Thread:Sakaros/@comment-29301-20180903145046/@comment-29301-20190530171353

I got done reading it this morning. My immediate feedback..?

I'll admit that I was rubbed the wrong way when first introduced to the character of Zaella. There was some conflation at work in this; the chapter in question generally confused me, mostly because you have so many villains (let alone supporting characters in general) that I often have trouble keeping track of them. So when the Sith we're dealing with are aliens, that automatically made me think it was the Council of Five's faction, but then someone has the title of Dark Lord, which I thought they didn't use, and a little later it dawned on me that this is another, dinkier faction. So while I was still shaking off my mental vertigo from that, all I could think about Zaella was, "A female Sith acolyte who's an abused underdog with multiple bad bosses but still has some ambition in her - why make a new character for that when you've already got Alecto? Or why write up a brand-new pair of B-list Sith for this whole auction thing when you could choose from the ten who got introduced in the episode right before this one?"

I'm happy to say, though, that Zaella grew on me after Chapter 15. Y'know, when you're writing a story about alien space-wizard-warrior-monks, suspension of disbelief needs all the support it can get; and you've well-demonstrated that it does leagues to give such characters actual hobbies and interests that ordinary people have, like sketching or writing papers or snorting space-coke. I'm interested to see what happens with her.

Speaking of villains: considering that I misremembered Darth Saleej as one of the Big Five, it's a small miracle that Lady Gasald isn't one of the baddies that I completely forgot exists... That said, even though she's not one of my favorite villains that you've written (and this is not a complaint, merely a ranking) I'm glad she's finally making appearances again.

I like that Mandalorians have finally made an appearance. The gratuitous Mando'a gives me a bitter taste, but given you're not Karen Traviss (a plague upon her house) and you do basically the same thing with other space languages and idioms and so on, I let it slide. The New Sith Wars are actually a particularly interesting period to feature Mandalorians, as it's a transitional time for them; they're being dragged by history out of the Canderous Ordo way of life and into the Jango Fett one.

I dig Chapters 20-22 so hard. One of my favorite moments in the story is when Ghrond Farshyk introduces himself to Narasi and Zaella - and then he's annoyed or even confused at the thought that the people he's about to engage in mortal combat with would neglect to introduce themselves in turn.

Overall, I think the story's great, one of the best you've done. I'm not sure what to say about Narasi's character arc (or other obvious subjects), because it was just done well, and nothing there stuck out as off-putting in the slightest. If there's different or more particular things you'd like my thoughts on, just say so.