The Fanon Menace/Season 2/Episode 14 script

Hoth -Probe hits planet


 * *Two X-wings flying in formation*

 See anything strange on the scanners, Wedge?

 Negative…wait, it looks like an asteroid coming through over there.

 I’m intercepting a transmission…Domain probe droid code. Wait, it’s gone. Must’ve self-destructed.


 * *static on radio*

 Man, am I glad to see you guys. The Falcon’s nav systems went haywire and I crash-landed here! So while I’ve been fixing the Falcon, Chewie’s been working on building a base.

 A base? Maybe we can help you with repairs, and since you won’t be needing the base anymore, we could use it. We’ll pay you well.

 Oh, no, I’m not falling for that one again. I’m giving it to you for free.

 Well, that works.

 On the condition that I can stay.

 You drive a hard bargain…you know what having a scoundrel with us will do to our self-image?

 Your outlaw image?

 Point taken. Alright, it’s a deal.

 Great! Alright, get down here and I’ll show you around.

 Roger that. *lands X-wing* Wedge, report back to fleet, tell them we’ve found a base.

 Roger that. *exit Wedge*

 Luke, buddy, come over here! *Luke leaps down next to red X on ground* And don’t step on… *Luke steps on big red X and falls through into Wampa lair* …the…never mind.

Super Star Destroyer Executor -Discover Rebels

 Sir, the report from the probe droid sent to the Hoth system.

<Piett> Ignore it. It’s probably just a false alarm.

<Vader> What is this? The Hoth system? The Rebels are there.

<Piett> Sir, there are so many uncharted settlements – pirates and smugglers and the like – that we cannot ascertain for certain that these are, in fact, Rebels.

<Vader> The Rebels are there.

<Piett> How can you be certain?

<Vader> Because. Look at the camera crew. The red light’s on. Why would they be filming unless we were onto something?

<Piett> Ah…

<Vader> You must learn from the Master, Captain. Perhaps one day you will become an Admiral.

Hoth -Luke with wampa

<Luke> Gee, Han, thanks. Now I’m stuck in a cave on top of this furry white mountain.


 * *Luke climbs off monstrous sleeping wampa*

<Luke> He’s got a good idea. Sleeps in his fur coat. Well, I’d better see if this tunnel leads anywhere.