Talk:Star Wars: The Real Empire

A quick review
Well, last night, I started reading the narrative. I got to about Part 4 before the seemingly irrelevant kissing scene derailed my interest. I will be brutally honest, I had no idea what was going on. I can't remember half of the original character names, as they had little to no individual personalities to go with them. The switching between years had me confused, the lack of quotation marks and paragraphs had me confused as to who was saying what, and there were some grammar issues as well.

When writing dialogue, you should use quotation marks, and when a person starts speaking, they also start a new paragraph. You had several speakers in a single paragraph and it was hard to follow what was happening. For example, as opposed to this:

When Luke speaks, his dialogue should have quotation marks and be in its own paragraph. When Donovan speaks, his dialogue should start a new paragraph, and also use quotation marks. Also, vary up the usage of "said So-and-so" as it does become monotonous after a while. For example:

If you have the same two people talking, sometimes you won't need to indicate who said that line as long as they were indicated in the previous paragraph and the other speaker responds (and is indicated as well), as I demonstrated with Luke's dialogue.

Anywho, I would advise using transitions if you're going to switch between time frames. I was really confused as to what was happening as the scenes seemed disjointed. And as I had mentioned above, the kissing scene in Part 4 was rather irrelevant. There didn't seem to be any point to it, in terms of the plot, which I was confused about. Though, if you had just started writing, then practice makes perfect. Keep writing, check out some helpful books on writing, and your stuff will definitely see improvement.  Trak Nar  Ramble on 04:12, May 15, 2010 (UTC)