Talk:Valarie Aeliāna Skywalker/Archive 1

Mary Sue stuff
So what needs to be done?-Boba fett 32 (Talk) 00:17, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
 * Here is a link for a mary sue test made specifically for Star Wars and Star Fox. Maybe it will help. Maxreboband (Talk) 00:22, April 26, 2010 (UTC)

Technically you don't need to do anything, since we can't actually enforce any sort of policies against Mary Sues (too subjective, unlike grammar, spelling, NPOV problems which are objective). However, it'd be good to talk to Trak Nar, since she put the Mary Sue template up there and would probably be able to give you a good idea as to how you could improve your article. - Brandon Rhea  (talk) 00:27, April 26, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks guys! I'll expand it in the near future soon.-Boba fett 32 (Talk) 01:20, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
 * I was out for a couple days due to unforeseen circumstances, but now that I'm back, here's the stuff that prompted me to tag the article:
 * Introduction
 * "Kei Skywalker was a Dark Jedi and the most powerful Force user in the galaxy in 40,000 ABY." This first line.  It is POV, in which the point of view is not neutral.  Not everyone in the galaxy might agree with this assessment.  Who considered her to be "the most powerful Force user in the galaxy?"  Perhaps either rewording it, adding who considered her to be as such, or nixing it altogether may help.
 * "She mysteriously had the power to not only control the Light Side of the force but also to control Dark Side abilities (Pale white skin, sulfuric yellow eyes) although she still remained whole-hearted and loving." This line is also a quality that people may contribute as being a Mary Sue.  According to TVTropes, one of the traits of a Mary Sue is the character being "exceptionally talented in an implausibly wide variety of areas, and may possess skills that are rare or nonexistent in the canon setting."  Having the "mysterious ability" to be well-versed in both the Light and the Dark side falls into that area of "exceptionally talented in an implausibly wide variety of areas."  Having an unusual eye, skin, or hair color also falls into the category, but that's really minor.  The abilities aspect, though, that was another trigger for the template.
 * Being the immaculate-conception offspring of a canon character. This, I usually overlook as honestly, it's so common that it's pretty much begrudgingly accepted.  Also, she merely shares the surname of a canon character.  However, since a canon villain had a hand in her creation, it's still worth pointing out.  You can keep it if you want, in my opinion it's rather minor and very commonplace in the articles I've seen, but I'd still suggest considering tweaking it.
 * Powers and abilities
 * "She was considered the most powerful Force user in the galaxy, far more powerful then Galen Marek in galactic history, she had a high potential of telekinesis as she demonstrated her power on six Executor class Star Dreadnoughts. " Again, the character is, "regardless of what skill level the canon characters have established, she might just simply be better than them, often in ways that do not make sense."  I'd really suggest throttling back her power level to something a bit more realistic.  And, as is done in comics, give her a weakness.
 * "She as well had the ability to stop aging, in her teens she slowly aged and when she was finally 20 her age progression had come to a full stop. She had remained youthful because of Darth Plagueis's experiment for immortality, and she was undoubtedly his descendant and legacy. " The halted age progression and ever-lasting beauty is a Mary Sue trait as well.  While attractiveness in itself is not a Mary Sue trait, excessive beauty played up as almost a disadvantage is.
 * "such as the time she once owned a Providence-class carrier/destroyer"' Wait... Owned? Minor, but I really suggest explaining how the ship came into her possession as it does seem odd.  You're prolly working on that currently, so feel free to ignore that.
 * The superhuman strength, when a cohort viewed the article with an unbiased opinion, was pointed out to me as a possible Mary Sue trait. Looking it up, it seems to fall under the following: "Inexplicable and/or poorly defined abilities in general, especially if they play no factor in the plot after their introduction (not even as a Required Secondary Power) and are only there to make the character seem even more awesome."  Explanation will be required, or tweaking.  Otherwise, it seems odd.  Is this strength from the Force or is it something she just so happens to possess for some reason?
 * That's pretty much it in terms of what prompted me to tag the article. I ran the article by some other people without giving them any prior knowledge of it to see what they thought, and they admitted to finding some Mary Sue elements in it as well.  Considering the amount, it's really not that many.  But the article is still rather small, which makes those traits stand out even more.  Try rewording them to be more neutral, or even omitting some of them, and that should fix the problem.  Good luck, and if you need any help, feel free to visit the Writing Center for anyone else to weigh in on this.  Trak Nar  Ramble on 03:35, April 28, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks. I like your skills. I know it probably needs some work but it will take time to do so, I will take my time writing it because I'm trying to make a fanfic that stares her as the main protagonist, I'm calling it: Star Wars: A Another Hope.

Anyway, I started developing the character when I was watching Tenchi Muyo! The Movie and after seeing the characters such as Ryoko and others I started to think of a character for my Star Wars fanfic, then I was watching the my Matrix collection (after like seeing all of them for a billion times) I started to mix Neo and other characters from Sci-Fi shows I started coming up with the character. I also drew a picture in my head that I would like to actually draw soon and post it but I want to animate the image but I don't know how yet but soon so I'm still developing the plot and the story and so on, so it will be awhile before everything is complete. --Boba fett 32 (Talk) 01:12, April 29, 2010 (UTC)

Well I'm trying to make My story and I will continue to fill in the article soon-Boba fett 32 (Talk) 01:00, May 4, 2010 (UTC)

Well I am developing the story soon. And I'm trying to do updates on this artical so please do not judge it yet because I'm taking my time with it so yes it will be awhile before everything is complete. I will update more info soon.-Boba fett 32 (Talk) 04:20, June 7, 2010 (UTC)

The tag
Hey does the article need anything else? (I'm trying hard to avoid the deletion of the article because I spent a long time to develop the character myself)-Boba fett 32 (Talk) 01:46, August 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * Don't worry, we won't delete your article. :) It just has some Point-of-View problems. Now, I'm not good at fixing Point-of-View (PoV) problems, myself, but, in general, it's kind of if you say, like "she was beautiful." That's your point-of-view. A tadpole probably wouldn't think she was beautiful. If, however, you say, "people said she was beautiful" that fixes the PoV. Things like that. If you have any more questions, Brandon Rhea is really good with PoV fixing. ;) - Solus Talk to the Hand  02:16, August 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * Far be it for me to dispute the Angel of Death, but "people said" still doesn't go far enough. Its broadness makes it a . You would have to be more specific. Take a completely made up sentence like "Palpatine was an incredibly evil Sith Lord." We can't actually say that in an encyclopedic article. Not everyone in the galaxy would agree with that, so we try to make the text as neutral as we can without bogging it down in too much specific contextualization. "People said Palpatine was an incredibly evil Sith Lord" wouldn't really cover it either, because you have no idea who these people are. That's what weasel words are: words used to make you think the prose is neutral, but in reality don't tell you all that much. A good way of making sure my example sentence would be as neutral as it can be would be saying something like, "To the Jedi, Palpatine was an incredibly evil Sith Lord." That contextualizes it as a neutral fact, because the Jedi did indeed believe that. Hope that helps! - Brandon Rhea Alliance Starbird.svg (talk) 02:36, August 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks!-Boba fett 32 (Talk) 03:08, August 17, 2010 (UTC)
 * See what I mean? Brandon knows a lot more about it than I do. :p - Solus Talk to the Hand  03:10, August 17, 2010 (UTC)

More Mary Sue crap?
Ok... So what sections have made this a "Mary Sue" article?-Boba fett 32 (Talk) 02:04, January 3, 2011 (UTC)
 * Pretty much the entire article is Mary Sue. For starters, her getting shot in the head and then crushed by debris, with her surviving without any permanent injury. Also, take Ataru's Mary Sue test linked to near the top of the talk page. 02:08, January 3, 2011 (UTC)

Oh. Well I think I went overboard when I first wrote the character, but currently I'm going through some drafts for the character and the fan fic. But at the time I did not think of her as a Mary Sue. But until I have completely establish correct info. I'll need to develop the story as well. Some of the info on the article will change as I update it. And the fan fic Star Wars: The Last Legacy (mite rename it but I'm not sure yet) is becoming a project that some can contribute (It only needs to have some of the chapters I've made up and only if your a fan of Warhammer 40k and Starcraft and Toonami)-Boba fett 32 (Talk) 02:23, January 3, 2011 (UTC)

But what can be done?-Boba fett 32 (Talk) 00:51, January 5, 2011 (UTC)