DL:Alexei Sudovencavic

Approve

 * 1) Absolutely, but you might want to expand the post-mortem/legacy. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 19:48, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) With those complaints fixed, it's ready. - Solus  (Bird of Prey)  02:20, 21 March 2008 (UTC)

Disapprove/complaints

 * 1) Expand Postmortem and Legacy. I know you can find a way to give it more. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]]  (Pressroom)  (Accomplishments)  20:56, 17 February 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Expanded the legacy a bit. I'll get some pictures up near the bottom soon enough. Dexington 19:50, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
 * The pictures aren't a requirement so... Dexington 01:51, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Only 8 non-date links.
 * Image:Lehon2.jpg and Image:Nightship.jpg are not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:32, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the pale desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) *The first two paragraphs of the intro are quite stilted and don't flow well. Rework this so the sentences transition better.
 * 3) *"two normal parents, living normal lives on the busiest planet in the galaxy" POV/prosetry.
 * 4) *"Strange thing was, Alexei was born an albino, no skin pigmentation and red eyes." Fragment/Prosetry.
 * 5) *"They were not the smartest of people and had next to no knowledge about genes," You can surely reword this to make it less POV.
 * 6) *" Alexei was forced to spend time in between them" Reword please; a literal interpretation of this is eh . . . awkward.
 * 7) *MoS Rule: capitalize "the Force" I already fixed several, but this is hardly isolated.
 * 8) *"force, strange again, as his parents were not," Stilted wording; the comma phrase really messes with the readability.
 * 9) *"the eldest and wisest of the masters" Wisest, used explicitly, is POV. If you say "who they considered the wisest," the article is NPOV. Hopefully that'll explain the difference.
 * 10) *"Kahn proved to be the right choice, " POV.
 * 11) *"So well, that Kahn, a master of the dreamscape power, decided to teach Alexei the power." Fragment.
 * 12) *"showing an astounding aptitude for knowledge" POV.
 * 13) *"Alexei soon got the hang of it and was able to create imaginary plains in people's minds." "Got the hang of it" is informal and "Plains" is not the proper word, methinks.
 * 14) *"the glorious lightsaber crystals" POV/prosetry.
 * 15) *"He then picked up the unconscious body " Unclear antecedent.
 * 16) *I fixed this for you, but for future reference: People lie. Things lay. (In general)
 * 17) *"He could hardly see due to the beating that he just had, both eyes were nearly swollen shut." Awkward verbage and structure.
 * 18) *"The darkest of all places in the galaxy, where all the evil went to gather and plot against all that was good and would ever be good." Prosetry! I know you do this fairly often, based on reviews of your previous works, but from now on, please try and avoid such "dramatic" sentences in any FAs/FANs, as I'll object to them every time. It's just not encyclopediac. (Rule 3.3)
 * 19) *"The taint of the dark side was heavy in his heart and his face showed features adherent to that of the Sith." Unclear; reword that last bit and the first bit is prosetry.
 * 20) *" Nax also taught the group an alarming amount" Alarming is POV.
 * 21) *"which she obviously did not return." Obviously doesn't fit here and the whole phrase needs reworded.
 * 22) *What is a "rampage of shyrack"? Is that like a murder of crows?
 * 23) *You never explain what dreamscape is. I should be able to have a basic understanding of what that is without having to navigate to another page. Context, please.
 * 24) *Also, context on the tomb's layout.
 * 25) *"When Alexei had returned" Returned where?
 * 26) *"Less than original, but true to form." Please remove this. This type of commentary is entirely unacceptable in an encyclopedia article.
 * 27) *"such a fate would be too lenient." POV. A way to fix this might be "as he felt such a fate would . . . "
 * 28) *"could be a very devastating power." POV.
 * 29) *"People's worst fears were always easy to read, they were always present in the back of one's mind, ripe for the picking." Prosetry/awkward sentence structure.
 * 30) *"Alexei could never find anything meaningful to due with such a destructive power, however." POV/wording issues.
 * 31) *"Just the standard scans and since his face no longer matched what it used to be like, they had no clue he had been banned from the planet." POV.
 * 32) *"Obviously, he wanted to find out the truth in the whole situation and visited the Elder Rakatan tribe." Using the word "obviously" in this context is POV.
 * 33) *"Perhaps he should have." Commentary is POV and needs removed.
 * 34) *" the god forsaken planet." It's "God-forsaken" if you're referring to the deity known as God. If you're referring to a generic deity, it's "god-forsaken".
 * 35) *"During the trip to nowhere," Trip to nowhere? That's . . . not very clear and should only be used in abstract terms. If he's going somewhere, there is an ultimate destination. If there isn't an ultimate destination, say something like that instead of using poetic language.
 * 36) *"An interesting one, but easy to conjure up nonetheless." More of the commentary issue.
 * 37) *"but taking something big around the galaxy drew too much attention anyway." POV. This is written from Alexei's POV and should be changed.
 * 38) *" The Rakatans didn't do all that bad, however, taking out a healthy portion of rural area, likely killing many innocent civilians." Utterly rewrite this; informal tone, POV.
 * 39) *"Now he just had to kill the Jedi Council." POV.
 * 40) *"Again, a great deed done, but nobody knew who was to blame or congratulate." POV.
 * 41) *"Alexei was one of the most evil people that anyone could ever meet." POV.
 * 42) *"All of his bad personality traits are the result of something" POV, tense.
 * 43) *Mary Sue test shows that: 19, Borderline, by my reckoning. I tend to think that this is a Mary Sue; he has no discernible weaknesses aside from being albino and ridiculed, and the way the article is written clearly glorifies, or is at least sympathetic to him, falling back on the "it was society that made him bad" reasoning to explain away his evilness. This is a major concern.
 * 44) *BtS is far too small. This is a major concern.
 * 45) *I find your lack of neutrality disturbing. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 15:50, 14 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
I agree, NK, and I know that Brandon won't give me the vote until I do. I'll get on that sometime soon. Dexington 20:14, 17 February 2008 (UTC)