Talk:Nowhere/@comment-104549-20191014172929

I don't often do fan-fiction reviews, but I was inspired to take on this one.

First, the upsides. You've chosen an interesting plotline, and I like the "" vibe. There's a lot of potential in a psychological thriller plot like that, especially because that's not something usually seen in Star Wars. You have a diverse cast of supporting characters.

Now some critiques:
 * The biggest one, which plagues all writers from time to time but especially dogs new ones, is "show, don't tell". So much is related via Anders's thoughts that could have emerged via dialogue or character interaction.  Don't tell me what a character is like, let it emerge through word choice and actions.
 * There are a number of grammatical and writing convention issues, the most blatant of which is that, when writing dialogue, every time you switch to a new speaker, you need to start a new paragraph. Trying to keep track of who was speaking got very confusing when there were four speakers in one paragraph.  Also, keep an eye on your diction; I especially noticed you used "manifest" twice, neither of which was a natural use for the word.
 * For an in-universe issue, at least in the Legends continuity, cloaking devices were extremely rare and would have been prohibitively expensive for the Alliance in 3 ABY. Also, as established in , a ship using a cloaking device can be tracked by its drive signature (the engines).  Additionally, you have Anders getting a vibroblade slash to the stomach, then prevailing in a hand-to-hand fight and making it to an escape pod.  A  causes massive damage with even a mild blow; might want to note that it wasn't turned on or something.
 * Everything happens too quickly. You built in some justification for it with Captain Rylex by alluding to his earlier mental breakdown, which was good, but everyone else seems to jump on the loony bandwagon a little too quickly.  I mentioned "The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street" before; if you haven't seen it, here is the first of the five parts, all on YouTube.  It's worth a watch to see how The Twilight Zone handled a similar concept.
 * This might be a nitpick, but I felt that Reemo's characterization wasn't really consistent with a physician. If he's going to be the one who starts seeing traitors first among the crew, there needs to be more explanation of why.
 * I felt the plot didn't really get resolved. I get what you were going for—"was there a traitor or wasn't there?" could be a powerful lingering question for the reader—but the actual events don't really leave that as a viable question.  Obviously the ship couldn't have gotten close to Yavin without a hyperdrive, so the ship did start the trip with one; if there isn't one now, that means somebody did remove it.  If you were going for the "was there ever a traitor?" approach, a better angle might have been a Star Destroyer dropping in on them or something when they expected an easy run (which would work with your dating, because I don't think the Empire was still blockading Yavin in 3 ABY).

I hope this is helpful.