Grim Tidings/Part 4

Mmnnrrawhee!

Slejux's auditory organs caught the sound, and the super-sensitive cilia on his head felt the faintest pressure that the sound waves generated, but he thought he still must have missed something, because while he was processing the strange sound, Tirien groaned and laid a hand over his eyes, and Narasi pressed her lips together in a way Slejux had come to associate with humanoids attempting not to smile when faced with the greatest temptation to do so. He had just been about to draw out Master Kwhuel's holocron, but he set his satchel down and waited for his companions to explain.

"Narasi…" Tirien growled.

Slejux heard the faint laughter Narasi was struggling to bottle inside. "I swear, Master, I thought I got them all…"

"It would seem…my apprentice…" Tirien made each word distinct. "…that you were mistaken."

"Well, it's a big ship for little them," Narasi said. "Lots of hiding places."

Tirien took his hand off his face, and Slejux did not need eyes to understand the expression he was giving her. "Go search them, then. Thoroughly this time."

"Yes, Master." Those rumblings of amusement deep in her chest, sealed behind her closed mouth, echoed behind Narasi along with the vibrations of her bootsteps as she headed after to the Second Chance ' s engineering section.

Even sitting "still", all beings made tiny movements imperceptible to humanoid eyes but obvious to Melitto cilia, and so Slejux perceived that Tirien was still looking the way Narasi had gone. "You neglected to mention your ship was haunted, Tirien."

"I didn't realize it still was."

"And what is it haunting you, my friend?"

"You've never encountered them?" Tirien sighed. "How pleasant that must be…"

Slejux chuckled. "By all means, alleviate your suffering by sharing it."

"Gizka," Tirien growled. "We picked up an infestation on Darkknell, and it's been a nightmare trying to get rid of them all. It doesn't help that Narasi finds them cute, either."

"Gizka…" Slejux cocked his head. "No, I've never encountered one before."

"Give it a minute, you're about to."

And sure enough, after a few minutes Narasi returned, holding in her arms a small, reptilian creature which twitched against her hold; she patted it with one hand and gave it soothing thoughts in the Force. Its two little feet paddled the air underneath Narasi's arm as if it was swimming, and little nubs where most creatures would have ears wiggled. It opened its mouth and croaked, "Mmnnrrawhee!"

"I found him!"

"I see that. We'll put it out of the ship like the others…"

"In hyperspace?!"

Tirien gave her a look. "Of course not in hyperspace, I'm not a monster. We'll drop it off on Carosi." He sighed. "Which will be sure to endear us to the Carosites…"

"You know, Master…" Narasi started.

"No."

"I'm just saying, maybe the Carosites wouldn't be happy about us bringing a gizka to their world," she suggested innocently, continuing to pet the gizka; its tail wiggled in a bid for freedom now and then, but it seemed resigned to being held for the moment. "Maybe it'd be best if he stays on board with us."

"And let it out in the Crescentia?"

"Well…" Narasi mused; Slejux noticed she was looking at the bulkheads, the ceiling, the gizka…anything that wasn't Tirien's eyes. "Just one gizka probably wouldn't be all that much fuss. We don't use that one cabinet—"

"Narasi, we are not keeping a gizka."

"I'll feed him and take care of him," she offered. "You don't have to do a thing."

"Except twice the maintenance we already do!"

"Naaaah, I'll make sure he's full and doesn't have any room for wires," Narasi cooed, scratching the gizka behind the ear stubs; it gave a froggy coo back. "Besides, he's adorable!"

"It is not adorable; it is a gizka."

"An adorable—"

"No, just the regular kind."

As subtly as he could, Slejux reached up to turn off his vocoder; when he burst into laughter, which he knew was only seconds away, he wanted them to hear it as little as possible.

"C'mon, Master, why can't we keep him?"

"For the same reason we can't keep a mynock, Narasi: it will eat the ship. And that's assuming it doesn't lay eggs and breed more of them—"

"That's the beauty, Master, he's a male!"

Tirien cocked his head, studying the gizka's underside, then looked back up at Narasi. "How can you tell?"

"Well, you see the tapered snout here?" Narasi touched the gizka's snout with one hand; it lurched toward the possible escape, but she snugged her grip with her other arm. "Plus this spotting pattern on the back…"

Tirien was staring. "How do you know all that?"

"I looked it up on the Crescentia."

"Now you do a research project?!"

Narasi grinned. "See? Already did all the ground work, I know all about them."

Tirien rose, digging in his pack for a datacard which he tossed to Narasi; she caught it on reflex, but the gizka seized its chance and hopped out of her arms, scampering across the floor. They both watched it go, then Tirien said, "Slejux pulled that data from the Crescentia. I'm going to make sure you didn't miss any gizka; I expect you to know all about the Carosites by the time I get back.  And don't let that thing eat any wiring!"

He headed back toward the engineering section, and after a moment Slejux followed.

"You know, she—" he started to say, but there was only a faint buzz on the sides of his neck.

"I'm sorry, were you trying to say something?" Tirien asked. He didn't turn around from the engine system he was examining, but the sarcasm in his tone was inescapable. "It seems someone turned off your vocoder."

The vocoder caught the last of Slejux's sheepish chuckle as he switched it back on. "It seemed the more courteous alternative."

"Than encouraging her madness? Oh, I quite agree."

"You know—"

"Don't you start with me too."

"I was merely going to observe," Slejux said, "that a Jedi must always appreciate the value in all life, but during a time of war, there is especial danger of us focusing so much on the battle and violence that surrounds us that we become numb to the taking of life. And for a Padawan the danger is all the greater, since she is still learning what it is to be a Jedi."

"And when you change your mind and take your own Padawan," Tirien remarked, opening a coolant access panel, "I will scour the galaxy from one end to the other if you wish to find you a gizka you can give her."

Slejux held out his hand, alert for any vibrations Tirien did not cause. "Admittedly it's a touch unorthodox…"

"Unorthodox? Jedi taking a pet across the galaxy at all is unorthodox; taking along a pet that will actively attempt to eat their mode of conveyance is insanity."

"It's not that unorthodox for Jedi to have pets. I myself had a derbit in the Temple."

"I'd be happy to get her a derbit. Or a pittin.  I'd even get her an akk dog; we'd have to convert the cargo bay, but…"

"Is it possible that it is now you who is being unreasonable?" Slejux suggested.

"I'm being hyperbolic."

"Am I to conclude they are not the same thing?"

"Hyperbole is a perfectly legitimate rhetorical technique, thank you…"

They passed a few moments debating appropriate rhetorical strategies as they opened panels and inspected wiring; Slejux found a few wires whose shielding had been gnawed thin, but Tirien was able to replace them in a matter of minutes. As the Pantoran Knight lowered himself into the cargo bay from the inside access hatch, Slejux offered him a glowrod, then asked, "What do you know of Carosi?"

"Only where it is, and the basic demographics of the place. You?"

"Little more," Slejux admitted. "The Carosites are renowned as healers; I seem to remember someone referring to them as 'sentient bacta'."

"That's troubling."

Slejux thought he followed his friend's train of thought. "Because it makes them both less likely to have an effective means of resistance against slavers and more valuable to their ultimate purchasers?"

"Exactly," came up through the hole in the floor. Tirien's bootsteps rang on the cargo bay floor for a moment before he stopped. "Though, as I think about it, it doesn't make it any less likely to be a trap; a planet of peaceful healers would naturally inspire sympathy and a protective urge."

"We'll be enough," Slejux assured him. "Her affection for the unusual aside, your Padawan is an exemplary Jedi and a fine fighter."

"I know." Tirien appeared below the hatch and passed the glowrod up. He made it up himself in a single Forceful leap, but as he closed the panel, he said, "But if it's a trap, that doesn't mean the Carosites are out of danger. It might even be worse; imagine the sort of people the Sith would have to send to be confident of defeating us, even if they didn't try to take us alive."

Slejux nodded. "Or they might threaten the Carosites to make us surrender. I take your point, but I stand by my analysis.  We'll simply need to be cautious and in tune with the Force."

Tirien nodded, then sighed. "Let's go see if my Padawan has anything of value to contribute to the plan."

They returned to discover that Narasi had taught the gizka to hop on command; she sat crosslegged on the floor, and when she patted her knee, it hopped over to her and rested its head on her thigh. She grinned and fed it what appeared to be spare wires; it croaked, "Mmnnrrawhee!"

Even though Tirien stared for a long moment, Narasi still looked up before he found words. "I named him Gizmo!"

"Gizmo," Tirien repeated.

"Yeah. You know, because he eats mechanical wiring.  This is all surplus, though!" she added. "Not spare parts, we just had it lying around."

"…Gizmo."

"Yeah."

"Gizmo the gizka."

"Yeah!"

Tirien stared a moment longer, then turned and banged his head against the bulkhead with a sharp metallic clang. Gizmo croaked, Narasi winced in sympathy, and Slejux folded his hands to keep one of them from reaching for his vocoder switch again.

Tirien straightened. "Entertaining as teaching your gizka tricks undoubtedly is, if memory serves, what I told you to do—"

"Oh, I know," Narasi said. "Carosi. The Carosites are mammals, and they only bear younglings twice in their lives.  There's a lot of other biological data, but that part's important, because I think it contributes to their culture.  They're big on life—really big.  Healing is almost a religious thing for them.  They're pacifists usually, but sometimes they can get violent defending their patients; I'm not sure how they're gonna react if the strong, healthy people are targeted.  Oh, and you two need to be careful, they think of thoughts as inviolate; respond to what they say, not what they think."

Slejux turned to face Tirien, who was silent for quite some time. Gizmo said, "Mmnnrrawhee!"

Tirien laid a hand over his eyes. "I'm going to go meditate…"

He walked off to the cockpit. When Slejux heard its door seal, he commented, "Impressive."

Offering Gizmo another wire with one hand, Narasi tapped something lying flat on the deck with the other—her datapad, Slejux realized. She had programmed it to read itself aloud to her; it unpaused and said, "—sale of alcoholic beverages is severely restricted on Carosi IV…"

Narasi paused it again; Slejux's cilia felt the faintest whisper of pressure as she winked. "Multitasking."

"Why of course." Slejux seated himself opposite her, moving slowly so as not to startle the gizka. Gizmo regarded Slejux with his big, recessed eyes, hopping a little farther behind Narasi, who scratched his neck.

"Do you think keeping him is a bad idea?"

"Assuming, for the sake of debate, that you can keep him from eating the ship?" When Narasi nodded, Slejux gave it some thought. "Caring for another life is beneficial to Jedi. We can learn much even from smaller creatures."

Narasi nodded. "Think Tirien will—"

"Provided," Slejux added, "that you don't grow too attached."

The young Zygerrian sighed, rubbing Gizmo's head until he hopped away. "You know, I still don't get it, Slejux."

"Get what?" When she hesitated, Slejux said, "I'm not even your acting master anymore, Narasi, you can tell me if you'd like."

She drew her knees up to her chest, crossed her arms over them, and set her chin on her forearms. "Well, we're told attachment is such an evil thing, but…well, take you and Tirien. You're friends, aren't you?"

"Of course."

"And you'd be sad if he died, wouldn't you."

"Very."

"So isn't that attachment? Does that mean you're a bad Jedi?"

Slejux didn't fire off an answer, giving the question some thought to ensure he chose his words carefully. "I don't think so, no. Friendship, companionship, camaraderie—these things are all just another way of saying 'compassion', which is a respect for others and a desire for what's best for them.  Jedi need those traits; they define what it is to be a Jedi.  Attachment is more about greed; attachment is about what you want."

"Well, what about love, then?"

"Love?"

"Yeah." There was a nervous edge to Narasi's voice, but she leaned forward, giving Slejux her whole focus. "The Tapani Jedi get married, don't they? They have families, and houses—whole estates.  And didn't Master Quindacil just get married?"

Vleen Quindacil's very public marriage on Iseno a few weeks before had certainly been the talk of the Order, and though Slejux had not personally worked alongside Raven or Raina Kaivalt, he knew their people's unique Jedi tradition. "Everything you just said is true, but love—romantic love, now—is different."

"Why?"

"It's…" Slejux held up a hand to forestall her next interruption, determined to phrase this correctly. "In a way it's an inherently possessive emotion. I am yours and you are mine—how many species' marital promises include those words, or something expressing the same sentiment?  Yes, romantic love has the same desire for the other's wellbeing and welfare, but it also carries a sense of mutual completion—that each completes the other.  And a Jedi should be complete in and of himself, needing only the Force."

The vibrations in the air showed Slejux Narasi's frown, and so he said, "Consider it this way. Tirien is my friend, and I value his friendship.  And if I could end these wars at the cost of his life, I would pay that cost without hesitation.  He would expect nothing less; certainly I would expect him to do the same.  Would you sacrifice my life to end the wars?"

"Like…completely end them? No more Sith?" When Slejux nodded, Narasi tightened her jaw and nodded back. "Yes."

"And Tirien's?"

She hesitated, and Slejux patted her hand. "I know how much you care for him, and he for you. But remember that we're Jedi; our first purpose is service to others without thought of self.  And if you hesitate at the idea, imagine how much more you would hesitate if the cost was someone you considered your other half, a mate for both body and soul."

Narasi sat back and Slejux sensed her deep in thought. Gizmo hopped back over, and she petted him without showing any sign that she was aware of the motion.

"As for Gizmo," Slejux said, "something tells me you'd be willing to sacrifice him to save the galaxy, so I think he'll be all right."

He had hoped to lighten the mood, but Narasi sighed. "We're always so…grim."

"We?"

"The Jedi. 'What would you give up to save the galaxy?'  'It's okay to have friends, as long as you're okay with all of them dying horribly someday.'  'Compassion's good, love leads you to the dark side…'"  She sighed. "Life creates the Force; don't we honor it more by celebrating life? I get not letting yourself get sucked down by misfortune, but it seems like the Order wants us to be unhappy as a preventative measure.  Or at least bored."

Slejux had never heard it put quite that way before; it took him a moment to rally a response. Moments like this were exactly why he had felt overwhelmed serving as Narasi's interim master. But he suspected sending her down the corridor to ask Tirien instead would suggest he did not have an answer himself, which would be even less helpful. "I think the Order's view is that there's more happiness—not momentary pleasure, but true fulfillment—in separating ourselves from the negative lures of our emotions."

"So the Tapani and Master Quindacil are wrong?"

Slejux managed not to shift in discomfort, but only just. Interpreting Jedi dogma to answer a novel question was one thing, but openly criticizing other Jedi, including Jedi Masters, was quite another. "I think…they risk dangerous kinds of attachment."

"So it's a risk, not a guarantee?"

Slejux studied her a moment, then chuckled. "You know, Tirien and I were just discussing useful rhetorical techniques."

He perceived her lips curving into a thin smile. "Well, something was bound to rub off. But so?"

"Attachment leads to possessiveness, jealousy, greed—all anathema to our core beliefs as Jedi, and destructive of our purposes."

"I was studying old records about…" She paused, and Slejux sensed she was editing. She began again. "I was studying old records, and I came across one from a Jedi. Not just any Jedi, a famous one—one of the companions of Revan.  He said that the problem with love isn't the love, per se, it's passion."

Slejux considered that. "A fine hair to split."

"Well, you'd know better than me how a fine hair tells you a lot," Narasi goaded.

Slejux laughed. "Touché."

"And even further back, Nomi Sunrider…"

"Loved Ulic Qel-Droma?" Slejux finished for her. "Yes, I've heard that story."

She blinked. "I didn't know that. I was actually gonna say she was married too, wasn't she?  And she became Grand Master."

Seeing a pattern in her researches, Slejux said, "The Jedi Order has evolved over time. What was true in Sunrider or Revan's day isn't necessarily true now."

"So what's best for the Jedi can change?"

"No, but our understanding of the Force changes. It has to; the Order grows and is enriched by each successive generation.  If there is no difference between the Jedi of Revan's time and the Jedi of ours, then we've failed; we should grow and evolve as we become closer to the Force and discover more of its will for us.  Our individual lives should be marked by growth and deepening understanding of the Force, but the life of the Order is the same, just on a larger scale."

Narasi looked lost in thought for a while before her expression abruptly relaxed and she patted Gizmo. "There you have it, buddy; if I can't keep you, it's because of the evolving understanding of the Force."

Slejux laughed along with her, suspecting her ears were not sensitive enough to pick up the forced nature of the buzz from his vocoder. His relief at her acquiescence on the topic disquieted him; while he was not Tirien and not ultimately responsible for her instruction, he was still a Jedi Knight, and questions such as hers were hardly uncommon, even if she found some innovate phrasing. He wondered whether he was letting her down.

He did not want to dive back into a battle he had so narrowly escaped, but he knew a Jedi Knight had to be better than that. "Don't stop asking questions, Narasi—of me, or Tirien, or anyone else from whom you can learn. It's the only way you'll grow."

She smiled. "Thanks, Slejux." She scratched Gizmo's head, and he croaked. "Think Tirien'll let me keep him?"

"I'll work on him for you." He gestured to the datapad. "Of course, you make it an even easier sell with your subject matter expertise and research skills…"

She grinned, fed Gizmo a wire, and said, "I'm on it."

And Slejux left her there on the deck, cooing, "Who wants to learn all about Carosite geography? I'll bet you do!"

"Mmnnrrawhee!"