Thread:Alexander of Volzhsky/@comment-3298705-20150703193810/@comment-3298705-20150704044710

You have a point there…I just think we should call what takes place in our stories something other than "Project The New Generation era," as the Era template here currently says. Perhaps we could find a way to canonize eras?

I'm in the middle of reading your plot concepts, and I think things are a little rushed so far. That said, here's my critique:

What I like
 * Wan and Creo needing passage off-world from Gareth Lorca. I think this is a nice callback to Episode IV and could help establish Lorca as a Han Solo-type quite well.
 * Wan wanting no part in Jedi Training or the Alliance when Creo introduces himself to her; it is in line with how I envision the character and what I think should happen to her.
 * In my mind, Nexus Wan is someone to whom too much has happened too fast; when the Empire comes to her home planet and she is whisked away into the Rebellion, she finds herself caught up in something that is too much for her to comprehend. And this scares her. But rather than allow that fear to show, she keeps it bottled up and masks her true needs and emotions behind an icy exterior. She is naturally a determined, concentrated, and independent individual, but she tends to distance herself from her companions and only looks out for herself at first. She does not care if others are left behind, initially, but over the course of her first journey, she transforms into a leader and protector of both her newfound friends and her cause. By learning to trust people, Wan begins to show compassion.'''
 * The attention you paid to Gareth Lorca being a Han Solo-type through his actions and mannerisms.
 * That said, I also imagine Lorca to be an individual with a tendency to talk and act before thinking things through; this often leads his allies into trouble. Like Han Solo, Lorca is arrogant and stubborn. He is unreliable and easy-going overall, and he is unafraid to push his limits. With little regard for authority, Lorca is hot-headed, fearless, and he hides any guilt he feels by trying to force others to focus on his good qualities. He develops a romantic interest of sorts in Nexus Wan, even though she views him as an irresponsible idiot, and this is initially his only reason for deciding to stick around and support the Alliance. Beneath the roguish exterior is a good, strong heart that does the right thing in the end.
 * That Nexus Wan's Force powers are sensed by the Sith and mistaken to be those of Bix Creo; this immediately establishes how powerful (and dangerous) Wan is (or at least has the potential to become).

What I don't like
 * Getting trapped aboard a Star Destroyer via tractor-beam is a nice callback to Episode IV, but I feel it is too similar to what happened on the Death Star in that film.
 * The Reborn Sith being based on Coruscant. I feel that's too political a planet for the warrior-type Sith we're creating. I'd like to push for them having a headquarters on Moraband.
 * The awkward fusion of Episode IV and VI that seems to take place at the end with the introduction of the Alliance. It reads as too similar to Episode VI to me in terms of structure, with the plot of Episode IV.
 * The death of Bix Creo.
 * Yes, Bix Creo will die eventually, and yes, your plot has a nice homage to Episode IV. But again, it's too similar to Episode IV, being a self-sacrifice aboard a ship that is getting destroyed. Creo needs to die later so it has more of an impact, one that could set Nexus Wan and/or Gareth Lorca (he also turns out to be Force-sensitive) on a path that leads them dangerously close to the dark side.
 * The ending.
 * Again, a nice homage, but too similar to Episode IV.

What I'm unsure of/Other things I'm wondering
 * I think the plot needs to be way bigger and more intense. More action-packed. I think it should be a bit more original. Minor homages from time to time are fine, but not to the extent you're currently making them.
 * Whereas the Original Trilogy focus on threats primarily due to technology (Death Star I and II), perhaps our Original Trilogy could focus on more mystical threats. This could call in things like the Whils, a galaxy on the verge of the apocalypse, et cetera.