The Fanon Menace/Season 2/Episode 3 script

Tatooine -Meet Luke

 Luke, come up here! The Jawas are here, and it’s your birthday today!'

 Coming!


 * *Jawas set up droids with Artoo and Threepio numbers three and five in the seven-droid line. Luke arrives*

 Pick any two of your choice, Luke. Happy birthday!

 That one and that one. *points to two droids at the end of the line as Threepio and Artoo*


 * *droids explode*

 Ok…those two! *points to two droids at other end of the line*


 * *droids explode*

 That one? *points to droid between Artoo and Threepio*

 We’ll take those two. *points to Artoo and Threepio*


 * *Threepio and Artoo follow Luke inside*

 How much?

 Houdini!


 * *Owen hands over credits*

Death Star -Threaten Leia

 Tell us where the plans for the Death Star are hidden!

 We’ve been over this. You have to find out for yourself.

 Oh, yeah…I meant, where is your Rebel base?

 I can’t tell you.

 I’ll give you a Wookiee Cookiee…

 You can’t bribe me! And what would I want with Wookiee treats anyway?

 It’s not…never mind.


 * *Tarkin enters*

<Leia> Grand Moff Tarkin, who mixes up his words. I expected you to be holding Vader’s leash.

<Tarkin> I’m not here to hold Vader’s leash, you poodle! I let brawn do that.

<Leia> I’m not a poodle! And who’s Braun?

<Tarkin> I mean fool! I’m not here to hold Vader’s leash, you fool! And I meant Pawn. I mean, Thrawn!


 * *camera pans to reveal Vader with a rope around his neck. Camera follows rope to Thrawn*

<Leia> Oh. So why are you here?

<Tarkin> Where is your Rebel base?

<Leia> I should have guessed…

<Tarkin> We’ll show you a computer simulation of Alderaan!

<Leia> What’ll that do?

<Tarkin> I mean, we’ll blow up Alderaan!

<Leia> You wouldn’t dare! No one dies in this series!

<Tarkin> Well, my young slave girl, that is where you are wrong…

<Leia> Slave girl? I’m a Princess!

<Tarkin> That’s what I meant.