Saga Two: The Story of Palpatine

Saga Two.

Palpatine and the monkey people

Palpatine was at this point in his life more distraught than ever. Not only had his beautiful creation, the death star, been utterly destroyed, but now, of all places, he was on earth, a young, inhospitable planet where there were certainly, absolutely no babes. And things did not get any better from there, for his two friends, the only two he really had, were now dead, eaten by the monstrous fish of the lake. To make matters even worse, twilight was on its way, and not terrible book with the vampire, for that would have been far worse, but actual night was soon to be at hand. Far off in the distance Palpatine heard a hoarse cry and shuddered from it. It was a lonesome sound, but not any more lonesome than himself.

The thick foliage before him was nigh impenetrable, but he wished greatly to be rid of the stinking lake, so on his hands and knees he crawled beneath that verdant layer and arrived on the other side to a rather wild looking wood that seemed to absorb all the faint light outside it and cast him into total darkness. Taking a moment to adjust Palpatine began to realize more and more his imminent danger. For this was no friendly wood, it was dark and full of terrors. No hominid creatures appeared and often Palpatine heard the cry of some horrid beast not far off. In fact he could almost have seen their shadows if he tried. But he didn’t want to. The old bitch was shaking with fear. He just wandered as best he could, hardly remembering the power he held in his fingers, or the keen red saber at his hip. He had never been in a place like this before and it was horrible.

Thinking it best to try to find a place of refuge he began to look earnestly for a hideaway, where the beasts might not find him, but alas he could not. There was nothing save for great, looming trees, and dark brush as thick as mud. He began to sob, piteously at first until his languishing cries began to disturb the silence around him, and arouse some of the formidable adversaries of the night. When he heard their cries honing in he covered his mouth and shivered. Now, he had done it.

The whooping started after that, harsh calls that echoed through the whole wood. He knew not what demons he would be placed against, but frightened he held out his hands to shock whoever he may if it would come to it. And very soon, as the whole wood shook with sounds of beasts, he saw their eyes. They glinted yellow and pierced the night. At such a sight Palpatine could contain it no more, he gave a shriek and began to run. The beasts loved a good chase so they set after him at an easy pace. Old Palpatine did not run very fast after all. But right as they were licking their lips and were to be upon him, there was another whoop and the beasts knew it well. Frightened from the sound they went to scatter and yet a huge spear flew from the treetops and impaled one of them right then and there! Palatine turned at such a sight and jumped upon seeing the gored body a great panther. The others, however had already bounded off fast as could be. But right before the old boy could go and inspect things something caught fast his leg and, bound by a rope he was hoised upside down into the treetops, fainting gladly.

When he finally came to he was in a sort of endorian style tree hut. Firelight blazed outside of it and he seemed to be bound. Even more frightened now he began to wail. The people of that land, hearing him now awake, roused the elders to go and speak with him. So it was that soon three, impish, ape-like hominids crawled within the small hut and began to speak with him. Palpatine of course had no idea what they were saying! He was terrified and demanded an explanation. But by and by they just kept going on in their whooping, drooling tongue. At last however they stopped and pulling out jagged blades began to advance towards old Palp. Shrieking upon seeing such obsidian knives Palpatine gave a louder cry yet and then sent a great wave of harsh, purple lightning from his fingers. The elders stopped dead in their tracks. Palpatine looked at them, actually a little surprised it had worked, and then chuckling darkly began to say.

“That’s right! Fear me!” But then something entirely different happened, they went behind and cut his bonds. Then very casually they began to disrobe him. Seeing as all he had on was his robe in the first place he tugged and pulled to keep it on, but one of them showing his fangs to Palpatine, put a stop to that. So fearing once more his ends he let them take his only comfort, and with it his lightsaber. Feeling all a bit awkward now as he sat their sagging in his birthday suit he tried to cover himself up a bit, but they didn’t seem to like that either and growled at him. So shrinking back into the chair he awaited his fate.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">The oldest looking of the elders had already sent one of his underlings to retrieve some beads with which to adorne the naked emperor and soon they would crown him with wreaths. The truth was, after seeing such a miraculous sight as that of the lightning from his fingers they thought him a god.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Now, see here!” Palpatine said as they began throwing the beads over his head, but they heeded him not and soon they brought forth a leafy crown with which they placed firmly atop his baldness. Feeling rather insecure at this point Palpatine began to plead for his robe back so he might have some coverings, but alas they could not understand him and instead brought forth a little grass skirt that only fit him skimpily.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">Once he was finally adorned in a completeness that fit the tribe they brought him food, to which at first Palpatine was very grateful, that is until he realized it was a disgusting gloop that comprised mainly of heavily mashed grubs a roots. He did not at first wish to eat, until they growled at him for his ingratitude. Promptly he started, gagging all the way. At last he finished the bowl and began to implore.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Where am I? Who are you? Why must I dress like this?” he asked but they were a solemn people and had at this time already begun prayer. On hands and knees they gathered in the wigwam above the ground and bowed serverily at his feet. At first this was a great relief to the old goat and he chuckled at their scraping but after some time, and missing his death star dearly, Palpatine grew tired of it and began barking orders at them. They did not like this and one of the elders clambered over and bit Palpatine harshly on the toes. Old Palp cried out, and it frightened them so, that one of them slapped him hard across the face.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">He learned after this to keep his quiet and was resolute in doing so, but then something magical happened, one of the more important looking of the ape-people came inside with a bonafide pipe. Palpatine was so pleased he almost cried out, but flinched instead for fear of being hit again. Trying to explain to them that he needed a few puffs he worked out best he could by sign. The elder, seeing as this was important to Palpatine implored the man to give it up, after the man looked at Palpatine’s eager old face he promptly refused and turned away to the corner of the hut.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">The elder was not in the mood to be denied and with great force he grabbed the other by the shoulders and with no exaggeration on my part beat him to death. So it was that Palpatine came by the pipe, at that time a little bloody, and trying to shake off the gore he put it in his mouth and took a heave. It was the blackest, dirtiest, nastiest stuff the old man had ever, in all his 88 years of life ever tasted. He drew in the smoke and hacked it out. His eyes watered and nearly burst from his skull in the racket he made, and fearing once more to be slapped he gave the pipe away with some haste and vowed never again to pick up the thing.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">The ape-people, once more solemn, decided to leave Palpatine at this time and take rest for the remainder of the night. So it was that he was once more bound and they all scrambled out and flew to their own little huts to sleep. Palpatine was about to use his lightning to fry the bonds when he saw a giant shadow fall outside the hut and decided it better to let them have their way then to be beaten to death as their fellow had, who they so rudely left inside to stink and rot.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">But all the same to Palpatine he had to escape! The ape people were horrifying to him and so he took that time to plan out how he would do it. He thought long into the night, but after some time felt himself sleepy. So, on his cramped little throne he did his best to rest.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">He was not in slumber long however before something bopped him harshly on the head. Awakening from his snores he startled and looked around. The ape-people were all around him now and the elder grinned at him, hiding the root which he had used to do the awakening. Then earnestly one of the elders united Palpatine and the crowd parted to the door.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">Thinking it at once a trap, Palpatine did not wish to leave the throne, though at this time his old bones ached to stretch. But it did not take much to convince him as the elders began hoisting him up by force. So obliging to their wants he waddled out of the hut and cringed at the light of day so bright in his eyes.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">The elders gathered round him and began swinging off in a direction away from the hut, motioning for Palpatine to follow. The old man was flabbergasted. What did they think he could do, fly? So as he motioned back that he had no wings the elders stopped and scratched their heads. Then one slapped his knee and gave a low call out into the wood. Palpatine heard their call answered, gruff and deep. Then suddenly a massive ape came swinging from a tall tree right towards the aged emperor. Savagely frightened Palpatine did all he could not to wet himself and just cringed their and shook. But the giant ape meant him no harm and with unspeakable ease picked the old man up and tucked him under his arm.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">Then the two went swinging off after the elders, who continued on their way. Palpatine, who at first was very afraid, actually begun to enjoy the ride and the warm embrace of the ape, whose furry chest he nestled into like a babe, and deciding to take a nap did just that on their long journey. But after a ways he woke to being dropped on the ground.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">“Oooh!” Palpatine huffed as the picked himself up. A terrible odor then met his nose and he realized he was out on an open plain near a large mud bog. The ape-people however rejoiced at the arrival and all began to jump in and swim about in the warm goo. Looking into it Palpatine could see all manner of dead beasts floating bottoms up in the tarry substance and reveled in disgust.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">The elders were however, quite insistent that he join them and at a call from one of them the giant ape picked him up the timid Palp and threw him in. Landing with a splash the other apes chuckled and splashed back at him, promptly covering the old man in the stinking mud.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">Quite unhappily he went off to his own corner and began to cry. The ape-people heeded him little and enjoyed their bath. While in his little corner crying Palpatine began to feel sick. The slop he had eaten was not agreeing with his tender stomach. He knew very soon he would have to shit! Thinking of no better place than the bog itself he squatted back and let it fly into the mud. Little did he know this was his very chance of escape. For you see, honest readers, Palpatine was a nasty old man and his bowls reeked something awful. Their were time and time again up in space when people openly retched upon his smell and the ape people were no different. As soon as the poo came out they all began to whoop and holler.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">Looking around in astonishment Palpatine saw they were all barfing and quite occupied. Taking this as his q for he knew that at times the smell could linger for some minutes the old mongrel jumped out of the mud pit and ran fast as his old legs could carry him across the plain. And never again did he find those ancient people, for he steered quite clear of the woods, but he often wondered years later if they still might be out their in the forest, living a life of utter oddities, and longing once more to see their god. <span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Verdana;font-variant-numeric:normal;font-variant-east-asian:normal;white-space:pre-wrap;">