User blog comment:Brandon Rhea/New Short Story: My Mother's Dreams/@comment-31421-20160211181056

Nice work, Brandon. A few quick comments: 1) There's a couple typos on page 4. "I wish I'd know her" and "he was able to forgive their father" (probably should be either our or his) 2) There's some tense confusion near the first page. I feel you should move the first two paragraphs after that break beforehand so all the present tense prose is above it and the section below is in past tense. Then I would change the first sentence after the next break to "A lifetime has passed..." 3) Page 5, "leader of the rebellion" (Rebellion) 4) The last phrase is a little too cheery IMO for the scenario. Does the fact that future belongs to the next generation really make Leia happy, or is she content? Compare: "In this moment, amid all the heartbreak, nothing could make me happier" versus "In this moment, amidst all the heartbreak, I am content/I find that peace enough." Overall, I like it, even though I'm no great fan of NuCanon. It fills in a gap in continuity that isn't really covered in either set of canon, and it does so with well-written pathos. I like it. It's well done, and I don't say that lightly.