Star Wars Fanon:Featured articles/Nominations

A Featured article is an article that represents the best that Star Wars Fanon has to offer. Out of articles on this wiki, less than fifty are currently Featured Articles. Articles that no longer meet the criteria can be proposed for improvement or removal by the Council of Seers. A Featured article is also an article that adheres to a certain standard of quality that is higher than the standard of quality for Good articles. In order to become a Featured article, an article must first be voted as a Star Wars Fanon Good article. It should be of a very detailed and of substantial length, long enough to promote every single detail about the subject, though short enough to where it does not become a hassle to read it or edit it.

For more information on what makes a featured article, see our Featured Article requirements.

Nomination
In order to be considered for Featured article status, an article must reach Good article status by being voted upon by the Council of Seers and the membership of Star Wars Fanon. Once an article has become a Good article, the author of the article must nominate the article for Featured article status on their own accord. The nominated template will also be added at the top of the Good articles that are nominated.

Voting
The Council of Seers, and they alone, will vote on each nomination. They will review by adding comments, critique, and feedback on the articles up for nomination. They will vote on whether or not the article is of Featured Article quality, and once at least five of the eight members of the Council of Seers approve of the article, the article will become featured.

If for whatever reason the author(s) of a Featured Article nominee become(s) inactive and the objections of the Council of Seers remain uncorrected, the article will be removed from the nominations list and moved to the list of rejected nominations. Once the author returns, they may re-nominate the article if they intend to correct the objections.

Approved articles
If an article is voted in by the Council of Seers, it will be added to the list of featured articles, the upcoming article queue, and to the history of featured articles.

Current standings

 * Merkory Chal'wala (0/5)
 * Sela Kerroro (0/5)
 * Battle of Kothlis (Cruentusian War) (1/5)
 * Hayai Oujou (0/5)
 * Desnium (3/5)

Approve

 * 1) Good job. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 18:03, 9 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Resigned as a Decreton Lord, so he is not a member of the Council of Seers. Therefore, the vote is invalid. - Brandon Rhea (talk) (contribs) 02:26, 7 October 2008 (UTC)

Disapprove/complaints

 * 1) It's a good article, with promise, but I don't think it's FA material quite yet. There are a few things that can be done to make the article better. Here's a list of the most obvious things:
 * 2) * Remove the bullet points from the infobox; they're not needed.
 * 3) * In the infobox, add to the "Personal information" section, or hide it (insert hidep=yes).
 * 4) * Expand, or merge as appropriate, all sections with the possible exception of The Brotherhood of Darkness.
 * 5) * Expand Legacy, Personality and traits and Talents and abilities.
 * 6) * Put a bullet point in the BtS section, or remove it completely.
 * 7) * Fix the categorization.
 * 8) * Fix punctuation in the introduction.
 * 9) * Thats all I can find for the time being. Darth Abeonis Sith Council Sith Campaign 22:17, 25 March 2008 (UTC)
 * Done and done [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] My page iChat What I've done 20:05, 25 March 2008 (UTC) 08:51, 28 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Dangerously near Mary Sue.
 * 3) * None of the images are properly sourced. Solus  (Bird of Prey)  20:48, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) **Fixed the images, but I disagree with the first one. How do you believe it's a Mary Sue, and how do you believe I could rectify this? [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 16:46, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) ***Um...let's see how I can explain this.
 * 6) ***#Respect from a well-known canon character has potential for Mary Sue, unless handled right. Love from a well-known canon character automatically adds a whole lot of Mary Sue points - there are next to no exceptions of that rule of thumb.
 * 7) ***#Visiting well-known planets has potential for Mary Sue. Visiting a well-known planet that no one is supposed to have visited, that almost no one knows about, and doing something important there adds loads of MS points.
 * 8) ***#Having an army has potential for Mary Sue. Suddenly getting an army adds many MS points. Suddenly getting an army that can challenge a well-known government is an automatic MS point jackpot.
 * 9) ***#There are several other minor things, but that's the major stuff. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:58, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 10) ***#* I see. How would you propose I change this without actually screwing up the storyline and would you believe it to be too MS for the other DL's to support? [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 17:02, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 11) ***#**I don't know, on either count. For the first, either somewhat of a rewrite or scrappage is in order, but I don't suggest the latter, the article has potential. As for the other DLs, how about you ask them? I can't speak for them all. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:05, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 12) ***#***I see. I'll wait to see what the other DL's think first. [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 17:11, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 13) I agree with Solus on what he's currently said about Mary Sue characteristics. This is my opposition until I read through this article again to see if it's up to standards in other regards. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom) (Record) 16:44, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 14) **I see. May I point out, however, that someone has to lead an army and there does have to be a leader? [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 09:18, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) JM76's comments
 * 16) * The whole intro paragraph is very comma-abusive. Maybe its just personal preference, but the less commas, the better. Many of the long sentences could be easily split into smaller sentences.
 * 17) *The "Force" should always be capitalized.
 * 18) *"Merkory completed this mission with ease..." PoV
 * 19) *"It was estimated that Merkory slew one hundred and eleven Sith that day." By his lonesome? That's a bit of a stretch, considering you're fighting in close-quarters against armed and trained Sith warriors who could be using anything from lightsabers to heavy repeaters.
 * 20) *"Merkory was powerful and fought well, but the Sith Lord easily overpowered him..." easily is PoVish.
 * 21) *"Vires couldn't see his face beneath the armor, but, as the fight escalated, Eldorio managed to slice the face part of the armor off, revealing Merkory beneath." Might want to fix that, it seems to imply that Eldorio is wearing armor.
 * You'll also want to change "couldn't" to "could not". - Brandon Rhea (talk) (contribs) 02:26, 7 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *Very bare BtS. &mdash;  JM ' 76 ' Ask Archives [[Image:Sabersmilyjm76.jpg|18px]] 02:22, 7 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) **Those issues are solved. I'll do the BtS soon. --[[Image:Darth tom sig.png|100px]] (talk) (contributions) 08:55, 18 October 2008 (UTC)

Disapprove/complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) Image:EsCape.jpg is not sourced properly.
 * 3) Personality is Mary Sue-ish. - Solus  (Bird of Prey)  16:35, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) *Sorted out the first one, but no idea what you mean by the second. Mind elaborating? [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 09:19, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) JM76's comments
 * 6) *Bare BtS. Looks good besides that. &mdash;  JM ' 76 ' Ask Archives [[Image:Sabersmilyjm76.jpg|18px]] 19:06, 12 October 2008 (UTC)

Comments
Another one. -- iChat What I've done 08:27, 9 July 2008 (UTC)

Will read this soon. Long article; looks like you did a good job with it. Drewton  ( Drewton's Holocron ) 01:14, 7 October 2008 (UTC)


 * I'm sure this wasn't your intention, but let's be sure not to say that just because an article is long it is therefore an article of quality. There are plenty of long articles on this wiki that are just absurd. - Brandon Rhea (talk) (contribs) 02:28, 7 October 2008 (UTC)
 * I'd looked over it and so hadn't based my opinion simply on length. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 02:37, 7 October 2008 (UTC)

Approve

 * 1) Yes. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 14:26, 9 October 2008 (UTC)

Disapprove/complaints

 * 1) From the surrounded and embattled desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) * "Although the battle did not massively impact on the course of the war," POV.
 * 3) * "the Necasian Military had was in minor turmoil" Wording.
 * 4) * "Rich in resources, Kothlis was providing a stable supply of resources and was also a strategic point, being a potential staging ground for attack on key Srav worlds." Long and awkward sentence.
 * 5) * "radiation weaponry" This is awkward also.
 * 6) * Consistently decapitalize archipelago.
 * 7) * "Kurtev and Drakuv tanks mopped up," Mopped up what?
 * 8) * "A NHD-52577" Contextify this.
 * 9) * "group of Necasian swordfish hydrofoils " Capitalize?
 * 10) * "A few of the remaining Necasian divers managed to destroy a few more of" This overruse of "few" is annoying. Reword.
 * 11) * " but this time the Necasians were better dug in and prepared. " You state this at the end of every section, or so it seems. It's annoying, and doesn't help deter the notion that this article is written like a narration of a bloody strategy game.
 * 12) * Italicize class names of capital warships, like that frigate.
 * 13) * Remove the inane quotes. All of them. You know what I mean.
 * 14) * Will finish this later. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 19:22, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 15) **Addressed the above, save the radiation bombs. They're bombs that emit radiation, which is why they called so. Unit 8311 19:59, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) * Looks good otherwise mechanically. However, I'd like the Srav retreat cleared up and expanded&mdash;it's a major plot hole right now. You say it was hasty, but you also say that they did a lot of sabotage and stuff. If they're getting hit by a massive air attack, they shouldn't have the time for that. Also, how did they get back to their initial landing site under constant air attack? Was it a Highway of Death ala Kuwait 1991? Did they set up a new landing site?
 * 17) * The first paragraph of the BtS needs utterly redone. "Originally, it was meant to be little more than an average battle article, similar to others such as the Battle of Raxus Prime and other articles, before 8311 proposed that they should raise it to good article status, making it, if it was successful, the second Project Cruentus good and by extension featured article." Massive run-on. Refer to users by their full username.
 * 18) * " This reflected by the Srav strategy used in the article" Fragment/missing word.
 * 19) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 00:01, 11 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 20) **Sorted the top one and to a lesser extent the bottom. Tom promised to get round to the BTS soon. Unit 8311 20:24, 11 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) From the entirely overrun Resolute Desk of Brandon Rhea
 * 22) * Please use the Title template to display the title as "Battle of Kothlis".
 * 23) * The introduction is only 153 words long. That's 97 words short of what is required for Featured Article status.
 * 24) *As required by the Featured article requirements, all war and battle articles need a Legacy section. This article currently does not have one. Please take note that Aftermath sections and Legacy sections are two entirely different things.
 * 25) *The current state of the Behind the scenes section is obvious: it was written with a minimal amount of effort with the intention to "just get by", but it's not going to "just get by". There's too much information that you can expand upon. What constitutes an average battle article? Why did you propose to raise it to Good article standards and status? As a note, the section is now written as if the article is not yet a Good article. You’ll need to rewrite that to indicate that it is now officially the second Cruentus Good article. Carrying on, “major work” is POV, and you should be stating what type of work it was. How did you decide to split up the work? Who came up with the storyline? Why did you choose that particular storyline? Describe how Island hoping and Iowa Jima inspired this article. Why did Tom choose Requiem of a Dream as inspiration? What type of inspiration did it give him? How did it “help him a lot”. As for the final sentence, “merely” is POV. What type of written sources did Unit use as inspiration? Why did he choose not to use music unlike Tom who did? Why did you choose these written sources? How did they help you? You need to greatly expand upon this section using basically everything I said in this objection.
 * 26) *This is just a minor list for now. I have about two pages left in line-by-line editing for this, at which point I'll most more objections. Most of them also have to do with a lack of detail and explanation in certain areas. - Brandon Rhea (talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 19:35, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 27) **Addressed the above. I've expanded the BTS, but tom will also be adding his part, so if you think it's still inadequate then don't worry. Unit 8311 20:13, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * It's definitely still inadequate, but Tom told me on IRC just now that he would be expanding it more. As of right now, though, it's still a fairly "epic meh". You're also still short on the introduction. If you read the requirements, you'll see that it requires 250 words. We only required 200 in the old standards. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 20:15, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Damn, I should have paid more attention in maths lessons. Anyway, the intro problem is sorted now. Unit 8311 20:23, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Alright, I've struck that objection, but I added another one. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 20:28, 10 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) **Again, tom asked to leave a legacy section to him. Unit 8311 20:24, 11 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Leg section has been added. Unit 8311 (Talk) 20:07, 23 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **BTS has been expanded to suffice. All current complaints addressed. Unit 8311 [[Image:1110 Big small.jpg|20px]] Talk!  18:30, 3 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Per above. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  11:19, 15 September 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Images are a bit small. That's my only complaint. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 01:18, 7 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) *Sorted that too. Unit 8311 [[Image:1110 Big small.jpg|20px]] Talk!  13:37, 9 October 2008 (UTC)

Comments
Second PC FAN. -- <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contributions) 20:04, 8 September 2008 (UTC)

Approve

 * 1) Yes. Great job with the lightsaber blades, as well. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 03:06, 18 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Very good job. Nicely detailed, informative, and neatly edited. --[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 18:13, 19 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) - Solus (Bird of Prey)  18:33, 20 October 2008 (UTC)

Disapprove/complaints

 * 1) From Drewton's holocron:
 * 3,872 BBY needs to be linked to.
 * 1) *It should be said in the introduction that Cyril Ahlen Khan was a Jedi.
 * 2) *Since this is a lightsaber form article, a lightsaber really needs to be shown. I'll add lightsaber blades via Photoshop for you if you want.
 * 3) *"Independent" doesn't count as an affiliation. Assuming that's not an actual organization.
 * 4) *"Also, the form had interchangeable blocks and strikes." Would better read as "the form had interchangable blocks and strikes also".
 * 5) *Cyril Ahlen Khan needs to be linked to in "History".
 * 6) *Jedi Order should be linked to in the same section.
 * 7) *A lot of sentences should be combined. For example, "and" should be used here: "Cyril did not want his unique form to become too well known. He started a tradition of teaching the style to the eldest son, Force sensitive or not, to be carried on into the future."
 * 8) *"Hayai Oujou was an overwhelming opponent in combat." It's not really an opponent.
 * Drewton [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 00:54, 14 October 2008 (UTC)
 * *I have worked on the written mistakes and edited them. I will work on editing the screenshots. However, I would like to keep at least one picture without a lightsaber blade edited in, if I may, to present the idea that the form can be used with a normal blade as well. Cyril Khan (Talk) 02:00, 16 October 2008 (UTC)
 * I've put in some pictures that have the lightsaber blades edited in. Cyril Khan (Talk) 02:56, 18 October 2008 (UTC)

Approve

 * 1) Yes. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 16:31, 15 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Approved based on the corrected objections. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 19:06, 15 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Looks fine. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 23:09, 15 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Checks out. --[[Image:Xepeyon.JPG|35px]] You Speak, I've Spoken 13:44, 17 October 2008 (UTC)

Disapprove/complaints

 * 1) From Drewton's holocron:
 * 2) * "The Desnium form was known as the assertion form because the user, mainly Narod Antrell," Sounds awkward. He can't be mainly the only user. The most notable, perhaps, but I suppose that would be POV.
 * 3) **He is the main user. The only other was his son, who didn't begin until much later.--Victor [[Image:Vic sig logo.png|15px]] talk 16:03, 15 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***It still sounds awkward, but I've struck my objection. Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 16:30, 15 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) * "Desnium first began to get applied when Narod Antrell began developing it," "Get"'s not a very good word voice. Perhaps "first began to be employed" or "was first employed"?
 * 6) **Addressed.--Victor [[Image:Vic sig logo.png|15px]] talk 16:03, 15 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) * "When he finally returned into the ranks of the Jedi Order when he was picked up by K'Kruhk on Dantooine, Antrell immediately began focusing on his lightsaber skill once more." "When" is used twice here.
 * 8) **Addressed.--Victor [[Image:Vic sig logo.png|15px]] talk 16:03, 15 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 9) * "Antrell continued to fight for the Insurgence, utilizing the form primarily against stormtroopers or petty officers" Petty is POV.
 * 10) **No, it isn't. This is exactly what I meant. --Victor [[Image:Vic sig logo.png|15px]] talk 16:03, 15 October 2008 (UTC)
 * Drewton [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 14:21, 15 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the combative Resolute Desk of Brandon Rhea
 * 2) * “The form was not deliberately developed, although it turned out that way naturally”. This is a confusing statement. It seems to imply that it was not deliberately developed, though it was deliberately developed anyway. Clarification is needed.
 * 3) * “it left its mark on the galaxy”. Borderline POV. Who’s to determine whether it left a mark? The simple way to fix this would just be to say, “it was said to have left a mark on the galaxy” or some other variation of that.
 * 4) * “K'Kruhk and Narod Antrell in practice session”. Should this be in “a” practice session?
 * 5) * “The best way to utilize Desnium”. POV. Simple way to fix this would be to say “Antrell believed that the best way to utilize Desnium” and so forth.
 * 6) * “If while one is attacking”. Tense.
 * 7) * “Desnium did not rely too much on lightsaber sequences”. I don’t know why, but I’m not really liking the whole “rely too much” part. Perhaps you could say it did not heavily rely on it? It’s not that big of a deal, so I’ll leave that up to you.
 * 8) * “When on the defensive”. I could be wrong, but should this be “While on the defensive”?
 * 9) * “Desnium began to be applied when Narod Antrell began developing it”. I’d suggest changing one of the begans to something else.
 * 10) * In the third paragraph of the applications section, you mention 15 BBY. A few sentences later, you mention “a year later” and link to 13 BBY. Although it can be assumed that the Battle of Trilos took place in 14 BBY, that should be clarified and made clear.
 * 11) * “At that duel was the first time Antrell became much more aggressive with Desnium”. This is an awkward sentence. It’s mainly because of the “at”, which seems to be misplaced. I’d also suggest ending the sentence after “with Desnium” and beginning a new one with “Using”.
 * 12) * “In that duel, K'Kruhk was killed, which actually inspired Antrell”. “Actually” seems to be a bit misplaced here. It would be better used if the sentence was “K’Kruhk was killed, and although some would have been discouraged by the death of a master and a friend, Anterll was actually inspired” and so forth.
 * 13) * “Narod Antrell and his partner since the duel on Ossus, Zeri Undis, who had become his lover”. Awkward wording. It would probably work better as, “Narod Antrell and Zeri Undis, who had been his partner since the duel on Ossus and later his lover” and so forth.
 * 14) * The next two sentences begin with “It was then”. One of them should be changed.
 * 15) * “Therefore, although Desnium was created since roughly 18 BBY”. “Since” seems a bit misplaced here. When something was created is concrete. It would work better if you said “had been in development since”.
 * 16) * “Antrell was forced to apply the form”. Forced is POV. It implies that he had no other choice, which isn’t true.
 * 17) * “extremely stressing the Force”. I see what you’re going for here, but “extremely” is POV. I’d suggest removing it.
 * 18) * “in the process, taken to”. There seems to be a missing word between the comma and “taken”.
 * 19) * “where Antrell was relentless in his attack”. Relentless is borderline POV. I’d let this one slide, though.
 * 20) * “The duel was the final time Antrell was seen utilizing Desnium in combat”. You’ve given a lot of examples where this form was used. Does this mean it was the first time it was used to its full potential? Does it mean it was the first time there were witnesses. Please clarify.
 * 21) * “to create a more legitimate lightsaber form”. Legitimate is POV. The simple fix would be “what Dorantes felt was a more legitimate”.
 * 22) * These are simple fixes. It’s a good article overall. I’m impressed by the overall detail of it, and the images are pretty good. Nice find there. I was a little confused at first by the lack of a history section, though I found that it was in Applications so that’s fine. Nice work. Funny story: I actually had to review this article twice. I had the whole review written out in my school’s computer lab, and then guess what happened? Some stupid moron kicked the power cord out. I had to review it again! That makes this review extra special! :P - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 17:04, 15 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 23) **I've attended to all errors and such. However, your penultimate objections, I don't get what you mean. It said it was the final time he was seen using it, not first. Anyway, please re-review as necessary. --Victor [[Image:Vic sig logo.png|15px]] talk 17:29, 15 October 2008 (UTC)
 * Whoops, my bad. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea  <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 19:06, 15 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) *I'd like to see an infobox in the article. I'd also suggest changing the title "Applications" to "History and applications" just for clarification purposes. However, these two are just personal preference, and I'm not requiring them if you don't want them. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 04:00, 16 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) **For the header change, I prefer it the way it is, because I am following Wookieepedia's example on a featured lightsaber combat articles (Form IV: Ataru and Form V: Shien / Djem So). I don't like long headers and like you said, its just preference, and I already told you mine. As for the infobox, I find it useless in this case for two reasons. Unfortunately, the lightsaber combat infobox was just a mere copy of one Darth tyler once created, but with bad/bright colors, so I created the current one we use with basic colors, dull colors (heh). Anyway, at the time the content was OK, but since then both my standards and the Wiki standards have been raised, and I think the infobox just looks messy. So, as my preference, I won't be using one here, since it's not required and since I don't like the lightsaber combat infobox anyway. If a better one were constructed, then perhaps, but for now, I will refrain from using it. --Victor [[Image:Vic sig logo.png|15px]] talk 04:04, 16 October 2008 (UTC)

Comments

 * 1) I have brought this article back up to standards today, hopefully it can redeem its former featured article status. Enjoy. --Victor [[Image:Vic sig logo.png|15px]] talk 05:13, 15 October 2008 (UTC)