The Fanon Menace/Season 2/Episode 26 script

Tatooine -arrive on planet

*Millennium Falcon lands, ramp lowers*

*Lando, Lobot, Chewie, Leia, Luke, R2-D2, and C-3PO exit*

 Well, here we are. R2, 3PO, are you ready?

 *whistles*

 We are ready, sir.

 Ok, I’ll be shortly behind you. Lando, take the speeder with Lobot and get into position.

 Ok. Lobot, let’s go.

*C-3PO, R2-D2, Lando, and Lobot exit*

 Ok, Leia, you and Chewie know what to do.

 Yes. Chewie, I’m gonna put these binders on you...

 Grawwr!

 Ok, Luke, you put them on.

 It’s ok, Chewie, I think I know what she has in mind.

*Luke puts binders on Chewie*

 Ok, follow 3PO and R2. Once they’re inside, give them an hour, then turn Chewie in. I’ll give you an hour, then go in, if you haven’t already rescued Han, and rescue all of you.

 Sounds good.

*all exit*

-presented to Jabba/Leia arrives with Chewie/Luke arrives/Leia frees Han

 I wonder if anyone’s home. There don’t appear to be any lights on.

 *whistles*

 Knock? Well, Perhaps I shall.

*C-3PO knocks, trapdoor opens. Both fall into entry hall*

 Who be ye and why be ye here?

<C-3PO> I am C-3PO, bringer of bad news. This here is my counterpart, R2-D2, who has selective memory loss. Who are you?

<Fortuna> Me name be Bib Fortuna, the guy who speaks funny. Won’t ye come this way, gentles?

<C-3PO> Gentles? And who are we going to see?

<Fortuna> Jabba the Hutt, the creepy slug creature that eats bugs. Who else would ye see in this place?

*enter throne room. Lando and Lobot “in disguise” in back*

<Jabba> What do you want?

<C-3PO> I am C-3PO, bringer of bad news, and this is my counterpart R2-D2, who has selective memory loss. We are here to deliver a message from the most esteemed Luke Skywalker, who has yet to go through adolescence.

<Jabba> What is the message?

<C-3PO> My counterpart has the message stored in his memory. Show him the message, R2.

<R2-D2> *whistles*

<C-3PO> What do you mean, you forget?

<R2-D2> *whistles*

<C-3PO> Amnesia? You have no such thing! Show Jabba the message.

<R2-D2> *whistles*

<C-3PO> Who am I? Listen here, you young droid...

<Jabba> Take them away. We can use them in the palace.

<C-3PO> *to R2-D2* Now look what you’ve gotten us into!

*Wookiee roar is heard*

*Gamorrean guard flies across screen*

<Leia> Sorry!

*Leia and Chewie enter*

<Leia>I am collecting the bounty on this Wookiee, Chewbacca.

<Jabba> Protocol droid! Translate!

<C-3PO> She says that she wants the bounty for Chewbacca.

<Jabba> I will give 20,000 credits.

<C-3PO> He’ll give you 20,000. No less.

<Leia> Ask why I must get 20,000.

<C-3PO> Why must she get 20,000?

<Jabba> Because...I’m holding a thermal detonator!

<C-3PO> Because he’s holding a thermal detonator!

<Leia> You’re lucky I’m in a charitable mood, Jabba. I accept.

<C-3PO> She agrees!

*Jabba shuts down detonator*

<Jabba> This bounty hunter is my kind of scum. Here’s her money.

*hands money to C-3PO, who gives it to Leia*

*Luke enters with Bib Fortuna*

<Jabba> Who is this?

<Luke> I am Jedi Knight Luke Skywalker, who has yet to go through adolescence. I am here to free Han Solo, formerly known as Indiana Jones.

<Jabba> You can’t have him.

<Luke> I will free him.

<Jabba> No, you won’t.

<Luke> Yes, I will!

*Luke and Jabba banter back and forth as Leia sneaks over to carbonite slab and types in code. Carbonite slab slams forward loudly, causing Leia to gasp. Nothing happens, arguing in background continues. Door revealed behind slab, from which Han emerges*

<Han> Man, I’m hungry.

<Leia> Han! You’re alright!

<Jabba> No!

*Jabba slams his fist down on chair, which pushes trapdoor button. Luke falls through*

<Jabba> Oops.

<C-3PO> What will happen to him now?

<Jabba> Well, he’ll... *mumbles the rest*

<Leia> What did he say?

<C-3PO> He says that he’ll be eaten.

<Leia> By what?

<Jabba> *mumbles*

<C-3PO> The most fearsome creature in the galaxy.

<Leia> An Acklay?

<Jabba> No.

<Han> A rancor?

<Jabba> No.

<C-3PO> A larger-than-life, dripping-with-mucus, green-eyed, sharp-toothed, nerf?

<Jabba> *mumbles*

<Leia> What did he say?

<C-3PO> Yes.

*roar is heard*