HP:Tiberius Henry Zaren

This is the review page for Tiberius Henry Zaren.

Objections

 * 1) I really like this article. There are some grammer mistakes. When they are fixed I will vote to support. Nice job Wing! [[Image:AndeLeg.jpg|20px]] Arav  (talk ) 05:48, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Grammar mistakes fixed. [[Image:AndeLeg.jpg|20px]] Arav (talk ) 05:39, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *You should be listing what these grammar mistakes are when you oppose an article, Arav. Just as a side note, I find it ironic that you've misspelled "grammar" in this opposition. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom) (Record) 05:58, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * [[Image:AndeLeg.jpg|20px]] Arav (talk ) 22:31, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) Your article's pretty good, thought it does have some problems that need to be fixed. So here's my review:
 * Intro
 * 1) *In the second paragraph, "Thermobraic" should be spelled "Thermobaric".
 * Maiden Voyage
 * 1) *"Maiden Voyage" should be spelled "Maiden voyage" unless it's an actual event.
 * 2) *Twice in the first paragraph, once in the image, and once in the last paragraph, you spelled "Thermobraic" incorrectly. It should be spelled "Thermobaric".
 * Search for Loque
 * 1) *Once in the fourth paragraph, you spelled "Thermobraic" incorrectly. It should be spelled as "Thermobaric".
 * Personality and traits
 * 1) *In the second paragraph, "Thermobraic" should be spelled "Thermobaric".
 * 2) *For the most part, it was just the word thermobaric that tripped you up. It's quite a good article otherwise. Good job. --[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 18:39, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Whoops! Missed one. The first image in "Early life" says Tiberius with her father, Daniel. That should be his, don't you think?--[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 18:43, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Fixed.  Wing   msg 23:24, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1)  My quibbles are as follows:
 * 2) *In the ‘Introduction’ and ‘Maiden Voyage’ section, as well as once in ‘Personality and traits’, as well as ‘Search for Loque’, all mentions of ‘thermobraic’ should be changed to thermobaric.
 * 3) *In ‘Early life’: ‘his wife, Virginia Zaren, he was moved and raised by his parents on Coruscant’ should be changed to ‘his wife, Virginia Zaren. He was moved and raised by his parents on Coruscant.’
 * 4) *Same section: ‘manage the the’ should be ‘manage the’. Delete repeated word.
 * 5) *In ‘Maiden Voyage’: ‘he was farewelled’ should be ‘he was bid farewell’ or something on those lines. ‘Farewelled’ isn’t a word.
 * 6) *Same section: ‘undiverse’ should be ‘non diverse’ or something on those lines.
 * 7) *In the section ‘Great Expanse War’: ‘it's’ should be ‘its’.
 * 8) *Same section, same again, but regarding the Republic.
 * 9) *Same section: ‘Tiberius lead his fleet’ should be ‘Tiberius led his fleet’.
 * 10) *Same section: ‘what concerned him, is how the ground assault was going’ should be ‘what concerned him was how the ground assault was going’.
 * 11) *Same section: ‘The Dimeans crossed into the Inner Rim, sieging upon worlds’ should be ‘The Dimeans crossed into the Inner Rim, laying siege upon worlds’.
 * 12) *Same section: ‘Tiberius lead the defense of Hapes’ should be ‘Tiberius led the defense of Hapes’.
 * 13) *Same section: ‘maintain it's sovereignty’ should be ‘maintain its sovereignty’.
 * 14) *In ‘Search for Loque’: ‘must do what he believes is right’ should be ‘must do what he believed to be right’.
 * 15) *Same section: ‘The next competition would be a safe duel between the Dimean commander’ should be ‘The next competition was a safe duel between the Dimean commander’.
 * 16) *Same section: ‘Chancellor Jorben however, decided that Tiberius may keep his command for his service to the Republic’ should be ‘Chancellor Jorben however, decided that Tiberius could keep his command for his service to the Republic’. Past tense, remember.
 * 17) *In ‘Personality and traits’: ‘and it's planets’ should be ‘and its planets’.
 * 18) *Same section: ‘crew so much to the point, he resigned’ should be ‘crew so much to the point where he resigned’.
 * 19) *Otherwise, I really enjoyed the storyline and all round article; well written, and, if these are fixed, I have no problems with this becoming a good article. --[[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 19:23, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Fixed.  Wing   msg 23:24, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) I will not support Star Trek being shoehorned into SWFanon. -MPK, the So-Called Free Man (The Free Man's Talk Page)|undefined 17:50, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *It's not completely being shoehorned. The Expansion Region was the furtherest of explored space in 13,000 BBY. Someone would have needed to explore areas of it, which is why I am making explorers whom find these worlds and some worlds I make up. I am leading up to the exploration of the Mid and Outer Rims.  Wing   msg 21:39, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * MPK, assuming you're referring to the exploration stuff, then Wing's right. He's following a piece of canonical information in that the Expansion Region was the furthest explored space by the Republic at that time. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom) (Record) 21:49, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Although, I will admit some ideas were borrowed, but I don't see it as me shoehorning it.  Wing   msg 21:52, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Brandon, I find it preposterous that you of all people are defending this. -MPK, the So-Called Free Man (The Free Man's Talk Page)|undefined 22:49, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I'm defending the idea of having a story about exploration. TheStarWarsRP.Com has a timeline where the Republic has only explored to the end of the Expansion Region, which is where Wing got this from I presume, and that is based on a canon fact. Now, I'm not defending the actual story itself, because I have yet to read it. I'm simply saying there's nothing wrong with having a story about exploration. If it's simply Star Trek that you have a problem with, meaning the images he used, then answer this. Why did you vote for Conrad Bac and say "Brandon has yet to run out of steam"? Why have you never voiced any concerns about Jonathan Bac? - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom) (Record) 23:23, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * If the differences really go over your head, then attempting to explain it would be futile. -MPK, the So-Called Free Man (The Free Man's Talk Page)|undefined 23:38, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Again, I haven't read the article, but if it's simply Star Trek itself that you have a problem with rather than how it's used then I see this as nothing more than bias. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 23:39, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) My only objection is that there are not nearly enough links within the article. You make reference to all these different things and I would like to know more aboiut them. If it wasn't for that, I'd support even if it IS Star Trek. <font color="#008080">Katana <font color="#008080">Geldar  06:57, 2 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments

 * 1) Looks good. I'll review it tonight. [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 06:09, 25 June 2008 (UTC)
 * All right, I admit I was out of line. I'll give this a proper examination tomorrow. -MPK, the So-Called Free Man (The Free Man's Talk Page)|undefined 01:04, 27 June 2008 (UTC)

Is anyone else gonna look at it?  Wing   msg 22:50, 15 July 2008 (UTC)


 * I don't see a vote from you on the nomination for Gloaranian, so it's a bit impolite to start becoming impatient over how long your nomination is taking when you're not even extending the courtesy of a review to other nominations. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 23:28, 15 July 2008 (UTC)