The Fanon Menace: A Day in the Life of a Stormtrooper/Episode 1 script

'' Shortly after the Clone Wars ended, our legion was assigned to new posts and issued new armor and weapons. Little did we know, it would drive us all mad...''

Episode I: Orientation Written by Seth Hoover and Joshua McGraw

Oo, shiny new armor!

I dunno, looks a little white to me.

Oh, come on. They want us to blend in on Hoth.

Yeah, like we’re ever gonna go to Hoth. It’s just an oversized ice cube. And isn’t white the universal sign of surrender?

Wait, there’s no numbers on the armor!

That’s because you get to pick your own.

Oh, goody! I wanna be...

You’re TK-421. Now get to your post. You, behind him; you’re TK-422.

So much for choosing our own.

I wasn’t talking to you.

Sup.

So are we gonna get the armor, or what?

*Advisor hands out helmets*

Oo, infrared!

I can’t see a thing in this helmet!

*Advisor takes DC-15’s*

*TK-421 and TK422 take E-11s from conveyor belt*

Shiny new guns! What a treat!

<TK-422>Shiny? It’s matte black. You know how hot black gets?

<Advisor>Training starts now. Firing range is over that way.

Firing Range

<TK-422>Stupid...thing...can’t...hit...worth...a...

<TK-421>Look, I hit the bull’s-eye! It works a lot better if you take your helmet off.

<TK-422>Yeah, until you get caught by the advisor, or worse...

<Vader>How y’all doin?

<TK-421>Speak of Darth Vader...

<TK-422>And he will come. I know.

<Vader>TK-421! Why aren’t you wearing your helmet?

<TK-422>Told you.

<Vader>Solitary confinement! Both of y’all!

<TK-422>But how is it solitary if we’re together?

*Awkward silence*

<Vader>Just shut up and get y’all’s butts down to Detention Block 1138.