User:MPK

"They can't get me! Didn't yo momma ever teach you that you can't tackle lightning?!"

- Unknown

Welcome to the userpage of MPK the Reclusive. I would tell you about myself, but I like to let my userboxes (see below) speak for me, because they're easier to make.

Current Status
The majority of the important information has been retrieved and transferred to the secondary computer. If all goes well I should be able to resume fanon production, provided certain individuals stop pressuring me (you know who you are). In the meantime, stuff happens.

Dark Empire
Where to begin on Dark Empire? It's a comic series set after Return of the Jedi, in which Palpatine is reborn in a clone body, reunifies the Galactic Empire, and pulls a bunch of ridiculous super-weapons out of thin air. The drawing style itself is simply horrible. It hurts my eyes to look at it. On top of that, the story itself makes the supposed grand victory in Episode 6 look like nothing. It ruins the sense that the good guys actually accomplished something.

New Jedi Order
I have only a few things to say on this. First of all, they followed the cliché that there should always be an ultra-uber-1337 enemy introduced to fight the good guys. What was wrong with the Imperial Remnant? Why did they have to replace it with a bunch of poorly contrived bug-like humanoids? And what's with this B.S. about them being outside the force? There's no good reason for it.

NJO paints the Jedi as super-ultra powerful, with ridiculous powers like "emerald lightning" which kills people instantly, using the force to fly around like Superman, ect. As if that wasn't bad enough, the NJO series spawned the horrid creation known as Star Wars: Legacy. So the Sith have returned again with another empire. And there's this off-spring of Luke Skywalker. I wonder if he will eventually end his rejection of the Jedi and rediscover his legacy.

Nahhh, they wouldn't do that.

My Views on other Fanon, and Fanon Writing Style
"It's nothing personal. It's just that you're full of crap."

- House

I've noticed a lot of the fanon here is about big, great heroes who are almost always Jedi who are uber-powerful, defeat the big bad guy, and save the day. And many of those characters are based off of the authors who make them. There is also a similar type of character, which is the uber-powerful Dark Jedi/Sith who is super evil and super powerful and is overall mostly just a cookie-cutter villain. These two types of characters usually appear in the same story.

And they're not the only kind of characters here. Some articles are riddled with clichés and uninteresting characters who may as well have been done before. Others have that and plot holes, or spelling/grammar errors, or stories that are simply lame. Yet somehow, through a very strange set of events, many of these articles get featured on the front page. There is something wrong with that.

Below are my reviews of the worst offenders of the assault on creativity. If you see one of your articles here, and don't like receiving honest criticism, don't scroll down. If you don't like what I think of your article, then don't make a fuss about it. I'm just one guy.

Nathaniel Kenobi Solo
A prime example would be the story of Nathaniel Kenobi Solo, made by NKSCF. It's about a superdy duperdy powerful good guy. Surprisingly enough, though, at one point in the story Nathan can't figure out a language during one of his many adventures, despite the fact that he seems perfect at almost everything else. The article is also slanted to Nathan's point of view, which is never a good thing unless it's a fan fic.

This Nathaniel Kenobi Solo (I'm just going to call him Nathan from now on) strikes me as something of an arrogant bag of hot air, personality-wise. Always cracking jokes at the bad guys (such as "Darth Mutatos"), and doesn't get his butt whooped like he deserves. He makes his own rules, and he's a hypocrite. He can do insanely evil things, like forcing his own father to live forever in pain and torment by cutting him off from the force (see the section entitled "Contradictions Are My Specialty" in his article) but still think of himself on the side of justice. Normally, that's not a problem, as many villains have some sort of justification as to why they do evil things.

But Nathan going around using tons of dark side powers and doing stuff like what I've described above, and on top of believing himself to be good, is seen as a good person by everyone else on the good side! However, since Nathan is so superdy-light side, he forgives his father and SHA-ZAM, his punishment is just gone. Naturally, Nathan is also an excellent duelist, and is skilled with all forms of lightsaber combat, and freaking incredible with the force as well! Did I mention that he is also wrote a holonovel about his view on the force?

He also seems to know tons of crazy **** which he should have no way of knowing. For example, he confronts a Sith Lord who has some of his friends in captivity, and threatens to torture/kill/ect them unless he answers a bunch of questions about the history of the Sith. Not surprisingly, Nathan gets them all right. In one question, he is asked to name several specified Sith Lords in the correct order of when they were Dark Lords of the Sith. Several of them were around thousands of years before Nathan was born. Apparently, though, extensive histories of an ancient organization of Dark-Side users were kept in holobooks for millennia, and preserved, and also easy for someone to get their hands on, because Nathan says that he just read them in a holobook at an unspecified time in the past.

On top of that, why is the Sith Lord that Nathan is confronting even bothering with these questions? It's not even a Sith-like thing to do. Even Darth Sidious, who was crafty and clever, would have just engaged him directly in a battle. Nathan is also apparently an expert ladies-man. He manages to woo a Zeltron chick named Astram Karr easier and faster than James Bond would have, which I never knew was possible. Why do all the Jedi in these stories get girlfriends?

Finally, we get to his nemesis, Darth Aemulus. The equally superdy-duperdy eeeevil Dark Lord of the Sith! He's the only one to ever truly challenge the Avenger of the Jedi. Not surprisingly, this Darth Aemulus fellow seems totally devoid of a personality, which seems to fit with the fact that Darth Bandon's picture is used for him. It also is somewhat comical that Aemulus is really as much of an opposite of Nathan as you can possibly get; Nathan is a good guy who has everything in his personality, every conceivable accomplishment behind him, while Darth Aemulus is a bad guy who has nadda.

Eventually, Nathan finally engages in an epic duel to the end with Darth Aemulus on Dagobah. Here, at the end, Nathan does a rip-off of the thing Luke does in Episode 6; he doesn't attack, he tries to convince his opponent to join the light side. At this point, and this truly did not surprise me, Darth Aemulus impales Nathan with his lightsabers, and then is suddenly touched by how Nathan died trying to turn him back to the light. As a result, he does so. Naturally, of course, it's not a sad ending for Nathan, because, like all of his buddies, he somehow knows the force ghost technique. So they share a cheesy joke in the afterlife, and that is the end.

And THAT is why, in my brutally honest opinion, NKSCF is the most overrated user of this wiki. His work is clichéd, even for Star Wars. It's about a great hero who rises up and destroy the super-evil bad guys, again and again and again, until his not-so-surprising sacrifice.

Swerto Dragonouve
Another good example of total lack of imagination is Swerto Dragonouve, who is about as badly clichéd as Nathaniel. This Swerto dude is basically the "good bad guy", who fights for the bad guys and believe he's on the side of justice, yadda yadda yadda. Of course, he was also present for at least three major events of the movies (the Battles at Yavin IV, Hoth, and Endor). And apparently, his TIE Fighter, when the Death Star was destroyed, was "pushed away" by the explosion. This is nuts. If his ship was close enough to be affected by the explosion, then it would just be incinerated.

During his days spent in the Empire, he was for some reason a TIE pilot and a ground soldier, which doesn't really make much sense. On a flight mission to Kashyyyk for some reason or another, he is shot down by rebel pilots, which brings me to another question. Why does everyone always get shot down, instead of their ships being blown to smithereens? He is then captured by the Rebels, who somehow knew that he was a main character, and interrogated at a Rebel prison. I'm not totally sure, but this is the first time I've ever heard of a prison that is owned, operated, and kept hidden by a small organization of terrorists. Of course, through an unexplained set of circumstances, Swerto escaped. ] But apparently all this stuff wasn't uncreative enough, so the author decided to make him force-sensitive. I've never heard of that before. But even the way he discovers his sensitivity is kind of weird. He finds a holocron sitting around in his house. He probably pulled it out of his junk drawer. Anyway, he learns of his force potential via a message from his mother in the holocron. But how did he activate it without using the force? Come to think of it, I suppose it's plausible that the holocron could have been (and probably was) a Data holocron, which one doesn't need the force to activate, but the author could have easily stated that that was what it was instead of leaving the reader to figure it out for himself/herself. After that, some Dark Jedi dude takes him to Mustafar for force training, because there's no place in the freaking galaxy where this Swerto guy can go that isn't seen in the movies.

During training on Mustafar, some woman named Livevi Trace who he had known earlier (and not surpisingly, had fallen in love with) with approaches him, but hell if I know how she tracked him there. She tries to make him turn from the dark path, blah blah blah, and is shortly after killed by an assassin, who was apparently hired by the Dark Jedi (known as "Barok") who was training Swerto. How Barok not only knew that Livevi was coming, but also prepared an assassin and got him onto Mustafar without Swerto knowing, I haven't a clue. I suppose he could have landed a separate ship a good distance away, but the author didn't and doesn't clarify anything like this at any point in the article. The article is not written in much of an encyclopedic style, which causes almost every event to be unexpected for no good reason. And what kind of idiot assassin snipes the unarmed woman instead of the guy who can actually fight? Apparently Barok decided to hire some thug who knew how to pull a trigger but was otherwise as dumb as a rock. On the other hand, of course, being evil and all, it doesn't make much sense why Barok would care about his lowly underlings.

Anyway, Swerto kills the assassin, and goes back to where Livevi's corpse was, to find only her cloak lying there. What the heck is that? Is that supposed to imply that she learned the Force Ghost technique? Seriously? Was she force-sensitive? Was she actually a Jedi? Was her corpse taken away by an unknown entity for an unknown reason? Did he know the technique through some unexplained circumstances? None of these questions are answered. I don't think I need to explain the ridiculousness of some random dancer knowing an ancient Jedi power, but the very least the author could do is FREAKING EXPLAIN WHY SHE DISSAPEARED!!! Now, I can guess that it means she became a force ghost, but why wasn't that explained?? Even a bad explanation is better than none at all.

Afterward, Swerto returns to fighting in the Galactic Civil War, training himself in the force as he went on. During this time, he gets an Eta-2 Actis-class light interceptor (the Jedi fighter seen in Episode 3, for those unfamiliar). Now, this is just lame. Why does there need to be an abundance of Prequel-era technology in so many authors' fanon? This is not the first time I've seen stuff like this. The Eta-2 would be outdated for years. Now, I know what you're thinking. "He heavily modified and upgraded it!!". Of course he upgraded it. He's the main character. He's a master ship mechanic. I'll believe that when dewbacks fly. This guy may be a good fighter, pilot and a Dark Jedi, but there's no way he could also be a mechanic, let alone one good enough to upgrade such an old ship to the point of it being able to even stand a change against modern ships. And even if he was, why would he go to all that trouble instead of just getting a perfectly good ship that doesn't require extensive refitting? Like a TIE Avenger, or a TIE Defender? Even such a vessel being used by Rebels this late in the Galactic Civil War doesn't sound likely to me.

On his assorted adventures, Swerto also gets the stupid "Lava Lightsaber" crystal and the "Bane's Heart" crystal, and puts them in separate lightsabers. This is basically the author saying "Look at me! I completed a bunch of [stupid] quests in Star Wars Galaxies!". The article doesn't even put any story behind how he got these artifacts. It just says that he got them.

Eventually, Swerto is forced to resign from his position due to failing some test given to him by an Imperial officer named Ramd Ketten, who takes his position. He was then arrested for being a Jedi (which he wasn't) and sent to the Lusankya, an Imperial prison somewhere. He is then visited by Palpatine, because EVERY main character in these fanon stories meets the Emperor. Palpy then tells Swerto to work for him or die, which Swerto accepts. Now, why the heck did they bother arresting him in the first place? Why couldn't they put a sticky note at the door of his house saying something like "Palpatine requests your help against the Rebellion" or something?

Since this character is based off of the author's experiences in Star Wars: Galaxies, it's not surprising that the Battle of Restuss on Rori is in here as well. The article states that Swerto joins "Obsidian Dagger Squadron" (which is apparently a highly respectable fighter squadron in the Empire), and then gives a long, drawn-out jumble of information about stuff that Swerto did at Restuss. Eventually, he meets one of the Emperor's hands, named Aralina Silk (who is a canon character that appeared in SWG's Restuss event). Aralina decides that since Swerto has a lightsaber that he is a Jedi (which he isn't) and tries to kill him, even though he's fighting against the Rebels. He then wastes her in a fight. Now, if he wasn't an enemy of the Empire before, he sure as hell was then. He just killed a fricking Emperor's Hand! The stormtroopers should have gunned him down right then and there!! But no, they simply ignore the sudden murder of an Imperial Agent by another Imperial Agent and let him leave without so much as a demand for an explanation.

Afterward, Swerto leaves for a city on Naboo called "Imperia" (REAL original name there, pal), which houses the headquarters for Obsidian Dagger Squadron (I'm pretty sure the fighter divisions of the Empire are just designated by numbers, but I suppose elite groups could get actual names). Once he arrives on Naboo, he goes to Imperia on his BARC Speeder (Another unneeded and outdated piece of Prequel-era technology). At this point, the article isn't very clear due to grammar mistakes and lack of clarification, but I'm pretty sure that he gets kicked out of ODS.

He then goes to Lok to formally join some organization called "DARK". I have no idea what "DARK" is, because it's not really explained previously in the article. I'm just going have to assume that it's an Imperial Intelligence Organization. Or a group of Dark Jedi. Or some fricking thing. Anyway, once in DARK, he helps them against the Rebels for a while, etcetera. During this time he is informed that a squadmate friend of his was killed on a mission or something. It is worth noting that his friend who was named Edrystirfod (good luck learning how the hell to pronounce that) was only mentioned once earlier in the article and had no back-story whatsoever. Swerto attends the funeral, which from the description seems rather over-the-top, especially for an Imperial funeral, but whatever. Following this, Swerto gets two of his dead friend's ships, a Decimator (an Imperial ship from SWG with a bunch of turrets and interior space) and a YT-2400, because if a cool character from canon has a ship, then Swerto has to have one ship of that class also. After a vacation, Swerto resigns from DARK (this guy resigns from organizations and positions more often than Jedi lose their lightsabers) when he is contacted by a member of another secret organization. Under their orders, he becomes a double-agent in the Rebellion via an "old friend" named Adot Koira, another character who was barely mentioned at all. He was eventually discovered by the Rebels, and was forced to leave.

After returning to regular duty in the Empire, and eventually the dark side strengthens its grip on him. He was then sent to assist the 501st Legion in the Battle of Hoth. At Hoth, he was ordered to pilot an AT-AT, because he was a good starfighter pilot, and therefore knew a lot about the controls of a vehicle he had never been inside in his life. Eventually, he parks his AT-AT right in front of the Echo Base hangar, and then jumps out to join the fight against the Rebel troops. Since when are pilots of heavy assault vehicles just allowed to abandon their posts whenever they feel like it? As if the fact that he was at the Battle of Hoth wasn't enough, he has to go into the same hangar as the Millenium Falcon. Why does he have to go wherever the movies go? To conclude the tie-ins to Hoth, he was the one who helped the 501st set the bombardment beacon on a Rebel Transport in Star Wars: Battlefront II! Just give it a rest!

After Hoth, Swerto goes to Endor for a vacation, because a forest planet potentially filled with dangerous predators is a good place to relax. He then apparently participated a bit in the Battle of Endor in his Decimator, but mostly just watched the fight from afar. The ironic thing is that if he joined the battle, the Rebels obviously would have lost, since judging from his previous accomplishments, Swerto would be fricking invincible. Instead, however, Swerto's ship is shot down and he crash-lands on Endor, with (to no one's surprise) everyone else in his crew having died. He is then basically stranded there for a while, but then steals an X-Wing from the Rebel camp and leaves.

After learning about the Empire's fragmentation, he decides to resign from the Empire until there actually is a single Empire, which seems rather wussy, considering everything he'd done up to that point. I'm surprised he didn't try to set himself up as Emperor. Later on, he joins the forces commanded by Thrawn, and participates in the Battle of Bilbringi where Thrawn was killed, flying his Eta-2 Interceptor in the fleet battle (did I mention that he gives corny names to each of his ships?). Again the author insists on putting him in every conceivable major event of the Galactic Civil War.

The article then reveals that prior to this, he had joined the "Dark Shadow Sith" (seriously, Dark Shadow Sith? Sounds dark and shadowy!), which is basically a group of Dark Jedi who manipulate the galaxy for whatever their agenda is. Swerto is apparently annoyed by the fact that they call themselves Sith, since he "served a true one in the past" (presumably Palpatine). This makes no sense. How does Swerto even know of the Sith's existence, and how did he know that Palpatine was one? It's not exactly common knowledge.

Once he climbs to a significant rank in the "Dark Shadow Sith", Swerto meets some other Dark Jedi in the order named "Kenya". He starts training her on Korriban for a while. He also starts reconstructing a Star Destroyer that he found destroyed somewhere. How he got a hold of a shipyard and the necessary resources to do this, I have no idea. He also renamed this ship to the "Vleaski Doethu". Good luck referring to that in regular conversations.

Swerto then decides to meet with the "Dark Shadow Sith's" 12-member council, and proceeds to kill all of the members with ease. How does this guy get so powerful? There's TWELVE OF THEM!!! I cannot freaking believe that this article got featured. Anyway, Swerto takes over and renames the organization to "The Dark Order" (even less original than "Dark Shadow Sith").

It goes on for a while after that, but you get the idea.

Darth Tyler
"For of all sad words of tongue or pen, The saddest are these: "It might have been!""

- Maud Muller, a poem by John Greenleaf Whittier

Where to begin? That is the question.

I click the link Darth Tyler, suspecting from the unusual name that it may be a joke article. To my bewilderment, I see a not overly convincing image of a battle droid with a cape and a lightsaber. No sooner do I read the very first sentence.....

"Darth Tyler, previously known as T-1LR, was a force-sensitive Sith B-1 battle droid serving in the Trade Federation Droid Army, the Confederacy of Independent Systems, Galactic Droid Empire, and the New Confederacy of Independent Systems."

- Darth Tyler article, first sentence

.....that I find myself seriously reluctant to go on. Force-sensitive battle droid? I don't know about you, author (I call him author so you can tell the difference between him and his creation. I dislike it when people name characters after themselves), but I stopped fantasizing about Battle Droid Jedis shortly after I stopped making lego sets (and that was a while ago). It was also around the same time that not every fanon storyline or idea that ever came into my head had a clone of a main villan in it. Anyway, this Jedi Droid business will surely have an explanation earlier.

Let's look at the rest of that sentence. He just rattled off four Galactic Powers. "Darth" Tyler sure gets around. I'd go on a rant about this, but it's better suited when I actually get to that point in the article. In order to organize this review properly, and to also prevent from spoiling it for me, I skip the rest of the introduction and head down into the depths of this article.

Ok. "He" (because it's annoying to type "it" so much) starts out in the invasion of Naboo. Similar to Swerto Dragowhateverhisnameis, the author decided to have Tyler majorly involved in a major event (usually this formula requires it to be a movie event, but there are exceptions). In this case, the Invasion of Naboo. But before we go there, let's look at his origin. Tyler was apparently T-1LR (I'm pretty sure they don't use that scheme for designating their battle droids, but that's getting a little picky even for me), a B1 Battle droid manufactured on a "secret Trade Federation base on Eos" (I didn't know the Federation was in the habit of having secret bases, what with it being a company that happens to own a private fleet and army. However, I'm told that they did have a secret base on Eos after all in one of the games. thanks to User:Atarumaster88 for bringing this to my attention). He was then apparently the "prototype" of a line of force-sensitive battle droids (it is stated that this line was never finished, but there is no explanation). It goes on with this sufficiently memorable sentence:

"During his creation, he was fitted with a secret old Sith crystal on instructions from Darth Sidious as part of an experiment, the purpose of which was never quite made clear."

- Darth Tyler article, Invasion of Naboo section, Paragraph One

Very clever, author. A less alert reader would probably have never seen your plan here. The first step was throwing some mention of "an old Sith crystal" in order to "explain" the force sensitivity. Then, you state that it was the idea of Darth Sidious in order to make it sound better, or more mysterious, or whatever. Finally, you say that the reason for this whole experiment is never revealed.

Conclusion: The author couldn't think of an actual explanation, so he decided to throw two red herrings into the pond of his fanon, the first herring being the Sith crystal, and the other being the mention of Sidious. These fishy (couldn't resist) plot devices are designed to distract the reader from the real questions. For example:

(Note: Force sensitive droids are impossible in Star Wars, and even if they are possible, then it's stupid as hell. However, for the rest of the review I will try to ignore this entanglement.)

1. Why did the Trade Federation ever begin this project? They're a business, not some kind of evil scheming empire. Sure, the Nemodians were greedy jerks, but they're still running a business! They have no motive, means, or reason to even conceive of this project, let alone actually begin. This is where the mention of Sidious comes in. If the author use says that Sidious wanted it for unknown reasons, that's supposed to make the reader forget the pointlessness of the whole idea.

2. Aren't "old Sith crystals" in kind of short supply, thereby making the manufacture of several [or even a single] droid of this type somewhat difficult? Author's Solution: Sidious magically pulled a Sith crystal out of thin air because he's Sidious!

3. What possible use could the Trade Federation, or anyone for that matter have for force-sensitive battle droids? Author's Solution: You're not supposed to think about that.

The Darth Tyler article was later edited to address some points of this review less than an hour after I wrote it. The addressor (is that a word?), User:Unit 8311, made the following changes. Because any changes to the subject article could potentially make a review inaccurate, I will give my analysis accordingly.

Change 1: "He was the prototype of a line of force-sensitive battle droids, designed to be a new generation of superior battle droids". I don't see how this gives any new information. It was obvious that more effective battle droids would be desirable, but the reason for make force-wielding droids is the thing that eludes me.

Change 2: "he was fitted with a secret old synthetically created Sith crystal". The change is that it's "synthetically created". First of all, the entire Sith crystal thing itself doesn't make sense. The wookiepedia link to "sith crystal" indicates that they are lightsaber crystals. What do lightsaber crystals have to do with force-sensitivity? Sure, they were modified using the dark side, but they were modified for lightsaber use. I can only assume that the author was thinking of some other kind of crystal which has little resemblance to the one linked to at Wookiepedia. Either way, the role that these crystals had and exactly how they were created is not explained.

Change 3: "on instructions from Darth Sidious as part of an experiment, the purpose of which was never made entirely clear, although from all available evidence it seemed that Sidious was toying with the idea of creating some sort of droid elite for himself". This also provides almost no information. All it explains is essentially that Darth Sidious ordered them made because he wanted them to be used. What is that supposed to explain?

A mere hour later, 8311 changed the article again. As with before, I am forced to modify my review accordingly.

Changes 1 & 2: "be a new generation of superior battle droids and a cheap counter to Jedi, although this line was never finished"; "creating some sort of cheaply obtainable anti-Jedi weapon". The Trade Federation had no reason to create anti-Jedi units. The droid army were designed for protection of their trade vessels and other activities, not for fighting Jedi. As evidenced by dialouge between Nute Gunray and his assistant in TPM, the Nemodians did not expect or intend to engage Jedi under any circumstances.

Mere moments after my last update, 83 once again edited the article. I here enclose the change with my analysis:

"he was fitted with a secret old synthetically created crystal of Sith origin (that was created with arcane Sith alchemy)". I suspect that 8311 doesn't even know what Sith alchemy is, and threw that term in there in the hopes that I wouldn't research the topic. As it turns out, Sith alchemy is the "science" (so to speak) of using the Dark Side to mutate life forms. This has nothing to do with crystals.

Again, he changed it moments later. This time, it's Sith "chemistry", which is something he just made up.

Anyway, moving right along, Tyler was a security droid who was transferred down to Naboo for the invasion and what-not. Because he has to have a bunch of stuff to do with the battle(s), he captures the queen. He's also the droid told to take the prisoners to camp four, so that the author can say that his character appeared in the movie.

Later, he all of a sudden appears to be piloting an MTT on the battle of grassy plains. Shortly after, he hops into an AAT, because B1 droids are multi-purpose. There's no such thing as "pilot droids" or anything like that, which are programmed for piloting vehicles. Droids are free to jump in and out of random stations at will (although technically T-1LR doesn't have a will due to the Control Ship business). He's also the one who fired the shot that downed the gungan shield generator! Another "cameo" for the Jedi Droid.

Of course, we all know that all the droids were deactivated at the end, so how does T-1LR survive? Apparently, a laser bolt shoots off his antenna (must have been friendly fire, since gungans don't use blasters), which cuts him off from the Droid Control Ship's signal. Which means that he’s deactivated. Oh, wait. That would've made sense. At least the author acknowledges the absurdity of this by typing "To his surprise, he kept working", in yet another attempt to dodge the task of providing an explanation.

Moving along, T-1LR busts into a hangar and steals an N1 fighter (even though they were all launched and he's not programmed to pilot anything, let alone a non-Federation vehicle). He then takes it to a planet called Agon 9 (after going to Eos, where he finds a base there destroyed. what this has to do with anything else, I don't know), where he lives for a while. He eventually finds an ancient Sith Temple, because every planet has to have an ancient Sith\Jedi temple or enclave on it. The temple apparently also has information about Sith abilities, and presumably in Galactic Basic (Republic/Imperial trade language, AKA English), since there's no way T-1LR could decipher Sith hieroglyphics in any amount of time.

He then magically learns how to use the force (demonstrating with an experimental use of force push), and begins feeling emotions like anger, which is impossible because he's not programmed for that. He then figures out how to build a lightsaber.....

Do you see where this is going?

He takes his N1 which he can't pilot to to find a lightsaber crystal, even though he doesn't know anything about Ilum or its location. He then finds a red crystal for a lightsaber, goes back to Agon 9, and builds a saber using "spare parts". He then follows "the instructions", wherever those came from, and practiced until having "mastered" Soresu (third lightsaber form), since mastering a lightsaber form doesn't take years of experience, but rather just an expository sentence or two. To accomplish this, he builds training droids for lightsaber-to-blaster training, and presumably also masters deflection of laser fire as well (he better he REALLY good at deflecting lasers, because even a glancing hit would take him out for good). He then makes a hologram version of himself to practice saber-to-saber use, because it's really easy to make a hologram programmed to fight its creator. Apparently, the author also thinks that holograms can physically touch things like in Star Trek, which they can't.

Also, how can a B1 droid even use a lightsaber? All droids (and especially B1s) have movement limitations. Just look at the hands! They have three fingers, and they aren't very flexible. "Force-sensitive" or not, he can't just pick up and use a lightsaber just like that. Look at all the other displays of incompetence B1s have shown, too. B1s tend to fall apart after taking even the slightest damage. The idea that this joker could be able to even block lasers from a single opponent (never mind several opponents, or attacks from another saber-wielder) without extreme difficulty is just nutty (thanks to User:Squishy Vic for pointing this out).

He then flies to the Muunilinst system, where at the time there was a battle in the Clone Wars taking place. Deciding to help the CIS, he lands inside one of the Acclamator Assault Ships, which does not have anti-fighter weapons, tractor beams, or even a shield to keep intruders out of its hangars. He then fights his way to the bridge with ease and kills the bridge crew, followed by another group of clones who went to investigate, since Republic ships have absurdly bad security to the point that they don't send their entire crew of clone troopers, which is 16,000 strong, by the way, to overwhelm the droid with sheer force of numbers or situation-specific weaponry (ever hear of EMP Grenades? or explosives? or dozens of lasers heading toward different areas of a target at once? I suppose not). Apparently, there were no Jedi Generals commanding this ship, either.

Tyler then "uses the force" to pilot the Acclamator towards another one. This means that he either uses telekinesis to take over the controls which he knows nothing about, or he simply force-pushes the ship along, which would place him on the level of overpowered stupidity. Anyway, he then runs out to the hangar, apparently encountering no resistence that can even slow him down. Again, the security fails to notice that the ship may have changed course and takes no actions to get out of their collision course. The droid then steals a V-19 Torrent fighter and escapes.

Naturally, Count Dooku finds him after the battle and trains him further, making him a lesser-known (which seems odd, considering his accomplishments. He then goes on to fight in the Clone Wars. The article then "explains" a literally impossible victory that Tyler pulls off at Tanaab because he's also a brilliant tactical leader as well (I'll bet he can also make the galaxy's largest sandwiches, too). I'm not going to go any further into this absurdly stupid battle, so if you want to know about it, then you'll have to read it yourself.

Anyway, it then skips to after Count Dooku's death. Tyler apparently takes "a few" droids with him to Agon 9. They asked why they were there, and Tyler explains that he was resigning from the CIS. The droids, some of whom "learned individuality during the war" (which is impossible), decide to stay with the Jedi Droid, who takes on a new name.

Darth Tyler!!!!!

Epic. Just epic.

He then immediately sets about getting a droid army (never heard of that before).

"having learned of the universal control signal and the exposal of the secret base on Mustafar through the Force"

- Darth Tyler article, Droid Followers section, Paragraph Two

So this droid can just pull information out of thin air "through the force"? Sounds like a plot hole to me. By the way, the Mustafar base was destroyed after Vader's duel with Obi-Wan.

"reprogrammed all the droids so that they depended on their own independent droid brain and not a signal."

- Darth Tyler article, Droid Followers section, Paragraph Two

You can't just reprogram the droids so that they don't need a signal. That would require modification of each individual droid. And how the hell did he reprogram them anyway? Plot hole #2.

"Darth Vader's attempt at deactivating all the droids did not fully work, and none of the droids were deactivated."

- Darth Tyler article, Droid Followers section, Paragraph Two

Two birds with one stone: Make Vader and the Sith, who are the REAL villains instead of this Jedi Droid nonsense, look like morons, while at the same time allowing Tyler to get a droid army out of nowhere.

"Darth Tyler decided to make a droid factory and made hundreds of thousands of battle droids, the new Super battle droids and droidekas, each depending on their own brain. They received personalities and became just like organics, except with faster reflexes and better aiming. He named his army the Galactic Droid Empire, with Darth Tyler as the first Emperor to reign."

- Darth Tyler article, Droid Followers section, Paragraph Two

Following the tradition of EVERYTHING that the main character have be modified, upgraded, or something else done to it that makes it better than the original, not to mention the idea that he could actually possess the resources necessary to build and operate this presumably enormous factory without it even being noticed. He founds an all-droid faction (big surprise) and calls it the Galactic Droid Empire (real original name).

When he goes to Mustafar, it's apparent that the facility he goes to is actually the one from Star Wars: Battlefront II, where some Geonosian (Gizor Dellso) was trying to build his own private army of battle droids, and was also making schematics for some new kind of droid. Naturally, when Tyler finds the place, he steals the schematics for this new droid with ease, so that he has another ridiculous addition to his army.

There is then a short paragraph about some Verpine Jedi who escapes Order 66 and makes some army to fight against the Galactic Droid Empire (GDE), or some other nonsense like that. Tyler duels, and obviously kills the Jedi (if you want the details, then read the article yourself).

The author then goes on to explain some ludicrously easy victories against the Rebels and Imperials in the Galactic Civil War, along with some duels with Jedi. The idea that the remaining Droid Armies of the CIS would be able to seriously pose a threat to the empire, even after the droids' heavy losses in the Clone Wars coupled with their overall incompetence, is insane. Believe me. I have looked through every single battle that this author has made (there aren't many), and only once has Darth Tyler lost a battle. Only ONCE (thanks to User:Unit 8311, who notified me of the exception).

It goes on for a while, until Tyler comes across and tries to occupy a planet which Troyb, a Nemodian rip-off character who leads another rip-off CIS government, is also trying to take. This interaction was caused by Darthtyler (the author) and Troyb (another author who names his character after himself), who decided that since they both have CIS rip-off factions who never lose battles, they should collaborate. So they have a pitched battle on this planet which ends in a draw with both sides taking the exact same number of losses (because it would be sooooo unfair to make the other guy lose a battle).

Following the battle, Tyler and Troyb join forces and combine their governments. After this, they resume their over-wanked path of literally unstoppable destruction, because nobody can stand a chance against an army of cheaply produced droids lead by a businessman and a B1 Battle droid. If you think I exaggerate, read the following quote:

"As Tyler and Troyb conquered every world known"

- Darth Tyler article, New Confederacy of Independent Systems section, Paragraph Three

As if they weren't ridiculous enough, Tyler’s forces come across a Vong Worldship. They then "disable it". Seriously? It's a f***ing WORLDSHIP. These things blow up entire FLEETS. If this author knew ANYthing about how overpowered the Vong are against technology, he would know that Tyler wouldn't stand a damn chance. Of course, the great Darth Tyler is as always invincible. I wonder if he's ever had a battle where Tyler takes heavy losses (not that he'd LOSE. that's certainly unthinkable!).

More nonsense follows. Tyler and Troyb escape an assassination attempt, killing everyone involved. They even survive into the Legacy era with the New Sith Empire, building a second. What the hell? How did he get the resources to build a Star Forge? How did he get the plans? How did he even know of its existence in the first place!??! HOW, I SAY! HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!?!?!?

The article finally ends its biography section with another [unsurprisingly] short paragraph, explaining that after Troyb died of old age (I'm surprised that Troyb [the author] would stand for the idea that his character would die someday), Tyler ruled the galaxy for thousands of years. This sentence almost made me cry. Such an enormous effort put into such a ridiculous, unoriginal, self-glorifying, attention-grabbing load of absurdity.

Lastly, I will give my personal interpretation of a quote from the "Behind the Scenes" section.

"Many users on Star Wars Fanon dismiss this article as unreal, as they believe that droids cannot become force-sensitive. However, the author of this article says anything can happen."

- Darth Tyler article, Behind the Scenes section, bullet two

Translation: The author does not like to follow a basic set of rules.

Jerun Othorne
Next up: Jerun Othorne. Born 30 BBY to two biologists on Ossus. Less than a paragraph into the article's introduction, it mentions that his mother realized his force sensitivity when she saw him floating in his sleep. What? Yeah, sure pal. That's how force-sensitivity works. If you're sensitive, then you randomly use powers without any sort of training whatsoever.

Next paragraph, it mentions that at age five this Jerun fellow was inaugurated into his youngling class and began to train in "the more advanced and subtle arts of the Force", as if that's what younglings need training in, rather than all the nonsense like learning how to not accidentally kill yourself when trying to use your lightsaber. With the rest of the paragraph, it become evident that he was something of a scholar bloke who hung out at the Jedi library a lot. years later, he comes under "the watchful" of one Tereil Protheras, who is "the most skilled Jedi of his generation but also the wisest and by far the most powerful Jedi Knight in the Order abroad". Oh, that's original. I wonder if Yoda has anything to say about that.

Unfortunately, this Tereil guy doesn't seem to have an article of his own, so hell if I know what he is except for a Jedi. It doesn't say if he's a master or what. It is implied, however, since it's said that he unofficially trains the young Jerun (who by the way is actually named Thaddik Jesevas; I don't know why he has two names or why the author decided to confuse the reader like that). However, it is basically said that Tereil is a master when he takes Jerun as a Padawan at age 13. They then fight in the Clone Wars, get some kind of special force bond, and Jerun becomes a great pilot and even greater warrior. Just like everybody else.

Before you start to think that this character is just a standard show of unimagination, then finish the article. He fights in the Battle of Utapau ("my character fought where the movie characters fought!"). "After" that,[ even though the Battle of Utapau didn't end until after Order 66 was given,] Jerun travels to Felucia and saves the two Jedi Barriss Offee and Aayla Secura from Order 66 by warning them about it. How in bloody hell he figured out about Order 66 is a mystery. Together, they then travel to Cophrigin 5, some obscure planet, where they plan to save Tereil Prostheras and another canon Jedi named An'ya Kuro. Kuro is better known as "the Dark Woman", who is supposed to be killed there by Darth Vader. The odd thing about her being saved by Jerun there is that I'm pretty sure she wasn't there the whole time of the Clone Wars; that's just where she Exiled herself.

Whatever.

When they arrive at this planet, they kind the two Jedi being attacked by Darth Vader and Darth f***ing Maul. Yes, you read that right. Darth Maul "faked his death". First of all at this point in time Darth Vader isn't even in the suit, so how could he go to this planet to fight these Jedi? He should be on Coruscant attacking the Jedi Temple! As for the Darth Maul thing... well, to be frank, if I have to explain what's wrong with that to you, then you need to get some help (so much for the Rule of Two).

The Jedi then go medieval on Vader, cutting off his legs and one of his arms with ease. Needless to say, this is Bols***. Vader is shown to be capable of nearly defeating eight Jedi Masters at the Conclave on Kessel by himself, and he gets his ass kicked by a mere two Masters, one Knight, and a Padawan even with backup from Darth Maul? Darth Maul then pulls Vader to safety and the two "escape". You may think that this part at least shows that the author isn't totally shameless, the reasoning being that If he wasn't, then Maul and Vader would both be dead. But that's wrong; he just wants to drive home the idea that they could've won easily.

The group then goes to Dagobah (gotta go to every movie location sooner or later, right?), where Barris and Jerun are Knighted by Yoda, even though they had no way of knowing where Dagobah is, where Yoda was, or whether or not he was even alive. Yoda then tells them to go to Tatooine at a certain point in time to train Luke. It also states that Obi-Wan was killed by Darth Vader on Mustafar, which I suppose is better than simply having them tag along with the movie cast. At least the author is deliberately diverging from established canon rather than piling more stuff on top of it (but don't get your hopes up on this article).

Afterward, the Dark Woman stays to train with Yoda on Dagobah. Offee goes to Mirial (her home planet) to train "an army of Jedi" to fight the Empire. You've got to be kidding me. There's no way in hell one Jedi can train "an army". It takes decades to train ONE Jedi.

I guess Master Offee is a multi-tasker.

Another problem with this future Jedi Army deal is the fact that there's no way that this army, assuming it was possible for such an army to be created, could evade detection of the Empire for long. Surely one of the Emperor's Hands, or Inquisitors, or 'somebody' would find them. That's what they're for: finding Jedi.

Anyway, Master Tereil then goes to the Unknown Regions to "learn among the [nonexistent] foreign force-users". He'll then become a smuggler mechanic rebel helper or some shit. Whatever.

In 2 BBY the personal ship ("Blue Justice") of Thaddik (AKA, Jerun) recieves a message from Barriss Offee and her resistance asking that he join the newly formed Rebel Alliance.
 * Problem 1: How do any of them know about the Rebel Alliance?
 * Problem 2: "Blue Justice"? You've got to be kidding me.
 * Problem 3: I can guess how many Jedi Barriss trained in this time! Two! No, wait... THREE!
 * Problem 4: "Blue Justice"?

Needless to say, Jerun becomes a General in the Alliance. In the same year they go to Luke on Tatooine (who is 17 at this point). They tell him about Vader his father, the Jedi, life, the universe, and everything,. yadda yadda yadda. Also, Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru are killed by the Empire during this, even though they had no actual reason to do so. Anyways, this convinces Luke to come with them to Hoth to train in the force, because WE HAVE TO GO TO ALL THE MOVIE PLANETS.

One day when helping some fellow rebels escape from Corellia ('man', time flies!), the gang is captured by Imperials (it doesn't say exactly who is present at this occasion, but whatever). The article then explains that Han Solo (movie character tie-ins are also a must-have for unimaginative writers) breaks them out of the Imperial prison. I guess only the Lord on high knows how or why Han busted them out. Anyway, Han joins the Rebellion after this.

On another mission, they're captured by the Death Star and interrogated by Maul, who is "Vader's Apprentice" (talk about pissing on the Rule of Two without even thinking about it). At this point, "Leia Organa and a Rebel strike team rescued them from their holding cells".
 * Problem A: What was Leia doing on the Death Star?
 * Problem B: What was a Rebel Strike team doing on the Death Star?
 * Problem C: Why did they break the gang out of the cells?
 * Problem D: How did they even know that they were there?

Anyway, during the break-out they're attacked by Darth Vader, who kills Barriss Offee. Luke charges Vader, but Jerun holds him back, and they escape on the Millenium Falcon (wherever the hell that came from). Come to think of it, why did the heroes run away? With so many hero characters in one place and Vader alone, they should be able to wipe the floor with him (if the previous engagement is any indication of their strength). I guess it was to add "tension" to the "plot". Incidentally, where was Maul during all this? Taking a nap? And how did the heroes get away? It doesn't even mention deactivating tractor beams.

At this point, Luke goes to Dagobah to be trained under Yoda, and Jerun starts wandering around the Outer Rim (again). he meets some Pirate/Corporatio Leader guy named Osik De'Grear and convinces him to join the Rebellion. They eventually become pals. In a rather humerous move, De'Grear is protrayed by one of the most ridiculous-looking anime characters I've ever had the misfortune to see, which basically destroys any chance of taking this character seriously.

Note that the state of the Galactic Civil War is never mentioned.

Later (and I mean MUCH later because as mentioned earlier, time flies and main characters never age), Osik, Jerun, and Jacen Solo are captured and tortured by the Vong. Thaddick (Jerun) is tortured "to the edge of insanity, and it is said that he lost his sanity and went insane". It then says some gobbledegook about the pain awakening an evil self (or whatever), and he changes his name to Jerun Othorne "because he's too dark to keep his old name".

Evidently he does some evil things, because in the first sentence of the next paragraph he changes his name to Darth Rayze and becomes a Sith.

He becomes a Sith. Who saw that coming?

It then goes on for a while after that, saying he kicked some ass in the post-NJO era into the Legacy series, but whatever. I'm sorry, but I can't make myself read this any further. One more funny thing here is that the table of contents for the body of the article are after all this stuff, meaning I just read the introduction. Humerously, the body of the article is not nearly as long as the intro and doesn't go as far in time.

That's the longest introduction I've ever seen. Now I want my 30 minutes back.

Closing
My fanon, has none of this childish nonsense. My main contribution to this wiki is the Dark Order War, and all of its related articles. It is dark, and gritty. There is no great hero, no ultimate champion of the people. It is about the Sith, and their threat which was unwittingly started by an unknowing, power-hungry fool, namely Jaden Korr. It's seriously way more original than the nonsense I find all over this wiki.

NKSCF's work relies on a few really big yet poorly-done articles for all the undeserved praise it gets. Mine in contrast, is about good articles, and as many as can possibly be made. As for Swerto, I've got no clue how his stuff ever got featured in the first place.

This is NOT intended to be any form of insult directed at anyone or their work. It is merely the opinion of one person among many, on what he perceives to be a lack of creativity here at SWFanon Wiki.

Billions and billions served.