DL:Darth Nyne

Disapprove/complaints
Add a talents, post-mortem/legacy section, and change the category Male to Males. Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles 22:36, 16 September 2007 (UTC)

-- Victor  ( talk ) 07:15, 19 September 2007 (UTC)
 * My first "in depth" review. Anyway, here goes…
 * I think there should only be one quote at the top of the article; two is too cluttered and it can be integrated into the article or saved for later.
 * In the infobox, you need to remove his original/birth name and simply put Darth Nyne since that is his current name. "Midnight Black" should be "Midnight black" (black isn't proper). Now, eras, allies, enemies, factions, etc. should not be separated by a, but instead by an asterik (*), like a list.
 * In the introduction, his current name (Darth Nyne) should be first, not his former name. It should be something to the extent of "Darth Nyne (born Yungn'yne'akure), previously known by his core name Nyne..."; you get the picture. Next thing, eras are out of universe, meaning they cannot be used in an in-universe article (at least not in an in universe section; behind the scenes would be the only place to mention eras). Therefore you need to change from "Empire Era" to the specific years or to something like "during the Galactic Empire's reign". Now next sentence: "decendant of Zez-Kai Ell one of the masters that had condemned Revan" First off, decendant is spelled descendant, and the fact about Zek-Kai Ell is irrelevant to Nyne's intro/history. Another sentence: "training himself in the Jar'Kai Lightsaber Form"; lightsaber form should not be capitalized, and also throughout the entire article, you need to use more punctuation (commas to prevent the run-on sentences I keep seeing). Also remember that the "Force" (when talking about ) should always be capitalized.
 * The main article; Expand on minor details throughout. For example, what kind of negotiations did Nyne have to go through for his parents to allow him to leave with the Jedi? Expand on his training, and the event in the mess hall, as well as what forms he practiced for lightsaber combat. Another thing. I truly and highly doubt that the Jedi believed in a death penalty since it was not their way. I am sure exile would be their choice for sure or "rehab", but not punishment by death. Expand towards the end of the article, on Nyne's Sith training and negotiations.
 * Image problem: The image "NynePADAWAN.jpg" overlaps some of the text in the article from the top, so you should try to fix it by moving it up a bit and organizing it better so this doesn't occur. Also move "Nynemastertraining.jpg" down a bit, so it isnt so close to the youngling image.
 * Please expand on his personality/traits. Give examples, elaborate, and tell why Nyne is the way he is. For example, "constant brushes with the dark side"; like what? (Give examples, etc.) But do not lose focus on personality/traits (meaning don't start repeating history, just give an example and keep the focus on the subject).
 * Please add a talents section, such as abilities with the Force, lightsaber, hand to hand combat, cooking, negotiation, etc. Make sure to focus on talents.
 * You have an error in the Behind the scenes section. This line: "The name also stems from the creators nick name Yung Nine"; make sure to put an apostrophe after creator to make it "creator's".
 * In the Appearances section, the book/fan fiction title should be italicized.
 * Categories; a common error I see in many articles: please remove the Jedi category. Nyne is a Sith, so please replace the "Jedi" category with "Fallen Jedi". Also, specify about his Sith rank; if he is a Sith Lord, put "Category:Sith Lords" or if he is an apprentice put "Sith Apprentices", etc. Make sure to replace the Sith category with the specific one. Lastly, please fix "Category:Male" to "Males" (remember, categories are always in the plural form).
 * I hope you fix all those errors and make your article even better, up to FA standards. Always remember to use proper spelling and grammar to the best of your ability. Happy fixing!

Thank you for digging so hard at the article, because I would like it to be the best it can before it ever makes FA status, and I will get on those fixes as soon as I can.  N.Y.N.E. Comlink 07:12, 20 September 2007 (UTC)


 * Vic beat me to the punch and really got everything, so per him. - Brandon Rhea 13:20, 20 September 2007 (UTC)
 * Er, yeah. Per Vic. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  15:52, 3 November 2007 (UTC)