A Flow'r, Once Fallen/Part 4

Sleep on it, Narasi had told herself. She had been up for hours writing and re-writing, even knowing she would pay for it in the morning when she woke to train, and sure enough, exhaustion dragged at her and almost pulled her head back down into the blissful, warm softness of her pillow, like a silken cloud…

She wrenched herself upright, blinking hard and relieved to see the time on the chronometer was still the same. Yawning, she pulled her datapad over and only then remembered her unsent message. She had at least had the good sense to stop obsessing, leave the message for a night, and see how it looked in the morning, but that left the deed undone and gave her a chance to worry anew. Grimacing, she pulled it up and read it over.


 * H EY A LDAYR . I HOPE YOU AND M ASTER D ARAKHAN ARE SAFE BACK ON THE  C ORONET'S J EWEL .  T IRIEN AND I ARE ON A LDERAAN VISITING THE KING; HE'S THINKING ABOUT A LDERAAN LEAVING THE S ENATE BECAUSE HE'S CONCERNED WITH THE DIRECTION THE R EPUBLIC'S TAKING .  T IRIEN'S TRYING TO TALK HIM OUT OF IT, AND IT SEEMS LIKE HE'S MAKING SOME PROGRESS .


 * I T'S GORGEOUS HERE ; A LDERAAN'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PLANET I' VE EVER SEEN, AND NOT JUST BECAUSE THE LAST ONE I VISITED WAS V JUN . T HEY HAVE HUGE FLYING REPTILES CALLED THRANTAS; PEOPLE RIDE THEM, AND THE KING SAID HE'D ARRANGE A RIDE FOR ME .  N OT SURE HOW I FEEL ABOUT THAT ONE, HONESTLY ; I' D RATHER NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MY "VEHICLE" MAKING ITS OWN DECISIONS .


 * I TALKED TO T IRIEN ABOUT V JUN, AND WE'VE MEDITATED ABOUT IT, BUT I' M STILL HAVING NIGHTMARES . T IRIEN SAYS IT'S DANGEROUS FOR ME—FOR US—RIGHT NOW .  H E SAID BEING SO SURROUNDED BY THE DARK SIDE AND GOING THROUGH STUFF LIKE THAT CAN OPEN US UP TO TEMPTATION .  I THINK HE MEANS TO BE ANGRY AND STUFF, AND I CAN SEE WHY; THERE'S A LOT TO BE ANGRY ABOUT NOWADAYS .  H AS M ALI GIVEN YOU ANY ADVICE?  A RE YOU HAVING NIGHTMARES TOO? 


 * I' VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED WHEN WE GOT BACK . I' D RATHER DO THIS IN PERSON, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHEN I' LL SEE YOU AGAIN, SO I HAVE TO ASK : W HAT DID IT MEAN ?  W HAT DO WE DO NOW ?

Narasi read it twice and was still dissatisfied. She found herself wondering what it had been like for him: she had still been bloodstained and dirty, and hadn't brushed her teeth in days. Aldayr's chapped lips had chafed a little on hers, and she had tasted blood on his. Worse, she was almost sure she had caught his lower lip with one of her fangs. Should she ask, or wait and see if he said anything? Even thinking about it had been mortifying; the only consolation she'd had was that she'd been dressed, but since Aldayr had kissed her—since they had kissed, she told herself; she hadn't exactly been an unmoving pillar in response—the fact that they'd spent a day completely naked together had gone from "necessary inconvenience" back to its original state of "humiliating".

Was it too blunt to say "when we kissed" instead of "what happened when we got back"? Was the "what happened" option too cowardly? She didn't want to be a coward—she was still a Jedi—but nor did she want Aldayr to think she had no sense of tact or romance.

And what did it mean? From Taanab to Milagro she had thought little of him and thought of him as little as possible; from Milagro to Vjun they had become friends. But now? Was it just the last twist on an emotional roller coaster before they came back to the station? Had he been planning it even before Vjun? Did it mean he was interested in her? Were they allowed to be interested in each other as Padawans—as Jedi?

Was she interested in him?

Aldayr was handsome enough, and his dark blue eyes were pretty. He was taller than her, and that was kind of nice. He was Human, of course, but Narasi thought it unlikely she would ever find a Zygerrian to date…

And that sent her mind spiraling back down the same wormhole that she'd fallen into every few nights the last two weeks. Last year, she hadn't even thought about it, but ever since Anaxes she felt like a different woman. Being here on Alderaan made her think of Prince Taylo's deep, alluring dark eyes and the way they'd made her catch her breath, and Aldayr's kiss had awakened considerations she hadn't even known were asleep.

Maybe I just have a thing for dark eyes she thought with a nervous giggle. She toyed with the final line and finally settled on:


 * I' VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THE LAST TIME WE SAW EACH OTHER IN THE T EMPLE . W HAT DID IT MEAN TO YOU ?  W HAT DO WE DO NOW ?

It wasn't perfect, but Tirien would be expecting her in minutes, and the most she had accomplished was getting herself upright, so she signed her name, attached the datapad to her beacon transceiver, gritted her teeth, and sent it off. The moment it was gone part of her wished she could call it back, but she tried to clear her mind. No doubt Tirien would sense her mental disconcert, and she could hardly ask his advice, even if she had thought he could help.

There were fitness clothes in her closet, and Narasi opted for them as she went to meet Tirien outside the palace. The royal guards waved her through the gate and over the moat without ceremony, and she wandered onto the grassy cuestas just outside the city. She was following the Force toward him when she saw a bright flash and picked up the pace, slowing only when she saw him waiting for her; like her, he had chosen Alderaanian fitness clothes and a web belt with clips only for his comlink and lightsaber.

"What was that flash?" she asked as she jogged up.

"So you could see it from that far…" He sounded pleased.

"That was you?"

"New Force technique."

"Oh, right. Show me?"

"Later, perhaps, when I've had more practice. For now, let's run."

They set off over the grass, which sloped up in a gentle but consistent incline; Narasi's legs were starting to burn when Tirien called a halt after a few kilometers, but they were both still breathing evenly. "That was a good run. Back to the palace?"

"Yes," Tirien said, "but the long way."

He pointed. Aldera went right up to the cliffs overlooking the lake on one side, but on the other, the island extended well beyond the city limits. The green plains swept ever upward before finally banking sharply into mountains that dropped off on the other side into the blue waters. Narasi sighed. "Right. After you, Master."

An odd light came into Tirien's yellow eyes; Narasi would've called it mischievous if her mind hadn't rebelled at the idea of Tirien Kal-Di and mischief in the same sentence. "Let's race the next leg. You see that ridge?"

She looked down his arm. "Yep."

"Get ready, then…set…go!"

They both shot off at dead sprints. Tirien was a little taller than her—Narasi suspected he probably always would be—and he was full grown too, but her Zygerrian strength gave her more than just brutal haybalers. Leaning into her sprint, she was able to power herself forward with her legs to keep even; sometimes she even nudged ahead.

Then, halfway to the ridge, something happened. Tirien edged even, then ahead…and then he picked up speed abruptly, crossing ten meters in the time it took Narasi to cross one. Even though her legs were burning and her lungs pulling air down and forcing it out as fast as possible, she felt as if she were moving in slow motion as she watched him streak away. She slowed in disbelief; she could only faintly discern the figure that stopped at the ridge and turned toward her. Shaking her head, she completed the rest of the race at a jog.

"How did you do that?" she demanded, although her panting took some of the bewilderment out of her voice.

"Well, it seems unfair that only I learn new Force techniques…"

Narasi glowered. "You cheated."

"That would be true if the goal was to see who's faster," he retorted. "Since it isn't, allow me to explain. You're used to altus sopor and curato salva, of course.  Force speed works as a combination of the two."

"So…immersing myself deeper into the Force and recharging my body at the same time?"

"Exactly. You need to let yourself sink into the Force—focus on where you need to go and let the Force carry you there.  Don't try to make sense of it; it's much faster than you could ever run on your body alone.  In a way, it's the horizontal equivalent of Force acrobatics."

"Huh." Narasi weighed it in her mind, then nodded. "Okay. Where to?"

Tirien looked around, then said, "On my signal, run to where I am."

He ran off, stopping in the middle of a patch of green a hundred meters away. Digging her shoes into the dirt, Narasi was just wondering what the signal was when she saw another flash. She launched herself forward, trying to focus only on Tirien and thinking, faster, faster! The run sapped her of her energy more slowly, but she reached Tirien at only her own speed.

"If you'll forgive the pun, you're trying to force it," he commented. "Try again, and focus on the goal; let the Force take care of how you get there."

Another hundred meters, another flash, and Narasi bolted. She tried to pull the Force into her, thinking only of the destination as if she was leaping instead of running. As the distance shortened, the wind in Narasi's ears picked up, and Tirien seemed to go from still to frozen. Then she hit a step with her right foot and propelled forward and off the ground, careening over and past Tirien with a wide-eyed scream.

She managed to hit the ground with a roll, but she went into two more somersaults and bounced on her back before she finally landed. Groaning, she flipped onto her stomach and pushed up to her knees. Tirien had unfrozen, and he strolled over with raised eyebrows. "Well, it was an improvement."

Narasi growled at him as she got to her feet, checking her smaller left horn to make sure she hadn't re-broken it. "Yeah, I feel real improved, Master."

"You were falling into the Force the right way, you just took the Force jump simile a little too literally." Tirien considered for a moment, then gave her a sly smile. "Tell you what, let's race the next one—I swear I'll stick to Pantoran speed. Say, to that patch of pale scrub grass?"

Narasi brushed off her knees. "Let's do this."

"Ready…set…go!"

They got running, and again they were neck-and-neck. Narasi focused on the scrub grass, and when Tirien intruded on her peripheral vision she focused harder. She could feel the Force flowing through her and she let it, committed to the win; she thought only of herself on the scrub grass, letting the Force erase the green between…and now, as she closed in, Tirien was falling behind…

Narasi rocketed past the scrub grass and, determined not to go heels-over-head again, she ran out her sprint until she could slow naturally. She turned and saw a distant, waving figure that she realized with shock was Tirien. It took her several minutes to jog back—so long that she sensed Tirien had used the time for quick recovery meditation.

"Better," he said, opening his eyes. "Much better."

She stared at him. "Master, I overshot by three hundred meters."

"I said 'better', not 'perfect'. But you channeled the Force with more control, and you stayed on the ground."

She grumbled. "But it didn't feel controlled."

He nodded. "It often doesn't. Force speed is a power that takes a lot of practice before you really get a feel for it.  And in a battlefield setting, if you need to cross a large distance quickly with a hundred distractions all around you, focusing is all the more challenging.  Fortunately, we have plenty of opportunity for more practice."

They continued their long circuit around the island of Aldera in fits and starts as the sun rose over the mountains; sometimes Tirien raced her, and other times he set the mark to see if she could summon the power without a competitor. It came sporadically, and she kept overshooting or slowing too early. Additionally, by the time they reached the city, she discovered another downside to Force speed.

"H-How…are y-you…not ex…hausted…?" she panted, leaning again a statue's plinth and trying to fill her aching lungs. Her legs trembled under her.

Tirien laid a hand on her shoulder, and she felt a surge of energy; she was far from her peak, but she breathed more easily. "Because I've been using Force speed longer. It's exhausting by nature, and it will be for a while; even I can't use it indefinitely.  That's why Jedi don't use it nonstop, all the time.  When you're ready, though, you can incorporate it in other ways."

"Like what?"

"Dueling. Ataru masters more or less need to be experts at it.  I suspect Kenza is."

He took his hand away and Narasi's shoulders slumped, but she could still breathe. The city was just starting to come to life as they returned to the palace, and none of the Alderaanians gave either of them a second glance even though one of them was a Zygerrian. One of the royal guards gave them a wave at the gate.

"People are so…nice here," Narasi said.

Tirien chuckled. "You sound so confused."

"Well, it's not really the dominant vibe in the galaxy…"

They parted at their rooms—despite her assurance that she had gotten her wind back, Tirien absolutely refused her challenge of a Force speed race through the palace—and Narasi checked her beacon transceiver. There was no return message from Aldayr, nor was there one after she finished showering. Jamming the transceiver into its spot on her belt and working to ignore the temptation to check it after she dressed, she ate the breakfast that had been left for her, then found Tirien just finishing a conversation with an Alderaanian attendant.

"The king has invited me to join him on a holo-call with Senator Antilles this afternoon," he reported.

"Just you?"

"You're my Padawan—your presence is implied unless it's explicitly forbidden."

"So what do we do until then?"

He seemed to be weighing the same question on the fly. "I'd like to read a bit more political history before this meeting. You go to the library and find something educational to dig into.  We'll meet here in…four hours for meditation before lunch."

"Yes, Master."

Three helpful Alderaanian attendants and one perhaps-overly-helpful protocol droid steered her toward the castle's library, and even Narasi, who had grown to adolescence spending part of most days in the Jedi Archives, was impressed. Stacks twenty shelves high stretched the length of the rectangular room, each with a data terminal listing its topics and allowing more detailed browsing. The circular reading room at the end had shorter stacks spread throughout, but several comfortable chairs and settees for reading, as well as a few holoprojectors and work desks; it sat beneath a dome of stained glass.

Narasi killed some time browsing, but finally picked a data book and plugged it into her datapad. Curling up on a couch, she glanced up only when someone came in, though usually it was a staffer or a droid sent on some errand. They all seemed to feel compelled to greet her when she met their eyes, so after a while she stopped checking, trusting the Force to warn her if some Alderaanian had turned murderous. She looked up next only when she was spoken to.

"Good morning, Narasi," Princess Vamiri said.

Narasi's eyes widened and she untangled her legs. "Good morning, Your Highness."

The princess consort waved her down. "Please don't get up. May I join you instead?"

"Of course. Please."

She sat in a dignified way. Her hair was done up in a complex bun with elaborate loops hanging below like jungle vines; Narasi wondered if she had a droid to do it or had somehow found the time herself. Vamiri looked at the datapad. "What have you been reading?"

"Uh, it's called…" She checked. "…A Concise History of Alderaan."

"Betigan's work?" When Narasi checked again and nodded, Vamiri said, "He's a rather famous historian. Of course, tens of millennia of history don't really lend themselves to concision, which makes Betigan's accomplishment all the more impressive in some academic circles, while others accuse him of giving major topics only cursory treatment.  But for someone new to the world, it's an unrivaled primer."

"Tirien's reading something about Alderaanian politics, but I figured he already knew a lot about Alderaan, since he's a Knight. That's kind of the advanced course, and the intro is more my speed, you know?"

She wondered belatedly if that was too informal for the wife of the planet's ruler, but Vamiri smiled. "Is it difficult, being apprenticed to so accomplished a Knight?"

"Sometimes," Narasi admitted, "but on the whole I wouldn't trade it for the galaxy. I learn so much from him every day."

"And he from you?"

"Well, he says so, anyway."

Vamiri looked at the datapad again. "Has any particular topic caught your interest?"

"The Battle of Alderaan. During the Great Galactic War."

"There's really only been the one." Vamiri sighed. "A particularly dark time in our history—both for the event itself and for what followed."

"I haven't finished reading about the battle—what followed?"

"Civil war," Vamiri replied, her face darkening. "A contention among the noble houses of Alderaan for the throne, and an abandonment of Alderaan's commitment to peace. For a time, Alderaan became one of the Republic's most militant worlds, to rival Anaxes or Carida."

"Was that wrong?" Narasi asked. "We were at war with the Sith. They almost won that war, didn't they?"

"For a long time the Republic's victory was in doubt," Vamiri agreed. "But when no one speaks for peace and temperance, militarism can quickly become barbarism. Defeating the Sith requires courage and commitment, but not ruthlessness and genocide."

Narasi remembered enough Jedi history to keep up the fight a bit longer. "Well, the Treaty of Coruscant was supposed to be peace, right? But then they sacked the Temple, and after that was just the Cold War, and then war all over again.  My masters have taught me that the Jedi—that any civilized society—can't coexist with the Sith."

"Then they've learned the lessons of history, and are not making the same mistake that was made then," said Vamiri. "But the people really at the heart of this conflict, the Sith Lords driving the engines of war, are only a fraction of a fraction of a percent of the beings on 'the Sith side'. Sith citizens, merchants, traders…even many Sith soldiers are just going about their lives.  Surely the Jedi would not preach extermination of the entire Sith Empire."

"No, of course not," Narasi said. "But you can support the war without supporting genocide."

"Certainly—and Alderaan has, for six hundred years. But we've also supported peace, in every way we can, and as narrowly tailored a war as possible—enough to achieve victory without unnecessary brutality.  Not every world in the Senate advocates for such restraint."

"Well, all the more reason for Alderaan to stick around, right?" Narasi said; Tirien might be the Chancellor's diplomat, but nothing said she couldn't give him a hand. "To be the voice of moderation?"

"It's one thing when that voice is heeded, even listened to," Vamiri replied, her face troubled. "It's another when that voice falls upon deaf ears."

Narasi knew she was starting to swim out of her depth; nearly three years as Tirien's Padawan had given her more exposure to galactic politics and diplomacy than some, and she thought she had made good points, but she had yet to acquire her master's flair for trapping others with their own words until they wound up arguing with themselves. Still, she gave it another shot. "People can't listen at all if Alderaan leaves."

"Actions speak louder than words," Vamiri returned. When Narasi grimaced, Vamiri smiled again. "This isn't what you prefer, is it? Diplomacy and negotiation?"

Narasi winced. "Is it that obvious?"

"Not by your words—you raise good arguments, and they're worth considering," Vamiri said. "But I think you prefer battle with lightsabers rather than words."

"I…yeah," Narasi admitted. "And you're the other way around."

"I am," Vamiri said. "Before my marriage I worked with the Alderaanian Consulate on Delaya, and occasionally for the Royal Alderaanian Diplomatic Corps throughout the sector and on some other Core Worlds. I've always loved the exchange of ideas—there's no path to real, lasting peace without mutual understanding."

"Or if you prefer a comparison closer to your heart," she continued with a smirk, "negotiation is a more elevated form of combat. Defeating a wrong enemy only requires the pull of a trigger or the swing of a blade, but defeating a wrong idea requires wisdom and persuasion—and patience."

"The swing of the blade isn't always that easy." Narasi frowned, but she sighed and conceded, "But your style sounds a lot like Tirien—war with words."

"You're very different people," Vamiri observed.

"Yeah, but in a way that works. Are you and King Rosulus a lot alike?"

"In many ways, yes. We're both deeply committed to Alderaan's core values, and to ensuring that our daughter understands the responsibilities and duties that come along with the many privileges and opportunities she has, both as royalty and as an Alderaanian." Vamiri thought for a moment. "If we have a major difference, it's that Rosulus wishes to define Alderaan in the context of this event, where I think it's important to view Alderaan not merely now, but in light of millennia past, and with the millennia to come in mind."

"Well, then, shouldn't you agree with us?" Narasi argued. "That it's better for Alderaan to stay in the Senate? Won't it stick with Alderaan's reputation if you quit the whole process and stay home when…"

Vamiri raised an eyebrow, but that wasn't why Narasi stopped. Her eyes narrowed as she got an echo in the Force… "Wait…you do agree with me, don't you?"

The princess smiled and chuckled once. "You're more insightful than you give yourself credit for, Narasi."

"But then why are you arguing with me?"

"Contrarian polemics are a useful rhetorical device. They force you to confront weaknesses in your beliefs and develop your argument further as your understanding evolves."

"Hmm." Narasi still stood on her views, but it did seem a very Alderaanian exercise.

Princess Vamiri laughed. "I know—a planet of philosophers. And yet a society without philosophy loses something essential."

"Well then, I hope the Republic doesn't lose Alderaan."

"As do I." She glanced at her chronometer and rose. "Please excuse me, Narasi, I have a meeting with trade representatives from Delaya."

This time Narasi rose too, and bowed. "Of course, Your Highness."

Vamiri lingered a moment. "I'm sorry to impose, Narasi, and of course Tirien's demands upon your time take precedence. But if you have time today or tomorrow, would you spend some of it with Elyria?  She's very interested in learning more about the Jedi."

"I'd like that," Narasi agreed with a smile.

Vamiri smiled. "Thank you, Narasi. May the Force be with you."

"And also with you."