Forum:Decreton Lords - Third Featured Article Review

Due to the creation of new and stricter Featured Article requirements, it is important that the Decreton Lords once again take the time to issue any complaints they have about the current Featured Articles and decide whether or not an article should remain as a Featured Article or become a Formerly Featured Article. Please be sure to sign everything you say, including complaints and whether or not you wish to revoke Featured Article status so we know exactly who is saying what. Please be sure to repeat complaints, as it is important that all Decreton Lords have their voices heard.

Also, please be aware that while there is no immediate rush to do this, it is important to get this done as soon as possible. However, no one wants any of the Decreton Lords to feel as if they’re pressured into reading dozens of articles immediately. While you can certainly take your time, just be sure to have your reviews done within the next two or three weeks. The articles to review are as follows, separated into the categories they fall into on the Featured Article main page. Also, for anyone reading this, please be aware that only Decreton Lords can participate.

Notice:' As of July 1st, an additional reviews section has been added.

Review Process

 * 1) The Decreton Lords will review each Featured Article up to date at this point extensively, giving tips on organization and spelling/grammar structure, as well as making complaints in compliance with the rules. Things not in the rules, such as "I don't like the color of the infobox" cannot be counted against the article, but things in accordance with all other policies (such as Manual of Style) will be valid.
 * 2) Unlike before, all articles under review will remain under review for the entire time, which is one month, instead of being revoked after being voted against enough times. That way, the writers of these articles have substantial time to address complaints and suggestions.
 * 3) In order to retain Featured Article status, the entirety of the Decreton Lords must agree that the article is fit for FA standards, as goes the same for revoking. If the Decreton Lords are unable to unanimously agree on either view point, then whichever side (Keep or Revoke) has the most by the end of the review will "win" (this is unlikely since Decreton Lords should all be judging by the rules, not by personal opinion)
 * 4) Lastly, once the review is over, each review will be archived in each articles' respective Decreton Lord page (such as DL:Narod Antrell) for archiving and historical purposes.

=Review=

Complaints

 * 1) Per usual.
 * 2) * No BtS.
 * 3) * Personal preference - Images are not aligned right-left-right etc.
 * 4) * Almost all of the images are improperly sourced, with only a few exceptions. Wookieepedia, Wikipedia, and 'the site where you found the screenshot' are not sources!
 * 5) *W/B R 1: [...] The section should focus mostly on the major aspects of a war and should not deviate into personal stories about characters that would best be saved for the character's articles. However, if parts of those personal stories are important to understanding events in the war or battle, then it is expected that they be included... Hm. That nixes half the article, doesn't it? - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:11, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 6) None. Can't find better sources than the original ones for the anime pics. Also, according to what you just wrote, the personal stories are relevant to the article, because of what they convey. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 08:11, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Good job with going through and sourcing the anime pics. However, the stories are still really pushing that rule. They're taken straight from char's respective biographies and are set up like short stories, one after another. As well, they are a little prosey. Ah, I'll let some other DLs voice their opinion on it and see if they think it breaks the rule. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  12:47, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Actually the sections in the character's bios are taken directly from this. I wrote this first. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 16:48, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Lol. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:31, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the bewildering desk of Atarumaster88


 * "It would show the besieged members of the Galactic Federation of Free Alliances that resistance was ultimately useless against someone as powerful as the Sith." POV!
 * "rivalries came to an end. Some tragic, like the passion-fueled duel between Ada Karr and Darth Bosszú. Others, brought an end to a necessary evil and strengthened the bonds of friendship, as was the case for Ichi Go and Renton Thur'ston in their duel against Darth Gloed and Darth Divat." POV!
 * Serious prosetry throughout article. This is a major concern, as the tone does not fit that expected of encyclopediac writing. This article will need rewritten entirely.
 * Section headers need to have their capital letters adjusted appropriately.
 * "Unfortunately, a young Fallanassi with delusions of grandeur," POV.
 * Way too much of this is quotes. This is a major concern.
 * Purge all rhetorical questions.
 * Section titles are not encyclopediac in nature.
 * "On a diplomatic mission to Teevan, he had found the woman of his dreams, however, she did not return the feelings. " POV.
 * "Thur'ston and Crailaon clans had met in a climactic battle on the plains of Teevan. " POV
 * "She was taught by the Sith had taken the name Darth Divat, after learning from the holorecording her mother had given her of what must be done to the Thur'stons." Reword, rewrite, do *something* with this please.
 * Far too many images in 2nd half of article.
 * Starting from "To Rid Oneself . . . " the article widely digresses from Almania, as it's on another planet. It gets sort of hard to follow through here, but that last bit needs to be tied in better with the overall battle instead of its current organization. Focus on the topic at hand, please, and slim down the rest to an acceptable Aftermath section. This is a major concern.
 * Barebones BtS needs expanded.
 * Nothing short of a complete rewrite will earn this approval. This is one of the (hopefully) few times I will give out that comment, but this is nothing close to an acceptable battle article. I gave up reading it for content about a third the way through. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2. POV is all over the fricking place. I don't even know where to begin, so I'll just say read what the other people said.
 * The quotes are excessive and don't add anything to the article. They just break the already strained non-POV appearance of the article. Besides that, most of them contain overabundant self-righteousness.
 * A lot of this article delves into information on the personal stories, which are only sort of related to the battle.
 * "a young Fallanassi with delusions of grandeur, contacted Darth Abeonis personally. He told of the agreement made between Nathan and the Almanians.": I'm sorry, but this is just ridiculous. Who is this delusional Fallanassi? What position did he hold? How did he figure out about the agreement in the first place? How did he possess the means to personally contact Abeonis, and why did Abeonis' subordinates permit the Fallanassi to contact him? You'll need to provide a better explanation for the Sith finding a reason to attack.
 * Who is Folapii? The article seems to assume I already know.
 * Why do the Sith always accept their enemy's offer for a mano a mano duel?
 * The force teleportation (I know you call it Ghosting) is a dues ex machina.
 * The sentences which focus on the duels with Ichi, Gloed, and the others lay it on a little too thick in the Department of Emotion Description.
 * Force Heal doesn't just heal stuff lickidy-split. Ok, sometimes it does, but I strongly discourage it being portrayed the same as it is in the JK series.
 * The section "To Rid One's Self of Burdens" has a truckload of information that is completely unrelated to the battle.
 * The Behind the Scenes is too scarce.
 * This last problem I'm going to list kills this article on its own. If this article is the Death Star, then this flaw is its Thermal exhaust port. Sure, it lacks safety rails and anti-fighter guns, but while those problems could conceivably be forgiven, this one blows the thing to freaking kingdom come.
 * When the article talks about the battle, where are the actual military commanders? Where are the tactics and strategies? What formation did the fleets use and when? What were the objectives? Where is the actual battle? I see no battle here. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 20:26, 26 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:11, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Nope. [[Image:NKsig.png|70px]] Jesus Freak NK says NK's 'mazin' articles [[Image:sabersmilygreend.jpg]] 08:12, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Affirmative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 20:26, 26 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Yes. - Brandon Rhea (talk) (contribs) 02:43, 28 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Using my above review, I see nothing wrong here. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:40, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) I've read this thing at least twice before. I see no errors this time around. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 18:27, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) No. Yay, another no. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:40, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Negative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 18:27, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Since I'm just reviewing content rather than mechanics, I see nothing wrong with this from my POV. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom) (Record) 19:21, 16 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Per Brandon. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:43, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Per above. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 18:54, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * No, pending further review. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom) (Record) 19:21, 16 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:43, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Negative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 18:54, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Since I'm just reviewing content rather than mechanics (Vic's covering that), I see absolutely nothing wrong with this. It has all of the necessary requirements. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom) (Record) 19:20, 16 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Per Brandon. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:48, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Per above. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 18:58, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) No (pending further review). - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom) (Record) 19:20, 16 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:48, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Negative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 18:58, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
I don't know if I can comment, but I'd just like to point out that there's a red link in the article. My page iChat What I've done 17:50, 4 May 2008 (UTC)


 * Fixed that. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 14:24, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) None. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  18:04, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * From the battered but persistent desk of Atarumaster88


 * "causing him to be the ridicule of other higher ranking soldiers and workers," Reword this.
 * "Adollu commandeered various members on the ground, while a pilot named Marto Nao-sin commandeered the starfighter defenses. " Commandeered is an unlikely word choice and I can't see a private taking command anyway, if that's what was intended.
 * "After the battle, both Adollu and Nao-sin were thanked for their exceptional victory." POV.
 * "Adollu's victory gained him popularity with women of all species, making him a proud man." I think you what objection I have to this.
 * "Adollu was forced to investigate further." Reword.
 * "which included stocking illegal weapons and making illegal shipments." Clarify.
 * "one of their top, personal bounty hunters." Reword.
 * "and Fuco made sure to be careful the next." Reword.
 * "Though, with the help of Wibl's men, he was able to fight off his enemies without even knowing it." Fragment.
 * "Bern was placed under secure captivity." Reword.
 * "Bern, however, remained strong throughout the entire time of captivity." Prosetry/weasel words.
 * "in order to get rid of it indefinitely." Unclear antecedent.
 * "Montra family assassinate Nao-sin. Just as Adollu rose up in retaliation, Dominic left the room, and Adollu was forced to fight against a bulk of guards and soldiers." Reword.
 * "In those few minutes, Bern realized that his extremely long and hard working investigation" POV.
 * "The often subjected himself to the will of others in order to gain information, which led many to believe he was weak, when in reality his will was very strong and he was difficult to break. " Reword.
 * "At first, his best ship was in the position to lead and inspire others towards victory," Clarify/reword.
 * Overall, not bad. These are minor revisions, but I would like them done before this hits main page if at all possible. Thanks. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) No. - Solus  (Bird of Prey)  18:04, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *Yesh, per above. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  16:21, 28 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:30, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) Yes. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 16:07, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 5) Affirmative, for the time being, per the above complaints. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 18:08, 14 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Per above reviews.
 * 2) * Only 10 non-date links. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  18:17, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Fixed. A list can be provided if need be to confirm. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 18:56, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * No need. I watch your every move, remember? - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:04, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  18:17, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:05, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Negative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 14:05, 15 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints
2. I see nothing different from the last time I reviewed this, and I had no complaints back then. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 01:00, 20 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * Image:Jonbac.JPG is not properly sourced. Take that, Baccie! - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:05, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) **Fixed. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 19:14, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Sure it is. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:21, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. Fix da image! - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:02, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:21, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Negative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 01:00, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Mary Sue.
 * 3) *Not GA - probably FA'ed before rule was in place.
 * 4) *Only 14 non-date links.
 * 5) *None of the images are properly sourced.
 * 6) *Barely anything negative is said in the P&T. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:17, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) From the scratchpad of Atarumaster88
 * 8) *Tense issues
 * 9) *BtS is a list. I hate listy BtSes, but at any rate, it's too small.
 * 10) *Mary Sue.
 * 11) *Not reading all of this, sorry Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:34, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

3. This needs quite a lot of work.
 * The opening quote for a character article should never be another character kissing his arse.
 * Too much information is given on his parents and their parents and their parents in the wrong spot; his birth should talk about his birth, not stuff that happened so many years before.

A Mandalorian Jedi? I'm certain you can do better than that.
 * "In a pilot simulation test, which was humorously allowed for children during their tours, Krad scored an amazing 68% average in the cockpit—just 12% beneath a professional pilots required score." - Having him have Force-related talents is ok, but this is over the fence.
 * So a high-level Imperial search is sent for this kid? A battalion of troops sounds rather over-the-top.
 * "Believing he would need to make a hasty retreat, Krad had planted trip mines on and above the door's entrance, and stood next to the back exit." - Where did he get explosives and how does he know how to use them?

Not enough context is given on his escape to Naboo.
 * "For six years, Krad was on the run from the Empire, earning the nickname, the little 'Imperial Fugitive'." - Why exactly is this kid famous enough to warrant a nickname?
 * Not enough information is given on why the Imperials went after his parents in the first place.

In regards to the Nar Shaddaa section? How the heck did he escape if he was being pursued by "thousands" of stormtroopers? If he's that important, there's no way he'd get away as easily as he did.
 * How did Krad know there were Rebels at Dxun?
 * "Krad had become one of the most famous pilots of the Rebellion, and even known within the Empire. However, he had never been in any large-scale battles, merely guerrilla attacks and raids." - What's that supposed to mean? The Rebels almost never fought large-scale battles. This sounds to me like a poor "explanation" for why he was not anywhere important despite his supposed piloting skills. Aside from that, why is a skilled pilot not assigned to one of their better and more active squadrons?

This thing is written too much like a fan fic.
 * Are you trying to tell me that a mere seven hundred Rebel marines managed to board a Star Destroyer undetected (no context is given on where they got the cloaking devices) and successfully disabled the whole thing without being killed by the thousands of troops on board? I'd venture to say that you've lost your blooming mind.
 * This is just a handful of the problems. Overall, this character is too favored by fate (escapes thousands of stormtroopers) and too overpowered (citing the aforementioned "disabled Star Destroyer" nonsense). Krad will need quite a bit of work. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 17:04, 21 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:17, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:35, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Affirmative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 17:04, 21 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Only 10 non-date links.
 * 3) *Lots of prosey stuff. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:29, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

2. I concur with Solus. Practically every paragraph has point of view or prose of some sort. Things like saying his life was "tough to say the least", the orphanages were "little more than glamorized prisons", that he was away from the Arkanians for the moment "at least", and so on are not at all proper for an FA. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 17:50, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the "Completely Unique" Desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) *"Nathan(which is what he is called by most)" Tense/OOU
 * 3) *"Which is why he joined the Galactic Republic." Fragment
 * 4) *Poor syntax in 2nd para of intro.
 * 5) *"Most of the time he ran through drill after mindless drill, until he could perform them in his sleep, and the few times when he saw actual combat, it was nothing like he imagined. The recruiters seemed to conveniently leave out what happens when you step on a hidden mine, or what it's like to see men all around you fall to the ground, dead in midair." Prosetry. This isn't fan-fiction, and you're supposed to write articles with a NPOV, encyclopediac tone. If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: Encyclopediac writing style is boring and dry. The content is what makes it interesting, not the flowery prose.
 * 6) *"He served within the Republic's military for many years, touring the galaxy, fighting evil, restoring peace, making it a better place. The idealized duties of a Republic soldier. In reality, he lived in the cramped barracks of the military cannon fodder." Gah, POV, prosetry, horrible sentence syntax.
 * 7) *"Nonetheless, it was better than what he would have received had he stayed on Arkania. And he would admit that all his service did wonders for him." POV/prosetry/poor syntax.
 * 8) *"Life for Nathaneiqua was tough, to say the least." POV/prosetry.
 * 9) *"The subject of endless bullying and prejudice from children and adults alike." Fragment. There are words called verbs. Please use at least one in every sentence.
 * 10) *"His eighteen years on Arkania marked by a tough, violent adolescent, who quickly learned the only way to survive as an outcast was to take everything, and give nothing." Reword, perhaps a "were" would help the first bit. The second clause has an unclear antecedent.
 * 11) *"Both were brilliant scientists, experimenting on gene therapy and modification." POV, bad syntax.
 * 12) *"It was their decision, that instead of bearing the humiliation of such a child, that they would give him to the orphanage." Comma splice.
 * 13) *"Nobody actually would admit it, but Nathan believed that they used such harsh means out of fear." Redundancy w/ previous sentence.
 * 14) *"Xenophobia reversed." Prosetry.
 * 15) *"It was strange, no matter how much training Nathan went through, he will tell you that it was at the orphanage that he became General material." This sentence has more things wrong with it than the U.N. Well, maybe not that bad, but pretty close.
 * 16) *"Get away from his escort long enough to learn about the particular town or city." Fragment/prosetry.
 * 17) *"Nathan was seventeen when he ran." Redundancy with previous and subsequent sentences.
 * 18) *"The orphans were marked by the clothes they wore, once they had discarded these clothes, at least in Nathan's case, they were indistinguishable from regular Arkanians." Run-on.
 * 19) *"There he enlisted post haste with the military and started his new life." Redundant w/ next sentence.
 * 20) *One line of BtS is totally not going to cut it.
 * 21) *Excessive POV in Talents. Seriously, is the man "Brilliant" at everything?
 * 22) *Screams Mary Sue.
 * 23) *Okay, I'm good for now. I've read the intro and one section and come up with 20 objections on those alone. This thing needs a rewrite. A complete and total rewrite. It's horribly written as it stands and deserves nothing less than the removal of its star. Also, MS;MD. Also, barebones BtS. Also, POV. You get the idea. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:24, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:29, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Affirmative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 17:50, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:24, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Mary Sue.
 * 3) *Not sure if this counts, but the FA era icon is out of order with the norm.
 * 4) *P&T barely says anything negative.
 * 5) *Purely preference, but the images are not staggered right-left-right etc.
 * Image:Mutatos.jpg, Image:AmphistaffClone.jpg, Image:DarthMalakartwork.jpg, Image:DarthKrayt.jpg, Image:Zack.JPG, Image:Unk.jpg, and Image:Eriadu.jpg are not properly sourced, and Image:Nathan'sholocron.jpg and Image:PolisMassans.jpg are falsely sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  21:52, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the scratchpad of Atarumaster88
 * 2) *Screams Mary Sue.
 * 3) *Lists Must Die. At least lists that look like that.
 * 4) *BtS is terribly small.
 * 5) *Un-encylopediac section titles, with capitalization errors.
 * 6) *Sorry, not reading this line-by-line when it needs this much work. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 20:25, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 7) If you want my take on this, just read the review on my userpage. As far as I know, none of the problems it mentions have ever been addressed. If they have, however, I can produce a list of at least thirty-five more problems before the day is out. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 15:16, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  21:52, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:15, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Until Duke Nukem Forever is released. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 15:16, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Only 18 non-date links.
 * Image:Ithorian.jpg, Image:Ananana.jpg, Image:Teddy.jpg, Image:Baltimn.jpg, and Image:Dexwithmp.jpg are not properly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  00:29, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) No complaints other than the above. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 22:36, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) From the sorcery of the Desk of Atarumaster88
 * 3) *"giving him advice and the power of Force Mancery, but also giving him the taint of the Dark Side." Poor wording with "giving" and capitalization error with "Dark Side."
 * 4) *His eyes are not black, going by the picture.
 * 5) *"This is especially odd since there are rarely people living on the planet, let alone Ithorians. " Tense/POV/OOU.
 * 6) *"He didn't even know the Force existed. He just spent all his time helping out around the village and gathering up the bacta to help heal people who were in need of it." Tone.
 * 7) *"His family was not remarkable, neither even had jobs, they merely went to Thyferra to have a life." Fragment.
 * 8) *"There had to someone from either side that had been there to know what was out there." Wording.
 * 9) *"a strange being came to the planet." POV.
 * 10) *the Force should always be capitalized in reference to the energy field.
 * 11) *"He felt evil and the world just looked..." Prosetry/POV.
 * 12) *"Around Korriban everybody continued calling Darth Abdennute." Missing word.
 * 13) *Section titles need proper capitalization
 * 14) *Second paragraph of "Finding a purpose" needs help with syntax.
 * 15) *"It would prove to very valuable and destructive, both to others and to himself." POV.
 * 16) *"Depending on the strength of the node, the powers available could be weak or immensely powerful, far beyond a" POV.
 * 17) *Fragments in BtS.
 * 18) *Serious POV in P&T and Talents sections.
 * 19) *Unencylopediac/repetitive section titles.
 * 20) *I'm stopping here, since this article is unlikely to be repaired in two weeks time and there's plenty that needs work. In case I need to pick it up again, I'm at Forging an Alliance. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:50, 28 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  00:29, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Affirmative, for the time being. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 22:36, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:50, 28 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * All but one of the images are incorrectly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  01:33, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  01:33, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  01:38, 23 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Negative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 22:40, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) No. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 02:47, 28 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) Besides the preferential lack of image staggering (right-left-right etc.), I don't see anything wrong with this article. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:22, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:22, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Negative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 22:41, 21 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * Image:Morrer-tortured.jpg is not sourced properly.
 * 3) * Purely preference, but the images are not staggered right-left-right. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:25, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh, until the image is sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:25, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Tis done. --<font color="#9F05">Victor <font color="#AA00">(talk) 20:59, 1 July 2008 (UTC)


 * 1) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  21:09, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Negative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 22:44, 21 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints
2. I could spot no problems other than the above. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 01:44, 20 August 2008 (UTC) Atarumaster88  ( Talk page ) 00:23, 28 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Only 7 non-date links.
 * 3) *The P&T seems kinda short.
 * 4) *Almost all of the images are incorrectly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:46, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the lightsaber-wielding Desk of Atarumaster88
 * 2) *"He was later confronted by his son, where he was killed in an acid pool. " Unclear antecedent.
 * 3) *"While not specifically talented in one power, he seemed to be equally good at all of them." Vague.
 * 4) *"Shisavanen" (intro) Is this supposed to be "Shistavanen"?
 * 5) *A bit more context on Sarsa.
 * 6) *Consistency between Hord and Tulak please.
 * 7) *"Hord suspected that might have been Carraim's purpose the whole time. " Vague.
 * 8) *"and began besieging cities who sided with the Jedi, especially Tulak in particular." Clarify, some sticky wording here.
 * 9) *"Tulak did his best to end the uprising as quickly as he could manage. This, however, equated into needless deaths," 2 instances of POV.
 * 10) *"He became smitten with her, something she seemed to find both delightful and amusing, but she reserved her feelings more, claiming it was caution but Tulak could sense it was fear, and not fear of the Order." Run-on.
 * 11) *"Ranchint Githrand, a Dark Lord, about happenings and plans" A Dark Lord of What? Dark Lord of Walden Books?
 * 12) *"He was given to use the Shadowbane" Wording.
 * 13) *"Tulak chose a rather dull and uninhabited spot of void," POV.
 * 14) *" It was strange, insectoid in shape, and obviously ancient." POV/prosetry.
 * 15) *" a ship meant for capturing enemies and those owning the Andromeda wished to enslave." This could be worded better.
 * 16) *Poor variety in wording in description of Andromeda. In particular, "life force" is over-used.
 * 17) *This doesn't make sense. Bodies don't decay in space. They experience explosive decompression, or, in the unlikely event they've already been utterly de-pressurized/dehydrated, they freeze. Let's not contradict simple physics.
 * 18) *" He felt sorry for the creature only being exposed to this dark side energy all of his life, and determined to bring him back to train him in the light side of the Force and show him a different way of life among society instead of living alone." Run-on, poor wording in first clause.
 * 19) *"After all, he couldn't kill an unarmed opponent, Dark Lord of the Sith or no, and he couldn't get up the gall to make a move to cause his arrest, especially since he knew that Chirene had taken great pains to get him to meet Ranchint." POV/prosetry.
 * 20) *"Surprisingly, it started out a small talk with nothing too deep." POV/prosetry.
 * 21) *"With Chirene, of course. " Fragment.
 * 22) *"He decided that the emotions he would feel because of it would help him in his training, and that he was too distracted." Unclear wording.
 * 23) *Rather lacking in detail on her rescue. I mean, come on. (Chirene)
 * 24) *" The Doombringer was a powerful machine," POV.
 * 25) *"When the powerful battlelord finally did locate him" POV.
 * 26) *Mechanical battlelords with Force powers? Blarg. Lame.
 * 27) *" The Talonscythe did not miss a beat, using the same technique as the Doombringer, the Talonscythe was able to animate both halves, doubling the attackers bent on the destruction of Tulak Hord." Run-on.
 * 28) *" prevent them from deceiving any more in the galaxy with their twisted philosophies, and an untamed hatred for their kind. He also killed them to break up the boredom he sometimes felt. The Andromeda, of course, was all too happy to oblige this twisted justice." POV.
 * 29) *"So she decided that she had to kill Tulak." Fragment.
 * 30) *"The group of about twenty or thirty individuals was composed of powerful Jedi, sent to stop Tulak and the Andromeda from any more killing." Run-on.
 * 31) *"As Tulak bitterly continued killing off the Jedi, seeming now an almost immortal force due to his friendship with the powerful feeder ship," POV/prosetry.
 * 32) *"Happy, she thanked the Andromeda and apologized for hat had happened, she was truly sorry for doing what she had done, but at the time it had seemed like she had had no other choice. " Run-on, wording issues.
 * 33) *"He began to be drowned in a sea of monotony when something changed the odds. " Prosetry.
 * 34) *" the feeder ship defied Tulak's orders and began using its powers to help Tulak, which the Dark Lord commanded it to stop it is meddling the entire time." Wording/tense.
 * 35) *You need to fix the ship possessives. It should be Andromeda ' s.
 * 36) *"Thus, they fought, causing a great clash in the fabric of the Force as two great powers met and fought. The duel was claimed to have lasted for days, but this is not confirmed." Gah. POV/prosetry.
 * 37) *"With his triumph over the most powerful of Jedi Masters" POV.
 * 38) *"Tulak Hord was a curious soul as a younger man, with a curiosity that eventually led him to Ranchint." Weasel words/poor wording.
 * 39) *"Tulak Hord was, above all else, an extremely skilled lightsaber duelist, outclassing any before him or since" POV/prosetry.
 * 40) *The lightsabers paragraph needs rewritten.
 * 41) *I smell MarySue here, or at least borderline.
 * 42) *Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day.

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:46, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Affirmative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 01:44, 20 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 00:23, 28 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the desk of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * A red link.
 * 3) * Image:UssejGeneric3.JPG, Image:UssejTakenAbackRendar.JPG, Image:BacWorking.JPG, and Image:UssejDamienLake.jpg are not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:50, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Both errors rectified. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 17:50, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * You forgot to vote, B-Rhea. :p - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:54, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:50, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:54, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Negative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 01:32, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * Image:UssejPadricBacII.JPG, Image:UssejMeetsBara.JPG, Image:UssejComfort.JPG, Image:UssejContemplatesFuture.JPG, and Image:BacIICoverBoli.jpg are not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:57, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Images now sourced. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 17:51, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Not in a voting mood? - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:55, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  13:57, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:55, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) I abstain for now, as the article is currently undergoing a rewrite. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 21:35, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) I vote negative. There is nothing wrong with this article now, and I have every confidence that that will not change, regardless of whether it's being rewritten or not. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 22:48, 21 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Almost all of the images are incorrectly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:04, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) None of the images look improper to me. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 22:54, 21 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:04, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Negative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 22:54, 21 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints
2. None. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 02:15, 20 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * Image:Rem7.jpg is not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:12, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. Source it! - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:12, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:56, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Negative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 02:15, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments/mindless banter
Fixed the image, though that was your image. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 17:55, 1 July 2008 (UTC) "You don't have to ask to use one of my images" - I win. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 18:00, 1 July 2008 (UTC) 1) You had told me long before then that I could use images from your gallery here, and 2) although it was at my own will, it was before we had a very serious image policy. Besides, by shifting the blame to the fact that the original image was not sourced, you are stating that you willfully uploaded an image without a proper source. Checkmate to you! - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 20:12, 1 July 2008 (UTC) You had the double standard first by saying it wasn't okay for me to use one without a source! - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 20:28, 1 July 2008 (UTC) Well....I...you....I lose! - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 21:17, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Not my fault - I didn't offer you the image. Your prerogative, your payment. - Solus  (Bird of Prey)  17:56, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) That was after you used the image for Xendor, and 2) You still chose of your own will, fully capable of the knowledge that it was not sourced. Besides, the original image - the one I edited to get it - was yours. Checkmate. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:50, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * You say it's okay for you to use images without sources before the image policy, but I can't? Double standard, Baccie. That's called cheating. Your rook can't move diagonal. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:27, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * I didn't put it in an article. You did. I didn't nom said article for FA. You did. My non-existent article isn't up for review. Yours is. Life's tough. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  21:05, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Sweet. I will mark this on my calendar. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  21:19, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * Image:CardenMannuxMain.jpg, Image:PlagueisDante.JPG, and Image:KaneMain.JPG are not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:28, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Fixed. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 17:58, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the dark and guarded desk of Atarumaster88


 * Fix the Dark Sides, please, Brandon.
 * "They prepared to unleash their fury on the unsuspecting innocents of the galaxy" POV. (intro)
 * "In his fortress, two major and mysterious chambers stood out." Reword this, per 3.1 and 3.2
 * "It was a fairly convoluted process and Ragnos needed someplace special to work on it, hence why he built a fortress in the middle of nowhere." More rewording needed.
 * "It was a long, drawn out ritual and a great deal of Sith magic was involved. In the end, even he did not know what would happen during the ritual. All he knew was how it would end." This seems a bit flowery.
 * Perhaps I'm not catching it that quickly, but in space do the Sith Battle Lords have to do with the Dark Guardians? I'm six paragraphs down and not seeing the connection. Your intro also does not state this connection. Condense please&mdash;this is a major concern. EDIT: I've been reading further and their first official creation is in the 26th paragraph. This is not a good thing, especially when so much of it could be summarized into three or four. Alternately, tweaking the intro would fix this.
 * "Shortly thereafter, he made his way through the jungle to an abandoned Mandalorian base where he commandeered an abandoned shuttle to disappear." Final infinitive seems out of place; reword or something.
 * "As Carden was disgusted by what the Sith had become, the information greatly intrigued him." A bit unclear here. Should the first word be "though"?
 * "Much of the information was cryptic, at best, so he had trouble understanding it. However, he devoted all of the time he had to uncovering the mysterious within that manifesto, and that was all he did for nearly a year." Just read it and see how badly this needs reworded. Also, cryptic in this sense is POV.
 * "He immediately made his way there and when he arrived a few hours later he found a great deal of carnage within the Senate, much of it being Rajani’s signature work." More flowery prose/POVishess that requires a Rule 3.2 smacking.
 * Your Rajani Zahra image needs a more specific source.
 * "Dire was amused, to say the least, though after seeing Carden’s immense power he allowed him to become a part of the growing Fourth Sith Empire." Ugh. Rule 3.2; reword please.
 * "When he saw his theories work effectively in his guardsman" Should this be guardsmen? Or should it be "Guardsmen"? I wasn't sure.
 * "However, he did not ask questions, but rather he accepted his instructions and moved ahead with his experiments, where he even gained additional followers who believed in the cause." This makes no sense to me.
 * "This wasted a great deal of time on the part of the Dark Lord, as it took years to train a new apprentice. " POV.
 * "returned from a self-imposed exile with a twisted mind and lacking the soul of the man he once was. " unprofessional tone.
 * Capitalize all the Imperial mentions. They are a faction, just as much as British, American, Russian, Rebel, and Klingon troops are given the capitalized adjective.
 * "The Stormtroopers were able to hold Starkiller back, but the boy was able to show extraordinary courage and ability while resisting them." Fix the capitalization and that POV.
 * Ditto with Rebel, per Imperial example.
 * "After asking his men to leave him for a few minutes, he realized that he had been on the wrong side of the war for so long and his reasoning for fighting with the Empire had been based on a lie. Therefore, he struck down his men and escaped the planet." POV, informal tone.
 * Italicize Millennium Falcon upon all mentions. This goes for Falcon as well per 3.1
 * "However, there was no strategic advantage to doing so." Seems a little POV to me; maybe not.
 * De-capitalize Light Side on all mentions.
 * "Lettow were taught that if they were to anger their enemy and shortly tempt them with their darker emotions, they would have no chance of turning a soul of merit. The righteous would know that they were safe from such primitive behavior." Rule 3.1, 3.2 informal tone, POV.
 * "There was not a great deal of actual government and politics involved in the Dark Guardians of Lettow, and there were two ways that someone would be able to think of when the word “leader” was used in the context of the Lettow." Run-on and confusing.
 * "They were mostly used as guards and Advanced Shock Troopers if necessary." You would know better than me, but I don't think that should be capitalized.
 * "At that point, they were skilled enough to rival skilled opponents and were taught how to influence minds and have a strong attunement to their environment." So they were skilled, eh? Reword, please.
 * "Sith Military" Check your capitalizations; Imperial military is not a proper noun&mdash;Imperial Army is. This should follow suit unless you have a good reason.
 * Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day.

3. I've looked this over, and if Ataru has missed anything, then I haven't seen it. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 23:57, 21 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:28, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Affirmative, for the time being. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 23:57, 21 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) * Image:Whill.JPG, Image:Yahweh.JPG, and Image:KristannaAdena.JPG are not properly sourced.- Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:34, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *Fixed. - <font color="#1A2BBB">President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] <font color="#1A2BBB">(Pressroom) <font color="#1A2BBB">(Record) 16:59, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  14:34, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  21:19, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Negative. This one checks out. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 01:06, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * Image:WhillSymbol.jpg, image:Whill.JPG, Image:ETKids.JPG, Image:ETFlying.JPG, and Image:WhillShip.JPG are not correctly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:40, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:40, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Affirmative, for the time being, per the above. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 01:56, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Yeah, for well more than just what's mentioned above. - <font color="#1A2BBB">Brandon Rhea <font color="#1A2BBB">(talk) <font color="#1A2BBB">(contribs) 02:45, 28 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Many of the images are incorrectly sourced. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:44, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the stealth-detecting, POV-blasting desk of Atarumaster88


 * "were the technically non-existing spies, intelligence agencies and assassination infiltrators of the Rebel Alliance." Unwieldy phrasing per 3.1
 * "In many instances, RAIF operatives have spread blasphemous propaganda, committed assassinations, murderous-induced intimidation or ransom kidnappings." POV, tense.
 * Okay, I fixed all these in Order of Sovereignty, but I'm certainly not doing it again. Pay close attention, please: It's is "it is". "Its" is a possessive form. Correct throughout article.
 * Legacy era is OOU and shouldn't be used in the intro of an IU article.
 * "The precise time of the Alliance's internal rebellion is unknown, and the fact that the organization's formation records were destroyed prevents it from ever truly being discovered." This has tense issues and "the ultimate blah is unknown" problem.
 * ". Although saw in distaste by a large number of the rest of Alliance High Command," Unclear verbage.
 * Same italics and quote issues as Order of Sovereignty.
 * This how you should write this: Project Phoenix 71. Exactly like that. Please do so.
 * "It is unknown how long the collaboration went on" More of the "it is ultimately unknown" problem.
 * Cut the quotes for facetiousness please. That should be a last resort; there are far more professional ways to handle this. Rule 3.1
 * Rebellion and Imperial should both be capitalized.
 * "Reclining their invitation resulted in execution. " Is that supposed to be declining? Otherwise, it's rather humourous.
 * "The Empire's anti-alien stance which gave the Rebel Alliance an advantage in the Galactic Civil War proved fruitful for RAIF as well." This doesn't fit where it is in context.
 * Tense issues in recruitment.
 * "The successful completion these, also mended with the way the victory conditions were met" Reword, or missing a word.
 * "moving through havened researched sectors." Havened is not a word.
 * "although they were densely modified for superior performance and effectiveness." Densely modified makes no sense.
 * starcruiser is not a word IU.
 * Decide between Supreme Council division and Supreme Council Division systematically. Goes for other terms as well.
 * Tense issues, organizational divisions, 2nd para.
 * "The Supreme council division why highly organized and secretive, and"
 * "the four divisions were often "friendly" rivalries between the divisions." Uhhh?
 * "using ill-thoughtout plans" thoughtout is not a word.
 * "Anything from the M3-A Scyk-Class starfighter to the StarViper-class attack platform." Fragment.
 * Tense issues; Syin Subdivision, Para 2, 3.
 * Tense issues, Straffen Corps, Para 2, 3.
 * "We more according to the orders of our superiors." What? Is that intentional?
 * Tense issues, Area of Operation, Para 1.
 * Tense issues, Locations, Para 1.
 * History section fails to detail activities of organization. This is a major concern; proper Mary Sue judgments cannot be made in the light of this missing information.
 * I will found your lack of proper tense to been disturbing. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

3. I've said it before and I'll say it again: This article fails at realism for the simple fact that it is totally incompatible with the established, fundamental facts regarding the Rebel Alliance; most obviously the fact that there is no way the rebels could afford such advanced equipment, training, and so on. If for some ridiculous reason that is in no way a legitimate complaint, I'll just go with my colleague's observations. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 20:16, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  17:44, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Affirmative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 20:16, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *The history is massive, but there is little to no supplementary sections - no culture, no methods, no military, nothing that like that which applies.
 * Image:Filose.jpg, Image:Dak.jpg, Image:BattleOfDantooine.jpg, and Image:VaskarDestruction.jpg are not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:59, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the supplement-free desk of Atarumaster88


 * "The Vaskar HQ, a large building just north of the Baran Do Tower was created to house the Vaskar and also substituting as a prison." Spell out HQ and fix that last clause please.
 * "The group would exist prominently" POV.
 * If you are referring to the canonical species, the correct spelling is Kel Dor, not Kel'Dor. If you aren't referring to the canonical species, this isn't an issue.
 * "He sold spice and held illegal gambling sanctions on planet." gambling and sanctions don't make sense in context.
 * "Caught word" You either get word or receive word, or possibly catch wind of something, but not catch word. Choose your idiom please.
 * More detail on the duel between Skyu and Tey please, per Rule 3.3
 * "the order which actually mattered and was known of on Dorin during this time." POV and wording issues.
 * "His actions were admirable and got the Vaskar into the limelight on Dorin and becoming almost as influential as the Baran Do." Run-on/wording issues.
 * "Regrettably, Dorn began receiving too much praise." POV.
 * "The Ithorian Lassavouu and Echani Yunis Sing from Telos. The Selkath Skloth from Manaan. A few humans; Gervase Wood, Brianna Clark and Nick Mar-Shyal from Concord Dawn." Fragments, all of them.
 * "It did not take long as the incredibly high crime rate fell like a rock in water." POV.
 * "However, with all of the different species now in the group, the longed to do more than just protect Dorin. " Missing a word, or just a "y".
 * "A small base was made on Manaan to keep the Sith and Republic forces mediate" tense/typo/something's just wrong.
 * "They were the most praised organization outside of the Republic and the Jedi and were often spotlit in the news as heroes." POV.
 * "However, times were not so great soon as a blow was about to be dealt to the group." This is unclear.
 * "Dak's leadership was going well." POV.
 * Fix "HQ" and POV "greatest" in image captions.
 * "Things had been going great for the Vaskar under Dak. " POV/tone.
 * "However, things got very dangerous, very fast." POV.
 * "Kashyyyk was the first place attacked, though it was really nothing to worry about." Tone, POV.
 * "There were merely a few dozen exchange thugs who had enough of having their business undermined by the Vaskar. " I think it should be "Exchange", but authorial intent does come into play a little bit. Exchange is the canonical spelling.
 * "They failed, miserably," Comma issues, POV.
 * The whole Nar Shaddaa battle paragraph is poorly written.
 * "The Vaskar took preaches above the battle and fired down at the Sith soldiers," What?
 * "The most dreadful of losses were achieved in the midpoint of the battle. " POV!
 * "He did well to not do so, failing to name a replacement for the assistant leader, as well as not making a head of recruitment and expansion." This makes no sense.
 * "and he had become the most hated man." POV.
 * "The forces there were very insignificant after that battle, " Wording, POV. Please, stop using "very" so excessively. It's unprofessional.
 * "though that was terribly wrong." POV.
 * "The people had already been through enough on Dantooine to have to go through another poorly defended crisis. " POV.
 * Section titles need to have proper lowercase formatting. "Return to the limelight", etc.
 * "Loss of Great Leaders" section title is both POV and improperly formatted.
 * "almost as great as the one for Dak." POV.
 * "During this time, there was no extreme violence in the galaxy, just little" Tone.
 * "when the most recent war invaded Kashyyyk with the Sith." This just makes no sense.
 * "Arguably the greatest leader in the history of the Vaskar had fallen in honorable combat, as he would have wanted." Don't argue. Don't use arguably except very sparingly. POV.
 * "He didn't know how to use one, but he would have to get used to it." Tone, just poorly written.
 * "Unfortunately, Vader was also able to escape before the Death Star exploded," That first word is POV.
 * "The Vaskar went down in history as one of the greatest organizations in the history." POV and poor wording.
 * Point blank: The overall prose quality in this article is terrible. Even if all these were fixed, I'd have a hard time voting for this because of how it reads. My suggestion to the author/approved correction experts would be to read it aloud, verbatim, and see how it sounds. Then make appropriate corrections. This is missing all the subsidiary sections anyway. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

3. I would give my own problems with this article, but they're basically just condensed recitations of the above. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 21:33, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  19:59, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Affirmative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 21:33, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the desk of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Only 6 non-date links.
 * 3) *Little to no supplementary sections - not sure which ones would apply.
 * Image:Starweird.jpg not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:02, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From the wandering desk of Atarumaster88
 * APPROVED following review and revisions

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:02, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Not so much, no. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:16, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Eh... Negative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 21:51, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *Only 3 non-date links.
 * Image:ShikkriWriting1.jpg is not sourced properly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:21, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * This message is from the grammatically correct desk of Atarumaster88

3. No objections. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 01:34, 24 August 2008 (UTC)
 * APPROVED following review and revisions

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:21, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) No; I don't like to nitpick over link numbers. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Negative. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 01:34, 24 August 2008 (UTC)

Complaints

 * 1) From the screen of the Solusinator:
 * 2) *None of the images are sourced correctly. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:25, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * From a spoof of the desk of Atarumaster88


 * "The first episode remained the most viewed for the majority of the airing, until the tenth episode surpassed it gaining over 2,000 views. This was minor compared to some of the major videos uploaded onto YouTube, but was still a major marker in the start of the series as the creators knew they now had fans." Contradiction in the numbers and major/minor needs some variety.
 * "terrorization" is most certainly not a word.
 * Inconsistent tense in Part 2.
 * Consistently de-capitalize Clone Army unless you are referring to it as a proper noun. If so, that distinction should be clearer.
 * "Commlink" should be comlink. Multiple instances of this.
 * Clones should be decapitalized in all instances; it is not and will never be a proper noun unless the name of a ship, book, work of art, etc.
 * Decapitalize Smashball.
 * Song titles should be placed in quotes.
 * I hate trivia sections. That said, I can't find anything prohibiting them.
 * I give this article an Epic Meh. Have a Super Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 01:21, 3 July 2008 (UTC)

Revoke Status?

 * 1) Yesh. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  20:25, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) Yes. Atarumaster88  [[Image:Jedi_Order.svg|20px]] ( Talk page ) 21:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Affirmative, per the above [not entirely addressed] complaints. For the record, however, "terrorization" actually is a word. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 01:39, 24 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Fixed grammar/spelling problems. If there's anything else with the photos, let me know. --  Tesh  162  21:24, 14 August 2008 (UTC)

=Additional Reviews= The following reviews were added after the above review began for a variety of reasons, including an out-of-date Featured Article list on the featured article page.

Complaints

 * 1) From a strictly FAR review, nothing wrong with this article. - Solus (Bird of Prey)  22:00, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) "Malum and Mortalis ended up in a duel against Eradix was killed and Malum injured. Malum was later healed by Mortalis." - This sentence doesn't sound right. It should be something like "in a duel against Eradix. The battle left Eradix killed and Malum injured".
 * "Cernos was shocked and scared, and soon regretted leaving institution" - This should be "regretted leaving the institution.
 * "This shocked Cernos." - This is just my opinion, but saying that he was "shocked" in a paragraph related to lightning sounds too much like a pun.

"allowed him to return to Coruscant to become a Jedi." - How can he return to a place he's never been to before?
 * "She told Cernos a quick, short story" - Use one or the other, not both short and quick.

"The head strong Cernos refused to" - This should be "headstrong".
 * "refused to put his friendship with Phanius, who he considered a "true mentor", just because his master did not approve." - Refused to put the friendship where?

Those are the only problems I see, and they're fairly minor. They shouldn't take long to rectify. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 02:11, 24 August 2008 (UTC)

Revoke status?

 * 1) No. Am I done now? - Solus (Bird of Prey)  22:00, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) *lol. --<font color="#9F05">Victor <font color="#AA00">(talk) 23:14, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) Affirmative, per my complaints. They should be easy to fix, however, so I expect my vote to change before long. -MPK (MPK's Talk Page)|undefined 02:11, 24 August 2008 (UTC)