Forum:My resignation and a retrospective on it



I've been wanting to do this for some time, but it was only recently that I finally woke up to the point that I could actually do it: I hereby step down from my position on the CoS. My first reason should be obvious. I'm not doing anything with it. I imagine that I'm potentially stringing people along by having this position and doing nothing at this site. Of course, by this point I'm sure that very few still actually believe that I was being even slightly productive. I am not fulfilling my directives as a member of this board, so there is no point in retaining my membership in said board.

I'm done telling Brandon that I'm going to get back to it, because I know that I'm not. It isn't fair to any of you to do that. On a similar note, I literally don't know anything about you people outside of this site, save for the fact that you're all human beings. Because of that, I think you deserve more honesty and/or directness from me than what I've been giving.

My second reason for this is that, quite frankly, SWFanon is no longer as important to me as it once was. I first began writing a story in October of 2006, and now, in June of 2009, three years later, I don't have that much interest in working on it now. I have so little, in fact that I don't remember the last time I've done anything in the Dark Order Continuity. Over and over I went through these phases where I told myself, "I'm going to clean up everything I have, and then I'll advance the timeline", and I never finished that phase of production. I still like my work and think that, despite the fact that it's far from complete, it's the best fan-made Star Wars story to ever be conceived of in the history of the world, but I think I'm not going to be doing any significant work on it for a while. Maybe never.

The thought of it never being finished might have bothered me a year or two ago, but not as much anymore, though I still like it. The thing is that I now know how little all of this matters. You see, I've spent the last four days on a double-absence from this place. By that, I mean that not only was I doing nothing whatsoever at SWFanon [as usual], but also that I couldn't. I was off, doing stuff away from home and working with others and such. For four days, Star Wars itself didn't exist. I was doing shit that I liked.

I had no cause to worry, or indeed, even think about stupid shit happening on the internet. My imagination, my very brain was not simply turning the same thoughts over and over again inside my head. I was applying that brain and that imagination to other, new things. Life is very enriching when you're doing things. And when I got done doing things for those four days, I realized that Star Wars and SWFanon don't matter. I do not say that to offend - I have nothing against any of you, not those of you at the peak of the mountain, not those of you lying down in the gutters, and not those of you who write the sort of fanon that I used to slam on my userpage every few weeks. I still like this site, also. For years it's been a nice outlet for my imagination and it's me served well in other ways. All I'm saying is that I've just learned that this place is nothing compared to the rest of the world. And it's not just something I've learned. It's something I've lived.

The third reason for me stepping down is the fact that this place is going into the pits. Our active population is pitiful, and the active population of people who actually make a difference for this site is simply a logistical desolation. I've said this before, and I know he denies it, but if you ask me, I still say Brandon Rhea is all but the nexus of this site. No, I don't think he's a control freak or anything like that. The reason I think that's how it is is because he's the only person here who seems to be crazy enough to juggle a social life's responsibilities and still have enough time to care about keeping this site together, let alone actually do it. He's one of the only people here who are active enough to do anything about this place's problems, and that's not good because it doesn't fix this site's population issue. Brandon's initiative and work here is commendable, but it is still a fact that until the people who are dedicated to this place need two or more hands to count them with, SWFanon will always be the sinking ship I said it was years ago. And yes, I know Brandon isn't the only person who does what he does, but he's the most visible and no one has done as much as he has. I might be wrong, but that's just how I see it and I can't think of any other way to look at it.

There are three general classes of people at SWFanon. The lower class are the people who stumble upon this site, spray-paint something on the wall, and leave; they make some random, negligible contributions, and go on their way. The middle class is of people who stick around, make contributions to the site in terms of internal issues and the writing of good stories. The Upper class is the people who decide what direction the site goes in, organizes site events (like our current mass deletion operation), and in general keep the site together. SWFanon's problem is that it doesn't have even close to enough people in the middle and Upper classes. Virtually the entire population is either in the lower class, sandwiched between the middle and the lower in such a way that they stay around but contribute nothing worthwhile, or worse. The few that are left, such as Brandon, are in the upper class, and they can be counted on one hand. There's the root of SWFanon's problem. How can it be fixed? How should I know? Find some way to get other people to come here, but make sure they have brains first.

Quite frankly, I liked SWFanon a lot better back in 2006 when I first joined than I do now. The state of pseudo-anarchism that it was in, where the worst writers on the site were buried with praise and the general view of quality was completely backward was better for the site's health than this limbo which it's all been reduced to now. SWFanon has rotted from the inside. What's left is worse than trash - what's left is nothing. Am I crazy? Maybe, but in any case, that's my third reason: I think that SWFanon is going into the dirt and there's not enough people to fix it. Am I wrong? You decide.

This entire retrospective may be long, but I have to get it all out, said, and done. Summarized, this place stopped being important enough to me long ago, it's a sinking ship that I myself can't do anything about, and I've realized that Star Wars itself means nothing to my life. Those reasons are why I'm resigning from my position as Seer. Now, onto the next big question: Am I leaving?

Is that question a joke? I've left already. I've been gone for months. When was the last time I edited any of my own articles to any measurable degree? When was the last time I logged onto IRC? When was the last time I voted yes or no on an article running for FA or GA? I can't tell you. I haven't done anything of any level of consequence in at least half a year, and probably more than that. This forum isn't announcing my leaving because it's already happened; the message is that I'm not going to pretend to be here any longer. I may yet return from time to time, however. In short, I'll still be around, but I probably won't be doing much until I get some more time on my hands.

SWFanon has been quite a ride, but I think it's time that I stopped pretending to be part of the conductor's crew and left the front car. Maybe I'll drop off at the next station, maybe I won't, but for now, as I said, it's time to formally take a seat in the back where I belong. Strictly speaking, I won't be gone-gone, just officially inactive and/or still lurking. I will respond to any messages, though why exactly I'd get a message, I'm not entirely sure. In any case, I wish you all the best of luck, God's blessing, the Force be with you, and whatnot. Maybe I'll see you down the road.

-MPK, Free Man  02:54, 17 June 2009 (UTC)