The Distance of Homecoming/Story

“You’re different from the last time I saw you.” Chelan Isoderi leaned back into the wicker rocking chair, holding another tall glass of homemade thanatoberry wine stolen from the hidden stash in the pantry.

Nalieza jumped off the divan at the far end of the veranda, in search of another drink to find a temporary method to deal with her cousin’s incessant nosiness. It was thirty minutes after the final ceremony of their grandfather’s memorial services, and now she finally understood why her father always kept a flask of “courage juice” in his pocket whenever he used to visit her mother’s family. When she received the notification about the death of her maternal grandfather, Nalieza didn’t feel grief. That wasn’t unexpected, considering they had a very distant relationship only partially caused by living on opposite sides of the galaxy. But she decided to attend the funeral with some hope of connection to her ancestral past, especially the people who created the woman who gave birth to her.

“You were happy once,” Chelan said.

“Our grandfather died. We’re supposed to be in a period of mourning.”

“But G’pera didn’t want us to mourn him. He was destined for the Marsa Plains, so why shouldn’t we be happy?”

Nalieza looked through the portable cabinet that was usually stocked for necessary diversions by her grandfather and, on certain occasions, his wife. A small bag of loose herbal tea leaves lay within a net bag along with some unfinished knitting, but nothing was in there that could provide temporary relief. Maybe her grandfather had become a teetotaler in his final years. Nalieza remembered an older man sitting in the wicker rocker with a multicolored assortment of bottles in the cabinet. The patriarch allowed himself a cordial, whiskey, or brandy depending on the time of day and the degree of his melancholy. A few drinks every day was how he coped with those things that always bothered him, but he would never admit disturbed his emotions. Coeus Isoderi was stubborn and old-fashioned, and would never seek intervention from any medical professional. Medications were for the morally flawed; only the occasional temple healing was appropriate for such an upstanding member of the community.

Maybe he shared a trait in common with the woman who gave birth to Nalieza, although her depression was far greater and forced her to escape from life.

“Grandfather always said you shouldn’t be living there alone on Lacace. Nobody’s looking after you. Paurilis should have put his foot down and told you to stay with him.”

“He stayed with me for three years. But it reminded him too much of Mother, so I told him to go back home.”

“No thirteen year old should ever have the right to tell their parent to go away and leave them alone.”

“I haven’t been alone. My birth sponsor happens to be my secondary guardian.”

“That is not even close to living with your father.”

“We’ve always trusted each other. It’s only been me, Dad, and G’mata since I was two.”

“Our grandparents wanted to be closer. But Paurilis deliberately got you away from here after Maiena died. You could’ve had the best life.” Chelan took a long swallow of wine. “But now you’re involved with the holocinema business, doing nothing practical or worthwhile.”

“Just like my mother,” Nalieza replied, turning away from the cabinet.

“That’s what G’pera believed.”

Nalieza heard this accusation from the old man several times during their rare conversations over the Holonet. He believed there was a strong connection between mother and daughter. Maybe he did have a point; Nalieza had become fascinated by the mystery of who her mother used to be.

“He said that right up till his last breath. Remember I helped take care of him.”

“Your financial contributions were generous.”

“I provided him with the chance to stay here and die at home rather than in a hospice. You could have contributed some money during his last years. All that responsibility shouldn’t have fallen on my shoulders.”

“Your grandparents couldn’t even find time to leave and show themselves during Maiena’s memorial ceremonies.”

Chelan’s right hand and quarter-filled glass of wine shook in unison. “They grieved for her! All those years ago your mother chose to die-”

“Be careful how you talk about her.”

“She did bring you into life. That provides some balance to her regrettable choices later on.”

“You think she was responsible for her mental condition?” Nalieza wanted to push him, choke him, or something physical, because he was blaming Maiena for the mental state that mutated into something horrible after the miscarriage of her second child.

“Dreamwork could have yielded much if she allowed herself to encounter those demons which troubled her soul.”

“You really believe she didn’t go into the center of her own mind?”

“She might have been afraid to venture into the darkness within her.”

“A bunch of temple healings was not going to rid her of depression.”

“But she might have found guidance during her struggles with intervention from the Creatrix.”

Nalieza turned away from Chelan and walked over to the veranda railing. Her mother had sought every known cure for years. But losing a child made any further attempts impossible.

“If she remained here instead of chasing some dream…” Chelan took another swallow of wine “…I shouldn’t speak ill of the departed.”

Nalieza gripped the railing. “You’ve been doing it for the past ten minutes.” Her mother always wanted to be an actress. That desire was viewed as some kind of insult to previous generations of Isoderi women who married and became mistresses of their respective households while the men earned respectable incomes in proper conservative professions. Very few of her mother’s family ever left the planet, but Maiena wanted something that couldn’t be found on her birth world. She got on a shuttle bound for Lacace, along with Paurilis, and never looked back.

That push toward an unknown destiny seemed to pass from mother to daughter, because Nalieza had the same pull toward acting. Maybe it was some kind of method for understanding her mother; it wasn’t pure coincidence that got her cast as the fictional offspring of her mother’s former character on New World. That curiosity pushed her into another realm that once interested Maiena; dreamwork was one of the ancient temple practices of Ultraian folk medicine. Nalieza began studying the art of entering a being’s dreams to help sort out emotional problems. The pull between a fast-paced life and a slower path while living on Lacace was the source of tension that ultimately destroyed the relationship between Maiena and her parents. It was different for Nalieza, who always had the support of her father no matter what path she decided to follow.

There was no chance of any relationship with the Isoderis. But maybe she could finally discover that hidden connection with Maiena. The anger she felt dissipated, replaced with a sudden understanding that she could never argue with people who could never comprehend the journey toward something larger than a constrained life.

She turned to Chelan with a smile. “I’m certainly different from the last time I was here. I was a child then. Now I’m grown-up.”