Star Wars Fanon:Featured articles/Nominations

A Featured article is an article that represents the best that Star Wars Fanon has to offer. Out of articles on this wiki, less than fifty are currently Featured Articles. Articles that no longer meet the criteria can be proposed for improvement or removal by the Council of Seers. A Featured article is also an article that adheres to a certain standard of quality that is higher than the standard of quality for Good articles. In order to become a Featured article, an article must first be voted as a Star Wars Fanon Good article. It should be of a very detailed and of substantial length, long enough to promote every single detail about the subject, though short enough to where it does not become a hassle to read it or edit it.

For more information on what makes a featured article, see our Featured Article requirements.

Nomination
In order to be considered for Featured article status, an article must reach Good article status by being voted upon by the Council of Seers and the membership of Star Wars Fanon. Once an article has become a Good article, the author of the article must nominate the article for Featured article status on their own accord. The nominated template will also be added at the top of the Good articles that are nominated.

Voting
The Council of Seers, and they alone, will vote on each nomination. They will review by adding comments, critique, and feedback on the articles up for nomination. They will vote on whether or not the article is of Featured article quality, and once at least six of the ten members of the Council of Seers approve of the article, the article will become featured.

If for whatever reason the author(s) of a Featured article nominee become(s) inactive and the objections of the Council of Seers remain uncorrected, the article will be removed from the nominations list and moved to the list of rejected nominations. Once the author returns, they may re-nominate the article if they intend to correct the objections.

Approved articles
If an article is voted in by the Council of Seers, it will be added to the list of featured articles, the upcoming article queue, and to the history of featured articles.

Approve

 * 1) Good job. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 18:03, 9 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Resigned as a Decreton Lord, so he is not a member of the Council of Seers. Therefore, the vote is invalid. - Brandon Rhea (talk) (contribs) 02:26, 7 October 2008 (UTC)

Objections

 * 1) It's a good article, with promise, but I don't think it's FA material quite yet. There are a few things that can be done to make the article better. Here's a list of the most obvious things:
 * 2) * Remove the bullet points from the infobox; they're not needed.
 * 3) * In the infobox, add to the "Personal information" section, or hide it (insert hidep=yes).
 * 4) * Expand, or merge as appropriate, all sections with the possible exception of The Brotherhood of Darkness.
 * 5) * Expand Legacy, Personality and traits and Talents and abilities.
 * 6) * Put a bullet point in the BtS section, or remove it completely.
 * 7) * Fix the categorization.
 * 8) * Fix punctuation in the introduction.
 * 9) * Thats all I can find for the time being. Darth Abeonis Sith Council Sith Campaign 22:17, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
 * Done and done [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] My page iChat What I've done 20:05, 25 March 2008 (UTC) 08:51, 28 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Dangerously near Mary Sue.
 * 3) * None of the images are properly sourced. Solus  (Bird of Prey)  20:48, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **Fixed the images, but I disagree with the first one. How do you believe it's a Mary Sue, and how do you believe I could rectify this? [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 16:46, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ***Um...let's see how I can explain this.
 * 6) ***#Respect from a well-known canon character has potential for Mary Sue, unless handled right. Love from a well-known canon character automatically adds a whole lot of Mary Sue points - there are next to no exceptions of that rule of thumb.
 * 7) ***#Visiting well-known planets has potential for Mary Sue. Visiting a well-known planet that no one is supposed to have visited, that almost no one knows about, and doing something important there adds loads of MS points.
 * 8) ***#Having an army has potential for Mary Sue. Suddenly getting an army adds many MS points. Suddenly getting an army that can challenge a well-known government is an automatic MS point jackpot.
 * 9) ***#There are several other minor things, but that's the major stuff. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:58, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) ***#* I see. How would you propose I change this without actually screwing up the storyline and would you believe it to be too MS for the other DL's to support? [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 17:02, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ***#**I don't know, on either count. For the first, either somewhat of a rewrite or scrappage is in order, but I don't suggest the latter, the article has potential. As for the other DLs, how about you ask them? I can't speak for them all. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:05, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) ***#***I see. I'll wait to see what the other DL's think first. [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 17:11, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) I agree with Solus on what he's currently said about Mary Sue characteristics. This is my opposition until I read through this article again to see if it's up to standards in other regards. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom) (Record) 16:44, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) **I see. May I point out, however, that someone has to lead an army and there does have to be a leader? [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 09:18, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) JM76's comments
 * 16) * The whole intro paragraph is very comma-abusive. Maybe its just personal preference, but the less commas, the better. Many of the long sentences could be easily split into smaller sentences.
 * 17) *The "Force" should always be capitalized.
 * 18) *"Merkory completed this mission with ease..." PoV
 * 19) *"It was estimated that Merkory slew one hundred and eleven Sith that day." By his lonesome? That's a bit of a stretch, considering you're fighting in close-quarters against armed and trained Sith warriors who could be using anything from lightsabers to heavy repeaters.
 * 20) *"Merkory was powerful and fought well, but the Sith Lord easily overpowered him..." easily is PoVish.
 * 21) *"Vires couldn't see his face beneath the armor, but, as the fight escalated, Eldorio managed to slice the face part of the armor off, revealing Merkory beneath." Might want to fix that, it seems to imply that Eldorio is wearing armor.
 * You'll also want to change "couldn't" to "could not". - Brandon Rhea (talk) (contribs) 02:26, 7 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *Very bare BtS. &mdash;  JM ' 76 ' Ask Archives [[Image:Sabersmilyjm76.jpg|18px]] 02:22, 7 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) **Those issues are solved. I'll do the BtS soon. --[[Image:Darth tom sig.png|100px]] (talk) (contributions) 08:55, 18 October 2008 (UTC)

Objections

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) Image:EsCape.jpg is not sourced properly.
 * 3) Personality is Mary Sue-ish. - Solus  (Bird of Prey)  16:35, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *Sorted out the first one, but no idea what you mean by the second. Mind elaborating? [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 09:19, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) JM76's comments
 * 6) *Bare BtS. Looks good besides that. &mdash;  JM ' 76 ' Ask Archives [[Image:Sabersmilyjm76.jpg|18px]] 19:06, 12 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) **Sorted that. Is it to your satisfaction? --[[Image:Darth tom sig.png|100px]] (talk) (contributions) 12:16, 25 October 2008 (UTC)

Comments
Another one. -- iChat What I've done 08:27, 9 July 2008 (UTC)

Will read this soon. Long article; looks like you did a good job with it. Drewton  ( Drewton's Holocron ) 01:14, 7 October 2008 (UTC)


 * I'm sure this wasn't your intention, but let's be sure not to say that just because an article is long it is therefore an article of quality. There are plenty of long articles on this wiki that are just absurd. - Brandon Rhea (talk) (contribs) 02:28, 7 October 2008 (UTC)
 * I'd looked over it and so hadn't based my opinion simply on length. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 02:37, 7 October 2008 (UTC)

Approve

 * 1) Yes. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 14:26, 9 October 2008 (UTC)

Objections

 * 1) From the surrounded and embattled desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * "Although the battle did not massively impact on the course of the war," POV.
 * 3) * "the Necasian Military had was in minor turmoil" Wording.
 * 4) * "Rich in resources, Kothlis was providing a stable supply of resources and was also a strategic point, being a potential staging ground for attack on key Srav worlds." Long and awkward sentence.
 * 5) * "radiation weaponry" This is awkward also.
 * 6) * Consistently decapitalize archipelago.
 * 7) * "Kurtev and Drakuv tanks mopped up," Mopped up what?
 * 8) * "A NHD-52577" Contextify this.
 * 9) * "group of Necasian swordfish hydrofoils " Capitalize?
 * 10) * "A few of the remaining Necasian divers managed to destroy a few more of" This overruse of "few" is annoying. Reword.
 * 11) * " but this time the Necasians were better dug in and prepared. " You state this at the end of every section, or so it seems. It's annoying, and doesn't help deter the notion that this article is written like a narration of a bloody strategy game.
 * 12) * Italicize class names of capital warships, like that frigate.
 * 13) * Remove the inane quotes. All of them. You know what I mean.
 * 14) * Will finish this later. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:22, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) **Addressed the above, save the radiation bombs. They're bombs that emit radiation, which is why they called so. Unit 8311 19:59, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * Looks good otherwise mechanically. However, I'd like the Srav retreat cleared up and expanded&mdash;it's a major plot hole right now. You say it was hasty, but you also say that they did a lot of sabotage and stuff. If they're getting hit by a massive air attack, they shouldn't have the time for that. Also, how did they get back to their initial landing site under constant air attack? Was it a Highway of Death ala Kuwait 1991? Did they set up a new landing site?
 * 17) * The first paragraph of the BtS needs utterly redone. "Originally, it was meant to be little more than an average battle article, similar to others such as the Battle of Raxus Prime and other articles, before 8311 proposed that they should raise it to good article status, making it, if it was successful, the second Project Cruentus good and by extension featured article." Massive run-on. Refer to users by their full username.
 * 18) * " This reflected by the Srav strategy used in the article" Fragment/missing word.
 * 19) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 00:01, 11 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) **Sorted the top one and to a lesser extent the bottom. Tom promised to get round to the BTS soon. Unit 8311 20:24, 11 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) From the entirely overrun Resolute Desk of Brandon Rhea
 * 22) * Please use the Title template to display the title as "Battle of Kothlis".
 * 23) * The introduction is only 153 words long. That's 97 words short of what is required for Featured Article status.
 * 24) *As required by the Featured article requirements, all war and battle articles need a Legacy section. This article currently does not have one. Please take note that Aftermath sections and Legacy sections are two entirely different things.
 * 25) *The current state of the Behind the scenes section is obvious: it was written with a minimal amount of effort with the intention to "just get by", but it's not going to "just get by". There's too much information that you can expand upon. What constitutes an average battle article? Why did you propose to raise it to Good article standards and status? As a note, the section is now written as if the article is not yet a Good article. You’ll need to rewrite that to indicate that it is now officially the second Cruentus Good article. Carrying on, “major work” is POV, and you should be stating what type of work it was. How did you decide to split up the work? Who came up with the storyline? Why did you choose that particular storyline? Describe how Island hoping and Iowa Jima inspired this article. Why did Tom choose Requiem of a Dream as inspiration? What type of inspiration did it give him? How did it “help him a lot”. As for the final sentence, “merely” is POV. What type of written sources did Unit use as inspiration? Why did he choose not to use music unlike Tom who did? Why did you choose these written sources? How did they help you? You need to greatly expand upon this section using basically everything I said in this objection.
 * 26) *This is just a minor list for now. I have about two pages left in line-by-line editing for this, at which point I'll most more objections. Most of them also have to do with a lack of detail and explanation in certain areas. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 19:35, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) **Addressed the above. I've expanded the BTS, but tom will also be adding his part, so if you think it's still inadequate then don't worry. Unit 8311 20:13, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * It's definitely still inadequate, but Tom told me on IRC just now that he would be expanding it more. As of right now, though, it's still a fairly "epic meh". You're also still short on the introduction. If you read the requirements, you'll see that it requires 250 words. We only required 200 in the old standards. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 20:15, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Damn, I should have paid more attention in maths lessons. Anyway, the intro problem is sorted now. Unit 8311 20:23, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Alright, I've struck that objection, but I added another one. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 20:28, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) **Again, tom asked to leave a legacy section to him. Unit 8311 20:24, 11 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Leg section has been added. Unit 8311 (Talk) 20:07, 23 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **BTS has been expanded to suffice. All current complaints addressed. Unit 8311 [[Image:1110 Big small.jpg|20px]] Talk!  18:30, 3 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Per above. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  11:19, 15 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Images are a bit small. That's my only complaint. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 01:18, 7 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *Sorted that too. Unit 8311 [[Image:1110 Big small.jpg|20px]] Talk!  13:37, 9 October 2008 (UTC)

Comments
Second PC FAN. -- <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contributions) 20:04, 8 September 2008 (UTC)

Approve

 * 1) Yes. Great job with the lightsaber blades, as well.  Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 03:06, 18 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Striking until Victor's objections are addressed. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 02:44, 23 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Very good job. Nicely detailed, informative, and neatly edited. --[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 18:13, 19 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *Nullifying my vote per the objections in Vic's review. --[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 03:27, 23 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) - Solus  (Bird of Prey)  18:33, 20 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *Per Vic's objections. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:18, 23 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) -- [[Image:Darth tom sig.png|100px]] <font color="#000001">(talk) <font color="#000001">(contributions) 07:02, 22 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 8) *You guys should really take a look at the objections below; your votes of approval are outdated. :P --Victortalk 02:18, 23 October 2008 (UTC)

Objections

 * 1) From Drewton's holocron:
 * 3,872 BBY needs to be linked to.
 * 1) *It should be said in the introduction that Cyril Ahlen Khan was a Jedi.
 * 2) *Since this is a lightsaber form article, a lightsaber really needs to be shown. I'll add lightsaber blades via Photoshop for you if you want.
 * 3) *"Independent" doesn't count as an affiliation. Assuming that's not an actual organization.
 * 4) *"Also, the form had interchangeable blocks and strikes." Would better read as "the form had interchangeable blocks and strikes also".
 * 5) *Cyril Ahlen Khan needs to be linked to in "History".
 * 6) *Jedi Order should be linked to in the same section.
 * 7) *A lot of sentences should be combined. For example, "and" should be used here: "Cyril did not want his unique form to become too well known. He started a tradition of teaching the style to the eldest son, Force sensitive or not, to be carried on into the future."
 * 8) *"Hayai Oujou was an overwhelming opponent in combat." It's not really an opponent.
 * Drewton [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 00:54, 14 October 2008 (UTC)
 * *I have worked on the written mistakes and edited them. I will work on editing the screenshots. However, I would like to keep at least one picture without a lightsaber blade edited in, if I may, to present the idea that the form can be used with a normal blade as well. Cyril Khan (Talk) 02:00, 16 October 2008 (UTC)
 * I've put in some pictures that have the lightsaber blades edited in. Cyril Khan (Talk) 02:56, 18 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Let's begin. Anyone who says they reviewed this lied, because there are quite a handful of errors here. just in the intro section.
 * 2) *From the introductory section (infobox, introduction, etc.)
 * 3) **Hide the "Description" field in the infobox since it is unused.
 * 4) **Under "Affiliation", is it "Jedi" or "Jedi Order"? I think "Order" would be more accurate.
 * 5) **"from the forms, Makashi, Soresu, Ataru, Juyo, and Sokan"; No comma after "forms"
 * 6) **"the combat form took a unique route when it started to appear identical to Niman"; First off, unique is POV, and secondly, that sentence is contradictory. How can it be unique yet be just like another form at the same time? Clarify.
 * 7) **"Khan kept the techniques he had put into his style, but he modified the execution and application of them." Sentence feels misplaced because it provides no new information and is basically redundant - we already assume, should assume, and have been told this in preceding sentences.
 * 8) **"It harnessed swift and unpredictable strikes that overwhelmed the opposition" That whole sentence is full of POV. Swift, unpredictable, overwhelmed. Clean it up or kill it. Now you're just glorifying the form needlessly.
 * 9) **"One important advantage of the style was the use of never ending momentum"; Advantage is POV, plus that doesn't even seem like an advantage. More like a trait of the attack or style, skill.
 * 10) **"without stopping or hesitating." Make it "without stopping or hesitation."
 * 11) **"The style seemed reckless, and when being used by an initiate or advanced student it very much was" POV unless you tell us why it was considered reckless. Not everyone could've considered it reckless, otherwise why use it?
 * 12) **"and grace the style needs"; tense, "needs" to needed
 * 13) **"The form had interchangeable blocks and strikes also. The statement," merge these sentences, otherwise that first one seems out of place and it becomes "stating the obvious."
 * 14) **"This does not apply to every technique, but it does to a great many." Fix the tense in that sentence.
 * 15) **"its graceful, never-ending motions" Graceful is POV, no matter how you word it, unless you state who directly believed it to be graceful. Just "for its never-ending motions" is good enough.
 * 16) **"When applied to the metal sword the form was swift and overpowering" Two things: comma after sword, and beyond that, it is POV again.
 * 17) **"The effects of using a lightsaber were then much more astonishing. " To whom? Otherwise, POV and kill it.
 * 18) **"Seeing a Jedi apply this style did not fully reveal the fact that the style was originally designed for the weighted sword. Only the blaster defense techniques revealed this detail." Combine these two sentences otherwise that first one ends up sounding redundant.
 * 19) **"Hayai Oujou was extremely vulnerable to ranged weapons." Remove extremely, POV.
 * 20) **"This weakness existed because a combatant with a weighted sword was not likely to stop the incoming fire anyway" Speculation. Make it fact or remove it entirely and rephrase.
 * 21) *From History; First off, before beginning, I'd like to point out the organization of this article is wrong. The sections "Grip", "Stance", "Offense", "Defense", "Weaknesses", and "Requirements" need to be merged with "Description"; "Applications" is the history, so these two titles are interchangeable. I prefer "Applications", but that's up to you, but basically "History" needs to be History or Applications, and all the stuff under the current Applications section needs to go under the description. So, now, onto the History section.
 * 22) **"primarily developed by Cyril Ahlen Khan when he was twelve." He only developed it when he was twelve or beginning from age twelve? Clarify.
 * 23) **"He had always wanted to create a unique style." Out of place, merge it with the preceding sentence.
 * 24) **"The process was long and painstaking," For whom? POV without telling us to whom.
 * 25) **"but the results were worth the effort." Again, POV unless you state for whom (Cyril is my educated guess)
 * 26) **"Cyril rapidly took his style in a unique direction." How is it "unique", otherwise that is POV.
 * 27) **"However, Cyril noticed the similarities between his creation and Form VI as well." out of place; what does that have to do with anything? Of course he will, he's creating the form off of it (if he wasn't, there is no way he'd know how to use it)
 * 28) **"The student suddenly shifted his route and began thinking differently about his style." This sentence should be merged with the preceding sentence (right above this) to clarify what the point of the preceding sentence was.
 * 29) **" the style had changed drastically from what it had originally been." Drastically is POV.
 * 30) **"The final phase of the creation of Hayai Oujou" The name pops out of nowhere. Give context on why it was chosen, what it means, when it was named as such.
 * 31) **"The weighted blade had modified the styles techniques in a unique way, and the form became extremely unpredictable as a result." This is extremely POV. Remove the POV; you would likely end up killing this sentence because it's just glorification.
 * 32) **"While the techniques would be recognizable, they had all been drastically modified as he developed Hayai Oujou." Drastically is POV (again)
 * 33) **"Cyril did not want his unique form" I think that works in too much POV. Instead, say his personal form or customized/custom form.
 * 34) **"to the eldest son"; to his eldest son? To the eldest son of the family? Please clarify, otherwise it sounds like just any eldest son.
 * 35) **"Force sensitive or not"; link and it should be written as Force-sensitive.
 * 36) **"too many beings to develop strong enough defenses against it" This sentence implies that some did develop defenses. So if that is so, who?
 * 37) **"The style, even though it faced large changes, never lost the melee dominance it originally had." Dominance is POV.
 * 38) *From current Description section:
 * 39) **"A master of Hayai Oujou could be an overwhelming opponent in combat." POV
 * 40) **"The unique style proved to be extremely powerful when used during the conflicts between" Lots of POV. You need to understand POV is not allowed. Stop glorifying the form and take a neutral stance on it. Just because you (or the users) see it that way does not mean it is true. No need to try and include gush in an article.
 * 41) **" The swift blade of the form’s master devastated single opponents and held off multiple foes with ease." Again, a bunch of POV. Plus, give proof (examples) of this or remove it otherwise, because I don't believe, especially with no proof. More gushing praise.
 * 42) **"was one of the best to choose" POV. Not everyone would say that, that's for sure.
 * 43) **"Hayai Oujou demonstrated its ability overpower any opposing melee style." POV, gush, no proof, etc.
 * 44) **"The form that had devastated the sword masters of the Sith and the Bendu was not invulnerable." Devastated is POV again.
 * 45) **"the style was extremely vulnerable to the incoming" More POV; remove extremely. Don't replace it with another fancy word, just remove it.
 * 46) **"This issue led the masters of the form to take on styles that were more effective against ranged combat" Funny, since earlier you said Hayai Oujou was the best choice. Here is proof why you don't use POV to gush over something.
 * 47) **" teach it to any one outside his family"; any one to anyone
 * 48) **"People had heard rumors of the Khan’s fighting style and they feared facing it." What people? Otherwise, POV gush.
 * 49) *More later - I will also review the "revised" intro later again because I can assure you it's still full of errors and POV, plus it's over the top in length.--Victortalk 21:20, 22 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 50) *From Grip
 * 51) **Combine "Holding the blade lightly allowed the user to execute more flexible strikes against an opponent. Stronger grips were used in defense." Otherwise second one sounds sudden and out of place.
 * 52) **Likewise with the following: "Hayai Oujou master had to move between the firm and light grips quickly. If any mistake were to occur in the transition, the hilt could easily be removed from the hand."
 * 53) **"are noted for losing their lightsaber on their own accord by a poor transfer"; Tense
 * 54) **"This was not to be unexpected form the form;" I think that should be "from the form", spelling. Also, unexpected to whom? Otherwise, POV.
 * 55) **"but added dramatic unpredictability" Gush POV.
 * 56) **"some people"; You mean some users? Please clarify.
 * 57) **" presented a huge adaptive ability and an overwhelming offense to face" More gush POV.
 * 58) *From Stance
 * 59) **"The Hayai Oujou stance usually remained completely constant in combat." I see what you mean, but it doesn't make sense. Maybe "constantly in motion during combat" would work, if that's what you're trying to get at.
 * 60) **Combine the three following sentences: " The form typically used a medium stance. The legs were spread at shoulder length. The forward leg was set forward at shoulder distance as well, so that the body could pivot to the side and maintain the same stance without moving any legs." Otherwise, one could get confused as to what a medium stance is and such. Your sentences need to transition better.
 * 61) **"In reality, the stance was the jack-of-all-trades." Oh wow, that's got to be the worst instance of gushing POV yet. Please kill that ridiculous sentence and reword the preceding one to include neutral context.
 * 62) **"The position allowed for wonderful balance, perfect maneuverability, and swift movements." All POV, gush, etc. Remove this.
 * 63) **"While the stance was the most consistent technique in Hayai Oujou, it was the most important." Reword; including "While" makes no sense and instead the two facts should be combined.
 * 64) **Combine: "Most would say a lighter stance would better fit the maneuverability the style needs. This belief was completely incorrect."
 * 65) *From Offense
 * 66) **"One technique could be executed in so many ways that it could become a form of its own." This is just gush unless you provide context on what this supposed technique was and how it worked.
 * 67) **"result in incapacitation and control cuts"; you mean "controlled cuts"? Tense?
 * 68) **"This is what made a seemingly, highly aggressive form into one usable by even pacifists." Such as who? No example, no sentence. As far as I can tell, Khan was not a pacifist.
 * 69) **"A user would strike at unimportant locations on an enemy"; POV, what makes "locations on an enemy" more important than others? Just remove unimportant altogether.
 * 70) **"These actions seemed rash at first" by whom and why? POV
 * 71) **"but they had an important role in the form." What is that "important" role and why, otherwise more POV.
 * 72) **"These seemingly worthless motions" to whom were they 'seemingly worthless'? I don't see it that way. POV.
 * 73) **"it required perfect precision and extreme flexibility" POV unless you explain why.
 * 74) **"he result was devastating; in the moment the weakness appeared, a Hayai Oujou master would have cut down the opponent" POV, and there is no way anything can always be successful. In its current form, there are no given flaws which makes this a bunch of gush.
 * 75) **" This strategy was very difficult to detect" POV, examples or retract this.
 * 76) **"useless strikes resembled the other offensive strategies" Useless if POV. Remove it or explain why it is "useless"./
 * 77) **Reword and combine with preceding sentences for context: "In the moment a learned opponent would become suspicious, the master user could instantly change into any other aggressive strategy of the form."
 * 78) *From Defense
 * 79) **"Hayai Oujou employed an interesting defense." More POV.
 * 80) **"The user would execute an avoid and evade stratagem" Redundancy; use either avoid or evade, they both mean the same thing.
 * 81) **"set up for a useful counterattack." Remove useful, POV, and needless.
 * 82) **"and an effective counterattack could be made." Remove effective, POV.
 * 83) **"The avoid and evade defense plan was quite brilliant." use one or the other, not both, and major gush POV. Kill that.
 * 84) **"A master of the style could beat nearly any opponent by using their momentum against them." Gush POV, no proof, not believable.
 * 85) **"that makes Hayai Oujou’s defense so effective;" First off, tense, and secondly, POV gush, yet again.
 * 86) **"A master who fought this way was powerful." Gush POV.
 * 87) **"it demonstrated the versatility of Haiyai Oujou." POV
 * 88) **" form extremely difficult to break as well as an offense that was hard to overcome." More POV
 * 89) **" though it was not terribly powerful." POV.
 * 90) **" It was difficult for the cone defense to work all the time" POV
 * 91) **"Because a metal blade couldn’t refract energy " couldn't to could not
 * 92) *From Requirements
 * 93) **"The Khan line was notorious" Notorious to who? Otherwise POV
 * 94) **"became much more dangerous and easier to use." POV
 * 95) **"A powerful hand to eye coordination was necessary," POV
 * 96) **"Also, the user had to be extremely flexible" POV, remove extremely
 * 97) **"The flexibility allowed for the unorthodox strategy the form used." POX; I don't see this as unorthodox, it seems just like any other lightsaber form.
 * 98) **" to be powerful rather than strength. " POV
 * 99) **" If muscles became so strong that speed was lost, the brawny user would lose a vital requirement." Brawny is POV
 * 100) **" on to the more complex style." POV
 * 101) *More later. --Victortalk 21:58, 22 October 2008 (UTC)

Comments
I will review this next. --Victortalk 00:52, 22 October 2008 (UTC)


 * I know this may sound selfish, but I would like to ask the rest of the Seers to please not vote in approval of this quite yet - tomorrow I will have this undergo an extensive review (as with all my reviews) and I don't want it to get approved with any errors (which I am not sure if it has any or not yet). --Victortalk 07:22, 22 October 2008 (UTC)

Well, I read over this article and didn't find anything, so I was about to give it the final approval vote it needs. I'm going to hold you to finishing it by the end of today, but after that I'll be voting in favor of it. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:20, 22 October 2008 (UTC)


 * I'm pretty sure there are enough objections from my review thus far (of the Intro and History sections) to warrant holding off the approval. This is not up to FA standards yet. --Victortalk 20:28, 22 October 2008 (UTC)
 * I'll get to work on this as soon as I can. Though, I am confused on how application and history are synonymous. Cyril Khan (Talk) 00:41, 23 October 2008 (UTC)
 * They aren't by individual definition, but "History" basically means the events of the past of something (in this case the lightsaber form, its conception, and its use) and Applications, in this case, represents when and where (and how) it was applied throughout said history. I said they are interchangeable because it's a matter of preference whether you want to use History or Applications; either is acceptable, as long as they are properly organized, per my objections above. Edit: Also, since other Seers are citing Wookieepedia featured articles as examples, take a look at Form IV: Ataru and Form V: Shien / Djem So, both featured lightsaber combat articles. --Victortalk 02:12, 23 October 2008 (UTC)


 * Applications being synonymous with History is Vic's preference, but you don't have to do that if you are really opposed to it. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 01:27, 23 October 2008 (UTC)

Approve

 * 1) Reviewed this for GA status, and didn't find any problems. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 22:31, 21 October 2008 (UTC)

Objections

 * 1) From the desk of Thomas Rattim,
 * 2) *'The Ophuchi Sanctuary was loosely based on the sietchs from the Dune series by Frank Herbert.' Do you mean sketches? I would have corrected it myself, but wasn't sure as to what you meant.
 * No, I mean Sietch. I'll give context on what that is in the article. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:19, 22 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *I don't feel the Behind the Scenes or the history section itself is featured article worthy.
 * Why? Because they happen to be short despite having all available information sourced? You'll notice that this article "contain[s] all relevant major facts and plot points" and that it "acknowledge[s] and explore[s] all aspects of the subject". - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:19, 22 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *Surprisingly, this storyline didn't interest me, which would be a first from you, Brandon, and put me at a neutral if all other complaints are addressed.
 * I can't do anything about this point if you don't give me examples of how I could improve on that, Tom. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:19, 22 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *I think you could expand upon the structure; give a general overall description and then smaller, detailed ones of the different areas. --[[Image:Darth tom sig.png|100px]] <font color="#000001">(talk) <font color="#000001">(contributions) 07:19, 22 October 2008 (UTC)
 * You're going to have to state in detail what you want here, Tom. I'm not going to be making up new information if that's what you mean, as everything in this article is sourced from The Chosen One. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:19, 22 October 2008 (UTC)
 * I'm not asking you to make stuff up. However, if you interpret the Featured article requirements word by word, you could have a single sentence for an article and still have all the information in. I'm not asking you to make stuff up, I'm just saying that I think there's a too long and a too short in an article. An article shouldn't be judged solely, or even mainly, on length, but all things must be considered. As for the storyline issue, I just didn't feel it captivated me and drew me in, as a featured article should. --[[Image:Darth tom sig.png|100px]] <font color="#000001">(talk) <font color="#000001">(contributions) 16:27, 22 October 2008 (UTC)
 * Once again, I'm finding a lack of specifics in terms of your captivation and such. You're giving me absolutely no recommendations as to how I could improve upon something like that. As for length, I direct you to articles like Battle of Deneba, 6734, Force cage, TK-622, "Eyes" (Rebel operative), GH-7 medical analysis unit, A-3DO, 3B6-RA-7, The Keeper, Unstable Terrain Artillery Transport and Buick. I'd say more, but I think you get my idea. You may also be thinking "well this isn't Wookieepedia", but the fact remains that our FA standards are so similar that there is a certain precedence for something like this. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:34, 22 October 2008 (UTC)
 * Lengthwise is not my main oppose. I'll scratch my oppose for a neutral, but nothing really happens; it's just a bunch of religious men engaging in arcane rituals. The most exciting bit in the history is when Annikin Skywalker turns up; there's no civil war, excitement in how they actually arrived upon the planet and formed the Ophuchi or anything. I don't find much excitement in that. --[[Image:Darth tom sig.png|100px]] <font color="#000001">(talk) <font color="#000001">(contributions) 16:39, 22 October 2008 (UTC)
 * There doesn't have to be a civil war or stuff like that in everything. Some things do happen normally. Besides, why would I include information about the formation of the Ophuchi? There is an Ophuchi Clan article that covers what is known about the formation from TCO. Remember, this is the Sanctuary, aka. a building. Expanding on the history of the Ophuchi Clan would be unncessary detail. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 18:24, 22 October 2008 (UTC)
 * I have to say that I didn't find the Opuchi to be the best part of TCO either, but the article itself from what I can tell is perfect for what it should be, which is what a featured article is supposed to be. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 16:50, 22 October 2008 (UTC)
 * I know there doesn't, but the fact remains that the article didn't interest me. --[[Image:Darth tom sig.png|100px]] <font color="#000001">(talk) <font color="#000001">(contributions) 07:03, 23 October 2008 (UTC)
 * Well, you're going to have to inform me how to make an article about a building exciting enough for you. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 15:20, 23 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *Seriously? You can't withhold your vote just because a FAN is boring. --Victortalk 04:29, 25 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) **I can and I will. Featured articles are meant to be the best articles on the site, the icing on the cake, and I don't want people to read boring articles and get the wrong impression about Featured articles. And so, if I deem an article boring for myself, I'll neutral on it. It's not an oppose. --[[Image:Darth tom sig.png|100px]] <font color="#000001">(talk) <font color="#000001">(contributions) 12:55, 25 October 2008 (UTC)

Comments
I actually had no intention of nominating this for Featured article status, which I had said in response to a support vote during this articles Good article nomination, but because we've moved away from the idea that length is the determining factor of a Featured article and because we're running short on Featured articles, I changed my mind. As per usual, I'll refrain from voting until I address any complaints that are brought forward. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 22:19, 21 October 2008 (UTC)

Approval

 * 1) As far as I know, it's been up to standards for a while now. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 16:44, 24 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Couldn't find anything worth objecting to. Nice work. Unit 8311 [[Image:1110 Big small.jpg|20px]] Talk!  16:24, 25 October 2008 (UTC)

Objections

 * 1) From the Hitleresque Desk of Unit 8311:
 * 2) *'and was able to create one of the most powerful military forces the galaxy had ever seen'...to 'what was considered to be one of the most powerful'
 * 3) *I consider the art scuplture thing to be somewhat eyebrow-raising, as I can only imagine someone with extreme emotional problems running away from home because they messed up an art piece. However, I'll let it pass.
 * 4) *'Cos had average aim'...add 'compared to the other soldiers', just to be safe
 * 5) *'ministers took in turning the Republic into a reich of sorts.'...I'm not sure if reich is a good word, as I doubt the German language exists in SW. 'fascist dictatorship' might be better.
 * 6) *'Cos ruled the galaxy ruthlessly'...to 'was considered a ruthless leader'
 * 7) *'Another three years passed, when Imperial intelligence informed Cos that the Rebellion had relocated to a planet in the Outer Rim.'...change 'when' to 'then'. Looks better gramatically.
 * 8) *'Though, Jerjerrod was no Tarkin, and the station was not being completed on schedule'...'Jerjerrod was not considered as effecient as Tarkin' might be better.
 * 9) *'However, Cos' plan failed' add an extra 's' after Cos'
 * 10) *'Darth Vader was growing angry with Cos's poor military leadership of the Galactic Civil War'...'with what he considered to be Cos's poor military leadership'
 * 11) *'Cos's cruelty and evil was known by nearly all after his death', whoah, big POV here. Rewrite this sentence.
 * 12) *'Talents' section has some POV that you should easily spot and change. I can highlight it all for you if that's not the case, though.
 * 13) *In the end, though I'm not fond of rewritten canon characters, I can see this article being an FA. The above stuff I listed shouldn't be too difficult to sort. Unit 8311 [[Image:1110 Big small.jpg|20px]] Talk!  16:20, 25 October 2008 (UTC)

Comments
Alright, I am ready for this to be critiqued for Featured Article status.  Wing   msg 14:32, 25 October 2008 (UTC)