HP:Gloaranian

This is the review page for Gloaranian.

Objections

 * 1) It needs the Ga nom thing on the article first. Second I am with Obi. Until you have fixed the article up, this vote will be an oppose. Nice job Obi! [[Image:AndeLeg.jpg|20px]] Arav (talk ) 06:05, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 2) It's really not a bad article. However, there are quite a few technical errors (ie grammar, spelling, and tense.) Obi and tom have already listed the various mistakes throughout the article. Therefore, I don't see the need for me to repeat them. After they're fixed, I'll suppor this.
 * 3) These are my quibbles:
 * 4) *In the introduction: ‘Slavory’ should be ‘slavery’.
 * 5) *In ‘Biology and appearance’: ‘apperances’ should be ‘appearances’
 * 6) *In ‘Males’: ‘normaly’ should be ‘normally’.
 * 7) *In ‘Society and Culture’: You say: ‘If a Lone Gloaranian’, when it should be ‘If a lone Gloaranian’.
 * 8) *Same section: ‘homeworld’ should be ‘homeworld’.
 * 9) *I see the name ‘bison’ mentioned. Do these exist in Star Wars? Heh, no.
 * 10) * ‘Skills and talents’: ‘fallowing’ should be ‘following’.
 * 11) *In the section ‘Males’: ‘It seems likely that the function of stripes was camouflage, serving to hide them from their prey’ Per the MOS, this should be past tense, so ‘It seemed likely’.
 * 12) *Do lions exist in Star Wars?
 * 13) *Same section: ‘normaly’ should be ‘normally’.
 * 14) *To me, it seems to be a bit of fanon stealing; ‘Yawo’ sounds too much like Brandons ‘Yahweh’, and they resemble Solus’ shapeshifters very much.
 * 15) **To comment on that, Tom, Brandon did not come up with "Yahweh." --Victor (talk) 04:30, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 16) *In the ‘History’ section, that quote is appalling; no one speaks like that. You don’t have to mess up every word. And referring to a Wolf as ‘hot look’n’ is just…
 * 17) *To me, it seems to be a combination of fanon stealing, and of a crossover of wolves. This will need work.
 * 18) *Expand the history section. Far too small; it’s just a brief skim-over at the moment.
 * 19) *The history section should also be made more interesting, as the current one bores me.
 * 20) **--[[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 20:21, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 21) Per above. Really isn't a bad article, although I agree with Tom's arguments regarding the fanon similarities regarding the Shapeshifters.  Wing   msg 16:36, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
 * 22) Per all the above-mentioned errors. &mdash;Victor, Sr. «discussion» 08:11, 3 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments
Under Biology and appearance: Under Skills and talents:
 * "The Gloaranian’s coat was made up of long guard hairs that repelled moisture, and a wooly under fur which provided some insulation." Wooly to woolly.
 * "A Gloaranian’s mane increases in size, helping it look more imposing, and also protected the head and neck during fights." The sentence is a run-on, and/or is hard to understand. Needs to be fixed.
 * "The Gloaranians; with their long legs, enormous paws, and great stamina, enabled it to cover distances of 32km/h (20mph) or 38 to 64km/h (24 to 40mph), to more at an energy-efficient 10km/h (6.2mph) trot." The semi colon needs to be changed to a comma. Another broken sentence as well.
 * "This way, the nose is protected down to -60*F (-51*C)." Tense.
 * "In summer, when their tails become more slender do to the shedding season, they would use them for keeping away Vampire flies." "Do" to "Due".
 * "The thumb was even opposable, do to it being able to touch all the other digits." Same.
 * "However, because of their isolation, they did not measure time or by the galactic calendar, but by their instincts." Remove "or".
 * "...a 12-16-month old cub or pup would be considered a kid..." Remove the dash between 16 and month.
 * " All the other bones; which included the neck, clavicle, shoulders, sternum, ribs, chest shape, spine, pectorals..." ";" to ",".
 * "Their scenes were also well developed." Scenes to senses.
 * "And when prey was far away, usually before fallowing xyroid migrations, they could use their highly sensitive ears to search for “humming” Kio berries, a fruit often eaten by Gloaranians when meat food was scarce." It's a broken sentence, and fallowing should be following.
 * "But not being able to see color helped the females a great deal, usually helping it find its way through snow or finding and fallowing prey." Same.
 * "The Gloaranians sense of smell was about a hundred times better then that of a Human’s..." Apostrophe needed.
 * "Another ability the females possessed was by using their anal scent glands at the ends of their long brushy tails for a variety of reasons."
 * "But when danger was near, the females would use this anal gland as a weapon; by squirting a foul-smelling liquid from 12 feet right at the danger’s eyes." Broken sentence, ";" to "," after "weapon". You may want to change "the danger's eyes" to "the threat's eyes" as well.
 * "Sharo was proven to be one of the most force-sensitive members of the species, discovering lots of various force powers that were not yet discovered since that time. " Change "lots" to "a number of", and "were not yet" to "had not been". Remove "since that time".
 * "...only to the extant of her species, a Varanian, and a few similar animal species. No other Gloaranian in history was known to have this ability." "Extant" to "extent", and "was known to have" to "was known to have possessed" or "was known to possess."

If the above objections are solved, I will read the rest of the article. Good job, though, Endor chicken. -- Joe Butler (Obi Maul12)  (Chow) 04:39, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I'll review it tonight. [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 06:04, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I'll take a look at this later. The infobox image gives me an interesting first impression. -MPK, the So-Called Free Man (The Free Man's Talk Page)|undefined 16:27, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Per MPK . Hopefully I'll have time to read it tonight.  Drewton  [[Image:Era-old.png|20px]] ( Drewton's Holocron ) 21:41, 26 June 2008 (UTC)

This is something I would support, but there are still one or two spelling mistakes. I usually don't judge articles on their source story, only on how they're done. This seems to be well written. Drewton  ( Drewton's Holocron ) 12:43, 28 July 2008 (UTC)


 * 1) *I fixed all the mistakes. But what’s wrong with the animals they’re based off of. And for lions and bison, off curse they do exist in that galaxy. If it “far, far way”, why are there Humans, dogs, cats, horses, ducks, rabbits, chickens and all those other creatures there? Sorry to disappoint you.-Endor chicken
 * 2) **Uh, when the hell have you ever heard a bison mentioned in Star Wars? Does this link take you anywhere: ? Heh, no. Deal with it. Secondly, I don't mind them being based upon it, but, in my opinion, this is a crossover. --[[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 16:47, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 3) *To be fair, a crossover from what? "Real life" is not a genre. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom) (Record) 17:30, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 4) ***Fair point... well, there's still the other matters, and my opinion that 'Bison' should be kicked out, and that it's plaguerism. [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 19:55, 19 June 2008 (UTC)[[Image:Colonel_Raibat2.jpg|thumb|right|120px]]
 * You can't plagiarize real life, Tom. - President Brandon Rhea  [[Image:Presidentialseal.gif|27px]] (Pressroom) (Record) 17:27, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
 * I just have to Lol at this. --  Joe Butler (Obi Maul12)  (Chow) 00:16, 23 August 2008 (UTC)
 * Not talking 'bout that. I mentioned it was a bit too similar to Shapeshifters in my opinion. [[Image:Darthtomsig.png|163px]] iChat What I've done 05:51, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Not meaning to kick in to this, but this is SW Fanon, and he can have bison if he wants. After all, there are several species in Star Wars which also exist on Earth.&mdash; Darthtyler http://images.wikia.com/swfanon/images/1/18/Scuba_Diver.gif Talk 23:10, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) ****I just have to Lol at Brandon's comment: You can't plagiarize real life. --  Joe Butler (Obi Maul12)  (Chow) 00:16, 23 August 2008 (UTC)