Talk:Star Wars: Revival/@comment-5148107-20190808230320

Alright, Ricky. I've finished reading through Revival and as I said I would, I'm here to give you some honest feedback.

PROS

- You write character PERSONALITIES fairly well, to the extent that I feel that their interactions between each other are believable.

- There are some philosophical moments in Revival that I found to be truly touching, particularly the scenes with all the clones, Leia, and Bail, and the flashback scene with Mace and Ponds. That scene in particular stuck out to me, and I felt some sort of emotional impact from it. The idea of "peace being the default state of the galaxy" was a concept that I'd never really considered before, yet still always realized.

CONS

- The pacing and scene transitions was very strange. I found myself confused in a few places where I was and who I was following. One example is in the first chapter, where you bounce back and forth between Ponds's perspective and Stone's perspective.

- Description was lacking or nonexistent. Much of the story is merely action and dialogue, so I found myself unable to picture most of the settings and in some cases, the characters. Personally, I was able to picture many of the characters only because I knew who they were, but otherwise that needs improvement.

- On that note, I couldn't understand the motivations and backstory of some characters. For example, I could see some history behind Stone, especially in his relationship with Ponds, however I don't believe you ever expanded on that. I haven't read any of the prior stories that I know include Stone (particularly the Stone novel), so having a little bit of exposition on his past would make the story much more appreciated by new readers.

Furthermore, as a second example, I found myself questioning Aurra Sing's motivations. I know you had that scene where she says she wants to "blow up the Rebellion," but I don't recall you explaining why. I may have been somewhat ignorant in my reading, but I feel like I ought to have remembered that.

- Building further off of that, the story by the end felt convoluted and in some cases convenient and coincidental. (Such as when Carg goes to see the clone mercenaries and right after he tells them about the ambush, it happens)

I don't intend to imply that the story is bad in that I have more cons than pros--those were simply off the top of my head. I could go much more in depth if I went through the story word-for-word again. I actually found the story to be compelling, and it honestly has so much potential. With more description and exposition, I think Revival could be something TRULY great.

I also wanted to ask, did you find some inspiration from any of the scenes in The Clone Wars: Ultimates? I noticed some similarities to the first episodes in the Mace Windu and Ponds flashback scene in that the wise and charismatic Jedi teaches the clone about the realities of the galaxy. (That scene is definitely my favorite, by the way!) Don't take this as an accusation of copying Ultimates by any means, by the way, I was only curious--I thought the scene was awesome!

In short, it's a good story with so much potential to be great. I'm looking forward to reading the next story you've requested feedback for!