Revenge of the Jedi/Part 57

"You're resigning?!"

Tirien shook his head. "A Barash vow isn't a resignation. It's closer to a…sabbatical."

Narasi shook her head. "But why?"

"It's a type of penance," Raven said. He looked thunderstruck too. "Cutting oneself off from the Order for meditation."

Narasi rolled her eyes. "How much more meditation do you need?!"

Tirien sighed. He still wore the bandage across the bridge of his nose where Dorje Sokos's punch had broken it, and it was healing well, though he refused to use the Force to expedite the process. "It's not meditation for its own sake—a Jedi who undertakes Barash focuses solely on the Force, until his path becomes clear."

They all sat in Inimă Eserzennae's parlor, all of them who were left—Narasi, Tirien, Raven and Raina, Zaella, Jirdo, Renata, Baron Kaivalt, and Bernius. Narasi was a little comforted to sense that, to a being, everyone shared her incredulity, but not enough to find the words.

"What kind of clarity are you seeking?" Raina asked.

Tirien took a moment to answer. "I went to Allanteen for the wrong reasons, with the wrong motivations. And when I was there, I did terrible things.  But I'm not convinced going was wrong in itself, and I…that conflict…I can't resolve.  Not here, and certainly not when I have another mission, and then another after that."

Baron Kaivalt said, "I respect your self-awareness, Tirien. Is there anything we can do for you?"

"The new sensor blister for the Second Chance was more than enough, Your Honor, but thank you."

Narasi shook her head. "But what about Mali? And Aldayr?"

Tirien sighed, but he looked her right in the eye. "I know you're worried about Aldayr. I hope you understand why I can't go, though; I can't keep fighting if I let the dark side fester in me, or someday I might not be fighting on our side anymore."

Narasi wanted to yell at him, to throw something at him, to grab him and shake some sense into him, or shake him out of his gloom. But she remembered the raw, terrifying power he had unleashed against Gasald, and the way he had maimed her and nearly executed her; even the remembering made her shiver, and she could only imagine how it made him feel. She couldn't risk that happening again; as she needed his support, so he needed hers now, and she swallowed. "I understand."

"Thank you," he said softly, then continued in a stronger voice, "But cut off from the Order means cut off entirely. I can't be your master when I've set aside my own Knighthood."

Narasi's jaw dropped. "But…but what am I supposed to do?"

"I know Mali can use every Jedi, and there are plenty of Knights there who could train you—not the least of them Mali. If you want to go, I won't stop you."

Narasi's eyes widened; the moment he said it, she wanted it. Mali was a Form V master; she knew she could learn a lot from him. And as terrible as they could be, she had missed the front lines; joining Mali against the Humanocentrist monster in the north, on a quest to save Aldayr, struck her as exactly the sort of thing a Jedi should do.

And yet…

Good and bad, thick and thin, Core or Rim…

She wouldn't be any kind of Jedi at all without Tirien, but now Tirien didn't know what kind of Jedi he should be. She owed it to him to help him however she could, even if it was just by being present while he searched for the answer.

She shook her head. "No. I mean, thank you, Master—it means a lot to me that you'd let me go.   But we're a team—my place is wherever you are."

He gave her a smile, and it warmed some of the chill that had settled in when she thought of Aldayr. Tirien turned his eyes to Raven, who shook his head.

"I regret some of the things I did, and didn't do," Raven acknowledged. "I need to find my own form of penance, and to wrestle with your questions in my own way. But if it helps, I respect what you're doing."

"As do I," Raina said.

"Me too," Renata agreed.

Tirien looked from Jirdo to Zaella. "I'm not a Knight of the Republic now, so I have no authority to hold you…but even if I did, I wouldn't. You've both shown extraordinary courage, and both of you helped make Allanteen as much a victory as it was.  You're free to go, wherever you wish."

"Name the port, and we'll cover your costs to get there," Baron Kaivalt said.

It was still strange for Narasi to see Jirdo and Zaella looking at each other without hostility. Zaella's eyes flitted from Raina, to Narasi, then back to the baron. "No. I mean, thanks; I appreciate the offer.  But no.  I…"

She leaned forward, elbows on her knees. "My whole life, the whole time I was training on Ryloth, I wanted to be a Sith Knight and master the dark side—I wanted to be powerful. But on the Kiss of Death, I saw what that kind of power is really like, and…it scared me."

She said the words as if she was ashamed, and she hunched her shoulders like she was bracing for a blow, but it was Tirien who winced. "I'm so sorry, Zaella."

"No! I mean, yeah, it was bad, but…"  Her lekku twitched, and Narasi knew she was frustrated. "I'm not blaming you. Honestly, I…I want your help."

"I'm not a Knight—"

"I don't need you to be. You're finding out what you're supposed to do, right?  What the Force wants you to do?  Well…that's me, too.  I don't want to give up using the Force—I'm not just going to go be a dancer or a hooker or something—but I can't keep using the dark side.  I don't want to be…that.  I won't distract you from your penance thing, I just…want somebody to steer me in the right direction.  And I trust you.  I want to go with you, if you'll let me."

She glanced at Narasi. "If you'll both let me."

Tirien looked at Narasi, who understood the question at once. Every day Zaella remained with them, especially without a dozen other Jedi, it diluted their dynamic; with Tirien pausing his Knighthood, the master-apprentice relationship was going to be in a weird place even without Zaella muddying the waters. But Narasi knew the word Zaella was trying to avoid—fear. She feared the dark side, but she also feared herself, and probably the judgment she'd face from other Jedi if she just showed up at Coruscant and asked to join the Order. If she came with, maybe she could find some peace, and a new path.

Narasi refused to be the self-centered, jealous monster Gasald had made her—never again. And maybe, just maybe, the dream of Zaella being a sister Jedi someday wasn't quite dead yet.

She nodded. "If you're okay with it, Master, I want Zaella to come too."

Narasi was surprised to see Raina nod in encouragement. After a moment of thought, Tirien nodded too. "I can't promise you anything, Zaella, but what we can do to help you, we will."

She smiled—one of the few smiles Narasi had seen from her since Allanteen. Everyone looked at Jirdo, who said, "I…yeah, I want to go too."

"Okay, that's just ridiculous," Zaella complained. "Can't you deal with your own problems?"

When they all stared at her—Renata's mouth hung open—Zaella smirked, and Jirdo rolled his eyes. "Ha ha, very funny…"

"I thought it was pretty good, actually…"

Turning back to Tirien and rubbing the roots of his scraggly beard, Jirdo said, "Zaella kind of said it all, but…well, I've got baggage to sort out too. I told you I wasn't up to fighting Gasald, and I meant it, but being on the mission in my own way felt good.  I haven't felt like that in a really long time.  I need to figure out what I'm supposed to do with my life, and…well…this seems like the group to do it with."

Narasi nodded, and when Tirien looked at her, Zaella sighed. "Yeah, I guess."

Tirien recovered some of the dry tone Narasi found she had missed as he said, "Well, with that ringing endorsement, how can I say no? Welcome aboard."

"What about you, Jawa?" Zaella asked. "You coming too?"

Renata smirked—just a little quirk at the corners of her mouth, but Narasi thought she might have loosened up a little. "I think I'm good."

"What did Harshee say? 'No time like the present'?" Tirien got to his feet. "We'd best be off."

The Kaivalts, Renata, and Bernius saw them to the Second Chance; Bernius helped Tirien, Raven, and Narasi load their world-ending nuclear bomb back into the cargo bay. Narasi hugged them all except the baron, but he gave her a deep bow that she returned with a smile. Zaella just nodded to most of them, but she clasped Raina's forearm for a moment, and messed up Renata's hair with a smirk. Once Tirien and Jirdo had said their goodbyes, they got on board the ship and were on their way.

"So where are we going?" Narasi asked as the pulled up the navicomputer, Gizmo on her lap. When Tirien didn't answer, she asked, "Master?"

"Just 'Tirien', now," he said. "And I don't know."

"You don't know?" Zaella said.

"It's not like we have a private planet set aside for this sort of thing…"

"What about Ossus?" Jirdo suggested. "The Jedi Order started there, right? No better place."

"In theory, yes, but Ossus is far behind Sith lines."

"The Temple, on Coruscant?" Narasi suggested. "Like, deep in the Temple, the really old parts where nobody ever goes."

"I don't want to be around a whole bunch of other Jedi," Zaella said, crossing her arms. "Not in the same building—not on the same planet, if we can help it."

Tirien was quiet, but Narasi knew him well enough to sense his mind at work, so she held up a hand to keep the other two quiet and switched the Second Chance to auxiliary controls, flying them in a lazy orbit around Pelagon. When Tirien stirred at last, he said, "I can't think of a perfect answer, but perhaps me trying to find one is symptomatic of the problem…"

"You're gonna need to enlighten the rest of us here," said Zaella.

"I think we should let the Force guide us where we need to go."

Narasi traded glances with Jirdo and Zaella, both of whom looked as uncertain as she felt. Jirdo asked, "So is this a figurative thing, or…?"

"No, I'm being quite literal." He got out of his chair and leaned over Narasi's shoulder. "Some Jedi have the power to astrogate on instinct alone."

"Jedi…including you?" Zaella asked.

"I've never done it before," he confessed. Narasi could sense confidence plummeting, and perhaps Tirien could too, because he added quickly, "But the four of us together—four Force-users, united in common purpose, seeking the will of the Force—if we can't do it, I don't know who could."

Narasi wondered if she would have time to feel any pain if the Second Chance careened through a star, but she knew she had to take the lead in easing the others' concerns. "If you tell me it'll work, Mas—Tirien, then I'll do it."

"Good enough for me," Jirdo said.

Zaella swallowed. "I…yeah."

Gizmo hopped off Narasi's lap and fled to the hold while the others all crowded around her, laying their hands on the navicomputer dials. Tirien stretched out his mind to theirs; Narasi thought of him as a sort of telepathic relay, connecting them all and unifying their thoughts. Narasi stretched out her feelings to the distant stars, seeking the Force all those thousands of light-years away.

''Help me help Tirien. And Zaella. And Jirdo. Help me be the kind of Jedi that can get them all on the right path again. I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me…''

And suddenly, as the navicomputer dial turned one last notch, she knew.

"There," she and Zaella said in unison.

"Now," said Tirien and Jirdo.

"Punch it."

Trusting in the Force and her master's plan, wondering what they would find if they ended their journey intact, Narasi pulled back the hyperdrive lever, and the Second Chance carried them away.