Forum:WT:Fix that Fiction: The Phantom Menace

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Hello again!

This week I'll be doing something new for the writing tip. This week I start a series (which anyone may continue themselves by posting a new forum, such as Fix that Fiction II: Attack of the Clones) where I take a Star Wars product, point out something that's widely considered wrong with it, and initiate a discussion of ways that would have made it better.

As you see from the title, this week's installment focuses on Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace. An overhyped and highly anticipated film before it came out, The Phantom Menace fell short of expectations among the fanbase. The biggest criticisms of the film regard Jar Jar Binks and his role, as well as overall kid-friendliness and political rambling. I'll take these three points, and suggest ways that they could have been changed to make a better film. I will tend to avoid proposing "remove x altogether," simply because that's too easy an answer.

Instead of having a discussion section at the bottom of the page, all discussion will take place in the content sections. The "Fix that Fiction" format is divided into sections based on points that are considered wrong with the product, and content under those sections can be added by any user. In addition, any user can start a new section, or even a new "Fix that Fiction" episode; I claim no ownership of "Fix that Fiction". Every "Fix that Fiction" page should be formatted like this, with an introduction, and content sections with multiple users able to add anything to the sections or place new sections.

Add new ideas by editing the section and putting your idea under a new bullet (or series of bullets, if it's multiple paragraphs in length). You are also permitted to respond to anyone else's ideas in the section. To rephrase, EACH NEW SUGGESTION should be treated as a separate post, so you should divide them with SEPARATE BULLETS and sign each one, even if you added multiple suggestions with one edit.

So let's get started dissecting The Phantom Menace! --C3PO the Dragon Slayer 6,000,000 forms of communication 18:54, October 26, 2009 (UTC)

Gungans
Jar Jar is widely disliked simply because he is annoying. His dialect, his voice, his mannerisms, his clumsiness, and his tendency to get the heroes into trouble seem to get on people's nerves, even more so out-of-universe than in-universe.
 * I, personally, don't think Jar Jar himself is THAT annoying, but the fact that all the Gungans we see are in some way annoying is what does the most to discredit the movie. When Jar Jar is first introduced, we see that he is accident-prone and generally too dumb to live. But when he offers a place of refuge for the Jedi Knights, he has a chance at redemption. Though up to this point, the Gungans certainly qualify as "pathetic life forms," we see a an elegant city while hearing a romantic, soothing melody composed by John Williams as they swim through the water, passing from the Naboo civilization to the Gungans. When the Jedi pass through the barrier, what should have happened is that the find themselves in an aloof civilization, completely separate from the Naboo, with an entirely different culture, but still respectable and dignified. Instead, we get a weak-minded Boss and more incomprehensible dialect. The debate between the Jedi and Boss Nass could have been interesting, had Boss Nass had a principle to argue upon besides "wesa no carrrrrrrre." What if Boss Nass was, like just about everyone who matters, resistant to Qui-Gon's mind trick and even noticed what the Jedi was trying to do? It would definitely be a credit to the Gungan civilization, and would introduce a possible sequence of either action or discussion, which could replace the "there's always a bigger fish" sequence. What if Jar Jar was the only "stupid" Gungan, which would justify his banishment and accentuate the irony of his promotion to Bombad General? Sure, we'd have to put up with him the whole movie, but at least we'd know that it's not a racist thing. --C3PO the Dragon Slayer 6,000,000 forms of communication[[Image:Sabersmilyc3po.jpg|25px]] 18:54, October 26, 2009 (UTC)
 * I once created an extremely long PowerPoint animation, called "The Phantom Menace (remix)," which is basically Star Wars: The Abridged Series. Without any dubs. Just speech bubbles. Though the animation was completely tongue-in-cheek, and is often a bit childish at places, one of my favorite gags was making Jar Jar a sort of scholar. He is observant and verbose, but he is still, in a way, clueless. For example, he leads the Jedi to his university, but it turns out to be a pathetic-looking cottage, which is not the sort of refuge the Jedi need to get to Naboo. He also spends all of Qui-Gon's money on candy when they get to Tatooine. This way, although Jar Jar is still a comic relief character who can get in the way, he has an actual personality that can be liked. Note that I'm not wishing for The Phantom Menace to be anything like my PowerPoint animation. I'm suggesting that his personality be changed, not so that he is no longer funny in some way, but so that he does not seem like a caricature of clumsiness and vexation. --C3PO the Dragon Slayer 6,000,000 forms of communication[[Image:Sabersmilyc3po.jpg|25px]] 18:54, October 26, 2009 (UTC)

The nature of Anakin
There is some debate about whether Anakin was well-done in Episode I. While some "like what George Lucas was getting at, portraying him at the peak of his innocence" (quote attributed to Brandon Rhea), others think Anakin was just bait to get kids excited about the movie. While some dislike Anakin's mannerisms (like saying "oops" or other "childish" things), others don't have so much of a problem with Anakin as they do with Jake Lloyd's performance. How could Anakin be changed to make a better movie?

Irrelevance to the rest of the saga
Brandon Rhea expressed via IRC that one of the problems he addressed in his novel, The Chosen One, which is kind of a complete revision of Episode I, was the fact that the Invasion of Naboo really had nothing to do with what would happen later, like the Clone Wars. Wouldn't it be nice if the saga flowed in a way that The Phantom Menace would set things up for Episodes II-III with more than just giving us Anakin's backstory? In my mostly-joke, now-deleted Star Wars Episode Negative One, I included stuff about the creation of the Clone Army at Sifo-Dias's request, the fall of Count Dooku to the dark side, Darth Sidious's rejection of Vergere, and the introduction of Jango Fett. How could Episode I have better set things up for Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith, or even the Original Trilogy?