Talk:Star Wars: Ryloth Under Siege/@comment-173.90.97.218-20190718234908

OK, so I had some unexpected free time and decided to give you some feedback on this.

Again, the first thing I will say is that I will be honest.

As you said in your comment, the writing is better. Specifically the prose and descriptions. Though they could still use work, I think it was a good improvement on ''Revival. ''

Dialogue is still kinda cheesy and needs some improvement.

As you forewarned, the ending did feel forced.

Though, I did like that you had the bravery to kill of some characters ( not many do. ) well done there.

I felt Han Solo was portrayed quite well. ( better than in some actual star wars novels. ) Luke and Leia where done fine. ( like last time, nothing to remarkable or awful. ) I liked Stone again, and I liked Ranger. Fil's scenes at the end was pretty good.

Wesson and Scrape were pretty cheesy to me, especially Scrape. Might want to work on crafting better villains for future stories. Though I thought that he was a clone was pretty cool.

Technically, the First Order didn't come around till some time after the Battle of Jakku. ( longer than the year you had chosen. ) And at 6 ABY, the rebellion had already turned into the New Republic. I can let those slide though, since you just didn't know that. You might want to check Wookiepedia in the future for dates and stuff. ( they can be real confusing. )

Patrick was hilarious, I loved it.

Quinlan Vos wasn't done right to me ( and I just happen to be reading Dark Disciple right now, which features him prominently. ) I can't place why, maybe it's the dialogue. It just feels off to me.

Ponds also feels off to me.

I really liked the story, great idea.

There was a lot of characters for a short story. Maybe cut back on the characters, or lengthen the stories on the future. That would also help with endings.

So, to summarize. Great improvement on ''Revival. ''Some things need work, but if you keep working,  things should be getting better and better each work.

Hopeven you found my feedback helpful, and please if you take this as an insult, I didn't mean any of this that way. I just want you to get better, as your ideas are very good.