HP:Battle of Kothlis (Cruentusian War)

This is the review page for Battle of Kothlis (Cruentusian War).

Objections

 * 1) The flies in the buttermilk:
 * 2) * Battle of Kothlis (Cruentusian War) I don’t believe that (Cruentusian War) needs to be a part of the intro.
 * 3) *”Kothlis, which was rich in resources and also a strategic point.” Strategic how? Militarily? Economically? Culturally?
 * 4) *”Necasians dug around…” Do you mean ‘’dug in’’?
 * 5) *”Realizing that he had been over reliant on the Zayre somewhat…” Would “Realizing that he had been somewhat over reliant on the Zayre…” sound better?
 * 6) *”Srav soldiers set about modifying the Necasian workshops…” how/why were the Sravs modifying workshops?
 * 7) *”The remaining Necasians on the island holed up at the highest point of the island.” Do you mean “held up?”
 * 8) *“Both the Sravs and the Necasians knew that the island after the next one was the central island of the archipelago, where the main Necasian command centre was located, and Askar knew that if said central island fell, the entire Necasian defense network for the archipelago would collapse and the Sravs could take over with impunity, and he ordered his troops to fight to the death, an order that they did not take to happily.” This sentence seems a bit long to me.
 * 9) *“Taking to the skies, the DarkBirds engaged the Yukels in the sky…” Using skies and sky in the same sentence ''ke this seems a bit repetitive.
 * 10) *“NWD-STI88 anti-air missile launcher s” Typo.
 * 11) *“However, Askars calls for reinforcements were heard by Renard Curl…” I don’t think that however should be used at the beginning of this sentence.
 * 12) *Other than that, this article is pretty good.
 * Sorted all the above. Unit 8311 10:10, 30 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments

 * 1) I'll look at it soon. One thing I can say from looking at it is that the pictures could be a bit bigger, especially the wider ones which should be more than 200px. That's not a reason for oppose, though. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 18:32, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) This looks promising. I'll study it [the article] this afternoon. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 16:41, 30 July 2008 (UTC)