of the Galaxy to a level not seen since the Yuuzhan Vong War." Prosetry, reword per Rule 3.1 and 3.2
 * Decide between Galaxy and galaxy. The latter is preferred according to MoS.
 * Italics problems in the Sovereignty Campaign section.
 * "massive corruption in the senate". Problems with POV again.
 * "Despite their opposition to many of the views in the Galactic Senate and the fear many had of them, the influence held by the Order of Sovereignty was remarkably substantial—and the Sovereign King's alone was even phenomenal." POV.
 * "All matters, even some of the more insignificant, well all directed to him," Confusing; reword.
 * "Minor Force Manipulations in the Galactic Senate to achieve certain goals were rare, or even unheard of, as the Order's despised the Senate's corruption as it was. All kings in the orders' history were already very intelligent, one was even called insidious." Poor quality prose and POV. Rewrite per 3.1 and 3.2
 * "Making matters worse," POV.
 * "Sovereign King only met by another blade—lby one of the Sovereign King's "Guards". The battle was intervened, thus ended in a stalemate. " Wording and spelling errors.
 * "Within seconds, his was in a heated dual with a Hidden Knight, in which his hands were cut of, and, ultimately, was nearly killed." See above.
 * ". Sharp to an intense degree, and with it's own attune to the Force, the Blade of Vexus was the sword used to appoint the next Sovereign King." POV, apostrophe error, and wording error (attune?)
 * Tense errors in Honored Blade.
 * "In other words, this sword was allowed to be used only by firstborn Sovereign Kings, heavily increasing the swords uniqueness. " Prosery and apostrophe error.
 * "the Sovereign King would often "meet the people", so-to-speak." Quotes and prosetry.
 * "The Honored Blade of Vexus was carved by Aros Fayst himself, and refined by the other former padawans. The powerful relic has a high sentimental value among the Order of Sovereignty, second to the prized Vexus crystal itself. Only the Sovereign King is allowed to even touch it." Tense, POV, and the sentences just don't fit.
 * "Among the Order of Sovereignty, there were two distinct, one usually annual, ceremonies." Unclear wording.
 * "The Shrine of Vexus was unarguably the most prominent temple within the Sovereign Order, as it housed the High Council of Sovereignty, and more importantly, the Sovereign King himself" I argue that it's POV.
 * "The Coruscanti Temple was secondary importance, as it housed the Vexus Council, who's power was second to the High Council of Sovereignty." POV and apostrophe error.
 * "The Malastare Temple was highly a training institution for Xiás or Paladins." Wha?
 * Per Rule 3.1 all numbers at least below twenty should be spelled out; it is an appropriate convention for formal writing.
 * Very sketchy BTS for 48 KB. Expand. This is a major concern.
 * Upon finishing, I find this article to be a Mary Sue Organization.
 * I find your lack of neutrality disturbing. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:36, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * Image:WhillSymbol.jpg, image:Whill.JPG, Image:ETKids.JPG, Image:ETFlying.JPG, and Image:WhillShip.JPG are not correctly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:40, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:40, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Many of the images are incorrectly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:44, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the stealth-detecting, POV-blasting desk of Atarumaster88


 * "were the technically non-existing spies, intelligence agencies and assassination infiltrators of the Rebel Alliance." Unwieldy phrasing per 3.1
 * "In many instances, RAIF operatives have spread blasphemous propaganda, committed assassinations, murderous-induced intimidation or ransom kidnappings." POV, tense.
 * Okay, I fixed all these in Order of Sovereignty, but I'm certainly not doing it again. Pay close attention, please: It's is "it is". "Its" is a possessive form. Correct throughout article.
 * Legacy era is OOU and shouldn't be used in the intro of an IU article.
 * "The precise time of the Alliance's internal rebellion is unknown, and the fact that the organization's formation records were destroyed prevents it from ever truly being discovered." This has tense issues and "the ultimate blah is unknown" problem.
 * ". Although saw in distaste by a large number of the rest of Alliance High Command," Unclear verbage.
 * Same italics and quote issues as Order of Sovereignty.
 * This how you should write this: Project Phoenix 71. Exactly like that. Please do so.
 * "It is unknown how long the collaboration went on" More of the "it is ultimately unknown" problem.
 * Cut the quotes for facetiousness please. That should be a last resort; there are far more professional ways to handle this. Rule 3.1
 * Rebellion and Imperial should both be capitalized.
 * "Reclining their invitation resulted in execution. " Is that supposed to be declining? Otherwise, it's rather humourous.
 * "The Empire's anti-alien stance which gave the Rebel Alliance an advantage in the Galactic Civil War proved fruitful for RAIF as well." This doesn't fit where it is in context.
 * Tense issues in recruitment.
 * "The successful completion these, also mended with the way the victory conditions were met" Reword, or missing a word.
 * "moving through havened researched sectors." Havened is not a word.
 * "although they were densely modified for superior performance and effectiveness." Densely modified makes no sense.
 * starcruiser is not a word IU.
 * Decide between Supreme Council division and Supreme Council Division systematically. Goes for other terms as well.
 * Tense issues, organizational divisions, 2nd para.
 * "The Supreme council division why highly organized and secretive, and"
 * "the four divisions were often "friendly" rivalries between the divisions." Uhhh?
 * "using ill-thoughtout plans" thoughtout is not a word.
 * "Anything from the M3-A Scyk-Class starfighter to the StarViper-class attack platform." Fragment.
 * Tense issues; Syin Subdivision, Para 2, 3.
 * Tense issues, Straffen Corps, Para 2, 3.
 * "We more according to the orders of our superiors." What? Is that intentional?
 * Tense issues, Area of Operation, Para 1.
 * Tense issues, Locations, Para 1.
 * History section fails to detail activities of organization. This is a major concern; proper Mary Sue judgments cannot be made in the light of this missing information.
 * I will found your lack of proper tense to been disturbing. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:44, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Mary Sue.
 * 3) *No sections describing political structure.
 * 4) *Only 18 non-date links.
 * 5) *Purely preference, but the images are not staggered right-left-right etc. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:52, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) **I'll work on this soon. Unit 8311 13:16, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the steel desk of Atarumaster88


 * I refuse to fix twenty instance of it's vs. its. Go look it up and adjust the article accordingly; I've fixed too many of these.
 * "However, not all of 8311's scheme went to plan." Reword.
 * "By now the Steel Legion was immensely powerful, with access to much resources," POV.
 * "then Legion ships purged the area of any valuable components which it sold on the black market." It does not work as an acceptable pronoun here. Reword.
 * "Extensive Legion revenues, from brothels to drug dealerships to illegal seedy nightclubs, were set up all over on planets ignored by the GFFA in the chaos." Wording issues with the opening phrase.
 * "Extensive Legion revenues, from brothels to drug dealerships to illegal seedy nightclubs, were set up all over on planets ignored by the GFFA in the chaos." POV.
 * Italicize all class names. This may necessitate piped linking.
 * ". Equipped with massive firepower, heavy shielding, and a very large complement of fighters, these were very expensive, and were not extensively produced." POV.
 * In the Appearances section, is "Beginning" supposed to be mispelled?
 * "If any individual was immune to the Legion's often irresistible promises" POV.
 * These are generally minor errors and could easily be fixed by the author. Not sure on the MarySueish-ness, though. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:52, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *The history is massive, but there is little to no supplementary sections - no culture, no methods, no military, nothing that like that which applies.
 * Image:Filose.jpg, Image:Dak.jpg, Image:BattleOfDantooine.jpg, and Image:VaskarDestruction.jpg are not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:59, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the supplement-free desk of Atarumaster88


 * "The Vaskar HQ, a large building just north of the Baran Do Tower was created to house the Vaskar and also substituting as a prison." Spell out HQ and fix that last clause please.
 * "The group would exist prominently" POV.
 * If you are referring to the canonical species, the correct spelling is Kel Dor, not Kel'Dor. If you aren't referring to the canonical species, this isn't an issue.
 * "He sold spice and held illegal gambling sanctions on planet." gambling and sanctions don't make sense in context.
 * "Caught word" You either get word or receive word, or possibly catch wind of something, but not catch word. Choose your idiom please.
 * More detail on the duel between Skyu and Tey please, per Rule 3.3
 * "the order which actually mattered and was known of on Dorin during this time." POV and wording issues.
 * "His actions were admirable and got the Vaskar into the limelight on Dorin and becoming almost as influential as the Baran Do." Run-on/wording issues.
 * "Regrettably, Dorn began receiving too much praise." POV.
 * "The Ithorian Lassavouu and Echani Yunis Sing from Telos. The Selkath Skloth from Manaan. A few humans; Gervase Wood, Brianna Clark and Nick Mar-Shyal from Concord Dawn." Fragments, all of them.
 * "It did not take long as the incredibly high crime rate fell like a rock in water." POV.
 * "However, with all of the different species now in the group, the longed to do more than just protect Dorin. " Missing a word, or just a "y".
 * "A small base was made on Manaan to keep the Sith and Republic forces mediate" tense/typo/something's just wrong.
 * "They were the most praised organization outside of the Republic and the Jedi and were often spotlit in the news as heroes." POV.
 * "However, times were not so great soon as a blow was about to be dealt to the group." This is unclear.
 * "Dak's leadership was going well." POV.
 * Fix "HQ" and POV "greatest" in image captions.
 * "Things had been going great for the Vaskar under Dak. " POV/tone.
 * "However, things got very dangerous, very fast." POV.
 * "Kashyyyk was the first place attacked, though it was really nothing to worry about." Tone, POV.
 * "There were merely a few dozen exchange thugs who had enough of having their business undermined by the Vaskar. " I think it should be "Exchange", but authorial intent does come into play a little bit. Exchange is the canonical spelling.
 * "They failed, miserably," Comma issues, POV.
 * The whole Nar Shaddaa battle paragraph is poorly written.
 * "The Vaskar took preaches above the battle and fired down at the Sith soldiers," What?
 * "The most dreadful of losses were achieved in the midpoint of the battle. " POV!
 * "He did well to not do so, failing to name a replacement for the assistant leader, as well as not making a head of recruitment and expansion." This makes no sense.
 * "and he had become the most hated man." POV.
 * "The forces there were very insignificant after that battle, " Wording, POV. Please, stop using "very" so excessively. It's unprofessional.
 * "though that was terribly wrong." POV.
 * "The people had already been through enough on Dantooine to have to go through another poorly defended crisis. " POV.
 * Section titles need to have proper lowercase formatting. "Return to the limelight", etc.
 * "Loss of Great Leaders" section title is both POV and improperly formatted.
 * "almost as great as the one for Dak." POV.
 * "During this time, there was no extreme violence in the galaxy, just little" Tone.
 * "when the most recent war invaded Kashyyyk with the Sith." This just makes no sense.
 * "Arguably the greatest leader in the history of the Vaskar had fallen in honorable combat, as he would have wanted." Don't argue. Don't use arguably except very sparingly. POV.
 * "He didn't know how to use one, but he would have to get used to it." Tone, just poorly written.
 * "Unfortunately, Vader was also able to escape before the Death Star exploded," That first word is POV.
 * "The Vaskar went down in history as one of the greatest organizations in the history." POV and poor wording.
 * Point blank: The overall prose quality in this article is terrible. Even if all these were fixed, I'd have a hard time voting for this because of how it reads. My suggestion to the author/approved correction experts would be to read it aloud, verbatim, and see how it sounds. Then make appropriate corrections. This is missing all the subsidiary sections anyway. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:59, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the desk of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Only 6 non-date links.
 * 3) *Little to no supplementary sections - not sure which ones would apply.
 * Image:Starweird.jpg not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:02, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the wandering desk of Atarumaster88
 * APPROVED following review and revisions

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:02, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Not so much, no. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Review:
 * 2) * Infobox needs to be fixed, image is too long.
 * 3) *Does not have twenty internal links.
 * 4) *From the introduction:
 * 5) **"stolen imperial and rebellion technology"; Capitalize "Imperial" and "Rebellion" because you're talking about a proper noun here.
 * 6) **You should also spell out "40"
 * 7) **"Rebel Alliance splinter faction called RAIF (Rebel Alliance Intelligence Faction)" You should reverse that; put the full name first and the abbreviation in parenthesis.
 * 8) **"was acquired almost completely by theft, or assassinations"; Remove the comma after theft, it's not necessary
 * 9) **"and even hired some foreign scientist of another manufacturer." That part of the sentence doesn't make much sense. I think you meant to put "some" before "even" and I think "scientist" is supposed to be in plural form, but I'm just guessing. Either way, fix this.
 * 10) *From "Characteristics" section:
 * 11) **"though they have been given"; make it past tense, as in "though they were given to war heroes" or whatever.
 * 12) **"It's secret"; No apostrophe between "It" and "s".
 * 13) **"uncommon for it's costs" Same as above, no apostrophe.
 * 14) **"to escalate to a dangerously high 1,500,000 credits"; Remove dangerously, that has point of view. You must have NPOV. Instead say something like "to escalate to a high of 1,500,000 credits".
 * 15) **"The E.C.H.O. visor had three channels or phases"; You don't need to italicize channels or phases.
 * 16) **"However, these are not all"; Past tense "there were not all".
 * 17) *From "The Three Channels":
 * 18) **"sees through virtually any visual or signal repellent"; past tense, again.
 * 19) **"This channel can detect targets"; past tense, again.
 * 20) **"The target appears"; past tense, again.
 * 21) **"Because the target is revealed through supersonic detection, the user literally sees the sound through vision"; Past tense in a couple of places.
 * 22) **"When in this phase, the visor will glow red"; past tense, again.
 * 23) **"allows the user to phase through solid objects"; past tense, again.
 * 24) **"If the user is looking for a specific target or object"; paste tense, again.
 * 25) **"the object will glow more luminously than normal"; past tense, again.
 * 26) **"the E.C.H.O. visor have a clear, glazed look about, for safety that the user doesn't collide into any obstacles while in this channel."; past tense, again.
 * 27) **"the visor will glow blue."; past tense, again.
 * 28) **"can scan humanoids for identification,"; past tense, again.
 * 29) **"visor signals all data "; past tense, again.
 * 30) **"until some of any sort of information"; I think you can remove "some" from there, it's not necessary, unless you're trying to say something else.
 * 31) **"humanoid is detected"; past tense, again.
 * 32) **"Usually, this channel is used"; past tense again.
 * 33) **"the visor is updated constantly"; past tense again.
 * 34) **"this is the most expensive and complicated addition"; past tense again.
 * 35) **"the visor will glow white."; past tense again.
 * 36) *From "Technology Theft" section:
 * 37) **"formula had taken 12 years to accomplish"; spell out 12.
 * 38) **"hadn't learned to adapt them for military use as of yet"; make it past tense. I get what you're saying, but instead put something like "for military use at the time" or "at that time", or the like.
 * 39) **"black market had an illegal item that hacks into all "; hacks need to be past tense.
 * 40) **"At the time RAIF agents (impersonating Rebel representatives) had arrived to haggle the technology"; put a comma after "time" and instead of parenthesis around "impersonating Rebel representatives" put commas. Unless you were trying to say "By the time".
 * 41) *From "Birth of the Prototype" section
 * 42) **"A reliable schematic has revealed itself"; Past tense again.
 * 43) **"For 8 months"; Spell out 8.
 * 44) **"it was known Codename"; I think you forgot "as" between known and Codename. Also, I think you can combine the definition of each term (Electrosignetic, Caphsronis, Hectron, Obenexer) into a sentence or something like that, rather than a list (since it's unnecessary).
 * 45) *From "Rarity of Use" section:
 * 46) **The section title itself has wrong grammar, "Use" should be in lowercase.
 * 47) **" and well served their purposes"; Put well at the end of that phrase.
 * 48) *From section "Growth and Declination of Production"
 * 49) **The section title itself has bad grammar; make "declination" and "production" lowercase.
 * 50) **"Because they take roughly a year "; Past tense.
 * 51) **"the amount of scientist"; I think "scientist" is supposed to be in plural form.
 * 52) **"until the Yuuzhan Vong war came"; Capitalize "War", since it's proper in this case.
 * 53) **"The actual location of the vault is currently unknown."; Make it past tense, such as "was never known".
 * 54) *Under "Behind the scenes":
 * 55) **"The E.C.H.O. visor was heavily inspired"; capitalize Visor.
 * 56) **"(though not based)"; replace parenthesis with commas and I think adding "on" after based it should work better.
 * 57) **"to have only on look-out"; I think you mean one, not on.
 * 58) **" Later versions of theE.C.H.O. visor"; space between the and E.C.H.O. and also capitalize Visor.
 * 59) *Lastly, none of the images are properly sourced.
 * 60) *New error that arose after fixing the rest:
 * 61) **Still do not have twenty internal links, and only ten can be canon (like New Republic, Rebel Alliance, et al), but with just reason this can be overlooked
 * 62) **You double-link (multiple, even) to Galactic Empire (as Empire). Please do not double link.
 * 63) **From Behind the scenes: "Metroid Prime and Metroid Prime II: Echoes."; the games need to be italicized.
 * 64) *--<font color="#9F0500">Victor Dorantes <font color="#0C003F">(discussion) <font color="#0C003F">(contributions) 19:56, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * From the all-seeing desk of Atarumaster88


 * Nice quality overall, and one of the better-written articles overall-I think revisions made post-Vic had a lot to do with that. I do have a concern related to Device Requirement 2, as I find the History section lacking. It will need to be expanded based upon its uses before I support this.
 * Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yes, per my above complaints. --<font color="#9F0500">Victor Dorantes  <font color="#0C003F">(discussion) <font color="#0C003F">(contributions) 06:59, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Fixed all. --[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|45px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 19:50, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Not quite. Almost. --<font color="#9F0500">Victor Dorantes <font color="#0C003F">(discussion) <font color="#0C003F">(contributions) 19:56, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***When, harder than I thought. Got all the links. Oh, and everything else. --[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|45px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 22:00, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * No, complaints fixed. I <3 this article. --<font color="#9F0500">Victor Dorantes <font color="#0C003F">(discussion) <font color="#0C003F">(contributions) 22:11, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) I've got no issues with this article. It's always been one of my favorites. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 22:14, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Nope. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 01:10, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  15:35, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:57, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Mary Sue.
 * 3) *Only 8 non-date links.
 * 4) *Little negative said in P&T.
 * 5) *Purely preference, but the images are not staggered right-left-right.
 * 6) * Image:Droideka83.jpg, Image:83hk.jpg, image:Garpple831.jpg, and image:B2831.jpg are not sourced properly, and image:Hkfull.jpg and Image:IT-O.jpg have false sources. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:08, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Sourced all but one of those images. I've tried increasing links and the P&T, but due to the fact that the internet access I've currently got is junk, it'll be difficult. AND HOW DARE YOU CALL MY BRILLIANT AMAZING WONDERFUL ARTICLE A MARY SUE! Just kidding. Yeah, I admit it's a bit on the Sue side, but I wrote it years ago when I didn't even have a clue what a Mary Sue was. I'll work on it soon. Unit 8311 13:15, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the unoriginal desk of Atarumaster88


 * "By now 8311 was perhaps the most influential droid in the galaxy." POV.
 * I'm not fixing the half-dozen uncapitalized instances of "Rebels".
 * "As the galaxy celebrated, however, they were unaware that the worst was yet to come..." POV and un-encyclopediac tone.
 * "Also, thanks to him, illegal copies of Gunray on top and several saucy letters from Tarkin became in wide circulation in the outer rim, frustrating the Imperial censorship boards." Find a different verb than became.
 * "At the height of his upgrading, 8311 was a virtually unstoppable killing machine."
 * FWIW, this is labeled improperly on the FAN review pages. It's undoubtedly a character unless there are more of the mechanical atrocities running around in the mind of the author. Not an objection.
 * Fighting style is chock full of POV.
 * BtS is way too small.
 * The SWF Mary Sue test that I ran on this yielded a 17 "Borderline Mary Sue", but there is some scatter there due to the fact that it wasn't designed for droids. I'd call this a Mary Sue and give it a level of ridiculousness that's even greater than 's . That said, my personal feelings are that this should not be a featured article in its current form. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:08, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Yes, MS;MD. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Review:
 * Image:Logo Comparison.PNG is the only properly sourced image. Please properly source the others as well.
 * 1) *From the Infobox:
 * 2) **Fix the width of the image to 250px
 * 3) **It's "Legacy era", not "Legacy Era"
 * 4) *From the Introduction:
 * 5) **"was popular enough to produce two variation"; I think you meant variations.
 * 6) **"biggest cause for its company's"; You link to Aratech over "it's company" again, which is unnecessary, considering you already linked to it in the first sentence. Also, though, "it's" should not have an apostrophe.
 * 7) **" in the roles of ambusher"; Shouldn't "ambusher" be capitalized?
 * 8) *Under "History":
 * 9) **"was first brought up who began in 52 ABY "; I don't think "who began" should be in there, must've been an error.
 * 10) **"Jayar Keven, currently the owner of Aratech Corporation"; It should be something like "Jayar Keven, the owner of Aratech Corporation at the time,"
 * 11) **"Aratech had spent a large amount of money on advertising. It worked, and the Galactic Alliance took interest." You should combine those two sentences, otherwise it sounds choppy.
 * 12) **"After an initial eighty to test them"; you should work that better, to clarify that it was eighty Inceptors and that they were for testing.
 * 13) **" for the an large jump"; I don't think "an" should be there.
 * 14) **"which had been proven by fire in various minor conflicts and disputes"; proven what? Please clarify that last sentence.
 * 15) **Please split the last paragraph into two or three. It's far too massive.
 * 16) **" although keeping comlink silence."; Past tense, please.
 * 17) **"as they arrived, a curious scene unfolded before them"; remove curious. has Point-of-View.
 * 18) **"More curiously, the Phoenix had gone missing"; again, remove curiously. Unless you add "more curiously for the squadron" or something like that, it's POV.
 * 19) **"and six well-placed torpedoes, the engines were disabled"; I think you meant to put "and with six well-placed..."
 * 20) **"Lieutenant Neptra Urio ordered immediately evasive action"; Immediately should be immediate, methinks.
 * 21) *Under "Design":
 * 22) **"The wings tapered out"; I believe it's "The wings were"
 * 23) **" The engine thrusters are stuck out of the back, while two more nodes hold sensor and stealth equipment."; past tense needed in a couple of places, where you used present tense.
 * 24) **"The seats were form fitting"; Fitted is the word you're looking for, I believe.
 * 25) **"Waste removal was also easy and did the best it could to eliminate any smell." Can you tell us how it removed smells? Fans? Ventilators? Febreze? (kidding about the latter)
 * 26) *Under "Armaments": (Please break this section into two paragraphs)
 * 27) **At first I was reviewing this section sentence-by-sentence, however each sentence has the same problem: Present tense. Please use past tense, replacing "are" with "were" and the like, as well as re-wording if necessary. Also, you could spell out the numbers, such as in "4 Model-IX Recon Droids, 6 Plasma mines", etc.
 * 28) *From Systems section:
 * 29) **Again, needs a lot of fixing with past tense. There are a lot, so I am not going to point out every one.
 * 30) **"Information was also stored on many enemy fighters and other threats that the WraithX could encounter...and even threats the WraithX probably wouldn't encounter. The computer also contains many other useful tools." Remove the ellipsis, and simply put a space. Also, what other useful tools? That's just a way of saying "Other cool stuff I can't think of", so please specify or just remove that last line.
 * 31) *Under "SypderX Stealth Scout" section:
 * 32) **More past tense errors. Please fix.
 * 33) *Under "Behind the scenes"
 * 34) **Remove all second person references (such as "If you didn't realize"). You do not speak to the reader, always use third person POV.
 * 35) **Also, there are first person references (such as "I"). Remove those too, replace them with third person POV. Such as "though I made the WraithX's more on the powerful side than the stealth side."; turn it into "though "Shadowphobia" made the WraithX's more on the powerful side than the stealth side." We don't use first or second person POV because its not encyclopedic and no one will know who "I" is unless they know the author. Regardless of that, it's not encyclopedic and needs to be in third person.
 * 36) **"the Cobrex, obviously came from CobraX" Remove obviously. It's not obvious to all, that's POV, so remove it.
 * 37) **"During a GA nomination, I was told more pictures would help. I had two, but I couldn't find any more pictures of that went with my already existing model, so I changed my picture model." As I said with the 1st person references, fix them, but I bring this sentence out because here is another issue. If a reader isn't familiar with FAs, GAs and voting and the like, he won't know what "GA nomination" is. So please specify that "When the article of WraithX-Beta Interceptor was nominated as a Good Article on Star Wars Fanon..."
 * 38) *Lastly, your categories: "Articles by Shadowphobia | Starfighters | Aratech Products"; please alphabetize them (Aratech Products, Articles by, Starfighters)
 * 39) *--<font color="#9F0500">Victor Dorantes <font color="#0C003F">(discussion) <font color="#0C003F">(contributions) 20:50, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * From the super-heavy, undetectable, and speedy desk of Atarumaster88

'More tense issues in Variants section.
 * "The engine thrusters are stuck out of the back, while two more nodes hold sensor and stealth equipment. " Reword that first bit and fix the tense as well.
 * Tense issues in armament.
 * At the very least, numbers less than twenty should be spelled out for professional quality. (Rule 3.1) My personal preference is <100.
 * "The avionics are top notch as well" POV
 * FWIW, the reason the StealthX was limited to Jedi IU was because any comm transmissions would give away the ship's location. It's fanon, so whatever. ::Tosses canon out window:: If you do care about canon, "Where the StealthX's design was almost exclusively for Jedi, the WraithX's cockpit was made to be comfortable enough for non-Jedi to easily fly the WraithX." that sentence makes no sense.
 * Informal tone: "That's where the Cobrex came in, filling in the gap between high-tech fighters and the cheap, out-of-date fighters. " Some POV in there to boot.
 * History of the variants is lacking in detail.
 * "Mandalorian" is mispelled. I didn't fix it because it was a quote.
 * Images are unsourced. Also, you state that there are no sharp edges on a WraithX&mdash;a look at your infobox picture reveals an angled nose that tapers to a point. This level of inconsistency should not be tolerated.
 * POV in armaments section.
 * Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:21, 3 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * Yes, per above complaints. --<font color="#9F0500">Victor Dorantes <font color="#0C003F">(discussion) <font color="#0C003F">(contributions) 20:50, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  15:34, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Don't really see anything wrong with this article. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:13, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the saber-wielding desk of Atarumaster88


 * "Overall, Desnium was a devastating and highly efficient lightsaber form when used in combat." Okay, let's not butter ourselves up too much. POV, Rule 3.2
 * "Although Desnium never left a true legacy, its practitioners did so through its use." Weasel words; reword per Rule 3.1 (Intro)
 * "Desnium was not created to be an aggressive form, therefore its attack was not the best, however, it was still considered deadly and resilient." POV, Rule 3.2
 * A minor quibble if you actually care about canon. There's no way a form derived from Ataru would open defensively. You even state this in the BTS, so why do you insist it's derived from Ataru?
 * "The attacks from Desnium would usually vary, of course, though most attacks usually were aimed at the torso and lower" Lower what? Body? Limbs?
 * "Narod often used this form against conventional enemies, those who could not wield the Force against him." Redundant wording and/or POV to refer to non-Force sensitives as "conventional".
 * "With a single lightsaber, Narod would take a step back and then speed of," Possibly missing an "f" here.
 * "Unfortunately for the practitioners, using the one-handed form against Force wielding enemies was not a smart choice, since it was weak and the user was often left open for attack against such enemies." Informal tone and unclear wording. Rule 3.1
 * "That was why the one-handed form was not recommended for lightsaber combat, and instead recommended for conventional enemies." See above.
 * "Narod learned that the other lightsaber form he had begun using was Sokan, a form which was used to play on terrestrial advantages and a stronger defense." I believe the word you are looking for is terrain; terrestrial refers to planetary locations. It is, of course, your choice on the wording, so I won't push this.
 * "Either way, this form of attack was fast and at the same time utilizing one's Force potential to their advantage." Awkward verbage, rule 3.1
 * I find this article overall unimpressive, especially considering . That's not really an objection; I'm still working on how hard I can push 3.3. Regardless, have a Super Terrific Un-frustrating day.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:13, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Review:
 * 2) *General:
 * 3) **Does not have twenty internal links.
 * 4) *From Infobox:
 * 5) **Put a comma in the year.
 * 6) **List the known users with asterisks rather than separating them by commas.
 * 7) **For lightsaber design, either describe it or remove the link. Unnecessary.
 * 8) **Capitalize "wave" in "Force Wave", since it's proper.
 * 9) **For Eras, put "Old Republic era" rather than just "Old Republic"
 * 10) **List Similar forms rather than separating them by commas, like with known users.
 * 11) *From Introduction:
 * 12) **"the point of this form is to suprise the enemy greatly"; past tense, please.
 * 13) **"shutting off your dominant lightsaber to break past defenses"; never write in the second person tense. Always third person. This means no "you" "your" or the like.
 * 14) **"The form has a deadly attack"; past tense please
 * 15) **"Jace Kyjar would invent this form as a spark of his own creativity."; instead of "would invent" put "invented".
 * 16) **"He would first attempt it"; put "He first attempted it"
 * 17) **"blown away by a force wave."; capitalize Force Wave
 * 18) **"He would perfect the form "; put "he perfected". You keep using future tense, rather than past tense.
 * 19) ***That's not future tense, Victor. That's past perfect and it is perfectly acceptable in formal encyclopediac writing. All objections of this nature should be struck.  Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page )
 * 20) *Under "History":
 * 21) **"the power which allows"; past tense, please.
 * 22) **" but none could perfect it no matter how they tried."; put a comma between "it" and "no"
 * 23) **"Nearing the end of his life,"; Near, not nearing.
 * 24) **"Xeno would also go on to master the form, but would never give any others his knowledge, feeling it would be better"; again, you're using future tense, in a couple of places in there. Please fix it.
 * 25) **"if such a dangerous form"; remove dangerous, that is from point of view. Must have NPOV.
 * 26) **"Xeno would end up doing the same thing at the end of his life"; again, future tense.
 * 27) ***Not future tense, see above. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:30, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 28) **"the teachings of the deadly form"; deadly is point of view
 * 29) **" Now, in the hands of a Sith Lord, the form truely has the opportunity to show off its deadly capabilities."; You use present tense. Please make it past tense. Such as "it had the chance" or whatever.
 * 30) *Under "Description" section:
 * 31) **"rivalling" is not a word. "rival" works perfectly.
 * 32) ***"rivaling" is a word, FWIW. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:30, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 33) **"eachother" is not a word; separate the words.
 * 34) **"The Tra'cor was a dangerous amphibian beast native to Sorocco and were"; replace "were" with "was" since you are talking about a singular Tra'cor.
 * 35) **" to such a deadly form."; again, POV.
 * 36) **"Jar'Kata knowledge would never"; future tense being used again. Fix please. Also, this part of the article contradicts the rest, since it says the Sith would never get it, although earlier in the History it says that Darth Nyne did get it. Explain this/retcon this/fix this.
 * 37) ***Again, not future tense. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 16:30, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 38) *Under "Grip" section:
 * 39) **"applications of Jar'Kata combine the applications of both"; past tense, please.
 * 40) **"the lightsaber is held"; past tense, please.
 * 41) **" the user holds a short lightsaber"; past tense, please.
 * 42) **"The lightsaber is held in the center"; past tense, again.
 * 43) *Under "Stance" section:
 * 44) **"confidence is a large issue"; past tense again, please.
 * 45) **"the practitioner must show their confidence in their stance"; past tense again.
 * 46) **"There are two defined ways "; past tense, again.
 * 47) **"influenced way has the user standing "; past tense, again.
 * 48) **"More past tense errors throughout: "The off-handed lightsaber should be ignited, though does not have to be, with the main handed lightsaber always disignited. Both lightsaber tips should be pointed towards the attacker to make them afraid of an attack."
 * 49) *Under "Striking":
 * 50) **"sole influence is Trakata"; past tense again.
 * 51) **"The user would now be able to cut"; remove future tense please.
 * 52) *Under "Defense" section:
 * 53) **" of this technique is the use "; past tense please.
 * 54) **"because it's only purpose"; no apostrophe between "it" and "s"
 * 55) **" defense is very heavily drawn upon"; past tense, again.
 * 56) *Under "Requirements":
 * 57) **"the user must have an above-average grasp"; past tense please.
 * 58) **"of the force and even higher force potential"; capitalize "Force", since you're talking about "the Force".
 * 59) **Please use past tense in the following (quite a few in there): "They must meditate regularily to clear their mind for the fight that they undoubtedly see ahead. The user must have the ability to concentrate in battle, as a lack of doing so will lead to an onslaught of deadly force powers against them. (next paragraph) The user must also be proficient in using both hands."
 * 60) *Under "Weaknesses" section:
 * 61) **Lots of present tense. Fix this, please.
 * 62) *Under "Lightsaber Design":
 * 63) **Section header has improper grammar. Make "design" lowercase.
 * 64) *The list of Users is not necessary, since it's just a list and we already know throughout the article and infobox who used it.
 * 65) *"Behind the Scenes"
 * 66) **Make "scenes" lowercase.
 * 67) **One fact is like this: "The first recognizable lightsaber form created by Steve Young." Please put "Jar'kata" before this sentence.
 * 68) *Also, please attribute any of the images from devianart to their proper author if you know it.
 * 69) *--<font color="#9F0500">Victor Dorantes <font color="#0C003F">(discussion) <font color="#0C003F">(contributions) 07:45, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * From the overblown desk of Atarumaster88


 * "The form had a deadly attack, coupled with an adequate defense, possibly making it a more deadly form than Juyo or Ataru." POV, Rule 3.2 Saber form articles should never make blanket judgments on the merits of the overall effectiveness of a form without reasoning. Do you think Wikipedia would allow someone to say that karate is more deadly than judo? Heck no. They might say that karate has far more effective striking techniques than judo, but to pass judgment like that is against everything that comprises encyclopedaic content.
 * Pathetic detail on the History section is almost anecdotal instead of flowing. Rule 3.3
 * "Now, in the hands of a Sith Lord, the form truely had the opportunity to show off its deadly capabilities." Shameless self-aggrandizement and I believe truly is misspelled unless it's an Anglo thing.
 * "The applications of Jar'Kata combined the applications of both Jar'Kai and Trakata to create the perfect form." How the %#$Y! did that get through review the first time. POV, must die.
 * "In order to use Jar'Kata, the user must have had an above-average grasp of the Force and even higher Force potential." POV.
 * Capitalize "the Force" in all instances, per Rule 8 and MoS.
 * The Force techniques described in the infobox have no relevance to the prose in the body. Expand this information or cut it.
 * Why is Darth Nyne not listed in the infobox under famous users? For that matter, Sith Order should be placed there as well.
 * I find this lack of neutrality disturbing. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * Yes, per above complaints. --<font color="#9F0500">Victor Dorantes <font color="#0C003F">(discussion) <font color="#0C003F">(contributions) 07:45, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *I was really bad on this one for some reason grammar wise. Anywho, I got most of them done but the links. Should I just link to articles here that I have linked to Wookiee? Dexington 18:43, 23 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) **Well, as I said with E.C.H.O. Visor, I am willing to look past the 20 links, with a good reason. One thing I would argue is that this article isn't character based, so it won't be having a lot of interaction with other articles. As for changing your links from Wookiee to here, remember that only 10 canon links will count.
 * 3) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  15:35, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) This article is just....ugh. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 17:59, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 3) * Image:UssejByeBye.JPG, Image:AnakinPadme.JPG, and Image:PatrickBac2.JPG are not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:18, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Those are fixed. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 20:26, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the prophetic desk of Atarumaster88


 * "Prophecies of The Skywalker were a holy set of writings that foretold the coming of great kings, rulers and other legendary figures throughout the history of the universe." Holy, great, and legendary are all POV and must be exorcised.
 * Appropriate linking should occur in the intro; I believe you have a Yahweh article, as well as 2nd JBO, and JB.
 * I don't like the Academy infobox. You should either make a custom one or use one for writings, because that's what these are. They're not academies.
 * "The Skywalker’s children and the Chief of the Whills knew that they would have to begin on what they were destined to begin. " Unclear wording and uncreative verbage. Rule 3.1
 * "He did, however, manage to disarm her as he fell. Her blade cutting through the thing ledge itself, the evil one tempted him to end it once more." Say again, Mac?
 * "At that moment, he realized that the prophecy was true, though it was not until Ussej Padric Bac III was momentarily taken to Ashlan Four to speak with him did anyone realize that the prophecy had come true." More uncreative verbage.
 * "They were galactically renowned for their brutal discipline and lust for power in their upper ranks, along with the unholy methods they used to attain it." At the bare minimum, unholy is POV.
 * "Patrick was tasked with finding evidence to prove that the two orders were once one and, after doing so, Patrick joined Taylor and Daniels and reunified to become the Jedi Bendu Order." Uh . .. ? There's some rewording needed here.
 * I find the Prophecy of the Last Son section wholly unsatisfactory. There is no explanation as for why the actual text no longer exists, and it goes on and on overmuch on its fulfillment.
 * "Each of the prophets would be remembered for one great thing." POV.
 * "Ussej Padric Bac II helped his father and the galaxy realize what happens when arrogance gets the best of you, " Second person must die.
 * "Laili Jeyna Rendar helped Ussej Padric Bac redeem himself from the dark side of the Force, Kit Corwin Rendar showed the galaxy, and Ussej, the dangers of blind attachment, Ussej Padric Bac II helped his father and the galaxy realize what happens when arrogance gets the best of you, Ussej Padric Bac III helped the galaxy realize what happens when prejudice blinds you, Han Solo helped Luke Skywalker destroy the remaining Death Stars over the skies of Coruscant that led to the redemption of Anakin Skywalker and Taylor Rendar helped pull Patrick Keylan Bac back from the darkness and discover that Elizabeth Covet was the heir to the Skywalker Throne. " That sentence is just a mite long.
 * Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:21, 3 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yes. <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 17:59, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:18, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Only 3 non-date links.
 * Image:ShikkriWriting1.jpg is not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:21, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * This message is from the grammatically correct desk of Atarumaster88


 * APPROVED following review and revisions

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:21, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No; I don't like to nitpick over link numbers. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *None of the images are sourced correctly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:25, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From a spoof of the desk of Atarumaster88


 * "The first episode remained the most viewed for the majority of the airing, until the tenth episode surpassed it gaining over 2,000 views. This was minor compared to some of the major videos uploaded onto YouTube, but was still a major marker in the start of the series as the creators knew they now had fans." Contradiction in the numbers and major/minor needs some variety.
 * "terrorization" is most certainly not a word.
 * Inconsistent tense in Part 2.
 * Consistently de-capitalize Clone Army unless you are referring to it as a proper noun. If so, that distinction should be clearer.
 * "Commlink" should be comlink. Multiple instances of this.
 * Clones should be decapitalized in all instances; it is not and will never be a proper noun unless the name of a ship, book, work of art, etc.
 * Decapitalize Smashball.
 * Song titles should be placed in quotes.
 * I hate trivia sections. That said, I can't find anything prohibiting them.
 * I give this article an Epic Meh. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:21, 3 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:25, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

=Additional Reviews= The following reviews were added after the above review began for a variety of reasons, including an out-of-date Featured Article list on the featured article page.

Complaints

 * 1) From a strictly FAR review, nothing wrong with this article. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  22:00, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke status?

 * 1) No. Am I done now? - Solus (Bird of Prey)  22:00, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *lol. --<font color="#9F05">Victor <font color="#AA00">(talk) 23:14, 1 July 2008 (UTC)