Star Wars Fanon:FW/Freedom (short story)

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Freedom
Nominated by:  Atarumaster88   ( Talk page ) 16:59, May 2, 2011 (UTC)

Excerpt
Tak landed badly, bouncing off the ground with the first impact and rolling several times before he crashed into the wall of the ring again. His vision was blurring, and he could barely see clearly past his own hands. Pressing his left hand to his right side where the dragon had hit him, he regretted the decision immediately as a wave of pain and nausea doubled him over. Looking down, he couldn’t even tell which red was his own skin, and which was the flow of blood he felt leaking down his palm and slithering up his forearm.

Smelling the blood on the air – not only Tak’s own, but that of some rowdier patrons who had taken to blows for seats – the krayt roared aloud and thrashed its tail toward its fallen prey. Something in Tak warned him, whispered that to crouch down against the pain for even a second longer would be the end of him and he leapt. His jump carried him impossibly high, two or three meters off the ground, and the krayt’s tail crashed into the wall, breaking it open.

The screams of the dislodged and crushed patrons were distorted in Tak’s ears; he felt he was listening to them from underwater. He landed badly from his jump, and his knees buckled under him as he came down. Barely managing to catch himself with his left hand before his head would have gone through the floor, the young man pivoted to face the krayt, which was trying to free its tail from the wall. He made to rise, seeing a moment of weakness, but went down again, the rib now jutting out from his side setting his nerves on fire with every second of exposure to open air.

It hurt so badly he saw black.

It hurt so badly, he saw Tisya.

Objections

 * 1) From the desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) *Full review will come soon.
 * 3) *Any possible way to shrink down that excerpt by 6 words? The limit is 300 and my word count says 306. Atarumaster88  Jedi_Order.svg ( Talk page ) 16:59, May 2, 2011 (UTC)