Talk:Star Wars: Civil War/@comment-173.90.97.218-20190805173140

Hello! Sorry I haven't been able to reach iew this for you, had some other stuff going on.

So, as with the last two times I will be honest, but am not trying to be mean.

OK, I feel this was a bit of a step back from Ryloth under seige and '' Revival. ''

First, this book was extremely under-described. You will need to work on that.

Characters were off, especially Han. ( which was unfortunate, since you portrayed him so well in the last one. ) Leia wasn't in it enough to tell but she seemed fine. Ponds was off still and  Stone didn't feel right.

Wesson and Patrick were fine,  Scrape was a huge cliche villain, you'll want to improve on that for the future.

I felt there was too many earth references, I would suggest finding the star wars version of that sorta stuff.

Also, I felt there was too much swearing for a star wars story. ( not too much to get the page erased though. ) I think it would be better if you cut down on it, or used star wars swears instead.

Again, there was a few continuity errors, that shouldn't be to hard a fix though for next time.

Also, another things is lack of information, which coincides with lack of description. ( Such as, how did Han know that Spectrum was at the bar? That could've been revealed through inner monologue or an extra scene. )

Another things, it would help to create breaks for scene changes. ( It suddenly changes from Leia to Han's POV in the same paragraph. It would be better to do something like this.

''Bly smiled, knowing Wesson would say something like that. ''

''Onderon, outside Eltons Bar. ''

Han and Chewie pulled up there speeder bikes, parking them next to the large assortment of other craft ''that waited next to the old bar. '')

Please don't take this as an insult, I'd hate to hurt your feelings. You have tons of potential, I've seen it in your past work, you just need some practice.