User:MPK/The Real Empire Saga







=IRC Conversation, July 8, 2010=

Part I



 * 1) swfanon
 * [INFO]	Channel view for “#swfanon” opened.
 * -->|	YOU (Freeman_MPK) have joined #swfanon


 * 	\markov Xim sleeps
 * 	Damnit Freeman_MPK, this is not your personal markovspam channel!
 * 	:(
 * 	Plus, the bot was removed.
 * 	:( :( :(
 * 	Good bye.

|<--	Chakravartin has left freenode (Quit: "A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool." ~William Shakespeare)
 * 	By Solus.
 * 	O_O
 * 	How could she do that to me!?
 * 	Because she hates you.
 * 	:P
 * 	Hey MPK
 * 	Hi.
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	Sorry to anger you over that casting change. :P
 * <Freeman_MPK>	More like despair than anger. :)
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	Heh
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I'd like to take this opportunity to extend my open thanks to whoever brought Star Wars: The Real Empire to my attention, because it's bloody hilarious and one of the best fan fictions I've come across, though I haven't read it all the way through.
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	XD
 * <Freeman_MPK>	From the looks of things it almost seems like Star Wars' answer to HalfLife: FullLife Consequences
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I'd vote for it in the Short Story contest if it didn't probably mean a subsequent lynch mob.
 * <Ataru>	I'm so thrilled.
 * <Ataru>	In fact, in an upcoming blog post, I vocalized a hope that you'd have more detailed thoughts on it.
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	Which reminds me, we still need to lynch JM for his vote on Darth Tyler in the 4WA.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I may at some point, but I've lately only had time to save a copy of the story on my Fanon subpage.
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	To me, leaving thoughts on that story would be like leaving thoughts on Osama Bin Laden.
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	It sorta goes without saying.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Oh, nonsense.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Bad fanfic is just about always more fun to read and analyze than "good" fanfic.
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	That's because you have a twisted mind. :P
 * <Ataru>	Lynching JM is too much work.
 * <Ataru>	Lynching anyone is too much work.
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	I never said it would be easy.
 * <Ataru>	Not to mention illegal in most countries.
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	I only said it would be worth it. :P

*'' Ataru groans. ''
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Fiddledash, all fanfic is bad, it's just the ones that make those of us with a sense of humor laugh that are called the "bad" ones.
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	I...don't really subscribe to that POV.

* Ataru neither.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Not saying good fanfic don't exist. Just good fanfic that isn't bad also.
 * <Ataru>	I've seen fanfic better than profic.
 * <Ataru>	Granted, the profic in question was probably The Crystal Star
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	Not only that, but stuff like The Real Empire isn't there to make us laugh. It wasn't written with a sense of humor. It was written as a serious outing.
 * <Ataru>	Or Hard Contact
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	Granted, from a non-native English speaker, but still.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Sowhat, Brandon?
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	Just saying.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Doesn't need to be intended funny, only needs to be funny. HalfLife FullLife Consequences was hilarious before the guy who wrote it admitted to being a troll.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	And TRL might just yet be an intentional badfic.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Methinks you need to exercise your funny bones more often, Brandon. :\
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	I try not to laugh at those who I know for a fact are trying to make a serious outing.
 * <LO|Away>	http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHxyZaZlaOs
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	Which TRL is meant to be.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Why not?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	And again, you can't know that it is meant to be.
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	I can be 99% certain that it is based on the author's contributions all across Wikia.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	And everyone was 99% certain that Squirrelking really was a French-Canadian kid who was using fanfic to learn English
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	We're going to have to agree to disagree. I'm not going to debate this one.
 * <Goodwood>	lmfao
 * <Freeman_MPK>	(Crickets)
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Well, I can accept that humor is subjective.
 * <LO|Away>	the country side were nice, and the plants were singing, and the birds and the sun were almost down﻿ from the top of the sky.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I can't help it, the dialogue in this story is just goofy.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	In 30 BBY, Luke Skywalker woke up.
 * <Goodwood>	XD
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"This place is like a box. If you open it, the secret will be revealed. Just open the box and push everything away. Don’t let people behind. Just don’t forget to open the box."
 * <Goodwood>	srs wiki is srs
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Is... Is the guy talking to Luke advocating opening the box or not?
 * <Goodwood>	Is this the "mystery box" from the original KotOR?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I never actually thought of that.
 * <Goodwood>	;)
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	Mystery box from KOTOR?

* LO|Away listens to Summer 68'	  
 * <Goodwood>	Yes.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	One other thing that's already evident is that this fic has the most lesbians out of any fic I've read since "Prophet, Thing of Evil"
 * <Goodwood>	XD
 * <Goodwood>	Lesbianism FTW.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Also, there's a character with the name Rebecca Boobs.
 * <Goodwood>	XD
 * <Freeman_MPK>	You can't fucking tell me there's no way this is a trollfic.
 * <Goodwood>	lulz
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	MPK, is your IRC account registered?

* ''Goodwood still won't read it... :P''
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Beats me.
 * <Goodwood>	Gordon Freeman ain't got time to register IRC accounts!
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Don't see why not.
 * <Goodwood>	He's too busy killing headcrabs and being mute
 * <Goodwood>	!
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Dare I ask why you ask?
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	I would've given your account permanent voice status.
 * <Goodwood>	It's cos he wants to give you auto-voice.
 * <Goodwood>	PSYCHIC!
 * <Freeman_MPK>	No idea what that is.
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	The silver circle next to your name rather than the green one.
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	If I mute the channel, only people with voice or op status can talk.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Why would the channel be muted?
 * <Goodwood>	To punish spammers.
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	Sometimes if you ban a troll or a spammer, they keep coming back with proxies
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	So really the only way to get rid of them is to make sure they can't talk.

[INFO]	Font size is 14pt [INFO]	Font size is 12pt [INFO]	Font size is 10pt [INFO]	Font size is 12pt
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Ah.
 * <Ataru>	Brandon_Rhea: I've got all the blog post done except for the part on Saber Battalion
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	Ok
 * <Freeman_MPK>	It occurs to me that the exact thing that makes certain badfics famous across the internet is somewhat undefinable.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Pretty much the only thing that just about all of them have in common is bad spelling and grammar.
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	It's like porn.
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	You know it when you see it.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I guess.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	They're all unique.

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 * <Freeman_MPK>	If I knew how trollfics got famous I'd consider making one.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Man, Luke's kind of an asshat in TRE.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I think he might even be a bad guy.
 * <Ataru>	There's a plot
 * <Ataru>	?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Woah, and this story has witches in it.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I need to count the number of characters. I'm beginning to suspect that more than half of them are lesbians screwing each other.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	All stories have a plot, Ataru. It's just the really bad ones that people say don't exist :p
 * <Ataru>	"Fox store went egg face in with all noise and sound."
 * <Ataru>	That's a story, in its crudest form.
 * <Ataru>	Find the plot.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	That sentence is the plot.
 * <Ataru>	Yes, but you can't even tell me what it means.
 * <Ataru>	I can't even tell you what it means.
 * <Ataru>	And I wrote it.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	A store that sells foxes got an egg on its face and went inside a noisy larger building.
 * <Ataru>	. ..
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	BBL
 * <Ataru>	I think it's time for one of Brandon's favorite quotes.
 * <Ataru>	Interpretation is key

=-=	Brandon_Rhea is now known as Brandon_Rhea|bbl	 
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Aha! See?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	The plot of The Real Empire is also rather crude. It seems that there are two parallel universes... And in one of them, Luke Skywalker, who is somehow back in time, is sent by his father, who is also somehow back in time, to find these... Secret cards.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	MacGuffins.
 * <Ataru>	You are a braver man than me for actually reading that.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Rather straight-forward.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I haven't read the whole thing, just snippets.
 * <LO|Away>	Cards?
 * <LO|Away>	Let's d-d-d-d-duel
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I'm not gonna try reading the whole thing until I get some better free time and a good snack, and maybe a drink.
 * <ITCO>	See it all hinges on Rebecca Boobs.
 * <LO|Away>	The fate of the world rests on the outcome of a children's card game!
 * <Freeman_MPK>	And in the other timeline... Anakin's mother has some lady named Taylor (is that a gender-neutral name?) appear to help her raise Anakin.
 * <Goodwood>	Which is no sillier than the "fate of the free world" resting on a game of baccarat or Texas Hold'em.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Oh-HO! Plot twist! Taylor's a villain! She knocks Shmi out with her head!
 * <Goodwood>	lmfao
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Meanwhile in the present, Luke Skywalker is trying to enlist the help of a woman named Tracy.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Presumably this is the same Tracy who took the place of Brock in the Pokemon animated series.
 * <ITCO>	Tracy Sketcher or something.
 * <ITCO>	Sketchit*
 * <Ataru>	Hmm, gotta run.
 * <Ataru>	Goodwood: We'll talk later about AMW2JC

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 * <Goodwood>	Riiiiiiiiiiiiight.
 * <Goodwood>	Feh.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	What's AMW2JC?
 * <ITCO>	A Marine Went to Jedi Camp
 * <Goodwood>	A Marine Went to Jedi Camp.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Ah.

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 * <Goodwood>	The second story in the Laera Reyolé series.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	It's part of a series?
 * <Goodwood>	Yes.

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 * <Goodwood>	http://swfanon.wikia.com/wiki/Tales_from_the_Corps_series

Part II: Tangent



 * <Freeman_MPK>	Well I'm skipping ahead a bit. It looks like Taylor and the others stole the kid Anakin, and Shmi's wandering in the desert. A guy named Aragragor, who I think the bad girls are working for, appears to her and says that he wants her to "give [him] the Force." Damn tall order, I say.
 * <Goodwood>	lawl
 * <Goodwood>	I wonder why no one's made a Star Wars game on the Source engine.
 * <Goodwood>	It would have been so much better for Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy than the Quake III engine.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Yeah, or something
 * <Goodwood>	Oh, right, JK:JA came out before Half-Life 2.
 * <Goodwood>	IIRC.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	But not before Half-Life 1, did it?
 * <Goodwood>	Hell no.
 * <Goodwood>	HL1 came out in '97 or '98.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Well a game like that would be way better than Quake 3 Engine.
 * <Goodwood>	Yeah.
 * <Goodwood>	Ah well, there are better engines coming out anyway.
 * <Goodwood>	Particularly for flight-sims.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I hear than in Half-Life 1, enemies with guns may strafe, or run away from you, or flank you, or even throw grenades around corners instead of just standing still like a bunch of schmucks.
 * <Goodwood>	Storm of War: Battle of Britain will make CoD:MW2 look like CoD2.
 * <Goodwood>	You are correct, MPK.
 * <Goodwood>	Same in HL2.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I myself'd be ready for another SW fighter game
 * <Goodwood>	Oh fuck yeah.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	And none of this arcadey BS like with the Rogue Squadron series
 * <Goodwood>	Or the Battlefront series.
 * <Goodwood>	We need a serious Star Wars starfighter sim.
 * <ITCO>	Battlefront owns.
 * <Goodwood>	LFL, take notes!
 * <Freeman_MPK>	ITCO, if you like Battlefront, drop it and get Battlefield 2.
 * <ITCO>	I don't play the Battlefronts anymore.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Even better
 * <ITCO>	My PS3 isn't compatible.
 * <ITCO>	And I play KotOR on PC
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Really, in retrospect I don't get why Battlefront got so damn popular.
 * <ITCO>	It is awesome.
 * <Goodwood>	It's okay.
 * <Goodwood>	It could have been so much more.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	It's a watered-down "meh" version of Battlefield.
 * <ITCO>	Battlefield is one of those tired WWII games correct?
 * <Goodwood>	No, Battlefield 2 is modern warfare.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Don't know baout the first one, only Battlefield 2
 * <Goodwood>	The first one and its expansions were WWII. Then there was Battlefield Vietnam.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	All I know is I played Battlefront and Battlefront 2, and then Battlefield 2, and found it to be virtually the same gameplay, but much better balanced with no solo-run-and-gun nonsense.
 * <Goodwood>	"Teamwork? What's that?"
 * <ITCO>	Battlefront I is supposed to be better than II Freeman.
 * <ITCO>	Oh wait.
 * <Goodwood>	Feh.
 * <ITCO>	Misread the comment.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Also, on fighter game comparison: In Rogue Squadron 2 and 3, the battle is six-thousand dimwit TIE Fighters against your one made-of-iron fighter. In X-Wing, it's you and your wingmen against another group of a few more TIEs than you.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	In Rogue Squadron 1 it's different though; in that game, the battle is you going in and dying instantly from Imperial missile turrets :p
 * <Goodwood>	http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhufrnT4818&playnext_from=TL&videos=HAhSVZCIN2E&feature=grec_index
 * <Goodwood>	Epic win^^

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 * <Freeman_MPK>	Continuing my skimming of this magnificent piece of prose...
 * <Goodwood>	http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsyumFTuukc&NR=1
 * <Goodwood>	ohai Solus.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I think at least four more lesbians have been introduced since part 3.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	ohai
 * <Solus|Cheese>	Just looking for Ataru, he asked me something. It appears he's not here.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	It just occurred to me that this writer has Luke Skywalker alive and on Jedi adventures 11 years in the past...
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Hiez Solus.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I'm skimming through a fanfic found here on SWFanon.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	One of the most distinguished candidates in the Short Story Contest, I'm told.
 * <ITCO>	He left like ten minutes before you got here.
 * <ITCO>	He may still be skimming SWF.
 * <ITCO>	Well 30 mins.*
 * <Solus|Cheese>	:p
 * <ITCO>	Oh and you missed the idiot yesterday.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	Well, I have to go, I just wanted to ask him a quick question. Sorry!
 * <Solus|Cheese>	BYEZ!
 * <ITCO>	He is gone for a month.
 * <ITCO>	Bye
 * <Solus|Cheese>	I'll be back tonight. ;)
 * <Solus|Cheese>	srsly?
 * <Solus|Cheese>	;-;
 * <Solus|Cheese>:
 * <ITCO>	Yeah.

|<--	Solus|Cheese has left freenode
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Skipped forward to Part 7... How is Luke Skywalker having Jedi adventures in the year 30 BBY, and Shmi is doing... Whatever the hell she's doing in 41 BBY?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Well, anyway, by Part 4, Shmi seems to be working for the lesbians now, and they've just retrieved a MacGuffin called the Force of Living Dead.. Oh, I see why. It's because they're holding her kid Anakin hostage.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	And the lesbians are either led by or travel in the company of a Sith named Darth Kuzal. I'm just gonna call their entire little group the Cement Mixers.

=-=	Brandon_Rhea|bbl is now known as Brandon_Rhea	  
 * <Freeman_MPK>	One of the Cement Mixers, a person named Charlotte, is telling a story about... Something she did.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Apparently she was in a deal with... Someone to do... Something, and the guy got killed by "a secret company" and she got framed for the murder.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	And, holy Fuck.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	This story has UFOs in it.
 * <Goodwood>	XD
 * <Freeman_MPK>	After the man she was working with was killed by a secret company, Charlotte kept being on the run, getting captured by the police and escaping over and over.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	During one of these episodes.....
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Eventually I found a UFO and I was rescued."
 * <Goodwood>	XD
 * <Freeman_MPK>	But she says someone was always watching her during these escape attempts and was "indirectly" helping her.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I can't believe Ataru says that this story has no plot.
 * <Goodwood>	He also said that A Marine Went to Jedi Camp had no plot.
 * <Goodwood>	So :P at him.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	And there's another part of this plot that doesn't make complete sense to me...
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Also I was pointed by the police many times, but I escaped via tunnels, secret areas. Even I’ve been broken in a prison, so that people could never found me. I was escaping and escaping. [...] Escaping was an obsession for me. One time I had a gun and mostly pulled the trigger on my head. I hate the life. But in the middle of the escape I got caught by an agent. He pointed a gun and me....
 * <Freeman_MPK>	...I thought I was being shot, but he was killed by someone. "
 * <Goodwood>	lmfao
 * <Goodwood>	Epic word salad.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	It ain 't word salad,but granted it is close.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Is Charlotte saying she used to break into prisons so people wouldn't look for her there..?
 * <Goodwood>	Problem with your space bar?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	No, just problem with my typing.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	And then during an escape, she is about to shoot herself in the head... When an Agent appeared and was about to kill her, but after someone unknown killed him she changed his mind?..
 * <Goodwood>	lol
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I'll bet it was Agent Smith from The Matrix
 * <Goodwood>	He's dead.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Woah, fuck, I just looked back two paragraphs and figured something new out. This story is like a mystery!
 * <Freeman_MPK>	The guy who got killed that she was "working with?" That was Charlotte's husband.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Whom she met on planet fucking Earth.
 * <Goodwood>	hahahaha
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Charlotte is telling all this to the other Cement Mixers and to Shmi, for some reason, and then... Oh I just glanced up ahead and I think we've got a mindfuck incoming.
 * <Goodwood>	HIT THE DECK!
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"All those times, I got letters with your name on it Shimi. After my major escape, I was focus myself on you." --- So she was getting letters from Shmi, allegedly... Did Shmi actually write them? Who did!? What did they say!?!!
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"I have no life anymore. It’s all taken from me said Charlotte. I had a life, since my husband was killed anymore. 1 year escaping is the worst thing that could be. They couldn’t find me, because there were always were sent letters about you. When I saw your name I got scared that I could never make it. I didn’t slap that good. It was really worse."
 * <Goodwood>	roflmfao
 * <Freeman_MPK>	So because she got letters from "Shmi",she got obsessed with her, sort of like Kyle Reese becoming obsessed with Sarah Connor because he had a photograph of her before he went back through time.
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	Shimi.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Also, what the fuck does "I didn't slap that good" mean?
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	It's spelled Shimi ;)
 * <Goodwood>	ohai Bacon.
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	I believe that means bad sex.
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	But maybe that's just me. :P
 * <Goodwood>	ANGRY SEX!
 * <ITCO>	Well the "sl" needs to be replaced with a "t".
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Shimi, my bad.
 * <Goodwood>	Only males can tap.
 * <Goodwood>	Females are the ones that get tapped.
 * <ITCO>	I didn't know the female was talking there.
 * <ITCO>	They usually aren't the ones to say things like that.
 * <Goodwood>	Well, unless you know any guys named Charlotte...
 * <ITCO>	There could be.
 * <ITCO>	Ever hear that Johny Cash song about a boy given a girl's name?

*'' Goodwood facepalms. ''
 * <ITCO>	Johnny*
 * <ITCO>	"A boy named Sue"- Johnny Cash.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Ca$h.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	BRB
 * <Goodwood>	atheist meeting
 * <ITCO>	NRA meeting, even though he is a sub-machine gun.

|<--	Brandon_Rhea has left freenode (Ping timeout: 265 seconds)	   |<--	LO|Away has left freenode (Ping timeout: 265 seconds)	  
 * <ITCO>	PING!
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Back.
 * <ITCO>	Kids WB
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Back to Charlotte's monologue.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"You have a good life Shimi. You’re angry at a person who always has trying to help you that The Other Real Shimi didn’t get died. "
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Therein lies the mindfuck. There are TWO Shimis?!!
 * <ITCO>	And that didn't get died!
 * <ITCO>	There is a pardoxical comment.

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 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Charlotte looked into the mirror. Nobody ever carried about me."
 * <ITCO>	Shimi isn't supposed to know about her other self.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Lol, Back to the Future
 * <ITCO>	XD
 * <ITCO>	There are now two of you here, and there are now two of me here.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	After Charlotte is sad about not being carried about, everyone else goes to bed except her and Shimi.
 * <ITCO>	The other you is with the Emmitt Brown from 1955.
 * <ITCO>	lol MPK
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"I’m going into the swimming pool, thinking about the day I lost everything said Charlotte.", who is extremely blunt about her emo-ness.
 * <ITCO>	emo-ness?
 * <ITCO>	That is a Star Wars thing too?
 * <ITCO>	Counter-culture?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	In fanfic it is.
 * <ITCO>	lol
 * <Freeman_MPK>	K, here's another mindfuck, but more a mindfuck about the author's tastes than a sudden plot twist.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I couldn't fucking make this up. Charlotte is followed in by Shimi, and she angsts very briefly (because everything in this story is brief) about her dark and troubled (gag) past, and the two make out.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Evidently the author finds Shimi sexually attractive, which I find mystifying, to say the least.
 * <ITCO>	XD
 * <ITCO>	What is with the lesbian stuff?
 * <ITCO>	How is there a future with no repriduction?
 * <ITCO>	How'd it last 25,000 years?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Who cares about that? I wanna know why Shimi is involved in it. Then again, no I don't.
 * <ITCO>	This is trollification
 * <ITCO>	No way real.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Yeah, I can't believe Brandon's so stoic about this. He's as uptight as a telephone pole.
 * <ITCO>	XD
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Next paragraph after that touching scene: "Later were the two sleeping together. Warning! Warning! Shimi and Charlotte woke together up."
 * <ITCO>	lol
 * <ITCO>	Hey what is that tag for excessive sexuality?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I don't know what the fuck the "Warning! Warning!" is. It's probably a late reminder for readers who haven't brought their own brain bleech.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Technically it's just making out, and off-screen/implied/extremely beige-prosed sex, which I don't think would qualify.
 * <ITCO>	lmfao
 * <Freeman_MPK>	But I do have a template for that on this page: http://swfanon.wikia.com/wiki/User:MPK/The_Worst_Story_Ever_Written_in_the_History_of_the_World
 * <ITCO>	I just want to see it used.
 * <ITCO>	Well I guess the uncivilized one works too.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Anywho, after Charlotte and Shimi woke together up, "What’s the matter? asked Shimi. Anakin escaped there said Tracy. He’s escaped said Claire. They saw him jumping in the desert. Oh my God, my child is dead said Shimi. No, honey we will found him said Charlotte and was kissing the cheeks of Shimi. We will found him and the guy who just me said Charlotte. This is not long over. "
 * <Freeman_MPK>	For great justice.
 * <ITCO>	Actually all of those tags on the top work except the profanity one.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	The profanity one is my personal favorite, probably.
 * <ITCO>	Yeah, 'tis good MPK.
 * <ITCO>	AND LMAO to the prose.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Because Carth is a schutta, and a di'kut.
 * <ITCO>	:D
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Anyway, Part 8. Opens up in the past segment, with Shimi and the Cement Mixers. Shimi is crying because she's afraid of Anakin busting out of the prison or whatever that they were holding him in.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Here's another gem: "It’s hard to understand, that this happened said Charlotte. He escaped, by making a tunnel in the prison with his hands said Tracy."
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Anakin's a fuckin' digging machine.

* ''ITCO chuckles. ''
 * <ITCO>	Shovel hands.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Either that or the prison was made out of sawdust.
 * <ITCO>	Ha
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Oh, my goodness, there;s an action sequence after that that made me REALLY laugh out loud for real
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"But then out of nothing, the ship was shaking. Who’s that? asked Claire. That’s somebody who wants to kill us said Shimi. Charlotte looked into the four-mirror. Shoot said Charlotte to Claire. "
 * <Freeman_MPK>	And sure enough, like any skilled woman, "Claire was shooting. Good girl said Tracy."
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"But then the door opened." - ...Wait, wasn't their ship being shot at or...?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	And the villain makes his entrance: "Hello girls, my name is Captain Streamy. Oliver Streamy. And you’re all going to die said Oliver." - The Cement Mixers look to be in trouble, because all their base are belong to him and they have no chance to survive.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Also, I just googled "Oliver Fucking Streamy" without the "Fucking", and SWFanon was the first page that came up. :p
 * <ITCO>	lol
 * <ITCO>	XD
 * <ITCO>	Oliver Streamy Mc Dreamy
 * <Freeman_MPK>	But they are saved, because "Charlotte was taking a glass and smashed it to Oliver’s head."
 * <ITCO>	Helllo my name is Oliver Streamy and we are all gonna die!
 * <ITCO>	Get to the CHOPPA!
 * <Freeman_MPK>	After that, Shimi says they have to escape for some reason, so they jump out of the ship, presumably they're in a planet's atmosphere.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Tracy, Shimi and Charlotte landed on a mountain. Charlotte felt from the mountain, hundred meters down. Tracy and Shimi jumped together."
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Charlotte's such a ho, feelin' up that mountain while she's in a relationship with Shimi.
 * <ITCO>	lol
 * <LO|Away>	http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HU2ftCitvyQ
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Tracy and Shimi are together, though, and remark that it's freezing where they are. They aren't sure if Charlotte's alive, so they walk around "on the other place of this" to find her.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	As an afterthought, the author has them mention that they're on "Snopan. A very cold planet said Shimi. You can freeze her to dead in a hour."
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Meanwhile, "at an unknown place", "Claire and Darth Kuzal were at a rock." "Darth Kuzal felt on the ground. I’ve got pain said Darth Kuzal. I’m bleeding to death said Darth Kuzal."
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Okay,I'm back to skimming for a bit, I'm sick of Shimi and the Cement Mixers. I wanna knowif Luke has found the Card yet!
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Long story short, the Cement Mixers get to shelter somewhere with some two people named Rebecca Boobs and Juliet Bronson.

Part III: Won't Get Fooled Again



 * <Freeman_MPK>	Back in the Future, Luke Skywalker and..... Who the fuck is Tommy Furtus?
 * <ITCO>	New guy
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Well, Luke and Tom are looking for someone else named Nathan Cress.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Ah-ha! The plot thickens! Nathan has the card! He proposes: "Let’s we fight as man and who dies, will not getting the card. Are we clear?" "Of course said Luke. Well let’s fight said Nathan."

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 * <Freeman_MPK>	Luke's frankly pretty OOC, so willing to fight people in this fic.

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 * <LO|Away>	Is English this person's first language?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	They fight, and Luke asks him where Tommy is (Tommy disappeared in the last paragraph, by which I mean he disappears from the narrative and Luke asks Where are you Tommy).

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 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Who the hell is Tommy? asked Nathan.", which is just one of the things I wanna know.
 * <LO|Away>	Tommy, can you hear me?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Luke accuses Nathan of killing Tommy. Luke gets angry. "Luke killed Nathan and was taking the card. Sorry Nathan, but dying on Tatooine is your place said Luke and was taking the card. "
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Luke is a douchebag.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Ok, this paragraph I have to put here in full.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Luke walked back and saw that the doors were locked. Tommy open the doors. Tommy! said Luke. Luke looked above him and saw a trap."
 * <Freeman_MPK>	And then suddenly it mentions "Luke was walking upstairs."

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 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Luke jumped and saw a death Tommy in the bushes. Let’s God being with you said Luke. Luke looked at Tommy and saw a little paper. He was taking the paper."
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I don't know what the fuck is going on.
 * <LO|Away>	http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8tR2qKrWyg
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Half-Life Full Life COnsequences is easier to picture than this.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Lol
 * <Freeman_MPK>	The WHo rocks.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	But this paragraph's ending is epic.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Because as Luke was taking the paper, "RAZOTI! said Luke."
 * <LO|Away>	???
 * <Freeman_MPK>	All I can get is that "RAZOTI!" is the last name of somebody with a facebook account.
 * <LO|Away>	YAHTZEE!

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 * <ITCO>	back
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Ok, back in the past, "Charlotte woke up. You have been death for a few hours said the woman."
 * <ITCO>	Pure Pazaak
 * <LO|Away>	She wad Death?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Two more lesbians are introduced, and Charlotte makes out with one of them, and with the line "Shall we? asked Charlotte to the girls." implies that they have a threesome.
 * <ITCO>	Sounds like this guy is trying to do LOST
 * <ITCO>	That is retarded.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	It is, because half of the characters in the past are LOST on a fucking mountain. Incidentally, at that mountain, Shimi and Tracy (ambiguous gender, since I still think he/she is Tracy from Pokemon) are making out as well, because everyone int he past is a whore.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	But then........... "Tracy looked and saw Charlotte coming back. Hello girls said Charlotte. I died said Charlotte. "
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Meanwhile somewhere Darth Kuzal, who last we saw was in hospital care of Rebecca Boobs after he felt on the ground, is healed.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Blah blah blah blah blah, I gota stop reading the whole paragraphs
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Woah, holy shit!
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Tracy, Charlotte and Shimi were looking at the bushes. [...] Oliver Streamy came out of the bushes with his men. Finally! said Oliver. Take them to my ship said Oliver."
 * <Freeman_MPK>	They are captures!!! :(
 * <ITCO>	lol
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Back at where Rebecca Boobs, the other bitch, and Darth Kuzal are at, a man named...... Hector Pain..?.... appears and attacks them.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Claire and Darth Kuzal looked shocked."
 * <ITCO>	:O
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Meanwhile, back in the FAR more interesting future, Luke's escaping.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Luke talks to himself as he is "runnin further", in order to keep his head clear about his new objectives, now that he has the card: "Luke was runnin further. I have to go to Mary Cortell said Luke. I hope I don’t am to late there said Luke."
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Is Mary Cortell a person?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Luke jumped above a cave and saw a company."
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Hello Mary Cortell said a woman. The deal is the deal said Mary. I want Skywalker and then we’ve got him said Mary. Luke shouldn’t being that hard to find said the woman. Yes, Catherine. You’re right. He can’t being that far. Do you know that he did escaped from Alice McTale and Sarah Porter? asked Catherine. Yes, I heard it said Mary. If you deal with it then you get what you want said Mary.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I don't know who any of these people are. I probably skipped over them.
 * <ITCO>	Heh
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Meanwhile.... "At a company", Charlotte is "walking into the company." She is talking to "the woman" about some new statics they have. "You know Mrs. Boobs you have made 10% more money. Is that good? asked Charlotte. Very good, I hope we will get more money said Rebecca. "
 * <Freeman_MPK>	First of all, "Mrs. Boobs"? Who is she married to?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Second, have the two times suddenly merged somehow? How is Charlotte in the future?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Oh my fucking... My brain is collapsing.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Back in the past, "Oliver looked out the window. Finally I get my chance. Tracy was getting out of the handcuffs and attacked Oliver who felt on the ground. Shimi and Charlotte were attacking Oliver to and the ship was going down. Oliver felt out the ship. No! screamed Oliver. "
 * <LO|Away>	I'm Mr. Boobs
 * <Freeman_MPK>	So Oliver is attacked by his prisoners who were shittily handcuffed and that somehow crashes the ship.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	And then by some ridiculous coincidence "The ship was landing on the place where Claire and Darth Kuzal were."
 * <Freeman_MPK>	This distrafts Hector, who looks at Kuzal and Claire, which is odd because he shold be looking at the ship. Then "A shot was being heard. Hector felt on the ground", shot by Charlotte. "Arrest them, so they could being in prison said Charlotte. "
 * <ITCO>	It is the nexus of the space-time continuum or a mere coincidence.
 * <ITCO>	Either way it is unclear.
 * <ITCO>	And nuclear.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I actually think it is a nexus that all of space-time goes through like water through a pipe, because from here on out the story starts to lose its coherency.
 * <LO|Away>	Hector is having an affair with the ground
 * <ITCO>	heh
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Back in the Future, Luke talks to Mary, who gives him a card without a fight, and he is on his way.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Then it goes to Part 10, which opens in the past.
 * <ITCO>	This is frying my brain
 * <Freeman_MPK>	At a company..... It looks like it's suddenly changing into a journal because the first words are "Hello my name is Hector Pain."
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Hector's past self, I guess.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	In the past, Hector has come "here", wherever that is, to look for Tracy and "Miles Wilson", a character mentioned only about two or three times prior to this point, and identified as the "boss of Tatooine".
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"They are upstairs to the right sir said the receptionist. OK! said Hector."
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I'm guessing this is a hotel... With like, two rooms in it or something.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Hector goes up to them and says "Hello boy and girl said Hector.":<Insert your pedophile joke here> Tracy asks how he's doing (no idea if Tracy and Miles are meant to be kids or not) and Hector tells them about his daughter, Cindy Pain.
 * <ITCO>	hehehe
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Wait a minute, WHAT THE FUCK.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	This is seriously my first time I read this fanfic and things keep TAKING ME COMPLETELY OFF-GUARD
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Casually, Hector engages in chit-chat. He drops a very subtle hint that he wants Tracy to do him a favor. "She works at the Temple Bar 7. It’s her own company and she deserves many money said Hector. She’s 17 years old.Tracy, could you try to kiss her? "
 * <Freeman_MPK>	He tells her he wants that because "She [Tracy] thinks she's a lesbian."

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 * <Freeman_MPK>	iM BACK.

Part IV: Judgement Day

 * <Freeman_MPK>	Im BACK
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Where was I!?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Is anyone there?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	ECHO
 * <Freeman_MPK>	\markov Xim sleeps!

[INFO]	Ping reply from Freeman_MPK in 1.02 seconds.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	\seen Freeman_MPK
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Come on!
 * <Freeman_MPK>	A performer must have an audience!
 * <ITCO>	Heh
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Oh
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Thank goodness
 * <ITCO>	lol
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Back to the story.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Tracy seems surprisingly cool with the idea of being pimped out by Hector Pain, who sounds like a cereal killer, to his daughter.
 * <ITCO>	XD

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 * <Freeman_MPK>	But when Tracy asks him what happens if Cindy falls in love with her afterward (I couldn't make this up), he just says "Then I have a daughter-in-law instead of a son-in-law. You’re my best friend and she has never met you before. Just try it, we will see what happened"
 * <Solus|Cheese>	HI, MPK!!
 * <Solus|Cheese>	??
 * <Solus|Cheese>	Sounds like the reading of awful fanfic! :D
 * <Freeman_MPK>	An awful fanfic found here on SWFanon, no less.
 * <Solus|Cheese>:
 * <Solus|Cheese>	Sturgeon's Law. Never fails.
 * <ITCO>	Boy, the males in that galaxy are screwed.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Solus, you kinda missed most of my synopsis of Star Wars: The Real Empire. If you want I can put it on a subpage of my Userpage somewhere after I'm done here.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	In either case, I'll continue here as I am.
 * <ITCO>	Go ahead Brother darkness.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	Sweet. I'd love to!
 * <Solus|Cheese>	:DD
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Ok, well Tracy asks if Cindy Pain, Hector Cain's daughter, has a boyfriend, he says "No and she’s just looking what her feelings are said Hector."
 * <Freeman_MPK>	By the way, there are absolutely no quotation marks in this entire story.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	After that, Tracy agrees and Hector literally says "That's cool"
 * <ITCO>	heh
 * <Freeman_MPK>	And then Tracy says goodnight, indicating that the plan for her to experimentally make out with Cindy would be set in motion the following day.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	But then the scene changes and I'll be surprised if it's revisited.
 * <ITCO>	My god.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	So this conversation between Hector Pain and Tracy means two things.
 * <ITCO>	?
 * <Solus|Cheese>	?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	One, Tracy, whom I firmly believe to be Tracy Sketchit from Pokemon, has gotten a gender swap and is now a female.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	I don't know how you managed to decipher that among all the rubbish. You truly are The One.

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 * <Freeman_MPK>	And two, Tracy is a teenager, likely approximately Cindy's age, which makes it seem odd that Hector said "Hello boy and girl" when he greets her and Miles.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Incidentally, Miles has been standing there doing jack during this while exchange.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	*whole
 * <ITCO>	lol
 * <Freeman_MPK>	The scene changes to "Rebecca's company".
 * <Freeman_MPK>	For the uninformed, her full name in this fanfic is "Rebecca Boobs".
 * <Freeman_MPK>	And Brandon Rhea thinks this was intended to be a serious fanfic.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	._.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Anywho, "Charlotte came back with a rose."
 * <LO|Away>	Boobs
 * <Freeman_MPK>	(Back from where?)
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Hello beauty said Charlotte and gave Rebecca a rose."
 * <LO|Away>	Boobs
 * <Goodwood>	ohai Wylind, Solus|Cheese, Freeman_MPK.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Charlotte gave Rebacca a completely different rose from the one she brought back from somewhere.
 * <LO|Away>	ohai boobs
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Hi goodwood.
 * <Goodwood>	lmfao
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Anyway, yeah, we get another sex scene beiger than my grandmother's rug.
 * <ITCO>	He is prebubescent that watches too much porn.
 * <Goodwood>	lmfao
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Rebecca and Charlotte were going into a closet", even though they presumably have a bed somewhere, or at least a couch.
 * <Wylind>	What the hell did I just walk into?
 * <LO|Away>	I don't want to know about your grandma's carpeting

* Wylind backs away slowly.
 * <Goodwood>	lmfao LO
 * <Freeman_MPK>	A synopsis of Star Wars: The Real Empire, a story here on SWFanon. A distinguished candidate in the Short Story contest, I'm told.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Anyway, "Rebecca start kissing Charlotte and was taking out her clothes", which reveals that this isn't a sex scene at all, just them taking clothes out of the closet while coincidentally snogging each other at the same time.
 * <Goodwood>	XD
 * <Goodwood>	Yay for snogging.
 * <Wylind>	Oh yeah. I'm nominated up against The Real Empire
 * <ITCO>	Girl on girl snogging
 * <Wylind>	You know, if you really hate the story that much, you could just vote for mine to prove it. :P
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Actually, I love this story.
 * <Wylind>	O_o
 * <Wylind>	Somebody shoot him.

* ITCO singing to TRE.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Its the Half Life Full Life Consequences of Star Wars. It's hilarious.
 * <ITCO>	You are just too good to be true.
 * <ITCO>	Can't take my eyes off of you!
 * <Freeman_MPK>	And I cant vote for anything in the contest that I haven't read :p
 * <Solus|Cheese>	lulz
 * <Wylind>	Freeman_MPK: Then read it.
 * <Goodwood>	Freeman, you should just make a YouTube video about it.
 * <Wylind>	But for the love of God, don't even joke about liking The Real Empire.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Already I am kicking around the idea of a dramatic reading. Maybe I'll get my bro involved.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	And then................John was a zombeh.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Wylind: Ill try to read your story if I have time.
 * <Wylind>	XD
 * <Solus|Cheese>	That would be made of win.
 * <Goodwood>	XD
 * <Goodwood>	bunneh
 * <Solus|Cheese>	A dramatic reading would be so awesome.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	DOO EET
 * <Freeman_MPK>	But stories like this, that are so terrible that THEY ARE AWESOME, take priority over better-written ones.
 * <Goodwood>	Indeed, Solus. And he should do it to video.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I wouldnt be comfortable with SWFanon knowing what my face looks like. If it is a video thenIll make myself a Rorschach mask or something.
 * <Wylind>	Freeman_MPK: Have you done YouTube videos on fanfics before?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Nope.
 * <Goodwood>	Freeman_MPK: Just record it to audio and set it to some kind of Garry's Mod video footage.
 * <Wylind>	Rorschach is awesome, btw.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	Don't show your face.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I don't got Garry's mod.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	Just show something else. Or text. Or random pics.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	Or something.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Solus: That's the idea.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	You don't have to show your face if you're not comfortable with it.
 * <Goodwood>	Or vids of women making out.
 * <Wylind>	Solus|Cheese: You work for the Secret Service or something?
 * <Solus|Cheese>	Meeeeeee?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	So many good ideas, I'll totally save this conversation.

=-=	Wylind is now known as Wylind|BBL	  
 * <Freeman_MPK>	ANYWAY, we gotta get back to the lesbian closet-cleaning scene or we'll never finish.
 * <Goodwood>	XD
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I love this line here. It says three things that are spectacular: "Do you know how much I love you? asked Charlotte. No, but this is everyday awesome. Even my husband doesn’t know it said Charlotte."
 * <Solus|Cheese>	wut
 * <Wylind|BBL>	XD
 * <Freeman_MPK>	EL NUMERO UNO: Charlotte says cleaning a closet is everyday awesome.
 * <ITCO>	Even her husband don't know.

* Goodwood cracks up...
 * <Freeman_MPK>	EL NUMERO DOS: Charlotte is cheating on a husband whom she deliberately married even though she's a lesbian, so she's a sociopath and a bitch.
 * <Goodwood>	Two words: bi sexual
 * <Freeman_MPK>	No, she's a lesbian. And Bisexual is one word.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	lol
 * <Solus|Cheese>	l00z3r
 * <Goodwood>	I know, MPK. That was the joke.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
 * <Goodwood>	Well, when do I ever intentionally make such grammatical and syntax errors?
 * <Goodwood>	Answer: Only when I'm making an ironic comment or some kind of joke.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Sorry, didn't know that

* Goodwood is srs author.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Figured that since it's an IRC channel it aint big deal but I gotta get back to the scene with the hot closet-cleaning action.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	lol
 * <Freeman_MPK>	EL NUMERO TRES: Look very closely at that line. Charlotte says something... And then she says something else. She's fucking talking to herself.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	She's cheating on her husband with herself.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Either that or Rebecca is cool with dating a split personality.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Which is probably the case because she chimes in "I know and that’s the hottest thing ever said Rebecca while kissing Charlotte. "
 * <LO|Away>	Boobs
 * <Solus|Cheese>	How do you talk while....Oh, nevermind....
 * <Goodwood>	XD
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Things aren't all rosy for them, though. Immediately there's trouble.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Suddenly....
 * <Freeman_MPK>	WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!!!! It was Dumbledore!
 * <Solus|Cheese>	WAT
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Bonus points to whoever gets that reference.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	What really happens is similar but different.
 * <Wylind|BBL>	Dumbledore is gay.
 * <LO|Away>	yup
 * <Goodwood>	lmao
 * <Goodwood>	Yes, he is.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Hello there? asked a woman", likely as a reference to Obi-Wan Kenobi as she appears randomly nearby.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Which begs the question, where the fuck are they?
 * <Goodwood>	On the Death Star, obviously.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"The woman opened the door and saw Rebecca and Charlotte. What are you doing? asked the woman. My name is Elisabeth Prescott."
 * <Solus|Cheese>	Wouldn't it be obvious...?
 * <Solus|Cheese>	I mean...srsly?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Well the author can't decide whether they're having sex or cleaning out the closet.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	Ah.
 * <ITCO>	Why would she bother to say her name afterward.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	But still, wouldn't either one be obvious?
 * <Solus|Cheese>	That's minor considering everything else in that line.
 * <Goodwood>	Why are you people asking sensible questions about a nonsensical story?
 * <Goodwood>	That's the bigger mystery right there.

* ''Wylind|BBL thinks this entire convo is pointless. ''
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Wylind, grow a sense of humor.

* ''Goodwoodwas playing CoD:MW2 for most of it. ''
 * <ITCO>	Watching Lebron suck ass

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 * <LO|Away>	Maybe "cleaning out the closet " is a metaphor.
 * <Goodwood>	ohai Brandon_Rhea.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	This story is so bad it's awesomely good.
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	Ohai
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Hi Brandon.
 * <Wylind|BBL>	"Coming out of the closet" = "cleaning out the closet" Secret clues?
 * <Solus|Cheese>	hiezzz....
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	Eminem?
 * <Solus|Cheese>	I doubt the author is capable of such subtlety.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Anyway, where was I?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	BTW Brandon, in case you're wondering, I'm giving a synopsis of sorts of Star Wars: The Real Empire. This entire conversation will be readable on a user subpage of mine later on.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Anyway, Elisabeth is shocked to find the two taking clothes out of the closet.
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	Alrighty
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Are you serious? asked Elisabeth. I wanna get money in order to not reveal your secret. Every month € 1.000 on my bank."
 * <Goodwood>	lmfao
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I laughed out loud when she specified 1,000 Euroes per month.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	XD
 * <LO|Away>	That looks like 1 Euro
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Oh, shit
 * <LO|Away>	:P
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Good call man, good call
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Lis has more demands, though: "But then I wanna do it with you both girls every month to said Elisabeth."
 * <Freeman_MPK>	This is wrong on a number of levels, but of course all parties are in agreement that it's acceptable.

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 * <Goodwood>	Hello Toprawa.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Who's Toprawa?
 * <ITCO>	Wookiee guy
 * <Goodwood>	Darth_Burger, a.k.a. Toprawa and Ralltiir, is a Wookiepedia administrator.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Oh.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	HIEZ
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Greetings.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Well, Solus and company, I'm almost done relating this horrible story, and frankly I'm not sure if my brain will ever recover.

[INFO]	There is nothing to tab-complete. Use F6 to cycle through the user list, input box and the chat output.
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	You've recovered from worse.
 * <Goodwood>	Bah.
 * <Goodwood>	I has seen teh fnords.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	:p
 * <Freeman_MPK>	After the above episode of madness, more ensues. Blah blah blah, I have to go faster through this. Elis goes home and tells some bitch at home named Jennifer (may be a character from previous part of the story but I don't give a shit anymore) to wash the car... I didn't know Star Wars had cars.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I think the following lines speak for themselves because I can't:
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Jennifer was cleaning the car in bikini. Some guys were looking. Where are you looking at? asked Elisabeth. At that girl said a boy. The cops were already coming. This is illegal said the boys. The boys were taken. Good job of you said Elisabeth while kissing the cheek of Jennifer. Elisabeth was taking Jennifer in her home and closed the door. "
 * <Wylind|BBL>	...

* Wylind|BBL dies.

Part V: The Finale



 * <Freeman_MPK>	The last section of Part 10 is about Rebecca Boobs and basically it has two more lesbians introduced (I think more than half of this "story's" characters are lesbians), and that's the end of it, which leads us into the home stretch.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Part 11 is a real mindfuck, I can tell, just from skimming it.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	wut
 * <Freeman_MPK>	It's split into three sections: "Other Timeline", "Original Timeline", and "Normal Timeline". That's a mindfuck in itself.
 * <Wylind|BBL>	"Mindfuck?"
 * <Wylind|BBL>	Good one
 * <Solus|Cheese>	._.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	wow.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I'm gonna just try and power-parkour through Part 11.... (Deep breath) OTHER TIMELINE SUMMARY: Juliet (whoever the fuck that is) and Rebecca Boobs get arrested for something by some people. THey talk to Charlotte, who appears randomly in WHEREVER they are, and I can't make any fucking sense out of it whatsoever.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	As if this thing was decipherable already without split timelines...
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"if you help us to escape, we reveal to you, who your master is and you can finally kill your master, Charlotte. And if you don’t fail, what do you want to do then? asked Charlotte. We both wanna have sex with you said Rebecca. Do you agree? asked Juliet. Yes, I do agree with you said Charlotte. And how can I plan this escape? asked Charlotte. Bring Rose Murphin with you said Juliet. Attack...
 * <Freeman_MPK>	...your friends and we can help you said Juliet. We love you said Juliet and Rebecca. Think about it Charlotte."
 * <ITCO>	It is what would happen if LOST sucked.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I think this might kill me, too, not just Wylind.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Part 11 even seems almost like some kind of perverted, twisted kind of epilogue merged with an alternate endings thing. It is positively diabolical.
 * <Wylind|BBL>	How long is this damn story?
 * <Goodwood>	Twelve feet, seven inches.
 * <Wylind|BBL>	XD
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I don't know but it's close to done. I'll do a word count later.
 * <Wylind|BBL>	There's like two lines per chapter. Wtf?
 * <Solus|Cheese>	lol
 * <Freeman_MPK>	ORIGINAL TIMELINE SUMMARY: Charlotte goes for a walk. She "walked a little bit further and smashed to another girl." The girl says her name is "Alice McTale", who is someone from earlier in the story. She made one of the cards, the Macguffins Luke is looking for in the future (don't fucking ask).
 * <LO|Away>	What are these cards
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Things that Luke is looking for because his father told him to. There is no other information provided. :p
 * <Freeman_MPK>	For the sake of your sanity, don't ask.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	Why is Luke looking for the cards?
 * <Solus|Cheese>	^-^
 * <Solus|Cheese>	Oh yeah. I went there.
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	aren't they security cards or something?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	The story seems to indicate that they are artifacts of some sort... Possibly meant to be keys.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	But we'll go insane if we probe deeper.
 * <Goodwood>	No, they're magic cards that allow you to play Yu-Force-Oh!
 * <Freeman_MPK>	NORMAL TIMELINE SUMMARY: It opens epically. We're back to Luke's adventure, which is far more interesting than this bullshit with all the Desperate Houswives lesbians. It opens with the line "Luke was looking at the guards and was taking gas out his pocket."
 * <Goodwood>	XD
 * <Freeman_MPK>	This gas knocks out the guards, and what happens with him following this is so awesome that it sounds like a series of Chuck Norris facts: "Luke walked further and saw that he was on the other side. Luke used an alarm to open the doors. Luke was in the doors."
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Talking to himself like he usually does, Luke remarks that he's almost at his destination. "Luke used some technology and the special dead system felt on the ground."
 * <Freeman_MPK>	He kills a special system..? I don't know. All I know is that in this story, "felt on the ground" is used instead of "fell"
 * <LO|Away>	Luke is the doors
 * <Freeman_MPK>	No Luke... You ARE the doors!
 * <Freeman_MPK>	And then Luke was an alarm.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	DUN DUN DUN
 * <LO|Away>	Captian Kirk is climbing a mountain.
 * <Goodwood>	XD
 * <LO|Away>	Why is he climbing the mountain?
 * <ITCO>	To feel it.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	. ..
 * <Freeman_MPK>	To felt it.
 * <ITCO>	That.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	After the special dead system, Luke says "just one thing left", and says Shimi's name, indicating that he's looking for her here in WHEREVER THE FUCKING HELL HE R IS.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	*he
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I should point out here that this is the mindfuck. Luke's adventure is crossing over into the lesbian bullshit with Shimi and Charlotte and the others, with no explanation. Like they all go to one spot in space where time itself is weakened, but my brain is running on emergency power now.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"The vault was open and Luke was taking the cards."
 * <LO|Away>	He says Shmi three times into a mirror
 * <Freeman_MPK>	So I guess Luke finally finds the MacGuffins he needed... Though I could swear he already got THE card, or maybe there were more than one all along, aw fuck it.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Moving on.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	wut
 * <Freeman_MPK>	No, that's not a wut, Solus.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	THIS is a wut: "Finally said Luke. Luke was going back. He looked at Alice and Sarah who were in a tube."
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Sadly, there's another beige-prose sex scene, and even worse it involves Shimi of all fucking people.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	But it does end with: "I love you girls, both of you said Shimi. Luke was walking further. Oh my God said Luke."
 * <Freeman_MPK>	No doubt Luke said that because one of the participants in this madness was his grandma.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	XD
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Okay... Part 12. The final one.
 * <ITCO>	Good.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	It says "Normal Timeline" under it, so it picks up right where we left off with Luke walking in on his grandma having sex with two other people in a tube.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Here I am said Luke. Thank you said Kendra." ............WHO THE FUCK IS KENDRA!?!?!
 * <Wylind|BBL>	The main character from my short story...
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	A former playboy bunny.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Thanks to you, I have finally what I need. Bruce give me the last card said Kendra." - By the Immortal Gods of the Sith! I AM NOT GOING TO MAKE IT. WHO THE FUCK IS BRUCE!!?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	WHY ARE OTHER PEOPLE GIVING KENDRA THE CARDS IF LUKE JUST TOOK THEM ALL OUT OF THE VAULT!?
 * <Goodwood>	Normal view....Normal View....NORMAL VIEW... NORMAAALLLLLL VIIIIEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWOHOHOHOH!!!
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Oh, and it's now time for en epic climactic duel scene.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	ooooo
 * <Solus|Cheese>:
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Bruce gave Kendra the last card. goodbye said Kendra and she did walk away. Bruce was taking his lightsaber and Luke. Fight until death said Kendra and she was going into an elevator."
 * <Freeman_MPK>	For once I do know who somebody is: Bruce is identified much earlier in the story as someone who made one of the cards! And he has a lightsaber, too, so he's probably a Dark Jedi since he's a bad guy.
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	Be back in a minute. Switching computers.

|<--	Brandon_Rhea has left freenode	  
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Bruce and Luke used their lightsabers. It’s time to die said Bruce. Luke attacked Bruce, but Bruce attacked Luke in his body."
 * <Goodwood>	lawl
 * <Goodwood>	Woo, gay sex!
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Oh my God, I’m going to die said Luke."
 * <Solus|Cheese>	. ..
 * <Goodwood>	:P
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Luke taked his lightsaber and attacked Bruce, who felt dead on the ground. "
 * <LO|Away>	He felt dead?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Guess it wasn't that hard a fight then, Wormie. Also, maybe it is a little gay since he FELT dead on the ground.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Alice McTale, Mary Cortell and Sarah Porter came." - THese three people I think are also said to be people responsible for the cards existing but I don't know why Luke just fougbht one of them and another ran away with ARRHGHGHGHG
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"What’s the matter? Is everything alright? asked Alice. Yes, it’s alright said Luke. But Kendra has all the cards said Luke" - Even though LUKE IS THE ONE WHO FUCKING OPENED THE VAULT
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Could you help me? asked Luke. With what? asked Sarah." Because Sarah is fucking stupid.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Meanwhile, "Kendra was in her hotel. Finally all the pieces are together." I'm glad this shit makes sense to somebody.
 * <Wylind|BBL>	XD

=-=	Wylind|BBL is now known as Wylind	  
 * <LO|Away>	She was doing a puzzle
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Oh my God, I have left Darth Vader. Who cares? Somebody knocked on the door. Hello, I’m Felicia Blondgold and this is my friend Tracy Henry said Alice. I have hurt my legs said Alice as Felicia. Come in said Kendra. Alice was walking to Kendra, who opened the door. Thanks said Sarah." -.......this DOES make sense at long last, doesn't it.

-->|	Brandon_Rhea has joined #swfanon
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Then, this will shock you, THERE IS BEIGE-PROSED LESBIAN SEX AGAIN.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Clothes are taken out (presumably of a closet) AGAIN.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Presumably SOMEWHERE ELSE, the fucking PLOT tries to show up. And so does Darth Vader... In a cage.
 * <Wylind>	XD
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	Kinky
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Darth Vader was found in a cage, but he couldn’t say not much. Luke, I’m responsible for this. I have eaten for days. I have to tell you, that I was the master of Charlotte Temple Aragragor." I should mention at this point that... Holy fuck, I'm fucking examining this shit like a scientist and even I don't know what the hell i'm looking at.
 * <ITCO>	XD
 * <ITCO>	When did his father turn into Vader?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	He was Darth Vader at the beginning when he told Luke to look for the cards.
 * <ITCO>	Oh, I thought he was in the past and Vader was Anakin.
 * <Wylind>	Is that the end?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Its article says it was an alternate timeline in which Vader didn't die... Even though the two timelines are 30 BBY (Luke's) and 41 BBY (the others)
 * <Freeman_MPK>	ALMOST.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Technically they're both in the past, but I call Luke's timeline the future.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Anyway, I will mention here that Aragragor is a character from the first half. I think maybe Charlotte worked for him, or maybe he IS Charlotte, or related to her, or SOME damn thing.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	This scene is very touching, you see.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Because Vader has eaten for days, he isn't going to last much longer.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	So we have a scene very clearly inspired by the one from Return of the Jedi.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Speaking of Charlotte Temple Aragragor, whoever the fuck that it, Vader says "She’s in another timeline. You have done what you should done."
 * <Freeman_MPK>	*is
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"I’m very sorry that this happened, and bury my body in the Guardian Room. Go and live further. That were the last words of Darth Vader."
 * <LO|Away>	...
 * <Freeman_MPK>	"Luke was at the place where he should be. Finally we’re going landing. Luke used all the cards at the planet. There’s a sound and……… The End"
 * <Solus|Cheese>	"I'm sorry, but your princess is in another timeline."
 * <Freeman_MPK>	So without a bang, but rather with a whisper, the story is fucking over.\
 * <LO|Away>	FUCK
 * <Freeman_MPK>	That sound I think is the sound of inevitability. It is the sound of my MIND'S DEATH.
 * <ITCO>	Open for...................SEQUEL!
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Oh, NO.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	THIS IS THE FIRST OF A SERIES.
 * <LO|Away>	Goodbye, Mr. Freeman.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	We knew him well...
 * <ITCO>	Oh the humanity.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
 * <Solus|Cheese>	"DO NOT WANT"
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Glory Warrior in Methaphor Dreams

* Wylind kills himself	  
 * <Freeman_MPK>	NO.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	DOES NOT COMPUTE
 * <Freeman_MPK>	DOEAS NO COMUTE!!!
 * <ITCO>	Persuade Rhea that this is a danger to humanity and must be removed.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Ugh...
 * <ITCO>	Or Solus, BURN IT ALL!
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Well, that's the end of The Real Empire. I'm not going to read the sequel with you people tonight.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	I am seriously considering a dramatic reading, though, at some point.
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	There's a sequel ?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Like I said I'll try and browbeat my bro into helping me once he's back in the States.
 * <ITCO>	Ha
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Yeah, GLory Warrior in Metaphor Dreams.
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	...OK then
 * <ITCO>	I think it is going to be a trilogy.
 * <ITCO>	This is only the beginning, he has yet to realize his destructive power.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	According to the template there's gonna be five of them, but only the first two are actually written.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	._.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	The world could not bear such a load of stupidity and pure art.
 * <Wylind>	XD
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Brandon, the only thing I have to say to you is that, having read about half of this, I do not believe there is any significant chance that this is NOT a trollfic.
 * <LO|Away>	Sequels are always a good idea.
 * <Solus|Cheese>	Believe the man. HE READ IT.
 * <LO|Away>	Where's my Matrix 4?
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Its chances of being legitimately bad I think were torpedoed by the introduction of Rebecca Boobs.
 * <LO|Away>	Indy 5
 * <LO|Away>	Dr. Strangelove 2
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Back to the Future Part IV.
 * <ITCO>	Indy 5 could still happen.
 * <ITCO>	Even an Indy 6.
 * <Brandon_Rhea>	Indy 5 is happening.
 * <Wylind>	Dead and gone, dead and gone.

* Goodwood gives Freeman_MPK a gold coin to reward his tremendous efforts.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	This coin I will treasure, always.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Long as I have it I will never be broke.
 * <Wylind>	:D
 * <Solus|Cheese>	Amen.
 * <ITCO>	Unless they find a whole reservoir of gold in some cave.
 * <Wylind>	Just don't felt onto the floor in excitement
 * <Wylind>	XD
 * <Freeman_MPK>	That was ownage
 * <Wylind>	I do believe this whole epic tale now opens up and creates a wide variety puns that can now be used.
 * <Wylind>	That last one was just one of many. :P
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Definitely.
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Well I gotta call it a night bloody soon, and that includes getting off IRC.
 * <Wylind>	BYEZ!
 * <Freeman_MPK>	Everyone, you have my sincerest thanks for listening. I hope you've enjoyed, or at least laughed a little, this madness.
 * <Wylind>	It was epic!