User blog:MPK/BREAKING NEWS: MPK Returns and Vows to Create "The Best F***ing KOTOR Fanfic EVER"





I'm not fucking with you people this time. I have come back here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and let me assure you, I am very thoroughly depleted of elastic isoprene-isobutylene, or of any polysaccharides of any sort. Here on this day I declare that within one-hundred and sixty days, I will complete the Best Fucking KOTOR Fanfic in the history of the world.

This will no doubt come as a surprise to those of you who were around when I resigned on the 17th of June last year. It came as a bigger shock to myself, but then I remembered that every time a superhero retires, they always comeback one more time. So this is my one more time. Seriously, though, read on through the rest of this paragraph if you want to know what really prompted me to make this decision. You see, the reader of this blog post (my first one EVER in fact, taht is so kool <3) might nor might not know that in January of 2009, I released a transcript of an IRC conversation which I had taken the lead in. In this conversation, I essentially gave a live review to the other residents of the channel at the time of an almost exquisitely horrifying  fanfic called Prophet, Thing of Evil, which I subsequently dubbed The Worst Story Ever Written in the History of the World. For the uninformed, this was a story focusing on a romance plot between the characters of and a female  which in retrospect disturbingly reminds one of the, written by the (cough) extremely controversial author Stephanie Mayor. Among other things, this... Story... Included a relationship between two characters with some rather unsettling implications, blatant canon continuity defilement and errors (everything, everything about the and  was gotten wrong), blatant canon character derailment and defilement (my second-favorite case of this is that  is Bastila's brother for some reason), an extremely skewed and distorted presentation of morality (which the reader is obviously expected to agree with), and a telepathic lesbian sex scene. I was on the internet last night, just minding my own business, when this fanfic suddenly leapt into my head for no apparent reason. Bored, I went back to the page with my review on it and red part of it, having a good chuckle or two, and then went back to what I was doing. But it didn't leave me alone. Even after I had turned the bloody computer off and went to go do the dishes, got something to eat, took a shower, went for a walk around the block, polished the car, and had a smoke, that fic still surfaced in the ocean of my thoughts, sticking out like a submarine in a backyard pool, taking up so much space that nothing else of any consequence could even fit. The thought I had given to that horrible, horrible story was long overdue. The line of thought should have died hours earlier - but it didn't. Still that fic stayed, every element of that six-chaptered piece of shit and every detail of its horrid excuse for a story, as well as the alias of its author, "yimmy-kins" - that talentless self-inserting miserable Edgar Allen Poe-quoting bastard - stayed in my head, turning around over and over, driving me mad. For the sake of my sanity, I had to get back online and find that fic, and see what the fuck was up. I was being drawn to it, I knew. So I went. If you're playing tug-of-war against that big guy from The Transporter 3 with a big thing of elastic rubber, you can't really try to win, because he'll just let go, the thing smacks into your face, and you get whiplash. Anyway, I went to that fic & decided to sift thru the review section. Every single fucking one of them was positive, except for the one given by "The Food Critic", a chap without an account there who posted a link to my review. The Food Critic has as of yet never revealed her true identity, but I'd be willing to bet that it's Solus, since she says she likes food a lot. But whoever the Food Critic is or was, it wasn't her review that caught my eye. Rather, the review what caught my eye wasIt was one on the first page, written by "Fatemperor", a Malaysian fellow with no taste in literature whatsoever. Sometime in the past, he wrote thus: "That was possibly the best story ever spawned from Star Wars, the connection to the Force has never been so lucidly and clearly defined. I compliment your writing at the highest level and although some readers may comment on the fem/ bits, it all adds to the depth and feel of the story. The way you put in so much background' made the story much more real and I could relate myself with the characters. A toast to you, a truly great writer."

- Fatemperor of fanfiction.net

Emphasis mine.

I'm not even going to go into what this says about Fatemperor's mental health and taste (or rather, complete and utter failure thereof), but suffice to say that this turd that had disguised itself as a review for an abomination that in turn had been disguised as a story stopped me dead in my tracks. And I, MPK, at that moment in time last night, in the light of the computer's monitor, wretched. I absolutely fucking wretched that humanity could ever sink so low, scrape so far under the barrel and dig so deep further into the ground as to have this monstrosity of a narrative complimented so thickly. That review quoted up there is absolutely batshit fucking insane even by that terrible website's standards - and let me assure you that's saying quite a fucking bit for a website where any negative criticism is automatically labeled as "flaming" and "bashing" on the basis of it being negative. When I got done wretching, I came with an idea. If a human being - and I know I am being a bit presumptuous in assuming that Fatemperor is not some kind of Eldritch Abomination which therefore has no concept of what is terrible by our human standards - could complement a person - assuming "yitty" is a person, rather than a demon as I have been suspecting for quite some time now - and her "story" - assuming that the story is not itself some sort of unholy mockery of a lifeform that shaped itself into the worst story ever written in Earth's history - so thickly, so unconditionally, so absolutely shamelessly, ignoring the fact that said work deserves to be hurled into the deepest darkest pit that hell could ever offer, then what does that mean? It means that the absolute worst of the worst shit in the history of existence can be called the best of the best, which is - with no exaggeration of any sort, exactly what the fat fucker called this horrific creation.

Does it work the other way around? What if someone wrote an absolutely great story, one spanning the continuity of the Star Wars mythos, sporting an immense cast of characters meticulously-organized personality traits and tendencies, interacting in a plot lasting many in-universe years that has been intricately-crafted and accompanied by painstaking researched to ensure that it fits seemlessly with the canon timeline of the saga? If such a story were ever completed and released... Would it ever be praised, like that the fat bastard above praised Prophet, Thing of Evil? Or would it go the other way, which would make sense, since the internet now believe that shit and good are completely switched around, and be flamed into the dust? It really is an age-old question, I suppose. No doubt it was contemplated at great length by the greatest of history's philosophers and writers. Socrates, William Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, Abraham Lincoln, Mark Twain, George Lucas, Plato, Sigmund Freud, Homer, Dante... The question all comes back to them and no doubt inspired the vast majority of them to seek the answer to this question. What, indeed, would happen?

I've taken it upon myself to find out. With no further ado, I hereby fucking unveil the STAR WARS: ACTS OF REVAN saga. It will be a twelve-book series, chronicling the bloodline of Revan that came before him and came after him, from before the down through the  and beyond. It is a twelve-part saga as an homage to himself, whose original vision of the Star Wars mythos was in fact a twelve-movie series. I have conducted extensive pre-writing and plot formation on this saga, and while I have a few more things to sort out, production is going at an amazing speed. Notable major inspirations on the storline include recently-released material from ' ' project, the few spoilers we have on ', and the second half of the ' series of novels, as well as its sequel, the ongoing ' series, the recently-released  novel in particular. A number of EU sources have inspired me, but those above all the others have birthed within my mind the greatest and most masterful plot twist I think I've ever heard of a fan ever coming up with. CAUTION, BELOW THREE BE SPOILARS, LOL

Acts of Revan, Part I: Demon in Sheep's Wear - Kicks off the first trilogy, which as a whole serves as a prologue to the main acts. Set during the, it focuses on the great-grandfather of Revan, a man named Derek, and his relation to the Sith of 's time. I figured that, considering Revan's influence in times after his death (YES, he DOES die, sorry for any fanboy rage. And he is a HE, sorry for any more rage), it would make sense for his influence to indirectly go back in time as well, to an extent.

Acts of Revan, Part II: Ghost in the Machine -, like Revan, didn't just appear out of nowhere. He had predecessors which were employed by a predecessor to the for the Order's less than scrupulous methods and activities. Set near the end of the war, the narrative now follows Revel, Derek's son, as he tries to find out the origin of this secret Jedi cult.

Acts of Revan, Part III: Rising Sun - In the 's aftermath, a Jedi apprentice named Jorus sets out on his own in the footsteps of his father, Revel, to retrace the steps of Exar Kun and find out where his power really came from. His adventure will eventually lead him to the Empire of the True Sith in the, where the entire backdrop for the KotOR saga will be set in motion.

Acts of Revan, Part IV: Prophet – Opening with a prologue consisting of a touching scene between Revan and his father, Part IV focuses on the course of the, Revan's turn, and his capture.

Acts of Revan, Part V: Prodigal Knight – A full novelization of  which extends further past the end of the game, detailing Revans departure into the.

Acts of Revan, Part VI: The Sith Lords – A nfull novelization of , plus a number of new story additions where stuff was left otu in the original game. The narrative will periodically swtich between the main story of the and the side-plot of what is happening to Revan at the same time.

Acts of Revan, Part VII: The Greater War – A novelization set right before the Great War detailed in  begins, detailing the last stand ofRevan and his friends in the Unkinown Regions.

Acts of Revan, Part VIII: The Greater Victory – Follows the story of a descendant of Revan who eventually came to lead the Jedi Order in the latter half of the (she is a canon character) and details the final battle of the war.

Acts of Revan, Part IX: A Good Day to Die – Set during the New Sith Wars, focusing on the role that Phanius (aka, ) played in Revan's past. I can't say more here without spoiling the big revelation of the entire saga, and we wouldn't want that now would we?

Acts of Revan, Part X: The Jedi Masters – Follows the life of Galen Marek in-between the first and second games of the  series, wherein he learns a previuosly-shrouded secret about his ancestry.

Acts of Revan, Part XI: The True Jedi – Set sometime after the  series, Galen Marek, revived again, must travel into the unkown Regions to find the only man imn the galaxy who can answer the questions to his past: Revan.

Acts of Revan, Part XII: My Immortal – Set after the end of the ongoing  comic series, Revan is revived one last time by the current generation of the galaxy's heroes, in the hopes that he can find and kill the last Sith Lord in the galaxy before it is too late. But this time, Revan may have finally met his match.

That's basically it as far as everything I can share right now without spoiling too much. As production goes on, I will be giving bi-weekly and bi-monthly updates with more goodies, along with regular releases. And no, I'm not fuckin' shitting you people with the 160-day time limit; I am dead serious on that note, more serious than any other thing in this whole damn post. I don't want this thing to suck up my life for the rest of the next ten years, like the ASWS is doing with Brandon Rhea - no offense -, so I'm giving myself this time limit to get the whole thing out of the way as soon as possible, so I can have the masterpiece finished and be done with it. I have, as I've already said, got quite a bit of it done already,so I don't think I'm in over my head at all.

And you can all go straight to hell if you're even going to think about thinking that I'm going to throw in the towel this time. An incredible flash of imagination has inspired me, and I will not let it go down this time like I did with the Dark Order series. This is for real.

Keep in mind, though, that most or some of the story details details I've revealed here ARE subject to change. However, to all of you, this I swear: By the one-hundred and sixtieth day, I, MPK, will unveil the greatest fanfic in the history of the KotOR fanbase.

This is not an "if I can." There is no "if". And I'm not going to "try" this. I'm going to fucking do it. It's only a matter of 160 days. Hasta luigi until then. -MPK, Free Man  18:06, April 1, 2010 (UTC)